all of us in this room right every
single one of us we’ve gone through some
kind of emotional pain right let’s talk
about it whether it is the need to
belong the need for affirmation the need
for affection maybe the need to have
some control in your lives but that’s
nice
sometimes we have needs that go unmet
and sometimes it feels rather cruel when
our needs are unmet you can just ask my
15 month old son he experiences
heartache everyday because I don’t let
him chew on wires all he’s ever wanted
and is very short lifespan is to go
bananas on my phone charger and it
breaks his heart every day that I tell
him now nobody you can’t a rational or
irrational to hurt is human and any kind
of emotional pain that we go through it
can all fall on the spectrum of trauma
so if you think back to adolescents
those mortifying memories that still
haunt you from your teenage years they
can be traumatic or we have professional
goals that maybe we don’t meet we went
up for that dream job and you know we
didn’t get it and now we have to regroup
and figure out what to do next that can
be traumatic maybe we want to connect to
our parents or our child or a sibling at
least don’t know what to say or how to
say it that disconnect can be very
traumatic and then of course we have
what’s more obviously traumatic like car
accidents sexual assault genocide and
war all of these things are trauma the
nice thing about trauma is that we can
fix it though we can help people heal
from just about anything that they’ve
gone through on the lighter end of
emotional pain loneliness embarrassment
all the way to horrifying
issues that lead to PTSD and psychosis
we can help people heal and the way
people heal kind of looks the same if
you really break it down look into
evidence-based interventions they can
all be broken down into three basic
components we all heal from trauma with
three basic things the first of which
and really the foundation for healing is
human relationships if you have at least
one safe warm nurturing relationship in
your life that’s the first thing you
need to heal from trauma relationships
help activate the parts of your brain
that calm down that relax it helps you
find peace helps you have more verbal
understanding and communication and when
you’re going through something traumatic
your brain shuts down it turns all those
parts off it turns off the parts of your
brain that you need to use in order to
heal relationships turn them back on
relationships help you feel safe enough
to heal and that’s kind of step one if
you can imagine and if you’re liking
it’s not that hard to imagine but
imagine if you’re an offender bender
everyone’s fine no one’s hurt you’re
calm you’re cool you’re collected it
took insurance information
you’re good you’re driving away and you
start to call your mom or your spouse or
your best friend it was really did not
learn that no distracted driving less
than two seconds ago so you call them
and the calm cool you is gone as soon as
you hear their voice right or if you
wait to get home because you’re a smart
person good for you then as soon as you
see their face your body can relax you
can calm down you feel safe with this
person and that’s the prerequisite for
all healing relationships I’ve often
hurt you but relationships are what will
heal you relationships are the
foundation for all healing from any kind
of emotional trauma light under the
spectrum all the way to psychosis
relationships help us heal and there
really the foundation for the second
thing that we need to do if we want to
heal from trauma the second thing we
must do if we want to heal from trauma
is that we have to look truthfully at
our pain we have to go there we have to
look honestly at what happened to us and
process it but we do not want to do that
right there are a lot of things we
rather do then look at and deal with our
pain so be ok just go up to happy hour
well drink a little well more than we
normally do or we’ll jump into a new
relationship because we don’t want to
look at how much our heart was broken
with our last relationship but your mind
to you with that so we’ll just jump into
a new one or we don’t feel good about
ourselves
so we’ll just go eat our feelings like
all of these things we’re running from
our pain sometimes literally we’ll take
painkillers because we don’t want to
hurt the number one cause of death for
anyone under the age of 50 is drug
overdose as of last year we don’t want
to hurt we do not want to hurt our
brains and our bodies shut down when we
feel this pain and so again that’s where
relationships come in they help you feel
safe enough to look at it to go there
speaking of drugs there to illustrate
the importance of looking truthfully of
what you’ve gone through researchers are
looking at the use of Mali or MDMA with
PTSD survivors so what is Mali other
than meme ours and commish mints
favorite American Girl doll Mali is a
form of ecstasy right if you remember
Jenny from Forrest Gump
of course he remember Jenny from force
cotton but if you remember when it was
New Year’s Eve she had those Salado
heels on she was high as a kite it was
the 70s she was on ecstasy Molly makes
you stupidly brave makes you stupidly
brave so you do Stu
good things for someone who has PTSD
what happens when they get triggered by
a memory of what they went through their
brains and bodies start shutting down at
a survival they go to survival mode and
you can’t deal with your pain because
your brain that part’s turned off it’s
too scary so they can’t process it so
they give them Molly they administer it
it’s it’s researchers it’s it’s for a
good cause
it is the gift people with PTSD Molly
and then they talk about what they went
through they go there and they can’t go
there otherwise and it’s too scary so
Molly helps them look truthfully at what
they went through and otherwise her
bodies and their brains would shut down
I am not at all condoning the use of any
illicit drugs the thought of that
terrifies me but we don’t even need
Molly either relationships give us that
safe warm nurturing relationships that’s
what gives us the bravery to look
truthfully of what we went through and
so you go to a counselling session and
then you go get dinner with a friend or
you go do yoga and then you go get
brunch with your partner you have those
relationships that give you the bravery
and the capacity to look truthfully at
