hello everyone I would like us to begin
with a short exercise so can everybody
place their hands like this reach out
your hands
thank you and I will count to three and
when I say three I want you to clap your
hands okay one two three so I did this
to show you that we don’t always do as
other people tell us to do we rather do
as other people do and this is important
when it comes to creating well-being in
ourselves and in others I’m a
psychologist and I train organizations
teams and individuals in creating
happiness and well-being and a couple of
years back I co-authored a book on the
science of happiness but when the book
was published I was actually in the
middle of a life crisis I’ve just broken
up with the person who I thought I’d
spend my life with I had no place to
live and no job and I think this is a
very common human experience we all face
problems we end up in crisis sometimes
and we struggle but at the same time I
think most of us we long for that other
kind of life that entails meaning and
connection and happiness but it’s kind
of difficult to live this life to always
be there in this happy place and today I
want to show you why your brain is not
always on your side when it comes to
creating happiness but also what we can
do to counter this and it’s not going to
be by just positive thinking
this takes positive action because
happiness is a skill we all can train
and work on I want this to start here
how it’s not just about positive
thinking
so let’s begin with this have you ever
found yourself in a situation where
you’re really worried about something
and you kept worrying even though you
knew that worrying won’t change the
situation or help the situation in any
way and nevertheless you just kept on
worrying hands up right we are all doing
this and if we could have total mind
power and just switched over toward
these happy thoughts
we just have done that and get on with
our lives but that doesn’t really happen
does it and did you know that about half
of the time that you’ve been listening
to this speech your mind has probably
been wandering off thinking about other
things according to a study by Daniel
Gilbert and Matthew Killingsworth our
minds wander forty-six point nine
percent of the time we spend awake so
our thoughts are automatic they have a
life of their own and to create
happiness by just control positive
thinking I think it’s hard if not even
possible impossible and I think it’s
time that we start talking more about
this how can we take positive action
actually making the change in our lives
because if I would ask you to keep your
focus on your breath don’t think about
anything else for five minutes
I doubt that anyone in this room would
be able to do that but if I would ask
you to please raise your hand like this
for five minutes I think we all would be
better able to achieve this so it’s
really difficult to control our thoughts
and we have a better chance at
controlling our actions our behavior
therefore well-being is better built by
positive action and not positive
thinking also we tend to look at
ourselves as if we’re these object
rational beings and that perceived
situations in this objective manner and
we process information almost like a
computer I just take information in but
in reality we’re far from objective and
that’s actually a good thing because if
we would truly be able to process and
perceive reality in all its nuanced
complexity over here would be rather
lost it would be an overwhelming
experience so therefore our brain have
evolved several cognitive biases that
helps us categorize and prioritize and
sort information making it more easy for
us to navigate but these cognitive
biases this sorting and prioritizing is
really affecting how we perceive life
how we perceive different situations and
I’d like us to explore this further in a
little thought experiment so I invite
you all to think back at the last time
that you had evaluated conversation with
your boss or manager and I’m quite sure
that you got to hear a lot of good
things things like how you contribute to
the workplace but I’m also quite sure
that you got to hear something that you
can improve with yourself with your
performance and once you leave this
conversation what do you think that your
brain thinks is the most prioritized
information all the things that you do
really good or the one thing that you
should be improving well if you’re
somewhat like me it would definitely be
the latter and this doesn’t really have
anything to do with how my brain works
this is actually a pattern that’s been
shown among people for example serious
are marbella is a professor at Harvard
Business School she did a diary study
where she got to read people’s Diaries
to explore how they experience everyday
life and she saw a pattern that the
negative effect of a setback was more
than twice as strong as the positive
effects of a success and the same thing
goes with money that we feel way worse
about losing an amount of money than we
feel happy about gaining the same amount
and if you would receive a compliment
from a co-worker and then a complaint
from another co-worker these two
comments don’t neutralize each other the
complaint would definitely leave a
stronger emotional mark so now we need
to ask ourselves why why do we carry
this emotional asymmetry why do we have
this preparedness to experience
unpleasant and negative emotions and to
understand that we need to understand
the context the environment where our
