today’s focus is on how to eliminate
self-sabotage you know when I talk to
people about succeeding in their lives
really making their goals and dreams a
reality
invariably they say you know I really go
for it but just somehow managed to screw
things up for myself just what I’m about
to really make things happen all of a
sudden whammo I don’t show up for a key
meeting or I say the wrong thing or I
treat somebody mean or I just don’t
follow through and I don’t understand it
I don’t know why I keep sabotaging
myself in this way hey sabotage only
comes for one reason and we said this
over and over again and we’re gonna keep
saying it because it is the foundation
to understanding human behavior if
you’re sabotaging yourself it means
you’re stopping yourself from following
through right why would you do that take
a wild guess because you associate more
pain to following through you’re
sabotaging yourself as a way of stopping
yourself from doing something you think
on some level is gonna create a lot of
pain in your life now some people think
succeeding is gonna create pain it’s
gonna make sure they feel alone or
separate from other people remember
we’ve talked about this so as they start
to get close to succeeding wham-o they
sabotage why cuz their brain notices but
hey the more I succeed people around me
don’t seem to get too jazzed about it
when I fail they call c’mere gosh let me
talk to you how’s it going but when they
succeed to go yeah easy for you buddy
well well that kind of conditioning no
wonder people sabotage we’ve got to take
control back in a way we take control
back again as we’ve done over the last
two tapes of conditioning ourselves is
to change our associations to the thing
that we’re sabotaging now let me bring
up another point that I think is equally
maybe even more important that is this a
lot of us jump to conclusions about
sabotage and a lot of people say well
gosh you know I just keep sabotaging my
success and when I say to them as are
you sabotaging your success or are you
just doing stupid things what I mean by
that is not everything you do that takes
away from your possibility of succeeding
as a result of self sabotage sometimes
you just make poor decisions and you
don’t want to start making up in your
head that there’s this giant pattern
dominating
your life and a lot of people do that
for example this woman in a seminar
recently stood up and she said well gosh
I just sabotage myself all the time I
said well what do you mean she said well
you know like the other day she said I
was late for work for the second time I
said well what does that mean she goes
well I was late and that screws things
up I must be sabotaging myself I said
well maybe it just got caught up and
what you were doing she goes no I think
I sabotage myself I said well why else
she said well because not only was I
late but also I forgot some of my things
at home so I wasn’t just late I left my
books at home so I couldn’t have conduct
the appropriate meeting I know are
sabotaging I said well how often does
this happen she goes well I don’t know
maybe once or twice a month
I said well maybe ma’am you’re not self
sabotaging maybe you’re just not paying
attention I mean so be careful about
generating this as a generalization in
your mind does that make sense don’t get
caught up and creating a belief system
well maybe something’s not there on the
other hand if you do have a pattern
realize that any pattern you have
including self sabotage still comes back
to one thing human beings no matter what
we’re doing including sabotaging
ourselves we do it for a positive intent
I want you to get that anything we do we
do for a positive intent for example if
you smoke cigarettes you’re not doing it
to try and create cancer in your body
and destroy yourself that’s not the
intent the intent is your brain long ago
linked up hey if I’m bored or if I’m
frustrated or if I’m feeling some kind
of pain of some sort that this is a way
to distract myself this is literally a
way to get rid of the pain and create
some pleasure that’s what your brain is
learn to do so the intent of smoking is
not to try and sabotage you to sabotage
the physical sabotage that obviously
cigarettes create for us is not about
creating sabotage it’s about creating
pleasure and avoiding pain you follow me
we do the same thing with alcohol we do
the same thing if you use drugs you do
the same thing if you watch TV too much
you do the same thing if you don’t show
up for meetings there is always a
positive intent your brain is trying to
do something that’s good for you in the
form of avoiding pain and getting
pleasure so what’s the challenge well
the challenge is in our lives we many
times sabotage ourselves because we’ve
got this approach avoidance
you’ve heard me talk about so much in
these tapes where we have mixed neural
associations where we sabotage a
relationship why because on the one side
remember we’ve linked pleasured if I get
a relationship that’s gonna be so great
others personal loves me and I can be
with this person and we can share so
much of life together and yet on the
other hand we’ve had experiences where
it’s meant pain and so our brain fries
we start to go in the relationship it
seems good and then all of a sudden our
brain goes oh oh but how am I in pain
and also we get these mixed sensations
or a brain doesn’t know is it gonna mean
pain or is it gonna be pleasure when our
brain doesn’t know it stops everything
it tries to stop the process of progress
does that make sense
I give you a classic example I was
reading in a book of an example of how
our associations can drive us crazy and
what it talked about was an experiment
that was done with rhesus monkeys where
they put them in a special cage and what
they did is in the cage they put red
yellow and green squares well after
several days the experimenter set it up
so that the red squares in the cage gave
off intermittent shocks that will cause
the monkey immediate pain well you can
imagine the monkey became pretty anxious
and pretty soon and learned to avoid the
red squares in almost any cost
well next the experiment had caused the
red and the yellow squares to give off
intermittent shocks and the monkey began
to act as if he was a manic-depressive
why because no matter worried when he
seemed to get pain no matter what he
tried he tried we thought would work
tried what he didn’t work he’s got pain
he started alternate between hyper
anxiety and depression and withdrawal
the monkey soon learned to avoid the red
and the yellow squares and then all the
squares were electrified well the little
monkey began to bite itself to beat its
head against the bars to defecate on
itself you might say a little monkey
been driven crazy now that’s a horrible
example and I have absolute contempt for
that kind of abuse of animals or people
but what I also want to point out is
that this is exactly what some people do
to each other this is exactly what some
people do in their own head some people
create this experimental cage in their
brain where they literally begin to link
pain to everything in life we are the
ones that create the connections that
were the ones that establish the shocks
because no matter what happens in your
life what you associate
is your choice and at least after this
program it is you don’t have to be at
the effect if you notice that you’ve
begun to wire to relationships a red
square called pain you can get rid of it
because you can know that that is a
generalization not all relationships
equal pain and so you’ve got to
eliminate those negative associations
otherwise you create your own
experimental box and you pay the
ultimate price that never needs to
happen to you you have the skills in
this program and if you’re not sure
about them listen to a tape again and
apply them you can take those
experiences that were painful and use
the eraser technique and destroy it so
you don’t ever associate pain again to a
relationship maybe you can even get it
worth somewhat humorous or you’ve at
least learned something or you can ask
yourself better questions and say okay I
may have felt painful then but that was
only one relationship and what did I
learn so I won’t have pain in the future
if not all red squares are painful if
that one was and what can I learn from
it so the next red square is pleasurable
or so I can rewire the red square so it
supports me I just finished doing a date
with destiny seminar this last weekend
before I did this taping with you and
the interesting thing happened as a man
walked up to me and he said Mr Robin
zone I think I should tell you before we
begin that I’m into self-sabotage I said
oh really it sounds pretty exciting what
what am i doing I just interrupted his
pattern a little bit start to break it
up he said well no I’m serious
I said well I can see you’re very
serious I said what do you mean he said
well for the last few years I’ve been
working very hard at getting out of my
body I said getting out of your body he
said yes I said what do you mean he said
well in the last six months
I’ve been in three car accidents I said
well that’s pretty amazing he’s sitting
you know what else I said what he said
I’ve been to the hospital four or five
times for fainting spells I’ve also
fallen off a ladder I also fell when I
was exercising I said well I said how do
you know that that means you’re trying
to get out of your body I said I don’t
agree he said what do you mean
I said listen if you want to get out of
your body you would have pulled that off
a long time ago I mean that’s pretty
easy I mean all you need is a good gun
or you know nice nice big knife I mean
you could do it quickly I mean if you
really were committed to getting out of
your body you had done that a long time
ago obviously this self-sabotage you’re
talking about
a positive intent what is it you’re
trying to get out of this behavior he
said well I don’t know I said well if
you didn’t know he said I don’t know I
guess maybe I just want to know that
people love me I said hmm interesting he
said god I never even realized that till
just now I said see people on savage
that you know trying to kill yourself
that’s absurd the bottom line is you
want to feel loved and I bet just like
the example I talked about with you
earlier in these tapes would jackknife
when we talked about that guy who
slammed his hand through the glass and
was bleeding and the woman who was
rejecting him all sudden is making love
to him I said a long time ago I told him
that story and I said you know a long
time ago
you obviously linked up that if you get
yourself hurt and get in the hospital
especially you got these people to come
and tell you how much they love you and
be with you and be worried about you but
I’m gonna tell you something that isn’t
love that’s obligation he looked at me
kind of funny I said that’s what it is
it’s obligation it’s pain they don’t
want to come see you they feel like they
have to and they’re guilty I said
they’re not giving you love in fact a
lot of those people probably hate you
because they do that well you talk about
interrupting his pattern he started to
defocus his eyes started looking inside
what am i doing I’m getting him to link
what pain to his present pattern so his
brain will want to change it I said
listen if you want love there are much
better ways and you’re much more
intelligent person this you don’t have
to sabotage him this way you could get
it just by you know the best way to get
love give it sleep be loving to people
give them so much love that they have to
give you love back I said there’s a long
life it’s called reciprocation what you
put out people feel like they got to
give it back I said some people stay in
relationships with people that they like
but don’t love and the reason is they
feel stuck cuz the other person who
loves them so much that they just oh
they can’t get out they give love back I
said listen if you really want love
start pouring it out so deeply and so
powerfully to so many people it’ll come
back tenfold and he looked around I said
and if you do that you have no pain and
you have lots of pleasure you do the
other one you keep breaking body parts
people come they’re obligated they think
God would have snuck how many more times
is he gonna get in a car accident was he
