[Music]
[Applause]
my friend Ashley teaches kindergarten
and we love laughing at the hilarious
things that some of the five-year-olds
in her class say teacher in ten years my
dad will be 15 I love you teacher
because you teach to us to not say feet
although kids are pretty wild they have
a great capacity to do good a few weeks
ago Ashley’s father passed away
unexpectedly she said she’s been so
impressed with the ability of these
five-year-olds to understand the
difficulty of the situation Cody
one of her five-year-olds came up to her
one day and said teacher what’s your
dad’s name she told me it was Wayne and
he said will you ride it right here so
she did later that day he came back and
said teacher this is for you this is
your dad Wayne and this is you and these
are the flowers that people gave you
Ashley said it’s been moments like this
where she can see the kids processing
and trying to understand what she’s been
going through it’s these moments that
have helped her process her dad’s death
and begin to grieve and begin to heal
Cody’s ability to step into Ashley’s
shoes imagine what she was feeling and
to feel with her is called empathy
because Cody empathize with Ashley he
understood what she might need to feel
better and I was able to respond to
those needs in the best way he knew how
as he responded to those needs he
reacted just like almost any other child
would children are actually rockstar
empathizers and often try and reach out
when they see someone who needs help
in fact researchers have found that even
eight month old babies respond with
empathetic body language when they sense
that their mother is hurt or they hear
another baby crying Ashoka the premier
organization
assists social innovators across the
world create positive social change
believes that empathy is the single most
important skill for a person to possess
because of its vital role in helping
create positive social change so today
we want to talk to you about why it is
so important to actively and
deliberately cultivate empathy and the
children around us and help us think
about how we can do that to start let’s
think about what the world will look
like without empathy in this world
self-interest would reign anger
aggression bullying would be more common
than not and we wouldn’t try to
understand what people were feeling and
thinking this inability to take on the
perspective of another not only
influences childhood friendships but
relationships between nations on the
other hand though a world filled with
empathy is a world filled with kindness
and compassion in this world we
experience positive relationships
meaningful relationships with close
friends as well as positive interactions
with strangers it’s in this world that
were more resilient courageous and
trusting and that influences our own
personal happiness and connection with
others so if humans develop this empathy
from when they’re really really young
why does our world sometimes sound and
look and feel a lot more like the first
world we described instead of the second
one well what if it’s because instead of
cultivating that empathy from when
children are young instead we choose to
fill their time and use their energy
putting it towards math and dance and
sports and violin lessons and all these
activities that make a lot of noise in
their lives to clarify none of these
activities are bad and they actually
help children develop in really
important ways but it’s the way that we
approach those activities and sell them
to our children
that sends a message about what our real
priorities are and unfortunately more
often than not the priorities that were
telling our children about are these
activities and success in them instead
of having empathy and helping others a
Harvard study shared shed a little light
on the subject in this study researchers
surveyed 10,000 youth between the ages
of 11 and 17 and asked what was most
important to them
achievement in academics and
extracurricular activities their own
personal happiness or caring for others
80 percent of the youth ranked personal
achievement and happiness over caring
for others now a similar survey was
administered to the parents and teachers
of these youth and 96 percent of the
parents and teachers said that it was
either very important if not essential
to raise caring children so the parents
and teachers are saying the most
important thing is raising caring
children and the children were saying
just the opposite on top of that when
you ask children what they think their
parents priorities are they give a very
different answer than parents do 80% of
children believed that their parents and
teachers care more about achievement in
school and inaccurate extracurricular
activities than they do about caring for
other human beings so where did this
problem come from unintentionally by our
actions and attitudes we’ve restructured
the priorities of young people to focus
on personal success at the expense of
their natural empathy so at this point
how confident do you feel that the
children in your life really understand
what your priorities are as parents
mentors and friends to children we have
an opportunity and obligation to
translate our priorities from implicit
to obvious additionally we have a duty
to help children and their innate
empathy
be a powerful force in creating positive
social good instead of remaining an
untapped resource
so you’re probably wondering what
qualifies to childless undergraduates to
talk about this well Maurice and I had
the amazing opportunity of being on a
team of interns for Ashoka that
organization we mentioned that’s rooting
for empathy as interns we interviewed
youth between the ages of 13 and 20 who
are doing some pretty incredible things
around the globe for example creating
and designing a Braille printer made out
of Legos connecting a rural Indian
village to the internet and successfully
designing and implementing an
anti-bullying program in their middle
school as researchers the big question
that we wanted to answer was how did
these children get to these incredible
places where they’re making such
positive impact as we looked over our
data and listened to their stories we
recognized that there were three main
milestones that each story had in common
first each child had a spark
this was an experience or something they
learned that made them feel deep empathy
