such thing as a difficult person what if
I told you that the people that you find
to be the most irritating are probably
the very ones that you need on your team
I get it you’re skeptical and you’re
probably thinking about a difficult
person in particular but over the next
15 minutes I’m going to show you how
their annoying behaviors can become
valuable to your team we all walk around
with blinders on we see the world and
everyone in it in a very particular
personal way we don’t even recognize
that we’re doing it but even when we do
it’s difficult to shift our perspective
let me show you what I’m talking about
how would you feel in this room some of
people you feel perfectly comfortable
here while others are very stressed just
by looking at this picture how about
this what kind of a reaction does this
elicit some people light up when they
think about working with complicated
formulas others are stressed just by
thinking about opening an Excel
spreadsheet so just as we have
preferences as to physical spaces and
activities we also have preferences as
to who we connect with pretty quickly we
decide who’s nice and who isn’t who were
drawn to and who we aren’t these
judgments they’re based on deep-seated
assumptions they’re developed early in
life by the way that our brains are
wired let me show you what I’m talking
about
how many of you have seen this picture
before yeah so shout out some of the
things that you’re seeing an old man
sleeping dog a lady holding a baby maybe
you see the old man with the cane maybe
the man’s profile looks like he has his
hand on his chest
what I’m getting out is this we’re all
looking at the same picture but we’re
having very different experiences with
just a tiny shift in perspective
everything changes that’s why it’s so
important to continuously challenge and
change our own perspectives what we’ve
discovered is that for every successful
project to process there are four
energies or dynamics that are required
they are explore excite examine and
execute so we’re gonna take a look at
the embodiment of each how many of you
recognize this man
for those who don’t let me tell you a
little bit about him his name is Doug
Engelbart and Doug was focused on the
computer human interaction his work
resulted in such things as the creation
of the computer mouse hypertext Network
computers and early graphical user
interfaces these were demonstrated at
the mother of all demos in 1968 to say
that Doug lived in the world of ideas
and possibilities would be an
understatement his high explore energy
kept him in this space at all times
let’s take a look at someone who’s
hiding excite I’m sure that many of you
recognize this person President
Clinton’s excite energy had people
accept him and connect with him because
he was so engaging and empathetic when
you met him he felt like you were the
only person in the room and that your
ideas were incredibly valuable his high
excite energy has him to come across as
very charming and engaging let’s look at
someone hi and examine you probably
won’t recognize this man because he’s
not your stereotypical in-your-face CEO
however he is the CEO of a fortune 200
company CenturyLink his name is Glenn
post
and Glen lives in the world of data
facts and figures he’s very
detail-oriented he can be strategic
but he’s capable of creating incredibly
detailed plans I had a difficult time
selecting someone hi and examine because
they tend to be very low-key they come
up with systems and structures to help
organizations grow and succeed and
finally here’s an example of someone hi
and execute this one’s for all you
history buffs General Patton was one of
the most prolific combat generals in US
history he’s famous for his hard-driving
approach in infamous for his bluntness
and controversies one of his better
known quotes is it’s better to execute
on a good plan today than to wait and
execute on a perfect plan next week
notice the focus on execution General
Patton believed in accomplishing no
matter what was in the way and he had a
disdain for cooler heads his high
execute energy is exemplified in his
competitive nature so which energy are
you drawn to which one can you relate to
without awareness we tend to be drawn to
people who share our energetic
preferences and were put off by those
who don’t let me give you an example I
was in my 20s when I developed my first
company to say that I lacked leadership
experience would be a gross
understatement one of the golden rules
that I put into place right away was
that we would never miss a deadline it
seemed like a lofty goal but what I
didn’t realize was what this blind
adherence to execution was costing me we
had a tremendous amount of external
success we had eleven hundred percent
growth in three years bringing in a
million in the first ten million by the
third but I was burning people out and
some people couldn’t survive in this
chaotic environment but just as we’re
drawn to certain phases of work we also
seem to align with those people who
share our passion for particular energy
who do you think survived at my first
company it was other high execute so
course there was one woman in particular
she had three computers on her desk and
they were all going at the same time she
thrived in this environment but others
didn’t so who do you think didn’t
survive well anyone who needed detail
and thorough planning they didn’t
survive because they found the
environment to be frenzied and
disorganized others who didn’t survive
were those who wanted to make sure that
people were aligned and engaged before
we moved to execute they were frustrated
