when I got to Vanderbilt to join the
women’s basketball team I was expected
to do me the interviews except that I
was super shy and so I told our media
director Tammy that I wasn’t doing any
so she told coach Foster and he left
right before he made me take a speech
class the day of my first speech I
walked up to my classroom door holding
my notecards looked in that little
window at everyone I had to talk to turn
around and walked right back to my dorm
room totally skip the class top recruit
all-american it didn’t matter I
chickened out and I ran away
we all have confidence issues if we’re
honest about it it’s not just the girl
walking with her head down or the guy
that’s quiet in the back of the class
it’s also those with the longest resumes
and the pretty faces and the biggest
personalities it’s because we all have
fears and we all have dreams and so we
all struggle with confidence sometimes
but we didn’t start out that way I
remember in the first grade my class is
going on a field trip to the city pool
and I was so excited that I wore my
brand-new bathing suit it was a
one-piece with a cutout right here that
showed my belly button kind of risque
for first grade my parents didn’t care
but my seventh-day adventists private
school wasn’t having it my teacher told
me I had three options one changing to
another suit to wear a t-shirt over or
three not go but I didn’t like any of
those options and I told my teacher that
in front of the whole class probably
should have skipped that speech though
because it landed me in the principal’s
office calling my mom not a good look
but we all started out confident do you
remember when you were fearless
before you questioned if you could do
something or worried about what anyone
else thought about it I do that’s how we
know that we all started out confident
but then something happened that changed
the part of us that didn’t hesitate or
question or doubt
do you remember what that was what
taught you not to be confident for me I
learned that I wasn’t pretty when I
realized the pretty pictures around me
didn’t look like me I learned that we
were poor and that it was it made me
less when
the lady at the grocery store looked
down on me when I handed her the money
my mom gave me I later found out they
were food stamps
I learned that speaking up was pointless
when my no meant nothing to him and I
learned that being an athlete was the
only thing that made me valuable when I
retired from the WNBA and people stopped
treating me as valuable there were a lot
of lessons that taught me not to be
confident in who I was and we all have
them so what were yours the great thing
is that if we learned it we can learn
differently and even though I didn’t
really want to think about all those
first lessons I realized that the
alternative was spending the rest of my
life in doubt and I thought about what
that insecurity would cost me did I want
to be part of the 67% of women who don’t
feel qualified to be leaders or
sacrifice hearing yes because I was too
scared to ask the question did I want to
be part of the 96% of women who wouldn’t
call themselves beautiful did I want to
spend eight hours a day five days a week
at a job I hated because I didn’t
believe I could get better or died
holding my dream of starting a business
the exact cost of insecurity is
different for all of us but that was
when I decided mine was too high I
refused to spend the rest of my life
questioning my talents and hating Monday
through Friday and the day came where
the risk to remain tight in a bud was
more painful than the risk it took to
blossom Anais Nin said that and we all
have that moment in life where we decide
to go for it in some area from there we
need to sustain that decision by
relearning how to be confident and like
all good learning it starts with asking
the right questions
Simon T Bailey author of shifter
brilliant said that the quality of your
questions exhibits the quality of your
thinking and determines the quality of
your answers rebuilding your confidence
is a question and answer process you go
through with yourself you ask yourself
the right questions listen to your
answers and then take intentional action
based on what they are ask listen
act and so today I’m gonna go through
seven questions that helped me and will
help you to
so question number one has to do with
your relationship with fear how do you
see fear and what do you do with it when
I was in high school my dad was in the
hospital getting a kidney transplant
I drove 45 minutes to go see him and
then sat in the car because I was too
scared to go in and see him like that I
ended up driving all the way home
without even going in there are so many
people telling us to be fearless but
that’s not realistic and it’s never
gonna happen
life makes sure of it what matters more
in the confidence-building process is
not how much fear you feel but what you
do with it when you feel it do you chase
fear instead of running from it question
number two has to do with your
perception of appearance how do your
thoughts and feelings about your looks
impact what you do so I’m six foot six
when I don’t wear heels and I hated
being tall for the longest I was bullied
a ton and my confidence was shot because
of it
it wasn’t until I learned to embrace my
height and really see the value in it
