[Applause]
Good Morning
you know that metaphor that life
it’s like a train trip we’re going
going through different seasons and some
people go up and down our car
sometimes it’s a special person like
our partner with our good friend
del cole was seventh favorite with the
what we did transmitters at Christmas is
one of those people who have
sympathy and connection a lot to that mix
of things in common that unites us and
attractive differences that make that
even more special person
feel that we like someone that we
like is the best feelings with
these people do not want to spend time and
have them our lives
as we get to know and let
on the trip together we come to another guy
connection with them
the deep connection that binds us to the
people who really know and
yet we accept as we are
this intimacy takes a little more time
to develop but also of the
better sensations that exist in these
relationships the people we flourish
when something threatens one of these
special people
we want you to know that we are there to
they unconditionally
but as with everything sometimes the threats
come from abroad but come
from inside because he knows the other and that
we know how we are involved
discover new differences
not all attractive and easy to
fit how we handle people from
these difficult differences is how
we do to continue the trip together
without losing that connection
sometimes we try to ignore those
differences so as not to strain that relationship
that we value so much and other times in
change
we choose to complain and complaints
can introduce stress into our
relations
we have all regretted
give us left too strong for something
that was not so important
and yet the complaint is a part
fundamental of adult relationships
satisfactory and lasting because only
in a relationship where the complaints fit
we have true intimacy in my life
medical professional to therapy
couple and if I had to summarize a lot what
that people ask me what my clients
they want when they come to see me
I would say that people usually hire me
with either of these two things in mind or
well to help them make their
couples listen to their complaints
today to help them make their partners
stop complaining so much because we
we complain so often and some
because we reacted wobbly
Other complaints is related at least
partly with a mechanism of
survival of human beings
we share with the other animals
the fight reaction or and it gives a kind
of antivirus software that gets in
March is activated every time we perceive
an imminent threat
suppose that I managed to trace a hare
and I see one of the tribe next door that
comes with clear intentions of
snatch my children’s food
the mechanism contemplates two options if
I can beat or at least guide the
strange he stood up and fought if
I have to lose in the confrontation
fled
as simple as that
the fight or flight response is
automatic and comes with a
great hormonal discharge that activates us and
prepares us for the action that the
natural selection does not want
let’s think a lot when it comes to
threats to survival wants that
let’s act and fast
this mechanism remains in force in the
currently and it is not activated only before
physical threats our daily life
we are continually before small
moments of fight or flight
for example a man enters his house and
complains honey
again all the lights on without
illuminate nobody always the same name
his wife looks out from the other room
also welcomes and well you answer me
you have thrown all the socks again
on the upside down and I did not say
nothing
this response from the wife before the
complaint of the husband is a clear answer
fighting
another example a mom who chides her
son who has resumed for
third time the same subjects
after they have paid you a
expensive reinforcement academy
the son listens to the mother without looking at her
without answering and the mother before the lack
of the child’s response finally what
rebuke to see what matters to you what
I’m telling you the son squeezes the
lips lowers his head he leaves the
room without answering
this is a typical answer of hear
it may seem excessive to talk about these
daily interactions in terms of
threatens survival but the
the same physiological response is the
same adrenaline rush the same
tension in our muscles the same
activation pattern in our
brain moments of conflict with
our loved ones are accelerated
the heart and the breath and we want
avoid or run away
we feel threatened as ever
have our partner in front of us
mother or our teenage son
we had before the stranger that
comes to take away the food or as if
Julian chased us through the jungle
but threatened because it ‘s a little
exaggerated to have the same reaction
physiological when my husband complains
that when a lion chases me by
bed sheet
it is important to understand what happens in
these moments attack the other when
I feel like they do not listen to me or stay
silent when the other complains and runs away
because I feel bad is not the best
option
I do not want to treat my loved ones
as if they were an enemy but what
happens without realizing just in more
occasions that we would like and is
important to understand what happens
we human beings share the traits
fundamentals of human beings we
we distinguish as a species by two features
fundamental intelligence and
sociability our brain is a great
social brain designed to connect
with others and establish links
we have survived as a species because
we can support each other
from the moment he is born
we are emotionally connected to
our congeners and they do not
they respond and how we connect
emotionally to be born as we mobilize
to others when we need them
complaining when a baby feels
wrong or needs friends complains and
we feel that we want
to comfort him and help him is Spain has
