I remember this one time I’m talking to
a friend and he said to me I can’t
believe that you were depressed because
you’re always smiling so for the rest of
that day I was like I can’t believe he
said that then I was like he’s right
I was always smiling my hair was always
done my outfits were always cute that’s
just who I was
so when depression came in college I
wasn’t able to identify what was going
on all I knew was that when I left my
house I would never show what was going
on and that hurt me more than I could
imagine
so let me tell you a quick story I come
from a huge family and I’m the youngest
and I was the first to go out of state
for college so I found myself calling my
mom all the time because I was so used
to being with her so one day I’m on the
phone my mom well my sister at home with
her jokingly says on the phone you’re
always on the phone and mom get a life I
remember hanging up the phone and I was
beat on devastated I cried my eyes out
and this small joke this haha moment
broke my heart
because it emphasized the pain that no
one knew I felt and that was the
beginning of me learning that I had to
ask for help and so I want to share with
you all today
how asking for help can free you from
depression now I had struggled and
suffered and really wasn’t that good
with vulnerability my entire life
and I like I said I came from a huge
household so I learned how to put on a
front so I didn’t seem like a punk and
that unhealthy habit of repressing my
emotions and trying to be strong all the
time
transferred into my adulthood and I was
going through it during college but
junior year was like the worst year by
far I lost my financial aid and I
remember running all over campus trying
to figure out a way I could stay in
school and if that wasn’t enough I
worked the worst job at a Nordstrom Rack
store in the shoe department and I
promise you guys if one more person were
to drop a shoe in front of me it was
gonna be a fight so one day in the name
of self-care
I finished my shift went on home and
blocked them on my phone and never went
back but who can pay rent with no job so
there I was jobless schoolís and
hopeless not only did I have to move
back home I had to take a semester off
and even transfer schools and when I was
first at home I didn’t have a job so all
I was here was when are you gonna get a
job what are you gonna get a job and all
I wanted to say was when are you gonna
leave me alone and I hated running into
people who barely knew me because the
only the question they had to ask was
how school going and all I wanted to say
was mind your business let’s just say I
wasn’t the nicest girl back then but one
day I decided to ask myself what if I
said something what I see a change so
after years of being this independent
and strong person the four words I have
been lying about time after time finally
poured out I am NOT okay and what a
relief it is when the thing that scares
you the most is the same thing that can
save you now
I didn’t just wake up with all the
courage in the world to show someone my
dark side but I took the proper steps
necessary for me and I started with
these small words that I like to call
conversation starters three words I am
sad three words I am depressed
four words I am NOT okay and I started
with these small words not because I
knew it will come afterwards no pun
intended but because they allowed me to
acknowledge my situation and to spark a
conversation now I won’t tell you to go
screaming from the rooftops that you’re
suffering from depression and anxiety
because you have to understand that not
everybody cares but once you lock in the
right people the ones who will listen to
your heart and your pain who won’t
dismiss your emotions and tell you to
get over it
the ones who
bring you back down during an anxiety
attack because you weren’t sure how you
did at that test at school or that
project at work is really challenging
you and you’re struggling to maintain a
good relationship with your friends
because you can barely keep your head on
straight the people who know you’re
suffering but won’t treat you like a
dying patient once you lock in the right
people the road can only get brighter
and in addition to these conversation
starters I want to share a list of small
lifestyle changes that’ll make a big
difference number one I started waking
up with the positive and healthy
intention to live just that a positive
and healthy life and if that meant
waking up and listening to return of the
Mack for the fifth day in a row I was
determined to start my day with high
energy number two I wrote myself a
million-in-one post-it notes all over my
bathroom and my bedroom because
sometimes you just need a reminder they
said let’s go champ
you can do this you’re amazing and
number three and probably the favorite
on my list was throwing myself a
personal dance party and this wasn’t the
cute oh he’s watching me he’s watching
me no this was I’m getting my groove oh
and I’m dancing any type I need a dance
to make myself feel good and number
three in addition to getting my groove
on I was going to the gym and it felt
like as I’m running or jogging and
sweating and cramping I was shaking
loose all that toxic energy from that
day that week or that month and number
four or not on those days where I felt
like nothing was working I leaned on my
support system I would call the people
in my phone who I knew would inspire and
uplift me tell me that they love me and
that I’m working hard and they’re proud
of me because sometimes you just need to
hear something that you can’t give
yourself and that’s why it’s so
important to ask for help in order to
free yourself from depression because
you can’t do it alone I allow people I
trusted to see me cry because when you
show your emotion of capacity you learn
that you’re not
in this rollercoaster car life I think
