Translation: Eleni Tziafa Editor: Maria Pericleous
I want to start by telling you a story.
Once upon a time, a little girl was called Ileana,
surprised when one morning he woke
He found the edge of the bed of a dragon,
as small as a kitten.
She approached him, stroked him
and the dragon happily wagging his tail.
Then Ileana immediately ran to the mother, shouting:
“Mom, Mom! There’s a dragon in my room! “
“But what are you talking about now, Ileana. Since there are no dragons’
she replied.
When he returned to her room to get dressed Ileana,
the dragon approached again joyfully wagging tail
Ileana but this time did not stroked.
Since her mom say that there are no dragons,
it would be very foolish to caress a nonexistent dragon.
When he sat down at the table to get breakfast …
sat on the table and the dragon!
And come on now how to say in a dragon that does not exist:
“Come down from the table and not eat my breakfast?”
While ignoring the Ileana dragon,
he grew, grew and grew increasingly
until he took over the area of the house
and sometime lifted on his back and began to run.
Returning from work, her father surprised Ileana
when he realized that the house was missing.
Fortunately a neighbor showed
the direction in which the saw has,
and when he was with his wife and daughter, he asked:
“Well how did all this?”
“There’s a dragon …” began says Ileana,
and stopped the mother:
“Ileana, since there are no dragons.”
“No, no,” insisted Ileana,
“There is a dragon, a very large dragon ‘
and patted him on the head.
And as the caressed both the dragon diminished even further diminished even further diminished
until she regained the size of a kitten.
Taking the dragon hug, mom Ileana wondered:
“Well, he had to grow up so?”
And the Ileana replied:
“I do not know, but I think he just wanted to beware of him.”
The dragon of this tale written by Jack Kent and remix too,
may be fears that a child and a family.
R is a fear and death
which is within the thoughts and concerns of children,
as was the small Ileana.
Ileana I have been too.
Seeking to give answers,
I approached my dragon,
through my professional occupation
with children who come early in life,
faced with their own death
or the loss of their loved one.
Child death:
are two words that seem incompatible.
And yet death is the life of children,
amid fairy tales, games, movies, news viewing,
losses experienced in their immediate environment.
It is perfectly normal to have questions,
want to understand what he dies, you will come back?
These queries are perfectly natural,
nothing abnormal nothing macabre.
Indicate that mature emotionally and cognitively
and so we try to understand the mysteries of life,
such as birth and death.
Their problem we are usually we adults,
who stand embarrassed
and often wonder what to say.
Instead of rushing to get answers
It is much better to enable the child to unfold his thought,
and understand what it is that the concern at this moment.
It concerns an event that piqued his curiosity,
a dead bird at school?
Upset by the death of a man?
The parent of a classmate?
Anxious about the potential death of a parent who smokes too
and implicitly asks us whether anyone ever smoke die?
The course of the discussion will depend very
from what concerns the child at that time,
and must always be tailored to the developmental stage of each child.
With toddlers use simple words, clear.
We explain, for example, that when someone dies,
the body stops working,
stops beating heart,
not breathing, feels, thinks,
and then we put the body in a box which said coffin
and put into the earth in a place called cemetery.
And while young children should avoid
phrases such as soul and afterlife,
as it is very difficult to understand for those,
with teenagers can have very fruitful discussions
for metaphysical, for religious issues death,
why they have those cognitive abilities that allow them
make abstract thinking and hypothetical reasoning.
In any case,
we recognize that none of us knows what is death
and what happens to the one who dies.
We can share our personal religious or philosophical views
and perceptions of death, but not absolute truths,
and it is very important for a child growing up in a multicultural world
to understand that there are different views on death.
Our difficulty to make such discussions are even more
when the life of a child directly affected by the death.
How we talk to a child about the death of a person own?
And discuss how the sick child who wants to talk about his death?
These challenges have led my eight colleagues and me,
to found a non-profit organization, the “Care”.
For 22 years, the Care offers a scientific work,
providing specialized services in two areas:
Services to support children, families and school communities
They are facing their own human death,
and respite services
for children who are seriously ill and their families.
I am here because a vision of Care is to sensitize society,
and all who come in contact with children,
to be able to support them effectively,
to address adequately the great challenges of life.
How then talking with a child about their own human death?
We never hide the truth.
We talk directly, honestly,
and not swamped with information.
