12 months ago I had a cycling accident I
was participating in a relay cycling
race on an outdoor running track I can’t
tell you exactly what happened how or
why I crashed I don’t remember all I do
recall is that I begged to turn the
corner but something went wrong
something went wrong and I lost control
of my back and with it control of my
mind and body and for a brief and
terrifying moment I was suspended in a
surreal state of serenity as the
railings of the lower grandstand in
front of me
rushed towards me or rather I towards
them the aftermath wasn’t pretty far
from it to be honest but I was alive
conscious and able to walk and talk I
suffered 28 very – bands – chipped teeth
a small chain fracture – displaced joint
discs and a mild concussion yep pain of
the physical injuries aside
I remember being confused at this
diagnosis a mild concussion I was
wearing a helmet I still knew my name
and I could tell you how many fingers
you were holding up so what did it even
mean to have a concussion at that point
I thought the burns and the fractures
the visible physical injuries were the
worst part unfortunately I couldn’t have
been more wrong in the weeks that
followed my burns and fractures healed
but my brain did not now this may sound
strange for those of you who have never
experienced a concussion or don’t really
know what that means because this is
pretty common misconception that
concussions are just a low-key
short-term thing you know you get a
knock on the head maybe see some stars
take a week or two off and alas you’re
good to go
but unfortunately that outcome is often
far from reality a concussion is a
traumatic brain injury all concussions
are traumatic brain injuries and
although some concussions are less
serious than others
no concussion is a minor injury and
contrary to popular belief you do not
have to suffer multiple concussions or
have visible brain damage to experience
very significant short and long-term
neurocognitive effects a fact that I
found out firsthand now it is true that
for most people
symptoms do resolve in the first two to
three weeks
however for approximately 10% of
concussion sufferers this is not the
case for them concussion symptoms can
sometimes last for months or even years
with what is known as post concussion
syndrome and this can include anxiety
depression irritability personality
changes insomnia memory and
concentration problems in addition to
more common symptoms such as headaches
and dizziness old are like all
concussions these symptoms vary from
person to person and both develop and
fluctuate over time and as such there is
no defined recovery period or process
diagnosis or treatment for post
concussion syndrome well as it turned
out I was one of those lucky 10% I
experienced a concussion my first and
only concussion and from this and now
suffering from post concussion syndrome
and to be totally honest that’s
difficult for me to stand up here and
say it’s difficult for me to talk about
what that really means about what it
feels like to not understand what’s
happening to you and to realize that no
one
she does either it’s difficult because
not only is post-concussion syndrome
misunderstood and entirely invisible
there’s a stigma attached to it it
involves mental health and thus many are
worried to talk about how deeply it
affects them because they do not want to
be associated with this stigma they do
not want to be perceived as weak or is
broken for not bouncing back from their
they do not want to be accused of making
their symptoms up due to the lack of
visible diagnostic evidence all left on
the sideline and forgotten because now
there are liability now they’re damaged
goods but because of this silence
because of this collective
misunderstanding first concussion
syndrome is becoming an increasingly
severe problem in the United States from
2010 to 2015 there was a 43% increase in
concussion diagnosis and an 81 percent
increase in post concussion syndrome
however not only a diagnosis on the rise
the effects from suffering even a single
mild concussion a far more devastating
than we previously realized a Canadian
study published in 2016
showed that adults from the general
community not professional athletes or
military personnel but people like you
and like me who suffer just a single
mild concussion and more than three
times as likely to commit suicide in the
years following and was we don’t yet
understand the exact reasons behind this
association the increased risk of
suicide was found to be independent of
demographics or previous psychiatric
conditions and increased again and again
by 30 percent
with each additional concussion
sustained yet this is not on the list of
symptoms that we’re told to look out for
when we experienced a concussion so
months after my accident when I found
myself overcome by negative
self-destructive thoughts feelings and
emotions completely foreign to me
memories about my accident and all that
had and hadn’t happened since I was
terrified I was terrified and I was
confused I didn’t know what was
happening to me I didn’t know what to do
no one warned me I might feel this way
and I couldn’t understand how such a
deep and dark psychological and
emotional turmoil could stem from one
head injury I was embarrassed I was
ashamed I felt like a failure I felt
like I had failed at the one and only
thing that truly mattered I’d fail to
get better now at this point in all
honesty I tanked for a while
how long while I was exhausted I was
mentally and physically exhausted and I
didn’t know when if ever this would all
end if I would ever feel like myself
again but that’s the reality with
post-concussion syndrome for some people
it’s a month and for others it’s years
and there’s really no way to know or
predict where you’ll fall on that
spectrum so as the months wore on
America veries stagnated I found it
harder and harder to keep on going I
struggled to recognize myself anymore
the person who had once been the witty
energetic confident young woman
everyone knew me to be seemed nowhere to
be found
and with a my entire sense of self
previously tied to the successful
student athlete I’d always prided myself
on had vanished too I felt empty I felt
lost
growing up I’d always been identified by
others as academic and a sporty if I
wasn’t in class or studying I was
running dancing swimming in the gym so
when my newfound difficulties with
memory and concentration impacted my
ability to study and retain information
