[Music]
75% of all human beings spend most of
the day looking down that means one in
four of you will miss an opportunity to
meet your spouse one in four of you will
miss an opportunity to meet your
business partner one in four of you will
miss an opportunity to save someone’s
life we’ve stopped seeing one another
every morning an interesting social
paradox plays out all over the world
millions of people board commuter trains
and buses human beings are one of the
most social species on the planet yet
within close proximity of one another
sitting inches away on a train we
routinely ignore each other
actively stopping to look up has become
an accepted behavioral trait over half
of Americans say they would donate a
kidney to a stranger but only 25% will
make eye contact with one yet the simple
act of making eye contact can profoundly
impact a life social psychologists would
say that we physically look down because
we mentally feel that the world is
looking down on us we carry the weight
of our bias for reasons like fear shame
embarrassment sadness or our differences
like gender stigmas or our own
self-importance and some of us have
convinced ourselves that we physically
look down because it’s just how we
multitask we actively seek distractions
like our devices and even our hands and
I believe we do this because we have a
conscious desire to disappear now
clearly there’s reasons we need to look
down like when we practice the art of
self-care when we get a great new pair
of shoes or when we drop something these
days when I drop something it’s a total
nightmare I actually can’t look down
right now
a few months ago I had impromptu
cervical
spinal surgery I point to my throat when
I say that because the entry point to
your cervical spine is through your neck
part of my recovery forces me to look up
and prevents me from looking down I
can’t quite bend lift or twist very well
and I was bedridden and sedentary for
ten weeks sleeping upright at a 90
degree angle in a hard brace thank God
for Alexa so many fingers point so many
trends point a finger at technology as
to why we look down but even when we
don’t have a device in our hands our
bodies still behave as if we do it’s
easy to blame technology but if you
become an observer of life in a way that
I have you’ll see our devices are not
the only things that help us become
invisible this gift of being forced to
look up during my recovery to really see
what’s happening has significantly
Nobel prize-winning scientists Daniel
Kahneman stated that in any given day we
experience approximately 20,000
individual moments these moments last
seconds in which our brain records an
experience now on average we walk
approximately 5,000 steps per day this
means that every step we take in a given
day is an opportunity to experience
roughly four individual moments some of
which can change our lives
I experienced a moment like this last
year during my marathon running a
marathon is a very solitary experience
eye contact seems to be optional in this
sport I was ignorant to think that such
an insular mental process negates the
need for external connection across the
finish line and where I needed it mile
marker 19 every marathoner knows that
once you’ve run 20 miles non-stop things
just start to break down
nothing works Gatorade
beyond say nothing your body literally
starts to break down
it’s where the infamous phrase hitting a
wall was actually derived the place
we’re fighting the mental demons to quit
in the will to continue seem
insurmountable and I was in it deep
every ounce of support from a Fitbit to
cowbells just started to annoy me and
chip away I was quickly running out of
options at around mile 20 within all
that noise I looked up a six year old
little boy came into focus he was quiet
shy a little unsure of himself
unlike anyone else on the street he was
holding a sign that read free high fives
and sheepishly extended his hand
unconsciously I ran over to him took him
up on his offer and brushed his hand it
was like receiving a vitamin shot I
could literally feel the dopamine flood
my body it pushed me and I crossed the
line that connection from another human
being in that moment was more powerful
than any energy bar and this was from a
total stranger that little boy had no
agenda no concern for my political
viewpoint race gender religion he just
extended his hand because he thought I
needed support he forever changed me and
reminded me when our view isn’t burdened
by our differences we can see
possibilities in that moment of feeling
lost and uncertain having one person see
me made all the difference in my ability
to cross the finish line the simple act
of making eye contact releases oxytocin
gives us a boost giving someone a
high-five releases dopamine gives us a
high and kills pain smiling increases
endorphins reduces stress these are all
simple free yet powerful social signals
that not all
we trigger this incredible brain
activity but also creates inclusion for
students a sense of inclusion is
associated with a higher GPA for adults
inclusion is the number one reason
employees choose to stay at their jobs
and the Journal of Psychological Science
found that a sense of inclusion can come
from something as simple as eye contact
from a stranger yet still the vast
majority of us will actively choose to
look down when we give power to our bias
and look down we become blind to moments
of possibility I started to have
conversations and conduct research
within populations who self-identify
with isolation from looking down
recovering addicts inmates at
correctional facilities deployed
military and even high school and
college freshmen those groups who have
stopped being seen I was teaching a
class at Columbia University and two of
the questions I asked of the students
were one when someone you know needs
help how do you help them and two when
someone you don’t know needs help do you
one of his students raised his hand and
he said I actually helped someone I
didn’t know