for a person or a problem next because
the child was so moved by this
experience they decided to do something
about it so they took action after that
they received important validation from
the adults around them because of the
validation they received they ended up
going further on their project or idea
that they might have without that
validation what was really interesting
though to Marissa and I was that as we
talk to these youth we discovered that
the only reason why they were able to
accomplish such incredible things was
because of the adults in their lives or
maybe I should say it was only because
the adults in their lives didn’t snuff
out their flame that they were able to
accomplish such great things it’s sad
but in almost every interview a child
said something like my parents said no
but I bothered them until they said yes
or I was really surprised when my
parents agreed to let me pursue this
idea so somehow parents have become
either a real barrier or a perceived
barrier to a child developing empathy
and creating positive social change off
of that we don’t think that parents and
adults in general want to be that force
that keeps children from pursuing those
things so because of that based on the
milestones that we found in our research
we’ve come up with three recommendations
that can help parents enable empathy
instead of keeping it from developing so
first that’s fostering an environment
for sparking encouraging exploratory
action and providing positive validation
wherever possible Chris he was in
seventh grade when he met Sebastian in
an after-school tutoring program it was
here that they became friends and Chris
learned that Sebastian’s family didn’t
have a computer at home and Chris just
like couldn’t believe this he couldn’t
understand how like what it would be
like to not have a computer at home and
while he was running through these
things in his mind he remembered his
family had a broken computer in their
basement so with permission from his
parents and help from friends at school
he fixed up that computer and gave it to
Sebastian’s family for Chris his spark
came as he was putting himself in the
shoes of Sebastian so the spark is a
little like broccoli it’s really good
for children but if you force it on them
they’re not going to be too happy so
it’s really important that as adults
instead of trying to force it on them
that you create an environment where the
spark can happen help them meet people
of all different races nationalities
socioeconomic status and backgrounds as
they’re meeting new people and having
new experiences and gaining more
knowledge help them ask questions help
them step into another person’s
perspective and understand what they
might be feeling
additionally if they show special
interest in something help them
brainstorm how they might be able to
learn more
after a spark the next step is to take
action for Chris that was finding that
computer and fixing that for Sebastian’s
family for others it was finding a pen
pal in India or hosting really simple
event to teach other youth how to help
the homeless in any case it’s crucial
that we step back and let these youth
take appropriate risks we teach them
that learning not perfect execution is
success as a favorite fictitious teacher
of mine said to encourage her class this
is where we need to take chances make
mistakes and get messy
either encouraging children to take
risks and do new things it’s really
important that we validate their efforts
and those risks
feliks a 4th grader from Germany was
assigned a topic for a report on climate
change at first he thought about it
mostly in terms of his favorite animal
the polar bear but as he researched more
he recognized there was a very real
human component to climate change after
he finished his report he issued a
challenge to his class to plant 1
million trees however instead of calling
him crazy or telling him to aim lower
his teacher asked him to present two
other classes his headmaster ended up
taking him to other schools to teach
other students about climate change his
parents actually buy him his first tree
so that he could plant near his school
and local newspapers started picking up
his story if he hadn’t been validated by
the adults in his life even though it
seems like a crazy challenge today his
challenge and the organization that
resulted from it would not have planted
14 billion trees
so as adults validate the children in
their lives maybe it’s by giving them up
$20 for a project or simply giving them
personal feedback saying I’m proud of
you I am really happy that you’re
pursuing this project students will feel
motivated and can go much further than
we might think that they can at first so
um after these interviews we wondered
who else experienced this journey so we
did a little research we found the story
of Agnes who was born in 1910 in the
Ottoman Empire when she was 8 years old
her dad passed away at this very
impressionable time she heard stories of
missionaries in India who were helping
the poor it was a combination of her
father’s death and these stories of
brotherly kindness that sparked with an
Agnes a desire to devote the rest of her
life to helping others she acted on this
spark when at the age of 18 she left her
home and enrolled in the Institute of
the Blessed Virgin Mary in Ireland it
was here that she received the name of
sister Mary Theresa she was validated in
her journey when she was granted
permission to leave her convent to open
an orphanage for children and her
validation culminated in her receiving
the 1979 Nobel Peace Prize do you think
the adults in her life fully understood
the capacity of the young woman they
were empowering so today we invite you
to choose a child within your sphere of
influence and help nurture their natural
empathy as you do so you will set the
stage for a whole life of creating
positive social change that is enabled
by empathy start with fostering an
environment for sparking then make sure
that you encourage exploratory action
and risk-taking as you provide positive
validation whenever you can you’ll help
them believe in themselves and in their
ideas who knows they might become the
next mother Teresa or maybe they won’t
but they could be the next Cody who
draws a painting
or picture for someone who’s in need and
that is just as important thank you
you
[Applause]
