[Music]
[Music]
mirror mirror on the wall who is the
fairest of them all I think you all know
this quote right
it’s from the famous snow-white fairy
tale but in reality this quote actually
is a very deep and profound meaning what
if I told you that you are surrounded by
countless invisible mirrors every day
and what if I told you that you are not
always who you think you are since the
rise of social media we became more
self-conscious as a society than ever
before on a single photo we try to judge
whether someone can potentially be the
love of our lives and we endlessly tap
those like buttons but what do we
actually see and who do we actually see
striving for comfort and approval seems
to be the main goal it’s almost like we
equate comfort and approval for
happiness but once we don’t get that
continuous approval you reject the
anxiety that may arise because we tell
ourselves something is wrong if we don’t
always feel good enough beautiful enough
adequate enough the reason I’m
mentioning this is because for a long
time I was the person I was that girl
who was endlessly comparing herself when
things weren’t always going her way but
the reason I’m standing here today is
because I want to share with you my
personal story of how my suffering led
to questioning my own self-image and
which opened the path for true healing
well in order to do that I’m going to
take you back to my younger self you see
my younger self loved taking selfies
growing up as a teenager in this
generation social media wasn’t strange
to me and like any other girl I had many
insecurities I was often occupied but
what other people would think of me and
when I would feel good about myself I
would post a selfie but also and even
more so when I would feel sad and you
know why
because I knew I was getting the
approval I was looking for and before I
knew it I was addicted to approval even
though my younger self couldn’t
rationally understand what was happening
on a deeper level I was starting to feel
discrepancy between what I showed to the
outside world and how I really felt from
inside it felt like I was wearing this
mask and even worse I felt trapped in it
I became a prisoner of my own need for
approval and I turned it to a
perfectionist my suffering actually grew
so deep that it cost me to have a
burnout in just my early 20s I never
forget this moment I was laying on the
floor of my bedroom thinking how dare I
worry about what other people think of
me when there are people out there dying
from starvation and war and I was
worried about my self-image I felt
ashamed and when I thought I couldn’t
sink any lower
a voice popped up in my mind saying who
are you really and what are you truly
afraid of it would these questions that
made me want to confront my fears even
though I didn’t know how all I knew is
that I wanted to take action and
responsibility for the suffering I was
feeling and this was the first step
towards my healing little did I know
that my real fears were about fear of
being vulnerable the fear of rejection
and the fear of not being good enough
during the time this was also happening
I was also attending art school and in
art school I had the chance to actually
express myself creatively ironically
enough my fascinations were always
evolving around the human body to me the
human body was strange yet magical shell
we lived in and it was slowly getting
clear to me that the human body had a
direct correlation between my search for
identity and vulnerability so this led
to the idea
to put myself as a research object and
to investigate my fears now I want you
to imagine like you’re standing in a
room naked with 20 strangers staring at
you now I can tell you that it’s
definitely awkward I thought it was a
brilliant idea to become a nude model
what seems scary at first was getting
more and more comfortable but it felt
like the right thing to do to expose
myself like that so I decided to give up
control and step out of my comfort zone
but during my time as an OOP model I
made some very interesting observations
and insights that I want to share with
you so the first one was perception I
could clearly notice that the people who
drew me perceive me very differently
than I perceive myself and I was amazed
by seeing so many different versions of
myself it was actually very amusing of
seeing myself going from an 8 year old
lady back to a young girl and straight
into this abstracted soonish figure in
which I couldn’t even recognize myself
at all now the second observation was
direction I know right
so normally I would never stand like
this but I noticed that the
photographers who took pictures of me at
the tendency to direct my poses they
would often ask me to look down or put
my hands up in which this case I did it
felt like there were certain
expectations
now the third observation was the most
confronting one and that was judgement
you see I stepped into his experience
with the expectation of being judged
only to realize that it was my own
judgment and shame towards myself that
was standing in between me and the
others I was my own biggest judge and
even though I gained so much more
confidence about my body there I still