what happened to you about what she went
through and we do not heal an isolation
we only heal in the context of of
relationships so relationships also give
us the last thing and Dericks in the
most important part of healing and
really the hardest part as well you have
to forgive you have to forgive the
person who hurt you
it allowed you to be hurt who failed you
who broke your heart you have to forgive
them with compassion
knowing that their own issues their
unresolved trauma does to them what it
does to us it seeps out it spills on to
our loved ones wrecks havoc in our lives
that’s what trauma does if we don’t heal
from it the person who hurt you is
hurting them
selves they have also gone through very
difficult things and when we look
truthfully about we’ve went through we
can start seeing the circumstances that
led to our own pain but also theirs as
well so maybe your parents didn’t give
you everything you need it but when you
look truthfully at what she went through
looking at what they had and where they
were you start to realize that maybe
they gave you all they had to give if
you have a friend who betrayed your
trust you can start to see again what
what was circumstances that led to that
it’s not okay but you can see what they
were going through and have that
compassion for them if it’s someone
outside of you you necessarily need to
forgive them or it’s like told them that
you forgive them directly restart that
relationship you just have to forgive
them for yourself you may need to
forgive the benevolent God who didn’t
intervene what do you need them to you
may need to forgive yourself and like of
all that regrets even holding all those
memories that you won’t let go of so
again this is where relationships come
and it doesn’t mean that forgiveness
doesn’t mean that it’s retroactive
permission it’s not saying that what
happened to you the offense that was
done to your body your spirit or dignity
it doesn’t say that it was okay but it
gives you freedom when you go through
trauma your voice is robbed your control
is robbed your power is robbed and when
you forgive you get your power back
again a relationships give us the
strength to do that so it’s terrifying
to think of forgiving right it’s
terrifying to think of that if we let go
of something we’ve held on for you for
so long we may fear that will disappear
with it so look at loss that’s see a
little get swallowed up in the magnitude
of forgiving but relationships anchor
you helping you find your voice in the
aftermath so follow recommendations by
mental health providers which will often
look like cognitive behavior therapy
exposure therapy medication exercise
even a schedule all of those things work
really well at hee
drama and the basic components are all
the same truth forgiveness and
relationships don’t rush it because that
can cause psychosis
so don’t look at what you went through
too quickly without support but healing
is possible seek people out when you’re
hurting invest the time and the energy
to do what’s unspeakably painful and
difficult but worth it do the work of
healing look truthfully at what you went
through
forgive with compassion all in the
context of a relationship so go and be
healed
[Applause]
single one of us we’ve gone through some
kind of emotional pain right let’s talk
about it whether it is the need to
belong the need for affirmation the need
for affection maybe the need to have
some control in your lives but that’s
nice
sometimes we have needs that go unmet
and sometimes it feels rather cruel when
our needs are unmet you can just ask my
15 month old son he experiences
heartache everyday because I don’t let
him chew on wires all he’s ever wanted
and is very short lifespan is to go
bananas on my phone charger and it
breaks his heart every day that I tell
him now nobody you can’t a rational or
irrational to hurt is human and any kind
of emotional pain that we go through it
can all fall on the spectrum of trauma
so if you think back to adolescents
those mortifying memories that still
haunt you from your teenage years they
can be traumatic or we have professional
goals that maybe we don’t meet we went
up for that dream job and you know we
didn’t get it and now we have to regroup
and figure out what to do next that can
be traumatic maybe we want to connect to
our parents or our child or a sibling at
least don’t know what to say or how to
say it that disconnect can be very
traumatic and then of course we have
what’s more obviously traumatic like car
accidents sexual assault genocide and
war all of these things are trauma the
nice thing about trauma is that we can
fix it though we can help people heal
from just about anything that they’ve
gone through on the lighter end of
emotional pain loneliness embarrassment
all the way to horrifying
issues that lead to PTSD and psychosis
we can help people heal and the way
people heal kind of looks the same if
you really break it down look into
evidence-based interventions they can
all be broken down into three basic
components we all heal from trauma with
three basic things the first of which
and really the foundation for healing is
human relationships if you have at least
one safe warm nurturing relationship in
your life that’s the first thing you
need to heal from trauma relationships
help activate the parts of your brain
that calm down that relax it helps you
find peace helps you have more verbal
understanding and communication and when
you’re going through something traumatic
your brain shuts down it turns all those
parts off it turns off the parts of your
brain that you need to use in order to
heal relationships turn them back on
relationships help you feel safe enough
to heal and that’s kind of step one if
you can imagine and if you’re liking
it’s not that hard to imagine but
imagine if you’re an offender bender
everyone’s fine no one’s hurt you’re
calm you’re cool you’re collected it
took insurance information
you’re good you’re driving away and you
start to call your mom or your spouse or
your best friend it was really did not
learn that no distracted driving less
than two seconds ago so you call them
and the calm cool you is gone as soon as
you hear their voice right or if you
wait to get home because you’re a smart
person good for you then as soon as you
see their face your body can relax you
can calm down you feel safe with this
person and that’s the prerequisite for
all healing relationships I’ve often
