your two minds by Mark Manson close your
eyes and try to think about nothing for
30 seconds
wasn’t easy was it chances are that
various thoughts and images kept popping
into your head now I want you to try the
same exercise again except this time I
want you to pay attention to which
specific thoughts and images pop up try
to keep track of them notice them note
what they are and then let them go
see if you can do that for a minute
what were then maybe that fight you had
with your brother the other day or the
assignment that’s due tomorrow or maybe
a movie you saw recently or some sort of
fantasy chances are you are able to
notice them for a little while but then
you quickly find yourself getting sucked
into thinking about them involuntarily
if you’ve ever meditated even a little
bit you’re familiar with the experience
you just haven’t you closed your eyes
and try to shut your mind up even if for
30 seconds and despite your best efforts
the spigot of thought vomit just kept
pouring out if you’ve ever attended
meditation retreats or been involved in
some movement such as Zen they talk a
lot about this mind chatter that you
suffered through and the thing is that
mind
chatter never stops it’s always going on
in your daily life a lot of these
Eastern philosophies aim to quiet that
chatterbox of a mind that we have and I
suppose it’s useful to put a little
damper on it but I’ve actually found
practicing these sorts of techniques
have another benefit that benefit is
what I call the two minds when you close
your eyes and try to eliminate any
thoughts and fail miserably like the
rest of us obviously your mind is
thinking but if your mind is thinking
then who is observing the mind thinking
whoa when you did the exercise and your
mind kept wandering back to what you
have to do at work tomorrow who was it
that was watching your mind worry about
work tomorrow it was your mind watching
your mind
most of our psychological and emotional
stress happens because our thinking mind
and observing mind are fused and we
don’t recognize the difference how do I
stop feeling so jealous or how do I stop
feeling so angry
or how do I not get nervous in this
situation anymore the answer you don’t
you can’t control your thinking mind
those emotions pop up and we’ll continue
to pop up the trick is to not fuse with
those emotions when they arise in Zen
they advise that instead of saying I am
angry to say I feel anger instead of
saying I am nervous say I feel
nervousness instead of saying I am
jealous you say I feel jealousy it may
seem like a subtle difference but try it
think of a time recently when you felt a
negative emotion a lot of anger or
nervousness or insecurity now instead of
thinking I was angry at my brother think
instead I felt anger towards my brother
you had anger but you weren’t controlled
by the anger emotions are not a choice
behavior is how do you deal with being
afraid of failure or how do you not
worry about being rejected I deal with
fear and worry by dealing with fear and
worry I know that’s a really annoying
answer I feel the same fear and worry
anyone else does
I just don’t identify with it I accept
it and move on despite it I don’t let my
thinking mind control me i diffuse from
my emotions when I feel fear I
consciously choose to act despite it
when I feel worried I consciously choose
to act despite it we all produce excuses
and negative emotions involuntarily
guess what that’s never going to change
I don’t care how many positive thoughts
you conjure what kind of therapies you
do or what kind of new agey spiritual
crap you can
up with negative thoughts and emotions
are natural products of the human brain
you can’t get away from them none of us
can what you can do is accept them
diffuse from them and then act despite
them when people come to me asking how
to stop feeling angry or stop getting
nervous this is their problem as soon as
you try to eliminate a thought or
emotion you make it stronger as the
Buddhist saying goes what you resist
will persist or as Tony Robbins says you
feel what you focus the more you focus
on an emotion the more powerful it
becomes
thus negative emotions are like
quicksand the more you struggle to get
out of them the further into them you
sink the trick is to accept them and
then let go this is a skill and it is a
process but it cannot be practiced until
you recognize that there are two minds
and you only control one of them here
are some exercises you can do that will
help you separate your two minds and
therefore take more control of your
behaviors despite your thoughts and
emotions one whenever you feel a strong
emotion or thought disidentify with it
and then take possession of it
my boss is not an idiot but I am having
the thought that my boss is an idiot I
don’t hate my ex-girlfriend I am feeling
hatred toward my ex-girlfriend I am NOT
lonely and depressed I am feeling
loneliness and depression language is
very powerful diss identifying from
these emotions and thoughts and this way
does two things one implies that there
are temporary states and not permanent
conditions and two forces you to take
