addict addict it’s a pretty
uncomfortable word isn’t it this is a
word that we need to get more
comfortable with because by not talking
about addiction we’re ignoring one of
the greatest threats to human health to
date in the ten minutes it’s going to
take me to give this talk three
Americans are gonna pass away from a
drug or alcohol-related cause so I was
getting ready for this talk and I was
trying to come up with a story from my
life something to tell you guys that
would be generic enough so anyone in the
audience could relate and yet specific
enough so you’d really connect to the
details you know turns out nothing about
my life has really been all that generic
so I’m gonna have to tell you my story
the way it really happened and hope that
you’re still able to connect anyway I
haven’t taken a traditional route
through college but we’ll get to that in
a minute by now we’ve probably all
started to hear about the opioid
epidemic and I’ve heard some statistics
about drug overdose the statistics are
pretty terrible did you know that more
people died from a drug overdose last
year than those that died in car
accidents but one of the problems with
statistics is that we can separate
ourselves from them you probably just
did it just then when I told you that
when something is uncomfortable we want
to separate ourselves from it and
convince ourselves that it’s not
affecting us directly but one of the
issues with this is that it is
disconnecting us from human beings
suffering all around us that need our
help
TEDx Vanderbilt is about sharing stories
and I believe that if we got vulnerable
and shared our stories with one another
we’d begin to connect on a deeper level
so even though I’m gonna be sharing a
bit about my story it mirrors the story
of thousands of students across this
country and many on this campus that
have struggled with addiction or found
their way to recovery isn’t being a
little kid great not a thing to worry
about in the world
I was a pretty happy kid pretty cute too
if I do say so myself
I played soccer I even got a black belt
in karate my favorite thing to do though
was to ride this neon yellow bike I had
as fast as I can
down the street slam on the brakes and
ski up the back tire down the road I
always thought that was pretty cool
I also remembered being pretty good at
school without trying all that hard and
can even remember my mom taking me to
visit some colleges that she was hoping
I would start thinking about when I was
about middle school age Duke Princeton
Berkeley that was our plan addiction
doesn’t care much about our plans by the
time I had set foot in high school I had
started feeling extremely depressed so
depressed in fact that I was having
trouble getting out of bed I looked at
all the other kids around me they seemed
so happy and made life’s look so easy
all the pressures to succeed fit in good
good grades wear the right clothes plan
for the right College and of course I
got exposed to drugs and alcohol I heard
over and over you have so much potential
you could really be great if you just
apply yourself but it’s kind of hard to
apply yourself when you can’t even get
out of bed isn’t it rather than try and
risk failure it felt easier to just give
up and drugs became at first a
medication that I was using to deal with
the sadness that I was experiencing in
about a year and a half’s time I went
from being a straight-a student to
dropping out in the 10th grade things
got much worse I was born in Holland and
the Dutch word for addiction is fair
slapped it translates to enslaved the
word fix because addiction leaves you
feeling completely enslaved in a state
of hopelessness addiction isn’t fun
I wanted help and I wanted to ask but I
didn’t know where to turn
despite having a good family strong
personal morals and plenty of willpower
I was not able to stop on my own through
a hospital visit I found myself in drug
treatment you know rehab I was 20 years
old and I was being told that I could
never drink or use drugs ever again
despite the wreckage of my life if you
had asked me then I’m sure I would have
told you I could quit on my own
accepting help felt like admitting
weakness addicts are weak aren’t they
regardless I was starting to feel quite
a bit better my mind was clearing I was
laughing and making friends and having
fun for the first time that I had in
many
staying sober was looking ok I guess
one day we did an activity the guys in
my group would get strapped up into this
harness and one-by-one climb to the top
of that 60-foot telephone pole they’d
get to the top stand on this little
wooden platform and jump off again this
was supposed to symbolize courage and
surrender I stood back I made my best
this is so stupid face
but despite myself I really wanted to
climb that telephone pole too and a few
weeks later I got my chance I carefully
made my way up to the top it was a lot
scarier than I expected it to be I
looked at this one square foot platform
that they wanted me to stand on and
doing my best to seem cool and confident
I climbed up I took a deep breath and I
jumped off there’s a few seconds before
you feel that harness catch your weight
but when it does you realize that you’re
safe and the next thing I knew I could
hear the cheers and applause from all my