my friend Ashley teaches kindergarten
and we love laughing at the hilarious
things that some of the five-year-olds
in her class say teacher in ten years my
dad will be 15 I love you teacher
because you teach to us to not say feet
although kids are pretty wild they have
a great capacity to do good a few weeks
ago Ashley’s father passed away
unexpectedly she said she’s been so
impressed with the ability of these
five-year-olds to understand the
difficulty of the situation Cody
one of her five-year-olds came up to her
one day and said teacher what’s your
dad’s name she told me it was Wayne and
he said will you ride it right here so
she did later that day he came back and
said teacher this is for you this is
your dad Wayne and this is you and these
are the flowers that people gave you
Ashley said it’s been moments like this
where she can see the kids processing
and trying to understand what she’s been
going through it’s these moments that
have helped her process her dad’s death
and begin to grieve and begin to heal
Cody’s ability to step into Ashley’s
shoes imagine what she was feeling and
to feel with her is called empathy
because Cody empathize with Ashley he
understood what she might need to feel
better and I was able to respond to
those needs in the best way he knew how
as he responded to those needs he
reacted just like almost any other child
would children are actually rockstar
empathizers and often try and reach out
when they see someone who needs help
in fact researchers have found that even
eight month old babies respond with
empathetic body language when they sense
that their mother is hurt or they hear
another baby crying Ashoka the premier
organization
assists social innovators across the
world create positive social change
believes that empathy is the single most
important skill for a person to possess
because of its vital role in helping
create positive social change so today
we want to talk to you about why it is
so important to actively and
deliberately cultivate empathy and the
children around us and help us think
about how we can do that to start let’s
think about what the world will look
like without empathy in this world
self-interest would reign anger
aggression bullying would be more common
than not and we wouldn’t try to
understand what people were feeling and
thinking this inability to take on the
perspective of another not only
influences childhood friendships but
relationships between nations on the
other hand though a world filled with
empathy is a world filled with kindness
and compassion in this world we
experience positive relationships
meaningful relationships with close
friends as well as positive interactions
with strangers it’s in this world that
were more resilient courageous and
trusting and that influences our own
personal happiness and connection with
others so if humans develop this empathy
from when they’re really really young
why does our world sometimes sound and
look and feel a lot more like the first
world we described instead of the second
one well what if it’s because instead of
cultivating that empathy from when
children are young instead we choose to
fill their time and use their energy
putting it towards math and dance and
sports and violin lessons and all these
activities that make a lot of noise in
their lives to clarify none of these
activities are bad and they actually
help children develop in really
important ways but it’s the way that we
approach those activities and sell them
to our children
that sends a message about what our real
priorities are and unfortunately more
often than not the priorities that were
telling our children about are these
activities and success in them instead
of having empathy and helping others a
Harvard study shared shed a little light
on the subject in this study researchers
surveyed 10,000 youth between the ages
of 11 and 17 and asked what was most
important to them
achievement in academics and
extracurricular activities their own
personal happiness or caring for others
80 percent of the youth ranked personal
achievement and happiness over caring
for others now a similar survey was
administered to the parents and teachers
of these youth and 96 percent of the
parents and teachers said that it was
either very important if not essential
to raise caring children so the parents
and teachers are saying the most
important thing is raising caring
children and the children were saying
just the opposite on top of that when
you ask children what they think their
parents priorities are they give a very
different answer than parents do 80% of
children believed that their parents and
teachers care more about achievement in
school and inaccurate extracurricular
activities than they do about caring for
other human beings so where did this
problem come from unintentionally by our
actions and attitudes we’ve restructured
the priorities of young people to focus
on personal success at the expense of
their natural empathy so at this point
how confident do you feel that the
children in your life really understand
what your priorities are as parents
mentors and friends to children we have
an opportunity and obligation to
translate our priorities from implicit
to obvious additionally we have a duty
to help children and their innate
empathy
be a powerful force in creating positive
social good instead of remaining an
untapped resource
so you’re probably wondering what
qualifies to childless undergraduates to
talk about this well Maurice and I had
the amazing opportunity of being on a
team of interns for Ashoka that
organization we mentioned that’s rooting
for empathy as interns we interviewed
youth between the ages of 13 and 20 who
are doing some pretty incredible things
around the globe for example creating
and designing a Braille printer made out
of Legos connecting a rural Indian
village to the internet and successfully
designing and implementing an
anti-bullying program in their middle
school as researchers the big question
that we wanted to answer was how did
these children get to these incredible
places where they’re making such
positive impact as we looked over our
data and listened to their stories we
recognized that there were three main
milestones that each story had in common
first each child had a spark
this was an experience or something they
learned that made them feel deep empathy
for a person or a problem next because