responsibility for them there nobody’s
fault
they just are
to thank your thinking mind for negative
thoughts and emotions this is a
technique from a CT and it is effective
it may sound absolutely nuts but it’s
effective because it forces you to
accept your negative emotions instead of
fight them
thank you thinking mind or feeling
nervous before my date tonight it will
keep me on my toes
thank you thinking mind for being angry
at my boss I really appreciate how much
you care this is going to feel really
bizarre expressing gratitude towards
negative emotions but I think you’ll
find that it diminishes the power of the
thoughts and emotions over time and
actually impels you to take action
despite them 3 finally if you find
yourself in the heat of the moment or if
there’s something that’s really nagging
at you try this out take something
that’s bothered you recently and hold it
in your mind maybe it’s your girlfriend
nagging you maybe it’s being terrified
of talking to that cute girl in class
next to you maybe
it’s quitting your job distill it into a
single sentence such as I feel afraid of
quitting my job or I feel irritated with
my girlfriend now close your eyes and
imagine Bugs Bunny saying it while
chewing a carrot then Mickey Mouse
saying it while dancing and doing
cartwheels pretend the Chipmunks are
singing it to you in the form of a
Christmas carol now turn it into an
image maybe your angry girlfriend or
your broke-ass sitting on the curb put
that image on a television screen make
the colors funny give yourself a
polka-dotted suit make your girlfriend’s
hair into a bunch of candy canes make
the thought looked and sound absolutely
ridiculous in your mind take your time
and play with it try to make yourself
laugh
after you’ve done this for a minute or
two stop how do you feel
chances are you feel much better about
it and the negative emotion isn’t nearly
as potent as it was before separating
your observing mind from your thinking
mind is a habit that takes practice but
once you begin to do it you’ll feel
yourself becoming less and less of a
slave to your thoughts and your emotions
you’ll take more control of your
internal daily life and feel better
about it in my opinion this is the
single most important step to developing
self-discipline and acting despite
whatever neuroses or mental hang-ups you
may suffer from once you’ve
differentiated your two minds you can
begin to evaluate your thoughts and
feelings from an objective place and
decide which ones are helpful and which ones are hurtful
eyes and try to think about nothing for
30 seconds
wasn’t easy was it chances are that
various thoughts and images kept popping
into your head now I want you to try the
same exercise again except this time I
want you to pay attention to which
specific thoughts and images pop up try
to keep track of them notice them note
what they are and then let them go
see if you can do that for a minute
what were then maybe that fight you had
with your brother the other day or the
assignment that’s due tomorrow or maybe
a movie you saw recently or some sort of
fantasy chances are you are able to
notice them for a little while but then
you quickly find yourself getting sucked
into thinking about them involuntarily
if you’ve ever meditated even a little
bit you’re familiar with the experience
you just haven’t you closed your eyes
and try to shut your mind up even if for
30 seconds and despite your best efforts
the spigot of thought vomit just kept
pouring out if you’ve ever attended
meditation retreats or been involved in
some movement such as Zen they talk a
lot about this mind chatter that you
suffered through and the thing is that
mind
chatter never stops it’s always going on
in your daily life a lot of these
Eastern philosophies aim to quiet that
chatterbox of a mind that we have and I
suppose it’s useful to put a little
damper on it but I’ve actually found
practicing these sorts of techniques
have another benefit that benefit is
what I call the two minds when you close
your eyes and try to eliminate any
thoughts and fail miserably like the
rest of us obviously your mind is
thinking but if your mind is thinking
then who is observing the mind thinking
whoa when you did the exercise and your
mind kept wandering back to what you
have to do at work tomorrow who was it
that was watching your mind worry about
work tomorrow it was your mind watching
your mind
most of our psychological and emotional
stress happens because our thinking mind
and observing mind are fused and we
don’t recognize the difference how do I
stop feeling so jealous or how do I stop
feeling so angry
or how do I not get nervous in this
situation anymore the answer you don’t
you can’t control your thinking mind
those emotions pop up and we’ll continue
to pop up the trick is to not fuse with
those emotions when they arise in Zen
they advise that instead of saying I am
angry to say I feel anger instead of
saying I am nervous say I feel
nervousness instead of saying I am
jealous you say I feel jealousy it may
seem like a subtle difference but try it
