ordinate ly a long period of time to
figure out that the world reflects back
to us what we put out I have been
working with horses for almost two
decades now and it was horses who helped
me understand the world around me and
why I get what I get and how to get more
of what I want if I’m just aware of what
I’m putting out I didn’t get my first
horse thunder until I was already 11
years old and thunder was actually older
than I was which in horse years is like
ancient but thunder taught me probably
one of the most important lessons I
could have ever learned the importance
of bringing confidence and leadership
into every situation when I got thunder
he had been a lesson horse his entire
life and I am equally convinced that he
was part of the team that coined the
phrase stubborn as an ass there was one
day in particular that perfectly
exemplified this I was getting ready to
lunge Thunder and for those of you who
haven’t spent a ton of time around
horses
lunging this thing will do when we need
to exercise the horse but we don’t have
a ton of time so we’ll take them into a
big round pen kind of like this dot and
we’ll stand in the middle and we make
the horse run around the outer edge
prior to this moment in time everyone
warned me Stephanie thunder does not
lunge but I in my infinite
eleven-year-old wisdom knew better than
them so we get into the round pen and we
have a standoff and so I’m standing
there and I’m trying to I’m trying to
encourage him convince him hey I want
you to move buddy so I take the whip and
I very gingerly because I didn’t want to
hurt him so I just I just just flick it
at his ankles and I stood there
completely transfixed as my tiny little
lesson horse reared up all I could see
in that moment was a very dark belly and
very sharp hooves right overhead and I
remember thinking to myself oh my god I
wonder if I could get him to do this
again
I didn’t understand why everyone else
was freaking out until the rancher had
sold thunder to his came over and
explained Stephanie horses are herd
animals and then every herd there’s an
alpha and the alphas whole job is to
keep the herd safe to tell the herd
where to go when to go what to go so
that they stay safe and stay alive and
if there’s another horse who feels like
the Alpha isn’t doing a good job or he
feels like the alphas weak he’ll
challenge the alpha to a fight for that
position by rearing at him as you can
imagine in the position where you have a
thousand-pound animal and an 11 year old
girl it’s really important that the girl
is the alpha in that situation that
doesn’t make sense does it think about
that this giant animal is gonna do what
we tell them to do when we tell him to
do it as everyone likes to remind me
Stephanie don’t they know they can’t
squish you yes but that’s the cool thing
about working with horses see if I walk
into that situation confident in my
ability to lead he’s gonna reflect that
confidence and that respect back to me
Thunder taught me a ton of lessons but
we had to sell him shortly before my
youngest sister arrived and it was
several years before I really got to
feel like I owned a horse again I’d been
taking riding lessons at a local stable
and I always wanted these horses to
trust me like the girls in my books they
always had these amazing bonds with
their horses but I never really managed
to click until I met Monty I I came in
one day for my riding lesson I was told
hey Stephanie go get that big Appaloosa
out of the back let me clarify something
thunder was short for a horse he was
barely tall enough to avoid the pony
category Monty not so much and on top of
that he was half blind I was more scared
about climbing on top of this horse than
I had ever been about anything in my
life up until that point but I thought
back to what thunder taught me gritted
my teeth and I climbed on top of this
guy
the confidence that I did not really
feel deep down and I don’t know if it
was the fact that I’d been riding for a
while so I was finally starting to get
to know what I was doing a little bit or
if Monty was just crazy trusting or if
maybe it was that fake confidence but
whatever it was the moment I asked this
1500 pound mammoth to step out
I knew something was different see what
most people don’t understand is when you
ride a well-trained horse that horse is
listening to every single cue you give
them everything from how you turn your
head or your shoulders something
seriously as subtle is dropping your hip
into the saddle can change that horse’s
direction around the arena when you
train when you ride a a well-trained
horse literally every movement tells
that horse where to go
prior to this the lesson horses I’ve
been riding either they were too numb or
I was way too green to really understand
the importance of those movements but
when I got on Monty everything changed
when you ride it’s a partnership you are
trusting the horse you’re riding to
watch the ground in front of him to
avoid tripping and falling and breaking
both of your necks and he in turn is
trusting you not to steer him into a
wall or off a cliff
since Monty couldn’t see very well he
trusted me to do both because of that he
listened very very closely very intently
for every cue that might tell him how to
stay safe and I found out that same day
there’s a flipside to that trust see
after our riding lessons me and the
other girls would go out and we’d let
them you know walk around the track
while we rode and this was don’t tell my
riding instructor our chance to kind of
goof off so we would drop the reins we
we goof around a little bit and I
realized as we get out to the track I
could not do that because all of a
sudden I realized that if every single
time I moved on this horses back he was
taking it as some kind of cue on how to
move in a
his body to stay safe I could never give
him any kind of reason to regret giving
me exactly what I was asking him for
that mutual respect that mutual trust
build this magical undescribable
relationship between Monty and I every
single timely Road but I never owned
Monty so he was sold rather suddenly and
we’d had such a deep connection it left
me raw to lose him overnight I mean how
do you tell a 14-year old girl that her
best friend in the world was just sold I
was completely heartbroken and I didn’t
even know if I wanted another horse it
was gonna take an equal broken up messed
up horse to put me back together but it
was sham who taught me to piece together
the lessons I’ve learned from these
other horses that everything comes down
to what we put into the mirror and
sometimes we don’t even know what we’re
asking for when we first got Jam he was
actually named star and we renamed him
Shazam because he had a very special
talent he could we renamed him Shazam
like the superhero cuz he could
transport himself and his rider ten feet
away in the blink of an eye if he saw
anything that might eat him like a piece
of paper stuck in the fence but for the
most part shame and I got along great I
mean seriously we tore up those
fairgrounds we raced through the
paddocks around the tracks there was one
day I remember we literally were chasing
the shadows of the clouds as they raced
across the grass we had fun but there
was a flipside to this and there was
another day I remember flinging myself
off of him at the end of our riding
lesson absolutely furious because even
after owning this horse for two years it
wasn’t really trust during our lessons
he was so busy trying to figure out
where he wanted to go and what he wanted
to do and how he was going to get there
that he never bothered listening so I
flung myself off of this horse and I can
play
my instructor that this horse just won’t
do what I tend to do and calm down just
like that and she explained to me Steph
he’s just giving you what you’ve asked
him for see after so many lesson horses
who were numb to the requests to go
faster I love the fact I never had to
ask twice for Shyam to fly but by
choosing to leave him as that wild horse
90% of the time I was trading that for
the horse who do everything I wanted in
the arena I realized that day you can
ask your horse for two different things
and he’s always going to give you the
one that you asked for with more
conviction regardless of whether you
understand the consequences Monty shamon
Thunder taught me a lot but most of all
they’ve taught me that the world is a
mirror and just like a mirror reflects
back both the acne and the dimples the
bulges and the beauty so does the world
around us so I’m constantly asking
myself what part of my life am i
frustrated with well part of my life my
unhappy about am i asking to be a leader
but then I’m putting myself in a
position to be taken advantage of and
and challenged and then wondering why no
one wants to follow me or am I asking
for trust without first proving to
myself and my partner that I’m worth
that trust but are yet
am I asking for peace and calm verbally
and in every other area of my life
reacting wildly see what I’ve learned is
that I can’t blame the mirror for what I
see there it’s what I choose to put into
that mirror that influence is what I get
back and I have complete control over
what I put into that mirror so if the
world reflecting back to me and to you
exactly what we put out I’ll leave you
guys with one question to ponder what do
you see in your mirror thank you [Applause]