how many of you just cringed it’s okay
you are not alone money is one of those
topics that people tend to shy away from
very similar to politics and religions
and we’re definitely not talking about
politics today but regardless we are
talking about money and it’s important
that we do did you know that nearly half
of Americans say that money is one of
the most difficult topics to discuss
another study found that four out of ten
Americans admit admit to keeping
financial secrets from their partner so
this topic makes you a little anxious
try not to worry I’m not going to ask
you everyone to pull out their cell
phones right now and share sensitive
financial information with your neighbor
or your partner instead we’re just gonna
focus on me I’m a saver my wife knows
this all too well she says that that’s
how we balance each other out
she likes to spend I don’t a match made
in heaven right in fact when we go
grocery shopping I’m always trying to
encourage her to get the off-brand
products or to swing by all these to see
if we could get something cheaper it
hasn’t worked but I’m still trying when
it comes to trip’s my wife is always
trying to plan these elaborate vacations
and I’m like babe can we just do a
staycation and I’m not talking about in
Atlanta either I’m talking about right
here
in Athens Georgia I’m sure there’s some
free parks museums and exhibits we have
get to explore and when it comes to cars
we have completely different tastes my
wife really really really once in a cura
me on the other hand if I could get and
I’m being honest here if I could get
500,000 miles out of my 2005 Toyota
from the outside looking in you might
not think much about my saving behaviors
other than the fact that I’m cheap I
prefer frugal but why do I save the way
that I do when I was about 9 or 10 years
of age I remember running into my mom’s
room and plopping down on the bed right
beside her while she was working on her
budget and I can see it like it was
yesterday
there was this column and there were all
these numbers some she had scratched
through other she had put question marks
x2 and then there was this line and
there were more numbers that continued
past it I didn’t see it when I was
younger but as I got a little bit older
I came to realize that then the numbers
probably weren’t going to get paid that
the weight of that moment still sticks
with me today it’s impacted my
relationship with money in fact after
that I stopped asking for things stopped
asking for birthday gifts and Christmas
presents because I did not want to be
the source of her frustration I did not
want to be another number on her budget
I wish I could tell you all that I’m a
saver because I’m a PhD student in an
amazing financial planning program here
at the University of Georgia but I save
because I never want to experience the
moment my mother and I shared all of
those years ago see when we focus only
on the numbers we miss out on the story
that’s driving it matter of fact a
colleague was telling me a story about a
lady who had gone in to get her taxes
filed and about halfway through the
volunteer tax preparer realized that the
lady was going to receive a really
sizable tax refund so we asked her what
do you plan on doing with that refund
and she says with this big old grin I’m
gonna buy a really big flat-screen
television the volunteer tax repair
after that tried to do everything with
the diss power to get her not to buy the
television and to save that money
instead but she would not budge so at
the very end of the tax filing process
he just had to ask why is that
flat-screen television so important to
you she turns around and looks at him
and says well I stay in a really really
rough neighborhood and if I buy this
flat-screen television and I can keep my
kids and their friends in our home as
opposed to running around in the streets
then that’s just one thing that I’m
gonna do to try to keep them safe the
volunteer tax preparer made a snap
judgment about that lady like many of
you just did be honest as soon as I said
she
going to buy that big flat-screen
television a lot of you to back of your
minds like mm-hmm
she’s about to blow that money again
when we only focus on the numbers it’s
even easy to make snap judgments about
someone’s character level of education
or their ability to make sound financial
decisions believe it or not we even do
this in the financial services industry
we make recommendations to clients and
if they don’t follow our expert
logically sound advice then there’s
something wrong with the client and not
our process we don’t spend a lot of time
thinking about the whys why one client
didn’t complete the spending plan why
another did make a harmless call to the
creditors or why a struggling mother of
two refuses to set foot in a public
assistance office but I know better
there’s always a story beneath the
numbers and if we would ask we might
find out that the client who did not
complete the spending plan didn’t do so
because every time he looks at his
expenses he’s induced with a high level
of anxiety or we might find out that the
client who didn’t make the harmless call
to the creditors to request a lower
interest rate on a credit cards doesn’t
do so because she was raised in a
household where she was harshly
reprimanded every time she asked for
something as my four-year-old would say
you get what you get
you don’t pitch a fit or we might find
that the struggling mother of two who
doesn’t want to set foot in a public
assistance office doesn’t do so because
she’s ashamed that she’s in a place that
empathy does not equal complacency let
me say that again empathy does not equal
complacency listening to someone’s story
does not mean we’re accepting excuses
for an action it’s the complete opposite
it’s only when we understand the stories
of the people we serve that we’re able
to create solutions where they are and
not where we expect them to be let’s go
back to the struggling mother of two she
came in to see me and after I assessed
everything I made the recommendation
that you need to be on public assistance
and she would not do it we went meeting
after meeting and I would think we were
getting close but she just wouldn’t
budge and it wasn’t until about the
third or fourth meeting that she had
mentioned that she was embarrassed and a
light bulb went off I realized that I
had been approaching our sessions
entirely wrong so the next week when she
came in we took more time to talk about
how she didn’t have to set foot in a
public assistance office and that she
could apply for those benefits online
from the comforts of her own home we
also talked about how when she got her
benefits card that it would be
indistinguishable from any other card
that she held in her pocketbook within
about a month’s time of that last
meeting she applied for and received the
benefits her and her family desperately
needed learning to care about the
stories beneath the numbers is how I’ve
come to create better rapport with my
clients and have learned to create
solutions that yield greater results but
it’s important to know that you all have
a story as well how you’ve internalized
your story with regards to your
relationship with money whether you see
it or not has real
sequences on the way that you live your
lives today so I want to invite all of
you to take some time to get to know
your story doesn’t have to be today it
doesn’t have to be tomorrow it can be
three months from now but when you do
you will have greater awareness as to
why you make the financial decisions
that you make and that heightened sense
of where of awareness is one of the
first steps that any of us any of us can
take towards financial wellness beyond
that and most importantly when we’re
sensitive to our own stories it’s easier
to connect understand and empathize with
the stories of others so whether you’re
a financial planner making a
recommendation to a client a couple
getting ready to roll up your sleeves
and tackle your financial affairs or a
bystander casting judgment on a
financial decision someone just made you
you all have a very important choice to
make will you choose to focus only on
the numbers or will you search for the story that lies beneath thank