I was on stage with my scene partner and
we were acting out an improv scene we
were playing those guards that keep
watch over the statues at the White
House the problem with the scene was
that we were both vying to get the most
control to dictate where the scene was
going and it just ended up in this
ultimate back-and-forth exchange that
was really awkward and painful and it
all political scene nowhere and I
remember our teacher at one point just
called out someone be the loser and so I
did and with that I had the power the
scene was in my control for the past
three years of high school I’ve
struggled with depression and a clinical
anxiety disorder added to the already
rapidly fluctuating and confusing
unpredictability that is teenage growth
I can tell you that the past three years
have been nothing short of difficult
draining and often times hopeless but in
the next few minutes I have I want to
show you how it is that I came to the
realization that I wouldn’t change these
past three years for anything because
learning to take power as the loser is
the best life lesson that I believe
anyone can learn so tuck your pride in
preconceptions away as I follow you
through how it is that I came to that
conclusion but the first thing I learned
in all of this a thing that I hated to
learn as the very stubborn person that I
am is that none of this nothing I show
you will work in general if you are
defensive our first reaction when called
out either by ourselves or by others are
simply by the situation is to be
defensive but that defensiveness acts as
a wall it prevents growth and
constructiveness for both parties but
namely for you defensiveness boils down
to a lack of humility and honesty for
any personal growth or even just
acceptance to occur it is imperative
that you are honest and reasonable with
yourself we can be defensive towards
their own thoughts and preconceptions
about ourselves not just words from
others and it’ll often take forms that
you’re not even fully aware of it’ll
take the form of just not wanting to
accept accept that if you get out of bed
you’ll have a lot of work to do except
that you’re not sure where to start
except that maybe you haven’t been doing
your best
all along and we frame those all as bad
things as things we don’t want to think
about so we don’t our defensive nough
serves as denial getting to a point
where you can admit to yourself that
you’re stuck or that you didn’t do your
best or that you need help is one of the
most relieving feelings you can have
because it’s people especially teens
nowadays we set such unreasonable
expectations for ourselves and we put so
much weight on perfection we forget how
much the progress part really matters we
forget that we’re human and that we’re
not even fully shaped humans but humans
still experiencing and still learning
and still failing and we forget that
that’s okay an area in need of growth a
personal weakness is not a defect it is
not pathetic
it’s the starting line and wherever you
go from there can only be forward but
you have to be willing to step up and
start and to do that you have to be
honest with yourself now I know that
you’ve learned is that in order to walk
you’ve got to put one foot in front of
the other and it’s an overall forward
projecting process however I’ve
discovered that the most successful and
effective movement forward in the long
step negative one of achieving personal
growth or really any goal that you set
for yourself I believe is stepping back
it’s important to ask yourself where it
was that you were before what about your
situation hasn’t been working that you
want to change and moreover why what
constructive impact will provide your
overall quality of life that intrinsic
motivation is imperative to hold on to
as it’s going to be what drives you
throughout the rest of the entire
process step 0 the baseline the now
pause and recognize where you are now at
this point you’ve managed to shape your
mindset enough to recognize that there’s
room to move forward and that’s
important here is where you begin to
identify what’s going to be a value for
you going forward where you’ve got a
feel of the reality of the situation
what’s reasonable to expect going
forward step 1 ask yourself where
exactly you want to be in the future
this is where you get down to the detail
breaking things down is essential to
making goals approachable so what what
are your objectives
how can you prioritize them with
specific support will you need to get
there what obstacles can get in your way
more overly moreover how can you
proactively prevent them all the while
keeping in mind the why of the objective
why have you set out on this journey in
the first place step 2
reflecting as you go not just at the end
be appreciative at every step of the way
somehow you got from being stuck at
wherever it was that you were at the
beginning and you move forward you made
progress and it’s so important to
recognize that within yourself any
amount of progress if you get angry with
yourself for not being a step further
where you initially expected to be
you’re simply building up the amount of
weight on yourself and it’ll keep you
from going forward because every moment
you’re working really hard to get to the
next step all you’ll be thinking about
is how you should have been a step
further and that’s not a very productive
mindset part of appreciating where you
are being grateful for the present
should be a daily mindset one thing I
found to be really successful in my own