stupid but they wouldn’t say that to
your face I did this over and over again
until I conditioned him to link a new
pattern
I said to him as well look if you were
expressing love while you’re expressing
it what are you feeling I said love I
saw that’s interesting so you mean you
could get what you want the minute you
give it his brain went wow what a
concept
here’s a whole new way now well this
will help him to change his whole life
well he believes it will we’ll know in
six months if he hasn’t had too many
more accidents the pot of my unless he’s
just like blind or something and that’s
part of the problem the point is this
any pattern of self-sabotage comes out
of a positive intent do you hear me on
this we’re always trying to get
something that’s good for us even people
that commit suicide do it for a positive
intent in their brains mind their brain
says hey suicide being dead would be
less painful than being alive which I
have a hard time personally believing
but in the moment people who believe
that commit suicide most people never
commit suicide because killing
themselves is just too painful so what
do they do they just beat themselves up
a lot you don’t need to do either one
you can free yourself from self-sabotage
right now by knowing from this day
forward that if you ever start to
sabotage yourself 1 don’t jump to
conclusions and assume that because
you’ve done something a few times and it
didn’t work out the last minute you
screwed something up that it’s this
Specter called self-sabotage that’s
coming to find you
try another approach maybe it’s you’re
just not paying attention maybe you’re
not focusing maybe it’s got some poor
habits you know it may not be a
self-sabotage pattern so don’t jump to
that conclusion for just bad habits
refocus and decide what you do want to
accomplish and to if it clearly is a
pattern where you are subconsciously
sabotaging yourself screwing things up
hey get excited don’t get upset say hey
look my brain is doing what it does best
it thinks it’s keeping me out of pain
and give me some pleasure but I just got
to teach my brain a better pattern
that’s all so what’s the intent and
that’s how you eliminate self-sabotage
so let’s go to the steps real quickly 1
identify a behavior that’s keeping you
from getting your goals something that’s
stopping you were holding you back first
you got identified that’s step number 1
– once you’ve identified it ask yourself
what is the positive intent here what is
my
trying to give me so for example if you
know you’re about to go up to somebody
and ask him for a date and then all of a
sudden you shut down and you can’t even
talk what’s the positive intent well my
guess would be that your brain is trying
to protect you from being rejected it’s
saying well if he doesn’t say anything
can’t be rejected rejection is pain I
don’t want pain does that make sense so
that’s why you can’t think in that
moment but see you got to teach your
brain otherwise you got to go in once
you find out that what the positive
intent is you go well it’s trying to
protect me from rejection then you go to
step 3
get some leverage on yourself so that
you can make the change you know how to
do that we’ve done it over and over
again that is teach your brain that hey
if I don’t change this thing I know
you’re trying to help me out of your
brain I know you’re trying to keep me
from the pain of rejection but by me not
going up and expressing how much I’m
attracted it’s costing me relationships
that could give me a lot more pleasure
it’s a little bitty pain but not being a
relationship is big vain
I gotta explain this to your brain you
gotta have a little conversation in your
head the way to do it is on paper sit
down and write down all the pain you’re
gonna get if you don’t change this
pattern and all the pleasures you’ll get
by making the pattern work real simple
step 4
interrupt the pattern and there are lots
of ways to do that we’ve talked about
many the simplest one that we’ve used in
the last day or two of course is the
eraser technique so how do we use it
well see yourself beginning to go into a
situation where you’re sabotaging
yourself in other words see yourself
start to approach let’s say an
attractive person and you you see
yourself start to choke up only this
time watch it happen in scramblin be
outraged it’s the key to interrupting a
pattern is to do something your brain
would never ever expect and you look
rapidly over and over and over and over
again what that does is totally fry the
old pattern that used to stop you and of
course step 5 in is install a new
pattern condition yourself to have new
feelings what do you do
see yourself over and over going up and
making the connection with this person
and feeling the pleasure that comes from
that so you clearly teach your brain
pain comes from not doing it pleasure
comes from doing it and that old pattern
I can’t run anymore I’ve forgotten what
the heck it is I’ve scrambled my brain
simple humorous basic way to change and
eliminate self-sabotage something you
can easily do I want to make one of the
point and that is some of the most
successful people have
patterns of self-sabotage so remember if
you find yourself doing something that
doesn’t seem to be supporting you in the
long term remember at some level your
brain thinks it’s supporting you at
least in the short term that’s why it’s
doing it don’t feel bad about it no girl
gosh Here I am this failure some of
those successful people that I’ve
interviewed and worked with have had
self-sabotage it’s just a pattern when
once in a while getting you can just
change it now it’s very easy so here’s
your assignment pull out your success
journal and before you turn the tape
over just identify do you have a place
in your life where you have a tendency
and by the way that’s all this
self-sabotage stuff is we don’t want to
make it into a thing it’s not a thing
it’s just a tendency it’s just a pattern
that once in a while you run so is there
a place in your life where you have a
tendency to start to sabotage things
when it gets to good for example
relationship gets to a certain level and
your brain goes uh-oh if I get too
connected if I love this person too much
what if they leave me oh my gosh then I
have pain so I better sabotage it first
you understand the kind of thing I’m
talking about here so identify if
there’s a tendency someplace that’s
number one to don’t feel bad about it
instead feel good get excited say my
brain is awesome
my brain here is doing a good job of
what it believes it needs to do to help
me to avoid pain and gain pleasure so
feel good about your brain it means it’s
doing its job 3 get some leverage though
to make a change get your brain to
associate and teach your brain by
writing down here’s all the things I
miss out on because of this tendency and
really get your brain to see that
there’s major pain in sabotaging and
make sure your brain also says make a
list that here’s all the pleasure I get
by making a change so your brain has got
both the stick and the carrot
it’s got leverage to want to make the
shift for then what you need to do is
now simply interrupt the pattern and the
interrupted pattern the resilient ways
to do it again but use the erase your
technique us since we that’s what we’ve
been using for the last two days real
simple process think about the sabotage
you’ve done and make humourous run those
kinds of scenarios over in your head and
turn them into cartoons back and forth
back and forth back and forth until when
your brain thinks of it it kind of
laughs and sees that this is ridiculous
where it doesn’t run the pattern in the
same way anymore
and finally 5 rehearse achieving the
result you want without the
self-sabotage in other words rehearse
achieving the success you want and make
sure you feel the pleasure of succeeding
and
it over and over again till your brain
links hey this really works this is
really gonna last this is something that
I really want my life and the
self-sabotage pattern or tendency will
disappear so do this and we’ll talk
about how to create unstoppable
self-confidence creating unstoppable
self-confidence self-confidence it’s
something people talk about all the time
when they say why they’re not succeeding
over and over I hear people say I just
don’t have enough confidence this isn’t
confidence is not something you have
it’s something you create and you can
create it in any moment in time a sense
of confidence is nothing but a sense of
power within yourself a sense of
certainty that you can pull something
off and you can create that feeling
literally in a moment it’s not something
that you live with there is no one that
I’ve ever met but no matter what
situation they’re in is always confident
everybody gets knocked off kilter at
times the key is can you turn the
confidence on when you need it so you
can get the most out of yourself does
that make sense so far so you’ve got to
remember that feeling confident is
nothing but a state of mind and you can
change and create any state you want at
any moment in time no matter what’s
going on around you let me give you some
specific examples there are three
primary ways that you can create
self-confidence at any moment in time to
get the most out of yourself and produce
the results you really want approach
number one you’re familiar with it’s
called physiology you’ve got to remember
that any feeling you’ve ever had in your
body whether it be fear anxiety concern
depression frustration or ecstasy power
unstoppable ‘ti confidence success those
emotions any emotion you feel comes from
the way you use your physical body the
only way you can feel anything is by the
way you move the way you breathe your
facial expressions so if you’re not
feeling confident you don’t have to
intellectually try and pump yourself up
because it doesn’t always work
I’m sure you’ve tried at times to go
well I need to be confident I know I
should be confident but you’re still not
there let me tell you the quickest way
to get confident is to change your
physiology radically listen in our
seminars around the country those
unleash the power within programs we
take people
a first evening we call fear into power
and it’s an experience where we get you
to change your conditioning and feel
totally confident in an area you’d
normally you’re totally afraid of so at
the broadcast site we use a fire walk
experience where everyone walks across
the fire between 1,200 and 2,000 degrees
burning hot coals and in the theaters we
have people actually learn how to break
through wood karate style and they do in
about 15 minutes and it requires not
only confidence as you might guess but
competence to do something that most
people take two or three years to learn
how to do in a few minutes now the
purpose of this is to get people in a
state of being totally strong a
confident even though they were totally
afraid lacking confidence only moments
before let me tell you something to get
yourself across a bed of burning hot
coals or to smash through some wood even
though you might be tiny and small but
what is much bigger than you’ve ever
done before
I got to tell you something to do that
you got to make a major change in your
state major now let me tell you we do
that the number one way we do this is we
get people to move their bodies or the
level of intensity and power that they
probably never experienced before
remember earlier in these tapes I said
to you that emotion is created by motion
the way you move your body physically
the way you breathed your facial
expressions instantly affects your
emotional state the way you feel and the
way you think so if you need confidence
you must move in a confident way you
must literally put yourself at level 10
or above you remember those
conversations so what I do with people
is literally I’ll take somebody who
comes up to the fire and they go oh gosh
I really don’t think I could do this and
I say and I couldn’t do it either if I
talked like you right now stand up
breathe strong take a huge deep breath
in blow it out hard what I want you to
say the word yes and then go use I said
no no say yes and I haven’t yelling I go
yes
say it again yes and pretty soon they
feel incredibly strong and I say walk
and I go okay and it’s like instantly a