new friends down below I’m never going
to forget that experience and I’m never
going to forget it because it was a lot
like asking for help for addiction I
didn’t want to do it at first I stood
back watching trying to convince myself
that I was right and everyone else was
stupid and when I finally did ask for
help it felt quite a bit like falling
before I realized I was safe but before
I knew it I was surrounded by people
that were cheering me on in fact I found
out about a whole community of people
with past like mine that had changed
their lives people in recovery addiction
touches every family in this country and
it doesn’t discriminate based on age
race sexual orientation income level or
education in fact there are 23 million
people in this country that live in some
form of recovery and in addition to that
there are another 25 million people
living with an untreated drug or alcohol
addiction right now that need help
that’s nearly 50 million people 50
million people is equivalent to adding
together the populations of every single
person in the states that are listed on
this map above in red 50 million people
living in addiction in recovery and
don’t even know so six years ago I was
starting my first college classes I was
barely twenty-one and I hadn’t had a sip
of alcohol or a drug in almost two years
I’d sit in class and I would listen as
the other students would plan for the
party they’d be going to later that day
I pray that they wouldn’t invite me not
because I didn’t want to go but because
I didn’t want to make up an excuse about
why I couldn’t drink with them being in
Sobers and college is totally weird
isn’t it I mean here I was making by
what all accounts was this really
positive change in my life and I
couldn’t talk about it for fear of being
rejected I figured that there was no way
that you could go to college sober and
still have fun fortunately I was wrong
about that all across the country
universities have begun to realize and
acknowledge their students in recovery
collegiate recovery programs are on
campus University sanctioned groups that
bring together students in recovery they
have things like anonymous hangout
spaces on and off-campus activities
support meetings and service projects
for students I’m proud to say that
Vanderbilt is home to an amazing
collegiate recovery program as well but
most importantly collegiate recovery
programs provide students in recovery a
sense of belonging so I know for a fact
that the only reason that I was admitted
to college was through a collegiate
recovery program after all
I’m a high school dropout but guess what
happens when you give somebody a second
chance that they never thought that they
were going to have they thrive so I
completed my undergraduate education at
a different institution in only three
years as valedictorian of my class and
during that time I applied to Vanderbilt
as a transfer student but didn’t get in
so I’d come to campus and I’d sit on a
bench right outside of this building
watching as the other students walked by
and envisioning myself being one of them
a collegiate recovery community made all
the difference in the world
it’s generally known that only about 40%
of people that are completing drug
treatment programs are going to stay
sober after the first year however
emerging research has
even that 92% of students that are
active in a collegiate recovery program
are staying sober
92% compared to only 40% completing drug
treatment without such a community so if
we have a cost effective and successful
framework that supports students in
recovery why have we not heard of these
programs and why aren’t they everywhere
I believe the answer to that is stigma
stigma is keeping us from talking openly
about these issues and it’s keeping us
from connecting with people all around
us that need our help and it’s time to
change that I told you guys that
collegiate recovery program made all the
difference in the world
when I was sitting out on that bench
watching the students walk by I wasn’t
sure that I could ever get into an
institution like this but because of the
community that was around me it ended up
happening I’m proud to say that I
completed my master’s degree here at
Vanderbilt last May
I haven’t taken a drink or a drug in
nearly eight years so now I asked you if
you had a friend that was struggling
with an addiction would you reach out to
them or would you avoid it to not have
to have such an awkward conversation and
if that friend chose to be in recovery
would you still support them would they
still fit in in your friend group or
would they become socially isolated
because they no longer drink was trying
to do something positive with their life
when I was in my addiction I had
convinced myself that I was completely
alone however you are not alone in
addiction or recovery and if I could ask
everybody in the audience at this point
if you’re willing if you’re comfortable
if you consider yourself to be a person
in recovery would you please raise your
hand
thank you very much we’re cup recovery
is everywhere and thank goodness for
that addiction isolates us but recovery
brings us together when I went to
treatment I found out that recovery was
possible but when I went to college in
recovery I found out that anything is
possible
Thanks
[Applause]