brain has been evolving for so many
years today several studies say that we
have evolved a negativity bias which
helps our attention to be drawn to
unpleasant or possibly threatening
information and this was really good
back then and there when we were at the
Savannah fighting for survival every day
but today here and now this definitely
affects how we perceive our life how we
perceive our relations our workplace our
own performance and ourselves so to
simplify this a bit one could almost say
that your brain is concerned that you
survive throughout this day it’s less
concerned that you’re a happy survivor
so by now we can understand that it’s
not strange that all of us sometimes
feel anxious or tense are we worried in
one sense we were built for this but
most of us we long for this other kind
of life with the meaning and the
connection and the happiness and I’m not
sure that we can have
one thing without the other but there
are definitely things and ways how we
can cultivate happiness and build
well-being but this comes with good news
and bad the good news is that happiness
is not something you find outside of
yourself and it’s not something you have
or don’t have it’s a skill that we all
can work on but the problem is that we
just don’t do it and this definitely
applies for myself this is the worst
part of having written a book on
happiness because whenever I’m having a
bad day there’s always someone who can
do like haven’t you read your own book
Katerina but you should know better
so I’ve learned that not even experts on
happiness and knows how to turn
knowledge into action and this is one of
the reasons why me and a friend and we
started a psychological gym where
organizations and the teams and
individuals could come and train these
skills in order to create more happiness
and well-being because we want to make
psychological training as common as
physical training because today we know
so many things about how to eat properly
and how to exercise to sustain physical
health but what would be the
psychological version of a green
smoothie or of doing 50 situps
is there really such a thing and I would
say yes definitely there’s a lot of
different exercises and things we can do
building healthy habits for ourselves
and I would like to present an example
of this so once you finished listening
to this pitch when you’re leaving this
room later tonight I’d like you to bring
out your smartphone and take a kind
appreciative gratitude text to someone
that you care for and maybe you can just
notice how that fits and this is a good
example of an exercise that I often do
with leaders and teams and just a couple
of weeks back I did this at a two-day
leader
conference and later I found out that
one of the participants had texted his
wife writing I love you very very very
much which made the wife think what are
you doing at that Leadership Conference
and it just tests texting one person at
one time it won’t change the world in
any way but turning this into a healthy
habit over time can have a large impact
and to dedicate this habit to caring for
your relationships might be one of the
most powerful actions that you can take
when it comes to happiness so this might
be the green smoothie that you’ve all
been waiting for according to several
studies having functioning relationships
is as important if not even more
important as exercising well and having
a good diet and this can even help us
live longer in a study from Harvard
University which began already back in
1938 researchers followed over 700
people to understand what it is that
makes us flourish as people so they
followed these participants for decades
and in 2012 the results came the
researchers found that happiness doesn’t
come from wealth it doesn’t come from
fame or working hard
it comes from relationships and it’s not
about the number of friends that you
have or whether or not you’re in a
committed relationship with a partner
they found that it’s the quality of the
relationship that counts being able to
be vulnerable listening and sharing
what’s close to your heart that’s what
matters and by now we know that forming
good healthy habits when it comes to
physical training or having a good diet
it takes dedication it takes commitment
and I think we should approach
psychological habits in the same way and
especially when it comes to
relationships so by now we know that the
brain has this tendency to highlight the
negative and that this is really tricky
to revoke just by positive thinking
it takes positive action but some
actions are more powerful than others
when it comes to happiness and investing
your time and heart into the
relationships around you no matter if
it’s at work or with neighbors or with
family or friends this might be one of
the most powerful things that you can do
for yourself and I’d like us to do this
one more time so can everyone reach out
their hands and I’m gonna count to three
and when I say three I want you to clap
your hands okay one two three yay so we
learn by watching others behavior you’ve
just seen me do this two times and
already so many people change their
behavior so the more you can turn this
talk into action by being more
understanding and caring not just
towards others but also towards yourself
I think that others will follow your
example and do as you do and the people
outside of this building they won’t know
what just happened they won’t know what
changed but we know that it was here in
this talk that everything started thank you
