Super Bowl Sunday February the 7th 2016
started off like any other Sunday I went
to my Zen meditation group worked out
and then I sat down at my desk to catch
up on email suddenly I hear the sound of
glass breaking coming from the other
side of the house what did that cat
break this time I get up to go and
investigate and out of the shadows steps
a tall dark man next thing I know I’m
face-to-face with a drug-crazed intruder
his fist smashes my face and the blows
keep coming until I fall backward and
hit the floor hard as I’m drifting into
unconsciousness he is kicking me in the
ribs and the voice in my head is saying
get up you’ve got to get out or you’re
gonna die here today
somehow I’m able to pull myself of the
floor and escape through the front door
right into the arms of the police I’m
rushed to hospital treated for a broken
arm cracked skull bruises and contusions
all over my body and they arrest the guy
on the scene the policeman at the
hospital tells me that he’ll probably be
behind bars for the rest of his life but
to my horror because it was his first
offense he was released on bail two days
later I was terrified will he come back
to finish the job I live alone I’m
self-employed and I support my 80 year
old mother how would I manage as the
weeks passed and we waited for trial it
seemed as if my attackers life as a
senior in college was moving forward I
learned on Facebook that he graduated
and then he got a job all the while I
was stuck on my sofa suffering
obviously it’s taken a lot to rebuild my
business in my life but if I had to sum
it up in one word that word would be
courage so I want to share with you what
I’ve learned about building what I call
your courage muscle so that you can have
the strength and resilience you need to
get through tough times enjoy more
success or perhaps help others who may
be struggling for many years I’ve had a
practice of taking a timeout for about
20 minutes every day where I sit in
quiet and solitude and I went right back
to that habit after the attack even
though my mind was in chaos a nothing
valuable went on for a long time I still
sat without busyness or distraction and
it was that habit that small step that I
believed save me from drowning in a
downward spiral of defeat because it
carved out a time and space for healing
and for me to connect with my inner
wisdom
eventually I realized that as horrible
as my circumstances were my attitude was
making things worse if I wanted my life
to get better I was gonna need to stop
being a victim and start taking
responsibility for my happiness going
forward but how my courage muscle was
weak and atrophied and I had no
motivation fortunately I have great
friends who knew how to stretch my
thinking beyond the prison
the fear and inertia that I was in so
when my friend Elizabeth asked whether
my recent trauma might be an opportunity
for deep emotional healing it ticked me
off but it got me thinking when my
client Angela asked whether my horrible
experience might one day lead to some
more important and meaningful work it
ticked me off but say it with me it got
me thinking maybe god this is the
audience-participation part when my
friend Lourdes asked whether how I would
go about reinventing myself now that I
had an opportunity to let go of
everything that no longer served me it
ticked me off but it got me when my
clients when my attackers attorney asked
whether I’d be willing to agree to a
downgrading of charges in exchange for a
guilty plea it no it really took me off
and I said hell no their story was that
this young man had been a model student
an Eagle Scout who had never done drugs
apparently his college mates had
convinced him to try LSD laced with who
knows what
next thing you know he’s having a
psychotic break he commits a violent
crime and now he could be facing a life
sentence
they said he remembered nothing about
the attack that made me crazy I wanted
to show him a picture of every bruise
and take responsibility for my suffering
so I insisted on a face-to-face meeting
and until that was gonna happen I
is gonna focus on healing myself if
you’ve ever gone back to exercise after
a long while then you probably know that
the best way to build your strength is
to use light weight do a lot of
repetition and work out often so I
decided to commit to one small but
courageous act every day ask for help
when I needed it feel and process an
emotion that I might otherwise resist or
perhaps call a business prospect I’d
been avoiding one small conscious
courageous act today just like going to
the gym wow what a difference within a
few weeks I had dozens of
accomplishments my confidence blossomed
and I started to have a different view
of myself in the world as my courage
muscle grew stronger I became more
willing to dive deeper into emotional
and spiritual healing and as I did that
I became more compassionate with myself
and with others as the showdown day with
my attacker approached I wondered what
would happen to him in prison
was he a villain
or a good kid who made a bad decision I
know I made lots of bad mistakes when I
was his age in my mind though he was
still a 10 foot tall monster but when I
saw him again sane sober and dressed in
a suit and tie I realized that he was
desperate
to be forgiven as he handed me a Vaz of
red roses and a box of chocolate
truffles I just blurted out gee you
don’t look nearly as scary as you did
the last time I saw you she was shaking
I’m sorry so sorry he said without
thinking about what I was doing I just
stepped forward to give him a hug next
thing I know he is sobbing in my arms
and I’m comforting him saying I forgive
you
God forgives you It was as if all that
anger and Wade I’d been storing up for
the past year just disappeared and all I
could feel was love after that
I helped him get his charges drastically
reduced he got probation no prison time
and when I was invited to appear on
NBC’s Today Show with megyn kelly to be
interviewed on my book about forgiveness
and how it healed me
the young man willingly stepped forward
to appear with me and take
responsibility for his actions can you
imagine how much courage that took to
appear on national television for him
courage is like a muscle that most
people take for granted but the more we
consciously exercise it the stronger and
more flexible we get so I invite you to
stretch a little outside your comfort
zone every day and commit a small
conscious act of courage I think you’ll
be amazed at how quickly your world
expands how strong and resilient you
become and how much you get done and
when an opportunity presents itself
you’ll have developed the inner power to show up in a big way ready for anything