uncomfortable word isn’t it this is a
word that we need to get more
comfortable with because by not talking
about addiction we’re ignoring one of
the greatest threats to human health to
date in the ten minutes it’s going to
take me to give this talk three
Americans are gonna pass away from a
drug or alcohol-related cause so I was
getting ready for this talk and I was
trying to come up with a story from my
life something to tell you guys that
would be generic enough so anyone in the
audience could relate and yet specific
enough so you’d really connect to the
details you know turns out nothing about
my life has really been all that generic
so I’m gonna have to tell you my story
the way it really happened and hope that
you’re still able to connect anyway I
haven’t taken a traditional route
through college but we’ll get to that in
a minute by now we’ve probably all
started to hear about the opioid
epidemic and I’ve heard some statistics
about drug overdose the statistics are
pretty terrible did you know that more
people died from a drug overdose last
year than those that died in car
accidents but one of the problems with
statistics is that we can separate
ourselves from them you probably just
did it just then when I told you that
when something is uncomfortable we want
to separate ourselves from it and
convince ourselves that it’s not
affecting us directly but one of the
issues with this is that it is
disconnecting us from human beings
suffering all around us that need our
help
TEDx Vanderbilt is about sharing stories
and I believe that if we got vulnerable
and shared our stories with one another
we’d begin to connect on a deeper level
so even though I’m gonna be sharing a
bit about my story it mirrors the story
of thousands of students across this
country and many on this campus that
have struggled with addiction or found
their way to recovery isn’t being a
little kid great not a thing to worry
about in the world
I was a pretty happy kid pretty cute too
if I do say so myself
I played soccer I even got a black belt
in karate my favorite thing to do though
was to ride this neon yellow bike I had
as fast as I can
down the street slam on the brakes and
ski up the back tire down the road I
always thought that was pretty cool
I also remembered being pretty good at
school without trying all that hard and
can even remember my mom taking me to
visit some colleges that she was hoping
I would start thinking about when I was
about middle school age Duke Princeton
Berkeley that was our plan addiction
doesn’t care much about our plans by the
time I had set foot in high school I had
started feeling extremely depressed so
depressed in fact that I was having
trouble getting out of bed I looked at
all the other kids around me they seemed
so happy and made life’s look so easy
all the pressures to succeed fit in good
good grades wear the right clothes plan
for the right College and of course I
got exposed to drugs and alcohol I heard
over and over you have so much potential
you could really be great if you just
apply yourself but it’s kind of hard to
apply yourself when you can’t even get
out of bed isn’t it rather than try and
risk failure it felt easier to just give
up and drugs became at first a
medication that I was using to deal with
the sadness that I was experiencing in
about a year and a half’s time I went
from being a straight-a student to
dropping out in the 10th grade things
got much worse I was born in Holland and
the Dutch word for addiction is fair
slapped it translates to enslaved the
word fix because addiction leaves you
feeling completely enslaved in a state
of hopelessness addiction isn’t fun
I wanted help and I wanted to ask but I
didn’t know where to turn
despite having a good family strong
personal morals and plenty of willpower
I was not able to stop on my own through
a hospital visit I found myself in drug
treatment you know rehab I was 20 years
old and I was being told that I could
never drink or use drugs ever again
despite the wreckage of my life if you
had asked me then I’m sure I would have
told you I could quit on my own
accepting help felt like admitting
weakness addicts are weak aren’t they
regardless I was starting to feel quite
a bit better my mind was clearing I was
laughing and making friends and having
fun for the first time that I had in
many
staying sober was looking ok I guess
one day we did an activity the guys in
my group would get strapped up into this
harness and one-by-one climb to the top
of that 60-foot telephone pole they’d
get to the top stand on this little
wooden platform and jump off again this
was supposed to symbolize courage and
surrender I stood back I made my best
this is so stupid face
but despite myself I really wanted to
climb that telephone pole too and a few
weeks later I got my chance I carefully
made my way up to the top it was a lot
scarier than I expected it to be I
looked at this one square foot platform
that they wanted me to stand on and
doing my best to seem cool and confident
I climbed up I took a deep breath and I
jumped off there’s a few seconds before
you feel that harness catch your weight
but when it does you realize that you’re
safe and the next thing I knew I could
hear the cheers and applause from all my
new friends down below I’m never going
to forget that experience and I’m never