had these questions like when are really
vulnerable how can we embrace our
vulnerabilities how do other people
experience this
this inspired me to start my own project
instead of letting other people observe
me I wanted to observe others but this
time I wanted to do something different
I wanted my photo sessions to be like an
experience so the idea was to create a
space where there was no room for
judgment no directions no expectations
just pure presence between me and the
other person for me it was important
that they were naked or at least in
their underwear because for me being
naked it’s like the most bad state a
human can be in literally nothing to
cover you up it wasn’t necessarily for
me to capture their naked bodies more
about the emotions and the feelings that
would arise when being in this state so
with this in mind I found some very
brave and courageous people who were
willing to participate and what happened
next
was amazing because I became the mirror
I noticed that when observing them
without judgment and without expectation
this would often cause a great sense of
discomfort and the silence I used during
my photo sessions made it even worse I
became the mirror on which they
projected their own insecurities and I
was very fascinated by their moments of
inner reflection and abide their body
language so I try to categorize these
faces into tree types of faces now the
first one is what I call the avoidance
face here their bodies would often send
me a subconscious message by putting
their hands in front of their hearts or
in front of their face because my models
didn’t know what to expect I could often
sense a fear of judgment in my models
and it felt like there was a sense of
shame it really took time to earn their
trust in this face to let their guards
down now the second phase was the most
captivating one to me that was the
release you see once they noticed I
wasn’t there to judge them and when I
told them that every emotion that would
arise was completely validated
I saw them physically relaxed and there
was a sense of calmness in them when the
discomfort would leave their bodies it
was like they would literally let go of
the tension that they were holding in
the previous phase now the last phase
which I called the encounter was the
most beautiful face to me in this face
it felt like they really let down their
guards and I felt like I had a genuine
and real connection it was during these
moments that we would share our personal
stories our fear and we could talk about
this taboo called vulnerability it
really felt like I had a glimpse of
their real self and it was like I was
staring into their soul overall through
my research there was clearly one
pattern that was feasible and that was
the transition between resistance and
surrender but what’s even more
surprising with the reactions of the
models when I showed them their own
portrait some of them actually saw the
beauty in it while other people never
wanted to see me again what seemed
confront what seems beautiful to me was
confronting to most of them and all the
sudden I realized have I done something
wrong something ethically wrong all I
tried to do was capture an emotion but
then it hit me maybe I was seeing
something in them I wasn’t supposed to
see or maybe I was seeing something in
them they didn’t want to see in
themselves after shooting many models I
thought it was time to take a step back
and to reflect on my work and what I’d
done and all the sudden I had this
profound realization and I knew what my
work was about and what it was trying to
tell me it was about my own
vulnerability
I saw the vulnerability reflected back
at me in all of these people I was face
to face with a shadow aspect of myself I
was afraid to show
and at that moment I knew I have my
answer my inner world was mirrored back
at me through my external reality all
these moments I tried to capture with my
camera made sense now this transition
from resistance to surrender from shame
to acceptance all I tried to do was to
create a space where there was pure
presence you see whatever we disowned in
ourselves will be reflected back at us
but it is true the other that we can see
our reflection it is true the other that
we come to know the contents of our
inner world there’s only one thing that
I forgot in the process and that was my
self I was so focused on finding answers
outside of myself that I forgot that the
answer was hidden deep within and after
this huge realization my intuition told
me there was time to go inwards to truly
feel my emotions to feel my vulnerable
side instead of trying to capture it in
others right at that moment I actually
started meditating daily I even went to
those meditation centers where you have
to be silent on day friend and I can
tell you that’s no fun but what I found
there touched me deeply because for the
first time in my life I connected with a
deeper part of myself a part that goes
beyond the physical form a part that
goes beyond identity and I had to cry
for weeks and not only because I
released so many suppressed emotions I
didn’t know I even had but also out of
pure happiness now I know that the
mental image I had of myself and my
