my dad only told me one story about a
flight and after I tell you this story
you’re going to be convinced that
parents of specialists and terrifying
their children so in the car we’re on
vacation we’re headed to Florida and he
says you kids just won’t understand you
get three sons in the backseat and then
he tells this story he talks about how
growing up in New York he was walking
down the street one day this is the
1950s or 60s and two police officers one
white and one black snatch him off the
street throw him into the back of the
squad car take him to the police station
if we went to the interrogation room
they’d come back after a few minutes and
they’d say to him walk a straight line
and so my dad probably scared
certainly confused does the best that he
can to walk a straight line one of those
police officers grabs his baton and says
boy I said walk a straight line it’s an
instant seriousness the moment struck
stands up straight walk a straight line
they break into laughter experiment over
they take him to the front of the
precinct tell them to have a good time
go home over my dad never talked about
his childhood he never talked about what
it was like growing up all he told us is
this we would ask him where his friends
are how come he never talked to his
friends he never tells us about his
friends he would say boys all my friends
I either
dead craving that experience as you
might imagine was pivotal and not in a
good way
that put my dad on the path that
frightened my grandmother to death and
so she did with grandmothers in the 50s
and 60s did young black widow woman my
grandfather died early 40 years old he
gets bone cancer gone she takes him to
church he meets this young dynamic fiery
preacher who doesn’t be little moon
doesn’t ridicule them doesn’t make them
feel like The Last Stand but becomes a
father to all that guy course-corrected
the director of my dad’s life because of
that guy my dad went from being a young
gangster who was angry to college
student the first one in my family to
graduate from NYU no the first one of my
family to go to college graduated from
NYU with the degree in mathematics two
of these three sons have followed in his
footsteps I wanna thank you and then
after college became a pastor full-time
moved here to Kentucky and that’s how we
got here to Kentucky but that experience
by those two men I think is a perfect
example of what we call now toxic
masculinity we didn’t have that word in
the sixties so that’s what makes what
I’m about to read to you for me a little
I’m gonna read to you a passage from the
Bible I promise not to take up an
offering afterwards first Timothy
chapter 3 I’m going to start at verse 1
I’ll stop before I get to verse 7 it
says this this is a faithful saying if a
man seeks the office of an overseer he
desires a good work the overseer
therefore must be without reproach the
husband of one wife temperate sensible
modest hospitable good at teaching not a
drinker not violent not greedy for money
looking over the landscape of the world
that we live in and I’m wondering why is
Paul taking this occasion to single out
Vienna if you look in the prisons by far
and away and compare the populations of
men’s prisons versus women’s prisons the
toxicity seems to exist largely with the
male gender but I think Paul knew
something but I missed Paul knew that
men were not to be thrown away
they were a waste they are nature’s
high-risk investment now high-risk
investment is a technical term high-risk
investments are the investments that
have the possibility causing you to lose
absolutely everything they’re also the
investments that have the possibility to
land you great I think when God made men
but it’s not just me that thinks that I
was reading an article in the journal
adaptive human behavior and physiology
the title of the article was immense
religious ties from overly regulated
that’s the fascinating question
the theory behind the article was do men
with what they call high androgen levels
more likely or less likely to engage in
religious connectedness androgens
is a steroid or hormone like
testosterone that promotes
masculinization like fascia later and
bar fights and barbecues masculinization
but the literature is clear that high
androgen levels have some very serious
side effects like moodiness risk-taking
antisocial actions like the inability to
distinguish the value of choosing long
term goals over short term goals
aggression dominance status striving
more promiscuity general aggression
antisocial personalities alcoholism drug
use and this one is my favorite a
promise to reckless driving I’m sure
whoever wrote that was following me here
but then the article ends with this that
religion is a major social institution
through which actions violating social
norms are controlled and then it hit and
I’m didn’t hit me like a ton of bricks
that when Paul was making his list he
wasn’t disqualifying people he was doing
the type of thing that men with high
androgen levels respond to
he was issuing them a challenge he was
saying if you want to be a leader there
you’ve never seen the best quarterback
in the league go to a team that says hey
we’ll take anybody but the team that
said I’m looking for the best and the
brightest the best in the brightest
quarterbacks and football players want
to play for those guys
Paul was issuing a challenge and the
statistics are in and they’re
fascinating here’s what we found Paul
said if you want to be that word
overseer can also be translated from the
Greek to the English as the word bishop
probably more accurately it’ll be better
to say pastor if you want to be a pastor
or a leader of people you must be
without reproach and the data is clear