moment ago they were totally afraid now
they are the confidence to do it the
only difference was changing their state
of mind and emotion by changing the way
they’re using their body but I do it
radically major explosive changes in
other words if I was gonna make a
gesture I wouldn’t just like reach my
hand out toward you I’d snap it out
there that’s the kind of state of
confidence I’m talking about are you
following me
in other words you’ve got to move
deliberately as if you are absolutely
totally in control you know you can
create any result you want if you meet
someone who’s confident you know it
before they open their mouth don’t you
can’t you tell by the way they move by
the way they speak listen what if one
you turn these tapes on nice I said well
I want to thank you for listening
I’m Tony Robbins and I want to share
with you over the next 30 days how you
could have well you know absolute total
self confidence you can go get rid of
this guy what am i doing what’s going on
here who is this guy see on drugs what’s
the deal see the bottom line is I
communicate rapidly because I’m
confident is that I’m competent know
confident that’s what I’m talking about
hopefully I’m competent too but the
bottom line is I’m just letting it go
out of that state of confidence though
ideas pop up this whole set of tapes
have been designed to help you get
results without limits I didn’t sit here
and say okay no I’m going to say this
and it’ll say that I’m gonna put it in
this order I want you and I have a
relationship that moves you this whole
set of programs comes from my ability to
say I’m confident I know I can reach
this person if I didn’t believe that you
and I couldn’t have this conversation
right now but sometimes I don’t feel
confident sometimes I don’t feel like I
know what I’m gonna say next have you
ever been there what I do at that time
is act as if I know what I’m doing which
is a useful approach now you might say
well you’re teaching people to be
confident but not competent I Got News
for you if you’re confident enough you
can develop the competence but if you’re
competent and you don’t have confidence
you’ll never succeed
there are many competent people who
could accomplish incredible results but
they’re missing the confidence am I
suggesting to you to be foolhardy know
what I’m suggesting to you is learn how
to turn on the confidence rapidly use
enough of it to learn what you need to
know to be competent and effective and
produce the results but you’d be
surprised how much more you know then
you realize if you really get yourself
in the right state of mind does that
make sense
try it try moving your body
in a confident way back try it right now
please stand up again if you’re in the
car it’ll be a little bit more difficult
but oh no no don’t sit back down some of
you started to stand up and you’re sat
back now don’t do that I’m there I’m
watching I’m telling you stand up and
what I want you to do is just try
something stand the way you be standing
if you fell unstoppably confident
breathe the way be breathing if you felt
unstoppably confident really go for it
put the gun of expression on your face
like you’d have if you were unstoppably
confident and make some gestures
actually move your hands out with some
powers if you’re trying to make a point
with real power and what you know that
what you’re gonna say is gonna be
effective and just notice how that feels
say something say yes and the tone of
voice is somebody who is totally
confident don’t go use yes with some
power and just feel that feels in your
body get a sense of it turn on more
intensity than you would normally use
one another person just feel it in your
body so you feel what it’s like you want
to be able to turn it on just by turning
your body on this is critical with this
is a power you can go from being afraid
to strong in a matter of moments now try
something really stupid and silly while
you’re standing there I’d like you to
walk around your room and the way I’d
like you to do that is I want you to
imagine there’s a cape shooting off the
back of your back I’m gonna have this
call we call this a cape walk now if
nothing else has felt stupid up until
now this one is guaranteed to assist you
in this process what I want you to do is
stand up pretend there’s a cape back
there
shoulders are back and I want you to
walk around just walk around a circle
but like you got this cape flowing back
there with a sense of pride and power
Nega I’m not gonna do this listen only
those who are truly secure can
participate in this exercise go for it
try and come on walk around and just
notice it it feels like seriously walk
around and knows how it feels to have a
cape on your back and from that state
even though it seems humorous try it
right now why are you listening to me
walk around and feel that feels like
there’s cape flowing off your back there
and notice what happens in terms of your
confidence even though you may be
laughing do you feel a little stronger
are you more upright you feel more alive
just know this you can sit back down now
don’t sit on your cape
bottom line is this if you are making
gestures with certainty if you’re moving
with certainty with some
acceleration with some power if you
speak with that kind of tempo you will
feel confident no matter how you’re
feeling a few moments ago if you want to
feel like you have a lack of confidence
move not only slowly because slowly
could still be confident move slowly
let’s move with hesitation speak with
hesitation and within a short period of
time you can cause yourself to not only
feel bored with yourself but also to
actually feel like you can’t accomplish
anything in essence remember this using
your physical body effectively can put
you in a state of confidence no matter
what was happening around you no matter
how intense the situation no matter how
scary no matter how difficult you always
have that resource
don’t ever say to yourself again one of
the dudes break out of that Jail if you
don’t feel like you have confidence
create it right now it’s not a thing
that somebody gave you years ago it’s
not something you missed out on it’s
something you create by the way you
speak by the way you move by the way you
gesture that’s one here’s number two
control your mental focus remember what
you focus on is going to determine how
you feel so if you focus constantly on
how things might not work out and you
look at in your brain all the
possibilities of well what if this
doesn’t work or what if that doesn’t
happen if that’s your mental focus of
course you’re gonna lack confidence
remember we experience whatever we focus
on so if you’re focusing on how things
won’t work you’re gonna feel the pain
that you associate to that you’re gonna
create a tremendous amount of doubt and
then it usually becomes a
self-fulfilling prophecy you don’t get
what you want let me give you a kind of
a simple example I’d like you to try
something please listen and please do
this what I want you to do is think of
something you really want to have happen
in your future something like to have or
do or be and what I’d like you to do is
hope hope that you’ll get this to happen
in your life okay try it
think of something you really want in
your life something you really want to
have happen and I hope it’ll happen
notice how it feels when you hope it’ll
you may even notice what you say to
yourself and you’ll hope something will
now what I want you to do is get out of
that state completely get out let’s stay
for a second and now let’s have you
think about the same thing you want to
have happen in your life but this time I
want you to expect that it will happen
absolutely totally expect it know it
okay and when you know it’s gonna happen
I want you to notice what happens to the
pictures in your mind as you think about
it what’s different when you notice the
difference your body absolutely expect
it will happen you expect this will
occur you absolutely know it now I got a
question for you is there a difference
in how you feel in your body first of
all and I think you’ll find the answer
is yes in addition is there a difference
in even how you visualize these two
things in your mind
there are several distinctions that I
make usually when I ask people what the
difference is between they’re hoping and
they’re expecting invariably a number
one in distinction is people tell me
things like well I noticed that when I
was hoping that the picture was dim or
it was dark or was gray or as black and
white or or it was two pictures I saw
myself succeeding but I also saw the
possibility failing versus one I
expected I saw just one picture I saw it
happening interesting when you focus on
it just happening you feel confident
when you focus on it might happen or it
might not happen you don’t feel so
confident is that fair to say also when
people focus on things that they’re
expecting many times they put it in
color the other thing that commonly
comes up is people say things like well
when I was hoping I felt kind of passive
and when I was expecting I felt active I
felt like I needed to do something
interesting was that true for you the
reason is whatever we focus on we get so
if you’re focusing on two possibilities
your brain is getting different neural
associations it’s going could be painful
could be pleasurable your brain doesn’t
know what to do
it doesn’t feel confident but when you
expect and focus on one result you say
this is what it is I’m gonna accomplish
this I expect it immediately your level
self-confidence goes up and you feel
active immediately because your brain
says hey if I do this I can get some
pleasure in my life does that make sense
that’s the process we’re talking about
we must control our focus and one way to
do it of course is to control our focus
by controlling the questions we ask
ourselves invariably people who have a
lot of doubt
ask questions agreed they say things
like well could I really get this done I
wonder or god I wonder if this will get
screwed up too versus coming from the
place of saying how can I get this done
or better what’s the best way I can get
this done see when something comes up
for me if I want to be confident I don’t
say gosh do you think I can really pull
this off I ask myself what’s the best
way to get this done and enjoy the
process now by doing that listen to the
presupposition there the presupposition
is my mind’s gonna focus on how to get
it done I’m gonna start expecting it’s
gonna get done I’m gonna feel confident
first is saying will it work or will it
not in which case I start focusing on
two different possibilities and I lose
my confidence are you following me
good now third way that we can control
our focus is just to change our core
beliefs and we’ve already talked about
how to do this over and over again if
you walk around in life believing that
the only way you can feel confident is
if you’ve already accomplished something
you got a problem you’re limiting
yourself to the number of things you can
ever feel confident about and succeed in
other words some people say well how can
I be confident when I’ve never done it
before listen I feel confident all kinds
of things I’ve never done before you say
well that’s because you’re a screwed up
no that’s not why it is it’s because I
come from a belief system that says this
that if I can imagine it I can achieve
it so if I can even imagine it I know I
can achieve it and that allows me to be
confident plus I have a belief system
that says if I’m committed there’s
always a way to make it work and no
matter how tough the situation is if I
don’t know how to make it work somebody
else does and I can get their help so I
come from that place and that allows me
to be confident I know I can get help I
know if I’m committed there’s a way to
do it and I know that anything in the
past I’ve really been able to imagine
accomplishing and finding a role model
for I can’t accomplish hey listen
everything you do now you once weren’t
good at everything you do now there was
a time when you had not done it why wait
to get confident besides that I know I
can be confident about what I’m about to
begin because I know look if it doesn’t
work out I’ll learn something and that
makes me feel confident because that
learning will allow me to be better in
the future