We adapt our information on what you know, she wants to know,
and we avoid when we find
he does not want to hear certain things at this moment.
We use simple words like “died”
and avoid expressions like “slept”, “travel left”, “extinguished”, “lost”
Why create great confusion
and a small preschool child
may the next moment to be afraid to go to sleep, not to die,
or for example, may be anxious what was his favorite, which he left,
and when to turn, and he left without goodbye.
Also, avoid phrases such as:
“It was too good for this God with him” got him,
because children are beginning to fear God
and by judiciously can be naughty not to the God get close to him.
But even if you call a spade a spade,
we must bear in mind that preschoolers
They fail to realize the finality of death.
So many times they say:
“Yes, okay, died, how long will he be dead? When you coming back? “
They can be difficult to realize
and definitive cessation of vital functions
having someone who dies,
and even if you attend his funeral,
may the next moment to tell us:
“Well now that there is
not hungry, not cold, not feeling sorry? “
Only when they reach puberty,
we would say that now have the cognitive abilities
to understand death
as a permanent, irrevocable, global event
It happens to all people, including themselves.
Any discussion with such a child
Always leave space and time
to speak for him who died,
to express his feelings and to grieve.
Expressions of type:
“Come, come, do not worry, you need to appear strong”
or “Do not cry because it upset your mom ‘
or “Now you’ll be the woman or the man of the house”
They do not help inhibit lament
causing serious adjustment problems.
I’ll tell you Lydia.
Her mother came to Ensure consult us,
how to help her daughter nine-year
to learn that her father was in the final stage of his illness.
After informing Lydia’s mother,
She explained that her father would die
and encouraged to participate in the care of
and bid farewell to him in her own way.
Tin day that his father died of Lydia,
she painted her heart broken in two.
With the support and cooperation he had with the psychologist of Welfare,
slowly he was able to talk to her dad,
to grieve the loss of
and a few months later,
to paint again her heart, but stuck,
But underlining that will be forever broken.
Imagine the loss, death of a loved one
like a red ball
which overwhelms the psyche of a child who is depicted here as a bottle.
Often mistakenly believe that over time will be forgotten,
will diminish, disappear.
This is not the case.
With proper support, a child like Lydia, Lydia and all,
can develop psychic of stocks,
emperiexei to this loss of loved ones,
that important and central will always remain in the history of his life.
But what about the children who threatened their lives?
Talking about death?
It is indisputable that realize the state of their health,
even when no one informed.
I had the honor to accompany many children at the end of their lives,
and what I found is that in choosing who to trust
feelings, needs and desires,
when death is no longer inevitable.
Choose someone who bears the pain of separation,
someone who gives them the space to express their feelings
and understands these shared indirectly and symbolically,
someone who will defend the desires and needs,
and someone who, when you come down to it, their will “allow” to flee from life,
without feeling guilty for those left behind.
When we find it hard to accept the death of a child,
depriving it of the opportunity to say goodbye to us,
but also by depriving ourselves the opportunity
to assure that it will always have a special place in our hearts.
AB: – “What do you paint?” (I ask the five year old Ellie)
Elli: – Is something stairs that go to heaven.
AB: – “Who goes up the stairs?” Q: – “People … I.”
AB: – “And what is there in the sky?” Q: – “The sun, the moon, the stars …”
AB: – “And what are you doing up there?” Q: – “I’ll look.”
AB: – “Will I see you and I?”
Q: – “No, you will only see me in your heart.”
Near children like Elly, I learned to stoop to their level,
to look into the eyes
and n ‘listen what they wanted to share with me,
ie the important things in life,
how fragile and how precious.
In closing, I want to invite you into a reflection game.
Imagine that in some magical way
Today you learn that in a year from now you will die,
with any way you choose.
Now you have a life time.
You can think of three things that you would change in your life:
relationships, occupation, aspects of yourself living?
Something that makes life difficult without purpose and substance.
Then you think of three things that you would leave the same,
You will not change them at all.
These are usually associated with our values and priorities,
anything that gives our lives meaning and value.
And finally, I want to determine a realistic goal
you want to implement during this time,
in which will seal
the story of your life and your existence as an individual.
And when you do all this,
I think the first thing you will do today
to change any of those which prevent you from enjoying life,
and to cheer for all you contribute to quality.
Besides the said Kazantzakis:
“Salt death and life much to relish.”