hurt you but relationships are what will
heal you relationships are the
foundation for all healing from any kind
of emotional trauma light under the
spectrum all the way to psychosis
relationships help us heal and there
really the foundation for the second
thing that we need to do if we want to
heal from trauma the second thing we
must do if we want to heal from trauma
is that we have to look truthfully at
our pain we have to go there we have to
look honestly at what happened to us and
process it but we do not want to do that
right there are a lot of things we
rather do then look at and deal with our
pain so be ok just go up to happy hour
well drink a little well more than we
normally do or we’ll jump into a new
relationship because we don’t want to
look at how much our heart was broken
with our last relationship but your mind
to you with that so we’ll just jump into
a new one or we don’t feel good about
ourselves
so we’ll just go eat our feelings like
all of these things we’re running from
our pain sometimes literally we’ll take
painkillers because we don’t want to
hurt the number one cause of death for
anyone under the age of 50 is drug
overdose as of last year we don’t want
to hurt we do not want to hurt our
brains and our bodies shut down when we
feel this pain and so again that’s where
relationships come in they help you feel
safe enough to look at it to go there
speaking of drugs there to illustrate
the importance of looking truthfully of
what you’ve gone through researchers are
looking at the use of Mali or MDMA with
PTSD survivors so what is Mali other
than meme ours and commish mints
favorite American Girl doll Mali is a
form of ecstasy right if you remember
Jenny from Forrest Gump
of course he remember Jenny from force
cotton but if you remember when it was
New Year’s Eve she had those Salado
heels on she was high as a kite it was
the 70s she was on ecstasy Molly makes
you stupidly brave makes you stupidly
brave so you do Stu
good things for someone who has PTSD
what happens when they get triggered by
a memory of what they went through their
brains and bodies start shutting down at
a survival they go to survival mode and
you can’t deal with your pain because
your brain that part’s turned off it’s
too scary so they can’t process it so
they give them Molly they administer it
it’s it’s researchers it’s it’s for a
good cause
it is the gift people with PTSD Molly
and then they talk about what they went
through they go there and they can’t go
there otherwise and it’s too scary so
Molly helps them look truthfully at what
they went through and otherwise her
bodies and their brains would shut down
I am not at all condoning the use of any
illicit drugs the thought of that
terrifies me but we don’t even need
Molly either relationships give us that
safe warm nurturing relationships that’s
what gives us the bravery to look
truthfully of what we went through and
so you go to a counselling session and
then you go get dinner with a friend or
you go do yoga and then you go get
brunch with your partner you have those
relationships that give you the bravery
and the capacity to look truthfully at
what happened to you about what she went
through and we do not heal an isolation
we only heal in the context of of
relationships so relationships also give
us the last thing and Dericks in the
most important part of healing and
really the hardest part as well you have
to forgive you have to forgive the
person who hurt you
it allowed you to be hurt who failed you
who broke your heart you have to forgive
them with compassion
knowing that their own issues their
unresolved trauma does to them what it
does to us it seeps out it spills on to
our loved ones wrecks havoc in our lives
that’s what trauma does if we don’t heal
from it the person who hurt you is
hurting them
selves they have also gone through very
difficult things and when we look
truthfully about we’ve went through we
can start seeing the circumstances that
led to our own pain but also theirs as
well so maybe your parents didn’t give
you everything you need it but when you
look truthfully at what she went through
looking at what they had and where they
were you start to realize that maybe
they gave you all they had to give if
you have a friend who betrayed your
trust you can start to see again what
what was circumstances that led to that
it’s not okay but you can see what they
were going through and have that
compassion for them if it’s someone
outside of you you necessarily need to
forgive them or it’s like told them that
you forgive them directly restart that
relationship you just have to forgive
them for yourself you may need to
forgive the benevolent God who didn’t
intervene what do you need them to you
may need to forgive yourself and like of
all that regrets even holding all those
memories that you won’t let go of so
again this is where relationships come
and it doesn’t mean that forgiveness
doesn’t mean that it’s retroactive
permission it’s not saying that what
happened to you the offense that was
done to your body your spirit or dignity
it doesn’t say that it was okay but it
gives you freedom when you go through
trauma your voice is robbed your control
is robbed your power is robbed and when
you forgive you get your power back
again a relationships give us the
strength to do that so it’s terrifying
to think of forgiving right it’s
terrifying to think of that if we let go
of something we’ve held on for you for
so long we may fear that will disappear
with it so look at loss that’s see a
little get swallowed up in the magnitude
of forgiving but relationships anchor
you helping you find your voice in the
aftermath so follow recommendations by
mental health providers which will often
look like cognitive behavior therapy
exposure therapy medication exercise
even a schedule all of those things work
really well at hee
drama and the basic components are all
the same truth forgiveness and
relationships don’t rush it because that
can cause psychosis
so don’t look at what you went through
too quickly without support but healing
is possible seek people out when you’re
hurting invest the time and the energy
to do what’s unspeakably painful and
difficult but worth it do the work of
healing look truthfully at what you went
through
forgive with compassion all in the
context of a relationship so go and be
healed
[Applause]
Please follow and like us: