Translator: Marina Cheffe Reviewer: Claudia Sander
“Life is not the one we live,
but the one we remember, and how we remember it in order to tell it.”
[Gabriel García Márquez]
Being here in Passo Fundo, to talk about the transforming power of stories,
is going through my own story,
because a big part of my mother’s family is from here.
I used to come here as a child, to spend vacation time with my cousins, brothers,
and also for the family parties.
My grandfather, Mario Goelzer,
was the first wheat farmer to use mechanized farming in Brazil,
here in the lands of Butiá.
Afterwards, he married my grandma Otília, and they had seven children,
among them my mother, who married my father,
and, after having my five brothers, I arrived in this world.
Incidentally, it was yesterday, but 50 years ago.
It is the stories we tell that make us who we are.
And by telling them, we are transformed.
And those who listen are also transformed.
We want to be transformed, we want to change,
but we are all our stories.
Before looking to the future,
we need to look at those who came before us and honor all their stories.
My passion for stories began very early.
I’ve always liked writing, reading, telling.
In school, I even wrote a book called “(Des) Caminhos,” “(Un) Pathways,”
and it is about the death of my father,
or about how I remembered it having happened.
This book helped me live my grief, and I know it helped other people too.
So having used that and having told this story
showed me one of the most beautiful things about this,
which is the power that allows people,
when they feel welcomed into someone else’s story,
to sit on the lap of each other’s stories.
So it’s always very important
that we talk about what happened to us,
because, obviously, someone will come
and will sit on the lap of that story and feel welcomed.
But there was a day when I met all this world here,
TED and TEDx,
and met amazing people, throughout the world.
And so, I, who worked with advertising,
who wrote stories and adverts in 15, 30 seconds, about products,
understood, at the age of 45, that I needed to change;
that I needed to expand.
And so I began to help people tell their stories.
Because the world of advertising had become too small for me.
So I started to do this.
And one of the stories I want to share with you is Tiago’s.
I invited Tiago to speak at TEDxLaçador two years ago,
about entrepreneurship with a purpose, something so trendy nowadays.
But he brought me another challenge, which was to talk about bullying,
because that’s what he’s gone through, and he wanted to share his story.
And I let him, because it had to do with the theme.
But Tiago, while we were preparing for his talk,
he always had a lot of sorrow, and lots of complaints, rightfully so,
about everything that had been done to him.
But what is the point of telling a story,
if we’ll keep complaining about those who did that to us,
instead of inspiring people
so they can feel welcomed and accept who they are,
like we’ve already said here,
without fear?
And he began understanding this and began changing his tone.
And, on that day, Tiago grew onstage.
And he was transformed while he was telling his story
and when he said for the first time that he was gay, openly.
And he spoke with a lot of mastery about bullying, acceptance and family.
And it was beautiful!
I really like telling this,
because this transformation happened not only to him,
but also to the people who know him,
who saw that the arrogance they imagined Tiago had
was nothing but a great defense mechanism.
And they began understanding him better, and he felt acepted.
And just as he felt accepted by telling his own story,
many people feel accepted by hearing his story.
Just last week, he sent me an audio saying
that many boys have been reaching out to him,
especially in a time that is so lacking in dialogue and acceptance,
to tell him that they had felt accepted by hearing his story,
that they wanted to share with him things they were going through in their homes.
Now imagine if Tiago hadn’t told his story;
and hadn’t shared this with people, in a way that held no shame at all.
So, for me, that’s what telling stories is about;
they cause microrevolutions in our lives,
many microrevolutions,
not only in their lives, but in mine as well.
In the life of everyone that goes through a TEDx,
when we choose to listen, we are transformed.
And for me there isn’t a rule about how to tell stories,
although I’ve worked with this for seven years,
coaching many people to be here, in this place.
But, if there isn’t a rule, we can give some tips on how to begin,
like, “Ask the audience a question,
tell something funny,
show them a picture of your children.”
But, in truth, I don’t think this is the most important.
And, for me, if there isn’t a formula, there is a huge rule:
it has to come from the heart.
And, to speak from the heart, you need a lot of courage.
It’s no wonder that in Portuguese, courage, “coragem,”
starts with the same letters as heart, “coração.”
Regarding this, I can tell Avi’s story.
Avi is a professor
at the Hebrew University of Jersusalem.
He researches listening.
We spent months preparing his talk at TEDxLaçador.
And there was always something bothering both him and me.
And one day, two weeks before his talk,
I called him on Skype and said,
“I know what is wrong with this.
Every time you talk to me, you tell me, ‘It’s all here, it’s all here,’
and you show me your head,
when, actually, it must all come from here,
it has to come from the heart.”
And he changed everything.
And on the day of the event, he gave an amazing talk about listening;
about the importance of our listening to other people
and how the fact that he was listened to when he needed it the most,
when he thought about suicide, when he had cancer,
was what made him want to study it.
