[Applause]
[Applause] some using slides today
primum non nocere okay first do no harm
primum non nocere okay first do no harm we associate that with medicine and
we associate that with medicine and
we associate that with medicine and we’re supposed to do this both
we’re supposed to do this both
we’re supposed to do this both devised by Hippocrates that says first
devised by Hippocrates that says first
devised by Hippocrates that says first do no harm what they’re hoping is we
do no harm what they’re hoping is we
do no harm what they’re hoping is we won’t kill the patients because we’re
won’t kill the patients because we’re
won’t kill the patients because we’re learning medicine okay but what I
learning medicine okay but what I
learning medicine okay but what I started learning as I was practicing
started learning as I was practicing
started learning as I was practicing medicine was there are so many contexts
medicine was there are so many contexts
medicine was there are so many contexts in which we must first do no harm what
in which we must first do no harm what
in which we must first do no harm what we when we look at children and they’re
we when we look at children and they’re
we when we look at children and they’re having a tantrum or they’re upset
having a tantrum or they’re upset
having a tantrum or they’re upset we immediately feel like oh poor baby I
we immediately feel like oh poor baby I
we immediately feel like oh poor baby I grew up on the East Coast so there’s a
grew up on the East Coast so there’s a
grew up on the East Coast so there’s a lot of Spanish a lot of Puerto Ricans so
lot of Spanish a lot of Puerto Ricans so
lot of Spanish a lot of Puerto Ricans so as always Portal Ito Ito Ito bendito
as always Portal Ito Ito Ito bendito
as always Portal Ito Ito Ito bendito very easy to be vulnerable with children
very easy to be vulnerable with children
very easy to be vulnerable with children when they’re hurting we have no problem
when they’re hurting we have no problem
when they’re hurting we have no problem trying to soothe them their tears are so
trying to soothe them their tears are so
trying to soothe them their tears are so big
big
big their ache is so big and we have no
their ache is so big and we have no
their ache is so big and we have no problem saying to them it’s okay you’ll
problem saying to them it’s okay you’ll
problem saying to them it’s okay you’ll be okay
be okay
be okay the problem becomes when that child is
the problem becomes when that child is
the problem becomes when that child is your height or more we no longer see
your height or more we no longer see
your height or more we no longer see their heartache we see their
their heartache we see their
their heartache we see their obnoxiousness but what we don’t see is
obnoxiousness but what we don’t see is
obnoxiousness but what we don’t see is how they speak to themselves first do no
how they speak to themselves first do no
how they speak to themselves first do no harm
harm
harm first do no harm and what I found is
first do no harm and what I found is
first do no harm and what I found is that the teens did I interact with
that the teens did I interact with
that the teens did I interact with because I was trained to practice
because I was trained to practice
because I was trained to practice medicine and I was trained to not hurt
medicine and I was trained to not hurt
medicine and I was trained to not hurt them with medicine but they did not
them with medicine but they did not
them with medicine but they did not teach us not to hurt them with our words
teach us not to hurt them with our words
teach us not to hurt them with our words so when we weight a patient and we said
so when we weight a patient and we said
so when we weight a patient and we said you know your weights up and when we
you know your weights up and when we
you know your weights up and when we asked a patient to do a certain regimen
asked a patient to do a certain regimen
asked a patient to do a certain regimen and they didn’t do it so they weren’t
and they didn’t do it so they weren’t
and they didn’t do it so they weren’t better
better
better and we scolded we still didn’t remember
and we scolded we still didn’t remember
and we scolded we still didn’t remember that quote first dude no harm and so
that quote first dude no harm and so
that quote first dude no harm and so what we did was we reinforced how
what we did was we reinforced how
what we did was we reinforced how self-critical people are of themselves
self-critical people are of themselves
self-critical people are of themselves the problem with being self-critical is
the problem with being self-critical is
the problem with being self-critical is it becomes incredibly difficult to meet
it becomes incredibly difficult to meet
it becomes incredibly difficult to meet one’s goals it becomes so difficult that
one’s goals it becomes so difficult that
one’s goals it becomes so difficult that I have encountered so many teens who are
I have encountered so many teens who are
I have encountered so many teens who are trouble even getting out of bed they are
trouble even getting out of bed they are
trouble even getting out of bed they are unable to get to school
unable to get to school
unable to get to school unable to do homework unable to focus
unable to do homework unable to focus
unable to do homework unable to focus unable to have an idea of what it is
unable to have an idea of what it is
unable to have an idea of what it is they might want to do on this earth
they might want to do on this earth
they might want to do on this earth first do no harm what I realized is it
first do no harm what I realized is it
first do no harm what I realized is it takes so much courage to ask why is it
takes so much courage to ask why is it
takes so much courage to ask why is it that I am so self-critical it takes a
that I am so self-critical it takes a
that I am so self-critical it takes a lot of courage to actually look at
lot of courage to actually look at
lot of courage to actually look at yourself and say why can’t I treat
yourself and say why can’t I treat
yourself and say why can’t I treat myself like the five-year-old child
myself like the five-year-old child
myself like the five-year-old child that’s hurting inside me and so what
that’s hurting inside me and so what
that’s hurting inside me and so what I’ve found that I can amend how I
I’ve found that I can amend how I
I’ve found that I can amend how I practice medicine by looking at the team
practice medicine by looking at the team
practice medicine by looking at the team in front of me that is sometimes taller
in front of me that is sometimes taller
in front of me that is sometimes taller than I am and instead of looking at them
than I am and instead of looking at them
than I am and instead of looking at them as this really functioning human being
as this really functioning human being
as this really functioning human being what I do is I look at the four-year-old
what I do is I look at the four-year-old
what I do is I look at the four-year-old in them and I teach them how to have
in them and I teach them how to have
in them and I teach them how to have self compassion and so what I say is
self compassion and so what I say is
self compassion and so what I say is first do no harm and that includes you
first do no harm and that includes you
first do no harm and that includes you to yourself because we know that we when
to yourself because we know that we when
to yourself because we know that we when we are emotionally hurting we absolutely
we are emotionally hurting we absolutely
we are emotionally hurting we absolutely hurt others and so the question to ask
hurt others and so the question to ask
hurt others and so the question to ask is to have the courage to say if I am
is to have the courage to say if I am
is to have the courage to say if I am hurting and I hurt others then I need
hurting and I hurt others then I need
hurting and I hurt others then I need the courage to be curious enough to know
the courage to be curious enough to know
the courage to be curious enough to know why I am hurting and if I can teach that
why I am hurting and if I can teach that
why I am hurting and if I can teach that before they leave the room what I do is
before they leave the room what I do is
before they leave the room what I do is I find that I can put them in a
I find that I can put them in a
I find that I can put them in a different state of being it turns out
different state of being it turns out
different state of being it turns out that that self-critical talk does a
that that self-critical talk does a
that that self-critical talk does a number on some very important
number on some very important
number on some very important chemistry’s in our brain
chemistry’s in our brain
chemistry’s in our brain and what it does is it increases our
and what it does is it increases our
and what it does is it increases our amount of cortisol cortisol which can
amount of cortisol cortisol which can
amount of cortisol cortisol which can cause a lot of inflammation throughout
cause a lot of inflammation throughout
cause a lot of inflammation throughout the body so it’s no surprise when I have
the body so it’s no surprise when I have
the body so it’s no surprise when I have a teen who comes to me and has something
a teen who comes to me and has something
a teen who comes to me and has something like I have a domino pain an achy all
like I have a domino pain an achy all
like I have a domino pain an achy all over I have a headache all the time
over I have a headache all the time
over I have a headache all the time I don’t function well I just don’t move
I don’t function well I just don’t move
I don’t function well I just don’t move well it’s no surprise because we know
well it’s no surprise because we know
well it’s no surprise because we know that those negative thoughts do a number
that those negative thoughts do a number
that those negative thoughts do a number on how the body works we also know that
on how the body works we also know that
on how the body works we also know that this is an complete decline that can
this is an complete decline that can
this is an complete decline that can lead to very bad toxic outcomes whether
lead to very bad toxic outcomes whether
lead to very bad toxic outcomes whether it be cancer Crohn’s disease all these
it be cancer Crohn’s disease all these
it be cancer Crohn’s disease all these other diseases these are our thoughts
other diseases these are our thoughts
other diseases these are our thoughts not the medicine first do no harm what
not the medicine first do no harm what
not the medicine first do no harm what we do is when we walk out of our homes
we do is when we walk out of our homes
we do is when we walk out of our homes in the morning we come out with our
in the morning we come out with our
in the morning we come out with our armor
armor
armor right for some people the armor looks
right for some people the armor looks
right for some people the armor looks like makeup for some people the armor is
like makeup for some people the armor is
like makeup for some people the armor is their nice clothes for others the armor
their nice clothes for others the armor
their nice clothes for others the armor may look like their body building I had
may look like their body building I had
may look like their body building I had a patient who wouldn’t stop talking
a patient who wouldn’t stop talking
a patient who wouldn’t stop talking about how much he had body builded and
about how much he had body builded and
about how much he had body builded and how great he looked and so of course I
how great he looked and so of course I
how great he looked and so of course I knew that that was his armor right and
knew that that was his armor right and
knew that that was his armor right and so what I do is I understand and I
so what I do is I understand and I
so what I do is I understand and I remember first do no harm and instead of
remember first do no harm and instead of
remember first do no harm and instead of complimenting on what they want me to
complimenting on what they want me to
complimenting on what they want me to look at what I do is I show the courage
look at what I do is I show the courage
look at what I do is I show the courage to say and why is this important to you
to say and why is this important to you
to say and why is this important to you I become curious in an effort to model
I become curious in an effort to model
I become curious in an effort to model for them in that short time period that
for them in that short time period that
for them in that short time period that I’m with them how to be curious about
I’m with them how to be curious about
I’m with them how to be curious about why I’m feeling that way which requires
why I’m feeling that way which requires
why I’m feeling that way which requires incredible amounts of vulnerability
incredible amounts of vulnerability
incredible amounts of vulnerability that’s why we have the armor all right
that’s why we have the armor all right
that’s why we have the armor all right so because of that I get past the armor
so because of that I get past the armor
so because of that I get past the armor and then I can talk to them more it
and then I can talk to them more it
and then I can talk to them more it turns out that that self-compassion is
turns out that that self-compassion is
turns out that that self-compassion is an incredible exhibitor of a hormone
an incredible exhibitor of a hormone
an incredible exhibitor of a hormone called oxytocin and I don’t know if
called oxytocin and I don’t know if
called oxytocin and I don’t know if anybody remembers what oxytocin does
anybody remembers what oxytocin does
anybody remembers what oxytocin does that’s some amazing stuff you talk about
that’s some amazing stuff you talk about
that’s some amazing stuff you talk about a powerful love drug
a powerful love drug
a powerful love drug turns out oxytocin is what ejects the
turns out oxytocin is what ejects the
turns out oxytocin is what ejects the milk when the baby’s feeding on the
milk when the baby’s feeding on the
milk when the baby’s feeding on the breast it’s what helps in terms of an
breast it’s what helps in terms of an
breast it’s what helps in terms of an orgasm
orgasm
orgasm it’s what also gets the baby out when a
it’s what also gets the baby out when a
it’s what also gets the baby out when a mother is giving birth and it turns out
mother is giving birth and it turns out
mother is giving birth and it turns out that it’s what gives us this feeling of
that it’s what gives us this feeling of
that it’s what gives us this feeling of well-being when we are in contact or
well-being when we are in contact or
well-being when we are in contact or even speaking kindly to ourselves which
even speaking kindly to ourselves which
even speaking kindly to ourselves which means you have the ability to carry this
means you have the ability to carry this
means you have the ability to carry this with you all the time so when I have a
with you all the time so when I have a
with you all the time so when I have a teen who comes to me and says as has
teen who comes to me and says as has
teen who comes to me and says as has happened frequently of late because laws
happened frequently of late because laws
happened frequently of late because laws have been passed hey Doc any chance I
have been passed hey Doc any chance I
have been passed hey Doc any chance I can get that weed medical card I say I
can get that weed medical card I say I
can get that weed medical card I say I have a better drug for you right and so
have a better drug for you right and so
have a better drug for you right and so I teach them some of these tools what I
I teach them some of these tools what I
I teach them some of these tools what I know is that when I see an anxious teen
know is that when I see an anxious teen
know is that when I see an anxious teen when I see a teen that has very rigid
when I see a teen that has very rigid
when I see a teen that has very rigid roles and doesn’t like to break out of
roles and doesn’t like to break out of
roles and doesn’t like to break out of things I know that they’re struggling
things I know that they’re struggling
things I know that they’re struggling between the difference between
between the difference between
between the difference between self-esteem and the difference between
self-esteem and the difference between
self-esteem and the difference between self-esteem and self-worth self-esteem
self-esteem and self-worth self-esteem
self-esteem and self-worth self-esteem is definitely when everything that
is definitely when everything that
is definitely when everything that determines my worth is outside of me
determines my worth is outside of me
determines my worth is outside of me that is everything like grades my
that is everything like grades my
that is everything like grades my clothes the car I’m driving the house I
clothes the car I’m driving the house I
clothes the car I’m driving the house I live in self-worth is something that no
live in self-worth is something that no
live in self-worth is something that no one can take away from you this is yours
one can take away from you this is yours
one can take away from you this is yours and you can reinforce it with the self
and you can reinforce it with the self
and you can reinforce it with the self compassion which increases your levels
compassion which increases your levels
compassion which increases your levels of oxytocin we often wait why are things
of oxytocin we often wait why are things
of oxytocin we often wait why are things difficult things are difficult because
difficult things are difficult because
difficult things are difficult because without those things we would not
without those things we would not
without those things we would not understand how limited our time is on
understand how limited our time is on
understand how limited our time is on this earth and that limited time is
this earth and that limited time is
this earth and that limited time is there to align us with who we are to
there to align us with who we are to
there to align us with who we are to show us you don’t have all day the
show us you don’t have all day the
show us you don’t have all day the sooner you start practicing this the
sooner you start practicing this the
sooner you start practicing this the sooner you’ll get it right and that’s
sooner you’ll get it right and that’s
sooner you’ll get it right and that’s why every deathbed scene in every movie
why every deathbed scene in every movie
why every deathbed scene in every movie makes us so sad because we are well
makes us so sad because we are well
makes us so sad because we are well aware that we have such little time we
aware that we have such little time we
aware that we have such little time we have our thoughts and our emotions and
have our thoughts and our emotions and
have our thoughts and our emotions and this affects our behavior and fourteens
this affects our behavior and fourteens
this affects our behavior and fourteens the top three causes of death are
the top three causes of death are
the top three causes of death are accidental death suicide and homicide we
accidental death suicide and homicide we
accidental death suicide and homicide we know we have an
know we have an
know we have an on this we know we can change this by
on this we know we can change this by
on this we know we can change this by helping them understand their worth and
helping them understand their worth and
helping them understand their worth and they will never understand their worth
they will never understand their worth
they will never understand their worth when they do not have enough self
when they do not have enough self