going to forget it because it was a lot
like asking for help for addiction I
didn’t want to do it at first I stood
back watching trying to convince myself
that I was right and everyone else was
stupid and when I finally did ask for
help it felt quite a bit like falling
before I realized I was safe but before
I knew it I was surrounded by people
that were cheering me on in fact I found
out about a whole community of people
with past like mine that had changed
their lives people in recovery addiction
touches every family in this country and
it doesn’t discriminate based on age
race sexual orientation income level or
education in fact there are 23 million
people in this country that live in some
form of recovery and in addition to that
there are another 25 million people
living with an untreated drug or alcohol
addiction right now that need help
that’s nearly 50 million people 50
million people is equivalent to adding
together the populations of every single
person in the states that are listed on
this map above in red 50 million people
living in addiction in recovery and
don’t even know so six years ago I was
starting my first college classes I was
barely twenty-one and I hadn’t had a sip
of alcohol or a drug in almost two years
I’d sit in class and I would listen as
the other students would plan for the
party they’d be going to later that day
I pray that they wouldn’t invite me not
because I didn’t want to go but because
I didn’t want to make up an excuse about
why I couldn’t drink with them being in
Sobers and college is totally weird
isn’t it I mean here I was making by
what all accounts was this really
positive change in my life and I
couldn’t talk about it for fear of being
rejected I figured that there was no way
that you could go to college sober and
still have fun fortunately I was wrong
about that all across the country
universities have begun to realize and
acknowledge their students in recovery
collegiate recovery programs are on
campus University sanctioned groups that
bring together students in recovery they
have things like anonymous hangout
spaces on and off-campus activities
support meetings and service projects
for students I’m proud to say that
Vanderbilt is home to an amazing
collegiate recovery program as well but
most importantly collegiate recovery
programs provide students in recovery a
sense of belonging so I know for a fact
that the only reason that I was admitted
to college was through a collegiate
recovery program after all
I’m a high school dropout but guess what
happens when you give somebody a second
chance that they never thought that they
were going to have they thrive so I
completed my undergraduate education at
a different institution in only three
years as valedictorian of my class and
during that time I applied to Vanderbilt
as a transfer student but didn’t get in
so I’d come to campus and I’d sit on a
bench right outside of this building
watching as the other students walked by
and envisioning myself being one of them
a collegiate recovery community made all
the difference in the world
it’s generally known that only about 40%
of people that are completing drug
treatment programs are going to stay
sober after the first year however
emerging research has
even that 92% of students that are
active in a collegiate recovery program
are staying sober
92% compared to only 40% completing drug
treatment without such a community so if
we have a cost effective and successful
framework that supports students in
recovery why have we not heard of these
programs and why aren’t they everywhere
I believe the answer to that is stigma
stigma is keeping us from talking openly
about these issues and it’s keeping us
from connecting with people all around
us that need our help and it’s time to
change that I told you guys that
collegiate recovery program made all the
difference in the world
when I was sitting out on that bench
watching the students walk by I wasn’t
sure that I could ever get into an
institution like this but because of the
community that was around me it ended up
happening I’m proud to say that I
completed my master’s degree here at
Vanderbilt last May
I haven’t taken a drink or a drug in
nearly eight years so now I asked you if
you had a friend that was struggling
with an addiction would you reach out to
them or would you avoid it to not have
to have such an awkward conversation and
if that friend chose to be in recovery
would you still support them would they
still fit in in your friend group or
would they become socially isolated
because they no longer drink was trying
to do something positive with their life
when I was in my addiction I had
convinced myself that I was completely
alone however you are not alone in
addiction or recovery and if I could ask
everybody in the audience at this point
if you’re willing if you’re comfortable
if you consider yourself to be a person
in recovery would you please raise your
hand
thank you very much we’re cup recovery
is everywhere and thank goodness for
that addiction isolates us but recovery
brings us together when I went to
treatment I found out that recovery was
possible but when I went to college in
recovery I found out that anything is
possible
Thanks
[Applause]
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