in other words set yourself up to be
able to be confident again I’m not
suggesting be foolhardy I’m just telling
you how to turn confidence on when you
need it and most of time you do need it
so key question
a lot of people ask me as well how can I
create that level of belief I understand
I can change my body but how can I
create that belief so I wouldn’t have to
work at it well there’s a simple process
that I teach people I call it my success
cycle and it for me is my way of
explaining why people who succeed seem
to continue to succeed and get even
stronger and people who fail seem to go
down a downward spiral why do the rich
get richer and the poor get poorer
not just term in terms of rich or poor
financially but rich meaning mental
emotional social spiritual intellectual
physiological and financial I put a copy
of the drawing of my success cycle there
on your summary now if you take a look
at it you’ll see that there are four
elements that I think affect the quality
of our lives and I’ve got them
represented there by those four boxes up
on the top left-hand corner there you
should see the word potential what’s the
potential of any human being
I personally believe it absolutely is
unlimited none of us even come close to
scratching our real potential the second
element that affects human performance
is our actions up there in the Box in
the right hand corner the third element
that affects performance are the actual
results that we’ve gotten in other words
what’s the impact of our present actions
and potential being utilized and finally
the fourth element that affects
performance is our beliefs and you’ll
see that down in the left hand corner in
that box and you notice that all these
boxes have arrows that connect them and
they’re all pointing in a particular
direction going clockwise is if this was
a continuous cycle how does it work well
number one what’s the potential of any
human being again unlimited but do most
people’s results in life that bottom
right hand corner box do most people’s
results reflect that level of potential
I would say no way what’s the problem
you might say oh I see what is Tony it’s
that second box at the top they don’t
take enough what action I think that’s
true in many cases but that’s not the
only problem there are a lot of people
who go out there and take a lot of
action and still get lousy results why
action by itself is great but it is not
enough hey if you’re in sales and you go
out make a hundred cold calls because
you’re doing lousy but you go out win a
state of mind we don’t expect anyone’s
gonna buy and you turn to people and say
things like you wouldn’t want to buy
from me would you maybe you don’t say
that verbally but maybe your face says
that because you don’t expect them to is
that gonna affect your results
you better believe it’s going to you’re
gonna get lousy results in other words
success starts with our beliefs if you
look at that bottom left hand box that
is the core of your performance think
about it
see the potential is there but if for
some reason you start out with some
learning beliefs like well I don’t have
that much self-confidence anyway or I
don’t have the background or I’ve never
done this before so I probably won’t
succeed
anyway if you have that belief are you
likely to tap a lot of your potential
highly unlikely now if you don’t think
you’re gonna succeed you’re not using
much potential are you likely to take
massive action
hardly now when you tap a little bit of
potential and you only take a little bit
of action what kind of results do you
get a little bit of results if any now
what does that do to your brain and your
beliefs your brain goes see I told you
so now you have this reinforcing belief
pattern because it points back to that
experience so what happens you have even
less belief you have even less potential
you take even less action if that’s
possible you get even worse results and
now you’re truly locked into the
downward spiral to the point where now
you start looking at how can you do the
very least to get by that’s called death
rattle to personal success the opposite
is also true too sometimes people have
an experience in life where for some
reason they get a result or something
happens and they begin to absolutely
believe not just hope but know that they
can accomplish something when that
happens whether it because you changed
your body or you had a new experience
you’re gonna tap a lot more potential
when you know you’re gonna succeed
aren’t you and therefore you’re gonna
probably take a lot more action knowing
you’re gonna succeed you’re inspired
you’re gonna go for it when you take a
lot of action and use a lot of your
potential what kind of results you get
usually great results
when you get great results what does
that need your belief your brain goes
hmm see I told you you would succeed and
sure enough now your beliefs Irvan
stronger so what do you do you tap even
more potential you take massive action
and you get even greater results what
happens your believes even stronger and
now you’re in that success cycle you’re
in that place where you literally have
momentum that drives you to a whole new
that’s how police are formed you might
say well how can I get results though
what do I do if I’m on the downward
spiral
well you don’t change your potential
that’s always there you don’t just take
action although that’s a great first
step you’ve got to change your beliefs
and one of the easiest ways to do that
is change your results in advance you
might say what do you mean well let me
give you an example would you please
stop what you’re doing right now and do
this exercise with me change your focus
and pay a hundred percent attention
you’re gonna like this here’s what I
need to do please stand up just for a
moment come on stand up there come on
and what I’d like you to do is put your
feet together so they’re pointing
straight ahead then what I want you to
do is just take your right arm and bring
it straight out in front of you and
point your right index finger directly
in front of you so you’re pointing
straight ahead
when I say now what I’d like you to do
is turn clockwise as far as you can
comfortably without stretching yourself
or pushing yourself really hurting
yourself okay ready go ahead and turn
clockwise now as far as you can and just
notice where you end up good now come
back again okay drop your right arm
close your eyes and what I want you do
something really simple some simple
neuro societal conditioning now it’s
going to be simpler than anything we’ve
done so far all I want you to do is
imagine that you’re bringing your right
arm back up again and I want you to
imagine it so vividly that you actually
feel as if and see your hand coming up
in front of you straight out 20 in front
of you again in other words don’t
actually do it but make it so real that
it feels as if it’s happening and you
can see it occurring then in your mind’s
eye see and feel yourself turning
clockwise again only this time going
twice as far and make it effortless and
expect to enjoy it good and then come
back around in your mind and again in
your mind see and feel your arm coming
up in front of you with your finger
pointing straight ahead and when I say
now turn clockwise and see and feel no
don’t actually do it but make it so real
it feels like it’s happening see and
feel yourself again turning and this
time going three times as far as you did
the first time excellent and now do it a
third time do it very rapidly and feel
and expect yourself to go almost four
times as far will you turn almost all
the way
very good now open your eyes bring your
right arm back up physically this time
with your finger pointing straight ahead
and when I say now turn clockwise and go
as far as you can without hurting
yourself and watch how much further you
go this time go for it if you’re like
most people you’ve gone much further in
fact the average person goes at least
1/3 further than they did before so I
got a question for you go ahead and have
a seat my question is this what happened
here
did your potential change no you always
have the potential to turn that far did
you like make major changes in your
actions no way you didn’t make it major
changes in your actions but your results
did change
why because by Erie Herzing in your mind
over and over again you conditioned your
mind to believe to feel certain that it
could go much further you created an
association in your nervous system it
said this will feel good and I can go
further and now you’ve gone much further
in fact if you did it again you could go
even further again so this is a perfect
metaphor for what has to happen in life
if you want to succeed you need to
rehearse over and over succeeding until
it’s so real for you your brain begins
to believe it now you’ll tap more
potential you’ll take better action in
real life you’ll get better results then
we’ll reinforce your belief and now
you’re off and running does this make
sense this is the way to create lifelong
unstoppable self-confidence this is what
I did for myself because I was on the
downward spiral all I did was create the
results in my head so vividly I began to
believe them when I believed them I
tapped more potential I took more action
I started to get those real results in
my life emotionally economically and my
relationships and virtually every area
of my life and let me leave you with two
more things on confidence one if you
really want to be confident know what
causes people to lack in it focusing too
much on yourself and not enough on other
people will guarantee that you’ll lack
confidence what do I mean I mean some
people like confidence because they pick
themselves apart they spend all day
every day
analyzing themselves why did I do this
why don’t I do that how come I never
accomplish these things they ask lousy
questions they get lousy answers and
they create a tremendous amount of
self-doubt
you want to have more confidence stop
analyzing yourself so much and focus on
other people and how you can contribute
to them and as you start giving to other
people you’ll feel more confident about
what you can even do for yourself
it’s that make sense and finally this
you can feel confident if all you do is
remember some of the things you’ve
accomplished in your life you are a
successful competent person you’ve done
a lot of things in your life extremely
well no matter who you are what your
background is there are things in this
world that you are really good at things
you’ve really accomplished in your life
that you’ve got to be proud of every
human being I meet I know is my superior
because I know all of us in life have
focused our attention on various things
and whatever you focused on a lot you’re
good at and every human being I meet in
my life I know that I’m superior to in
some way as well and that makes me feel
confident as well knowing I can learn
from other people and that I can give –
so in order to help yourself really have
reasons to feel confident not just put
yourself in state but to feel like you
got reasons all you’ve got to do is
manage your memories better pull out
some of your memories of tough
situations in your life well you didn’t
think you could pull it off but you
turned it around you have some of those
don’t you situations we thought I could
never figure a way to pull this off and
yet you did you need to remember more of
those and less of the times when you
felt overwhelmed what I want you to do
is take out your success journal and
your assignment for day is simple I want
you to come up with five of your
greatest successes in life things where
you’ve really turned it on maybe some
situations where it looked really dark
looked really difficult and you didn’t
know how you’re gonna pull it off but
you did and all I want you to do is
write down a paragraph or so about each
one of those in other words pull out of
your memory files some of the references
that can show you that you deserve to be
confident that you’re competent and
confident that you can make things
happen even in the toughest of times and
use those examples to remind yourself in
the future that whatever’s going on you
can find a way do that today and have
some fun filtering through your memories and picking five of your favorites