when they do not have enough self compassion to look at their wounds to
compassion to look at their wounds to
compassion to look at their wounds to look at their pain their emotional pain
look at their pain their emotional pain
look at their pain their emotional pain with loving kindness instead of harsh
with loving kindness instead of harsh
with loving kindness instead of harsh criticism self compassion has been a way
criticism self compassion has been a way
criticism self compassion has been a way that I have been able to practice
that I have been able to practice
that I have been able to practice medicine and in doing so have my mission
medicine and in doing so have my mission
medicine and in doing so have my mission statement reinforced daily which is that
statement reinforced daily which is that
statement reinforced daily which is that anybody I come in contact with should
anybody I come in contact with should
anybody I come in contact with should always leave my presence
always leave my presence
always leave my presence hopefully feeling better and having
hopefully feeling better and having
hopefully feeling better and having learned more than before they entered my
learned more than before they entered my
learned more than before they entered my presence that becomes my mission
presence that becomes my mission
presence that becomes my mission statement when I am interacting with
statement when I am interacting with
statement when I am interacting with someone and so when I practice self
someone and so when I practice self
someone and so when I practice self compassion I increase the chances that
compassion I increase the chances that
compassion I increase the chances that that is likely there are tools that we
that is likely there are tools that we
that is likely there are tools that we can use to reinforce these I know some
can use to reinforce these I know some
can use to reinforce these I know some people find them very difficult but it
people find them very difficult but it
people find them very difficult but it is a daily practice and I tell them that
is a daily practice and I tell them that
is a daily practice and I tell them that all the time because I want them to
all the time because I want them to
all the time because I want them to understand you will not get it right at
understand you will not get it right at
understand you will not get it right at first it will be hard to remember but
first it will be hard to remember but
first it will be hard to remember but actually using practicing methods
actually using practicing methods
actually using practicing methods temporary tattoos things that will
temporary tattoos things that will
temporary tattoos things that will remind you constantly that these are the
remind you constantly that these are the
remind you constantly that these are the ways in which we can have you keep in
ways in which we can have you keep in
ways in which we can have you keep in that place of self compassion cream um
that place of self compassion cream um
that place of self compassion cream um no no Sonia no sandy first do no harm
no no Sonia no sandy first do no harm
no no Sonia no sandy first do no harm Miguel Ruiz wrote a book called The Four
Miguel Ruiz wrote a book called The Four
Miguel Ruiz wrote a book called The Four Agreements the first agreement is to be
Agreements the first agreement is to be
Agreements the first agreement is to be impeccable with your words and I know
impeccable with your words and I know
impeccable with your words and I know that the way that teens speak to
that the way that teens speak to
that the way that teens speak to themselves the way parents speak to
themselves the way parents speak to
themselves the way parents speak to themselves they would never speak to a
themselves they would never speak to a
themselves they would never speak to a four-year-old as a matter of fact that
four-year-old as a matter of fact that
four-year-old as a matter of fact that is often the way that I can get teens to
is often the way that I can get teens to
is often the way that I can get teens to figure out what they’re saying as I say
figure out what they’re saying as I say
figure out what they’re saying as I say would you say that to a four-year-old
would you say that to a four-year-old
would you say that to a four-year-old would you say that to your four-year-old
would you say that to your four-year-old
would you say that to your four-year-old self and they go absolutely not and so I
self and they go absolutely not and so I
self and they go absolutely not and so I say and why is it that you deserve that
say and why is it that you deserve that
say and why is it that you deserve that if they don’t have a way to trigger this
if they don’t have a way to trigger this
if they don’t have a way to trigger this kind of memory it will not stick you are
kind of memory it will not stick you are
kind of memory it will not stick you are worthy
worthy
worthy to quote Oprah Winfrey because you were
to quote Oprah Winfrey because you were
to quote Oprah Winfrey because you were born not because of your grades not
born not because of your grades not
born not because of your grades not because of where you’re going to school
because of where you’re going to school
because of where you’re going to school not because of where you come from or
not because of where you come from or
not because of where you come from or where you think you’re going and what
where you think you’re going and what
where you think you’re going and what you think you’re going to become the bad
you think you’re going to become the bad
you think you’re going to become the bad things that happen to you are there to
things that happen to you are there to
things that happen to you are there to remind you of that because never have I
remind you of that because never have I
remind you of that because never have I heard somebody say to me that I am NOT
heard somebody say to me that I am NOT
heard somebody say to me that I am NOT better because of what I have been
better because of what I have been
better because of what I have been through the point is to overcome the
through the point is to overcome the
through the point is to overcome the fear so that you can get through it and
fear so that you can get through it and
fear so that you can get through it and it is almost impossible to do this
it is almost impossible to do this
it is almost impossible to do this without self compassion first do no harm
without self compassion first do no harm
without self compassion first do no harm thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
[Applause] some using slides today
