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La résilience, le pouvoir de rebondir plus haut après une épreuve. | Caroline Codsi | TEDxAsfi


Translator: Mohand Habchi Reviewer: Eric vautier
Hello.
That’s life, we can not do anything.
“That’s life, that’s the way it is. “
And in Arabic mektoub.
It’s written, it’s fate.
God has so decided.
Who are we humble mortals, to change the course of things?
So if this fatalism which is transmitted from generation to generation
and that transcends cultures
can help us to accept a difficult situation happens to us,
This fatalism is not necessarily synonymous with reconstruction.
And if we can agree on the fact
we can not go back,
you can not change the course of events that happened to us,
you still have to say as we say in English:
Life is 20% what happens to you and 80% how you react to it.
This ability to overcome the trauma is called resilience.
Originally, this was a term used in physics and engineering.
After ordering an item and that the distorted,
that the stretched, but we turned the it resumed its original shape.
This was what was called resilience and which was taken in the 90
by American psychiatrists early childhood specialists.
In France, it is Boris Cyrulnik
the famous psychiatrist who has taken that expression
and that tells us that evil is not a destiny.
Nothing is irrevocably registered and can always get by.
You should know that one in two
undergo in his life any trauma.
Whether the premature loss of a loved one,
this is a serious illness, rape, war,
one in two will have to face difficult events.
And you notice around you
some people manage to get by without any difficulty,
while others will sink into depression
and every little negative event will have seemed insurmountable.
So what is a resilient person?
First, to be resilient,
we must not deny the events,
we must not ignore the difficulties that come to occur,
we must deal but you also rebound.
Rebounding is not just adapt to the situation,
bounce is out even stronger following a traumatic event.
It is learning from this experience,
is capitalizing on all this learning then
to be an even stronger person we were before.
Resilience is not hereditary,
there is no resilience gene, it is something that is learned.
By cons, there are scientific studies that have shown
it may be euphoric hormones
which are produced in the first hours of life:
dopamine and serotonin.
And these hormones are in varying amounts.
That is to say that some babies will be born
with larger amounts of these hormones
and therefore will be stronger children psychically
and stronger to become resilient beings.
By cons, there are other factors that are external factors
and internal factors also.
Three key attributes which we can think of.
First, there is the child’s character:
Is this is a flexible child? Is this is a confident child?
There is the family atmosphere that surrounds it.
Did his parents a couple united?
Does it feel like?
Is there heat in the home?
Safety, attachment are essential
during early childhood
to help us develop our resilience.
But there is also the network of external relations, broader.
Is it supporting? Is it reassuring?
The network then will develop over a lifetime
because it is not only the immediate family,
but people who can eventually become a second family.
Statistically a child who has these three attributes together
from the youngest age,
will be better prepared for life, better prepared to overcome difficulties.
Moreover, if he sees his parents when they face a difficulty,
looking for ways to get by,
if the parents have built around them
a link with people in order to talk about the difficulties they experience
rather than pretending as if nothing had happened.
At that time, perseverance they demonstrate,
confidence in the future to demonstrate
will also be an excellent example for the child
for that turn, it can build resilience.
Being a specialist in gender equality,
Faisal told you just now,
this is my daily struggle for a decade,
I would add that women
probably have a predisposition facing resilience.
Probably because of their experience, their history,
too often tinged with oppression, especially in some cultures
and knowing that it is a feature of essential character
to have strong leaders in our businesses,
I think women can have an edge
if given equal opportunity to prove it.
The resilience but also emotional intelligence
which women are showing quite naturally also.
Because if wants to have to grow a business,
must be a leader able to weather the storms
because, inevitably, storms will occur.
And if the slightest blow this leader bends and flows,
he will never make his team follows the
through this storm there.
So the first thing to do
in order to get out of a difficult situation
and able to implement its resilience,
it is not to be considered a victim.
There are several elements which together can help us to be stronger
and I’ll give you some of those elements
you can put into action immediately after the event.
First, consider building your self-esteem,
your confidence, that’s the basis of everything.
From the moment you believe in yourself,
you can also convince others to believe in you.
Also learn how to regulate emotions.
We must get rid of negative emotions
to emphasize the positive emotions,
those that will allow you to see the bright side
to be optimistic, to be positive.
Still having dreams, always have goals to reach,
challenges to overcome, the projects to be implemented.
You show flexible and enthusiastic about the change.
