[Applause]
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said every
great man is willing to be little now I
don’t have any special qualifications to
stand up here today and talk to you
about humility in fact maybe it’s that I
have so much work to do in the area that
gives me a temporary license if you will
I assure you I’m a working progress like
many of you ladies and gentlemen I would
like to share with you five words and
phrases you don’t need to write them
down that I believe if used and applied
can help us in our communications and
interactions with others those five
words and phrases are please thank you
I’m sorry I don’t know and I was wrong
now the first two are easy most of us
learn the first two before we even learn
our own name I recall when my children
was small then pulling up on the coffee
table learning to walk staggering around
like Frankenstein typically they would
grab something from the table and we
would hold our hands out and say honey
can I please have that and sometimes
they would give it to you sometimes not
but if they did we would say thank you
and then we would pass the object back
and forth a couple times exchanging
please and thank yous I also remember
taking cookies from my aunt Virginia’s
cookie jar and if I forgot to say thank
you what happened you got smacked upside
the head and said say thank you what do
you say so early on we lay this
foundation for humility that we build
upon for the rest of our lives or so it
seems but if the first two are easy that
implies that the other three are more
difficult please thank you I’m sorry I
don’t know I was wrong let me ask you a
question and maybe you’ll get a raised
eyebrow or elbow do you owe someone an
apology or maybe the question is better
asked who do you owe an apology that
hasn’t received it yet you may have
found yourself in a situation like I
found myself in some time ago I was in a
meeting and I was very excited
a new project that the boss had told us
about so I got to share it with the team
I already had some ideas about how we
would execute the project and as I
shared it with the team they gave me
some of their ideas there were a little
different than mine and as we went
around the room they got more excited
about the ways that they wanted the
project to go that was different than
what I have thought and at one point I
got upset and I snapped at one of my
teammates I knew I was wrong when it
happened but it happened now two things
happen in a meeting and you’ve you’ve
seen this before when something like
that occurs number one the meeting
doesn’t go much longer and number two we
don’t get anything done
both of those things happen in that case
so I let the rest of the day go yes I
should apologize immediately but I
didn’t I let the rest of the day go and
I went home and reflected on it that
evening I came back to work the next
morning and I’m usually the first in the
office and when my colleague came in I
greeted them immediately and I said I’m
so sorry for the way I acted yesterday
it was childish immature and
unprofessional I value you as a human
being and as a team member as a person I
am sorry for the way I acted not only
that as the rest of the team gathered we
had a huddle a small short meeting where
I apologize to the rest of the team the
guys I’m really sorry I acted like a ass
yesterday and I apologize for that I
value you all and that’s not the
environment that we’re trying to build
here now that’s not a story to tell you
that I can say I’m sorry the larger
point is much much bigger and it’s this
as human beings we have this tremendous
capacity for forgiveness and all you
have to do to unlock it is to say I’m
sorry we’ve seen in fact instances where
a family can forgive the murderer that
that took a loved one from them just by
simply asking for forgiveness that’s
powerful please thank you I’m sorry I
don’t know I was wrong now you may think
that you know everything but we all know
that we don’t and so we have to leave
some room for those other ideas
that can come in and help us shape what
we are and how we believe but many times
it seems we come to conversations with a
preconceived notion that we already know
the answer and when we do that we don’t
give ourselves an opportunity to be
exposed to the ideas of others now we
just came through a tumultuous election
and it seems that in the past we were
able to do two things that we haven’t
been able to do the last 10 20 years
number one is we haven’t been able to or
it seems we haven’t been able to rally
behind our leaders I don’t know if
you’ve ever run anything like a bake
sale or or a homeowners association or
been involved with anything where you
need the support of other people those
things are difficult if you don’t have
the support of your constituency so I
would encourage you as much as you can
get behind your leaders the second one
though I think is more important I want
us to get back to a point where we can
have meaningful dialogue with one
another not debate not dueling
monologues but a dialogue a conversation
when there where there is genuine
interests on the part of everyone
involved to understand the position of
the other that’s how we come to
compromise I think Stephen Covey said it
best when he said seek first to
understand and it’s funny as we think
about the season we’ve just come through
what do we call someone who changes
their mind
maybe when confronted with better
information and more facts you know what
we call him a flip flopper really please
thank you I’m sorry I don’t know I was
wrong now I thought I was wrong once but
I was mistaken
I think you’ve heard that before and if
silly as it seems I think some of us
believe that you know as I was standing
in the mirror this morning combing my
okay brushing my teeth I realized that
our errors give us some of the greatest
opportunities for learning but we need
to acknowledge them not hide behind them
and certainly not scapegoat others it’s
funny that it seems we’re the last one
to know that we’re wrong you go in and
you you tell your team or your family I
was wrong and they go yeah yeah well
yeah we knew that please thank you I’m
sorry I don’t know I was wrong now it’s
really not about trying to be more
humble it’s just about trying to be a
better father mother brother sister
spouse friend colleague human being and
at the end of the day when we leave here
I’m not really interested in what you
learned but what will you do well you
issue that apology to someone who
deserves it will you be open to the
ideas of others will you admit when
you’re wrong and in the end the answers
to these questions are important because
and we understand that it’s not about
thinking less of ourselves it’s about
thinking more of others thank you [Applause]