self-sabotage you know when I talk to
people about succeeding in their lives
really making their goals and dreams a
reality
invariably they say you know I really go
for it but just somehow managed to screw
things up for myself just what I’m about
to really make things happen all of a
sudden whammo I don’t show up for a key
meeting or I say the wrong thing or I
treat somebody mean or I just don’t
follow through and I don’t understand it
I don’t know why I keep sabotaging
myself in this way hey sabotage only
comes for one reason and we said this
over and over again and we’re gonna keep
saying it because it is the foundation
to understanding human behavior if
you’re sabotaging yourself it means
you’re stopping yourself from following
through right why would you do that take
a wild guess because you associate more
pain to following through you’re
sabotaging yourself as a way of stopping
yourself from doing something you think
on some level is gonna create a lot of
pain in your life now some people think
succeeding is gonna create pain it’s
gonna make sure they feel alone or
separate from other people remember
we’ve talked about this so as they start
to get close to succeeding wham-o they
sabotage why cuz their brain notices but
hey the more I succeed people around me
don’t seem to get too jazzed about it
when I fail they call c’mere gosh let me
talk to you how’s it going but when they
succeed to go yeah easy for you buddy
well well that kind of conditioning no
wonder people sabotage we’ve got to take
control back in a way we take control
back again as we’ve done over the last
two tapes of conditioning ourselves is
to change our associations to the thing
that we’re sabotaging now let me bring
up another point that I think is equally
maybe even more important that is this a
lot of us jump to conclusions about
sabotage and a lot of people say well
gosh you know I just keep sabotaging my
success and when I say to them as are
you sabotaging your success or are you
just doing stupid things what I mean by
that is not everything you do that takes
away from your possibility of succeeding
as a result of self sabotage sometimes
you just make poor decisions and you
don’t want to start making up in your
head that there’s this giant pattern
dominating
your life and a lot of people do that
for example this woman in a seminar
recently stood up and she said well gosh
I just sabotage myself all the time I
said well what do you mean she said well
you know like the other day she said I
was late for work for the second time I
said well what does that mean she goes
well I was late and that screws things
up I must be sabotaging myself I said
well maybe it just got caught up and
what you were doing she goes no I think
I sabotage myself I said well why else
she said well because not only was I
late but also I forgot some of my things
at home so I wasn’t just late I left my
books at home so I couldn’t have conduct
the appropriate meeting I know are
sabotaging I said well how often does
this happen she goes well I don’t know
maybe once or twice a month
I said well maybe ma’am you’re not self
sabotaging maybe you’re just not paying
attention I mean so be careful about
generating this as a generalization in
your mind does that make sense don’t get
caught up and creating a belief system
well maybe something’s not there on the
other hand if you do have a pattern
realize that any pattern you have
including self sabotage still comes back
to one thing human beings no matter what
we’re doing including sabotaging
ourselves we do it for a positive intent
I want you to get that anything we do we
do for a positive intent for example if
you smoke cigarettes you’re not doing it
to try and create cancer in your body
and destroy yourself that’s not the
intent the intent is your brain long ago
linked up hey if I’m bored or if I’m
frustrated or if I’m feeling some kind
of pain of some sort that this is a way
to distract myself this is literally a
way to get rid of the pain and create
some pleasure that’s what your brain is
learn to do so the intent of smoking is
not to try and sabotage you to sabotage
the physical sabotage that obviously
cigarettes create for us is not about
creating sabotage it’s about creating
pleasure and avoiding pain you follow me
we do the same thing with alcohol we do
the same thing if you use drugs you do
the same thing if you watch TV too much
you do the same thing if you don’t show
up for meetings there is always a
positive intent your brain is trying to
do something that’s good for you in the
form of avoiding pain and getting
pleasure so what’s the challenge well
the challenge is in our lives we many
times sabotage ourselves because we’ve
got this approach avoidance
you’ve heard me talk about so much in
these tapes where we have mixed neural
associations where we sabotage a
relationship why because on the one side
remember we’ve linked pleasured if I get
a relationship that’s gonna be so great
others personal loves me and I can be
with this person and we can share so
much of life together and yet on the
other hand we’ve had experiences where
it’s meant pain and so our brain fries
we start to go in the relationship it
seems good and then all of a sudden our
brain goes oh oh but how am I in pain
and also we get these mixed sensations
or a brain doesn’t know is it gonna mean
pain or is it gonna be pleasure when our
brain doesn’t know it stops everything
it tries to stop the process of progress
does that make sense
I give you a classic example I was
reading in a book of an example of how
our associations can drive us crazy and
what it talked about was an experiment
that was done with rhesus monkeys where
they put them in a special cage and what
they did is in the cage they put red
yellow and green squares well after
several days the experimenter set it up
so that the red squares in the cage gave
off intermittent shocks that will cause
the monkey immediate pain well you can
imagine the monkey became pretty anxious
and pretty soon and learned to avoid the
red squares in almost any cost
well next the experiment had caused the
red and the yellow squares to give off
intermittent shocks and the monkey began
to act as if he was a manic-depressive
why because no matter worried when he
seemed to get pain no matter what he
tried he tried we thought would work
tried what he didn’t work he’s got pain
he started alternate between hyper
anxiety and depression and withdrawal
the monkey soon learned to avoid the red
and the yellow squares and then all the
squares were electrified well the little
monkey began to bite itself to beat its
head against the bars to defecate on
itself you might say a little monkey
been driven crazy now that’s a horrible
example and I have absolute contempt for
that kind of abuse of animals or people
but what I also want to point out is
that this is exactly what some people do
to each other this is exactly what some
people do in their own head some people
create this experimental cage in their
brain where they literally begin to link
pain to everything in life we are the
ones that create the connections that
were the ones that establish the shocks
because no matter what happens in your
life what you associate
is your choice and at least after this
program it is you don’t have to be at
the effect if you notice that you’ve
begun to wire to relationships a red
square called pain you can get rid of it
because you can know that that is a
generalization not all relationships
equal pain and so you’ve got to
eliminate those negative associations
otherwise you create your own
experimental box and you pay the
ultimate price that never needs to
happen to you you have the skills in
this program and if you’re not sure
about them listen to a tape again and
apply them you can take those
experiences that were painful and use
the eraser technique and destroy it so
you don’t ever associate pain again to a
relationship maybe you can even get it
worth somewhat humorous or you’ve at
least learned something or you can ask
yourself better questions and say okay I
may have felt painful then but that was
only one relationship and what did I
learn so I won’t have pain in the future
if not all red squares are painful if
that one was and what can I learn from
it so the next red square is pleasurable
or so I can rewire the red square so it
supports me I just finished doing a date
with destiny seminar this last weekend
before I did this taping with you and
the interesting thing happened as a man
walked up to me and he said Mr Robin
zone I think I should tell you before we
begin that I’m into self-sabotage I said
oh really it sounds pretty exciting what
what am i doing I just interrupted his
pattern a little bit start to break it
up he said well no I’m serious
I said well I can see you’re very
serious I said what do you mean he said
well for the last few years I’ve been
working very hard at getting out of my
body I said getting out of your body he
said yes I said what do you mean he said
well in the last six months
I’ve been in three car accidents I said
well that’s pretty amazing he’s sitting
you know what else I said what he said
I’ve been to the hospital four or five
times for fainting spells I’ve also
fallen off a ladder I also fell when I
was exercising I said well I said how do
you know that that means you’re trying
to get out of your body I said I don’t
agree he said what do you mean
I said listen if you want to get out of
your body you would have pulled that off
a long time ago I mean that’s pretty
easy I mean all you need is a good gun
or you know nice nice big knife I mean
you could do it quickly I mean if you
really were committed to getting out of
your body you had done that a long time
ago obviously this self-sabotage you’re
talking about
a positive intent what is it you’re
trying to get out of this behavior he
said well I don’t know I said well if
you didn’t know he said I don’t know I
guess maybe I just want to know that
people love me I said hmm interesting he
said god I never even realized that till
just now I said see people on savage
that you know trying to kill yourself
that’s absurd the bottom line is you
want to feel loved and I bet just like
the example I talked about with you
earlier in these tapes would jackknife
when we talked about that guy who
slammed his hand through the glass and
was bleeding and the woman who was
rejecting him all sudden is making love
to him I said a long time ago I told him
that story and I said you know a long
time ago
you obviously linked up that if you get
yourself hurt and get in the hospital
especially you got these people to come
and tell you how much they love you and
be with you and be worried about you but
I’m gonna tell you something that isn’t
love that’s obligation he looked at me
kind of funny I said that’s what it is
it’s obligation it’s pain they don’t
want to come see you they feel like they
have to and they’re guilty I said
they’re not giving you love in fact a
lot of those people probably hate you
because they do that well you talk about
interrupting his pattern he started to
defocus his eyes started looking inside
what am i doing I’m getting him to link
what pain to his present pattern so his
brain will want to change it I said
listen if you want love there are much
better ways and you’re much more
intelligent person this you don’t have
to sabotage him this way you could get
it just by you know the best way to get
love give it sleep be loving to people
give them so much love that they have to
give you love back I said there’s a long
life it’s called reciprocation what you
put out people feel like they got to
give it back I said some people stay in
relationships with people that they like
but don’t love and the reason is they
feel stuck cuz the other person who
loves them so much that they just oh
they can’t get out they give love back I
said listen if you really want love
start pouring it out so deeply and so
powerfully to so many people it’ll come
back tenfold and he looked around I said
and if you do that you have no pain and
you have lots of pleasure you do the
other one you keep breaking body parts
people come they’re obligated they think
God would have snuck how many more times
is he gonna get in a car accident was he
stupid but they wouldn’t say that to
