early one morning in 2001 a mother and
father were getting ready for work they
had two beautiful daughters and
successful jobs in New York City their
one-year-old was sick and the nanny was
running late so the parents flipped a
coin to see who would stay home and who
would go to work my dad lost that
flipped coin and it turns out that my
cold saved his life
if my dad a first responder and an
electrician had won the coin toss he
would have been called into work but he
stayed home with me it was September
11th and he worked in the World Trade
Center or two of the four planes crashed
that morning his entire crew perished
that day if the nanny were not late if I
were not sick or if the simple luck of a
flip coin did not occur I would have no
dad now imagine Christmas Eve in New
York City 15 years after 9/11 I am no
longer talking to my father who 15 years
earlier just narrowly missed death we
were killing time before our dinner
reservations and everything seemed
normal especially my dad but that all
changed unexpectedly when he told us he
had prostate cancer I didn’t say
anything and had no empathy for him
because at this point in my life I
simply did not care I already felt like
I didn’t have a father so the fact that
he could eventually pass away from this
did not faze me
he’s been constantly sick with post 9/11
illness so it was not new to me and I
did not care you’re all probably
thinking what is wrong with you your dad
has cancer well guess what I really did
not care what happened to him and I had
not since I was 10 today however if the
same situation happened I would have
been a complete wreck because I learned
how to forgive forgiveness is gaining
compassion for those who have wronged us
letting go of the past and moving on can
be a difficult task but it brings peace
to the soul and builds character so
today I’m incredibly happy to be sharing
my story with you and the lessons I have
learned about forgiveness so let me fill
you in as to why I was no longer talking
to my dad after he was a first responder
he became extremely sick with post 9/11
illness and 99% disabled from the debris
at ground
the site where the first responders were
saving the victims and pulling dead
bodies from the ruins I can never
imagine being a part of something so
heroic and devastating at the same time
years later when we moved out of the
city and I was seven living on a 155
acre lumber farm in upstate New York I
felt like I had a perfect life filled
with family friends and loved I was so
fortunate to be going to private school
living in a big house with lots of land
to run around own a goldfish shaped pool
and lots of dogs and cats running around
with me I was happy and I thought my
family was happy however for years my
mother and father tried to hide from me
and my older sister how much he was
struggling with his health and his
marriage my father retired and my mother
did not work so money started to become
an issue of course I had no knowledge of
any of this I remember the day I started
to hold a grudge against my father
in March of 2008 I walked downstairs to
screaming and crying I remember facing
the kitchen standing by the couch where
my parents stood fighting not even
noticing our presence it was the most
horrific sight to see as an
eight-year-old I was confused and scared
of my father my sister who was 12 at the
time would scream stop fighting but
nothing worked my father through my
mother’s keys in our direction and left
without saying anything that was the
last I saw of him until 2010 for my
birthday it was really scary seeing him
after that all of that I did not talk to
him I did not even look at him
my mother eventually became a different
woman from all of a sudden changes in
her life it was not what she wanted or
planned for obviously but not being
prepared for these changes cause stress
and panic I hated seeing her like that
it was eventually hate that I felt for
my dad because I blamed him for all of
our problems my sister and I having to
go to public school in Syracuse New York
living in a one bathroom house with
three girls on a busy street then my mom
struggling to find a job for years on
the edge of being broke and this gap he
created at our family our lifestyle was
completely up
ended and it was his fault because from
my point of view we went from an almost
perfect ideal life to what felt like
nothing in 2011 while my parents divorce
was being finalized I was ordered by the
court to see my dad once a month until I
was 16 but every month I never wanted to
go this cycle of seeing my dad once a
month not talking to him when we weren’t
together and that his comfort I felt
whenever his name was mentioned only
reinforced my resentment I resisted
kicking and screaming until I was 16
just to get into his car being in the
city was not enjoyable anymore
I would feel sorry for myself and sit in
his small apartment on one visit he had
a complete breakdown driving my sister
and me from a medical appointment he had
he pulled the car over and started to
cry and apologize he knew his actions
and habits were affecting us negatively
mostly because we let him know it he
felt remorse for what he had done in his
life and how it affected us I wanted to
cry and say that everything was okay but
I didn’t I forced myself to say nothing
I forced myself to feel nothing my
sister stopped seeing my dad once a
months and she headed off to boarding
school in North Carolina when I was 13
and I had to go visit him alone when my
sister was there I had someone but I
didn’t anymore
my father was often irritable and still
recovering it took energy to ignore
complain and fight with him when my
friends would ask about my dad I would
say I basically don’t have one I would
go days and days without thinking about
him talking to him and forgetting he
even existed but today as we listen to
the twists and turns of our lives
I’m incredibly happy to say that I no