hunger it hurts something maybe it feels
we just vaccinate and make it up
that calms down
our first connections in life
have their origin in our ability to
complain and in the capacity of our
parents respond lovingly to
our complaint protest protest
complain to check that the other
is there is another innate mechanism of
survival and respond to that complaint
we could also call it the
protest mechanism comforts if the
Baby’s complaints unite us emotionally
with him because the same does not happen with
older than happens because we react
so many times fighting instead of asking and
fleeing instead of comforting when the
baby protest and now what we hear
it’s I feel bad you can help me
you are there needed in the middle of all
the protest we are able to hear the
need for the vulnerability that is
they hide behind the complaint and when
we take in our arms and the cradle
moss we are transmitting to you
words or without them
I’m here it ‘s important to me
I love you when the complaints are
among the elderly it is a little bit different
When someone I love complains
from us especially if it sounds
angry
we feel questioned and rejected
I do not like you do it wrong and when we
we complain and the other seems indifferent or
angry about our complaints
I also do not care it ‘s a heavy and
that’s a big threat because the
people we need to feel accepted
important in our relationships
personal
emotional disconnection and rejection
they are toxic for us we fight for
that our special person gives us a
sign that we are important and we flee
to avoid feeling rejected
we do not realize how fragile
we are at those times neither of the
fragility of the other and that’s why many
sometimes we went out what starts being
a request for attention from
one ends up becoming a fight
which is bad or can end up
distance them that is even worse
the humans we humans are not
designed to respond calmly before
criticism and indifference
because we process both as a signal
of emotional rejection and indifference and
this rejection and disconnection
emotional activate our software
survival
so maybe it’s not so much about not
complain or accept complaints without
to talk but to handle the arguments
as what our reaction is usually
automatic when we perceive the
emotional disconnection with the other
maybe we could start looking at each other
to each other as we look at the
babies take a deep breath in those moments and
try to hear noise below
and the adrenaline because the need to
connection is still there although the other
look angry or indifferent
the software is to fight or run away you can not
install is one of those applications that
They come standard and do not offer the option
to eliminate but we can replace
we can update we can update to
a version at any time a
new version
that includes the message I’m here is
important to me I love you
I want
thank you very much
Good Morning
you know that metaphor that life
it’s like a train trip we’re going
going through different seasons and some
people go up and down our car
sometimes it’s a special person like
our partner with our good friend
del cole was seventh favorite with the
what we did transmitters at Christmas is
one of those people who have
sympathy and connection a lot to that mix
of things in common that unites us and
attractive differences that make that
even more special person
feel that we like someone that we
like is the best feelings with
these people do not want to spend time and
have them our lives
as we get to know and let
on the trip together we come to another guy
connection with them
the deep connection that binds us to the
people who really know and
yet we accept as we are
this intimacy takes a little more time
to develop but also of the
better sensations that exist in these
relationships the people we flourish
when something threatens one of these
special people
we want you to know that we are there to
they unconditionally
but as with everything sometimes the threats
come from abroad but come
from inside because he knows the other and that
we know how we are involved
discover new differences
not all attractive and easy to
fit how we handle people from
these difficult differences is how
we do to continue the trip together
without losing that connection
sometimes we try to ignore those
differences so as not to strain that relationship
that we value so much and other times in
change
we choose to complain and complaints
can introduce stress into our
relations
we have all regretted
give us left too strong for something
that was not so important
and yet the complaint is a part
fundamental of adult relationships
satisfactory and lasting because only
in a relationship where the complaints fit
we have true intimacy in my life
medical professional to therapy
couple and if I had to summarize a lot what
that people ask me what my clients
they want when they come to see me
I would say that people usually hire me
with either of these two things in mind or
well to help them make their
couples listen to their complaints
today to help them make their partners
stop complaining so much because we
we complain so often and some
because we reacted wobbly
Other complaints is related at least
partly with a mechanism of
survival of human beings
we share with the other animals
the fight reaction or and it gives a kind
of antivirus software that gets in
March is activated every time we perceive
an imminent threat
suppose that I managed to trace a hare
and I see one of the tribe next door that
comes with clear intentions of
snatch my children’s food
the mechanism contemplates two options if
I can beat or at least guide the
strange he stood up and fought if
I have to lose in the confrontation
fled
as simple as that
the fight or flight response is
automatic and comes with a
great hormonal discharge that activates us and
