how are you honestly how often do we get
asked this question and how many times
do we honestly answer it I’d like to ask
you all to take a moment right now close
your eyes and ask yourself how am i
truly feel now with your eyes closed
like to ask you all to think of one
person that you would like to share this
feeling with and imagine sharing it with
just one thank you as a psychologist
you’ve just done one of the hardest
things that I ask my clients to do to
share your emotional life we’re not
often taught to express our emotion in
fact from a very young age
we’re taught to suppress our oceans we
tell toddlers to stop crying and melona
and the message of this goes in to our
adult legs now in cultures like Myanmar
some might even say that we are experts
in burying our emotions often people
only reach out for help during periods
of crisis but if we share how we’re
feeling before we reached a crisis point
you see sharing our
emotional life provides us with the path
to alleviate the symptoms of pent up
repression so what happens when we open
up the doors and share our emotions
versus ignoring them and asylum the door
shut at a part of my role as a clinical
psychologist one of my job’s is to help
people learn how to deal with their
emotions
I’m also hassan amar from country that
has had asked for a shot under the rule
of a military dictatorship for over half
a century and although today never is
more connected than it has ever been in
both technology and government for many
emotions still have time and since I’ve
returned over four years ago I’ve seen
the dangers of ignoring and repressing
these emotions but only does a
generation of parents and leaders suffer
but also the next generation of children
and teens so I’d like to take a step
together to think about the importance
of being open with our emotions moving
away from emotional repression towards
the doors of emotional openness now I
first learned the absolute destruction
of living under power at a personal
level I was eight I was lying in my bed
fast asleep when the light suddenly came
on and my mother told me to get up and
come downstairs her touch was gentle but
her voice was firm and I could tell that
somehow she was afraid now when I got
downstairs there were two men sitting at
the dining room table
an innocent eight-year-old and we
expected friendly visitors but they
turned out to be military police in vain
the safety of our home and from that
moment forward a shutdown took place in
my family no one ever spoke of the
strange men that came that night and my
mother told me to lock my bedroom door
every time when I went to sleep this was
my introduction to a dictatorship for
others it was arbitrary arrests
repressed critics and live spent an
empire so what happens when you live
under a dictatorship what happens
emotionally when we live in a society
where the walls have ears and the doors
have eyes well when you fear that
someone is watching your every move
and listening to every phone call then
your guard goes up and feelings go and
shut down we padlock our dates and our
mistrust grows and this is when we stop
connecting now in the long-term this is
not healthy you see multiple studies
shows us that when we refresh how we
feel we sacrifice both our physical and
our mental health we’re more likely to
have a heart attack and we’re at greater
risk of developing depression when we
ignore these feelings in the short-term
yes when we burry only fear we are
protected from her but in the long term
we sacrifice both our physical and our
mental health now this is an all too
common scenario in my work I’d like to
tell you a story about me her real name
I’d like to protect now may was a client
of mine who grew up under dictatorship
he came to my office she sat down in the
chair and her body was tight
with her hands in her lap she had her
bag in her knees and she was hunched
over like she was hiding something
it was almost as if her emotional
repression had physically manifested
itself Nemean sat in silence and then
she cried the only three words that she
said that day I couldn’t believe it may
only had three words to express how she
was feeling good sad and angry you see
may have grown up being told that when
she experienced difficult emotions to
push them away when she was sad she was
told attend on the tonic don’t worry
about it
and she was also told since I meant
don’t think about it and it was messages
like this that could only help to ensure
that made buried and repressed how she
was feeling so me felt that the only
option she had was to ignore things but
over the months they started to tell me
about the time that the military came to
her she told me about her mother’s fear
they took her father
they took her security and they took her
voice and the only way that may add to
ah she was feeling with to cry on her
own alone at night you see me didn’t
have the words or place to express how
she was feeling
and this created a deep sadness anxiety
and loneliness like my mother no one
spoke to me about the strange men I came
to her home Lee’s father disappeared for
six weeks and she was told to burying
her emotions led to a severe depression
and if there’s one thing that we can
learn from a story it’s not burying and
now we won’t do it we can all worry our