and when my headaches fatigue and
dizziness limited my ability to exercise
beyond walking it really didn’t take
long for the depression anxiety and
frustration to set in and furthermore my
partial resumption of college life had
led people to forget that I was still
injured to them me being here meant that
I’d recovered and was back to normal
there was this expectation this
underlying pressure that because I
looked fine I should be fine and to me
the guilt from that meant that I had to
stay silent and apologize for my injury
I became distant detached I minimized my
pain and my struggles because as I
quickly learned confiding in my friends
only seemed to push them away they felt
held back by my limitations and weighed
down by my frustrations and as a result
my friendships deteriorated and my
relationships became superficial I
became this person that everyone knew
but that no one ever saw anymore because
the truth was the ignorance and the
resulting insensitivity of many people
around me was almost as frustrating as
my seemingly stagnant nonlinear recovery
the constant reminders were debilitating
reminders of the now versus the den
reminders of the discrepancy between
where I was and where I want it to be
comments like aren’t you better already
and when you’re gonna stop playing the
concussion card for each another stab in
an already open bloody wound unwelcome
reminders that I really should have been
better but I wasn’t yet it’s challenging
frustrating and agonizing as his posture
is being eventually things did get
better much better I found hope again
through a friend who stood by me and
judging Lee even through the worst of
times and I found new passions to
satisfy my inner athlete that didn’t
aggravate my symptoms such as yoga and
rock climbing and to be honest that’s
the reality of concussions and post
concussion syndrome one day you do wake
up feeling better and you won’t
necessarily know when that day will come
for some people it might take a lot
longer than for others but once it does
come over time that one day will turn
into two and three and so forth now
don’t let my experiences scare you
not everyone who suffers a concussion
will go through what I did and to be
honest statistically speaking the
chances that you weren’t however if you
do know that it’s okay if you or someone
you know is suffering from post
concussion syndrome or another invisible
injury know that you’re okay and know
that you’re not alone nor that you’re
injured you’re not weak or broken so if
there’s one thing I’d like you to leave
this talk with it’s this I want you to
leave this talk knowing that just
because you can’t see it
just because it isn’t visible on medical
scans does not mean it’s not real or
that it’s any less of an injury just
because it’s invisible doesn’t mean it’s
no big deal where people where people
and we get injured and we get visible
injuries and we get invisible injuries
and that’s okay that’s okay so so we
need awareness we need empathy we need
to end the stigma we need to create a
safe space so people can reach out and
speak up because the only remedy for
invisible injuries the solution to the
misunderstanding and isolation is to
stand strong together thank you [Applause]
was participating in a relay cycling
race on an outdoor running track I can’t
tell you exactly what happened how or
why I crashed I don’t remember all I do
recall is that I begged to turn the
corner but something went wrong
something went wrong and I lost control
of my back and with it control of my
mind and body and for a brief and
terrifying moment I was suspended in a
surreal state of serenity as the
railings of the lower grandstand in
front of me
rushed towards me or rather I towards
them the aftermath wasn’t pretty far
from it to be honest but I was alive
conscious and able to walk and talk I
suffered 28 very – bands – chipped teeth
a small chain fracture – displaced joint
discs and a mild concussion yep pain of
the physical injuries aside
I remember being confused at this
diagnosis a mild concussion I was
wearing a helmet I still knew my name
and I could tell you how many fingers
you were holding up so what did it even
mean to have a concussion at that point
I thought the burns and the fractures
the visible physical injuries were the
worst part unfortunately I couldn’t have
been more wrong in the weeks that
followed my burns and fractures healed
but my brain did not now this may sound
strange for those of you who have never
experienced a concussion or don’t really
know what that means because this is
pretty common misconception that
concussions are just a low-key
short-term thing you know you get a
knock on the head maybe see some stars
take a week or two off and alas you’re
good to go
but unfortunately that outcome is often
far from reality a concussion is a
traumatic brain injury all concussions
are traumatic brain injuries and
although some concussions are less
serious than others
no concussion is a minor injury and
contrary to popular belief you do not
have to suffer multiple concussions or
have visible brain damage to experience
very significant short and long-term
neurocognitive effects a fact that I
found out firsthand now it is true that
for most people
symptoms do resolve in the first two to
three weeks
however for approximately 10% of
concussion sufferers this is not the
case for them concussion symptoms can
sometimes last for months or even years
with what is known as post concussion
syndrome and this can include anxiety
depression irritability personality
changes insomnia memory and
concentration problems in addition to
more common symptoms such as headaches
and dizziness old are like all
concussions these symptoms vary from
person to person and both develop and
fluctuate over time and as such there is
no defined recovery period or process
diagnosis or treatment for post
concussion syndrome well as it turned
out I was one of those lucky 10% I
experienced a concussion my first and
only concussion and from this and now
suffering from post concussion syndrome
and to be totally honest that’s
difficult for me to stand up here and
say it’s difficult for me to talk about
what that really means about what it
feels like to not understand what’s
happening to you and to realize that no
one
she does either it’s difficult because
not only is post-concussion syndrome
misunderstood and entirely invisible
there’s a stigma attached to it it
involves mental health and thus many are