that I could start to build confidence
in who I was as a person do you
appreciate how you look while fighting
influences that say it’s not good enough
question number three has to do with
your level of self-reliance how much of
your confidence comes from inside
instead of outside last month I cut my
hair and this guy when I posted a
picture on Instagram this guy commented
on it and he said please don’t cut your
hair I don’t like seeing you like that
now before before I would have been like
oh my gosh should I get a new weave but
now I was like umm did I ask you does
your confidence come from who you are
instead of what you do who you’re with
or what anybody else says about it
question number four has to do with your
applied work ethic if how hard you work
was the only factor in your success
would you bet on yourself my first
league game freshman year the girl I was
guarding threw me on the ground stepped
over me and said welcome to the SEC
Freshman I was like oh my gosh how rude
there was so many times I wanted to quit
and run right back to the west coast but
instead I got in the gym every single
day after practice and I worked to make
sure I got what I wanted
are you willing to step up your work to
build your confidence question number
five has to do with your discernment in
relationships do the people you surround
yourself with help you to be more
confident so I was never one of the cool
kids
like ever I had glasses that took up my
whole face I was on the math team yet
math team um but when I got to college
and even onto the pros I decided that I
wanted to be and so I started going out
and dating and partying to make sure
that I could really fit in with that
in-crowd and it was awesome until I
realized that most of those people
didn’t really care anything about me it
was a really hard lesson to learn we
will never be confident if we surround
ourselves with people who don’t want us
to be no matter how we feel about them
are you willing to let go of
sentimentality and relationships for the
sake of your confidence question number
six has to do with your execution of
standards do you enforce your
non-negotiables after I retired from the
WNBA I got into college coaching for
three years and I loved my first job but
in my second job I found myself in a
situation where I wasn’t respected or
valued and since respect is one of my
non-negotiables I knew I couldn’t stay
there and so I did some research made a
plan and I left the sports industry for
the first time are you willing to change
a situation that doesn’t meet your
standards question number seven is the
last question and it’s probably the
hardest of them all and it has to do
with your resolution of history how are
your past experiences impacting your
present view earlier on in my career I
had a really hard time dealing with
women in positions of authority without
it feeling like an attack like a man
could say something to me and a woman
could say the exact same thing and I
would take it better from the man and I
could trace it all the way back to my
difficult relationship with my mom it
was something that I really had to
address and work on but it’s not just me
too many of us are walking around seeing
the world through the lenses of our past
experiences not realizing how it’s
changing our view it’s limiting our
opportunities and our ability to be
confident in every situation are you
willing to examine your view to build
your confidence rebuilding your
confidence is about asking yourself
these questions
listening to your answers and then
taking intentional action based on what
they are ask listen
act the result is you’ll be able to live
confidently no matter where you are
before becoming a confidence coach I
spent almost four years in medical
device sales and when I was interviewing
to get into it with no experience
there was one exchange that showed me
how far I had come in my confidence
journey it was at the end of an
interview and I had spent the whole reps
the whole day shadowing the rep and
visiting his accounts and he turned to
me and he said Chantelle you’re great
but you don’t have any experience how do
I know that you can do this job and I
looked at him and I said Tom when I was
coming out of high school one of the few
coaches who didn’t recruit me was the
legendary Pat Summitt from Tennessee
rest in peace and so when I can’t got to
Vanderbilt it was my goal to make Pat
wish he had recruited me every single
time we played and at the end of four
years she said I was one of the best
she’d ever seen Tom I can count on my
hands the amount of people who have not
believed in me and I’ve proven every
single one of them wrong so just let me
know if I should add you to that list
he offered me the job shortly after I
want to leave you with three things
number one confidence is a skill you can
build it and when you do it will change
everything in your life number two
you will be paying the cost of
insecurity until you intentionally focus
on building your confidence and number
three you have everything you need to
get everything you need including
confidence especially confidence because
you started out that way it’s about
asking yourself listening to your your
to yourself and taking intentional
action to get back to the person you
were created to be thank you and God
bless
[Applause]
