did you ever cheat I don’t mean in a
relationship I mean more like a poker if
you did cheat did you tell someone or
did you keep it a secret I think we
could agree that the reason you would
cheat would be to give yourself an
unfair advantage over someone else but
what constitutes cheating did you know
that at one time it was considered
cheating to dye your hair isn’t that
crazy I would have been in so much
trouble so where do we draw the cheating
line is Botox cheating what about laser
hair removal
how about teeth whitening is that
cheating according to the American
Association of plastic surgeons last
year Americans spent more money than
ever before over 16 billion dollars on
cosmetic treatments yet surveys revealed
that 70% of the people who get the
treatments keep it a secret so why is
that why do you think that’s 70 percent
of the people who spent 16 billion with
a B dollars on something that wasn’t
illegal hide in the shadows as a
cosmetic doctor i watch this play out
every day women in my practice will go
to extremes to hide their treatments I
have heard it all oh please be careful
don’t bruise me no one knows I’m here
who do you know how long this will take
because I really like to be out of here
before your next appointment arise if
you don’t mind I’m going to pay you in
cash so this doesn’t appear on my credit
card statement I’ve heard more stories
than the CIA a situation has been
created now where women a pressure to
look youthful into their 50 60s and even
70s yet no one is supposed to know what
went into helping them stay youthful
over the years as cosmetic treatments
have become more mainstream I’ve watched
the lies in the judgment escalate we
encourage women to be their authentic
self and then we judge them
when we find out what went into it and
so I ask is judgment holding you back
from aging authentically whatever that
means to you because it has a different
meaning for all of us when we think of
judgment we think of what other people
will think about us or say about us and
that’s true but judgment goes way deeper
than that
there were three different types of
judgment there’s societal
there’s interpersonal and the most toxic
of all self judgment so let’s talk for a
minute about societal judgment women are
marginalized when they look at their age
but when they get a little work done
they’re judged they’re judged for being
superficial and for wasting money
because beauty comes from within
everyone knows that
just ask Hollywood actresses women whose
livelihoods depend on the way they look
will go to extremes to hide from you how
they came to look like that and is it
any wonder I mean really when there were
websites dedicated to trying to figure
out if a celebrity got plastic surgery
or got a cosmetic treatment and if she
did what she got and when she got it
come on when the trickle-down message
from Hollywood is deny deny deny is it
any wonder that the everyday woman feels
into personal judgment now this is
interesting because not only do others
do to us but we do it to others
oftentimes those closest to us will say
things like you are so beautiful just
the way you are or what are you talking
about you don’t need that
maybe maybe what they’re really saying
is if your face changes will you change
and hey wait a minute if you change well
the way you feel about me change but
it’s not only others that do it to us we
do
to others it’s so easy to say I would
never do that when you don’t need it if
you won the genetic lottery and you
don’t need cosmetic treatments until
later in life or if you have decided
that you know what cosmetic treatments
are just not for me
does that make you better than someone
else I don’t think so that’s the same
line of thinking that would have you
believe oh I just woke up like this or I
am so blessed to have good genes I’m
better than you because I don’t need
that I once overheard one Mormon say to
another well of course she looks good
she gets Botox like she’s cheating in
this era of moral superiority is it any
wonder that women hide their treatments
but self-judgement oh my goodness what
we do to ourselves
self-judgment causes us to feel inferior
causes us to focus on things that no one
else sees causes us to make decisions
for the wrong reasons we all compare
it’s natural we compare ourselves to our
younger selves we compare ourselves to
each other let me just say comparing
yourself to your younger self that is a
no-win situation no good is going to
come out of that because your 50 year
old self is never going to look like
your 30 year old self no matter how many
cosmetic treatments you get but when you
compare yourself to someone who only
gives you half a story that is not nice
I don’t get it look at her she’s so
beautiful she always looks so refreshed
she’s older than I am I don’t understand
it what am I doing wrong those secrets
are designed to make you feel inferior
which only perpetuates the cycle of self
judgment a facebook friend of mine
turned 40 recently put a request out on
her page for someone to help her find a
provider to help her relax the crease
that have formed in between her eyebrows
within an hour she had 15 recomm
patience in her feed and her response
said it all wow I thought everyone had
great skin it turns out everyone’s
getting Botox so why do we teach women
that’s staying young and beautiful is
important and then shame them when they
take steps to do that why do we invent
cosmetic procedures and advertise
breakthroughs in technology if no one is
supposed to use it why do we elevate the
term aging gracefully as if in this area
