have you ever agreed with a friend that
their favorite song was also your
favorite song have you ever checked in
with a friend to see what closes are
wearing for the day just to make sure
that you fit in have you ever said that
you were going to work out even when you
didn’t really want to just because you
felt pressured well I’m gonna say that
most of you have said these things to
appears before with the intent of trying
to fit in well actually desiring to do
the downright opposite you I’d you do
this because there’s that constant
reading feeling of needing to belong you
don’t need to fit into society you don’t
need to be popular you need to be
yourself you’re happier when you’re the
real you rather than the you that you
think society wants you to be if you
constantly try and focus on what others
think of you on how others perceive you
you can easily become stressed anxious
or even depressed I know this because
this is what happened to me this was me
in fifth grade
long hair buck teeth everything I loved
my hair my imperfections my weirdness I
loved who I was just two years later
though starting in seventh grade I grew
to only care about what people thought
of me as you can see I’m looking just a
little bit different I got a buzz cut
because I noticed that all the guys my
age had that kind of hair all I wanted
was to be like them and to be liked by
them I even got different clothes than
what I normally wear in order to fit in
more every thought of mine was always
revolving around others judging me you
know is my hair weird or my clothes ugly
is my music taste bad if I mess up or
people gonna laugh at me even this
problem that’s completely out of my
control
you know this isn’t something that I’ve
told many people but I have a problem
pronouncing certain sounds sounds such
as the SH sound the CH sound the G sound
and even the J sound which is annoying
considering my name is Jamie I always
thought that this was one of my worst
qualities and that people would make fun
of me for it which is why I didn’t talk
about
throughout those years these thoughts
constantly went through my head and I
could never be happy due to the fact
that I thought I couldn’t please others
as you can see I didn’t smile in
pictures anymore
I became so unhappy and so unhappy with
everything because I thought I was never
good enough for anyone later I actually
found out that in seventh grade I was
known as the quiet sad kid ever since
about a year and a half ago though I
began to change who I was
thanks to my brother John and that’s him
right there my brother had a similar
phase in his life where he was also
self-conscious about certain aspects of
himself as well I remember him telling
me though that it was slowly killing him
looking for happiness and for approval
from others because he was never able to
satisfy himself he said to me your
baseline for reality starts with you you
make the rules you’ll never live up to
someone’s standards of perfection
because you’re you and they’re them just
live to impress yourself and you’ll be
happy
I admired what he said and how he was
able to change his entire life
perspective and he was and still is my
idols so I wanted to be able to do what
he did because I saw how much happier he
became so I decided to follow his path
and stop focusing on what others thought
of me but I wasn’t able to just
instantly stop being self-conscious you
know I was nervous I was afraid to do
such a thing because I too thought it
was an impossible task but I remember I
was trying for a few weeks to step
outside my comfort zone but I just I
couldn’t do it however one day when I
was in the car with my friends they
asked if I wanted to play my music now
normally when they asked me they said
just say nah don’t play my music play
yours you won’t like mine but this time
I hesitantly said um sure
now my thought process into this was
that I always have to listen to their
music over and over again so why not
listen to something that I want to when
I’m given the opportunity so we played
my favorite song at the time stricken by
disturbed and for those of you who are
unfamiliar with my music taste just
listen to the name
Bend disturbed that’s the type of music
I listen to so 30 seconds into the song
though my friends including the driver
collectively jumped to the aux cord
ignoring all safety of all the
passengers unplugged my phone and said
okay no more of your music it sucks now
normally this would be really like I
would have been really upset about this
but this time I thought to myself that
was a huge step forward for me the me
from two months ago would have never
done such a thing I took that risk
even if it seems like a small one and
after this what I realized was my
friends didn’t think any differently of
me and that right there was the moment
that changed my life as simple and dumb
as it may sound I realized that my
happiness shouldn’t come from what
others think of me and as I continued to
recognize this I became more confident
in who I was and over time I began to be
more and more myself in front of more
people for the first time when someone
asked what music I liked I told them my
favorite genre my favorite band my
favorite songs drummer guitarist
everything when someone asked what my
hair looks weird I’d say to them I like
it this way rather than a oh the wind
messed up my hair which is what the old
me would have said I became so confident
in myself and so happy with who I really
was and I know that there were millions
and millions of teenagers that still
have this problem of insecurity they may
not have been self-conscious about what
I was self-conscious about but most had
insecurities a recent study reported by
statistic brain shows that 53% of
teenagers are insecure about their
weight but more astonishing 90% of
teenage girls said that they wanted to
change at least one aspect of their
physical appearance in one way or
another for body image alone almost
every teenage girl that was surveyed
said they wanted to change their
appearance and there are thousands of
other things that people can be and are
insecure about which goes to show how
many people Hughley have gone through
and are still going through this problem
of insecurity whether they showed it or
not to all the teenagers out there in
the audience to everyone listening it’s
