I’d like to start by saying that I
graduated from MMS three years ago and
it’s great to be back and it feels like
home
[Music]
[Applause]
now as you heard from safe and Malak and
Salma they were talking about 8 a.m.
classes I like to short with a small
story about the first time I had an 8
a.m. class in university now I imagine
being in an 8 a.m. class and having the
instructor ask you what do you think is
your biggest problem now mind you this
was my first psychology class that I
ever went to now I went in going
thinking into that class that they’re
going to dig so deep into my
insecurities you know by psychology
vicodin and I thought about it for five
minutes and I thought to myself houston
I have many problems now after my
self-deprecating inner dialogue I
thought my biggest problem is my
self-esteem now this is the reason I’m
here to talk to you today I’m going to
talk to you about the time I realized
that and I have pledged since then to
talk about issues that are important and
personal to me now others might ask why
talk about this and why now well I’d
like to say that I’ve seen it in my own
personal life and as well as my academic
life that so many people have problems
with their self-esteem they have issues
with themselves now that in turn
inspired me to do a talk about
gender-based bullying I hosted that I
organized it
and through that event I realized that
bullying affects different people
differently now I thought of this title
because you know why in a bit so through
that event I again I realized that it
affects people differently now let’s go
back a few years and I’d like to talk to
you about my middle and high school
years now they were very confusing and
impactful period on my of my life I was
this little short kid who always tried
his best to stay on the sidelines who
always didn’t want to bring attention to
himself now naturally that put a
bull’s-eye on my back I was bullied both
verbally and relationally now an example
of verbal bullying would be that someone
would say like a sentence as you walked
by or someone says to you in your face
you’re this or that this is verbal
yang’s very self-explanatory
now relationally is where it gets tricky
and an example of that would be you know
those times when you hear a rumor about
yourself and you find out that one of
your closest friends is saying things
about you behind your back or those
times when you thought your friends you
see a picture of your friends on
Facebook and they went out to see an
outing or a birthday without you now who
would have thought that was bullying and
another concept that I realized recently
that I’d like to introduce you to is
social isolation now it’s very
self-explanatory this has two meanings
okay so the first being that you
literally isolated from everyone around
you your your friends your family
everyone now the second me gets
complicated okay so you can be
surrounded by so
any people so many but still have this
feeling of being alone
now another thing that I went through
Annie in school I went through so many
types of bullying that’s one thing that
affected me the most was the idea of gas
lighting okay so gas lighting as you can
see here basically says making someone
question the reality now I went through
this with someone who I thought was my
best friend at the time I was I wanted
to confront him about something he was
doing to me which was violating my trust
now I told him I don’t this is not okay
I don’t like what you’re doing now he
quickly responded what are you saying I
didn’t do anything stop putting words in
my mouth
stop making this up now the his response
made me think hmmm maybe I’m
overreacting is it valid to feel this
way are my feelings legitimate now do
you know you have you probably all of
you who felt the same way did you feel
like you’re upset and you feel like
you’re overreacting and you find people
telling you mr. Daaga wish miss Tala and
then you keep feeling like like you’re
doubting the situation am I allowed to
be upset in the situation or not now I
later realized after lots of thought
that the worst thing you can do is doubt
how much something upset you or how much
something means to you or how much
something hurts you
if you feel like you are upset then that
is enough now fast forward a couple of
years and I’m standing before you today
speaking to a crowd of people this this
is something that little Khaled would
have never thought about doing and what
changed you may ask well remember that
first class I told you about I realized
then and there that I needed to change I
realized that I had a problem so I
counselor told me that one of the things
that she taught me in one of our therapy
sessions was was the idea
looking at your own problems as if there
are someone else’s now what does this
mean it means like you objectively look
at your own problem and treat it as if
it’s someone else’s and then you keep
developing and finding a solution for
that problem and then you feel
compassion towards that person who is in
fact yourself I started to embrace the
fact that I was just human that I might
stop judging myself too harshly and this
is basically what self compassion is as
you can see here now you all believe
that the past cannot be changed right
well which you can change is how that
very same past impacts you now through
objectively analyzing my problems I
began to realize that I was not in fact
overreacting I know my feelings were
valid now it’s not surprising as many
studies show as many psychological
studies show that self compassion leads
to more happiness and optimism and to
less anxiety and depression I was so
displeased with myself back then both
mentally and physically that I fell into
two very common cognitive traps which
are perfectionism and self downing quite
so perfectionism what that entails is it
has the valuable desire to do better to
be better and generally keep the high
standards so far so good right however
since even Olympic gold medalists failed
failed to reach perfection most of the
time we must embrace the idea that
perfection simply doesn’t exist mmm
perfectionism is is a very bad thing and
what that it does is it makes you feel
like you’re never enough
it makes me fear you makes you doubt
yourself but I’d like to say that no one
is ever enough no one is perfect
so give up the idea that you must be
perfect and just keep to your high
standards and focus on what you can
control now moving on to self downing
self downing is basically having a
distorted perception of your value an
example of that would be you know those
times when you fail an exam and you feel
like oh I’m such a failure
I’ll failing at life or those times when
you gain this skill over two kilos or
five and you feel like oh I am the
fattest person in the world I’ll never
lose those this is what basically self
downing is now I realized that being
self-aware is the first step to reaching
all of this that very same class made me
realize all of this now I’d like to wish
good luck to those who are about to
embark on that journey of
self-acceptance and looking at your
problems and as if there were someone
else says and remember that the power to
change comes from within thank you
[Applause]
graduated from MMS three years ago and
it’s great to be back and it feels like
home
[Music]
[Applause]
now as you heard from safe and Malak and
Salma they were talking about 8 a.m.