emotions even if we don’t grow up under
a dictatorship and you may believe it’s
May thought that when you bury your
emotions and hold them deep inside that
you’re in control of these emotions in
reality they control us you see painful
emotions always break free and when they
do it affects those around us it affects
our family it affects our friends and it
affects our neighbors and for me there
was no longer a point where she was able
to hold these feelings in and they came
out and deep pain and deep anger and
they continued to come out when she got
married and have her children you see
from me her emotional repression led to
this obsessive need to control her
family meaning to where they were and
when there were people and this was
damaging now I realize it was my job to
help me to develop a vocabulary of
emotions to help her to express her
helped her to communicate this to her
family so that she would be able to heal
these relationships so what happens when
they moved away from the closed doors of
emotional repression towards the doors
of emotional openness well Meg started
to have dinner with her mother every
week and inch by inch she would open up
to her about how she’s been feeling and
she’d also spoken with her children
about their worries and their fears and
although she hasn’t just yet been able
to speak to her father about how she’s
been feeling that’s okay because it’s a
journey that she’s taking step by step
and it’s a journey that you can also
take step by step opening up about our
emotion Gary it can hurt opening up to
emotion possibility possibility of love
intimacy and connection now maybe now
more than ever has a close relationship
with her children and an intimate
connection with her mother so what does
emotional openness look like impactive
well most importantly when you
experience difficult emotions like
jealousy or envy don’t hide from them no
take the gift
look deeply inside ask yourself some
question what makes is feeling better
what makes this feeling worse and when
you feel comfortable
take the gift turn it around and share
it now don’t mean sharing it with all of
your Facebook friends with everybody
here today instead share it with those
that you trust the people that you trust
look after these emotions the doors of
oppression have been closed for over 50
years and emotions have been held tight
but as the doors to democracy open so
too should the doors to emotion bring
emotions to the center of your
relationships motions are our gift open
up to them explore them and then share
them so the next time that somebody asks you how are you what will you share and
asked this question and how many times
do we honestly answer it I’d like to ask
you all to take a moment right now close
your eyes and ask yourself how am i
truly feel now with your eyes closed
like to ask you all to think of one
person that you would like to share this
feeling with and imagine sharing it with
just one thank you as a psychologist
you’ve just done one of the hardest
things that I ask my clients to do to
share your emotional life we’re not
often taught to express our emotion in
fact from a very young age
we’re taught to suppress our oceans we
tell toddlers to stop crying and melona
and the message of this goes in to our
adult legs now in cultures like Myanmar
some might even say that we are experts
in burying our emotions often people
only reach out for help during periods
of crisis but if we share how we’re
feeling before we reached a crisis point
you see sharing our
emotional life provides us with the path
to alleviate the symptoms of pent up
repression so what happens when we open
up the doors and share our emotions
versus ignoring them and asylum the door
shut at a part of my role as a clinical
psychologist one of my job’s is to help
people learn how to deal with their
emotions
I’m also hassan amar from country that
has had asked for a shot under the rule
of a military dictatorship for over half
a century and although today never is
more connected than it has ever been in
both technology and government for many
emotions still have time and since I’ve
returned over four years ago I’ve seen
the dangers of ignoring and repressing
these emotions but only does a
generation of parents and leaders suffer
but also the next generation of children
and teens so I’d like to take a step
together to think about the importance
of being open with our emotions moving
away from emotional repression towards
the doors of emotional openness now I
first learned the absolute destruction
of living under power at a personal
level I was eight I was lying in my bed
fast asleep when the light suddenly came
on and my mother told me to get up and
come downstairs her touch was gentle but
her voice was firm and I could tell that
somehow she was afraid now when I got
downstairs there were two men sitting at
the dining room table
an innocent eight-year-old and we
expected friendly visitors but they
turned out to be military police in vain
the safety of our home and from that
moment forward a shutdown took place in
my family no one ever spoke of the
strange men that came that night and my
mother told me to lock my bedroom door
every time when I went to sleep this was
my introduction to a dictatorship for