so
to be yourself and to stray away from
the idea that it matters what others
think of you it may seem hard it might
even seem impossible but you have to
take that risk jump off the highest
diving board
ride the double diamond get up and do a
TED talk be a risk taker I’ve had that
feeling that one mistake you make will
spread around your school to community I
know that the people were afraid to be
ourselves in front of our the people
that we see at school every day that
what they think is most important
because they’re always there well so
what if we make a mistake you make
spreads around your community so what if
you if your peers are always there is
that so bad it’s important to understand
that everyone makes mistakes everyone is
always there so why not embrace it why
not laugh at yourself when you make a
mistake why make it matter what others
think of you you’ll create a happier you
in embracing who you are showing your
community the country the world who you
are for once when someone asks why you
listen to that type of music say because
I like it when someone asks why you wear
these clothes say because I like it any
physical aspects of yourselves that you
love any characteristics of yourselves
that you love don’t change just to
please others and for those of you that
have tried to not focus on what others
think of you and feel that it doesn’t
work keep trying don’t accept defeat
here keep being you you’ll find people
that truly care about you real friends
real people that you consider family
actual happiness it may not happen
immediately but it will happen and if
someone doesn’t like who the real you is
and would prefer a version of you that
suits them then they’re not the type of
friends you fake try to surround
yourself with try to surround yourselves
with the people that want to surround
themselves with you you need to slowly
start taking the risks that you once
never would have taken you have to push
yourself to be yourself and you have to
want to do so happiness doesn’t come
from others opinions on who you are
happiness is being able to go to the
beach without being scared to take off
your shirt happiness is being able to
wear your favorite clothes happiness is
being able to make a mistake and then
laugh it off
happiness is being able to show your
passion to everyone around you without
any fear of their judgement
that’s funny that’s my music it’s
different it’s loud it’s heavy some
might even say that is downright awful
but it makes me happy because music and
guitar with a few things that I stuck
with throughout my years of insecurity
they were my escape something that I
could listen to or play in my room alone
without anyone else’s judgment that’s
what guitar was for me though before but
here I am today not hiding in my room
I’m doing what I love I’m playing in
front of you all expressing Who I am by
doing what I love and doing what makes
me happy do what makes you happy
no matter how different it may be than
what makes others happy because
happiness is doing what you love
it’s loving who you are and knowing that
you are the best version of you thank
you [Applause]
their favorite song was also your
favorite song have you ever checked in
with a friend to see what closes are
wearing for the day just to make sure
that you fit in have you ever said that
you were going to work out even when you
didn’t really want to just because you
felt pressured well I’m gonna say that
most of you have said these things to
appears before with the intent of trying
to fit in well actually desiring to do
the downright opposite you I’d you do
this because there’s that constant
reading feeling of needing to belong you
don’t need to fit into society you don’t
need to be popular you need to be
yourself you’re happier when you’re the
real you rather than the you that you
think society wants you to be if you
constantly try and focus on what others
think of you on how others perceive you
you can easily become stressed anxious
or even depressed I know this because
this is what happened to me this was me
in fifth grade
long hair buck teeth everything I loved
my hair my imperfections my weirdness I
loved who I was just two years later
though starting in seventh grade I grew
to only care about what people thought
of me as you can see I’m looking just a
little bit different I got a buzz cut
because I noticed that all the guys my
age had that kind of hair all I wanted
was to be like them and to be liked by
them I even got different clothes than
what I normally wear in order to fit in
more every thought of mine was always
revolving around others judging me you
know is my hair weird or my clothes ugly
is my music taste bad if I mess up or
people gonna laugh at me even this
problem that’s completely out of my
control
you know this isn’t something that I’ve
told many people but I have a problem
pronouncing certain sounds sounds such
as the SH sound the CH sound the G sound
and even the J sound which is annoying
considering my name is Jamie I always
thought that this was one of my worst
qualities and that people would make fun
of me for it which is why I didn’t talk
about
throughout those years these thoughts
constantly went through my head and I
could never be happy due to the fact
that I thought I couldn’t please others
as you can see I didn’t smile in
pictures anymore
I became so unhappy and so unhappy with
everything because I thought I was never
good enough for anyone later I actually
found out that in seventh grade I was
known as the quiet sad kid ever since
about a year and a half ago though I
began to change who I was
thanks to my brother John and that’s him
right there my brother had a similar
phase in his life where he was also
self-conscious about certain aspects of
himself as well I remember him telling
me though that it was slowly killing him
looking for happiness and for approval
from others because he was never able to
satisfy himself he said to me your
baseline for reality starts with you you
make the rules you’ll never live up to
someone’s standards of perfection
because you’re you and they’re them just
live to impress yourself and you’ll be
happy
I admired what he said and how he was
able to change his entire life
perspective and he was and still is my
idols so I wanted to be able to do what