that men with high antigen but haven’t
disciplined have better control over
their actions that violate social norms
excuse me spring just went down I’m so
Paul says you want to be a leader in the
church you’ve got to be the husband of
one wife the dad is in men with high
religious connection and that’s a
technical term it means men who go to
church often and have a member of clergy
in the social circle less likely to have
multiple promiscuous partners
Paul says you’ve got to be tempered the
data is in men with religious
connectedness have more control over
their risk-taking Paul says if you want
to be a leader you’ve got to be sensible
the data is intimate Paul says that
religious connectedness is associated
with better mental and physical health
it’s not a perfect fix but we’re not
really talking about perfection what
we’re really talking about is
improvement I’ve got a new Neff new
definition of toxic masculinity it is
not a man who makes mistakes it is a man
who makes mistakes and then runs from
the things that help them to improve and
make himself better what the study says
is that men with high androgen levels
are often the ones who are running from
what their disconnectedness what’s also
interesting is that they’re the ones who
needed the most so here’s what I want
you to take away from this first
recognize that institutions like
football use baseball leagues Church
fantastic to help me with high levels to
answer my call because know there are
other calls in society that call doesn’t
have to come from a pastor it doesn’t
have to come from your football coach it
can come from the local ganglia it can
come from your friends poor really funny
and so what mid need is a force in their
life that will encourage them give them
a high call to take that high antigen
level and use it for something good
take this away first I want to actively
debunk the myth that men with high tea
or not welcome in the church I don’t
have they’re not welcome but we’re
looking for that the problem is those
are the guys so usually a running the
Fergus and the fastest from me but those
are the guys that would want the best
because they made fantastic leaders
there like that guy Paul who I just
quoted that guy before he became a
leader it’s not an overstatement to say
he was a brute and probably a murderer
but leadership made him better
hmm the second thing I want you to
remember is this I want you to encourage
clergy to reach out to risky men and
then the last thing I want you to take
home is this I want you to encourage men
who exhibit risky and toxic behavior to
find a trusted clergy member and make
that person an active part of their
circle but don’t just go to church it’s
kind of not fun be a leader find a young
person who is just like you doesn’t have
somebody to help him control his urges
and teach him how to do it thank you [Applause]
flight and after I tell you this story
you’re going to be convinced that
parents of specialists and terrifying
their children so in the car we’re on
vacation we’re headed to Florida and he
says you kids just won’t understand you
get three sons in the backseat and then
he tells this story he talks about how
growing up in New York he was walking
down the street one day this is the
1950s or 60s and two police officers one
white and one black snatch him off the
street throw him into the back of the
squad car take him to the police station
if we went to the interrogation room
they’d come back after a few minutes and
they’d say to him walk a straight line
and so my dad probably scared
certainly confused does the best that he
can to walk a straight line one of those
police officers grabs his baton and says
boy I said walk a straight line it’s an
instant seriousness the moment struck
stands up straight walk a straight line
they break into laughter experiment over
they take him to the front of the
precinct tell them to have a good time
go home over my dad never talked about
his childhood he never talked about what
it was like growing up all he told us is
this we would ask him where his friends
are how come he never talked to his
friends he never tells us about his
friends he would say boys all my friends
I either
dead craving that experience as you
might imagine was pivotal and not in a
good way
that put my dad on the path that
frightened my grandmother to death and
so she did with grandmothers in the 50s
and 60s did young black widow woman my
grandfather died early 40 years old he
gets bone cancer gone she takes him to
church he meets this young dynamic fiery
preacher who doesn’t be little moon
doesn’t ridicule them doesn’t make them
feel like The Last Stand but becomes a
father to all that guy course-corrected
the director of my dad’s life because of
that guy my dad went from being a young
gangster who was angry to college
student the first one in my family to
graduate from NYU no the first one of my
family to go to college graduated from
NYU with the degree in mathematics two
of these three sons have followed in his
footsteps I wanna thank you and then
after college became a pastor full-time
moved here to Kentucky and that’s how we
got here to Kentucky but that experience
by those two men I think is a perfect
example of what we call now toxic
masculinity we didn’t have that word in
the sixties so that’s what makes what
I’m about to read to you for me a little
I’m gonna read to you a passage from the
Bible I promise not to take up an
offering afterwards first Timothy
chapter 3 I’m going to start at verse 1
I’ll stop before I get to verse 7 it
says this this is a faithful saying if a
man seeks the office of an overseer he
desires a good work the overseer
therefore must be without reproach the
husband of one wife temperate sensible