your face I did this over and over again
until I conditioned him to link a new
pattern
I said to him as well look if you were
expressing love while you’re expressing
it what are you feeling I said love I
saw that’s interesting so you mean you
could get what you want the minute you
give it his brain went wow what a
concept
here’s a whole new way now well this
will help him to change his whole life
well he believes it will we’ll know in
six months if he hasn’t had too many
more accidents the pot of my unless he’s
just like blind or something and that’s
part of the problem the point is this
any pattern of self-sabotage comes out
of a positive intent do you hear me on
this we’re always trying to get
something that’s good for us even people
that commit suicide do it for a positive
intent in their brains mind their brain
says hey suicide being dead would be
less painful than being alive which I
have a hard time personally believing
but in the moment people who believe
that commit suicide most people never
commit suicide because killing
themselves is just too painful so what
do they do they just beat themselves up
a lot you don’t need to do either one
you can free yourself from self-sabotage
right now by knowing from this day
forward that if you ever start to
sabotage yourself 1 don’t jump to
conclusions and assume that because
you’ve done something a few times and it
didn’t work out the last minute you
screwed something up that it’s this
Specter called self-sabotage that’s
coming to find you
try another approach maybe it’s you’re
just not paying attention maybe you’re
not focusing maybe it’s got some poor
habits you know it may not be a
self-sabotage pattern so don’t jump to
that conclusion for just bad habits
refocus and decide what you do want to
accomplish and to if it clearly is a
pattern where you are subconsciously
sabotaging yourself screwing things up
hey get excited don’t get upset say hey
look my brain is doing what it does best
it thinks it’s keeping me out of pain
and give me some pleasure but I just got
to teach my brain a better pattern
that’s all so what’s the intent and
that’s how you eliminate self-sabotage
so let’s go to the steps real quickly 1
identify a behavior that’s keeping you
from getting your goals something that’s
stopping you were holding you back first
you got identified that’s step number 1
– once you’ve identified it ask yourself
what is the positive intent here what is
my
trying to give me so for example if you
know you’re about to go up to somebody
and ask him for a date and then all of a
sudden you shut down and you can’t even
talk what’s the positive intent well my
guess would be that your brain is trying
to protect you from being rejected it’s
saying well if he doesn’t say anything
can’t be rejected rejection is pain I
don’t want pain does that make sense so
that’s why you can’t think in that
moment but see you got to teach your
brain otherwise you got to go in once
you find out that what the positive
intent is you go well it’s trying to
protect me from rejection then you go to
step 3
get some leverage on yourself so that
you can make the change you know how to
do that we’ve done it over and over
again that is teach your brain that hey
if I don’t change this thing I know
you’re trying to help me out of your
brain I know you’re trying to keep me
from the pain of rejection but by me not
going up and expressing how much I’m
attracted it’s costing me relationships
that could give me a lot more pleasure
it’s a little bitty pain but not being a
relationship is big vain
I gotta explain this to your brain you
gotta have a little conversation in your
head the way to do it is on paper sit
down and write down all the pain you’re
gonna get if you don’t change this
pattern and all the pleasures you’ll get
by making the pattern work real simple
step 4
interrupt the pattern and there are lots
of ways to do that we’ve talked about
many the simplest one that we’ve used in
the last day or two of course is the
eraser technique so how do we use it
well see yourself beginning to go into a
situation where you’re sabotaging
yourself in other words see yourself
start to approach let’s say an
attractive person and you you see
yourself start to choke up only this
time watch it happen in scramblin be
outraged it’s the key to interrupting a
pattern is to do something your brain
would never ever expect and you look
rapidly over and over and over and over
again what that does is totally fry the
old pattern that used to stop you and of
course step 5 in is install a new
pattern condition yourself to have new
feelings what do you do
see yourself over and over going up and
making the connection with this person
and feeling the pleasure that comes from
that so you clearly teach your brain
pain comes from not doing it pleasure
comes from doing it and that old pattern
I can’t run anymore I’ve forgotten what
the heck it is I’ve scrambled my brain
simple humorous basic way to change and
eliminate self-sabotage something you
can easily do I want to make one of the
point and that is some of the most
successful people have
patterns of self-sabotage so remember if
you find yourself doing something that
doesn’t seem to be supporting you in the
long term remember at some level your
brain thinks it’s supporting you at
least in the short term that’s why it’s
doing it don’t feel bad about it no girl
gosh Here I am this failure some of
those successful people that I’ve
interviewed and worked with have had
self-sabotage it’s just a pattern when
once in a while getting you can just
change it now it’s very easy so here’s
your assignment pull out your success
journal and before you turn the tape
over just identify do you have a place
in your life where you have a tendency
and by the way that’s all this
self-sabotage stuff is we don’t want to
make it into a thing it’s not a thing
it’s just a tendency it’s just a pattern
that once in a while you run so is there
a place in your life where you have a
tendency to start to sabotage things
when it gets to good for example
relationship gets to a certain level and
your brain goes uh-oh if I get too
connected if I love this person too much
what if they leave me oh my gosh then I
have pain so I better sabotage it first
you understand the kind of thing I’m
talking about here so identify if
there’s a tendency someplace that’s
number one to don’t feel bad about it
instead feel good get excited say my
brain is awesome
my brain here is doing a good job of
what it believes it needs to do to help
me to avoid pain and gain pleasure so
feel good about your brain it means it’s
doing its job 3 get some leverage though
to make a change get your brain to
associate and teach your brain by
writing down here’s all the things I
miss out on because of this tendency and
really get your brain to see that
there’s major pain in sabotaging and
make sure your brain also says make a
list that here’s all the pleasure I get
by making a change so your brain has got
both the stick and the carrot
it’s got leverage to want to make the
shift for then what you need to do is
now simply interrupt the pattern and the
interrupted pattern the resilient ways
to do it again but use the erase your
technique us since we that’s what we’ve
been using for the last two days real
simple process think about the sabotage
you’ve done and make humourous run those
kinds of scenarios over in your head and
turn them into cartoons back and forth
back and forth back and forth until when
your brain thinks of it it kind of
laughs and sees that this is ridiculous
where it doesn’t run the pattern in the
same way anymore
and finally 5 rehearse achieving the
result you want without the
self-sabotage in other words rehearse
achieving the success you want and make
sure you feel the pleasure of succeeding
and
it over and over again till your brain
links hey this really works this is
really gonna last this is something that
I really want my life and the
self-sabotage pattern or tendency will
disappear so do this and we’ll talk
about how to create unstoppable
self-confidence creating unstoppable
self-confidence self-confidence it’s
something people talk about all the time
when they say why they’re not succeeding
over and over I hear people say I just
don’t have enough confidence this isn’t
confidence is not something you have
it’s something you create and you can
create it in any moment in time a sense
of confidence is nothing but a sense of
power within yourself a sense of
certainty that you can pull something
off and you can create that feeling
literally in a moment it’s not something
that you live with there is no one that
I’ve ever met but no matter what
situation they’re in is always confident
everybody gets knocked off kilter at
times the key is can you turn the
confidence on when you need it so you
can get the most out of yourself does
that make sense so far so you’ve got to
remember that feeling confident is
nothing but a state of mind and you can
change and create any state you want at
any moment in time no matter what’s
going on around you let me give you some
specific examples there are three
primary ways that you can create
self-confidence at any moment in time to
get the most out of yourself and produce
the results you really want approach
number one you’re familiar with it’s
called physiology you’ve got to remember
that any feeling you’ve ever had in your
body whether it be fear anxiety concern
depression frustration or ecstasy power
unstoppable ‘ti confidence success those
emotions any emotion you feel comes from
the way you use your physical body the
only way you can feel anything is by the
way you move the way you breathe your
facial expressions so if you’re not
feeling confident you don’t have to
intellectually try and pump yourself up
because it doesn’t always work
I’m sure you’ve tried at times to go
well I need to be confident I know I
should be confident but you’re still not
there let me tell you the quickest way
to get confident is to change your
physiology radically listen in our
seminars around the country those
unleash the power within programs we
take people
a first evening we call fear into power
and it’s an experience where we get you
to change your conditioning and feel
totally confident in an area you’d
normally you’re totally afraid of so at
the broadcast site we use a fire walk
experience where everyone walks across
the fire between 1,200 and 2,000 degrees
burning hot coals and in the theaters we
have people actually learn how to break
through wood karate style and they do in
about 15 minutes and it requires not
only confidence as you might guess but
competence to do something that most
people take two or three years to learn
how to do in a few minutes now the
purpose of this is to get people in a
state of being totally strong a
confident even though they were totally
afraid lacking confidence only moments
before let me tell you something to get
yourself across a bed of burning hot
coals or to smash through some wood even
though you might be tiny and small but
what is much bigger than you’ve ever
done before
I got to tell you something to do that
you got to make a major change in your
state major now let me tell you we do
that the number one way we do this is we
get people to move their bodies or the
level of intensity and power that they
probably never experienced before
remember earlier in these tapes I said
to you that emotion is created by motion
the way you move your body physically
the way you breathed your facial
expressions instantly affects your
emotional state the way you feel and the
way you think so if you need confidence
you must move in a confident way you
must literally put yourself at level 10
or above you remember those
conversations so what I do with people
is literally I’ll take somebody who
comes up to the fire and they go oh gosh
I really don’t think I could do this and
I say and I couldn’t do it either if I
talked like you right now stand up
breathe strong take a huge deep breath
in blow it out hard what I want you to
say the word yes and then go use I said
no no say yes and I haven’t yelling I go
yes
say it again yes and pretty soon they
feel incredibly strong and I say walk
and I go okay and it’s like instantly a
moment ago they were totally afraid now
