yeah today is an anniversary today Jan
20th 14 years ago I had an experience
that changed me that changed how I
perceive how I view fear and anxiety and
pressure my friend Naomi and I had
driven out to Revelstoke and slept the
night in the back of her truck and big
down sleeping bags loaded up a chopper
the next morning and flew 30 minutes
into the northern Selkirk’s of British
Columbia to a remote backcountry ski
lodge fully intent on seven days of big
climbs and big descents and deep snow
and we got it for two days because on
earth day we were both trapped in a
class three avalanche class here in
Canada means enough snow and enough
power to destroy a small car tear down
trees or bury a train car 13 people were
buried in that average nine of them full
burials completely under the snow sin of
those full burials including Naomi died
and i am one of the two full burials who
survived for 12 minutes the fear rose up
the moment the avalanche stopped moving
and I was trapped and it came as a
certainty and as an image the certainty
that my friend was somewhere over there
also trapped and suffering and the image
of her truck of the front seat of her
truck empty and the fear that I would go
home alone which is another thing to
talk about now because I know that she
didn’t make it and it comes back as pain
but then in the minutes of being buried
it was this this intense fear of what
could happen and it wanted to take over
because that’s what fear does that’s
what fear wants it wants to reach out
and grab all of our attention it wants
to light up your lizard brain and compel
you to do anything except that in that
moment if I had fought I I would have
died too I got lucky I believe that luck
is when practice and discipline collide
with an opportunity and the practice and
discipline started for me over a decade
before the Avalanche I was that kid who
was on on on on on on on I would joke
with my friends I think i think too much
and they would joke with me Evan you
and my mom saw this she figured it out
and she she got a tape I don’t know when
where or how she got it nowadays of
course we would say an app or podcast
four minutes long and it was a guided
process to walk me through progressive
muscle relaxation pmr maybe you’ve heard
of this it was originally published in
1930s by a guy named Edmund Jacobson in
his book titled you must relax so that’s
what my mom gave me I tried it it was
about four minutes long I liked it it’s
exactly what it sounds like bit by bit
piece by piece from your feet up to your
shoulders out through your arms back to
your neck in your face you progressively
ID and flex and relax your muscles one
at a time takes a few minutes but it
leads to this amazing calm and I like
that so I stuck with it for years even
to the point of teaching others people
that I would bike race with and run with
so that they could figure out how to
relax the muscles that weren’t moving
them forward and then be more efficient
and faster and got really good at it and
in the moment of the Avalanche the luck
hit in the weirdest way the way the snow
deposited me and I say deposit because
you really don’t have any choice or
control people tell you that it will
slow down and you can move your hands in
front of your face that didn’t really
happen it’s like wrestling a thousand
tons of snow and gravity is on the side
of the Avalanche not you so you kind of
don’t have a lot of control it deposited
me and wrapped around me and stirred up
and warmed up and then refroze and I was
cemented into this position where I’ll
try and demonstrate but I’m not that
flexible anymore my left leg my ski was
porking out my left leg and I could feel
the twist in my knees and the intense
pain in my leg tendon pulling on bone
and it took my attention it took a scrap
of my attention and it triggered all of
that discipline oh and the process
followed and I recognized my right leg
was pushing and I let it go my hips were
flex tonight let him go and my back
right between the shoulder blades like
someone was clenching it I let it go and
slowly but surely as i did this my
awareness opened up I took the focus
back from the fear bit by bit there
wasn’t gone the image was still there on
the edge of my vision wanting attention
I’ve learned since about this really
neat concept associative and
dissociative focus which are exactly
what they sound like disco’s you to
focus is where you push something away
you don’t focus on it you refuse to give
it your attention your focus associative
focus is quite the opposite you
purposely give your attention to one
thing and you in the audience sitting
here right now you might give all of
your attention to how the chair feels
and what’s cool is that they’re not
mutually exclusive when you associate
with one thing when you focus on one
thing the other gets less time and
attention right you don’t notice your
feet because you’re noticing the chair
and it works across levels across planes
in our from our physical torment all to
our emotional self as I associated with
my physical body I dissociated from the
emotional intensity this extensively
researched very well published used for
anxiety chronic pain chronic disc ronik
fatigue injury recovery I didn’t know I
was doing it
kicked in and my awareness woke up and
this really neat thing happens we’ve got
these ideas from our popular culture FDR
Franklin Delano Roosevelt is famous for
this quote about fear right the only
thing to fear is fear itself and we get
into our popular culture the idea that
we should therefore not have fear and if
you even get close to it if you feel it
rising up a little bit of tension a
little bit of pressure then deny that
quick put it away another way don’t
admit it you don’t have it but that
doesn’t work because ironically that’s
you giving it attention and it isn’t
even what Franklin what FDR meant if you
read the rest of the quote what he meant
what he was pointing at was that we
should be afraid of the unreasoned
unjustified responses reactions that
fear will cause right back to fear
lighten up your lizard brain and
compelling you to act that’s the part to
be aware of not the fear but what it
does to us it takes over so I lay there
completely immobilized I mean not enough
room to take a deep breath wraps around
you and my blood was thundering in my
ears and I could feel my body relaxing
in my awareness opened up and and my
right foot could move a little I started
to notice things outside me too and the
Sun was coming there’s a little light
coming through the cracks in the snow
and and this this open opened awareness
getting attention units back and being
able to focus again a bit meant that I
maybe if my right foot can move a little
that maybe that means that my ski tip is
above the snow that’s good and the light
can come through the cracks and so maybe
I’m close enough that the air will
circulate and I can lie here as long as
I need to that’s good and I also became
more aware of the fear itself because it
isn’t gone emotions have a shelf life
and the irony is if we look it last
longer if we are willing to be with them
they live out their 90 seconds
chemically they live out there 20
minutes short-term working memory and
and then we get to move on if the
emotions lasting longer than 20 minutes
it’s because we’re recreating it but if
we’re willing to be with it then we can
have some attention back and we can
learn about what’s going on with that
emotion and I learned that the intense
drive to solve the problem of the empty
car seat was not going to serve me that
the fear was driven by a caring and a
deep desire to help negative emotions
are driven by something we care about
and it’s only if we’re willing to be
with them for a few moments maybe a few
minutes that we can find that peace that
we care about and when we focus on that
fear pressure anxiety these big emotions
they don’t have to be yes no I have it I
don’t I’m willing I won’t I admit it I I
don’t they don’t have to be either or
fight or flight fear and anxiety and
pressure can be we can go past the
instinctual old brain lizard response we
can go past that these can be both and I
can be both with it and aware of what
open up our awareness to do that and so
my challenge personally and my challenge
to you as you go forward is that when
you feel the emotion coming up don’t
fight it push it away don’t deny it
instead be willing press pause sit with
it for a moment and open up your
awareness because when we press pause
and open up our awareness that is the
path back to focus thank [Applause]