[Music]
this story begins with a forgotten
birthday it collides with that Tom Waits
song and then like all good TED talks
I’m going to show you my tattoo The
Forgotten birthday was my birthday not
the day and date but well here’s how it
happened my wife Chris and I were
talking about celebrating birthdays and
she made the comment this is gonna be a
big birthday for you and then she named
the number and I thought yeah that’s not
my birthday so she said as happens well
you do know you do still remember your
birthdate right do the math and I turned
out she was right I was that old and at
that moment I began to hear a clock
ticking in the back of my head and it
was not counting up anymore it was
counting down and about that time I
discovered the songwriter singer
philosopher Tom Waits and I was binging
through his song list and I discovered
this song last leaf’ that was my intro
music the chorus says I’m the last leaf
on the tree the autumn took the rest but
they won’t take me I’m the last leaf on
the tree one of the verses when the
autumn wind blows they’re already gone
they flutter to the ground because they
can’t hang on there’s nothing in the
world that I ain’t seen I greet all the
new ones as they come in green and four
ways I really can’t explain to you that
became an anthem to me in this time this
idea that I’m going to make my life as
turns out in the last half of my life
important valuable I’m gonna work really
hard to make sure that everything that I
do has great meaning but I knew I
couldn’t play that song every day every
meeting every moment and so I knew I had
to mark that in some way and so of
course I got a tattoo I put a leaf on my
arm
as I I thought every morning in the
shower I’m going to remember that this
day is so important this is the day I I
have to pack everything in and I have to
make sure that I have significant
meaning in this day and that works so
well for about six months and then it
just became something that was part of
me I realized that I I wasn’t living my
life developing the impact developing
the relationships developing a momentum
that I really wanted to have as I lived
my life annie Dillard has this quote how
we spend our days is how we spend our
lives and I’m startled by the fact that
I usually live my life in a way that I’m
not thinking about stacking up all of
those days to make my life I’m just
getting through that day maybe you’re
the same way
Will Durant says we are what we
repeatedly do excellence is not an act
but a habit I’ve usually focused on the
last half of that quote but the first
part is what grabs me and it is it is
something that clutches my spirit we are
what we repeatedly do think about that
you are what you repeatedly do I don’t
know about you I have a book in me maybe
two books I have relationships I need to
but if Will Durant is right and annie
Dillard is right it is not about what I
think I want to do it is about what I do
day after day after day after day so
what about you
they’re booking you for a video in you
is there a YouTube channel in you is
there a comic book in you the only way
those will happen for any of us is if we
decide we’re gonna live each day that
way and I I have to tell you this world
our culture is almost designed to
distract us now I have to say I work in
marketing and advertising I actually
have blessed to have two companies that
produce messaging and so it’s not about
any of that being bad it is about how I
control my life and how more importantly
how you control your life in 2016
Americans spent 10 plus hours every day
with their TVs DVR smartphones video
games tablets if you want to be the best
video game where in the world do that I
am NOT being critical of that I’m just
recognizing that many of us may not want
that to be the meaning in our lives
I don’t want it to be the meaning in my
life I received a Playstation 4 for
Christmas from my kids a few years ago I
gotta tell you the guys that design that
stuff know what they’re doing because
your just sucks you in and I I’m at the
age where I’m not as good the twitch is
I used to be and so I can’t even Nick
sell it that day which makes you work at
it harder of that 10 plus hours
Americans spent five hours look at that
a day on television DVRs DVDs no knock
on that but that’s a part-time job is
Americans
receive exposed to 5000 marketing
messages a day I’m not responsible for
that many of those I just want to say
and there’s nothing inherently wrong
with that that’s the view of logos
that’s the view of all of cups that’s
the view of ads that’s all of those
things so none of that is inherently bad
there’s nothing inherently wrong with
that
the difficulty is you get distracted by
that and you lose the chance to be what
I believe you may have been made to be
and to do an epiphany is a moment where
you see or understand clearly I believe
you want to have an epiphany every day
because your life is too valuable too
important to not decide every day what
this day is going to be about this day
is going to move me forward and all the
things I want to do this day I’m gonna
deepen relationships this day
I want to say to you you should manage
you were meaning and what I mean by that
is that you should spend time every day
thinking about I want to have some
vision of what my life means and today
I’m going to be contributing to that in
some significant way because what I
believe is each of us is vitally
important in each of us has something to
contribute to this community to our
families to our friends to our companies
to the culture and if we’re not spending