negative self-beliefs have nothing to do
with who I truly am in my core looking
back at my journey there were three
incredibly important lessons that I’ve
learned that I want you to know
one instead of bypassing the
uncomfortable dive into the
uncomfortable it wasn’t until later I
realized that it was the discomfort that
pushed me out of my comfort zone
you see discomfort can be catalyst for
change and therefore for growth instead
of trying to change or bypass the
discomfort in a situation I decided to
lean into it to be unconditionally
present with yourself we are often
afraid to be in stillness we are often
afraid to be really seen by others
because we have been raised with
conditional love we praise the good
qualities in ourselves and we tend to
reject the bed when we learn that our
fears are silly we learn to hide those
emotions from others and even ourselves
and we lose sight of the importance of
those emotions and a truth they are
trying to tell us but I believe that if
we learn to look at our negative
emotions without judgments this is what
creates real compassion towards yourself
and towards others free honor and own
your vulnerability if you disown your
vulnerability it will be reflected back
at you one way or another it will create
situations where you will feel shame
judgment disconnection however if you
earn your vulnerability this actually
opens the door to real authenticity if
anything I learned that by suppressing
my emotions denying my vulnerability and
wearing a social mask were actually
destroying me but it also cost a great
and spiritual wake-up call in me shame
is what seems to hold us back from
acting as the most true and real us but
what are we even scared to show our most
real vulnerable feelings when we have
the courage to look at our own shadow
there is no fear to be head it is only
often because we are so blinded by the
masks we wear and so
eager to receive outside approval that
we sometimes fail to recognize the
beauty that is already present within us
now I want to challenge you to look at
yourself from a different perspective
don’t worry I’m not gonna ask you to put
your clothes off or so become a new
model like me but the next time you are
tempted to judge someone or to judge
yourself I want you to take a step back
breathe and ask yourself what is being
mirrored within my consciousness putting
yourself out there takes vulnerability
but if you have the courage to step out
of your comfort zone and be vulnerable
you will inspire others to do the same
and that that is real power thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
mirror mirror on the wall who is the
fairest of them all I think you all know
this quote right
it’s from the famous snow-white fairy
tale but in reality this quote actually
is a very deep and profound meaning what
if I told you that you are surrounded by
countless invisible mirrors every day
and what if I told you that you are not
always who you think you are since the
rise of social media we became more
self-conscious as a society than ever
before on a single photo we try to judge
whether someone can potentially be the
love of our lives and we endlessly tap
those like buttons but what do we
actually see and who do we actually see
striving for comfort and approval seems
to be the main goal it’s almost like we
equate comfort and approval for
happiness but once we don’t get that
continuous approval you reject the
anxiety that may arise because we tell
ourselves something is wrong if we don’t
always feel good enough beautiful enough
adequate enough the reason I’m
mentioning this is because for a long
time I was the person I was that girl
who was endlessly comparing herself when
things weren’t always going her way but
the reason I’m standing here today is
because I want to share with you my
personal story of how my suffering led
to questioning my own self-image and
which opened the path for true healing
well in order to do that I’m going to
take you back to my younger self you see
my younger self loved taking selfies
growing up as a teenager in this
generation social media wasn’t strange
to me and like any other girl I had many
insecurities I was often occupied but
what other people would think of me and
when I would feel good about myself I
would post a selfie but also and even
more so when I would feel sad and you
know why
because I knew I was getting the
approval I was looking for and before I
knew it I was addicted to approval even
though my younger self couldn’t
rationally understand what was happening
on a deeper level I was starting to feel
discrepancy between what I showed to the
outside world and how I really felt from
inside it felt like I was wearing this
mask and even worse I felt trapped in it
I became a prisoner of my own need for
approval and I turned it to a
perfectionist my suffering actually grew
so deep that it cost me to have a
burnout in just my early 20s I never
forget this moment I was laying on the
floor of my bedroom thinking how dare I
worry about what other people think of
me when there are people out there dying
from starvation and war and I was
worried about my self-image I felt
ashamed and when I thought I couldn’t
sink any lower