longer hold this grudge that I had since
I could remember holding a grudge is
like drinking poison and waiting for the
other person to die this quote was first
presented to me by my teacher and I knew
it was perfect for my talk you see when
I was at my lowest the person I least
expected was there for me with no
judgment he told me he was going to help
me from that point I expressed to him
how unhappy I was in Syracuse with my
mom and at my school
without hesitation he found st. Andrews
and North Broward prep to boarding
schools in South Florida I could attend
my senior year after visiting I was all
for it
I mean compared South Florida whether to
upstate New York whether I was obviously
done for it but mostly I wanted to do
over my father was the one who gave me
the opportunity and I will forever be
thankful from that point on I slowly
started to let go of the grudge as he
became a steady presence in my life
since the first time I could remember it
was very much like a weight being lifted
off my shoulder when I was finally able
to let go and forgive during the time my
dad was there for me because I was the
one drinking the poison all along I
thought what is the point anymore
I was in pain from all the time and
energy focused on hating him which
affected me more than it did him I
realized by changing my attitude and
appreciating his role in my life were
the two key things I had to work on I
used to think that it was him that both
he and the past had to change for him to
ever earn my forgiveness but I was wrong
so paradoxically it was my father who
taught me the importance of forgiveness
as he was the one person I told myself I
would never forgive this year I spent
every weekend in February with him
traveling to different cities sharing a
hotel room a few years ago if I had to
spend even one weekend with him I would
have thought it would be the end of the
world surprisingly it was some of the
most fun and memorable moments I may
have with my dad as a teenager our
relationship today is only becoming
stronger each time we are together since
I have awakened to this new power of
forgiveness
especially for those closest to us I’m
upset about all the times I missed out
on because I was holding a grudge
against my father I’m also beginning to
understand that forgiveness all around
is the best medicine and therefore I am
forgiving myself for holding a grudge
and I’m resolved to carry this lesson
with me wherever I go today
I’m empowered as a result of this
ongoing decision and I invite you to
join me so I offer this advice from
Hannah
forgiveness is the key to action and
freedom if you are stuck holding a
grudge against a friend a co-worker a
peer or family member
think about the importance and positive
qualities of that person and decide if
that grudge is worth the extra stress
and energy I don’t know each of your
stories or the hurt that someone has
caused you but I do know how good it
feels to just let go and be free thank
you [Applause]
father were getting ready for work they
had two beautiful daughters and
successful jobs in New York City their
one-year-old was sick and the nanny was
running late so the parents flipped a
coin to see who would stay home and who
would go to work my dad lost that
flipped coin and it turns out that my
cold saved his life
if my dad a first responder and an
electrician had won the coin toss he
would have been called into work but he
stayed home with me it was September
11th and he worked in the World Trade
Center or two of the four planes crashed
that morning his entire crew perished
that day if the nanny were not late if I
were not sick or if the simple luck of a
flip coin did not occur I would have no
dad now imagine Christmas Eve in New
York City 15 years after 9/11 I am no
longer talking to my father who 15 years
earlier just narrowly missed death we
were killing time before our dinner
reservations and everything seemed
normal especially my dad but that all
changed unexpectedly when he told us he
had prostate cancer I didn’t say
anything and had no empathy for him
because at this point in my life I
simply did not care I already felt like
I didn’t have a father so the fact that
he could eventually pass away from this
did not faze me
he’s been constantly sick with post 9/11
illness so it was not new to me and I
did not care you’re all probably
thinking what is wrong with you your dad
has cancer well guess what I really did
not care what happened to him and I had
not since I was 10 today however if the
same situation happened I would have
been a complete wreck because I learned
how to forgive forgiveness is gaining
compassion for those who have wronged us
letting go of the past and moving on can
be a difficult task but it brings peace
to the soul and builds character so
today I’m incredibly happy to be sharing
my story with you and the lessons I have
learned about forgiveness so let me fill
you in as to why I was no longer talking
to my dad after he was a first responder
he became extremely sick with post 9/11
illness and 99% disabled from the debris
at ground
the site where the first responders were
saving the victims and pulling dead
bodies from the ruins I can never
imagine being a part of something so
heroic and devastating at the same time
years later when we moved out of the
city and I was seven living on a 155
acre lumber farm in upstate New York I
felt like I had a perfect life filled
with family friends and loved I was so
fortunate to be going to private school
living in a big house with lots of land
to run around own a goldfish shaped pool
and lots of dogs and cats running around
with me I was happy and I thought my
family was happy however for years my
mother and father tried to hide from me
and my older sister how much he was
struggling with his health and his
marriage my father retired and my mother
did not work so money started to become
an issue of course I had no knowledge of
any of this I remember the day I started