And it was he that taught me
that we are always really worried about wanting to learn how to speak,
how to tell.
There are so many resources for diction, oratory, writing,
but who is worried about learning to listen?
Because he told me, and we saw this today,
that when we truly listen, we are transformed.
And we are afraid of being transformed.
We are afraid of changing, even though the most used word here is,
“Let’s change, let’s change.”
So we talk about change, but we are always afraid to change.
And because of this fear, we always end up saying, “I won’t even listen,”
to ourselves, and to others.
And listening comes, too, before that famous word: empathy.
We talk so much about empathy,
but we don’t take even a minute to look at others, to go and hug them,
and to say something to them.
We don’t have time for people,
because we are preoccupied with our own lives.
We always have a priority.
So, how can we talk about empathy, if we still haven’t learned how to listen?
This, after listening to his talk, led to another TEDx.
And empathy … here is another story, and I could tell so many,
because I must tell you that, in these seven years,
there were more than 400 people,
more than 400 stories, as diverse as I ever heard,
apart from all the others.
And empathy too, I learned it from Letícia, when she taught me
that we do need to look at the issue of the homeless, for example,
and that when many of us say, in the street,
that we have nothing to give them,
when they ask us for something,
we actually do have something.
We at least have a smile, and that costs us nothing to give.
So, again …
it is the stories that we hear and we tell
that make us who we are.
And, by actually listening to others, we are transformed.
And if others listen it and tell it, they are transformed as well.
And in the middle of the crazy preparation that was this process here for me,
this was not in my script –
I suffered a lot to be here today,
teaching is one thing, doing is another –
many people asked me,
“But Ana, at the end of the day, why do you like doing this so much?
Why are you doing this now, and helping people?”
And the answer, to me, and to everyone,
comes from a poem that I wrote myself,
and now please excuse me, but I will read it.
“I would like to free many of the people that I know.
Return to them the keys to their lives.
To the bedroom of flaws.
To the hall of values.
To the kitchen of insecurities.
I would like to free many of the people I know.
Return to them faith in life.
Faith in some humans.
I would like to free many of the people I know.
Tell them they have the right to change.
The right to cry.
The right not to love 365 days a year,
24 hours a day.
I would like to free many of the people I know.
Free them from their story,
that, although important, is not decisive.
Free them from fear.
I would like many of the people I know
to have at least a minute of rest,
and then look to the side and go back to smiling, telling and listening.”
What about you?
What stories will you tell about your lives?
What stories do you want people to tell about you?
Thank you.
(Applause)
“Life is not the one we live,
but the one we remember, and how we remember it in order to tell it.”
[Gabriel García Márquez]
Being here in Passo Fundo, to talk about the transforming power of stories,
is going through my own story,
because a big part of my mother’s family is from here.
I used to come here as a child, to spend vacation time with my cousins, brothers,
and also for the family parties.
My grandfather, Mario Goelzer,
was the first wheat farmer to use mechanized farming in Brazil,
here in the lands of Butiá.
Afterwards, he married my grandma Otília, and they had seven children,
among them my mother, who married my father,
and, after having my five brothers, I arrived in this world.
Incidentally, it was yesterday, but 50 years ago.
It is the stories we tell that make us who we are.
And by telling them, we are transformed.
And those who listen are also transformed.
We want to be transformed, we want to change,
but we are all our stories.
Before looking to the future,
we need to look at those who came before us and honor all their stories.
My passion for stories began very early.
I’ve always liked writing, reading, telling.
In school, I even wrote a book called “(Des) Caminhos,” “(Un) Pathways,”
and it is about the death of my father,
or about how I remembered it having happened.
This book helped me live my grief, and I know it helped other people too.
So having used that and having told this story
showed me one of the most beautiful things about this,
which is the power that allows people,
when they feel welcomed into someone else’s story,
to sit on the lap of each other’s stories.
So it’s always very important
that we talk about what happened to us,
because, obviously, someone will come
and will sit on the lap of that story and feel welcomed.
But there was a day when I met all this world here,
TED and TEDx,
and met amazing people, throughout the world.
And so, I, who worked with advertising,
who wrote stories and adverts in 15, 30 seconds, about products,
understood, at the age of 45, that I needed to change;
that I needed to expand.
And so I began to help people tell their stories.
Because the world of advertising had become too small for me.
So I started to do this.
And one of the stories I want to share with you is Tiago’s.
I invited Tiago to speak at TEDxLaçador two years ago,
about entrepreneurship with a purpose, something so trendy nowadays.
But he brought me another challenge, which was to talk about bullying,
because that’s what he’s gone through, and he wanted to share his story.
And I let him, because it had to do with the theme.
But Tiago, while we were preparing for his talk,
he always had a lot of sorrow, and lots of complaints, rightfully so,
about everything that had been done to him.
But what is the point of telling a story,
if we’ll keep complaining about those who did that to us,
instead of inspiring people
so they can feel welcomed and accept who they are,
like we’ve already said here,
without fear?