a voice popped up in my mind saying who
are you really and what are you truly
afraid of it would these questions that
made me want to confront my fears even
though I didn’t know how all I knew is
that I wanted to take action and
responsibility for the suffering I was
feeling and this was the first step
towards my healing little did I know
that my real fears were about fear of
being vulnerable the fear of rejection
and the fear of not being good enough
during the time this was also happening
I was also attending art school and in
art school I had the chance to actually
express myself creatively ironically
enough my fascinations were always
evolving around the human body to me the
human body was strange yet magical shell
we lived in and it was slowly getting
clear to me that the human body had a
direct correlation between my search for
identity and vulnerability so this led
to the idea
to put myself as a research object and
to investigate my fears now I want you
to imagine like you’re standing in a
room naked with 20 strangers staring at
you now I can tell you that it’s
definitely awkward I thought it was a
brilliant idea to become a nude model
what seems scary at first was getting
more and more comfortable but it felt
like the right thing to do to expose
myself like that so I decided to give up
control and step out of my comfort zone
but during my time as an OOP model I
made some very interesting observations
and insights that I want to share with
you so the first one was perception I
could clearly notice that the people who
drew me perceive me very differently
than I perceive myself and I was amazed
by seeing so many different versions of
myself it was actually very amusing of
seeing myself going from an 8 year old
lady back to a young girl and straight
into this abstracted soonish figure in
which I couldn’t even recognize myself
at all now the second observation was
direction I know right
so normally I would never stand like
this but I noticed that the
photographers who took pictures of me at
the tendency to direct my poses they
would often ask me to look down or put
my hands up in which this case I did it
felt like there were certain
expectations
now the third observation was the most
confronting one and that was judgement
you see I stepped into his experience
with the expectation of being judged
only to realize that it was my own
judgment and shame towards myself that
was standing in between me and the
others I was my own biggest judge and
even though I gained so much more
confidence about my body there I still
had these questions like when are really
vulnerable how can we embrace our
vulnerabilities how do other people
experience this
this inspired me to start my own project
instead of letting other people observe
me I wanted to observe others but this
time I wanted to do something different
I wanted my photo sessions to be like an
experience so the idea was to create a
space where there was no room for
judgment no directions no expectations
just pure presence between me and the
other person for me it was important
that they were naked or at least in
their underwear because for me being
naked it’s like the most bad state a
human can be in literally nothing to
cover you up it wasn’t necessarily for
me to capture their naked bodies more
about the emotions and the feelings that
would arise when being in this state so
with this in mind I found some very
brave and courageous people who were
willing to participate and what happened
next
was amazing because I became the mirror
I noticed that when observing them
without judgment and without expectation
this would often cause a great sense of
discomfort and the silence I used during
my photo sessions made it even worse I
became the mirror on which they
projected their own insecurities and I
was very fascinated by their moments of
inner reflection and abide their body
language so I try to categorize these
faces into tree types of faces now the
first one is what I call the avoidance
face here their bodies would often send
me a subconscious message by putting
their hands in front of their hearts or
in front of their face because my models
didn’t know what to expect I could often
sense a fear of judgment in my models
and it felt like there was a sense of
shame it really took time to earn their
trust in this face to let their guards
down now the second phase was the most
captivating one to me that was the
release you see once they noticed I
wasn’t there to judge them and when I
told them that every emotion that would
arise was completely validated
I saw them physically relaxed and there
was a sense of calmness in them when the
discomfort would leave their bodies it
was like they would literally let go of
the tension that they were holding in
the previous phase now the last phase
which I called the encounter was the
most beautiful face to me in this face
it felt like they really let down their
guards and I felt like I had a genuine
and real connection it was during these
moments that we would share our personal
stories our fear and we could talk about
this taboo called vulnerability it
really felt like I had a glimpse of
their real self and it was like I was
