[Music]
in 1908 Sigmund Freud the famous
psychologists proclaimed the following
women have penis envy and it’s driving
them to hysteria
fast forward 2018 and Freud is often
considered woman’s biggest nemesis his
views on female sexuality are considered
select lack depth and accuracy
unfortunately though his early work was
instrumental in crafting a social
narrative that still holds true today
female sexuality and more specifically
female pleasure remains to be as a
consequence we have a pleasure gap men
you climax more than women but is this
more than just about climaxing does it
speak to a much more fundamental problem
or are men more empowered than women
let’s first explore the pleasure gap men
91% of you will have had an orgasm in
your last sexual encounter nice women
can you raise your hands me only 64% of
you will have had an orgasm in your last
sexual encounter in fact on average men
are twice as likely to climax than women
these finding come from Indiana
University’s large scale study on sexual
attitudes and behaviors they also found
women are four times more likely to say
they’ve had no sexual pleasure in the
last year four times
so when gaps between the genders are no
longer acceptable and we’re working
really hard to close them maybe we need
to take some light off of the boardroom
and put it in the bedroom after all
don’t we all want more pleasurable sex
but why is it so hard today well it’s an
uncomfortable topic for one especially
if you’re British with aa stiff upper
lips having an open and honest
conversation about our needs and desires
is difficult throw into the mix the
shame we as women are made to feel about
our bodies our fears of being normal as
if there was such a thing
and then there’s the myths about female
masturbation no it won’t make you loose
and it definitely won’t kill your sex
drive with all of that it’s no surprise
that women have a hard time exploring
and expressing themselves sexually I
want to plant a seed today and that seed
is an idea what if we all lent in and
discovered what brought us pleasure not
only would we improve our relationships
but we’d also play a massive role in
smashing the taboo around female
sexuality challenging the status quo and
closing the pleasure gap you’d play a
role in empowering your loved ones your
sisters brothers sons and daughters to
have a better relationship with
so what’s led us here why in 2018 is
there still a problem let’s look at our
current approaches to sex ed I can see a
few of your faces cringing already maybe
you were one of the lucky ones that got
the birds and the bees conversation from
your blushing parents or perhaps you had
your form tutor show you how to put a
condom on a banana or if like me you
grew up with porn maybe that played a
fundamental role but none of these
approaches go far enough
they don’t stress the importance of
female pleasure to a healthy happy and
equal relationship our parents can just
about stomach the fact that we will be
having sex they’re hardly there dishing
out tips on how to make a woman orgasm
the school curriculum puts the fear of
life into us about pregnancy and disease
and porn is artificial entertainment
it’s unrealistic and male-centric I mean
seriously who screams that loud getting
pummeled that hard
by not teaching young people about the
pleasurable side of sex we’re sending
them out into their encounters
misinformed and underprepared so yes
there is a pleasure gap and men do have
more orgasms than women but this is
manifesting itself in some serious ways
last year I was listening to a talk by
tour de selva a sexual rights activist
she had just finished a tour of schools
in Iceland and after one of her talks a
young girl of 17 came up to her she
wanted some advice about the painful
side of sex when they dared into it what
she was referring to was the rough
hair-pulling she said to tourists I know
that this is a fundamental part of the
experience and he really enjoys that but
when will I start taking pleasure from
it when did the rough hair-pulling
become a fundamental part of the
experience where do these perceptions of
sex and of pain and pleasure come from
and more importantly why had no one told
this young girl that no matter how good
something feels for them if it doesn’t
feel good for you you are well within
your rights to say stop by not teaching
young people about the pleasurable side
of sex we are really damaging them but
it’s not just young people Sarah
McLellan a leading academic of sexual
health found the way men and women
described sexual satisfaction as vastly
different men you described it as an
orgasm which is wonderful women we
describe it as our partners satisfaction
and an absence of pain an absence of
pain when did we set our bar so low that
if something doesn’t hurt we consider
ourselves satisfied the pleasure gap is
a physical manifestation of a much
greater problem
men are more sexually empowered than
women and I just wanna quickly say that
doesn’t mean all men or that you
couldn’t be more
empowered but right now the way we
educate around sex leaves women’s
lagging behind because to really
experience pleasure we nuts need to let
go of the spears and shames and
anxieties that we have around our body
we need to be able to openly express
ourselves asking what we want and don’t
want and we need the science around our
arousal and desires so we know why our
so let’s take a step back what do we
know current approaches to sex ed really
aren’t working and as a result there is
this pleasure gap we lack critical
scientific information about our arousal
and desire and this is because of the
taboo has left this topic under research
and underfunded we as women aren’t
encouraged to explore our bodies even
though it’s so instrumental to
understanding what we like and don’t
like and for some of us that do it
anyway we get labeled with loaded words
like whore and slut and at no point are