back to a time where I wouldn’t get a
tear out until it was the mid-season
break up that triggered everything in me
while I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy season
11 episode 8 and I couldn’t find enough
tissues to catch all my tears because my
dramatic shows where the only escape I
had for the repressed life I lived day
in and day out
my silence kept me as a prisoner in my
own body why the whole time I had the
key and didn’t even realize because when
you’re depressed you have a bad habit of
being sad and then feeling sad that you
are sad and then dwelling in your
sadness by listening to sad songs and
watching sad movies and keeping the
lights dark and the shades drawn and
after a while you’ve built yourself into
this dark abyss that feels comfortable
but if you ask for help and know that
even if it’s just one person who can
pull you out of the darkness before it
gets too bad then you are hopeful and
whether you’re talking to a parent a
sibling a friend a doctor psychologist
psychiatrist
religious leader or someone who’s just
been there and done that know that
you’re never alone
and you never have to be and to the
supportive party I challenge you to
listen really listen instead of just
waiting for your turn to speak I
challenge you to check up on your
friends more than weekend plans because
mental checkups are a form of love that
are not present enough in today’s
relationships platonic or not I
challenge you to be the shoulder that
your loved one needs to lean on
because being depressed is like being at
the bottom of the cave and you can see
the light at the top but you have no
idea how to reach it and to the parents
I challenge you to stop dismissing the
feelings and actions of your children by
simply signing off the distance and the
mood swings of over just a teenager no
your children live a whole life and
their phones and in their schools that
you will never know about unless you
take the time to understand who they are
as children
and people instead of just your 16 year
old daughter who’s always has an
attitude and your 18 year old son who’s
constantly angry and to the black
community I challenge you to stop
putting your mental health at the bottom
of the list because while I know we have
so much more to worry about you have to
understand that a healthy mind equals a
healthy life so open up your mouth to
the people that are suffering ask for
help to the people that are suffering
don’t forget to celebrate the small
victories because last week you could
get you could barely get out of bed but
this week this week you were strong
enough to call your pick-me-up person
when you felt yourself sinking
understand that it takes all the courage
in the world to show someone who you
really are
it starts with three words I am sad
three words I am depressed four words I
am not okay and on those days where
you’re feeling really brave four words I
need your help thank you [Applause]
a friend and he said to me I can’t
believe that you were depressed because
you’re always smiling so for the rest of
that day I was like I can’t believe he
said that then I was like he’s right
I was always smiling my hair was always
done my outfits were always cute that’s
just who I was
so when depression came in college I
wasn’t able to identify what was going
on all I knew was that when I left my
house I would never show what was going
on and that hurt me more than I could
imagine
so let me tell you a quick story I come
from a huge family and I’m the youngest
and I was the first to go out of state
for college so I found myself calling my
mom all the time because I was so used
to being with her so one day I’m on the
phone my mom well my sister at home with
her jokingly says on the phone you’re
always on the phone and mom get a life I
remember hanging up the phone and I was
beat on devastated I cried my eyes out
and this small joke this haha moment
broke my heart
because it emphasized the pain that no
one knew I felt and that was the
beginning of me learning that I had to
ask for help and so I want to share with
you all today
how asking for help can free you from
depression now I had struggled and
suffered and really wasn’t that good
with vulnerability my entire life
and I like I said I came from a huge
household so I learned how to put on a
front so I didn’t seem like a punk and
that unhealthy habit of repressing my
emotions and trying to be strong all the
time
transferred into my adulthood and I was
going through it during college but
junior year was like the worst year by
far I lost my financial aid and I
remember running all over campus trying
to figure out a way I could stay in
school and if that wasn’t enough I
worked the worst job at a Nordstrom Rack
store in the shoe department and I
promise you guys if one more person were
to drop a shoe in front of me it was
gonna be a fight so one day in the name
of self-care
I finished my shift went on home and
blocked them on my phone and never went
back but who can pay rent with no job so
there I was jobless schoolís and
hopeless not only did I have to move
back home I had to take a semester off
and even transfer schools and when I was
first at home I didn’t have a job so all
I was here was when are you gonna get a
job what are you gonna get a job and all
I wanted to say was when are you gonna
leave me alone and I hated running into
people who barely knew me because the
only the question they had to ask was
how school going and all I wanted to say
was mind your business let’s just say I
wasn’t the nicest girl back then but one
day I decided to ask myself what if I
said something what I see a change so
after years of being this independent
and strong person the four words I have
been lying about time after time finally
poured out I am NOT okay and what a
relief it is when the thing that scares
you the most is the same thing that can
save you now
