once upon a time as a young girl I read
all the fairy tales I wanted to be a
princess
I wanted my prince charming even if I
had to kiss a frog I knew once Prince
Charming and I met we would fall madly
in love and live happily ever after as a
child the promise of the classic fairy
tale Sleeping Beauty left me unprepared
for when my parents got divorced looking
back I realized what a great job they
did of keeping their issues between them
at 12 years old their divorce was a
complete shock to me however even though
they had an amicable divorce I still
suffered from depression and anxiety as
a child which I carried with me into
adulthood
once upon another time during a chance
encounter I met a French pastry chef he
was charming and he made charming pastry
he was like a prince of charming pastry
we soon fell in love got married and had
a child I guess you could say we were
rolling in dough on our way to happily
ever after until we had the fight that
ended us it was 10 years before we split
thankfully I remembered my parents
peaceful divorce and was prepared but my
child wasn’t and that’s when I realized
my little redhead daughter’s well-being
was going to be the most important part
of our ending I didn’t want her to go
through what I had look I can’t give you
marriage advice I can however give you
divorce advice so I’d like to propose a
new way to get divorced
I call it divorce CPR c is for courtesy
P is for peace and r is for respect
why CPR in the medical world CPR is
cardiopulmonary resuscitation
used to restore blood circulation
and someone dealing with cardiac arrest
the kind of CPR I’m proposing is also
for the heart for the emotional heart of
our children and for ourselves the fee
in my version of CPR stands for courtesy
simply being polite to each other not
always easy when you’re angry or hurt it
takes very little energy to be polite
but it does take intentionality in the
fairy tale Snow White and the Seven
Dwarves the first time she falls asleep
is after she’s forced out of her home
and then she eats a poison apple and she
falls asleep again
now I’m not trying to insinuate that
Snow White suffered from depression but
she sure did a lot of sleeping according
to the American Psychological
Association children from divorced homes
are 300% more likely to suffer from
depression and anxiety and need
psychological help not what most of us
want for our children to suffer from
depression or anxiety you may be asking
how does courtesy help simple it forces
a person to interact with others rather
than shutting down or sleeping like Snow
White which often happens with
depression I don’t recommend sleeping
during a divorce
I do recommend pausing before you speak
words after they’re spoken are one of
the few things you can’t get back I
learned that lesson many times I also
learn the best teaching tool for
courtesy from Snow White’s stepmother
it’s actually to look at yourself and
your very own magic mirror imagine
looking into the mirror and saying
mirror mirror on the wall who was the
most courteous of them all speaking to
yourself in the mirror gives you an idea
of what the person you’re speaking to
will see if the image you see doesn’t
match the vision you want to share with
the world you can change it courteously
of course
the P in my version of CPR stands for
peace in the classic tale of Hansel and
Gretel they’re left in the woods
surrounded by trees to fend for
themselves an old witch takes them in
and they later need to outsmart her so
they can run away after they escape
they’re reunited with their father but
they went through a miserable ordeal
first adjusting to new situations is
never easy it doesn’t always feel
peaceful my former husband was like
Hansel and I felt like Gretel and all
was well until he found herself
surrounded by the dark woods of divorce
not to mention the witch wanting her
piece of the pie us we realized we
needed to work together to peacefully
get out of the woods and do mediation
here’s what I want you to know working
together peacefully was a conscious
choice on both of our parts and took a
lot of effort figuring out how to be
peaceful required a lot of patience I
felt like I was surrounded on all sides
by uncertainties and fears I couldn’t
see the whole picture it’s hard to see
the center of the circle when you’re
standing in it and that’s when I
realized the one thing I needed to do
was step back in order to move forward
right I can see the center of the circle
now this can be a physical and an
emotional step back it creates space
when you’re fighting and you may fight
during a divorce
remember it’s okay to step back
physically and emotionally when you can
give one another some breathing room you
can see the forest through the trees and
our our stands for respect respect for
yourself
and others around you Pinocchio is
another favorite fairytale of mine he
was known for two things lying and
running away
every time he lied he distanced himself
from the truth and his nose grew every
time he ran away he distanced himself
from love and left his father it took a
crisis and an encounter with a whale for
him to return home my parents had an
amicable divorce and I believe that was
a conscious choice on their part to show
respect to each other and our family
it’s about showing up and not running
away
it’s about being truthful to ourselves
and others now it would be so much
easier if we each had Pinocchio’s friend
Jiminy Cricket sitting on our shoulder
to let us know when we’re not making the
best choices here’s the good news you do
it’s called your conscience
it’s your internal sense of right and
wrong a moral compass if you will Jiminy
Cricket is our conscience and if we each
have a conscience the best thing we can
do to show respect is listen to Arms in
my experience there were plenty of times
neither of us wanted to listen to each
other the challenge is that we have a
child together in a sense our daughter
was our own Jiminy Cricket our
conscience quietly whispering to us to
be respectful of one another for her
sake
listening to one another with respect
and really hearing what the other person
is saying feels more like happily ever
after in reality most people probably
don’t want to argue over who gets the
silverware the magic mirror custody of
the seven little dwarves but I believe
many people argue over these things to
avoid dealing with the real issues hurt
feelings grief and loss so applying the
principles of courtesy peace and respect
help everyone involved to look in the
mirror take a step back and really
listen to one another
and it’s one thing to be trained in CPR
and another to use it during a crisis
I’d like to invite you to use my version
of CPR divorce isn’t ending it’s also a
beginning a chance to do things
differently it looks different on
everyone and that’s okay because we all
get to choose to live happily ever after
thank you [Applause]