and it forever changed my life he shared
this story he said he and his friends
were walking out of school one day in
the suburbs of Connecticut where they’re
from they’ve walked down that road
countless times as they grew up together
went to grade school together but this
time it was different they weren’t alone
a little boy was sitting on the curb by
himself he was described to me as a bit
of a loner a Burnout they could tell he
was going through something but what
they didn’t know they could just tell
from afar the boys gave each other a
look you know that look where everyone
is thinking the same thing without
saying a word they walked over to the
little boy and the student had the
courage to say the first words he said
hey
whatever it is it’s okay it’ll be over
soon the boy stopped and looked up he
just stared speechless they gave him a
pat on the back and a high-five to break
him out of it and change the mood he
nodded they walked away the next day in
school that boy on the curb bravely
walked over to their table in the
cafeteria and he said hey I just wanted
to say thanks for coming over to me
yesterday
oh man it’s okay the boys replied no you
don’t understand
when you guys came over I was
contemplating suicide because of you
well I didn’t do it the boys looked up
and just stared this time they were
speechless in a world where 1 in 10 boys
will become depressed by the time
they’re 14 and 4 girls 1 in 4 the
Journal of adolescents found that when
teens develop what they call pro-social
behaviors compassion sharing caring
towards strangers simply looking up and
seeing someone they otherwise wouldn’t
developed higher self esteem within 1
year just being seen illuminates human
potential choosing to stay in your job
choosing to stay on this earth choosing
to love yourself
these greatest gifts begin with the
smallest moment these moments lasts
seconds and then they’re gone what if we
took 5 seconds out of our day to
recognize another person or another
thing we otherwise wouldn’t a colleague
at work a person on your commute someone
when you walk out of the door here today
a simple look a smile an extension of
your hand 5 seconds to let someone or
something know I
see you when I started this journey to
unlock the power that exists in our
hands my own hand stopped working and
eventually my entire arm what I
initially thought was a hand injury
ended up being my cervical spine
neurological damage prompted the need
for immediate surgery and in a matter of
days my view has changed but I am
blessed my injury thankfully will heal
I’ll be able to look down I’m choosing
not to these moments are all around us
and there is one that will be yours that
six-year-old little boy won’t always be
standing on the curb holding a sign
waiting for us accepting the standard of
looking down is counter to the time we
live in we live in a time to be visible
and we have a choice the need to
inoculate ourselves from this cultural
epidemic is right now thank you you
75% of all human beings spend most of
the day looking down that means one in
four of you will miss an opportunity to
meet your spouse one in four of you will
miss an opportunity to meet your
business partner one in four of you will
miss an opportunity to save someone’s
life we’ve stopped seeing one another
every morning an interesting social
paradox plays out all over the world
millions of people board commuter trains
and buses human beings are one of the
most social species on the planet yet
within close proximity of one another
sitting inches away on a train we
routinely ignore each other
actively stopping to look up has become
an accepted behavioral trait over half
of Americans say they would donate a
kidney to a stranger but only 25% will
make eye contact with one yet the simple
act of making eye contact can profoundly
impact a life social psychologists would
say that we physically look down because
we mentally feel that the world is
looking down on us we carry the weight
of our bias for reasons like fear shame
embarrassment sadness or our differences
like gender stigmas or our own
self-importance and some of us have
convinced ourselves that we physically
look down because it’s just how we
multitask we actively seek distractions
like our devices and even our hands and
I believe we do this because we have a
conscious desire to disappear now
clearly there’s reasons we need to look
down like when we practice the art of
self-care when we get a great new pair
of shoes or when we drop something these
days when I drop something it’s a total
nightmare I actually can’t look down
right now
a few months ago I had impromptu
cervical
spinal surgery I point to my throat when
I say that because the entry point to
your cervical spine is through your neck
part of my recovery forces me to look up
and prevents me from looking down I
can’t quite bend lift or twist very well
and I was bedridden and sedentary for
ten weeks sleeping upright at a 90
degree angle in a hard brace thank God
for Alexa so many fingers point so many
trends point a finger at technology as
to why we look down but even when we
don’t have a device in our hands our
bodies still behave as if we do it’s
easy to blame technology but if you
become an observer of life in a way that
I have you’ll see our devices are not
the only things that help us become
invisible this gift of being forced to
look up during my recovery to really see
what’s happening has significantly
Nobel prize-winning scientists Daniel
Kahneman stated that in any given day we
experience approximately 20,000
individual moments these moments last
seconds in which our brain records an
experience now on average we walk
approximately 5,000 steps per day this
means that every step we take in a given
day is an opportunity to experience
roughly four individual moments some of
which can change our lives
I experienced a moment like this last
year during my marathon running a
marathon is a very solitary experience
eye contact seems to be optional in this
