[Applause]
as of two weeks ago I am officially
cancer-free
thank you I’m doing great now finally
starting to grow back a little bit of
hair and the doctors told me it may even
grow back thicker but I was a ginger
before this so mainly I’m just hoping it
comes back a different color so I found
out I had cancer while I was on my
birthright trip to Israel which is a
free trip anyone could go on as long as
you have one Jewish parent or you’ve
seen some of the episodes of Seinfeld’s
I had a terrible stomach ache and I
thought it was from too much hummus and
the recommended dose of tums which is 12
didn’t cure it
turns out it wasn’t too much hummus who
is cancer classic mix up tropical
flavored tums delicious not an effective
cancer treatment but it’s amazing that
we still haven’t found the cure for
cancer given how much funding has gone
into it other fields are important too I
just read that scientists still can’t
figure out why yawns are contagious but
they’re close to the answer who is
leading that funding effort yawning
doesn’t even make you boss
but it’s uh it’s testicular cancer
because you guys asked which is the
cancer where they take one of your balls
which I didn’t mind giving up a woman
also it’s cut down in my shower time by
the doctors told me I should be
following a pregnant woman diet while
going through chemotherapy so I’ve been
eating seven meals a day putting an odd
amount of honey on everything and
telling my husband were never having sex
again but pregnant woman diet means no
raw fish and no alcohol which means no
sushi or mimosas at brunch I don’t know
how basic white girls deal with
pregnancy or cancer so the other weird
effect of chemotherapy is that water
tasted really weird it tasted metallic
except for Voss water other really cool
feature of a Voss water is that if you
hold a Voss water bottle up to your ear
you can actually hear the marketing team
laughing at you
[Laughter]
people people told me I should talk to a
psychologist to help me deal with
everything but I don’t like all of their
questions so I figured talking add a
group of strangers and making you guys
uncomfortable was the next best thing so
you’re welcome this will experience
though in all seriousness has made me
realize how important stand-up comedy
has been for me being able to have a
creative outlet to work through my
feelings while having cancer was
everything I was dealt a shitty hand and
I realized I could either feel shitty
and also have to deal with cancer or I
could write about it try to make it
funny and really enjoy the days where I
felt good and go all-in stand-up comedy
is a new passion of mine that I was able
to figure out about myself by just
getting started that’s it I just started
trying to do it writing and performing a
five-minute set seemed overwhelming at
first so I just started writing down a
few jokes every day added some new
thoughts and finally gained the courage
to get on stage for five minutes now I
get to say that I improved that doing
stand-up comedy doesn’t take balls it
getting started can be as simple as
searching google for meetup groups for
one of your interests or if you’re not a
fan at Google you could use Yahoo
Answers which has answers to
thought-provoking questions such as how
did spaghetti stains get in my underwear
how do you get out of under we’ve all
been there or how big is the specific
ocean which is really hard to sponsor
and I wish they were more Pacific with
their question if you think you’re too
busy to try out something new all it
takes is a few minutes a day to get
started try writing for 20 minutes a day
or have fun with it and Google how to
say I only know this one sentence in 10
different languages cut out a few
YouTube videos of cats doing things if
you have to or if you don’t know what
new passion to try out think about where
you go when you walk into a Barnes &
Noble are you drawn to interior design
science the young adult sorry stories
about vampire section you may not find a
new passion in the first few tries but I
can guarantee you that you won’t find a
new passion if you don’t just get
started trying new things finding out
more about yourself and learning what
you like is an incredible lifelong
journey so enjoy the ride and the
process of figuring it out thank you
[Applause]
you [Applause]
as of two weeks ago I am officially
cancer-free
thank you I’m doing great now finally
starting to grow back a little bit of
hair and the doctors told me it may even
grow back thicker but I was a ginger
before this so mainly I’m just hoping it
comes back a different color so I found
out I had cancer while I was on my
birthright trip to Israel which is a
free trip anyone could go on as long as
you have one Jewish parent or you’ve
seen some of the episodes of Seinfeld’s
I had a terrible stomach ache and I
thought it was from too much hummus and
the recommended dose of tums which is 12
didn’t cure it
turns out it wasn’t too much hummus who
is cancer classic mix up tropical
flavored tums delicious not an effective
cancer treatment but it’s amazing that
we still haven’t found the cure for
cancer given how much funding has gone
into it other fields are important too I
just read that scientists still can’t
figure out why yawns are contagious but
they’re close to the answer who is
leading that funding effort yawning
doesn’t even make you boss
but it’s uh it’s testicular cancer
because you guys asked which is the
cancer where they take one of your balls
which I didn’t mind giving up a woman
also it’s cut down in my shower time by
the doctors told me I should be
following a pregnant woman diet while
going through chemotherapy so I’ve been
eating seven meals a day putting an odd
amount of honey on everything and
telling my husband were never having sex
again but pregnant woman diet means no
raw fish and no alcohol which means no
sushi or mimosas at brunch I don’t know
how basic white girls deal with
pregnancy or cancer so the other weird
effect of chemotherapy is that water
tasted really weird it tasted metallic
except for Voss water other really cool
feature of a Voss water is that if you
hold a Voss water bottle up to your ear
you can actually hear the marketing team
laughing at you
[Laughter]
people people told me I should talk to a
psychologist to help me deal with
everything but I don’t like all of their
questions so I figured talking add a
group of strangers and making you guys
uncomfortable was the next best thing so
you’re welcome this will experience
though in all seriousness has made me
realize how important stand-up comedy
has been for me being able to have a
creative outlet to work through my
feelings while having cancer was
everything I was dealt a shitty hand and
I realized I could either feel shitty
and also have to deal with cancer or I
could write about it try to make it
funny and really enjoy the days where I
felt good and go all-in stand-up comedy
is a new passion of mine that I was able
to figure out about myself by just
getting started that’s it I just started
trying to do it writing and performing a
five-minute set seemed overwhelming at
first so I just started writing down a
few jokes every day added some new
thoughts and finally gained the courage
to get on stage for five minutes now I
get to say that I improved that doing
stand-up comedy doesn’t take balls it
getting started can be as simple as
searching google for meetup groups for
one of your interests or if you’re not a
fan at Google you could use Yahoo
Answers which has answers to
thought-provoking questions such as how
did spaghetti stains get in my underwear
how do you get out of under we’ve all
been there or how big is the specific
ocean which is really hard to sponsor
and I wish they were more Pacific with
their question if you think you’re too
busy to try out something new all it
takes is a few minutes a day to get
started try writing for 20 minutes a day
or have fun with it and Google how to
say I only know this one sentence in 10
different languages cut out a few
YouTube videos of cats doing things if
you have to or if you don’t know what
new passion to try out think about where
you go when you walk into a Barnes &
Noble are you drawn to interior design
science the young adult sorry stories
about vampire section you may not find a
new passion in the first few tries but I
can guarantee you that you won’t find a
new passion if you don’t just get
started trying new things finding out
more about yourself and learning what
you like is an incredible lifelong
journey so enjoy the ride and the
process of figuring it out thank you
[Applause]
you [Applause]
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