staring into their soul overall through
my research there was clearly one
pattern that was feasible and that was
the transition between resistance and
surrender but what’s even more
surprising with the reactions of the
models when I showed them their own
portrait some of them actually saw the
beauty in it while other people never
wanted to see me again what seemed
confront what seems beautiful to me was
confronting to most of them and all the
sudden I realized have I done something
wrong something ethically wrong all I
tried to do was capture an emotion but
then it hit me maybe I was seeing
something in them I wasn’t supposed to
see or maybe I was seeing something in
them they didn’t want to see in
themselves after shooting many models I
thought it was time to take a step back
and to reflect on my work and what I’d
done and all the sudden I had this
profound realization and I knew what my
work was about and what it was trying to
tell me it was about my own
vulnerability
I saw the vulnerability reflected back
at me in all of these people I was face
to face with a shadow aspect of myself I
was afraid to show
and at that moment I knew I have my
answer my inner world was mirrored back
at me through my external reality all
these moments I tried to capture with my
camera made sense now this transition
from resistance to surrender from shame
to acceptance all I tried to do was to
create a space where there was pure
presence you see whatever we disowned in
ourselves will be reflected back at us
but it is true the other that we can see
our reflection it is true the other that
we come to know the contents of our
inner world there’s only one thing that
I forgot in the process and that was my
self I was so focused on finding answers
outside of myself that I forgot that the
answer was hidden deep within and after
this huge realization my intuition told
me there was time to go inwards to truly
feel my emotions to feel my vulnerable
side instead of trying to capture it in
others right at that moment I actually
started meditating daily I even went to
those meditation centers where you have
to be silent on day friend and I can
tell you that’s no fun but what I found
there touched me deeply because for the
first time in my life I connected with a
deeper part of myself a part that goes
beyond the physical form a part that
goes beyond identity and I had to cry
for weeks and not only because I
released so many suppressed emotions I
didn’t know I even had but also out of
pure happiness now I know that the
mental image I had of myself and my
negative self-beliefs have nothing to do
with who I truly am in my core looking
back at my journey there were three
incredibly important lessons that I’ve
learned that I want you to know
one instead of bypassing the
uncomfortable dive into the
uncomfortable it wasn’t until later I
realized that it was the discomfort that
pushed me out of my comfort zone
you see discomfort can be catalyst for
change and therefore for growth instead
of trying to change or bypass the
discomfort in a situation I decided to
lean into it to be unconditionally
present with yourself we are often
afraid to be in stillness we are often
afraid to be really seen by others
because we have been raised with
conditional love we praise the good
qualities in ourselves and we tend to
reject the bed when we learn that our
fears are silly we learn to hide those
emotions from others and even ourselves
and we lose sight of the importance of
those emotions and a truth they are
trying to tell us but I believe that if
we learn to look at our negative
emotions without judgments this is what
creates real compassion towards yourself
and towards others free honor and own
your vulnerability if you disown your
vulnerability it will be reflected back
at you one way or another it will create
situations where you will feel shame
judgment disconnection however if you
earn your vulnerability this actually
opens the door to real authenticity if
anything I learned that by suppressing
my emotions denying my vulnerability and
wearing a social mask were actually
destroying me but it also cost a great
and spiritual wake-up call in me shame
is what seems to hold us back from
acting as the most true and real us but
what are we even scared to show our most
real vulnerable feelings when we have
the courage to look at our own shadow
there is no fear to be head it is only
often because we are so blinded by the
masks we wear and so
eager to receive outside approval that
we sometimes fail to recognize the
beauty that is already present within us
now I want to challenge you to look at
yourself from a different perspective
don’t worry I’m not gonna ask you to put
your clothes off or so become a new
model like me but the next time you are
tempted to judge someone or to judge
yourself I want you to take a step back
breathe and ask yourself what is being
mirrored within my consciousness putting
yourself out there takes vulnerability
but if you have the courage to step out
of your comfort zone and be vulnerable
you will inspire others to do the same
and that that is real power thank you
[Applause]
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