every once in a while to take a glance
over there but yeah the name of my
talking is happiness is a choice to stop
looking like an idiot and there’s one
reason why I chose that name because I’m
not really good at coming up with names
so yeah that’s so that’s what I went
with and when I was approached to give a
talk I had to think a little bit what do
I actually have that I could talk about
and twenty-one years old and not that
old please don’t let that make you stop
listening because I’m young but I can’t
really talk about the experience cuz I’m
sure that they’re 10 times the amount of
people in this room who have had the
same experiences that I’ve had I’m a
smart guy but I’m not incredibly smart I
don’t have any research that’s gonna
change the way the world works I suck no
I don’t suck but I’m generally a really
happy guy I mean I’m sure that all of us
at times are happy but I think I have a
set point that’s usually just happier
than a lot of other people and I think
my friends would really agree with that
and so I wasn’t always that way
I actually took steps I remember being
13 years old 13 years old I’m saying to
myself I wish that I were just you know
happier on a general basis and so I took
some steps and I think I’ve actually
gotten there took eight years but here I
am so let’s get into it
everyone wants to be happy right come on
come on let’s get kids get a little bit
uh everyone’s to be happy right right
wrong you’re all wrong it’s insane how
wrong you are you are also wrong this
room is huge with wrong people
oh well so what I mean by this is
happiness takes effort it’s not
something that just happens to you there
are situations where happiness just
falls upon you as a kid you scale to a
carnival and happiness is falling upon
you you go to a movie and you have
popcorn and happiness falls upon you but
to be consistently happy that doesn’t
just happen you actually have to put in
work it takes effort and a lot of people
aren’t willing to put in that effort and
want to be lazy they want things to coat
it to go to like this table right here I
can tell you were all super lazy you
don’t want to be happy you guys let’s
time just play with you guys
are you playing what y’all guys come on
now I actually am joking but a lot of
people in this situation where I call
you guys out for no reason whatsoever
would actually get angry I don’t know
you you don’t know me what right do I
have to say that these guys are lazy or
that sorry but the thing is I can say
your million things up here I’m going on
stage I’m gonna sue I’m 21
like I’m empowered right now I can say
anything about what earning thing I
could do anything but if I have a
million things that I could say and
you’re basing your emotions off of what
I say then you can feel a million
different emotions and you have no
control over that
that doesn’t sound a fish efficient that
doesn’t sound effective that doesn’t
sound healthy to base your emotions off
of an external source me I mean great
I’m great
but nothing at all from an external
source so the old thing is true
happiness truly does come from within
doesn’t it just that one nice come from
within so I’m talking on a very umbrella
level right now let’s bring it down to
an actual example you’re stuck in
traffic everyone’s had it but like let’s
let’s take this to the extreme you’re
stuck in crazy bumper-to-bumper end to
end LA rush hour meets Beijing
underwater when and Godzilla’s come
inside traffic no one’s moving you might
even be going backwards at this point
and we’re gonna step into two separate
cars in that traffic jam so one person
so semi justifiably is losing their
cookies it’s they’re they’re screaming
their head off expletive expletive I’m
very angry because I’m sitting in
traffic and it’s not moving I have
things to do but if we step into the
other car the person is reading a book
it relaxed and they’re chilling listen
I’m not going anywhere I might as well
enjoy myself both of these two people
are sitting in the same exact scenario
but I think one we would all want to be
the person who’s more relaxed as opposed
to the person who’s losing their mind so
what’s the difference between these two
people I’m a math and science guy I
really like equations so I broke it down
to and for you yes s plus R equals E and
you do high-level map and you know math
is more letters than numbers these days
so your situation plus your
rationalization equals your experience
patient I wanted ancient ancient agent I
was gonna get it I couldn’t come up with
another you were so experienced Asian
but this what this means is situation is
a very objective time traffic in our
example anyone would look at that
traffic jam and say yes that is a
traffic jam anyone in the traffic jam
would say yes this is a traffic jam it
is an objective fact and there’s nothing
you can do to change it but that is
where your lack of control stops that is
where everything else becomes subjective
the experience that these two people had
was completely different even though
they’re both in the same objective
situation one person said this is worse
than one person said I can do with it
and that’s as a result of their
rationalization that’s the human is the
power that human beings have we can take
