safely call myself a bit of an expert
but this is no special or unique
achievement though because life provides
all of us with a rich and varied albeit
unwanted pain training curriculum so by
the time you reach my tender young age
chances are you’ve been well trained we
encounter pain early in life first
physical pain to things like a
vaccination a doctor’s visit a dentist
visit we fall off our bike
later we strain a muscle we break a bone
we get some surgery learning all along
mental pain also enters a life quite
early as we witness or experience things
like failure blame and shame even
bullying and inevitably also the loss
loss of some people we love so in effect
Peavey’s but then why is it if we’re all
pb’s that our best way and often only
way of dealing with pain seems to be
avoidance pain is that big elephant that
lives in most rooms of our life and that
we prefer to ignore or suppress no
wonder then that the business of pain
suppression is big business in 2015
alone over 300 million prescriptions for
painkillers were written in the world
for a total cost of 24 billion u.s.
dollars making painkillers the second
most prescribed class of medicines after
anti-cancer drugs and strikingly 95% of
that consumption is in the United States
and Europe with the u.s. taking the vast
majority so clearly those of us who can
afford it are trying to buy our way out
of pain and I’m not even mentioning
other things like illegal or non
prescription drugs or alcohol I am here
today to talk about pain because I
believe that avoidance pain is not the
only way forward in fact I believe
there’s huge value in understanding your
pain and I can tell you from experience
that that understanding can lead to less
suffering and more happiness and to
start that journey we need to start when
in our life we had no pain and for most
of us that’s before birth maybe you can
still vaguely remember or at least
imagine that oceanic feeling of warmth
and unity with your mother suspended in
the now no worries dimmed light muffled
sounds her heartbeat no worry no needs
no desire and then we get born suddenly
the lights are very bright the sounds
harsh it’s cold we need to fight for air
and we get welcomed by a slab who
wouldn’t cry for that
but although birth is the biggest trauma
and first trauma for many of us birth to
something else it introduces the notion
of time because birth creates a past a
time when we were still in there and
when all was still good then good now
not so sure because in the now we find
things that we like and dislike and so a
second dimension enters our life and
that’s the dimension of likability and
very soon clever as we are we also find
out that we can predict things before
they happen nice or not nice we hear the
water running and we get picked up
that’s above we get taken by a mom into
that special sofa hmm feeding time
and so we discover the future and with
the future in the past our notion of
time becomes complete now our ability to
learn from the past to predict the
future is of course uniquely human and
it is what has allowed our species to
arrive to where we are today and so from
birth our mind is programmed to go and
explore these four quadrants as we
search our way into life but there’s one
problem
each of these quadrants these four
quadrants can also become a tremendous
source of pain to us here’s how if I
like something really in the past and I
don’t have it anymore today I will feel
the pain of loss and if you ever had to
lose somebody that you loved you will
know what I mean
something we like in the future and
don’t yet have can cause the burning
pain of desire something we didn’t like
in the past can still hurt us today to
anger if that anger is directed to
others it’s blame if it’s directed to
ourselves it’s the pain of guilt and
last but not least if we see in our
future things coming our way that we
really don’t want that gives us that
deep pain of fear so the pain we feel
today is not from the now in fact most
of it comes from these four quadrants
and it’s created in and by our minds but
be clear that does not make the pain any
less real as I will show you with this
personal example meet my right foot
about thirty years ago I had some minor
surgery on this foot and very soon after
I discovered
something was wrong everything looked
okay from the outside but inside I was
increasingly feeling pain totally
unpredictable in timing intensity and
duration sometimes a flash for a second
sometimes agony four days in a row
medical specialists were unable to help
what I told me is so sorry it happens
sometimes after surgery and we don’t
know why there’s nothing we can do about
it really except try some pain
medication but in essence you will have
to learn to live with this so easy said
so difficult to do because that pain
could really make my life so miserable
to the point of me making the life
miserable of those around me and so for
well over two decades that pain became
my unwanted irregular and pleasant
companion in life until I learned about
these four quadrants and realized that
in fact most of my suffering was created
by me in my minds here’s how I would
feel that’s very specific tingling
sensation coming up in my foot and I
would immediately start adding thoughts
like oh no I hope it’s not going to be
as bad as last time fear if only I had
never agreed to that surgery guilt or at
least had a better surgeon blame I so
much missed the time before the surgery
desire
I need a painkiller I read it and I need
it now desire so I was indeed feeling
some pain in the present but I was
adding layers and layers of paint from
these four quadrants like a real storm
of suffering now you can take something
that causes you pain to replace my foot
and start exploring in your mind how
much of it is really in the now and how
much of it is created by my
that adds on these layers maybe you
remember the first time you got into a
car hard to drive we do this the whole
time
this mechanism actually increases our
pain and it is so powerful that it can
maintain the pain even after the