Thanks.
(Clap)
I want to start by telling you a story.
Once upon a time, a little girl was called Ileana,
surprised when one morning he woke
He found the edge of the bed of a dragon,
as small as a kitten.
She approached him, stroked him
and the dragon happily wagging his tail.
Then Ileana immediately ran to the mother, shouting:
“Mom, Mom! There’s a dragon in my room! “
“But what are you talking about now, Ileana. Since there are no dragons’
she replied.
When he returned to her room to get dressed Ileana,
the dragon approached again joyfully wagging tail
Ileana but this time did not stroked.
Since her mom say that there are no dragons,
it would be very foolish to caress a nonexistent dragon.
When he sat down at the table to get breakfast …
sat on the table and the dragon!
And come on now how to say in a dragon that does not exist:
“Come down from the table and not eat my breakfast?”
While ignoring the Ileana dragon,
he grew, grew and grew increasingly
until he took over the area of the house
and sometime lifted on his back and began to run.
Returning from work, her father surprised Ileana
when he realized that the house was missing.
Fortunately a neighbor showed
the direction in which the saw has,
and when he was with his wife and daughter, he asked:
“Well how did all this?”
“There’s a dragon …” began says Ileana,
and stopped the mother:
“Ileana, since there are no dragons.”
“No, no,” insisted Ileana,
“There is a dragon, a very large dragon ‘
and patted him on the head.
And as the caressed both the dragon diminished even further diminished even further diminished
until she regained the size of a kitten.
Taking the dragon hug, mom Ileana wondered:
“Well, he had to grow up so?”
And the Ileana replied:
“I do not know, but I think he just wanted to beware of him.”
The dragon of this tale written by Jack Kent and remix too,
may be fears that a child and a family.
R is a fear and death
which is within the thoughts and concerns of children,
as was the small Ileana.
Ileana I have been too.
Seeking to give answers,
I approached my dragon,
through my professional occupation
with children who come early in life,
faced with their own death
or the loss of their loved one.
Child death:
are two words that seem incompatible.
And yet death is the life of children,
amid fairy tales, games, movies, news viewing,
losses experienced in their immediate environment.
It is perfectly normal to have questions,
want to understand what he dies, you will come back?
These queries are perfectly natural,
nothing abnormal nothing macabre.
Indicate that mature emotionally and cognitively
and so we try to understand the mysteries of life,
such as birth and death.
Their problem we are usually we adults,
who stand embarrassed
and often wonder what to say.
Instead of rushing to get answers
It is much better to enable the child to unfold his thought,
and understand what it is that the concern at this moment.
It concerns an event that piqued his curiosity,
a dead bird at school?
Upset by the death of a man?
The parent of a classmate?
Anxious about the potential death of a parent who smokes too
and implicitly asks us whether anyone ever smoke die?
The course of the discussion will depend very
from what concerns the child at that time,
and must always be tailored to the developmental stage of each child.
With toddlers use simple words, clear.
We explain, for example, that when someone dies,
the body stops working,
stops beating heart,
not breathing, feels, thinks,
and then we put the body in a box which said coffin
and put into the earth in a place called cemetery.
And while young children should avoid
phrases such as soul and afterlife,
as it is very difficult to understand for those,
with teenagers can have very fruitful discussions
for metaphysical, for religious issues death,
why they have those cognitive abilities that allow them
make abstract thinking and hypothetical reasoning.
In any case,
we recognize that none of us knows what is death
and what happens to the one who dies.
We can share our personal religious or philosophical views
and perceptions of death, but not absolute truths,
and it is very important for a child growing up in a multicultural world
to understand that there are different views on death.
Our difficulty to make such discussions are even more
when the life of a child directly affected by the death.
How we talk to a child about the death of a person own?
And discuss how the sick child who wants to talk about his death?
These challenges have led my eight colleagues and me,
to found a non-profit organization, the “Care”.
For 22 years, the Care offers a scientific work,
providing specialized services in two areas:
Services to support children, families and school communities
They are facing their own human death,
and respite services
for children who are seriously ill and their families.
I am here because a vision of Care is to sensitize society,
and all who come in contact with children,
to be able to support them effectively,
to address adequately the great challenges of life.
How then talking with a child about their own human death?
We never hide the truth.
We talk directly, honestly,
and not swamped with information.