with a short exercise so can everybody
place their hands like this reach out
your hands
thank you and I will count to three and
when I say three I want you to clap your
hands okay one two three so I did this
to show you that we don’t always do as
other people tell us to do we rather do
as other people do and this is important
when it comes to creating well-being in
ourselves and in others I’m a
psychologist and I train organizations
teams and individuals in creating
happiness and well-being and a couple of
years back I co-authored a book on the
science of happiness but when the book
was published I was actually in the
middle of a life crisis I’ve just broken
up with the person who I thought I’d
spend my life with I had no place to
live and no job and I think this is a
very common human experience we all face
problems we end up in crisis sometimes
and we struggle but at the same time I
think most of us we long for that other
kind of life that entails meaning and
connection and happiness but it’s kind
of difficult to live this life to always
be there in this happy place and today I
want to show you why your brain is not
always on your side when it comes to
creating happiness but also what we can
do to counter this and it’s not going to
be by just positive thinking
this takes positive action because
happiness is a skill we all can train
and work on I want this to start here
how it’s not just about positive
thinking
so let’s begin with this have you ever
found yourself in a situation where
you’re really worried about something
and you kept worrying even though you
knew that worrying won’t change the
situation or help the situation in any
way and nevertheless you just kept on
worrying hands up right we are all doing
this and if we could have total mind
power and just switched over toward
these happy thoughts
we just have done that and get on with
our lives but that doesn’t really happen
does it and did you know that about half
of the time that you’ve been listening
to this speech your mind has probably
been wandering off thinking about other
things according to a study by Daniel
Gilbert and Matthew Killingsworth our
minds wander forty-six point nine
percent of the time we spend awake so
our thoughts are automatic they have a
life of their own and to create
happiness by just control positive
thinking I think it’s hard if not even
possible impossible and I think it’s
time that we start talking more about
this how can we take positive action
actually making the change in our lives
because if I would ask you to keep your
focus on your breath don’t think about
anything else for five minutes
I doubt that anyone in this room would
be able to do that but if I would ask
you to please raise your hand like this
for five minutes I think we all would be
better able to achieve this so it’s
really difficult to control our thoughts
and we have a better chance at
controlling our actions our behavior
therefore well-being is better built by
positive action and not positive
thinking also we tend to look at
ourselves as if we’re these object
rational beings and that perceived
situations in this objective manner and
we process information almost like a
computer I just take information in but
in reality we’re far from objective and
that’s actually a good thing because if
we would truly be able to process and
perceive reality in all its nuanced
complexity over here would be rather
lost it would be an overwhelming
experience so therefore our brain have
evolved several cognitive biases that
helps us categorize and prioritize and
sort information making it more easy for
us to navigate but these cognitive
biases this sorting and prioritizing is
really affecting how we perceive life
how we perceive different situations and
I’d like us to explore this further in a
little thought experiment so I invite
you all to think back at the last time
that you had evaluated conversation with
your boss or manager and I’m quite sure
that you got to hear a lot of good
things things like how you contribute to
the workplace but I’m also quite sure
that you got to hear something that you
can improve with yourself with your
performance and once you leave this
conversation what do you think that your
brain thinks is the most prioritized
information all the things that you do
really good or the one thing that you
should be improving well if you’re
somewhat like me it would definitely be
the latter and this doesn’t really have
anything to do with how my brain works
this is actually a pattern that’s been
shown among people for example serious
are marbella is a professor at Harvard
Business School she did a diary study
where she got to read people’s Diaries
to explore how they experience everyday
life and she saw a pattern that the
negative effect of a setback was more
than twice as strong as the positive
effects of a success and the same thing
goes with money that we feel way worse
about losing an amount of money than we
feel happy about gaining the same amount
and if you would receive a compliment
from a co-worker and then a complaint
from another co-worker these two
comments don’t neutralize each other the
complaint would definitely leave a
stronger emotional mark so now we need
to ask ourselves why why do we carry
this emotional asymmetry why do we have
this preparedness to experience
unpleasant and negative emotions and to
understand that we need to understand
the context the environment where our
brain has been evolving for so many
years today several studies say that we