women’s basketball team I was expected
to do me the interviews except that I
was super shy and so I told our media
director Tammy that I wasn’t doing any
so she told coach Foster and he left
right before he made me take a speech
class the day of my first speech I
walked up to my classroom door holding
my notecards looked in that little
window at everyone I had to talk to turn
around and walked right back to my dorm
room totally skip the class top recruit
all-american it didn’t matter I
chickened out and I ran away
we all have confidence issues if we’re
honest about it it’s not just the girl
walking with her head down or the guy
that’s quiet in the back of the class
it’s also those with the longest resumes
and the pretty faces and the biggest
personalities it’s because we all have
fears and we all have dreams and so we
all struggle with confidence sometimes
but we didn’t start out that way I
remember in the first grade my class is
going on a field trip to the city pool
and I was so excited that I wore my
brand-new bathing suit it was a
one-piece with a cutout right here that
showed my belly button kind of risque
for first grade my parents didn’t care
but my seventh-day adventists private
school wasn’t having it my teacher told
me I had three options one changing to
another suit to wear a t-shirt over or
three not go but I didn’t like any of
those options and I told my teacher that
in front of the whole class probably
should have skipped that speech though
because it landed me in the principal’s
office calling my mom not a good look
but we all started out confident do you
remember when you were fearless
before you questioned if you could do
something or worried about what anyone
else thought about it I do that’s how we
know that we all started out confident
but then something happened that changed
the part of us that didn’t hesitate or
question or doubt
do you remember what that was what
taught you not to be confident for me I
learned that I wasn’t pretty when I
realized the pretty pictures around me
didn’t look like me I learned that we
were poor and that it was it made me
less when
the lady at the grocery store looked
down on me when I handed her the money
my mom gave me I later found out they
were food stamps
I learned that speaking up was pointless
when my no meant nothing to him and I
learned that being an athlete was the
only thing that made me valuable when I
retired from the WNBA and people stopped
treating me as valuable there were a lot
of lessons that taught me not to be
confident in who I was and we all have
them so what were yours the great thing
is that if we learned it we can learn
differently and even though I didn’t
really want to think about all those
first lessons I realized that the
alternative was spending the rest of my
life in doubt and I thought about what
that insecurity would cost me did I want
to be part of the 67% of women who don’t
feel qualified to be leaders or
sacrifice hearing yes because I was too
scared to ask the question did I want to
be part of the 96% of women who wouldn’t
call themselves beautiful did I want to
spend eight hours a day five days a week
at a job I hated because I didn’t
believe I could get better or died
holding my dream of starting a business
the exact cost of insecurity is
different for all of us but that was
when I decided mine was too high I
refused to spend the rest of my life
questioning my talents and hating Monday
through Friday and the day came where
the risk to remain tight in a bud was
more painful than the risk it took to
blossom Anais Nin said that and we all
have that moment in life where we decide
to go for it in some area from there we
need to sustain that decision by
relearning how to be confident and like
all good learning it starts with asking
the right questions
Simon T Bailey author of shifter
brilliant said that the quality of your
questions exhibits the quality of your
thinking and determines the quality of
your answers rebuilding your confidence
is a question and answer process you go
through with yourself you ask yourself
the right questions listen to your
answers and then take intentional action
based on what they are ask listen
act and so today I’m gonna go through
seven questions that helped me and will
help you to
so question number one has to do with
your relationship with fear how do you
see fear and what do you do with it when
I was in high school my dad was in the
hospital getting a kidney transplant
I drove 45 minutes to go see him and
then sat in the car because I was too
scared to go in and see him like that I
ended up driving all the way home
without even going in there are so many
people telling us to be fearless but
that’s not realistic and it’s never
gonna happen
life makes sure of it what matters more
in the confidence-building process is
not how much fear you feel but what you
do with it when you feel it do you chase
fear instead of running from it question
number two has to do with your
perception of appearance how do your
thoughts and feelings about your looks
impact what you do so I’m six foot six
when I don’t wear heels and I hated
being tall for the longest I was bullied
a ton and my confidence was shot because
of it
it wasn’t until I learned to embrace my
height and really see the value in it
that I could start to build confidence