We adapt our information on what you know, she wants to know,
and we avoid when we find
he does not want to hear certain things at this moment.
We use simple words like “died”
and avoid expressions like “slept”, “travel left”, “extinguished”, “lost”
Why create great confusion
and a small preschool child
may the next moment to be afraid to go to sleep, not to die,
or for example, may be anxious what was his favorite, which he left,
and when to turn, and he left without goodbye.
Also, avoid phrases such as:
“It was too good for this God with him” got him,
because children are beginning to fear God
and by judiciously can be naughty not to the God get close to him.
But even if you call a spade a spade,
we must bear in mind that preschoolers
They fail to realize the finality of death.
So many times they say:
“Yes, okay, died, how long will he be dead? When you coming back? “
They can be difficult to realize
and definitive cessation of vital functions
having someone who dies,
and even if you attend his funeral,
may the next moment to tell us:
“Well now that there is
not hungry, not cold, not feeling sorry? “
Only when they reach puberty,
we would say that now have the cognitive abilities
to understand death
as a permanent, irrevocable, global event
It happens to all people, including themselves.
Any discussion with such a child
Always leave space and time
to speak for him who died,
to express his feelings and to grieve.
Expressions of type:
“Come, come, do not worry, you need to appear strong”
or “Do not cry because it upset your mom ‘
or “Now you’ll be the woman or the man of the house”
They do not help inhibit lament
causing serious adjustment problems.
I’ll tell you Lydia.
Her mother came to Ensure consult us,
how to help her daughter nine-year
to learn that her father was in the final stage of his illness.
After informing Lydia’s mother,
She explained that her father would die
and encouraged to participate in the care of
and bid farewell to him in her own way.
Tin day that his father died of Lydia,
she painted her heart broken in two.
With the support and cooperation he had with the psychologist of Welfare,
slowly he was able to talk to her dad,
to grieve the loss of
and a few months later,
to paint again her heart, but stuck,
But underlining that will be forever broken.
Imagine the loss, death of a loved one
like a red ball
which overwhelms the psyche of a child who is depicted here as a bottle.
Often mistakenly believe that over time will be forgotten,
will diminish, disappear.
This is not the case.
With proper support, a child like Lydia, Lydia and all,
can develop psychic of stocks,
emperiexei to this loss of loved ones,
that important and central will always remain in the history of his life.
But what about the children who threatened their lives?
Talking about death?
It is indisputable that realize the state of their health,
even when no one informed.
I had the honor to accompany many children at the end of their lives,
and what I found is that in choosing who to trust
feelings, needs and desires,
when death is no longer inevitable.
Choose someone who bears the pain of separation,
someone who gives them the space to express their feelings
and understands these shared indirectly and symbolically,
someone who will defend the desires and needs,
and someone who, when you come down to it, their will “allow” to flee from life,
without feeling guilty for those left behind.
When we find it hard to accept the death of a child,
depriving it of the opportunity to say goodbye to us,
but also by depriving ourselves the opportunity
to assure that it will always have a special place in our hearts.
AB: – “What do you paint?” (I ask the five year old Ellie)
Elli: – Is something stairs that go to heaven.
AB: – “Who goes up the stairs?” Q: – “People … I.”
AB: – “And what is there in the sky?” Q: – “The sun, the moon, the stars …”
AB: – “And what are you doing up there?” Q: – “I’ll look.”
AB: – “Will I see you and I?”
Q: – “No, you will only see me in your heart.”
Near children like Elly, I learned to stoop to their level,
to look into the eyes
and n ‘listen what they wanted to share with me,
ie the important things in life,
how fragile and how precious.
In closing, I want to invite you into a reflection game.
Imagine that in some magical way
Today you learn that in a year from now you will die,
with any way you choose.
Now you have a life time.
You can think of three things that you would change in your life:
relationships, occupation, aspects of yourself living?
Something that makes life difficult without purpose and substance.
Then you think of three things that you would leave the same,
You will not change them at all.
These are usually associated with our values and priorities,
anything that gives our lives meaning and value.
And finally, I want to determine a realistic goal
you want to implement during this time,
in which will seal
the story of your life and your existence as an individual.
And when you do all this,
I think the first thing you will do today
to change any of those which prevent you from enjoying life,
and to cheer for all you contribute to quality.
Besides the said Kazantzakis:
“Salt death and life much to relish.”
Thanks.
(Clap)
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