time every day saying what am i doing
how I’m moving the ball forward in these
important areas of my life I am NOT
doing what I need to do so first thing I
want to say to you is you have to learn
the skill of pressing pause not an easy
skill to have it’s much easier to go
fast-forward it’s much easier to skip
past the commercials it’s much easier
do a variety of things than it is to
press pause they’ve done some studies
and they’re fascinating about the fact
that our brains when we have are
encountering silence and absence of
input our brains react differently than
if we’re receiving input that is noise
music now I have become an advocate a
fan a consumer of silence I beloved
would tell me tell you that I am an
introvert also and so silence is easier
for me and that can be true but I am
also have a come to understand how
silence restores my brain think about
your life how much silence do you take
in every day how much time do you spend
just pressing pause and saying I’m gonna
be silent part of having silence in your
life is you have to have a ritual that’s
not a religious practice that’s
something you do in the same order close
to the same time the same way a ritual
ritual anchors more importantly it
fights for your intention it says to
yourself into the world I’m gonna do
this more importantly if you make it a
streak and you keep track of how many
days in a row or how many weeks in a row
you’ve done this ritual it becomes a
beast that will take care of you my
ritual looks like this I spend time in
silence almost every day I get up early
in the morning because that’s when my
house is quiet I can hear our Corgi
snoring and sometimes the cat isn’t
roaming around but it is quiet my cell
phone does not buzz that early and then
I spend time looking back what was
yesterday like how did I do well how did
did I honor the expectations I had did I
do the commitments I made I review it
and then I look ahead what is today
going to be like we’re the places that I
know I’m gonna have trouble making sure
I stay on track I use a couple of
different things there’s the tools are
not important the use of the intention
is I use a little app called day one
that just lets me see what I did
yesterday and what I did that that day a
year ago two years ago three years ago
it’s fascinating what I forget I use a
little meditation app called 10% happier
I love the subtitle it’s meditation for
fidgety skeptics it’s me when I begin
meditating I I had to set two alarms
because I would sit in silence and I
would be sure 20 minutes had elapsed not
the four minutes that I had started and
so I would look at my app and it was at
a minute 37 not 20 and think okay so I
would set two alarms one halfway in and
one at the end so that I wouldn’t worry
that my alarm hasn’t missed out or I
hadn’t missed it somehow God and gone to
sleep and practicing mindfulness
meditation it changed my world and my
life in such a way that I began to be
able to focus in ways I hadn’t been able
to focus I began to feel a stillness
that was really important for me I do
another tool that’s paper a ruler and a
pen the left side of my notebook I’d
make a draw two lines making making four
squares the upper left I write the word
mental then I write physical then I
write spiritual then I write social
emotional and then I spend some time
thinking about the previous day mental
because of the Forgotten birthday and
because I’m at that age where I seem to
lose my keys almost every day I’ve been
kind of worried them losing my mind so I
literally will write down did I say
something wrong did I forget something
that turns out I’m not losing my mind as
much as I thought I was I may still be
losing it a little bit but it doesn’t
seem to be acute and I spend time
thinking about what am i learning what
am i curious about and I just write it
in that square on the physical side I
write down the what I’m doing physically
did I overeat did I over drink did I
workout did I rest I just write down a
night off have come to write down what’s
hurting and what’s aching the spiritual
side I write what I’m thinking about
spiritually part of my spiritual life
what I’m praying about then social
emotional I write down how were my
interactions socially what were my
emotion this is where I write anxiety
was worse than it was worried about this
TED thing my anxieties are rising I
write down what am I worried about and I
write down the significant relationships
I had so the question you should be
asking is does any of this make a
difference so mentally I’m less
convinced I’m losing my mind you may
have a different view but I’m less
convinced I’m losing my mind
and I know I’m on track with what I’m
trying to learn what I’m thinking about
physical part I’m running Spartan races
I’m in good shape and I know when I
overeat over drink or don’t take care of
myself because I review it spiritually
this mindfulness meditation this silence
has allowed me to have what I am
pursuing in my life spiritually
social-emotional here’s the story the
most important person in my world is my
wife some time ago she told me I
I didn’t have enough words for her and
as an introvert I get that right I mean
more depression but now I track did I
have enough words and I focus on the
relationships did I spend enough time in
a relationship and content in contact
with people and did I really focus on
what I was doing my question to you is
this is your life worth having an
epiphany every day I think it is I
encourage you to manage your meaning in
your life [Applause]