they are the confidence to do it the
only difference was changing their state
of mind and emotion by changing the way
they’re using their body but I do it
radically major explosive changes in
other words if I was gonna make a
gesture I wouldn’t just like reach my
hand out toward you I’d snap it out
there that’s the kind of state of
confidence I’m talking about are you
following me
in other words you’ve got to move
deliberately as if you are absolutely
totally in control you know you can
create any result you want if you meet
someone who’s confident you know it
before they open their mouth don’t you
can’t you tell by the way they move by
the way they speak listen what if one
you turn these tapes on nice I said well
I want to thank you for listening
I’m Tony Robbins and I want to share
with you over the next 30 days how you
could have well you know absolute total
self confidence you can go get rid of
this guy what am i doing what’s going on
here who is this guy see on drugs what’s
the deal see the bottom line is I
communicate rapidly because I’m
confident is that I’m competent know
confident that’s what I’m talking about
hopefully I’m competent too but the
bottom line is I’m just letting it go
out of that state of confidence though
ideas pop up this whole set of tapes
have been designed to help you get
results without limits I didn’t sit here
and say okay no I’m going to say this
and it’ll say that I’m gonna put it in
this order I want you and I have a
relationship that moves you this whole
set of programs comes from my ability to
say I’m confident I know I can reach
this person if I didn’t believe that you
and I couldn’t have this conversation
right now but sometimes I don’t feel
confident sometimes I don’t feel like I
know what I’m gonna say next have you
ever been there what I do at that time
is act as if I know what I’m doing which
is a useful approach now you might say
well you’re teaching people to be
confident but not competent I Got News
for you if you’re confident enough you
can develop the competence but if you’re
competent and you don’t have confidence
you’ll never succeed
there are many competent people who
could accomplish incredible results but
they’re missing the confidence am I
suggesting to you to be foolhardy know
what I’m suggesting to you is learn how
to turn on the confidence rapidly use
enough of it to learn what you need to
know to be competent and effective and
produce the results but you’d be
surprised how much more you know then
you realize if you really get yourself
in the right state of mind does that
make sense
try it try moving your body
in a confident way back try it right now
please stand up again if you’re in the
car it’ll be a little bit more difficult
but oh no no don’t sit back down some of
you started to stand up and you’re sat
back now don’t do that I’m there I’m
watching I’m telling you stand up and
what I want you to do is just try
something stand the way you be standing
if you fell unstoppably confident
breathe the way be breathing if you felt
unstoppably confident really go for it
put the gun of expression on your face
like you’d have if you were unstoppably
confident and make some gestures
actually move your hands out with some
powers if you’re trying to make a point
with real power and what you know that
what you’re gonna say is gonna be
effective and just notice how that feels
say something say yes and the tone of
voice is somebody who is totally
confident don’t go use yes with some
power and just feel that feels in your
body get a sense of it turn on more
intensity than you would normally use
one another person just feel it in your
body so you feel what it’s like you want
to be able to turn it on just by turning
your body on this is critical with this
is a power you can go from being afraid
to strong in a matter of moments now try
something really stupid and silly while
you’re standing there I’d like you to
walk around your room and the way I’d
like you to do that is I want you to
imagine there’s a cape shooting off the
back of your back I’m gonna have this
call we call this a cape walk now if
nothing else has felt stupid up until
now this one is guaranteed to assist you
in this process what I want you to do is
stand up pretend there’s a cape back
there
shoulders are back and I want you to
walk around just walk around a circle
but like you got this cape flowing back
there with a sense of pride and power
Nega I’m not gonna do this listen only
those who are truly secure can
participate in this exercise go for it
try and come on walk around and just
notice it it feels like seriously walk
around and knows how it feels to have a
cape on your back and from that state
even though it seems humorous try it
right now why are you listening to me
walk around and feel that feels like
there’s cape flowing off your back there
and notice what happens in terms of your
confidence even though you may be
laughing do you feel a little stronger
are you more upright you feel more alive
just know this you can sit back down now
don’t sit on your cape
bottom line is this if you are making
gestures with certainty if you’re moving
with certainty with some
acceleration with some power if you
speak with that kind of tempo you will
feel confident no matter how you’re
feeling a few moments ago if you want to
feel like you have a lack of confidence
move not only slowly because slowly
could still be confident move slowly
let’s move with hesitation speak with
hesitation and within a short period of
time you can cause yourself to not only
feel bored with yourself but also to
actually feel like you can’t accomplish
anything in essence remember this using
your physical body effectively can put
you in a state of confidence no matter
what was happening around you no matter
how intense the situation no matter how
scary no matter how difficult you always
have that resource
don’t ever say to yourself again one of
the dudes break out of that Jail if you
don’t feel like you have confidence
create it right now it’s not a thing
that somebody gave you years ago it’s
not something you missed out on it’s
something you create by the way you
speak by the way you move by the way you
gesture that’s one here’s number two
control your mental focus remember what
you focus on is going to determine how
you feel so if you focus constantly on
how things might not work out and you
look at in your brain all the
possibilities of well what if this
doesn’t work or what if that doesn’t
happen if that’s your mental focus of
course you’re gonna lack confidence
remember we experience whatever we focus
on so if you’re focusing on how things
won’t work you’re gonna feel the pain
that you associate to that you’re gonna
create a tremendous amount of doubt and
then it usually becomes a
self-fulfilling prophecy you don’t get
what you want let me give you a kind of
a simple example I’d like you to try
something please listen and please do
this what I want you to do is think of
something you really want to have happen
in your future something like to have or
do or be and what I’d like you to do is
hope hope that you’ll get this to happen
in your life okay try it
think of something you really want in
your life something you really want to
have happen and I hope it’ll happen
notice how it feels when you hope it’ll
you may even notice what you say to
yourself and you’ll hope something will
now what I want you to do is get out of
that state completely get out let’s stay
for a second and now let’s have you
think about the same thing you want to
have happen in your life but this time I
want you to expect that it will happen
absolutely totally expect it know it
okay and when you know it’s gonna happen
I want you to notice what happens to the
pictures in your mind as you think about
it what’s different when you notice the
difference your body absolutely expect
it will happen you expect this will
occur you absolutely know it now I got a
question for you is there a difference
in how you feel in your body first of
all and I think you’ll find the answer
is yes in addition is there a difference
in even how you visualize these two
things in your mind
there are several distinctions that I
make usually when I ask people what the
difference is between they’re hoping and
they’re expecting invariably a number
one in distinction is people tell me
things like well I noticed that when I
was hoping that the picture was dim or
it was dark or was gray or as black and
white or or it was two pictures I saw
myself succeeding but I also saw the
possibility failing versus one I
expected I saw just one picture I saw it
happening interesting when you focus on
it just happening you feel confident
when you focus on it might happen or it
might not happen you don’t feel so
confident is that fair to say also when
people focus on things that they’re
expecting many times they put it in
color the other thing that commonly
comes up is people say things like well
when I was hoping I felt kind of passive
and when I was expecting I felt active I
felt like I needed to do something
interesting was that true for you the
reason is whatever we focus on we get so
if you’re focusing on two possibilities
your brain is getting different neural
associations it’s going could be painful
could be pleasurable your brain doesn’t
know what to do
it doesn’t feel confident but when you
expect and focus on one result you say
this is what it is I’m gonna accomplish
this I expect it immediately your level
self-confidence goes up and you feel
active immediately because your brain
says hey if I do this I can get some
pleasure in my life does that make sense
that’s the process we’re talking about
we must control our focus and one way to
do it of course is to control our focus
by controlling the questions we ask
ourselves invariably people who have a
lot of doubt
ask questions agreed they say things
like well could I really get this done I
wonder or god I wonder if this will get
screwed up too versus coming from the
place of saying how can I get this done
or better what’s the best way I can get
this done see when something comes up
for me if I want to be confident I don’t
say gosh do you think I can really pull
this off I ask myself what’s the best
way to get this done and enjoy the
process now by doing that listen to the
presupposition there the presupposition
is my mind’s gonna focus on how to get
it done I’m gonna start expecting it’s
gonna get done I’m gonna feel confident
first is saying will it work or will it
not in which case I start focusing on
two different possibilities and I lose
my confidence are you following me
good now third way that we can control
our focus is just to change our core
beliefs and we’ve already talked about
how to do this over and over again if
you walk around in life believing that
the only way you can feel confident is
if you’ve already accomplished something
you got a problem you’re limiting
yourself to the number of things you can
ever feel confident about and succeed in
other words some people say well how can
I be confident when I’ve never done it
before listen I feel confident all kinds
of things I’ve never done before you say
well that’s because you’re a screwed up
no that’s not why it is it’s because I
come from a belief system that says this
that if I can imagine it I can achieve
it so if I can even imagine it I know I
can achieve it and that allows me to be
confident plus I have a belief system
that says if I’m committed there’s
always a way to make it work and no
matter how tough the situation is if I
don’t know how to make it work somebody
else does and I can get their help so I
come from that place and that allows me
to be confident I know I can get help I
know if I’m committed there’s a way to
do it and I know that anything in the
past I’ve really been able to imagine
accomplishing and finding a role model
for I can’t accomplish hey listen
everything you do now you once weren’t
good at everything you do now there was
a time when you had not done it why wait
to get confident besides that I know I
can be confident about what I’m about to
begin because I know look if it doesn’t
work out I’ll learn something and that
makes me feel confident because that
learning will allow me to be better in
the future
in other words set yourself up to be