we talk about sexual communication even
though it’s so necessary to a healthy
happy and equal partnership and the
other problem is sex ed it stops at
school when was the last time you as an
adult were encouraged to invest in your
personal sexual development and that
isn’t the same as swiping on tinder
every night of the week we change and
evolve over time our relationship to sex
and ourselves is constantly evolving
think about it
we go through a series of life
transitions when we lose our virginity
to our first long-term relationship from
marriage to childbirth from stress to
loss all of these influence the way we
see ourselves as sexual beings we as
humans aren’t static so our sex
I’ve painted quite a miserable picture
but there is a way out
hopefully I’ve demonstrated that sexual
empowerment doesn’t come from how many
people you’ve slept with or whether
you’ve been to the latest sex parties
and it’s not as Miley Cyrus might lead
us to believe having the confidence to
grind on a wrecking ball in front of
millions on TV sexual empowerment is a
silent confidence that pours out from
within a confidence that comes when you
have all the science around arousal and
desire and your body’s reaction to it
when you’ve let go of the fear shame and
anxiety around your body and especially
your genitals and when you’ve managed to
wrap all of that up and take it forward
to your sexual encounters whether that
is where the hottie you picked up and
clapping ground last night or whether
your partner of 30 years if you have all
that information you will have pleasure
and you will feel empowered earlier I
said I wanted to plant a seed and that
the seed is an idea I’d love for you to
help me grow it will you all close your
eyes for me for the last time I ask you
to participate I’m going to ask you a
few questions and I’d really love you
just to think about your answers do you
feel sexually empowered do you feel like
you have all the science and knowledge
around your arousal desire and your
body’s reaction to it
are you free of the shame and anxiety
that you feel around your body and
finally do you feel confident that you
can go out tonight and have an open and
honest conversation with the people you
love about what brings you pleasure open
your eyes if you answered no to any of
those the chances are you still have a
little way on your journey to go so I
challenge you today to have that first
awkward and difficult conversation
whether it’s with someone you came with
or a stranger you’re sat next to
depending on how brave you’re feeling
but if we can start talking openly and
honestly about this topic
then we can smash the taboo around
female sexuality and one final plea
women stop faking orgasms it’s hard
enough for our partners to know we won
without us giving them false negatives
so let’s work together to close this
pleasure gap and build a more sexually
empowered Society thank you [Applause]
in 1908 Sigmund Freud the famous
psychologists proclaimed the following
women have penis envy and it’s driving
them to hysteria
fast forward 2018 and Freud is often
considered woman’s biggest nemesis his
views on female sexuality are considered
select lack depth and accuracy
unfortunately though his early work was
instrumental in crafting a social
narrative that still holds true today
female sexuality and more specifically
female pleasure remains to be as a
consequence we have a pleasure gap men
you climax more than women but is this
more than just about climaxing does it
speak to a much more fundamental problem
or are men more empowered than women
let’s first explore the pleasure gap men
91% of you will have had an orgasm in
your last sexual encounter nice women
can you raise your hands me only 64% of
you will have had an orgasm in your last
sexual encounter in fact on average men
are twice as likely to climax than women
these finding come from Indiana
University’s large scale study on sexual
attitudes and behaviors they also found
women are four times more likely to say
they’ve had no sexual pleasure in the
last year four times
so when gaps between the genders are no
longer acceptable and we’re working
really hard to close them maybe we need
to take some light off of the boardroom
and put it in the bedroom after all
don’t we all want more pleasurable sex
but why is it so hard today well it’s an
uncomfortable topic for one especially
if you’re British with aa stiff upper
lips having an open and honest
conversation about our needs and desires
is difficult throw into the mix the
shame we as women are made to feel about
our bodies our fears of being normal as
if there was such a thing
and then there’s the myths about female
masturbation no it won’t make you loose
and it definitely won’t kill your sex
drive with all of that it’s no surprise
that women have a hard time exploring
and expressing themselves sexually I
want to plant a seed today and that seed
is an idea what if we all lent in and
discovered what brought us pleasure not
only would we improve our relationships
but we’d also play a massive role in
smashing the taboo around female
sexuality challenging the status quo and
closing the pleasure gap you’d play a
role in empowering your loved ones your
sisters brothers sons and daughters to
have a better relationship with
so what’s led us here why in 2018 is
there still a problem let’s look at our
current approaches to sex ed I can see a
few of your faces cringing already maybe
you were one of the lucky ones that got
the birds and the bees conversation from
your blushing parents or perhaps you had
your form tutor show you how to put a
condom on a banana or if like me you
grew up with porn maybe that played a
fundamental role but none of these
approaches go far enough
they don’t stress the importance of
female pleasure to a healthy happy and
equal relationship our parents can just
about stomach the fact that we will be