a situation and frame it so that it
serves us we all have that ability
because we are not Shiva and I want to
say like I think I deserve a bonus
points cuz I’m a millennial on a stage
saying that you’re not sheep because
most people would say it the other way
around you’re not sheep so but I want to
train you guys to be that type of person
on a daily basis and so here’s the first
step I’m actually a Knicks fan so I’m
glad he’s playing for the Knicks the
first step is to take massive
responsibility for everything that
happens in your life all of it and
everything that you are right at this
point is as a result of your choices and
that can be good or bad you know the
clothes you’re wearing your choice the
car you’re driving you’re a choice the
spouse you have your choice any
arguments you may have as a result of
you the money you have the money you
don’t have your health your weight a lot
of people like to blame oh my genetics
my parents some other extenuating
circumstance it was not my fault
it was literally anything else but how
does that serve you how does that help
you become a better person how does that
help you
have you you have to bring it inwards
and this is actually a research is back
this up
incredibly so because what this is
called a self-efficacy believing that
you have the ability to affect your life
going forward and in order for you to do
that you have to believe that everything
up until this point you’ve affected so
that’s very important our first step
this what this step does is it brings
you to the rationalization you realize
now that there’s a gap between every
experience and the way that you every
situation in the way you experience
there is a gap where you can say this is
the way that I will rationalize it and
taking massive responsibility is the
first step saying okay I caused this in
some way and now I will experience it
that’s the first step because we’re
humans and not sheep I wanted to show
sheep again because it’s a cute picture
okay
but step two everything happens nothing
happens to you everything happens for
you this is a very important distinction
because this is where positivity lies
this is what the happy person thinks
they’re sitting in traffic and they’re
saying hey if I would have left my job
earlier then I wouldn’t be in this
situation that’s taking responsibility
but then alright how am I going to be
better from this I’m gonna leave my job
earlier on a regular basis or I’m going
to read here there are ways that you can
do this so that everything happens for
you believing this is part of that
self-efficacy believing that you will
now be better as a result of the
situation and if you have trouble
remembering this remember the number two
and the number four – four – for Kobe
Bryant
yeah great basketball player I actually
don’t like the Lakers but great bachelor
player broke his hand was able to play
scored 81 points and the reason that I
say this I’m not gonna lie it’s a TEDx
event
Kobe if you’re watching I would be a
great addition to your entourage I also
have great lateral quickness and I could
be a backup point guard
I listen call me I’m on Facebook and I’m
not gonna spread some fake news okay
look all pandering inside these are the
two steps that are incredibly important
and let’s bring it back to an example
I’m a very example driven guy so let’s
say a situation where you’re walking
down the street and someone walks into
you
and it’s their fault they’re you know
they’re walking backwards on their phone
in a handstand whatever like they’re
there it’s their fault completely
you could be angry you could be worse as
a result of that situation or you could
brush it off and that lies in doing the
two steps first step take responsibility
hey listen if I would have paid more
attention and gotten out of the way the
person one about the enemy similarly if
I would’ve left my job earlier if I
would have left walk faster or whatever
I wouldn’t even been on the same street
as that person when they got their
ability you don’t have to tell them that
you just tell yourself that or listen if
you were more muscular when they bumped
into you they wouldn’t stare at you they
were like oh I’m so sorry
because I’m gonna tell you something
this dude can hit me with his car and
I’m gonna apologize to him I’m so so
sorry I got blood on your paint whatever
I’m apologizing to him I don’t care
wasn’t your fault is mine sorry but this
this is what it takes to be happy all
the time this is the effort that it
takes if you follow these two steps you
will always be a happier person
of course you’re gonna feel emotions you
know when something’s bad you’re gonna
feel bad but you bounce back you don’t
stay in bad places and situations that
shouldn’t bother you don’t bother you
that’s how you become happier because
the whole goal is I want you life is
gonna back you into a corner and I don’t
want you to just react like a little
snake in the corner don’t just blindly
lash out at everyone around you I want
you to look inward and say hey what am I
in this corner how did I get here and
how do I make sure that this never
happens again because you can do this
yes this is something that everyone can
do and become a happier person I’m positive thank you