in who I was as a person do you
appreciate how you look while fighting
influences that say it’s not good enough
question number three has to do with
your level of self-reliance how much of
your confidence comes from inside
instead of outside last month I cut my
hair and this guy when I posted a
picture on Instagram this guy commented
on it and he said please don’t cut your
hair I don’t like seeing you like that
now before before I would have been like
oh my gosh should I get a new weave but
now I was like umm did I ask you does
your confidence come from who you are
instead of what you do who you’re with
or what anybody else says about it
question number four has to do with your
applied work ethic if how hard you work
was the only factor in your success
would you bet on yourself my first
league game freshman year the girl I was
guarding threw me on the ground stepped
over me and said welcome to the SEC
Freshman I was like oh my gosh how rude
there was so many times I wanted to quit
and run right back to the west coast but
instead I got in the gym every single
day after practice and I worked to make
sure I got what I wanted
are you willing to step up your work to
build your confidence question number
five has to do with your discernment in
relationships do the people you surround
yourself with help you to be more
confident so I was never one of the cool
kids
like ever I had glasses that took up my
whole face I was on the math team yet
math team um but when I got to college
and even onto the pros I decided that I
wanted to be and so I started going out
and dating and partying to make sure
that I could really fit in with that
in-crowd and it was awesome until I
realized that most of those people
didn’t really care anything about me it
was a really hard lesson to learn we
will never be confident if we surround
ourselves with people who don’t want us
to be no matter how we feel about them
are you willing to let go of
sentimentality and relationships for the
sake of your confidence question number
six has to do with your execution of
standards do you enforce your
non-negotiables after I retired from the
WNBA I got into college coaching for
three years and I loved my first job but
in my second job I found myself in a
situation where I wasn’t respected or
valued and since respect is one of my
non-negotiables I knew I couldn’t stay
there and so I did some research made a
plan and I left the sports industry for
the first time are you willing to change
a situation that doesn’t meet your
standards question number seven is the
last question and it’s probably the
hardest of them all and it has to do
with your resolution of history how are
your past experiences impacting your
present view earlier on in my career I
had a really hard time dealing with
women in positions of authority without
it feeling like an attack like a man
could say something to me and a woman
could say the exact same thing and I
would take it better from the man and I
could trace it all the way back to my
difficult relationship with my mom it
was something that I really had to
address and work on but it’s not just me
too many of us are walking around seeing
the world through the lenses of our past
experiences not realizing how it’s
changing our view it’s limiting our
opportunities and our ability to be
confident in every situation are you
willing to examine your view to build
your confidence rebuilding your
confidence is about asking yourself
these questions
listening to your answers and then
taking intentional action based on what
they are ask listen
act the result is you’ll be able to live
confidently no matter where you are
before becoming a confidence coach I
spent almost four years in medical
device sales and when I was interviewing
to get into it with no experience
there was one exchange that showed me
how far I had come in my confidence
journey it was at the end of an
interview and I had spent the whole reps
the whole day shadowing the rep and
visiting his accounts and he turned to
me and he said Chantelle you’re great
but you don’t have any experience how do
I know that you can do this job and I
looked at him and I said Tom when I was
coming out of high school one of the few
coaches who didn’t recruit me was the
legendary Pat Summitt from Tennessee
rest in peace and so when I can’t got to
Vanderbilt it was my goal to make Pat
wish he had recruited me every single
time we played and at the end of four
years she said I was one of the best
she’d ever seen Tom I can count on my
hands the amount of people who have not
believed in me and I’ve proven every
single one of them wrong so just let me
know if I should add you to that list
he offered me the job shortly after I
want to leave you with three things
number one confidence is a skill you can
build it and when you do it will change
everything in your life number two
you will be paying the cost of
insecurity until you intentionally focus
on building your confidence and number
three you have everything you need to
get everything you need including
confidence especially confidence because
you started out that way it’s about
asking yourself listening to your your
to yourself and taking intentional
action to get back to the person you
were created to be thank you and God
bless
[Applause]
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