the child was so moved by this
experience they decided to do something
about it so they took action after that
they received important validation from
the adults around them because of the
validation they received they ended up
going further on their project or idea
that they might have without that
validation what was really interesting
though to Marissa and I was that as we
talk to these youth we discovered that
the only reason why they were able to
accomplish such incredible things was
because of the adults in their lives or
maybe I should say it was only because
the adults in their lives didn’t snuff
out their flame that they were able to
accomplish such great things it’s sad
but in almost every interview a child
said something like my parents said no
but I bothered them until they said yes
or I was really surprised when my
parents agreed to let me pursue this
idea so somehow parents have become
either a real barrier or a perceived
barrier to a child developing empathy
and creating positive social change off
of that we don’t think that parents and
adults in general want to be that force
that keeps children from pursuing those
things so because of that based on the
milestones that we found in our research
we’ve come up with three recommendations
that can help parents enable empathy
instead of keeping it from developing so
first that’s fostering an environment
for sparking encouraging exploratory
action and providing positive validation
wherever possible Chris he was in
seventh grade when he met Sebastian in
an after-school tutoring program it was
here that they became friends and Chris
learned that Sebastian’s family didn’t
have a computer at home and Chris just
like couldn’t believe this he couldn’t
understand how like what it would be
like to not have a computer at home and
while he was running through these
things in his mind he remembered his
family had a broken computer in their
basement so with permission from his
parents and help from friends at school
he fixed up that computer and gave it to
Sebastian’s family for Chris his spark
came as he was putting himself in the
shoes of Sebastian so the spark is a
little like broccoli it’s really good
for children but if you force it on them
they’re not going to be too happy so
it’s really important that as adults
instead of trying to force it on them
that you create an environment where the
spark can happen help them meet people
of all different races nationalities
socioeconomic status and backgrounds as
they’re meeting new people and having
new experiences and gaining more
knowledge help them ask questions help
them step into another person’s
perspective and understand what they
might be feeling
additionally if they show special
interest in something help them
brainstorm how they might be able to
learn more
after a spark the next step is to take
action for Chris that was finding that
computer and fixing that for Sebastian’s
family for others it was finding a pen
pal in India or hosting really simple
event to teach other youth how to help
the homeless in any case it’s crucial
that we step back and let these youth
take appropriate risks we teach them
that learning not perfect execution is
success as a favorite fictitious teacher
of mine said to encourage her class this
is where we need to take chances make
mistakes and get messy
either encouraging children to take
risks and do new things it’s really
important that we validate their efforts
and those risks
feliks a 4th grader from Germany was
assigned a topic for a report on climate
change at first he thought about it
mostly in terms of his favorite animal
the polar bear but as he researched more
he recognized there was a very real
human component to climate change after
he finished his report he issued a
challenge to his class to plant 1
million trees however instead of calling
him crazy or telling him to aim lower
his teacher asked him to present two
other classes his headmaster ended up
taking him to other schools to teach
other students about climate change his
parents actually buy him his first tree
so that he could plant near his school
and local newspapers started picking up
his story if he hadn’t been validated by
the adults in his life even though it
seems like a crazy challenge today his
challenge and the organization that
resulted from it would not have planted
14 billion trees
so as adults validate the children in
their lives maybe it’s by giving them up
$20 for a project or simply giving them
personal feedback saying I’m proud of
you I am really happy that you’re
pursuing this project students will feel
motivated and can go much further than
we might think that they can at first so
um after these interviews we wondered
who else experienced this journey so we
did a little research we found the story
of Agnes who was born in 1910 in the
Ottoman Empire when she was 8 years old
her dad passed away at this very
impressionable time she heard stories of
missionaries in India who were helping
the poor it was a combination of her
father’s death and these stories of
brotherly kindness that sparked with an
Agnes a desire to devote the rest of her
life to helping others she acted on this
spark when at the age of 18 she left her
home and enrolled in the Institute of
the Blessed Virgin Mary in Ireland it
was here that she received the name of
sister Mary Theresa she was validated in
her journey when she was granted
permission to leave her convent to open
an orphanage for children and her
validation culminated in her receiving
the 1979 Nobel Peace Prize do you think
the adults in her life fully understood
the capacity of the young woman they
were empowering so today we invite you
to choose a child within your sphere of
influence and help nurture their natural
empathy as you do so you will set the
stage for a whole life of creating
positive social change that is enabled
by empathy start with fostering an
environment for sparking then make sure
that you encourage exploratory action
and risk-taking as you provide positive
validation whenever you can you’ll help
them believe in themselves and in their
ideas who knows they might become the
next mother Teresa or maybe they won’t
but they could be the next Cody who
draws a painting
or picture for someone who’s in need and
that is just as important thank you
you
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