And he began understanding this and began changing his tone.
And, on that day, Tiago grew onstage.
And he was transformed while he was telling his story
and when he said for the first time that he was gay, openly.
And he spoke with a lot of mastery about bullying, acceptance and family.
And it was beautiful!
I really like telling this,
because this transformation happened not only to him,
but also to the people who know him,
who saw that the arrogance they imagined Tiago had
was nothing but a great defense mechanism.
And they began understanding him better, and he felt acepted.
And just as he felt accepted by telling his own story,
many people feel accepted by hearing his story.
Just last week, he sent me an audio saying
that many boys have been reaching out to him,
especially in a time that is so lacking in dialogue and acceptance,
to tell him that they had felt accepted by hearing his story,
that they wanted to share with him things they were going through in their homes.
Now imagine if Tiago hadn’t told his story;
and hadn’t shared this with people, in a way that held no shame at all.
So, for me, that’s what telling stories is about;
they cause microrevolutions in our lives,
many microrevolutions,
not only in their lives, but in mine as well.
In the life of everyone that goes through a TEDx,
when we choose to listen, we are transformed.
And for me there isn’t a rule about how to tell stories,
although I’ve worked with this for seven years,
coaching many people to be here, in this place.
But, if there isn’t a rule, we can give some tips on how to begin,
like, “Ask the audience a question,
tell something funny,
show them a picture of your children.”
But, in truth, I don’t think this is the most important.
And, for me, if there isn’t a formula, there is a huge rule:
it has to come from the heart.
And, to speak from the heart, you need a lot of courage.
It’s no wonder that in Portuguese, courage, “coragem,”
starts with the same letters as heart, “coração.”
Regarding this, I can tell Avi’s story.
Avi is a professor
at the Hebrew University of Jersusalem.
He researches listening.
We spent months preparing his talk at TEDxLaçador.
And there was always something bothering both him and me.
And one day, two weeks before his talk,
I called him on Skype and said,
“I know what is wrong with this.
Every time you talk to me, you tell me, ‘It’s all here, it’s all here,’
and you show me your head,
when, actually, it must all come from here,
it has to come from the heart.”
And he changed everything.
And on the day of the event, he gave an amazing talk about listening;
about the importance of our listening to other people
and how the fact that he was listened to when he needed it the most,
when he thought about suicide, when he had cancer,
was what made him want to study it.
And it was he that taught me
that we are always really worried about wanting to learn how to speak,
how to tell.
There are so many resources for diction, oratory, writing,
but who is worried about learning to listen?
Because he told me, and we saw this today,
that when we truly listen, we are transformed.
And we are afraid of being transformed.
We are afraid of changing, even though the most used word here is,
“Let’s change, let’s change.”
So we talk about change, but we are always afraid to change.
And because of this fear, we always end up saying, “I won’t even listen,”
to ourselves, and to others.
And listening comes, too, before that famous word: empathy.
We talk so much about empathy,
but we don’t take even a minute to look at others, to go and hug them,
and to say something to them.
We don’t have time for people,
because we are preoccupied with our own lives.
We always have a priority.
So, how can we talk about empathy, if we still haven’t learned how to listen?
This, after listening to his talk, led to another TEDx.
And empathy … here is another story, and I could tell so many,
because I must tell you that, in these seven years,
there were more than 400 people,
more than 400 stories, as diverse as I ever heard,
apart from all the others.
And empathy too, I learned it from Letícia, when she taught me
that we do need to look at the issue of the homeless, for example,
and that when many of us say, in the street,
that we have nothing to give them,
when they ask us for something,
we actually do have something.
We at least have a smile, and that costs us nothing to give.
So, again …
it is the stories that we hear and we tell
that make us who we are.
And, by actually listening to others, we are transformed.
And if others listen it and tell it, they are transformed as well.
And in the middle of the crazy preparation that was this process here for me,
this was not in my script –
I suffered a lot to be here today,
teaching is one thing, doing is another –
many people asked me,
“But Ana, at the end of the day, why do you like doing this so much?
Why are you doing this now, and helping people?”
And the answer, to me, and to everyone,
comes from a poem that I wrote myself,
and now please excuse me, but I will read it.
“I would like to free many of the people that I know.
Return to them the keys to their lives.
To the bedroom of flaws.
To the hall of values.
To the kitchen of insecurities.
I would like to free many of the people I know.
Return to them faith in life.
Faith in some humans.
I would like to free many of the people I know.
Tell them they have the right to change.
The right to cry.
The right not to love 365 days a year,
24 hours a day.
I would like to free many of the people I know.
Free them from their story,
that, although important, is not decisive.
Free them from fear.
I would like many of the people I know
to have at least a minute of rest,
and then look to the side and go back to smiling, telling and listening.”
What about you?
What stories will you tell about your lives?
What stories do you want people to tell about you?
Thank you.
(Applause)
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