think of a time recently when you felt a
negative emotion a lot of anger or
nervousness or insecurity now instead of
thinking I was angry at my brother think
instead I felt anger towards my brother
you had anger but you weren’t controlled
by the anger emotions are not a choice
behavior is how do you deal with being
afraid of failure or how do you not
worry about being rejected I deal with
fear and worry by dealing with fear and
worry I know that’s a really annoying
answer I feel the same fear and worry
anyone else does
I just don’t identify with it I accept
it and move on despite it I don’t let my
thinking mind control me i diffuse from
my emotions when I feel fear I
consciously choose to act despite it
when I feel worried I consciously choose
to act despite it we all produce excuses
and negative emotions involuntarily
guess what that’s never going to change
I don’t care how many positive thoughts
you conjure what kind of therapies you
do or what kind of new agey spiritual
crap you can
up with negative thoughts and emotions
are natural products of the human brain
you can’t get away from them none of us
can what you can do is accept them
diffuse from them and then act despite
them when people come to me asking how
to stop feeling angry or stop getting
nervous this is their problem as soon as
you try to eliminate a thought or
emotion you make it stronger as the
Buddhist saying goes what you resist
will persist or as Tony Robbins says you
feel what you focus the more you focus
on an emotion the more powerful it
becomes
thus negative emotions are like
quicksand the more you struggle to get
out of them the further into them you
sink the trick is to accept them and
then let go this is a skill and it is a
process but it cannot be practiced until
you recognize that there are two minds
and you only control one of them here
are some exercises you can do that will
help you separate your two minds and
therefore take more control of your
behaviors despite your thoughts and
emotions one whenever you feel a strong
emotion or thought disidentify with it
and then take possession of it
my boss is not an idiot but I am having
the thought that my boss is an idiot I
don’t hate my ex-girlfriend I am feeling
hatred toward my ex-girlfriend I am NOT
lonely and depressed I am feeling
loneliness and depression language is
very powerful diss identifying from
these emotions and thoughts and this way
does two things one implies that there
are temporary states and not permanent
conditions and two forces you to take
responsibility for them there nobody’s
fault
they just are
to thank your thinking mind for negative
thoughts and emotions this is a
technique from a CT and it is effective
it may sound absolutely nuts but it’s
effective because it forces you to
accept your negative emotions instead of
fight them
thank you thinking mind or feeling
nervous before my date tonight it will
keep me on my toes
thank you thinking mind for being angry
at my boss I really appreciate how much
you care this is going to feel really
bizarre expressing gratitude towards
negative emotions but I think you’ll
find that it diminishes the power of the
thoughts and emotions over time and
actually impels you to take action
despite them 3 finally if you find
yourself in the heat of the moment or if
there’s something that’s really nagging
at you try this out take something
that’s bothered you recently and hold it
in your mind maybe it’s your girlfriend
nagging you maybe it’s being terrified
of talking to that cute girl in class
next to you maybe
it’s quitting your job distill it into a
single sentence such as I feel afraid of
quitting my job or I feel irritated with
my girlfriend now close your eyes and
imagine Bugs Bunny saying it while
chewing a carrot then Mickey Mouse
saying it while dancing and doing
cartwheels pretend the Chipmunks are
singing it to you in the form of a
Christmas carol now turn it into an
image maybe your angry girlfriend or
your broke-ass sitting on the curb put
that image on a television screen make
the colors funny give yourself a
polka-dotted suit make your girlfriend’s
hair into a bunch of candy canes make
the thought looked and sound absolutely
ridiculous in your mind take your time
and play with it try to make yourself
laugh
after you’ve done this for a minute or
two stop how do you feel
chances are you feel much better about
it and the negative emotion isn’t nearly
as potent as it was before separating
your observing mind from your thinking
mind is a habit that takes practice but
once you begin to do it you’ll feel
yourself becoming less and less of a
slave to your thoughts and your emotions
you’ll take more control of your
internal daily life and feel better
about it in my opinion this is the
single most important step to developing
self-discipline and acting despite
whatever neuroses or mental hang-ups you
may suffer from once you’ve
differentiated your two minds you can
begin to evaluate your thoughts and
feelings from an objective place and
decide which ones are helpful and which ones are hurtful
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