hi I’m Natalie and I’m a recovering
perfectionist growing up I used to be a
very type A personality I was involved
in just about everything that I could be
I was a straight-a student since second
grade since that one time I got to be in
gym and I had above a 4.0 GPA all
through high school I was a dancer in
color guard and on dance team and I just
extended myself to everything that I
possibly could
I’m the co-president of the National
Honor Society I’m part of the National
Art Honor Society and I’m in most of the
clubs in this school it seems great
until you lose yourself I got caught up
in a whirlwind of all these different
activities and expectations and resume
builders high schoolers these days are
taught that more equates better and we
all want to do more and be more in this
world and this is all great until you
stop taking care of yourself and that’s
when I developed an eating disorder I
always thought that anorexia was
reserved for the Karen Carpenter’s of
the world the ones who are emaciated and
literally on their deathbed but I was
painfully wrong I thought that in this
spinning whirlwind that was my crazy and
awesome life that I needed to gain
control over something and for me that
was my body and what I ate and I saw all
these media messages about the perfect
diet and how to work out to get the flat
abs and
the gap of your dreams and I got caught
up in it and it slowly became obsessive
and I wanted it to be perfect just like
everything else and it slowly started to
deteriorate my life and I became a shell
of the girl that I used to be and I was
miserable and I needed to seek treatment
so I left school for 12 weeks and during
my junior year in order to get better
and it was the hardest thing that I’ve
ever done i sat in the office of my
therapist and I was like how can I leave
school how can I leave dance
you’re asking me to not move you’re
asking me to sit on the couch and eat
Cheetos like how am I supposed to do
this and they were like Natalie you’re
so sick you need to take a break and so
reluctantly I did and it saved my life
and after 12 weeks I was physically
better enough to come back to school and
devote myself to my academics again but
I was still struggling mentally and I
slowly relapsed and it we knew that I
was going to need to go to treatment
again but this time it was a longer
process I spent my summer not long ago
in Miami and it was beautiful but it was
also terrible I was in a residential
treatment center with six other girls
and we were asked to do so much and so
little at the same time every day we
woke up and we ate breakfast and then we
had therapy and then we had a morning
snack and then we had more therapy or
some other type of group exercise and
then we had lunch and then we did some
crying and some screaming into pillows
and then
we had another snack and then we had
yoga and then we had dinner and then we
went back to our town house and hung out
and then we had to eat another snack and
then we went to bed and this was every
day for almost two and a half months and
it was exhausting
but it was exhausting because I for the
first time in years I had to reflect on
myself and I was wondering I’m like how
am I ever going to get out of this
because I need to be perfect I can’t
walk around and have bigger legs and
stomach rolls and what is going to
happen like I can’t do that I’d rather
be dead and I had to come to the
realization that it wasn’t my body that
was the problem it wasn’t my eating
habit that were the problem it was my
perfectionism so what is perfectionism
it’s the refusal to accept any standard
short of perfection for a while I even
denied that I was a perfectionist I
would say something along the lines of I
have a 94 in calc BC right now how could
I be a perfectionist I’m not even trying
that hard and just that saying shows how
deeply ingrained and ridiculous it is
everyone in our society seems to hold
themselves to these impossibly high
standards and we believe that our
imperfections are our fault we’re taught
to think that our frizzy hair or low IQ
or bad test grades or wrinkled clothes
are something that we are responsible
for fixing on a daily basis and that’s
wrong
you can’t fix something that you were
born with it’s different from the rest
of society it’s something that you have
to grow with and learn with and turn
into your life rather than trying to run
away from it and that’s when the nasty a
word comes in
not that one but this one acceptance
acceptance is a long process that you
have to work on pretty much forever I
mean I am still accepting who I am and
where I am and when you deal with
perfectionism or extremely high
standards you have to work on accepting
your flaws just as much as I do but
there I have five steps to combating
perfectionism and turning your life into
something that’s meaningful and has
happiness in it number one
remove the all-or-nothing mindset this
an example of this is if I don’t go to
an Ivy League college I’m dumb that’s
ridiculous there’s so many shades in
between two extremes of thinking and we
tend to get caught up in this
all-or-nothing mindset like cake is bad
and vegetables are good and there’s
nothing in between but that’s not true
there’s balance and there’s joy and
there’s an all-inclusive lifestyle that
you can live number two start saying no
and this seems a little hypocritical
because this week has been extremely
busy for me I’ve had my NHS banquet last
night I have a dance recital this
weekend and I’m very stressed out but
it’s a learning experience and we and
I’m realizing that I need to take my own
advice and saying no is the most
important thing that you can do when
you’re so overwhelmed and so stressed
out
you cannot pour from an empty cup you
can’t give yourself fully to what you
want to do when you are overextended in
too many places so you need to protect
yourself and say no to the things you
number three make a gratitude list this
is important when you feel like
something is overwhelming taking over
your life and you feel like it’s the end
of the world like you get an 89 on your
chemistry test and you’re like I’m gonna
fail out of high school not true if you
make a list of all the things that
you’re thankful for like a roof over
your head clean water a family legs to
walk on being privileged enough to live
in the United States of America and
create all that plastic you will realize
that your mountain is actually a
molehill and you can take a step back
and a better perspective on what’s going
on number four use positive affirmations
I’m sure some of you have heard these
and think it might be kind of stupid to
stand in the mirror in the morning and
be like I’m pretty I’m awesome but
positive affirmations for me are a
calming statement when I’m in a state of
terror like when you’re driving and you
realize you’re lost and you have no idea
what to do when you’re like do I pull
off the road like what’s going on and
you say to yourself I am strong I can do
this and that is just a simple phrase
and you say that to yourself when you
are in turmoil and you bring yourself
down from that high anxiety high
perfectionistic thinking number five
love yourself
this is a common trend of a lot of the
talks that have gone on today and the
reason that everyone is saying it is
because it’s so true and so important
because if you don’t care for yourself
then you don’t let the love of others in
and I experienced this myself when I was
going through my shrubs I wasn’t letting
anyone else into my life I was so
isolated and so sad but now that I am
more open and more generous and more in
love with myself
I let the love in
and this is it doesn’t have to be bubble
baths and lighting candles and coloring
pretty pictures loving yourself is
taking care of yourself it means going
to bed when you’re tired it means
staying home when you’re sick and it
means letting others know what you need
from them to support you so that you
don’t get too strung out and end up
Brene brown a author and shane studier
and inspiration says that perfectionism
is a 20-ton shield that we lug around
thinking it will protect us when in fact
it’s the thing that’s really presenting
us from taking flight so if you take
anything home tonight from this talk is
that you don’t have to be perfect you
don’t have to be everything to everyone
because you can’t be it’s not physically
possible so this is your permission to
take a rest take a break ask for a break
email your teacher and ask them to turn
in your outline a day late and they’ll
probably let you do it if you are
genuine and you are taking care of
yourself you are going to live the best
life that you can and that is the most
important thing to take home thank you [Applause]