primum non nocere okay first do no harm
primum non nocere okay first do no harm we associate that with medicine and
we associate that with medicine and
we associate that with medicine and we’re supposed to do this both
we’re supposed to do this both
we’re supposed to do this both devised by Hippocrates that says first
devised by Hippocrates that says first
devised by Hippocrates that says first do no harm what they’re hoping is we
do no harm what they’re hoping is we
do no harm what they’re hoping is we won’t kill the patients because we’re
won’t kill the patients because we’re
won’t kill the patients because we’re learning medicine okay but what I
learning medicine okay but what I
learning medicine okay but what I started learning as I was practicing
started learning as I was practicing
started learning as I was practicing medicine was there are so many contexts
medicine was there are so many contexts
medicine was there are so many contexts in which we must first do no harm what
in which we must first do no harm what
in which we must first do no harm what we when we look at children and they’re
we when we look at children and they’re
we when we look at children and they’re having a tantrum or they’re upset
having a tantrum or they’re upset
having a tantrum or they’re upset we immediately feel like oh poor baby I
we immediately feel like oh poor baby I
we immediately feel like oh poor baby I grew up on the East Coast so there’s a
grew up on the East Coast so there’s a
grew up on the East Coast so there’s a lot of Spanish a lot of Puerto Ricans so
lot of Spanish a lot of Puerto Ricans so
lot of Spanish a lot of Puerto Ricans so as always Portal Ito Ito Ito bendito
as always Portal Ito Ito Ito bendito
as always Portal Ito Ito Ito bendito very easy to be vulnerable with children
very easy to be vulnerable with children
very easy to be vulnerable with children when they’re hurting we have no problem
when they’re hurting we have no problem
when they’re hurting we have no problem trying to soothe them their tears are so
trying to soothe them their tears are so
trying to soothe them their tears are so big
big
big their ache is so big and we have no
their ache is so big and we have no
their ache is so big and we have no problem saying to them it’s okay you’ll
problem saying to them it’s okay you’ll
problem saying to them it’s okay you’ll be okay
be okay
be okay the problem becomes when that child is
the problem becomes when that child is
the problem becomes when that child is your height or more we no longer see
your height or more we no longer see
your height or more we no longer see their heartache we see their
their heartache we see their
their heartache we see their obnoxiousness but what we don’t see is
obnoxiousness but what we don’t see is
obnoxiousness but what we don’t see is how they speak to themselves first do no
how they speak to themselves first do no
how they speak to themselves first do no harm
harm
harm first do no harm and what I found is
first do no harm and what I found is
first do no harm and what I found is that the teens did I interact with
that the teens did I interact with
that the teens did I interact with because I was trained to practice
because I was trained to practice
because I was trained to practice medicine and I was trained to not hurt
medicine and I was trained to not hurt
medicine and I was trained to not hurt them with medicine but they did not
them with medicine but they did not
them with medicine but they did not teach us not to hurt them with our words
teach us not to hurt them with our words
teach us not to hurt them with our words so when we weight a patient and we said
so when we weight a patient and we said
so when we weight a patient and we said you know your weights up and when we
you know your weights up and when we
you know your weights up and when we asked a patient to do a certain regimen
asked a patient to do a certain regimen
asked a patient to do a certain regimen and they didn’t do it so they weren’t
and they didn’t do it so they weren’t
and they didn’t do it so they weren’t better
better
better and we scolded we still didn’t remember
and we scolded we still didn’t remember
and we scolded we still didn’t remember that quote first dude no harm and so
that quote first dude no harm and so
that quote first dude no harm and so what we did was we reinforced how
what we did was we reinforced how
what we did was we reinforced how self-critical people are of themselves
self-critical people are of themselves
self-critical people are of themselves the problem with being self-critical is
the problem with being self-critical is
the problem with being self-critical is it becomes incredibly difficult to meet
it becomes incredibly difficult to meet
it becomes incredibly difficult to meet one’s goals it becomes so difficult that
one’s goals it becomes so difficult that
one’s goals it becomes so difficult that I have encountered so many teens who are
I have encountered so many teens who are
I have encountered so many teens who are trouble even getting out of bed they are
trouble even getting out of bed they are
trouble even getting out of bed they are unable to get to school
unable to get to school
unable to get to school unable to do homework unable to focus
unable to do homework unable to focus
unable to do homework unable to focus unable to have an idea of what it is
unable to have an idea of what it is
unable to have an idea of what it is they might want to do on this earth
they might want to do on this earth
they might want to do on this earth first do no harm what I realized is it
first do no harm what I realized is it
first do no harm what I realized is it takes so much courage to ask why is it
takes so much courage to ask why is it
takes so much courage to ask why is it that I am so self-critical it takes a
that I am so self-critical it takes a
that I am so self-critical it takes a lot of courage to actually look at
lot of courage to actually look at
lot of courage to actually look at yourself and say why can’t I treat
yourself and say why can’t I treat
yourself and say why can’t I treat myself like the five-year-old child
myself like the five-year-old child
myself like the five-year-old child that’s hurting inside me and so what
that’s hurting inside me and so what
that’s hurting inside me and so what I’ve found that I can amend how I
I’ve found that I can amend how I
I’ve found that I can amend how I practice medicine by looking at the team
practice medicine by looking at the team
practice medicine by looking at the team in front of me that is sometimes taller
in front of me that is sometimes taller
