I’m here today to talk you about
emotional intelligence and this is very
funny because I used to be a super
rational businesswoman but this was
until a moment in my life an amazing
moment in my life
yes I was working really really really
hard for several years in a row I was
working day and night and I was working
the weekends also so I decided to took
four days to go for Christmas with my
children to the mountains and this was
for me a real gift because I was
divorced since they were very little
babies so they were always with the
babysitter or grandparents when I was
not there so I was excited about it and
first day I wake up and I cook a fried
egg to my daughter because she loves
fried eggs and she see the fried egg and
say wow mommy you know how to cook well
of course I know how to cook why do you
say that well I never saw you cooking
and I am already eight years all well I
said it’s true well you’re right I have
been King a lot lately but everything is
under control I will work less in some
month and you are okay
I am also okay no problem and he looked
to my eyes
and said mommy I don’t believe you
you always say the same you always say
that you are going to work less but you
never do it and the worst thing is that
you are not okay she said I can see it
in your eyes
Wow so this was a real tsunami for me I
had to take several days to digest that
conversation and I realized she was
right I was not okay at all
I was feeling very frustrated with my
professional project I was feeling
disappointed and I was feeling very
guilty of not being with them so it took
me a fried egg to realize that I was not
happy at all and the thing is that I was
escaping from those feelings because I
had been working so hard to got that
success this was the success that I was
dreaming for at the University so during
those studies I realize that I didn’t
want that kind of success anymore for me
I wanted another kind of success I
changed my mind
during my growing for me a job with a
success was to being able to work and
being able to be with my family at the
same time so when I could I decided to
solve my shirt’s on that business and
left the business and I decided to found
my own business
dedicated to develop emotional
intelligence in the organizations so
this was just three years ago when I did
that a very good friend of mine and CEO
of
large multinational company said to me
I’m sorry to tell you Gemma but
emotional intelligence is an old concept
Daniel Goldman wrote his famous book
more than 20 years ago we all know about
that what are you going to do when I
said well ok thank you for your feedback
well did you read the book yes he said I
read I read it well then tell me how do
well mm well maybe I will make an easier
question which is your goal this year
what do you what do with your goal is
here and he said well I have to increase
turnover by 20% good and how do you feel
about it he said well I already got a
10% increase good congratulations and
how do you feel about it hmm
I work very hard and how do you feel
about it he said why do you keep asking
me this question I don’t understand well
I asked you this question because this
is the key question if you don’t manage
the feelings that you have with your
goal you are losing the opportunity to
understand better what you want your
feelings may be an energizer and may
help you to find to get your goal or may
be slowing you down if you don’t look at
them well so coming back to my first
question that he didn’t know how to
answer how are we going to manage the
energy of a team if we don’t know how do
they feel about goals about new
challenges or about new colleagues
for me managing a team without
understanding its emotions is like
managing a car without license in the
past the leader was the one deciding the
direction and all the people were
following all the teams were following
this is not like that anymore leadership
is more about creating the connections
creating the relations so you need to be
able to manage emotions on this new kind
of environment so okay how do you put
all these in practice how do we bring
the theory of emotional integer
intelligence into our offices we all
read the book okay but let’s put this in
practice so my approach is first create
a routine to connect with your own
emotions so there’s plenty of ways to do
that I’m going to share what I do
of course I talk about emotions now and
I share my emotions with people that I
trust and I know this is not easy you
need to be very brave to share emotions
because when you open your heart you
wow you feel something uncomfortable or
you may want to try cry or whatever you
feel something that you don’t control so
this is why we just block emotions and
this is very dangerous because we don’t
let the emotion to transform so talking
about your emotions we get our brain to
digest them and we let the emotion past
and transform itself so once you have
connect with your emotion of course
accept it there are not good or bad
emotions we we need to accept all the
emotions that we
and manage how do you manage emotions we
need to create a dialogue between our
mind and our heart so we can align both
sources and we can decide and get an
agreement between both and then we can
take steps so this is the first tool
second tool connect with emotions of
your team some people have this ability
like naturally they are empathetic
but some others don’t but the good news
is that we can learn to do that we can
learn how to listen better we can learn
how to be present in a conversation and
we can learn how to create spaces to
share non professional matters when we
talk with our team about our personal
life we understand better each other and
and we get the connection so probably we
will solve completes better if we know
the other person also from that approach
and finally body language is very
important why we all understand and use
emojis in our telephones we do it so
easily and we love to share those faces
because they really connect us with the
emotion but when we have a person in
front of us we are not able to read the
motion of that person why is that like
that can we put our limbic brain on
please and be aware of the body language
of the expression of that person and
being present is much much easier to get
that so if you can connect with emotions
of your team you will be able to respect