having sex they’re hardly there dishing
out tips on how to make a woman orgasm
the school curriculum puts the fear of
life into us about pregnancy and disease
and porn is artificial entertainment
it’s unrealistic and male-centric I mean
seriously who screams that loud getting
pummeled that hard
by not teaching young people about the
pleasurable side of sex we’re sending
them out into their encounters
misinformed and underprepared so yes
there is a pleasure gap and men do have
more orgasms than women but this is
manifesting itself in some serious ways
last year I was listening to a talk by
tour de selva a sexual rights activist
she had just finished a tour of schools
in Iceland and after one of her talks a
young girl of 17 came up to her she
wanted some advice about the painful
side of sex when they dared into it what
she was referring to was the rough
hair-pulling she said to tourists I know
that this is a fundamental part of the
experience and he really enjoys that but
when will I start taking pleasure from
it when did the rough hair-pulling
become a fundamental part of the
experience where do these perceptions of
sex and of pain and pleasure come from
and more importantly why had no one told
this young girl that no matter how good
something feels for them if it doesn’t
feel good for you you are well within
your rights to say stop by not teaching
young people about the pleasurable side
of sex we are really damaging them but
it’s not just young people Sarah
McLellan a leading academic of sexual
health found the way men and women
described sexual satisfaction as vastly
different men you described it as an
orgasm which is wonderful women we
describe it as our partners satisfaction
and an absence of pain an absence of
pain when did we set our bar so low that
if something doesn’t hurt we consider
ourselves satisfied the pleasure gap is
a physical manifestation of a much
greater problem
men are more sexually empowered than
women and I just wanna quickly say that
doesn’t mean all men or that you
couldn’t be more
empowered but right now the way we
educate around sex leaves women’s
lagging behind because to really
experience pleasure we nuts need to let
go of the spears and shames and
anxieties that we have around our body
we need to be able to openly express
ourselves asking what we want and don’t
want and we need the science around our
arousal and desires so we know why our
so let’s take a step back what do we
know current approaches to sex ed really
aren’t working and as a result there is
this pleasure gap we lack critical
scientific information about our arousal
and desire and this is because of the
taboo has left this topic under research
and underfunded we as women aren’t
encouraged to explore our bodies even
though it’s so instrumental to
understanding what we like and don’t
like and for some of us that do it
anyway we get labeled with loaded words
like whore and slut and at no point are
we talk about sexual communication even
though it’s so necessary to a healthy
happy and equal partnership and the
other problem is sex ed it stops at
school when was the last time you as an
adult were encouraged to invest in your
personal sexual development and that
isn’t the same as swiping on tinder
every night of the week we change and
evolve over time our relationship to sex
and ourselves is constantly evolving
think about it
we go through a series of life
transitions when we lose our virginity
to our first long-term relationship from
marriage to childbirth from stress to
loss all of these influence the way we
see ourselves as sexual beings we as
humans aren’t static so our sex
I’ve painted quite a miserable picture
but there is a way out
hopefully I’ve demonstrated that sexual
empowerment doesn’t come from how many
people you’ve slept with or whether
you’ve been to the latest sex parties
and it’s not as Miley Cyrus might lead
us to believe having the confidence to
grind on a wrecking ball in front of
millions on TV sexual empowerment is a
silent confidence that pours out from
within a confidence that comes when you
have all the science around arousal and
desire and your body’s reaction to it
when you’ve let go of the fear shame and
anxiety around your body and especially
your genitals and when you’ve managed to
wrap all of that up and take it forward
to your sexual encounters whether that
is where the hottie you picked up and
clapping ground last night or whether
your partner of 30 years if you have all
that information you will have pleasure
and you will feel empowered earlier I
said I wanted to plant a seed and that
the seed is an idea I’d love for you to
help me grow it will you all close your
eyes for me for the last time I ask you
to participate I’m going to ask you a
few questions and I’d really love you
just to think about your answers do you
feel sexually empowered do you feel like
you have all the science and knowledge
around your arousal desire and your
body’s reaction to it
are you free of the shame and anxiety
that you feel around your body and
finally do you feel confident that you
can go out tonight and have an open and
honest conversation with the people you
love about what brings you pleasure open
your eyes if you answered no to any of
those the chances are you still have a
little way on your journey to go so I
challenge you today to have that first
awkward and difficult conversation
whether it’s with someone you came with
or a stranger you’re sat next to
depending on how brave you’re feeling
but if we can start talking openly and
honestly about this topic
then we can smash the taboo around
female sexuality and one final plea
women stop faking orgasms it’s hard
enough for our partners to know we won
without us giving them false negatives
so let’s work together to close this
pleasure gap and build a more sexually
empowered Society thank you [Applause]
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