original stimulus is gone just think of
people who returned from war or people
who survived another big trauma or a
very serious illness and even less
dramatic effects can put this mechanism
in motion just think about how many
family relationships are not considered
forever painful years and years after
something happened so when you are
driving to that meeting or reading your
boss’s email or preparing for that exam
how much it of it is really in the now
and how much of it is pain that your
mind
unconsciously injects from this four
quadrant as it adds lost anger desire
and fear so I realized I needed to do
something I needed to stay in the now
much more I needed my mind to train
myself to at least not take pain from
the past and future to augment it and
this is how I discovered mindfulness
mindfulness is defined as a mental state
which is achieved by focusing one’s
awareness on the present moment while
very calmly acknowledging and accepting
one’s feelings thoughts and bodily
sensations very rigorous scientific
research shows that mindfulness quite
consistently
and significantly alleviate suffering
across a wide range of medical
conditions and to give you just one
example mindfulness training in women
with breast cancer decreases their
anxiety their depression their fear of
recurrence and their fatigue while at
the same
I’m improving their emotional well-being
their physical functioning and even
their physical health so I realized this
is what I want and of course I want it
now desire remember but as soon as I
started I learned that Oh also this path
is not going to be without pain because
like every learning I would have to go
to four stages and the action to get to
the next stage will inevitably involve a
bit of pain so here it is learning
starts when we become aware through an
experience or an insight of something we
either don’t know or are not able to do
before this inside we are unaware in
competence and we don’t mind becoming
aware of an incompetence is painful and
it’s one of the reasons we don’t like
feedback
remember how you downloaded that program
and then found out you couldn’t do
anything with it or when you got in that
car to drive the first time and you
found out you didn’t know how to work
the gears or you were lost in a strange
city and we’re not able to ask for
directions in the local language painful
right well in the same way becoming
aware of my lack of mindfulness was
actually quite painful now training
takes us to the next level with effort
sometimes painful effort time and good
teachers we can slowly begin to acquire
the new skill we learn to drive we learn
the language and after a while with
sustained effort we actually can become
quite good at it as long as we keep our
mind focused on the task now we are
competent aware we are competent as long
as we are aware mindfulness training
consists of meditation there are still
some people who think that meditation is
trying to learn to think about nothing
but that’s not true meditation is
the art of trying to bring your mind to
focus on a single task in the present by
focusing on something in it which can be
a breath a candle a sound whatever and
as your mind start spending more time in
the present what your mind pulls out is
pain from those four quadrants goes away
and then we become aware competence and
which sustained practice over time we
can become unaware competent which is
the last stage what that means is that
most of you drove your car here if you
drove without really thinking about
shifting gears you speak that language
quite fluently now you know how to use
your iPad or whatever so we have
integrated the skill to the point that
it becomes natural now what’s important
is that all learning has to go to this
stage and the inside the training and
also the practice can be quite painful
it requires effort and that is why all
training is inherently painful but the
good news is that as you get better the
pain of the learning will decrease
that’s the good news and you will feel
less pain and more happiness and that
brings us to the last topic which is
happiness because what is happiness most
people will agree that happiness is the
highest value we seek in life which
means we can mathematically define it as
a value which is the outcome we want
divided by the cost to get that outcome
right clearly pain is on the cost side
and that works mathematically wonderful
because as the pain go up so the value
goes down but at the same time we all
know that that’s not the entire picture
sometimes something that took us effort
or pain is more valuable we value it
higher that is only when the pain adds
meaning to the outcome
on top of the ratio and so this is a
very important insight which also works
in business by the way pain that
increases suffering reduces value pain
that adds meaning increases value and so
what we see in our pain meaning or
suffering is probably what makes
happiness so very deeply deeply personal
so what does it all mean well first I
hope that I have convinced you that
there is value in talking about pain let
us stop this obsession to avoid pain and
let us stop the illusion that life
learning and Happiness can ever be
without pain because that awareness is
the first step towards healing towards
out of pain secondly let us learn and
teach about the way out of pain just
imagine that we would offer mindfulness
training and meditation early on in life
how much less suffering would it be
around us and even in the world and
thirdly let’s be clear the road to less
pain is entirely doable but it’s not
without pain anybody trying to tell you
so that is different it’s probably
trying to sell you something now
understanding my pain and finding the
way out has really changed my life of
course I still experience pain from time
to time as also my foot keeps reminding
me that I’m still alive but I do suffer
a lot less now so my pain elephant-like
yours has not gone away and never will
but we get along much better now to the
point that I can sometimes ride it I wish you the same thank you