worried to talk about how deeply it
affects them because they do not want to
be associated with this stigma they do
not want to be perceived as weak or is
broken for not bouncing back from their
they do not want to be accused of making
their symptoms up due to the lack of
visible diagnostic evidence all left on
the sideline and forgotten because now
there are liability now they’re damaged
goods but because of this silence
because of this collective
misunderstanding first concussion
syndrome is becoming an increasingly
severe problem in the United States from
2010 to 2015 there was a 43% increase in
concussion diagnosis and an 81 percent
increase in post concussion syndrome
however not only a diagnosis on the rise
the effects from suffering even a single
mild concussion a far more devastating
than we previously realized a Canadian
study published in 2016
showed that adults from the general
community not professional athletes or
military personnel but people like you
and like me who suffer just a single
mild concussion and more than three
times as likely to commit suicide in the
years following and was we don’t yet
understand the exact reasons behind this
association the increased risk of
suicide was found to be independent of
demographics or previous psychiatric
conditions and increased again and again
by 30 percent
with each additional concussion
sustained yet this is not on the list of
symptoms that we’re told to look out for
when we experienced a concussion so
months after my accident when I found
myself overcome by negative
self-destructive thoughts feelings and
emotions completely foreign to me
memories about my accident and all that
had and hadn’t happened since I was
terrified I was terrified and I was
confused I didn’t know what was
happening to me I didn’t know what to do
no one warned me I might feel this way
and I couldn’t understand how such a
deep and dark psychological and
emotional turmoil could stem from one
head injury I was embarrassed I was
ashamed I felt like a failure I felt
like I had failed at the one and only
thing that truly mattered I’d fail to
get better now at this point in all
honesty I tanked for a while
how long while I was exhausted I was
mentally and physically exhausted and I
didn’t know when if ever this would all
end if I would ever feel like myself
again but that’s the reality with
post-concussion syndrome for some people
it’s a month and for others it’s years
and there’s really no way to know or
predict where you’ll fall on that
spectrum so as the months wore on
America veries stagnated I found it
harder and harder to keep on going I
struggled to recognize myself anymore
the person who had once been the witty
energetic confident young woman
everyone knew me to be seemed nowhere to
be found
and with a my entire sense of self
previously tied to the successful
student athlete I’d always prided myself
on had vanished too I felt empty I felt
lost
growing up I’d always been identified by
others as academic and a sporty if I
wasn’t in class or studying I was
running dancing swimming in the gym so
when my newfound difficulties with
memory and concentration impacted my
ability to study and retain information
and when my headaches fatigue and
dizziness limited my ability to exercise
beyond walking it really didn’t take
long for the depression anxiety and
frustration to set in and furthermore my
partial resumption of college life had
led people to forget that I was still
injured to them me being here meant that
I’d recovered and was back to normal
there was this expectation this
underlying pressure that because I
looked fine I should be fine and to me
the guilt from that meant that I had to
stay silent and apologize for my injury
I became distant detached I minimized my
pain and my struggles because as I
quickly learned confiding in my friends
only seemed to push them away they felt
held back by my limitations and weighed
down by my frustrations and as a result
my friendships deteriorated and my
relationships became superficial I
became this person that everyone knew
but that no one ever saw anymore because
the truth was the ignorance and the
resulting insensitivity of many people
around me was almost as frustrating as
my seemingly stagnant nonlinear recovery
the constant reminders were debilitating
reminders of the now versus the den
reminders of the discrepancy between
where I was and where I want it to be
comments like aren’t you better already
and when you’re gonna stop playing the
concussion card for each another stab in
an already open bloody wound unwelcome
reminders that I really should have been
better but I wasn’t yet it’s challenging
frustrating and agonizing as his posture
is being eventually things did get
better much better I found hope again
through a friend who stood by me and
judging Lee even through the worst of
times and I found new passions to
satisfy my inner athlete that didn’t
aggravate my symptoms such as yoga and
rock climbing and to be honest that’s
the reality of concussions and post
concussion syndrome one day you do wake
up feeling better and you won’t
necessarily know when that day will come
for some people it might take a lot
longer than for others but once it does
come over time that one day will turn
into two and three and so forth now
don’t let my experiences scare you
not everyone who suffers a concussion
will go through what I did and to be
honest statistically speaking the
chances that you weren’t however if you
do know that it’s okay if you or someone
you know is suffering from post
concussion syndrome or another invisible
injury know that you’re okay and know
that you’re not alone nor that you’re
injured you’re not weak or broken so if
there’s one thing I’d like you to leave
this talk with it’s this I want you to
leave this talk knowing that just
because you can’t see it
just because it isn’t visible on medical
scans does not mean it’s not real or
that it’s any less of an injury just
because it’s invisible doesn’t mean it’s
no big deal where people where people
and we get injured and we get visible
injuries and we get invisible injuries
and that’s okay that’s okay so so we
need awareness we need empathy we need
to end the stigma we need to create a
safe space so people can reach out and
speak up because the only remedy for
invisible injuries the solution to the
misunderstanding and isolation is to
stand strong together thank you [Applause]
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