classes I like to short with a small
story about the first time I had an 8
a.m. class in university now I imagine
being in an 8 a.m. class and having the
instructor ask you what do you think is
your biggest problem now mind you this
was my first psychology class that I
ever went to now I went in going
thinking into that class that they’re
going to dig so deep into my
insecurities you know by psychology
vicodin and I thought about it for five
minutes and I thought to myself houston
I have many problems now after my
self-deprecating inner dialogue I
thought my biggest problem is my
self-esteem now this is the reason I’m
here to talk to you today I’m going to
talk to you about the time I realized
that and I have pledged since then to
talk about issues that are important and
personal to me now others might ask why
talk about this and why now well I’d
like to say that I’ve seen it in my own
personal life and as well as my academic
life that so many people have problems
with their self-esteem they have issues
with themselves now that in turn
inspired me to do a talk about
gender-based bullying I hosted that I
organized it
and through that event I realized that
bullying affects different people
differently now I thought of this title
because you know why in a bit so through
that event I again I realized that it
affects people differently now let’s go
back a few years and I’d like to talk to
you about my middle and high school
years now they were very confusing and
impactful period on my of my life I was
this little short kid who always tried
his best to stay on the sidelines who
always didn’t want to bring attention to
himself now naturally that put a
bull’s-eye on my back I was bullied both
verbally and relationally now an example
of verbal bullying would be that someone
would say like a sentence as you walked
by or someone says to you in your face
you’re this or that this is verbal
yang’s very self-explanatory
now relationally is where it gets tricky
and an example of that would be you know
those times when you hear a rumor about
yourself and you find out that one of
your closest friends is saying things
about you behind your back or those
times when you thought your friends you
see a picture of your friends on
Facebook and they went out to see an
outing or a birthday without you now who
would have thought that was bullying and
another concept that I realized recently
that I’d like to introduce you to is
social isolation now it’s very
self-explanatory this has two meanings
okay so the first being that you
literally isolated from everyone around
you your your friends your family
everyone now the second me gets
complicated okay so you can be
surrounded by so
any people so many but still have this
feeling of being alone
now another thing that I went through
Annie in school I went through so many
types of bullying that’s one thing that
affected me the most was the idea of gas
lighting okay so gas lighting as you can
see here basically says making someone
question the reality now I went through
this with someone who I thought was my
best friend at the time I was I wanted
to confront him about something he was
doing to me which was violating my trust
now I told him I don’t this is not okay
I don’t like what you’re doing now he
quickly responded what are you saying I
didn’t do anything stop putting words in
my mouth
stop making this up now the his response
made me think hmmm maybe I’m
overreacting is it valid to feel this
way are my feelings legitimate now do
you know you have you probably all of
you who felt the same way did you feel
like you’re upset and you feel like
you’re overreacting and you find people
telling you mr. Daaga wish miss Tala and
then you keep feeling like like you’re
doubting the situation am I allowed to
be upset in the situation or not now I
later realized after lots of thought
that the worst thing you can do is doubt
how much something upset you or how much
something means to you or how much
something hurts you
if you feel like you are upset then that
is enough now fast forward a couple of
years and I’m standing before you today
speaking to a crowd of people this this
is something that little Khaled would
have never thought about doing and what
changed you may ask well remember that
first class I told you about I realized
then and there that I needed to change I
realized that I had a problem so I
counselor told me that one of the things
that she taught me in one of our therapy
sessions was was the idea
looking at your own problems as if there
are someone else’s now what does this
mean it means like you objectively look
at your own problem and treat it as if
it’s someone else’s and then you keep
developing and finding a solution for
that problem and then you feel
compassion towards that person who is in
fact yourself I started to embrace the
fact that I was just human that I might
stop judging myself too harshly and this
is basically what self compassion is as
you can see here now you all believe
that the past cannot be changed right
well which you can change is how that
very same past impacts you now through
objectively analyzing my problems I
began to realize that I was not in fact
overreacting I know my feelings were
valid now it’s not surprising as many
studies show as many psychological
studies show that self compassion leads
to more happiness and optimism and to
less anxiety and depression I was so
displeased with myself back then both
mentally and physically that I fell into
two very common cognitive traps which
are perfectionism and self downing quite
so perfectionism what that entails is it
has the valuable desire to do better to
be better and generally keep the high
standards so far so good right however
since even Olympic gold medalists failed
failed to reach perfection most of the
time we must embrace the idea that
perfection simply doesn’t exist mmm
perfectionism is is a very bad thing and
what that it does is it makes you feel
like you’re never enough
it makes me fear you makes you doubt
yourself but I’d like to say that no one
is ever enough no one is perfect
so give up the idea that you must be
perfect and just keep to your high
standards and focus on what you can
control now moving on to self downing
self downing is basically having a
distorted perception of your value an
example of that would be you know those
times when you fail an exam and you feel
like oh I’m such a failure
I’ll failing at life or those times when
you gain this skill over two kilos or
five and you feel like oh I am the
fattest person in the world I’ll never
lose those this is what basically self
downing is now I realized that being
self-aware is the first step to reaching
all of this that very same class made me
realize all of this now I’d like to wish
good luck to those who are about to
embark on that journey of
self-acceptance and looking at your
problems and as if there were someone
else says and remember that the power to
change comes from within thank you
[Applause]
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