all the fairy tales I wanted to be a
princess
I wanted my prince charming even if I
had to kiss a frog I knew once Prince
Charming and I met we would fall madly
in love and live happily ever after as a
child the promise of the classic fairy
tale Sleeping Beauty left me unprepared
for when my parents got divorced looking
back I realized what a great job they
did of keeping their issues between them
at 12 years old their divorce was a
complete shock to me however even though
they had an amicable divorce I still
suffered from depression and anxiety as
a child which I carried with me into
adulthood
once upon another time during a chance
encounter I met a French pastry chef he
was charming and he made charming pastry
he was like a prince of charming pastry
we soon fell in love got married and had
a child I guess you could say we were
rolling in dough on our way to happily
ever after until we had the fight that
ended us it was 10 years before we split
thankfully I remembered my parents
peaceful divorce and was prepared but my
child wasn’t and that’s when I realized
my little redhead daughter’s well-being
was going to be the most important part
of our ending I didn’t want her to go
through what I had look I can’t give you
marriage advice I can however give you
divorce advice so I’d like to propose a
new way to get divorced
I call it divorce CPR c is for courtesy
P is for peace and r is for respect
why CPR in the medical world CPR is
cardiopulmonary resuscitation
used to restore blood circulation
and someone dealing with cardiac arrest
the kind of CPR I’m proposing is also
for the heart for the emotional heart of
our children and for ourselves the fee
in my version of CPR stands for courtesy
simply being polite to each other not
always easy when you’re angry or hurt it
takes very little energy to be polite
but it does take intentionality in the
fairy tale Snow White and the Seven
Dwarves the first time she falls asleep
is after she’s forced out of her home
and then she eats a poison apple and she
falls asleep again
now I’m not trying to insinuate that
Snow White suffered from depression but
she sure did a lot of sleeping according
to the American Psychological
Association children from divorced homes
are 300% more likely to suffer from
depression and anxiety and need
psychological help not what most of us
want for our children to suffer from
depression or anxiety you may be asking
how does courtesy help simple it forces
a person to interact with others rather
than shutting down or sleeping like Snow
White which often happens with
depression I don’t recommend sleeping
during a divorce
I do recommend pausing before you speak
words after they’re spoken are one of
the few things you can’t get back I
learned that lesson many times I also
learn the best teaching tool for
courtesy from Snow White’s stepmother
it’s actually to look at yourself and
your very own magic mirror imagine
looking into the mirror and saying
mirror mirror on the wall who was the
most courteous of them all speaking to
yourself in the mirror gives you an idea
of what the person you’re speaking to
will see if the image you see doesn’t
match the vision you want to share with
the world you can change it courteously
of course
the P in my version of CPR stands for
peace in the classic tale of Hansel and
Gretel they’re left in the woods
surrounded by trees to fend for
themselves an old witch takes them in
and they later need to outsmart her so
they can run away after they escape
they’re reunited with their father but
they went through a miserable ordeal
first adjusting to new situations is
never easy it doesn’t always feel
peaceful my former husband was like
Hansel and I felt like Gretel and all
was well until he found herself
surrounded by the dark woods of divorce
not to mention the witch wanting her
piece of the pie us we realized we
needed to work together to peacefully
get out of the woods and do mediation
here’s what I want you to know working
together peacefully was a conscious
choice on both of our parts and took a
lot of effort figuring out how to be
peaceful required a lot of patience I
felt like I was surrounded on all sides
by uncertainties and fears I couldn’t
see the whole picture it’s hard to see
the center of the circle when you’re
standing in it and that’s when I
realized the one thing I needed to do
was step back in order to move forward
right I can see the center of the circle
now this can be a physical and an
emotional step back it creates space
when you’re fighting and you may fight
during a divorce
remember it’s okay to step back
physically and emotionally when you can
give one another some breathing room you
can see the forest through the trees and
our our stands for respect respect for
yourself
and others around you Pinocchio is
another favorite fairytale of mine he
was known for two things lying and
running away
every time he lied he distanced himself
from the truth and his nose grew every
time he ran away he distanced himself
from love and left his father it took a
crisis and an encounter with a whale for
him to return home my parents had an
amicable divorce and I believe that was
a conscious choice on their part to show
respect to each other and our family
it’s about showing up and not running
away
it’s about being truthful to ourselves
and others now it would be so much
easier if we each had Pinocchio’s friend
Jiminy Cricket sitting on our shoulder
to let us know when we’re not making the
best choices here’s the good news you do
it’s called your conscience
it’s your internal sense of right and
wrong a moral compass if you will Jiminy
Cricket is our conscience and if we each
have a conscience the best thing we can
do to show respect is listen to Arms in
my experience there were plenty of times
neither of us wanted to listen to each
other the challenge is that we have a
child together in a sense our daughter
was our own Jiminy Cricket our
conscience quietly whispering to us to
be respectful of one another for her
sake
listening to one another with respect
and really hearing what the other person
is saying feels more like happily ever
after in reality most people probably
don’t want to argue over who gets the
silverware the magic mirror custody of
the seven little dwarves but I believe
many people argue over these things to
avoid dealing with the real issues hurt
feelings grief and loss so applying the
principles of courtesy peace and respect
help everyone involved to look in the
mirror take a step back and really
listen to one another
and it’s one thing to be trained in CPR
and another to use it during a crisis
I’d like to invite you to use my version
of CPR divorce isn’t ending it’s also a
beginning a chance to do things
differently it looks different on
everyone and that’s okay because we all
get to choose to live happily ever after
thank you [Applause]
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