in front of me that is sometimes taller than I am and instead of looking at them
than I am and instead of looking at them
than I am and instead of looking at them as this really functioning human being
as this really functioning human being
as this really functioning human being what I do is I look at the four-year-old
what I do is I look at the four-year-old
what I do is I look at the four-year-old in them and I teach them how to have
in them and I teach them how to have
in them and I teach them how to have self compassion and so what I say is
self compassion and so what I say is
self compassion and so what I say is first do no harm and that includes you
first do no harm and that includes you
first do no harm and that includes you to yourself because we know that we when
to yourself because we know that we when
to yourself because we know that we when we are emotionally hurting we absolutely
we are emotionally hurting we absolutely
we are emotionally hurting we absolutely hurt others and so the question to ask
hurt others and so the question to ask
hurt others and so the question to ask is to have the courage to say if I am
is to have the courage to say if I am
is to have the courage to say if I am hurting and I hurt others then I need
hurting and I hurt others then I need
hurting and I hurt others then I need the courage to be curious enough to know
the courage to be curious enough to know
the courage to be curious enough to know why I am hurting and if I can teach that
why I am hurting and if I can teach that
why I am hurting and if I can teach that before they leave the room what I do is
before they leave the room what I do is
before they leave the room what I do is I find that I can put them in a
I find that I can put them in a
I find that I can put them in a different state of being it turns out
different state of being it turns out
different state of being it turns out that that self-critical talk does a
that that self-critical talk does a
that that self-critical talk does a number on some very important
number on some very important
number on some very important chemistry’s in our brain
chemistry’s in our brain
chemistry’s in our brain and what it does is it increases our
and what it does is it increases our
and what it does is it increases our amount of cortisol cortisol which can
amount of cortisol cortisol which can
amount of cortisol cortisol which can cause a lot of inflammation throughout
cause a lot of inflammation throughout
cause a lot of inflammation throughout the body so it’s no surprise when I have
the body so it’s no surprise when I have
the body so it’s no surprise when I have a teen who comes to me and has something
a teen who comes to me and has something
a teen who comes to me and has something like I have a domino pain an achy all
like I have a domino pain an achy all
like I have a domino pain an achy all over I have a headache all the time
over I have a headache all the time
over I have a headache all the time I don’t function well I just don’t move
I don’t function well I just don’t move
I don’t function well I just don’t move well it’s no surprise because we know
well it’s no surprise because we know
well it’s no surprise because we know that those negative thoughts do a number
that those negative thoughts do a number
that those negative thoughts do a number on how the body works we also know that
on how the body works we also know that
on how the body works we also know that this is an complete decline that can
this is an complete decline that can
this is an complete decline that can lead to very bad toxic outcomes whether
lead to very bad toxic outcomes whether
lead to very bad toxic outcomes whether it be cancer Crohn’s disease all these
it be cancer Crohn’s disease all these
it be cancer Crohn’s disease all these other diseases these are our thoughts
other diseases these are our thoughts
other diseases these are our thoughts not the medicine first do no harm what
not the medicine first do no harm what
not the medicine first do no harm what we do is when we walk out of our homes
we do is when we walk out of our homes
we do is when we walk out of our homes in the morning we come out with our
in the morning we come out with our
in the morning we come out with our armor
armor
armor right for some people the armor looks
right for some people the armor looks
right for some people the armor looks like makeup for some people the armor is
like makeup for some people the armor is
like makeup for some people the armor is their nice clothes for others the armor
their nice clothes for others the armor
their nice clothes for others the armor may look like their body building I had
may look like their body building I had
may look like their body building I had a patient who wouldn’t stop talking
a patient who wouldn’t stop talking
a patient who wouldn’t stop talking about how much he had body builded and
about how much he had body builded and
about how much he had body builded and how great he looked and so of course I
how great he looked and so of course I
how great he looked and so of course I knew that that was his armor right and
knew that that was his armor right and
knew that that was his armor right and so what I do is I understand and I
so what I do is I understand and I
so what I do is I understand and I remember first do no harm and instead of
remember first do no harm and instead of
remember first do no harm and instead of complimenting on what they want me to
complimenting on what they want me to
complimenting on what they want me to look at what I do is I show the courage
look at what I do is I show the courage
look at what I do is I show the courage to say and why is this important to you
to say and why is this important to you
to say and why is this important to you I become curious in an effort to model
I become curious in an effort to model
I become curious in an effort to model for them in that short time period that
for them in that short time period that
for them in that short time period that I’m with them how to be curious about
I’m with them how to be curious about
I’m with them how to be curious about why I’m feeling that way which requires
why I’m feeling that way which requires
why I’m feeling that way which requires incredible amounts of vulnerability
incredible amounts of vulnerability
incredible amounts of vulnerability that’s why we have the armor all right
that’s why we have the armor all right
that’s why we have the armor all right so because of that I get past the armor
so because of that I get past the armor
so because of that I get past the armor and then I can talk to them more it