others it was arbitrary arrests
repressed critics and live spent an
empire so what happens when you live
under a dictatorship what happens
emotionally when we live in a society
where the walls have ears and the doors
have eyes well when you fear that
someone is watching your every move
and listening to every phone call then
your guard goes up and feelings go and
shut down we padlock our dates and our
mistrust grows and this is when we stop
connecting now in the long-term this is
not healthy you see multiple studies
shows us that when we refresh how we
feel we sacrifice both our physical and
our mental health we’re more likely to
have a heart attack and we’re at greater
risk of developing depression when we
ignore these feelings in the short-term
yes when we burry only fear we are
protected from her but in the long term
we sacrifice both our physical and our
mental health now this is an all too
common scenario in my work I’d like to
tell you a story about me her real name
I’d like to protect now may was a client
of mine who grew up under dictatorship
he came to my office she sat down in the
chair and her body was tight
with her hands in her lap she had her
bag in her knees and she was hunched
over like she was hiding something
it was almost as if her emotional
repression had physically manifested
itself Nemean sat in silence and then
she cried the only three words that she
said that day I couldn’t believe it may
only had three words to express how she
was feeling good sad and angry you see
may have grown up being told that when
she experienced difficult emotions to
push them away when she was sad she was
told attend on the tonic don’t worry
about it
and she was also told since I meant
don’t think about it and it was messages
like this that could only help to ensure
that made buried and repressed how she
was feeling so me felt that the only
option she had was to ignore things but
over the months they started to tell me
about the time that the military came to
her she told me about her mother’s fear
they took her father
they took her security and they took her
voice and the only way that may add to
ah she was feeling with to cry on her
own alone at night you see me didn’t
have the words or place to express how
she was feeling
and this created a deep sadness anxiety
and loneliness like my mother no one
spoke to me about the strange men I came
to her home Lee’s father disappeared for
six weeks and she was told to burying
her emotions led to a severe depression
and if there’s one thing that we can
learn from a story it’s not burying and
now we won’t do it we can all worry our
emotions even if we don’t grow up under
a dictatorship and you may believe it’s
May thought that when you bury your
emotions and hold them deep inside that
you’re in control of these emotions in
reality they control us you see painful
emotions always break free and when they
do it affects those around us it affects
our family it affects our friends and it
affects our neighbors and for me there
was no longer a point where she was able
to hold these feelings in and they came
out and deep pain and deep anger and
they continued to come out when she got
married and have her children you see
from me her emotional repression led to
this obsessive need to control her
family meaning to where they were and
when there were people and this was
damaging now I realize it was my job to
help me to develop a vocabulary of
emotions to help her to express her
helped her to communicate this to her
family so that she would be able to heal
these relationships so what happens when
they moved away from the closed doors of
emotional repression towards the doors
of emotional openness well Meg started
to have dinner with her mother every
week and inch by inch she would open up
to her about how she’s been feeling and
she’d also spoken with her children
about their worries and their fears and
although she hasn’t just yet been able
to speak to her father about how she’s
been feeling that’s okay because it’s a
journey that she’s taking step by step
and it’s a journey that you can also
take step by step opening up about our
emotion Gary it can hurt opening up to
emotion possibility possibility of love
intimacy and connection now maybe now
more than ever has a close relationship
with her children and an intimate
connection with her mother so what does
emotional openness look like impactive
well most importantly when you
experience difficult emotions like
jealousy or envy don’t hide from them no
take the gift
look deeply inside ask yourself some
question what makes is feeling better
what makes this feeling worse and when
you feel comfortable
take the gift turn it around and share
it now don’t mean sharing it with all of
your Facebook friends with everybody
here today instead share it with those
that you trust the people that you trust
look after these emotions the doors of
oppression have been closed for over 50
years and emotions have been held tight
but as the doors to democracy open so
too should the doors to emotion bring
emotions to the center of your
relationships motions are our gift open
up to them explore them and then share
them so the next time that somebody asks you how are you what will you share and
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