modest hospitable good at teaching not a
drinker not violent not greedy for money
looking over the landscape of the world
that we live in and I’m wondering why is
Paul taking this occasion to single out
Vienna if you look in the prisons by far
and away and compare the populations of
men’s prisons versus women’s prisons the
toxicity seems to exist largely with the
male gender but I think Paul knew
something but I missed Paul knew that
men were not to be thrown away
they were a waste they are nature’s
high-risk investment now high-risk
investment is a technical term high-risk
investments are the investments that
have the possibility causing you to lose
absolutely everything they’re also the
investments that have the possibility to
land you great I think when God made men
but it’s not just me that thinks that I
was reading an article in the journal
adaptive human behavior and physiology
the title of the article was immense
religious ties from overly regulated
that’s the fascinating question
the theory behind the article was do men
with what they call high androgen levels
more likely or less likely to engage in
religious connectedness androgens
is a steroid or hormone like
testosterone that promotes
masculinization like fascia later and
bar fights and barbecues masculinization
but the literature is clear that high
androgen levels have some very serious
side effects like moodiness risk-taking
antisocial actions like the inability to
distinguish the value of choosing long
term goals over short term goals
aggression dominance status striving
more promiscuity general aggression
antisocial personalities alcoholism drug
use and this one is my favorite a
promise to reckless driving I’m sure
whoever wrote that was following me here
but then the article ends with this that
religion is a major social institution
through which actions violating social
norms are controlled and then it hit and
I’m didn’t hit me like a ton of bricks
that when Paul was making his list he
wasn’t disqualifying people he was doing
the type of thing that men with high
androgen levels respond to
he was issuing them a challenge he was
saying if you want to be a leader there
you’ve never seen the best quarterback
in the league go to a team that says hey
we’ll take anybody but the team that
said I’m looking for the best and the
brightest the best in the brightest
quarterbacks and football players want
to play for those guys
Paul was issuing a challenge and the
statistics are in and they’re
fascinating here’s what we found Paul
said if you want to be that word
overseer can also be translated from the
Greek to the English as the word bishop
probably more accurately it’ll be better
to say pastor if you want to be a pastor
or a leader of people you must be
without reproach and the data is clear
that men with high antigen but haven’t
disciplined have better control over
their actions that violate social norms
excuse me spring just went down I’m so
Paul says you want to be a leader in the
church you’ve got to be the husband of
one wife the dad is in men with high
religious connection and that’s a
technical term it means men who go to
church often and have a member of clergy
in the social circle less likely to have
multiple promiscuous partners
Paul says you’ve got to be tempered the
data is in men with religious
connectedness have more control over
their risk-taking Paul says if you want
to be a leader you’ve got to be sensible
the data is intimate Paul says that
religious connectedness is associated
with better mental and physical health
it’s not a perfect fix but we’re not
really talking about perfection what
we’re really talking about is
improvement I’ve got a new Neff new
definition of toxic masculinity it is
not a man who makes mistakes it is a man
who makes mistakes and then runs from
the things that help them to improve and
make himself better what the study says
is that men with high androgen levels
are often the ones who are running from
what their disconnectedness what’s also
interesting is that they’re the ones who
needed the most so here’s what I want
you to take away from this first
recognize that institutions like
football use baseball leagues Church
fantastic to help me with high levels to
answer my call because know there are
other calls in society that call doesn’t
have to come from a pastor it doesn’t
have to come from your football coach it
can come from the local ganglia it can
come from your friends poor really funny
and so what mid need is a force in their
life that will encourage them give them
a high call to take that high antigen
level and use it for something good
take this away first I want to actively
debunk the myth that men with high tea
or not welcome in the church I don’t
have they’re not welcome but we’re
looking for that the problem is those
are the guys so usually a running the
Fergus and the fastest from me but those
are the guys that would want the best
because they made fantastic leaders
there like that guy Paul who I just
quoted that guy before he became a
leader it’s not an overstatement to say
he was a brute and probably a murderer
but leadership made him better
hmm the second thing I want you to
remember is this I want you to encourage
clergy to reach out to risky men and
then the last thing I want you to take
home is this I want you to encourage men
who exhibit risky and toxic behavior to
find a trusted clergy member and make
that person an active part of their
circle but don’t just go to church it’s
kind of not fun be a leader find a young
person who is just like you doesn’t have
somebody to help him control his urges
and teach him how to do it thank you [Applause]
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