because there was never time to get
people on board and finally those who
didn’t survive were those who were
focused on the big picture they wanted
to see all the connections before they
could move forward to action they didn’t
survive because there was never time to
look at anything holistically I valued
action above all else and in the process
I missed what others had to offer and
I’m sure that I irritated plenty of
people in the process so my question to
you is who air Tate’s you maybe it’s the
person who’s constantly telling you
what’s wrong with your plan or why your
ideal won’t work or perhaps it’s the one
who throws out what ifs and we could
maybe it’s the one who wants to make
sure that people are aligned and engaged
before moving to action art could
possibly be the one that pushes you to
get things done but they move so quickly
they never listen to your ideas so our
brains are made up of neural pathways
that are composed of bundles of neurons
that are formed or
in life this early brain development
influences what we see what we value who
were drawn to and how we process
information you can compare the
development of neural pathways in your
brain to developing a path in the woods
our brain makes a connection between two
ideas or objects sending electronic
pulses back and forth between
corresponding neurons with repetition
these pathways become reinforced and
therefore stronger much like the way a
path in the woods becomes more
established as people pass through it
many times the stronger and better
develop these pathways are the more
difficult it is to move off of these
pathways because it’s always easier to
follow a well-trodden path than it is to
create a new one sometimes we’re so
blinded by our neural pathways that we
don’t even recognize that there are
other ways of getting to the same end
point we don’t see what we don’t see and
once they’re hardened and established it
let’s go back to that difficult person I
know some of you are still thinking
about them what if that person isn’t
difficult at all what if that person is
simply operating from a different
perspective have you ever heard a leader
say if someone is negative just get rid
of them or fire them all well I have and
I cringe every time I hear one of these
ridiculous statements because what
they’re actually saying is if someone
comes from a different perspective and
you than you do don’t seek to understand
them just get rid of them here’s a
different perspective at my organization
we’ve had 10 years of working with
hundreds of companies and what we’ve
seen is that organizations that are too
enamored with one energy or another tend
to be
underperforming and have low morale they
are so focused and enamored with a
particular energy that they get into
groupthink they don’t know what they
don’t know much like my experience at my
first company we were getting done
but we were burning people out in the
process what we’ve discovered is that
for any project or process to be
successful you need someone who’s
looking at the big picture someone high
an explorer you need someone who’s
focused on people someone high an excite
energy you need someone who’s capable of
developing detailed plans someone high
examine and you need someone who’s
focused on getting things done someone
high and execute if you remove any of
these elements your output will be
diminished and by the way so will your
impact if you don’t walk away with
anything else I want you to walk away
with this think of that person that sits
across from you and is so annoying think
of that annoying challenging behavior as
being their gift to you we’re frustrated
because we see this as negativity but in
reality all this human is doing is
trying to share their gifts with us
let’s go back to the guy in the office
who frustrates us because he’s always
telling us what’s wrong with our plan
our how our data doesn’t add up we’re
frustrated by him because we feel like
he’s trying to make us look bad but in
reality he’s just sharing his gift with
us he wants to make sure that our plans
are data-driven and factually based his
gift is in trying to protect us by
making sure that we don’t go off paths
are that person that comes up with a
million and one ideas we’re frustrated
by that person because of the constant
iteration the constant churn but their
gift is in making sure that our
organizations are innovate
of that we don’t become dinosaurs or
maybe it was the person that wants to
make sure that there’s a solid
communication plan that people are
aligned around we’re frustrated by this
person because they slow us down while
they try to make sure that people are
engaged but what happens when someone’s
not engaged well we all know that
productivity goes down
and by the way searching for a new job
in a different company goes up or maybe
it’s the person like myself who pushes
everyone to accomplish more and more
what if we don’t focus on execution well
we have a lot of great ideas we might
get people aligned around them we might
even have a detailed plan but then we
don’t quite get around to accomplishing
well anything I’m going to give you a
simple formula to shift those difficult
relationships and make them as easy as
the ones that you’re naturally drawn to
be aware of your energetic preferences
appreciate the Preferences of others and
learn to adapt as I said at the
beginning there are no difficult people
being aware of others gifts is as simple
as shifting our own perspective and once
we remove our blinders we begin to see
others for who they are and the gifts that they bring thank you