Because of all the ways the changes will happen,
we are in a changing world,
you have to be fit to,
you have to know to act resiliently
and it’s called in English also commonly the “coping”.
Obviously, surround yourself with positive people
who encourage you, who support you.
We all around us caring people
that help us in our goals.
Identify these people
who are not there for the right reasons around you.
These people do not always mean well.
Try to identify and move away from it.
Have a spiritual practice.
It can be meditative, it can be religious,
whatever,
but the key is knowing put into perspective our problems
about the world around us.
And be in gratitude,
Be grateful for everything you have
instead of complaining about what you do not
or what you would like.
Consider that there are people who have much less than you
and who will largely content.
And that famous fatalism of accepting things,
it is still important
because it is essential to accept the situation,
to deal with it, rather than ignore
hoping that maybe they disappear by themselves.
Sometimes it difficult to externalize our feelings
and express them in words.
Some people choose to do this arts.
From painting, to express feelings, emotions.
And the sense of humor.
A laugh is a wonderful way
to change our attitude, to see things differently.
When talking about resilience,
Dump that aseptic notion of life
that makes us think that everything will always go well.
Speaking of resilience, it is recognized
we will perhaps be confronted with difficulties
but a way to get out there and want to set up
all the mechanisms needed to bounce back.
This message is powerful especially for parents or educators
who sometimes too tendency to want to protect their children,
putting them in a glass bell
thinking this is the best way to keep them safe from trouble.
But in fact, we do not give them the tools
to face life, we can not always be there to protect them,
we must instead teach them mechanisms
that will allow them to be resilient
the day that a problem will hit.
We are never safe,
never safe from destructive acts against which we have no means.
That’s something I learned
during the 15 years of civil war in Lebanon.
I was only 7 years old when the war began,
I was 22 when it ended.
Now that I live in Canada,
I feel necessarily more safe,
much safer.
But are we really safe?
Is it safe on the Champs Elysees? In Stockholm?
Is it is sheltered in St. Petersburg?
Shortly wins where we live, whether in a country at war,
whether in a land of peace,
we are nowhere exempt from a fight fallout
which we have never chosen to take part.
We may face day to day assault
whether human, whether natural,
a disaster can happen without our control.
It is necessary to learn to overcome the worst events
because we might one day be arbitrary targets.
The Lebanese, mostly developed
great qualities thanks to the resilience,
such as courage, such as perseverance.
Few people also saw their country destroyed and rebuilt many times
always with optimism, positivism and smile.
Having for many years been ashamed to talk about my troubled past,
perhaps unconsciously to prevent it imprisons me
a victim of straitjacket which I did not want,
I have chosen now to highlight
of course women and men
who did extraordinary things
despite the difficulties they were able to live in their childhood.
Besides, here in Morocco,
you have an example of the finest in the person of If Miloud Chaabi.
I had the great honor
to be invited to Rabat by his daughter, Asma Chaabi,
for the tribute to this great man, in his memory – he died a year ago.
I discovered the exceptional career of a self shepherd
if from a poor family
one of his younger brothers died of starvation.
Miloud Chaabi has decided to run away at the age of 12 years only.
He decided to defy his fate and he went from village to village,
from job to odd job,
until arriving in Rabat at the age of 18 years
to start a business in the field of construction.
And 20 years later,
it became one of the most powerful men in Morocco.
The self-made billionaire unlikely
in a universe of heirs of large families.
What touched me the most in its history,
is empathy he has shown
to people he left behind.
The city of Essaouira
is very grateful for all he did.
He is a big man, very voluntary, very unselfish,
in self-help, in solidarity
and these are qualities that promote resilience.
The worst disaster in life can not break us.
The worst thing is if that person feels like a victim,
there she will not manage to get by.
Sometimes the entourage that wants benevolent
does not realize that this person locks
a victim of circumstances,
it is the identity that gives it and as a victim, his pride is lost.
If one is all the time trying to feel pity others look at us,
how to grow, regain its pride,
which is essential to be able to contribute again,
in order to have projects which we will be proud of?
At the intersection of the individual and its environment,
Resilience is an ongoing process that will last a lifetime.
Resilience is not innate,
resilience has no power to repel challenges
to make us safe from hard shocks of life.
By cons resilience will enable us to withstand the difficulties,
it will allow us to grow into an even stronger being
and even if adversity comes our way,
because there is an even chance that adversity comes our way.
Resilience gives us hope
to once again lead a fulfilled life.
The hope is to live, do not deprive yourself.
Thank you.
(Applause)
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