prepares us for the action that the
natural selection does not want
let’s think a lot when it comes to
threats to survival wants that
let’s act and fast
this mechanism remains in force in the
currently and it is not activated only before
physical threats our daily life
we are continually before small
moments of fight or flight
for example a man enters his house and
complains honey
again all the lights on without
illuminate nobody always the same name
his wife looks out from the other room
also welcomes and well you answer me
you have thrown all the socks again
on the upside down and I did not say
nothing
this response from the wife before the
complaint of the husband is a clear answer
fighting
another example a mom who chides her
son who has resumed for
third time the same subjects
after they have paid you a
expensive reinforcement academy
the son listens to the mother without looking at her
without answering and the mother before the lack
of the child’s response finally what
rebuke to see what matters to you what
I’m telling you the son squeezes the
lips lowers his head he leaves the
room without answering
this is a typical answer of hear
it may seem excessive to talk about these
daily interactions in terms of
threatens survival but the
the same physiological response is the
same adrenaline rush the same
tension in our muscles the same
activation pattern in our
brain moments of conflict with
our loved ones are accelerated
the heart and the breath and we want
avoid or run away
we feel threatened as ever
have our partner in front of us
mother or our teenage son
we had before the stranger that
comes to take away the food or as if
Julian chased us through the jungle
but threatened because it ‘s a little
exaggerated to have the same reaction
physiological when my husband complains
that when a lion chases me by
bed sheet
it is important to understand what happens in
these moments attack the other when
I feel like they do not listen to me or stay
silent when the other complains and runs away
because I feel bad is not the best
option
I do not want to treat my loved ones
as if they were an enemy but what
happens without realizing just in more
occasions that we would like and is
important to understand what happens
we human beings share the traits
fundamentals of human beings we
we distinguish as a species by two features
fundamental intelligence and
sociability our brain is a great
social brain designed to connect
with others and establish links
we have survived as a species because
we can support each other
from the moment he is born
we are emotionally connected to
our congeners and they do not
they respond and how we connect
emotionally to be born as we mobilize
to others when we need them
complaining when a baby feels
wrong or needs friends complains and
we feel that we want
to comfort him and help him is Spain has
hunger it hurts something maybe it feels
we just vaccinate and make it up
that calms down
our first connections in life
have their origin in our ability to
complain and in the capacity of our
parents respond lovingly to
our complaint protest protest
complain to check that the other
is there is another innate mechanism of
survival and respond to that complaint
we could also call it the
protest mechanism comforts if the
Baby’s complaints unite us emotionally
with him because the same does not happen with
older than happens because we react
so many times fighting instead of asking and
fleeing instead of comforting when the
baby protest and now what we hear
it’s I feel bad you can help me
you are there needed in the middle of all
the protest we are able to hear the
need for the vulnerability that is
they hide behind the complaint and when
we take in our arms and the cradle
moss we are transmitting to you
words or without them
I’m here it ‘s important to me
I love you when the complaints are
among the elderly it is a little bit different
When someone I love complains
from us especially if it sounds
angry
we feel questioned and rejected
I do not like you do it wrong and when we
we complain and the other seems indifferent or
angry about our complaints
I also do not care it ‘s a heavy and
that’s a big threat because the
people we need to feel accepted
important in our relationships
personal
emotional disconnection and rejection
they are toxic for us we fight for
that our special person gives us a
sign that we are important and we flee
to avoid feeling rejected
we do not realize how fragile
we are at those times neither of the
fragility of the other and that’s why many
sometimes we went out what starts being
a request for attention from
one ends up becoming a fight
which is bad or can end up
distance them that is even worse
the humans we humans are not
designed to respond calmly before
criticism and indifference
because we process both as a signal
of emotional rejection and indifference and
this rejection and disconnection
emotional activate our software
survival
so maybe it’s not so much about not
complain or accept complaints without
to talk but to handle the arguments
as what our reaction is usually
automatic when we perceive the
emotional disconnection with the other
maybe we could start looking at each other
to each other as we look at the
babies take a deep breath in those moments and
try to hear noise below
and the adrenaline because the need to
connection is still there although the other
look angry or indifferent
the software is to fight or run away you can not
install is one of those applications that
They come standard and do not offer the option
to eliminate but we can replace
we can update we can update to
a version at any time a
new version
that includes the message I’m here is
important to me I love you
I want
thank you very much
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