he did because I saw how much happier he
became so I decided to follow his path
and stop focusing on what others thought
of me but I wasn’t able to just
instantly stop being self-conscious you
know I was nervous I was afraid to do
such a thing because I too thought it
was an impossible task but I remember I
was trying for a few weeks to step
outside my comfort zone but I just I
couldn’t do it however one day when I
was in the car with my friends they
asked if I wanted to play my music now
normally when they asked me they said
just say nah don’t play my music play
yours you won’t like mine but this time
I hesitantly said um sure
now my thought process into this was
that I always have to listen to their
music over and over again so why not
listen to something that I want to when
I’m given the opportunity so we played
my favorite song at the time stricken by
disturbed and for those of you who are
unfamiliar with my music taste just
listen to the name
Bend disturbed that’s the type of music
I listen to so 30 seconds into the song
though my friends including the driver
collectively jumped to the aux cord
ignoring all safety of all the
passengers unplugged my phone and said
okay no more of your music it sucks now
normally this would be really like I
would have been really upset about this
but this time I thought to myself that
was a huge step forward for me the me
from two months ago would have never
done such a thing I took that risk
even if it seems like a small one and
after this what I realized was my
friends didn’t think any differently of
me and that right there was the moment
that changed my life as simple and dumb
as it may sound I realized that my
happiness shouldn’t come from what
others think of me and as I continued to
recognize this I became more confident
in who I was and over time I began to be
more and more myself in front of more
people for the first time when someone
asked what music I liked I told them my
favorite genre my favorite band my
favorite songs drummer guitarist
everything when someone asked what my
hair looks weird I’d say to them I like
it this way rather than a oh the wind
messed up my hair which is what the old
me would have said I became so confident
in myself and so happy with who I really
was and I know that there were millions
and millions of teenagers that still
have this problem of insecurity they may
not have been self-conscious about what
I was self-conscious about but most had
insecurities a recent study reported by
statistic brain shows that 53% of
teenagers are insecure about their
weight but more astonishing 90% of
teenage girls said that they wanted to
change at least one aspect of their
physical appearance in one way or
another for body image alone almost
every teenage girl that was surveyed
said they wanted to change their
appearance and there are thousands of
other things that people can be and are
insecure about which goes to show how
many people Hughley have gone through
and are still going through this problem
of insecurity whether they showed it or
not to all the teenagers out there in
the audience to everyone listening it’s
so
to be yourself and to stray away from
the idea that it matters what others
think of you it may seem hard it might
even seem impossible but you have to
take that risk jump off the highest
diving board
ride the double diamond get up and do a
TED talk be a risk taker I’ve had that
feeling that one mistake you make will
spread around your school to community I
know that the people were afraid to be
ourselves in front of our the people
that we see at school every day that
what they think is most important
because they’re always there well so
what if we make a mistake you make
spreads around your community so what if
you if your peers are always there is
that so bad it’s important to understand
that everyone makes mistakes everyone is
always there so why not embrace it why
not laugh at yourself when you make a
mistake why make it matter what others
think of you you’ll create a happier you
in embracing who you are showing your
community the country the world who you
are for once when someone asks why you
listen to that type of music say because
I like it when someone asks why you wear
these clothes say because I like it any
physical aspects of yourselves that you
love any characteristics of yourselves
that you love don’t change just to
please others and for those of you that
have tried to not focus on what others
think of you and feel that it doesn’t
work keep trying don’t accept defeat
here keep being you you’ll find people
that truly care about you real friends
real people that you consider family
actual happiness it may not happen
immediately but it will happen and if
someone doesn’t like who the real you is
and would prefer a version of you that
suits them then they’re not the type of
friends you fake try to surround
yourself with try to surround yourselves
with the people that want to surround
themselves with you you need to slowly
start taking the risks that you once
never would have taken you have to push
yourself to be yourself and you have to
want to do so happiness doesn’t come
from others opinions on who you are
happiness is being able to go to the
beach without being scared to take off
your shirt happiness is being able to
wear your favorite clothes happiness is
being able to make a mistake and then
laugh it off
happiness is being able to show your
passion to everyone around you without
any fear of their judgement
that’s funny that’s my music it’s
different it’s loud it’s heavy some
might even say that is downright awful
but it makes me happy because music and
guitar with a few things that I stuck
with throughout my years of insecurity
they were my escape something that I
could listen to or play in my room alone
without anyone else’s judgment that’s
what guitar was for me though before but
here I am today not hiding in my room
I’m doing what I love I’m playing in
front of you all expressing Who I am by
doing what I love and doing what makes
me happy do what makes you happy
no matter how different it may be than
what makes others happy because
happiness is doing what you love
it’s loving who you are and knowing that
you are the best version of you thank
you [Applause]
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