able to be confident again I’m not
suggesting be foolhardy I’m just telling
you how to turn confidence on when you
need it and most of time you do need it
so key question
a lot of people ask me as well how can I
create that level of belief I understand
I can change my body but how can I
create that belief so I wouldn’t have to
work at it well there’s a simple process
that I teach people I call it my success
cycle and it for me is my way of
explaining why people who succeed seem
to continue to succeed and get even
stronger and people who fail seem to go
down a downward spiral why do the rich
get richer and the poor get poorer
not just term in terms of rich or poor
financially but rich meaning mental
emotional social spiritual intellectual
physiological and financial I put a copy
of the drawing of my success cycle there
on your summary now if you take a look
at it you’ll see that there are four
elements that I think affect the quality
of our lives and I’ve got them
represented there by those four boxes up
on the top left-hand corner there you
should see the word potential what’s the
potential of any human being
I personally believe it absolutely is
unlimited none of us even come close to
scratching our real potential the second
element that affects human performance
is our actions up there in the Box in
the right hand corner the third element
that affects performance are the actual
results that we’ve gotten in other words
what’s the impact of our present actions
and potential being utilized and finally
the fourth element that affects
performance is our beliefs and you’ll
see that down in the left hand corner in
that box and you notice that all these
boxes have arrows that connect them and
they’re all pointing in a particular
direction going clockwise is if this was
a continuous cycle how does it work well
number one what’s the potential of any
human being again unlimited but do most
people’s results in life that bottom
right hand corner box do most people’s
results reflect that level of potential
I would say no way what’s the problem
you might say oh I see what is Tony it’s
that second box at the top they don’t
take enough what action I think that’s
true in many cases but that’s not the
only problem there are a lot of people
who go out there and take a lot of
action and still get lousy results why
action by itself is great but it is not
enough hey if you’re in sales and you go
out make a hundred cold calls because
you’re doing lousy but you go out win a
state of mind we don’t expect anyone’s
gonna buy and you turn to people and say
things like you wouldn’t want to buy
from me would you maybe you don’t say
that verbally but maybe your face says
that because you don’t expect them to is
that gonna affect your results
you better believe it’s going to you’re
gonna get lousy results in other words
success starts with our beliefs if you
look at that bottom left hand box that
is the core of your performance think
about it
see the potential is there but if for
some reason you start out with some
learning beliefs like well I don’t have
that much self-confidence anyway or I
don’t have the background or I’ve never
done this before so I probably won’t
succeed
anyway if you have that belief are you
likely to tap a lot of your potential
highly unlikely now if you don’t think
you’re gonna succeed you’re not using
much potential are you likely to take
massive action
hardly now when you tap a little bit of
potential and you only take a little bit
of action what kind of results do you
get a little bit of results if any now
what does that do to your brain and your
beliefs your brain goes see I told you
so now you have this reinforcing belief
pattern because it points back to that
experience so what happens you have even
less belief you have even less potential
you take even less action if that’s
possible you get even worse results and
now you’re truly locked into the
downward spiral to the point where now
you start looking at how can you do the
very least to get by that’s called death
rattle to personal success the opposite
is also true too sometimes people have
an experience in life where for some
reason they get a result or something
happens and they begin to absolutely
believe not just hope but know that they
can accomplish something when that
happens whether it because you changed
your body or you had a new experience
you’re gonna tap a lot more potential
when you know you’re gonna succeed
aren’t you and therefore you’re gonna
probably take a lot more action knowing
you’re gonna succeed you’re inspired
you’re gonna go for it when you take a
lot of action and use a lot of your
potential what kind of results you get
usually great results
when you get great results what does
that need your belief your brain goes
hmm see I told you you would succeed and
sure enough now your beliefs Irvan
stronger so what do you do you tap even
more potential you take massive action
and you get even greater results what
happens your believes even stronger and
now you’re in that success cycle you’re
in that place where you literally have
momentum that drives you to a whole new
that’s how police are formed you might
say well how can I get results though
what do I do if I’m on the downward
spiral
well you don’t change your potential
that’s always there you don’t just take
action although that’s a great first
step you’ve got to change your beliefs
and one of the easiest ways to do that
is change your results in advance you
might say what do you mean well let me
give you an example would you please
stop what you’re doing right now and do
this exercise with me change your focus
and pay a hundred percent attention
you’re gonna like this here’s what I
need to do please stand up just for a
moment come on stand up there come on
and what I’d like you to do is put your
feet together so they’re pointing
straight ahead then what I want you to
do is just take your right arm and bring
it straight out in front of you and
point your right index finger directly
in front of you so you’re pointing
straight ahead
when I say now what I’d like you to do
is turn clockwise as far as you can
comfortably without stretching yourself
or pushing yourself really hurting
yourself okay ready go ahead and turn
clockwise now as far as you can and just
notice where you end up good now come
back again okay drop your right arm
close your eyes and what I want you do
something really simple some simple
neuro societal conditioning now it’s
going to be simpler than anything we’ve
done so far all I want you to do is
imagine that you’re bringing your right
arm back up again and I want you to
imagine it so vividly that you actually
feel as if and see your hand coming up
in front of you straight out 20 in front
of you again in other words don’t
actually do it but make it so real that
it feels as if it’s happening and you
can see it occurring then in your mind’s
eye see and feel yourself turning
clockwise again only this time going
twice as far and make it effortless and
expect to enjoy it good and then come
back around in your mind and again in
your mind see and feel your arm coming
up in front of you with your finger
pointing straight ahead and when I say
now turn clockwise and see and feel no
don’t actually do it but make it so real
it feels like it’s happening see and
feel yourself again turning and this
time going three times as far as you did
the first time excellent and now do it a
third time do it very rapidly and feel
and expect yourself to go almost four
times as far will you turn almost all
the way
very good now open your eyes bring your
right arm back up physically this time
with your finger pointing straight ahead
and when I say now turn clockwise and go
as far as you can without hurting
yourself and watch how much further you
go this time go for it if you’re like
most people you’ve gone much further in
fact the average person goes at least
1/3 further than they did before so I
got a question for you go ahead and have
a seat my question is this what happened
here
did your potential change no you always
have the potential to turn that far did
you like make major changes in your
actions no way you didn’t make it major
changes in your actions but your results
did change
why because by Erie Herzing in your mind
over and over again you conditioned your
mind to believe to feel certain that it
could go much further you created an
association in your nervous system it
said this will feel good and I can go
further and now you’ve gone much further
in fact if you did it again you could go
even further again so this is a perfect
metaphor for what has to happen in life
if you want to succeed you need to
rehearse over and over succeeding until
it’s so real for you your brain begins
to believe it now you’ll tap more
potential you’ll take better action in
real life you’ll get better results then
we’ll reinforce your belief and now
you’re off and running does this make
sense this is the way to create lifelong
unstoppable self-confidence this is what
I did for myself because I was on the
downward spiral all I did was create the
results in my head so vividly I began to
believe them when I believed them I
tapped more potential I took more action
I started to get those real results in
my life emotionally economically and my
relationships and virtually every area
of my life and let me leave you with two
more things on confidence one if you
really want to be confident know what
causes people to lack in it focusing too
much on yourself and not enough on other
people will guarantee that you’ll lack
confidence what do I mean I mean some
people like confidence because they pick
themselves apart they spend all day
every day
analyzing themselves why did I do this
why don’t I do that how come I never
accomplish these things they ask lousy
questions they get lousy answers and
they create a tremendous amount of
self-doubt
you want to have more confidence stop
analyzing yourself so much and focus on
other people and how you can contribute
to them and as you start giving to other
people you’ll feel more confident about
what you can even do for yourself
it’s that make sense and finally this
you can feel confident if all you do is
remember some of the things you’ve
accomplished in your life you are a
successful competent person you’ve done
a lot of things in your life extremely
well no matter who you are what your
background is there are things in this
world that you are really good at things
you’ve really accomplished in your life
that you’ve got to be proud of every
human being I meet I know is my superior
because I know all of us in life have
focused our attention on various things
and whatever you focused on a lot you’re
good at and every human being I meet in
my life I know that I’m superior to in
some way as well and that makes me feel
confident as well knowing I can learn
from other people and that I can give –
so in order to help yourself really have
reasons to feel confident not just put
yourself in state but to feel like you
got reasons all you’ve got to do is
manage your memories better pull out
some of your memories of tough
situations in your life well you didn’t
think you could pull it off but you
turned it around you have some of those
don’t you situations we thought I could
never figure a way to pull this off and
yet you did you need to remember more of
those and less of the times when you
felt overwhelmed what I want you to do
is take out your success journal and
your assignment for day is simple I want
you to come up with five of your
greatest successes in life things where
you’ve really turned it on maybe some
situations where it looked really dark
looked really difficult and you didn’t
know how you’re gonna pull it off but
you did and all I want you to do is
write down a paragraph or so about each
one of those in other words pull out of
your memory files some of the references
that can show you that you deserve to be
confident that you’re competent and
confident that you can make things
happen even in the toughest of times and
use those examples to remind yourself in
the future that whatever’s going on you
can find a way do that today and have
some fun filtering through your memories and picking five of your favorites
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