have evolved a negativity bias which
helps our attention to be drawn to
unpleasant or possibly threatening
information and this was really good
back then and there when we were at the
Savannah fighting for survival every day
but today here and now this definitely
affects how we perceive our life how we
perceive our relations our workplace our
own performance and ourselves so to
simplify this a bit one could almost say
that your brain is concerned that you
survive throughout this day it’s less
concerned that you’re a happy survivor
so by now we can understand that it’s
not strange that all of us sometimes
feel anxious or tense are we worried in
one sense we were built for this but
most of us we long for this other kind
of life with the meaning and the
connection and the happiness and I’m not
sure that we can have
one thing without the other but there
are definitely things and ways how we
can cultivate happiness and build
well-being but this comes with good news
and bad the good news is that happiness
is not something you find outside of
yourself and it’s not something you have
or don’t have it’s a skill that we all
can work on but the problem is that we
just don’t do it and this definitely
applies for myself this is the worst
part of having written a book on
happiness because whenever I’m having a
bad day there’s always someone who can
do like haven’t you read your own book
Katerina but you should know better
so I’ve learned that not even experts on
happiness and knows how to turn
knowledge into action and this is one of
the reasons why me and a friend and we
started a psychological gym where
organizations and the teams and
individuals could come and train these
skills in order to create more happiness
and well-being because we want to make
psychological training as common as
physical training because today we know
so many things about how to eat properly
and how to exercise to sustain physical
health but what would be the
psychological version of a green
smoothie or of doing 50 situps
is there really such a thing and I would
say yes definitely there’s a lot of
different exercises and things we can do
building healthy habits for ourselves
and I would like to present an example
of this so once you finished listening
to this pitch when you’re leaving this
room later tonight I’d like you to bring
out your smartphone and take a kind
appreciative gratitude text to someone
that you care for and maybe you can just
notice how that fits and this is a good
example of an exercise that I often do
with leaders and teams and just a couple
of weeks back I did this at a two-day
leader
conference and later I found out that
one of the participants had texted his
wife writing I love you very very very
much which made the wife think what are
you doing at that Leadership Conference
and it just tests texting one person at
one time it won’t change the world in
any way but turning this into a healthy
habit over time can have a large impact
and to dedicate this habit to caring for
your relationships might be one of the
most powerful actions that you can take
when it comes to happiness so this might
be the green smoothie that you’ve all
been waiting for according to several
studies having functioning relationships
is as important if not even more
important as exercising well and having
a good diet and this can even help us
live longer in a study from Harvard
University which began already back in
1938 researchers followed over 700
people to understand what it is that
makes us flourish as people so they
followed these participants for decades
and in 2012 the results came the
researchers found that happiness doesn’t
come from wealth it doesn’t come from
fame or working hard
it comes from relationships and it’s not
about the number of friends that you
have or whether or not you’re in a
committed relationship with a partner
they found that it’s the quality of the
relationship that counts being able to
be vulnerable listening and sharing
what’s close to your heart that’s what
matters and by now we know that forming
good healthy habits when it comes to
physical training or having a good diet
it takes dedication it takes commitment
and I think we should approach
psychological habits in the same way and
especially when it comes to
relationships so by now we know that the
brain has this tendency to highlight the
negative and that this is really tricky
to revoke just by positive thinking
it takes positive action but some
actions are more powerful than others
when it comes to happiness and investing
your time and heart into the
relationships around you no matter if
it’s at work or with neighbors or with
family or friends this might be one of
the most powerful things that you can do
for yourself and I’d like us to do this
one more time so can everyone reach out
their hands and I’m gonna count to three
and when I say three I want you to clap
your hands okay one two three yay so we
learn by watching others behavior you’ve
just seen me do this two times and
already so many people change their
behavior so the more you can turn this
talk into action by being more
understanding and caring not just
towards others but also towards yourself
I think that others will follow your
example and do as you do and the people
outside of this building they won’t know
what just happened they won’t know what
changed but we know that it was here in
this talk that everything started thank you
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