I’ll Salvador and where are you from New
York
well how many of you are originally from
someplace else and now you live here in
Texas raise your hand oh okay all right
well wherever you’re from
welcome to Plano Texas imagine living
here my hometown Detroit Michigan and
you have the opportunity to live here
and you want to choose this because it’s
the safe thing to do it’s familiar even
though it’s cold and miserable for six
months of the year at least you know it
and maybe more importantly people know
you that was my choice in 2003 my
husband came home from work one
afternoon all excited and he said guess
what honey
Toyota offered me this great job and we
have an opportunity to move to sunny
Southern California what do you think I
love change how fun is not what I said
what I actually said was I’d rather cut
off my right arm even though we always
talked about moving someplace warm and
sunny when I was actually faced with the
reality of it I changed my mind I was
born and raised in Michigan my husband
and I were born in the same hospital we
were baptized in the same church we were
married in the church where we were
baptized all my friends and family lived
there my job that I loved was there I
was not interested in leaving the
comfort and familiarity of everything
that I knew I felt like I had no good
choice here
California was great for a vacation I
just didn’t want to move there my
husband was so excited for this change
and I could only imagine the impact on
our marriage if I said no so I
reluctantly said yes and off we went we
moved this wonderful house near the
beach so that my husband could be close
to his new job and I could see the ocean
every day when I woke up somehow
thinking that would ease the pain of the
move it didn’t
I had no history there I had no
community there and it seemed like a
very real threat I had to find all new
doctors I had to find new grocery stores
I had to make all new friends but one of
the hardest things for me was trying to
find someone to do my hair ladies you
know what I’m talking about
and then I had to drive to all these new
places in my car that didn’t have GPS
and I was terrified I was gonna be lost
all the time not to mention the
legendary Los Angeles traffic every
little change was a huge upset not just
for me but for my husband – he wanted
this change but he was still the new guy
at a new company having to work with all
new people and learn a new job and then
he had to come home to me whose sole
purpose was to make sure that he paid
for ruining my life
now he wasn’t really ruining my life
he’d actually given me a precious gift
he gave me the opportunity to have the
adventure of a lifetime and I was
missing it I was so busy mourning what I
left behind but I couldn’t see what was
right in front of me I found it a lot
easier to blame him for everything that
wasn’t working than to take
responsibility for my own life and this
went on for about two years why do they
do that why did I waste all that
precious time why did I feel the need to
punish my husband well what I learned
was my brain was triggering an
unstoppable visceral response let’s take
a look at how the brain works because
understanding this is a critical piece
of the puzzle and helping us reframe the
way we think about change change can
actually trigger a response in our brain
that negatively impacts our capacity to
think logically and in fact I wasn’t
thinking at all my brain was hijacked
when my husband came home and said we’re
moving to California
my brain was threatened and it went on
autopilot it’s a medical fact that our
brains perceive certain information like
change as a threat and for me having the
comfort and familiarity of Michigan
ripped away from me
was enough to trigger that response in
my brain regardless of how real the
threat actually is doesn’t have to be a
physical threat it could be a perceived
threat something as simple as watching a
scary movie you can tell yourself
consciously oh it’s just a scary movie
but there’s a part of our brain that
can’t distinguish between real threat
and perceived threat it doesn’t listen
this is a cross-section of the human
brain
and that flesh-colored section right in
the center of the brain it’s part of the
limbic system that’s the part of the
brain that doesn’t listen
you’ll still jump and get scared at a
scary movie I can’t even watch scary
movies
it’s automatic it’s the primitive part
of our brain and it was developed
approximately a hundred and fifty
million years ago was designed to keep
us safe from real threat like being
eaten by a saber-toothed tiger it’s what
helped us to survive as a species and
our brain still works the same way today
even though there are no saber-tooth
Tigers it’s our alarm Center and it
responds powerfully to all kinds of
emotionally charged and negative
information again it’s automatic it
loves to replay negative information
negative stories over and over and over
again it’s one of the reasons I was
stuck for so long in my misery of being
ripped away from California ghen to move
to California and I had to leave the
snow and misery and live at the beach it
predicts the awful things that could
happen in your future even though most
of these awful things never even happen
so consider that those awful things tend
to keep you stuck in your comfort zone
and you never go after that new job or
visit that new place or get up and speak
in front of a roomful of people but
there’s good news
you all have familiar patterns of
emotions and body sensations that get
triggered by that part of your brain
when you’re faced with certain change or
things that are new to you it might be
fear it might be frustration it might be
tightness in the pit of your stomach
when you’re faced with that change or
things that are new to you
once you recognize your familiar
patterns those feelings have less power
over you but you have to recognize your
patterns it’s that simple and once I
recognized my familiar patterns of
emotions and body sensations that were
keeping me stuck in a holding pattern in
California they quickly began to lose
their grip on me and it was time for me
to start living again and living in
California was a lot more fun one of my
favorite things about living in
California were the beautiful sunsets
over the ocean every night out my window
I never got tired of that sight and I
thought I would live in California
forever
that brings me to my second story a
couple of years ago my husband came home
from work and he said guess what honey
Toyota is moving their headquarters to
Plano Texas what did I do
I automatically reacted the same way I
did twelve years earlier when he said we
were moving to California even though I
knew I had created a powerful new way of
dealing with change my brains automatic
reaction was not more change how fun my
brains automatic reaction was more along
the lines of I’m filing for divorce I
was angry I was sad all the pain and
tension came back in my neck and
shoulders all those emotions and body
sensations were right there ready to
ambush me fortunately it didn’t take me
two years to see it this time I was able
to quickly step back make a new choice
and create some fun with this adventure
after a few trips back and forth to
Texas we found our new home or should I
say we found our new dirt we were going
from this to this
but it didn’t matter where we were going
it was all part of the fun that I got to
create this was my opportunity to use my
new tools and reframe the way this
change was going to go now I still drive
around North Texas and I have no idea
where I’m going and I start to panic and
I’m driving a car with GPS this time but
that’s the interesting thing about our
brain and change it doesn’t have to be a
big thing or even a real threat it’s
that part of our brain that can’t
distinguish between real threat and
perceived threat it still gets triggered
and as I’m driving around and I notice
it I stop myself and I say wait a minute
you’ve never been here before you don’t
have any history here it’s gonna be okay
and I calm down in the short time I’ve
lived here in Texas I’ve been introduced
to new cultures and new foods new
thoughts and new ideas I’ve experienced
hot air balloons going up in my backyard
I’ve had dinner with alpacas even gone
to cattle drives all with my new Texas
friends the story I’m telling you
tonight is not just my story
I’m the voice of the hundreds of people
who are moving to North Texas each week
we all have an opportunity to embrace
this change or to mourn what we left
behind because change will never stop
happening from the moment were born till
the moment we leave this earth but how
you react to change can change and your
body’s automatic response to change will
never stop
it’s your brain working perfectly but
how you react to that response can
change and make a profound difference in
the quality of your life I want to leave
you tonight with something something to
think about what if one thing was
different and change could be fun what
if it was as simple as this
find a way out of your comfort zone
living life the same way day after day
is not wrong it’s our natural human
tendency but trying new things going to
new places is a great way to expand the
way you think and live and experience
life unhook from your familiar patterns
if you can just stop and notice your
brains automatic reactions you can think
and live and act differently new people
get out and meet them new people will
introduce you to new ideas new thoughts
new ways of being that just might take
you on the adventure of a lifetime by
reframing the way you think about change
you will all have a lot more fun thank you