and also manage manage those emotions
like guiding them to share it with you
guiding them to find new perspective
and empower them to do that so the last
tool I share with you today is create an
environment for improvement and growth
once you connect with your emotion and
the warm motions of your team create an
environment so you can flow use mistakes
as learnings don’t use a mistake to find
the guilty person then also create a
routine for group feedback why do we do
evaluations only in one direction from
the leader to the member and if we are
lucky maybe we have evaluation down to
the top but no let’s open it up let’s
create a routine for group feedback
where we get feedback from all our
colleagues we can create the methodology
for that and I can assure you it’s very
powerful when we do it you can do this
every six month or once a year and the
team really gets impressed because when
you receive feedback from one person
asking you to change something you say
but when you receive feedback from all
the group and all your colleagues are
telling you the same then you think well
maybe I need to move on and I need to
change something and we all can improve
so this is a great tool for group
improvement also embrace diversity
I love diversity I mean differences
trigger our emotions and push us to grow
so let’s create teams and organizations
with diversity so we will all learn
about that and then create a positive
atmosphere in the organization please I
hate I hate those meeting rooms where
silence is horrible you know and
everyone is waiting for the boss to talk
and how can you be created there I mean
how
do you expect your team to be proactive
and innovative if you have this kind of
atmosphere so include jokes on your
meeting include play and of course
include celebration in your
organization’s
so I share with you these three tools
and it’s so this is not so easy of
course this is a journey but what if you
try to include those strategies in your
day-to-day in your organization and
review the outcome after one year you’ll
realize that you will become a real
powerful leader you will be able to go
faster because you will have all your
team aligned between what they feel and
what they do you will be able to manage
change and the feelings that we got from
change you will be able to manage
conflict creatively also so you will be
able to move your team from a
so let’s imagine that let’s imagine that
you may have a productive team but also
a happy group of people working together
because when you develop emotional
intelligence in your teams they will
realize than they get tools also for
their personal life and this is what I I
felt when I began to study emotional
intelligence don’t we all want that then
we all want to understand better each
other we really can have life on black
so don’t lose your time don’t wait
you’re eight years all daughter to tell
you I don’t believe you take a step
forward
and next Monday when you arrive to your
office at emotional intelligence
development into your plan because I can
assure you I believe emotion is the
energy that moves our self or teams and
the whole world thank you [Applause]
emotional intelligence and this is very
funny because I used to be a super
rational businesswoman but this was
until a moment in my life an amazing
moment in my life
yes I was working really really really
hard for several years in a row I was
working day and night and I was working
the weekends also so I decided to took
four days to go for Christmas with my
children to the mountains and this was
for me a real gift because I was
divorced since they were very little
babies so they were always with the
babysitter or grandparents when I was
not there so I was excited about it and
first day I wake up and I cook a fried
egg to my daughter because she loves
fried eggs and she see the fried egg and
say wow mommy you know how to cook well
of course I know how to cook why do you
say that well I never saw you cooking
and I am already eight years all well I
said it’s true well you’re right I have
been King a lot lately but everything is
under control I will work less in some
month and you are okay
I am also okay no problem and he looked
to my eyes
and said mommy I don’t believe you
you always say the same you always say
that you are going to work less but you
never do it and the worst thing is that
you are not okay she said I can see it
in your eyes
Wow so this was a real tsunami for me I
had to take several days to digest that
conversation and I realized she was
right I was not okay at all
I was feeling very frustrated with my
professional project I was feeling
disappointed and I was feeling very
guilty of not being with them so it took
me a fried egg to realize that I was not
happy at all and the thing is that I was
escaping from those feelings because I
had been working so hard to got that
success this was the success that I was
dreaming for at the University so during
those studies I realize that I didn’t
want that kind of success anymore for me
I wanted another kind of success I
changed my mind
during my growing for me a job with a
success was to being able to work and
being able to be with my family at the
same time so when I could I decided to
solve my shirt’s on that business and
left the business and I decided to found
my own business
dedicated to develop emotional
intelligence in the organizations so
this was just three years ago when I did
that a very good friend of mine and CEO
of
large multinational company said to me
I’m sorry to tell you Gemma but
emotional intelligence is an old concept
Daniel Goldman wrote his famous book
more than 20 years ago we all know about
that what are you going to do when I
said well ok thank you for your feedback
well did you read the book yes he said I
read I read it well then tell me how do
well mm well maybe I will make an easier
question which is your goal this year
what do you what do with your goal is
here and he said well I have to increase
turnover by 20% good and how do you feel
about it he said well I already got a
10% increase good congratulations and
how do you feel about it hmm
I work very hard and how do you feel
about it he said why do you keep asking
me this question I don’t understand well
I asked you this question because this
is the key question if you don’t manage
the feelings that you have with your