and then I can talk to them more it
and then I can talk to them more it turns out that that self-compassion is
turns out that that self-compassion is
turns out that that self-compassion is an incredible exhibitor of a hormone
an incredible exhibitor of a hormone
an incredible exhibitor of a hormone called oxytocin and I don’t know if
called oxytocin and I don’t know if
called oxytocin and I don’t know if anybody remembers what oxytocin does
anybody remembers what oxytocin does
anybody remembers what oxytocin does that’s some amazing stuff you talk about
that’s some amazing stuff you talk about
that’s some amazing stuff you talk about a powerful love drug
a powerful love drug
a powerful love drug turns out oxytocin is what ejects the
turns out oxytocin is what ejects the
turns out oxytocin is what ejects the milk when the baby’s feeding on the
milk when the baby’s feeding on the
milk when the baby’s feeding on the breast it’s what helps in terms of an
breast it’s what helps in terms of an
breast it’s what helps in terms of an orgasm
orgasm
orgasm it’s what also gets the baby out when a
it’s what also gets the baby out when a
it’s what also gets the baby out when a mother is giving birth and it turns out
mother is giving birth and it turns out
mother is giving birth and it turns out that it’s what gives us this feeling of
that it’s what gives us this feeling of
that it’s what gives us this feeling of well-being when we are in contact or
well-being when we are in contact or
well-being when we are in contact or even speaking kindly to ourselves which
even speaking kindly to ourselves which
even speaking kindly to ourselves which means you have the ability to carry this
means you have the ability to carry this
means you have the ability to carry this with you all the time so when I have a
with you all the time so when I have a
with you all the time so when I have a teen who comes to me and says as has
teen who comes to me and says as has
teen who comes to me and says as has happened frequently of late because laws
happened frequently of late because laws
happened frequently of late because laws have been passed hey Doc any chance I
have been passed hey Doc any chance I
have been passed hey Doc any chance I can get that weed medical card I say I
can get that weed medical card I say I
can get that weed medical card I say I have a better drug for you right and so
have a better drug for you right and so
have a better drug for you right and so I teach them some of these tools what I
I teach them some of these tools what I
I teach them some of these tools what I know is that when I see an anxious teen
know is that when I see an anxious teen
know is that when I see an anxious teen when I see a teen that has very rigid
when I see a teen that has very rigid
when I see a teen that has very rigid roles and doesn’t like to break out of
roles and doesn’t like to break out of
roles and doesn’t like to break out of things I know that they’re struggling
things I know that they’re struggling
things I know that they’re struggling between the difference between
between the difference between
between the difference between self-esteem and the difference between
self-esteem and the difference between
self-esteem and the difference between self-esteem and self-worth self-esteem
self-esteem and self-worth self-esteem
self-esteem and self-worth self-esteem is definitely when everything that
is definitely when everything that
is definitely when everything that determines my worth is outside of me
determines my worth is outside of me
determines my worth is outside of me that is everything like grades my
that is everything like grades my
that is everything like grades my clothes the car I’m driving the house I
clothes the car I’m driving the house I
clothes the car I’m driving the house I live in self-worth is something that no
live in self-worth is something that no
live in self-worth is something that no one can take away from you this is yours
one can take away from you this is yours
one can take away from you this is yours and you can reinforce it with the self
and you can reinforce it with the self
and you can reinforce it with the self compassion which increases your levels
compassion which increases your levels
compassion which increases your levels of oxytocin we often wait why are things
of oxytocin we often wait why are things
of oxytocin we often wait why are things difficult things are difficult because
difficult things are difficult because
difficult things are difficult because without those things we would not
without those things we would not
without those things we would not understand how limited our time is on
understand how limited our time is on
understand how limited our time is on this earth and that limited time is
this earth and that limited time is
this earth and that limited time is there to align us with who we are to
there to align us with who we are to
there to align us with who we are to show us you don’t have all day the
show us you don’t have all day the
show us you don’t have all day the sooner you start practicing this the
sooner you start practicing this the
sooner you start practicing this the sooner you’ll get it right and that’s
sooner you’ll get it right and that’s
sooner you’ll get it right and that’s why every deathbed scene in every movie
why every deathbed scene in every movie
why every deathbed scene in every movie makes us so sad because we are well
makes us so sad because we are well
makes us so sad because we are well aware that we have such little time we
aware that we have such little time we
aware that we have such little time we have our thoughts and our emotions and
have our thoughts and our emotions and
have our thoughts and our emotions and this affects our behavior and fourteens
this affects our behavior and fourteens
this affects our behavior and fourteens the top three causes of death are
the top three causes of death are
the top three causes of death are accidental death suicide and homicide we
accidental death suicide and homicide we
accidental death suicide and homicide we know we have an
know we have an
know we have an on this we know we can change this by
on this we know we can change this by
on this we know we can change this by helping them understand their worth and
helping them understand their worth and
helping them understand their worth and they will never understand their worth
they will never understand their worth
they will never understand their worth when they do not have enough self
when they do not have enough self
when they do not have enough self compassion to look at their wounds to