started off like any other Sunday I went
to my Zen meditation group worked out
and then I sat down at my desk to catch
up on email suddenly I hear the sound of
glass breaking coming from the other
side of the house what did that cat
break this time I get up to go and
investigate and out of the shadows steps
a tall dark man next thing I know I’m
face-to-face with a drug-crazed intruder
his fist smashes my face and the blows
keep coming until I fall backward and
hit the floor hard as I’m drifting into
unconsciousness he is kicking me in the
ribs and the voice in my head is saying
get up you’ve got to get out or you’re
gonna die here today
somehow I’m able to pull myself of the
floor and escape through the front door
right into the arms of the police I’m
rushed to hospital treated for a broken
arm cracked skull bruises and contusions
all over my body and they arrest the guy
on the scene the policeman at the
hospital tells me that he’ll probably be
behind bars for the rest of his life but
to my horror because it was his first
offense he was released on bail two days
later I was terrified will he come back
to finish the job I live alone I’m
self-employed and I support my 80 year
old mother how would I manage as the
weeks passed and we waited for trial it
seemed as if my attackers life as a
senior in college was moving forward I
learned on Facebook that he graduated
and then he got a job all the while I
was stuck on my sofa suffering
obviously it’s taken a lot to rebuild my
business in my life but if I had to sum
it up in one word that word would be
courage so I want to share with you what
I’ve learned about building what I call
your courage muscle so that you can have
the strength and resilience you need to
get through tough times enjoy more
success or perhaps help others who may
be struggling for many years I’ve had a
practice of taking a timeout for about
20 minutes every day where I sit in
quiet and solitude and I went right back
to that habit after the attack even
though my mind was in chaos a nothing
valuable went on for a long time I still
sat without busyness or distraction and
it was that habit that small step that I
believed save me from drowning in a
downward spiral of defeat because it
carved out a time and space for healing
and for me to connect with my inner
wisdom
eventually I realized that as horrible
as my circumstances were my attitude was
making things worse if I wanted my life
to get better I was gonna need to stop
being a victim and start taking
responsibility for my happiness going
forward but how my courage muscle was
weak and atrophied and I had no
motivation fortunately I have great
friends who knew how to stretch my
thinking beyond the prison
the fear and inertia that I was in so
when my friend Elizabeth asked whether
my recent trauma might be an opportunity
for deep emotional healing it ticked me
off but it got me thinking when my
client Angela asked whether my horrible
experience might one day lead to some
more important and meaningful work it
ticked me off but say it with me it got
me thinking maybe god this is the
audience-participation part when my
friend Lourdes asked whether how I would
go about reinventing myself now that I
had an opportunity to let go of
everything that no longer served me it
ticked me off but it got me when my
clients when my attackers attorney asked
whether I’d be willing to agree to a
downgrading of charges in exchange for a
guilty plea it no it really took me off
and I said hell no their story was that
this young man had been a model student
an Eagle Scout who had never done drugs
apparently his college mates had
convinced him to try LSD laced with who
knows what
next thing you know he’s having a
psychotic break he commits a violent
crime and now he could be facing a life
sentence
they said he remembered nothing about
the attack that made me crazy I wanted
to show him a picture of every bruise
and take responsibility for my suffering
so I insisted on a face-to-face meeting
and until that was gonna happen I
is gonna focus on healing myself if
you’ve ever gone back to exercise after
a long while then you probably know that
the best way to build your strength is
to use light weight do a lot of
repetition and work out often so I
decided to commit to one small but
courageous act every day ask for help
when I needed it feel and process an
emotion that I might otherwise resist or
perhaps call a business prospect I’d
been avoiding one small conscious
courageous act today just like going to
the gym wow what a difference within a
few weeks I had dozens of
accomplishments my confidence blossomed
and I started to have a different view
of myself in the world as my courage
muscle grew stronger I became more
willing to dive deeper into emotional
and spiritual healing and as I did that
I became more compassionate with myself
and with others as the showdown day with
my attacker approached I wondered what
would happen to him in prison
was he a villain
or a good kid who made a bad decision I
know I made lots of bad mistakes when I
was his age in my mind though he was
still a 10 foot tall monster but when I
saw him again sane sober and dressed in
a suit and tie I realized that he was
desperate
to be forgiven as he handed me a Vaz of
red roses and a box of chocolate
truffles I just blurted out gee you
don’t look nearly as scary as you did
the last time I saw you she was shaking
I’m sorry so sorry he said without
thinking about what I was doing I just
stepped forward to give him a hug next
thing I know he is sobbing in my arms
and I’m comforting him saying I forgive
you
God forgives you It was as if all that
anger and Wade I’d been storing up for
the past year just disappeared and all I
could feel was love after that
I helped him get his charges drastically
reduced he got probation no prison time
and when I was invited to appear on
NBC’s Today Show with megyn kelly to be
interviewed on my book about forgiveness
and how it healed me
the young man willingly stepped forward
to appear with me and take
responsibility for his actions can you
imagine how much courage that took to
appear on national television for him
courage is like a muscle that most
people take for granted but the more we
consciously exercise it the stronger and
more flexible we get so I invite you to
stretch a little outside your comfort
zone every day and commit a small
conscious act of courage I think you’ll
be amazed at how quickly your world
expands how strong and resilient you
become and how much you get done and
when an opportunity presents itself
you’ll have developed the inner power to show up in a big way ready for anything
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