sport I was ignorant to think that such
an insular mental process negates the
need for external connection across the
finish line and where I needed it mile
marker 19 every marathoner knows that
once you’ve run 20 miles non-stop things
just start to break down
nothing works Gatorade
beyond say nothing your body literally
starts to break down
it’s where the infamous phrase hitting a
wall was actually derived the place
we’re fighting the mental demons to quit
in the will to continue seem
insurmountable and I was in it deep
every ounce of support from a Fitbit to
cowbells just started to annoy me and
chip away I was quickly running out of
options at around mile 20 within all
that noise I looked up a six year old
little boy came into focus he was quiet
shy a little unsure of himself
unlike anyone else on the street he was
holding a sign that read free high fives
and sheepishly extended his hand
unconsciously I ran over to him took him
up on his offer and brushed his hand it
was like receiving a vitamin shot I
could literally feel the dopamine flood
my body it pushed me and I crossed the
line that connection from another human
being in that moment was more powerful
than any energy bar and this was from a
total stranger that little boy had no
agenda no concern for my political
viewpoint race gender religion he just
extended his hand because he thought I
needed support he forever changed me and
reminded me when our view isn’t burdened
by our differences we can see
possibilities in that moment of feeling
lost and uncertain having one person see
me made all the difference in my ability
to cross the finish line the simple act
of making eye contact releases oxytocin
gives us a boost giving someone a
high-five releases dopamine gives us a
high and kills pain smiling increases
endorphins reduces stress these are all
simple free yet powerful social signals
that not all
we trigger this incredible brain
activity but also creates inclusion for
students a sense of inclusion is
associated with a higher GPA for adults
inclusion is the number one reason
employees choose to stay at their jobs
and the Journal of Psychological Science
found that a sense of inclusion can come
from something as simple as eye contact
from a stranger yet still the vast
majority of us will actively choose to
look down when we give power to our bias
and look down we become blind to moments
of possibility I started to have
conversations and conduct research
within populations who self-identify
with isolation from looking down
recovering addicts inmates at
correctional facilities deployed
military and even high school and
college freshmen those groups who have
stopped being seen I was teaching a
class at Columbia University and two of
the questions I asked of the students
were one when someone you know needs
help how do you help them and two when
someone you don’t know needs help do you
one of his students raised his hand and
he said I actually helped someone I
didn’t know
and it forever changed my life he shared
this story he said he and his friends
were walking out of school one day in
the suburbs of Connecticut where they’re
from they’ve walked down that road
countless times as they grew up together
went to grade school together but this
time it was different they weren’t alone
a little boy was sitting on the curb by
himself he was described to me as a bit
of a loner a Burnout they could tell he
was going through something but what
they didn’t know they could just tell
from afar the boys gave each other a
look you know that look where everyone
is thinking the same thing without
saying a word they walked over to the
little boy and the student had the
courage to say the first words he said
hey
whatever it is it’s okay it’ll be over
soon the boy stopped and looked up he
just stared speechless they gave him a
pat on the back and a high-five to break
him out of it and change the mood he
nodded they walked away the next day in
school that boy on the curb bravely
walked over to their table in the
cafeteria and he said hey I just wanted
to say thanks for coming over to me
yesterday
oh man it’s okay the boys replied no you
don’t understand
when you guys came over I was
contemplating suicide because of you
well I didn’t do it the boys looked up
and just stared this time they were
speechless in a world where 1 in 10 boys
will become depressed by the time
they’re 14 and 4 girls 1 in 4 the
Journal of adolescents found that when
teens develop what they call pro-social
behaviors compassion sharing caring
towards strangers simply looking up and
seeing someone they otherwise wouldn’t
developed higher self esteem within 1
year just being seen illuminates human
potential choosing to stay in your job
choosing to stay on this earth choosing
to love yourself
these greatest gifts begin with the
smallest moment these moments lasts
seconds and then they’re gone what if we
took 5 seconds out of our day to
recognize another person or another
thing we otherwise wouldn’t a colleague
at work a person on your commute someone
when you walk out of the door here today
a simple look a smile an extension of
your hand 5 seconds to let someone or
something know I
see you when I started this journey to
unlock the power that exists in our
hands my own hand stopped working and
eventually my entire arm what I
initially thought was a hand injury
ended up being my cervical spine
neurological damage prompted the need
for immediate surgery and in a matter of
days my view has changed but I am
blessed my injury thankfully will heal
I’ll be able to look down I’m choosing
not to these moments are all around us
and there is one that will be yours that
six-year-old little boy won’t always be
standing on the curb holding a sign
waiting for us accepting the standard of
looking down is counter to the time we
live in we live in a time to be visible
and we have a choice the need to
inoculate ourselves from this cultural
epidemic is right now thank you you
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