compassion to look at their wounds to
compassion to look at their wounds to look at their pain their emotional pain
look at their pain their emotional pain
look at their pain their emotional pain with loving kindness instead of harsh
with loving kindness instead of harsh
with loving kindness instead of harsh criticism self compassion has been a way
criticism self compassion has been a way
criticism self compassion has been a way that I have been able to practice
that I have been able to practice
that I have been able to practice medicine and in doing so have my mission
medicine and in doing so have my mission
medicine and in doing so have my mission statement reinforced daily which is that
statement reinforced daily which is that
statement reinforced daily which is that anybody I come in contact with should
anybody I come in contact with should
anybody I come in contact with should always leave my presence
always leave my presence
always leave my presence hopefully feeling better and having
hopefully feeling better and having
hopefully feeling better and having learned more than before they entered my
learned more than before they entered my
learned more than before they entered my presence that becomes my mission
presence that becomes my mission
presence that becomes my mission statement when I am interacting with
statement when I am interacting with
statement when I am interacting with someone and so when I practice self
someone and so when I practice self
someone and so when I practice self compassion I increase the chances that
compassion I increase the chances that
compassion I increase the chances that that is likely there are tools that we
that is likely there are tools that we
that is likely there are tools that we can use to reinforce these I know some
can use to reinforce these I know some
can use to reinforce these I know some people find them very difficult but it
people find them very difficult but it
people find them very difficult but it is a daily practice and I tell them that
is a daily practice and I tell them that
is a daily practice and I tell them that all the time because I want them to
all the time because I want them to
all the time because I want them to understand you will not get it right at
understand you will not get it right at
understand you will not get it right at first it will be hard to remember but
first it will be hard to remember but
first it will be hard to remember but actually using practicing methods
actually using practicing methods
actually using practicing methods temporary tattoos things that will
temporary tattoos things that will
temporary tattoos things that will remind you constantly that these are the
remind you constantly that these are the
remind you constantly that these are the ways in which we can have you keep in
ways in which we can have you keep in
ways in which we can have you keep in that place of self compassion cream um
that place of self compassion cream um
that place of self compassion cream um no no Sonia no sandy first do no harm
no no Sonia no sandy first do no harm
no no Sonia no sandy first do no harm Miguel Ruiz wrote a book called The Four
Miguel Ruiz wrote a book called The Four
Miguel Ruiz wrote a book called The Four Agreements the first agreement is to be
Agreements the first agreement is to be
Agreements the first agreement is to be impeccable with your words and I know
impeccable with your words and I know
impeccable with your words and I know that the way that teens speak to
that the way that teens speak to
that the way that teens speak to themselves the way parents speak to
themselves the way parents speak to
themselves the way parents speak to themselves they would never speak to a
themselves they would never speak to a
themselves they would never speak to a four-year-old as a matter of fact that
four-year-old as a matter of fact that
four-year-old as a matter of fact that is often the way that I can get teens to
is often the way that I can get teens to
is often the way that I can get teens to figure out what they’re saying as I say
figure out what they’re saying as I say
figure out what they’re saying as I say would you say that to a four-year-old
would you say that to a four-year-old
would you say that to a four-year-old would you say that to your four-year-old
would you say that to your four-year-old
would you say that to your four-year-old self and they go absolutely not and so I
self and they go absolutely not and so I
self and they go absolutely not and so I say and why is it that you deserve that
say and why is it that you deserve that
say and why is it that you deserve that if they don’t have a way to trigger this
if they don’t have a way to trigger this
if they don’t have a way to trigger this kind of memory it will not stick you are
kind of memory it will not stick you are
kind of memory it will not stick you are worthy
worthy
worthy to quote Oprah Winfrey because you were
to quote Oprah Winfrey because you were
to quote Oprah Winfrey because you were born not because of your grades not
born not because of your grades not
born not because of your grades not because of where you’re going to school
because of where you’re going to school
because of where you’re going to school not because of where you come from or
not because of where you come from or
not because of where you come from or where you think you’re going and what
where you think you’re going and what
where you think you’re going and what you think you’re going to become the bad
you think you’re going to become the bad
you think you’re going to become the bad things that happen to you are there to
things that happen to you are there to
things that happen to you are there to remind you of that because never have I
remind you of that because never have I
remind you of that because never have I heard somebody say to me that I am NOT
heard somebody say to me that I am NOT
heard somebody say to me that I am NOT better because of what I have been
better because of what I have been
better because of what I have been through the point is to overcome the
through the point is to overcome the
through the point is to overcome the fear so that you can get through it and
fear so that you can get through it and
fear so that you can get through it and it is almost impossible to do this
it is almost impossible to do this
it is almost impossible to do this without self compassion first do no harm
without self compassion first do no harm
without self compassion first do no harm thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
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