life is to work in 30 minutes a day of
simple happy time do whatever it is that
makes you happy it without the guilt
that you have other stuff you should be
doing in these 30 minutes there’s
nothing you should be doing but what
makes you happy with someone who has
anxiety that’s one of the biggest gifts
you can give yourself is 30 minutes
without any shoulds because for someone
who has anxiety your life is one big
should I should be doing this I should
not be doing this
I should be this now to some of you this
way of approaching growth and
accomplishing your goals might seem like
overkill but when you’re sitting in bed
or watching TV because you don’t want to
confront your responsibilities breaking
them down like this helps once you’re
huge overbearing burden is broken down
into tangible pieces all of a sudden
things seem a lot easier it also helps
you remember why you’re going to so much
trouble why did you start this project
or take this harder class and not why
needs to be what drives you and if that
why isn’t there
well then maybe your time is better
spent somewhere else and this brings me
to my next point the differences in
mindset that one can have when
approaching a plan B one can either view
a plan B as a fallback plan or fall
through plan depending on their mindset
going in a fall black a fallback plan
means creating a thought a plan B with a
mindset but if your success doesn’t work
out you’ve failed and have to fall back
on something without having made
progress a fall through plan is or
formed mindset of approaching your plan
B but if your first plan your plan a
didn’t work out you phone through to
something new and you’ve still learned
from it and ended up further along your
path than when you started
when you view your potential Plan B with
a mindset aligned with the fallback plan
and often translates to not putting your
all in in the first place with Plan A
because if that doesn’t work out you’ll
believe that you have failed it’s taken
me a very long time to realize that
failing after putting my all into
something is in fact better than failing
after having because I didn’t try my
hardest because if you don’t try your
hardest you’ll never even know what
you’re capable of and furthermore this
is ultimately why I don’t believe in
regrets not because I don’t have things
in my life to regret per se but because
I try to envision every mistake
embarrassment moment of pain as a
learning experience as an indicator of
okay here’s my starting line wherever I
go from here can only be forward I don’t
believe everything happens for a reason
although in moments of weakness I like
to convince myself of it but I do
believe that we absolutely have
something to learn from every single
thing that happens and with everything
that happens we have the opportunity to
decide to grow as people and that’s the
only reason I need so all in all my
theory unsuccessfully reaching your
goals requires the following you have to
start with passion or purpose there has
to be that reason why passion or purpose
is the driving force behind everything
then you need motivation that initial
drive to shock you into getting up
getting started and doing
and the ultimate and longer-lasting
determination to sustain me the plans
steps negative one to two to fall with
Rio into shape and guide that passion
and every step of the way you have to
reflect and appreciate where you’ve
gotten appreciation is the distance not
the displacement when it comes to your
journey and that you should appreciate
your whole journey even the parts where
you feel you’re going backwards because
if you learn from those times then
you’re still moving forward failure is
what shapes us it’s what gives us that
starting point so now I’m going to point
out to you where in the process
depression and anxiety play a role the
passion part is still entirely intact
but depression fully eliminates the
motivation section and anxiety puts the
determination section and an unhealthy
overdrive if it’s not channeled properly
it’s like taking adderall when you don’t
have ADHD what pushes you through the
goal process is that happy motivation to
follow your passions as it should be
it’s all the lingering questions of what
if what if I don’t finish what if I
don’t do it right what if this dictates
my whole future what if there’s
something wrong with me if you know that
all these questions are going to weigh
on you the second you start tackling
your goals you can imagine why anxiety
also plays into diminishing the
motivation aspect as well having a
passion with no way to pursue it is to
pursue it is endlessly frustrating but a
huge key to unlocking the motivation and
determination section is the
appreciation section accepting that
where you are is okay and then even just
one step forward is a step in the right
direction
it’s about progress not perfection it’s
about trying to be just one step further
than where you were yesterday because
that’s progress
no one should feel powerless when it
comes to their own life or pursuing
their own passions I wholeheartedly
believe that anyone can accomplish what
they set out for themselves if they
approach it with tact and with heart any
pursuit no matter how big or how small
will always start with just one step and
I implore you to it
spearmint with what happens with with
when that first step is backwards
enabling you to reflect collect yourself
and plan ahead because you can move
forward by taking a step back and
oftentimes it’s the most effective way
to do so thank you [Applause]