I didn’t just wake up with all the
courage in the world to show someone my
dark side but I took the proper steps
necessary for me and I started with
these small words that I like to call
conversation starters three words I am
sad three words I am depressed
four words I am NOT okay and I started
with these small words not because I
knew it will come afterwards no pun
intended but because they allowed me to
acknowledge my situation and to spark a
conversation now I won’t tell you to go
screaming from the rooftops that you’re
suffering from depression and anxiety
because you have to understand that not
everybody cares but once you lock in the
right people the ones who will listen to
your heart and your pain who won’t
dismiss your emotions and tell you to
get over it
the ones who
bring you back down during an anxiety
attack because you weren’t sure how you
did at that test at school or that
project at work is really challenging
you and you’re struggling to maintain a
good relationship with your friends
because you can barely keep your head on
straight the people who know you’re
suffering but won’t treat you like a
dying patient once you lock in the right
people the road can only get brighter
and in addition to these conversation
starters I want to share a list of small
lifestyle changes that’ll make a big
difference number one I started waking
up with the positive and healthy
intention to live just that a positive
and healthy life and if that meant
waking up and listening to return of the
Mack for the fifth day in a row I was
determined to start my day with high
energy number two I wrote myself a
million-in-one post-it notes all over my
bathroom and my bedroom because
sometimes you just need a reminder they
said let’s go champ
you can do this you’re amazing and
number three and probably the favorite
on my list was throwing myself a
personal dance party and this wasn’t the
cute oh he’s watching me he’s watching
me no this was I’m getting my groove oh
and I’m dancing any type I need a dance
to make myself feel good and number
three in addition to getting my groove
on I was going to the gym and it felt
like as I’m running or jogging and
sweating and cramping I was shaking
loose all that toxic energy from that
day that week or that month and number
four or not on those days where I felt
like nothing was working I leaned on my
support system I would call the people
in my phone who I knew would inspire and
uplift me tell me that they love me and
that I’m working hard and they’re proud
of me because sometimes you just need to
hear something that you can’t give
yourself and that’s why it’s so
important to ask for help in order to
free yourself from depression because
you can’t do it alone I allow people I
trusted to see me cry because when you
show your emotion of capacity you learn
that you’re not
in this rollercoaster car life I think
back to a time where I wouldn’t get a
tear out until it was the mid-season
break up that triggered everything in me
while I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy season
11 episode 8 and I couldn’t find enough
tissues to catch all my tears because my
dramatic shows where the only escape I
had for the repressed life I lived day
in and day out
my silence kept me as a prisoner in my
own body why the whole time I had the
key and didn’t even realize because when
you’re depressed you have a bad habit of
being sad and then feeling sad that you
are sad and then dwelling in your
sadness by listening to sad songs and
watching sad movies and keeping the
lights dark and the shades drawn and
after a while you’ve built yourself into
this dark abyss that feels comfortable
but if you ask for help and know that
even if it’s just one person who can
pull you out of the darkness before it
gets too bad then you are hopeful and
whether you’re talking to a parent a
sibling a friend a doctor psychologist
psychiatrist
religious leader or someone who’s just
been there and done that know that
you’re never alone
and you never have to be and to the
supportive party I challenge you to
listen really listen instead of just
waiting for your turn to speak I
challenge you to check up on your
friends more than weekend plans because
mental checkups are a form of love that
are not present enough in today’s
relationships platonic or not I
challenge you to be the shoulder that
your loved one needs to lean on
because being depressed is like being at
the bottom of the cave and you can see
the light at the top but you have no
idea how to reach it and to the parents
I challenge you to stop dismissing the
feelings and actions of your children by
simply signing off the distance and the
mood swings of over just a teenager no
your children live a whole life and
their phones and in their schools that
you will never know about unless you
take the time to understand who they are
as children
and people instead of just your 16 year
old daughter who’s always has an
attitude and your 18 year old son who’s
constantly angry and to the black
community I challenge you to stop
putting your mental health at the bottom
of the list because while I know we have
so much more to worry about you have to
understand that a healthy mind equals a
healthy life so open up your mouth to
the people that are suffering ask for
help to the people that are suffering
don’t forget to celebrate the small
victories because last week you could
get you could barely get out of bed but
this week this week you were strong
enough to call your pick-me-up person
when you felt yourself sinking
understand that it takes all the courage
in the world to show someone who you
really are
it starts with three words I am sad
three words I am depressed four words I
am not okay and on those days where
you’re feeling really brave four words I
need your help thank you [Applause]
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