of your life you shouldn’t have to ask
for help it’s not easy to navigate a
changing face it’s hard at 40 and it’s
hard at 70 it’s even harder when you’re
navigating judgment and so the question
becomes is it possible to have a
positive conversation about the changes
of an aging face is it possible to free
yourself of judgment imposed or implied
to make your own beautiful decision is
it possible to age authentically and I
say yes not only is it possible but it’s
easier than you think I’ve developed a
three-step framework and you don’t even
need to use all three steps because any
step alone or any two in combination can
change your thinking and that’s what
we’re here to do change your thinking
step number one believe with confidence
that it’s okay to get a cosmetic
procedure just to look good not to fix a
problem and you don’t need to justify it
to anyone if you had a chair in your
living room that you didn’t like and you
got rid of it you wouldn’t feel a need
to justify that you would say to your
family and your friends I got rid of
that thing cuz I hated it you can get
rid of a wrinkle on your face for the
very same reason step number two
understand that cosmetic treatments
treat more than aging they treat
self-esteem because when a treatment is
done correctly helping you look like a
more relaxed less tired version of
yourself the reaction from your family
and friends and the reflection in the
mirror can give you back the confidence
that nature took away step number three
we look at ourselves you you right now
you can’t imagine
you can’t imagine that your beautiful
round face will set or that your smooth
hands will wrinkle one day it will
happen and when it happens I hope that
you can embrace it if for no other
reason than realizing that it’s better
than the alternative authentic beauty
and authentic aging have a different
meaning for all of us but for some
authentic beauty is the round fresh face
of youth and for others it’s the
wrinkled weathered face of age and
wisdom for some authentic aging is
letting nature take its course and for
others it’s getting cosmetic treatments
to look as young as possible so you
might be wondering what is my definition
of authentic aging I’d like to share
that with you I’m a 66 year old woman
standing here before you under the
lights
there is dyeing my hair Botox in my
forehead film in my cheeks I’ve had
multiple radiofrequency treatments to
tighten my skin and there was so much
cream on my face at night I could slide
am i ageing authentically you bet I am
because I have decided to go kicking and
screaming am I wish for you my wish for
you is that however you define with
anti-aging that you walk that path in
the freedom and joy of knowing that you
have made the right decision and that
you are beautiful thank you very much [Applause]
relationship I mean more like a poker if
you did cheat did you tell someone or
did you keep it a secret I think we
could agree that the reason you would
cheat would be to give yourself an
unfair advantage over someone else but
what constitutes cheating did you know
that at one time it was considered
cheating to dye your hair isn’t that
crazy I would have been in so much
trouble so where do we draw the cheating
line is Botox cheating what about laser
hair removal
how about teeth whitening is that
cheating according to the American
Association of plastic surgeons last
year Americans spent more money than
ever before over 16 billion dollars on
cosmetic treatments yet surveys revealed
that 70% of the people who get the
treatments keep it a secret so why is
that why do you think that’s 70 percent
of the people who spent 16 billion with
a B dollars on something that wasn’t
illegal hide in the shadows as a
cosmetic doctor i watch this play out
every day women in my practice will go
to extremes to hide their treatments I
have heard it all oh please be careful
don’t bruise me no one knows I’m here
who do you know how long this will take
because I really like to be out of here
before your next appointment arise if
you don’t mind I’m going to pay you in
cash so this doesn’t appear on my credit
card statement I’ve heard more stories
than the CIA a situation has been
created now where women a pressure to
look youthful into their 50 60s and even
70s yet no one is supposed to know what
went into helping them stay youthful
over the years as cosmetic treatments
have become more mainstream I’ve watched
the lies in the judgment escalate we
encourage women to be their authentic
self and then we judge them
when we find out what went into it and
so I ask is judgment holding you back
from aging authentically whatever that
means to you because it has a different
meaning for all of us when we think of
judgment we think of what other people
will think about us or say about us and
that’s true but judgment goes way deeper
than that
there were three different types of
judgment there’s societal
there’s interpersonal and the most toxic
of all self judgment so let’s talk for a
minute about societal judgment women are
marginalized when they look at their age
but when they get a little work done
they’re judged they’re judged for being
superficial and for wasting money
because beauty comes from within
everyone knows that
just ask Hollywood actresses women whose
livelihoods depend on the way they look
will go to extremes to hide from you how
they came to look like that and is it
any wonder I mean really when there were
websites dedicated to trying to figure
out if a celebrity got plastic surgery
or got a cosmetic treatment and if she
did what she got and when she got it
come on when the trickle-down message