goal you are losing the opportunity to
understand better what you want your
feelings may be an energizer and may
help you to find to get your goal or may
be slowing you down if you don’t look at
them well so coming back to my first
question that he didn’t know how to
answer how are we going to manage the
energy of a team if we don’t know how do
they feel about goals about new
challenges or about new colleagues
for me managing a team without
understanding its emotions is like
managing a car without license in the
past the leader was the one deciding the
direction and all the people were
following all the teams were following
this is not like that anymore leadership
is more about creating the connections
creating the relations so you need to be
able to manage emotions on this new kind
of environment so okay how do you put
all these in practice how do we bring
the theory of emotional integer
intelligence into our offices we all
read the book okay but let’s put this in
practice so my approach is first create
a routine to connect with your own
emotions so there’s plenty of ways to do
that I’m going to share what I do
of course I talk about emotions now and
I share my emotions with people that I
trust and I know this is not easy you
need to be very brave to share emotions
because when you open your heart you
wow you feel something uncomfortable or
you may want to try cry or whatever you
feel something that you don’t control so
this is why we just block emotions and
this is very dangerous because we don’t
let the emotion to transform so talking
about your emotions we get our brain to
digest them and we let the emotion past
and transform itself so once you have
connect with your emotion of course
accept it there are not good or bad
emotions we we need to accept all the
emotions that we
and manage how do you manage emotions we
need to create a dialogue between our
mind and our heart so we can align both
sources and we can decide and get an
agreement between both and then we can
take steps so this is the first tool
second tool connect with emotions of
your team some people have this ability
like naturally they are empathetic
but some others don’t but the good news
is that we can learn to do that we can
learn how to listen better we can learn
how to be present in a conversation and
we can learn how to create spaces to
share non professional matters when we
talk with our team about our personal
life we understand better each other and
and we get the connection so probably we
will solve completes better if we know
the other person also from that approach
and finally body language is very
important why we all understand and use
emojis in our telephones we do it so
easily and we love to share those faces
because they really connect us with the
emotion but when we have a person in
front of us we are not able to read the
motion of that person why is that like
that can we put our limbic brain on
please and be aware of the body language
of the expression of that person and
being present is much much easier to get
that so if you can connect with emotions
of your team you will be able to respect
and also manage manage those emotions
like guiding them to share it with you
guiding them to find new perspective
and empower them to do that so the last
tool I share with you today is create an
environment for improvement and growth
once you connect with your emotion and
the warm motions of your team create an
environment so you can flow use mistakes
as learnings don’t use a mistake to find
the guilty person then also create a
routine for group feedback why do we do
evaluations only in one direction from
the leader to the member and if we are
lucky maybe we have evaluation down to
the top but no let’s open it up let’s
create a routine for group feedback
where we get feedback from all our
colleagues we can create the methodology
for that and I can assure you it’s very
powerful when we do it you can do this
every six month or once a year and the
team really gets impressed because when
you receive feedback from one person
asking you to change something you say
but when you receive feedback from all
the group and all your colleagues are
telling you the same then you think well
maybe I need to move on and I need to
change something and we all can improve
so this is a great tool for group
improvement also embrace diversity
I love diversity I mean differences
trigger our emotions and push us to grow
so let’s create teams and organizations
with diversity so we will all learn
about that and then create a positive
atmosphere in the organization please I
hate I hate those meeting rooms where
silence is horrible you know and
everyone is waiting for the boss to talk
and how can you be created there I mean
how
do you expect your team to be proactive
and innovative if you have this kind of
atmosphere so include jokes on your
meeting include play and of course
include celebration in your
organization’s
so I share with you these three tools
and it’s so this is not so easy of
course this is a journey but what if you
try to include those strategies in your
day-to-day in your organization and
review the outcome after one year you’ll
realize that you will become a real
powerful leader you will be able to go
faster because you will have all your
team aligned between what they feel and
what they do you will be able to manage
change and the feelings that we got from
change you will be able to manage
conflict creatively also so you will be
able to move your team from a
so let’s imagine that let’s imagine that
you may have a productive team but also
a happy group of people working together
because when you develop emotional
intelligence in your teams they will
realize than they get tools also for
their personal life and this is what I I
felt when I began to study emotional
intelligence don’t we all want that then
we all want to understand better each
other we really can have life on black
so don’t lose your time don’t wait
you’re eight years all daughter to tell
you I don’t believe you take a step
forward
and next Monday when you arrive to your
office at emotional intelligence
development into your plan because I can
assure you I believe emotion is the
energy that moves our self or teams and
the whole world thank you [Applause]
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