to hold a grudge against my father
in March of 2008 I walked downstairs to
screaming and crying I remember facing
the kitchen standing by the couch where
my parents stood fighting not even
noticing our presence it was the most
horrific sight to see as an
eight-year-old I was confused and scared
of my father my sister who was 12 at the
time would scream stop fighting but
nothing worked my father through my
mother’s keys in our direction and left
without saying anything that was the
last I saw of him until 2010 for my
birthday it was really scary seeing him
after that all of that I did not talk to
him I did not even look at him
my mother eventually became a different
woman from all of a sudden changes in
her life it was not what she wanted or
planned for obviously but not being
prepared for these changes cause stress
and panic I hated seeing her like that
it was eventually hate that I felt for
my dad because I blamed him for all of
our problems my sister and I having to
go to public school in Syracuse New York
living in a one bathroom house with
three girls on a busy street then my mom
struggling to find a job for years on
the edge of being broke and this gap he
created at our family our lifestyle was
completely up
ended and it was his fault because from
my point of view we went from an almost
perfect ideal life to what felt like
nothing in 2011 while my parents divorce
was being finalized I was ordered by the
court to see my dad once a month until I
was 16 but every month I never wanted to
go this cycle of seeing my dad once a
month not talking to him when we weren’t
together and that his comfort I felt
whenever his name was mentioned only
reinforced my resentment I resisted
kicking and screaming until I was 16
just to get into his car being in the
city was not enjoyable anymore
I would feel sorry for myself and sit in
his small apartment on one visit he had
a complete breakdown driving my sister
and me from a medical appointment he had
he pulled the car over and started to
cry and apologize he knew his actions
and habits were affecting us negatively
mostly because we let him know it he
felt remorse for what he had done in his
life and how it affected us I wanted to
cry and say that everything was okay but
I didn’t I forced myself to say nothing
I forced myself to feel nothing my
sister stopped seeing my dad once a
months and she headed off to boarding
school in North Carolina when I was 13
and I had to go visit him alone when my
sister was there I had someone but I
didn’t anymore
my father was often irritable and still
recovering it took energy to ignore
complain and fight with him when my
friends would ask about my dad I would
say I basically don’t have one I would
go days and days without thinking about
him talking to him and forgetting he
even existed but today as we listen to
the twists and turns of our lives
I’m incredibly happy to say that I no
longer hold this grudge that I had since
I could remember holding a grudge is
like drinking poison and waiting for the
other person to die this quote was first
presented to me by my teacher and I knew
it was perfect for my talk you see when
I was at my lowest the person I least
expected was there for me with no
judgment he told me he was going to help
me from that point I expressed to him
how unhappy I was in Syracuse with my
mom and at my school
without hesitation he found st. Andrews
and North Broward prep to boarding
schools in South Florida I could attend
my senior year after visiting I was all
for it
I mean compared South Florida whether to
upstate New York whether I was obviously
done for it but mostly I wanted to do
over my father was the one who gave me
the opportunity and I will forever be
thankful from that point on I slowly
started to let go of the grudge as he
became a steady presence in my life
since the first time I could remember it
was very much like a weight being lifted
off my shoulder when I was finally able
to let go and forgive during the time my
dad was there for me because I was the
one drinking the poison all along I
thought what is the point anymore
I was in pain from all the time and
energy focused on hating him which
affected me more than it did him I
realized by changing my attitude and
appreciating his role in my life were
the two key things I had to work on I
used to think that it was him that both
he and the past had to change for him to
ever earn my forgiveness but I was wrong
so paradoxically it was my father who
taught me the importance of forgiveness
as he was the one person I told myself I
would never forgive this year I spent
every weekend in February with him
traveling to different cities sharing a
hotel room a few years ago if I had to
spend even one weekend with him I would
have thought it would be the end of the
world surprisingly it was some of the
most fun and memorable moments I may
have with my dad as a teenager our
relationship today is only becoming
stronger each time we are together since
I have awakened to this new power of
forgiveness
especially for those closest to us I’m
upset about all the times I missed out
on because I was holding a grudge
against my father I’m also beginning to
understand that forgiveness all around
is the best medicine and therefore I am
forgiving myself for holding a grudge
and I’m resolved to carry this lesson
with me wherever I go today
I’m empowered as a result of this
ongoing decision and I invite you to
join me so I offer this advice from
Hannah
forgiveness is the key to action and
freedom if you are stuck holding a
grudge against a friend a co-worker a
peer or family member
think about the importance and positive
qualities of that person and decide if
that grudge is worth the extra stress
and energy I don’t know each of your
stories or the hurt that someone has
caused you but I do know how good it
feels to just let go and be free thank
you [Applause]
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