from Hollywood is deny deny deny is it
any wonder that the everyday woman feels
into personal judgment now this is
interesting because not only do others
do to us but we do it to others
oftentimes those closest to us will say
things like you are so beautiful just
the way you are or what are you talking
about you don’t need that
maybe maybe what they’re really saying
is if your face changes will you change
and hey wait a minute if you change well
the way you feel about me change but
it’s not only others that do it to us we
do
to others it’s so easy to say I would
never do that when you don’t need it if
you won the genetic lottery and you
don’t need cosmetic treatments until
later in life or if you have decided
that you know what cosmetic treatments
are just not for me
does that make you better than someone
else I don’t think so that’s the same
line of thinking that would have you
believe oh I just woke up like this or I
am so blessed to have good genes I’m
better than you because I don’t need
that I once overheard one Mormon say to
another well of course she looks good
she gets Botox like she’s cheating in
this era of moral superiority is it any
wonder that women hide their treatments
but self-judgement oh my goodness what
we do to ourselves
self-judgment causes us to feel inferior
causes us to focus on things that no one
else sees causes us to make decisions
for the wrong reasons we all compare
it’s natural we compare ourselves to our
younger selves we compare ourselves to
each other let me just say comparing
yourself to your younger self that is a
no-win situation no good is going to
come out of that because your 50 year
old self is never going to look like
your 30 year old self no matter how many
cosmetic treatments you get but when you
compare yourself to someone who only
gives you half a story that is not nice
I don’t get it look at her she’s so
beautiful she always looks so refreshed
she’s older than I am I don’t understand
it what am I doing wrong those secrets
are designed to make you feel inferior
which only perpetuates the cycle of self
judgment a facebook friend of mine
turned 40 recently put a request out on
her page for someone to help her find a
provider to help her relax the crease
that have formed in between her eyebrows
within an hour she had 15 recomm
patience in her feed and her response
said it all wow I thought everyone had
great skin it turns out everyone’s
getting Botox so why do we teach women
that’s staying young and beautiful is
important and then shame them when they
take steps to do that why do we invent
cosmetic procedures and advertise
breakthroughs in technology if no one is
supposed to use it why do we elevate the
term aging gracefully as if in this area
of your life you shouldn’t have to ask
for help it’s not easy to navigate a
changing face it’s hard at 40 and it’s
hard at 70 it’s even harder when you’re
navigating judgment and so the question
becomes is it possible to have a
positive conversation about the changes
of an aging face is it possible to free
yourself of judgment imposed or implied
to make your own beautiful decision is
it possible to age authentically and I
say yes not only is it possible but it’s
easier than you think I’ve developed a
three-step framework and you don’t even
need to use all three steps because any
step alone or any two in combination can
change your thinking and that’s what
we’re here to do change your thinking
step number one believe with confidence
that it’s okay to get a cosmetic
procedure just to look good not to fix a
problem and you don’t need to justify it
to anyone if you had a chair in your
living room that you didn’t like and you
got rid of it you wouldn’t feel a need
to justify that you would say to your
family and your friends I got rid of
that thing cuz I hated it you can get
rid of a wrinkle on your face for the
very same reason step number two
understand that cosmetic treatments
treat more than aging they treat
self-esteem because when a treatment is
done correctly helping you look like a
more relaxed less tired version of
yourself the reaction from your family
and friends and the reflection in the
mirror can give you back the confidence
that nature took away step number three
we look at ourselves you you right now
you can’t imagine
you can’t imagine that your beautiful
round face will set or that your smooth
hands will wrinkle one day it will
happen and when it happens I hope that
you can embrace it if for no other
reason than realizing that it’s better
than the alternative authentic beauty
and authentic aging have a different
meaning for all of us but for some
authentic beauty is the round fresh face
of youth and for others it’s the
wrinkled weathered face of age and
wisdom for some authentic aging is
letting nature take its course and for
others it’s getting cosmetic treatments
to look as young as possible so you
might be wondering what is my definition
of authentic aging I’d like to share
that with you I’m a 66 year old woman
standing here before you under the
lights
there is dyeing my hair Botox in my
forehead film in my cheeks I’ve had
multiple radiofrequency treatments to
tighten my skin and there was so much
cream on my face at night I could slide
am i ageing authentically you bet I am
because I have decided to go kicking and
screaming am I wish for you my wish for
you is that however you define with
anti-aging that you walk that path in
the freedom and joy of knowing that you
have made the right decision and that
you are beautiful thank you very much [Applause]
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