[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
what an astonishing day would you all
what an astonishing day would you all take a moment and please breathe with me
[Music]
[Music] someone is attempting suicide right now
someone is completing suicide someone is
someone is completing suicide someone is dying tragically someone has just found
dying tragically someone has just found
dying tragically someone has just found out they are diagnosed with the terminal
out they are diagnosed with the terminal
out they are diagnosed with the terminal illness someone is being bullied and
illness someone is being bullied and
illness someone is being bullied and someone has lost a favorite pet how many
someone has lost a favorite pet how many
someone has lost a favorite pet how many of you have lost a loved one hands how
of you have lost a loved one hands how
of you have lost a loved one hands how many of you have put a smile on your
many of you have put a smile on your
many of you have put a smile on your face when your heart was broke and you
face when your heart was broke and you
face when your heart was broke and you went about your life how many of you
went about your life how many of you
went about your life how many of you have children right now who are afraid
have children right now who are afraid
have children right now who are afraid to go to school how many of you have had
to go to school how many of you have had
to go to school how many of you have had an experience that you were too afraid
an experience that you were too afraid
an experience that you were too afraid to share because it might make you
to share because it might make you
to share because it might make you uncomfortable or you were so ashamed so
uncomfortable or you were so ashamed so
uncomfortable or you were so ashamed so the grief is stirring I dedicate this
the grief is stirring I dedicate this
the grief is stirring I dedicate this talk to my beloved Sebulba so may my
talk to my beloved Sebulba so may my
talk to my beloved Sebulba so may my African teacher mentor and friend from
African teacher mentor and friend from
African teacher mentor and friend from whom I had the opportunity to learn for
whom I had the opportunity to learn for
whom I had the opportunity to learn for many years as she offered Western
many years as she offered Western
many years as she offered Western culture wisdom from her dog at a tribe
culture wisdom from her dog at a tribe
culture wisdom from her dog at a tribe honoring grief and prosperity
honoring grief and prosperity
honoring grief and prosperity it is sabor foo who brought me to the
it is sabor foo who brought me to the
it is sabor foo who brought me to the awareness that grief is a blessing and
awareness that grief is a blessing and
awareness that grief is a blessing and it is her that I offer gratitude as her
it is her that I offer gratitude as her
it is her that I offer gratitude as her thoughts come through me to you a
thoughts come through me to you a
thoughts come through me to you a blessing in grief how does that come to
blessing in grief how does that come to
blessing in grief how does that come to be
be
be you see griefs my jam I don’t even have
you see griefs my jam I don’t even have
you see griefs my jam I don’t even have to seek it out
to seek it out
to seek it out I’m just deeply attuned with it I can
I’m just deeply attuned with it I can
I’m just deeply attuned with it I can feel it everywhere and our people our
feel it everywhere and our people our
feel it everywhere and our people our land the air the water the animals
land the air the water the animals
land the air the water the animals grief is a blessing to me because I’ve
grief is a blessing to me because I’ve
grief is a blessing to me because I’ve been transformed by it and I’ve learned
been transformed by it and I’ve learned
been transformed by it and I’ve learned about the heart and soul of us through
about the heart and soul of us through
about the heart and soul of us through it and my heart has broken wide open as
it and my heart has broken wide open as
it and my heart has broken wide open as a result of it
a result of it
a result of it my first conscious reckoning with grief
my first conscious reckoning with grief
my first conscious reckoning with grief I was four and five years old and I was
I was four and five years old and I was
I was four and five years old and I was travelling in our station wagon to the
travelling in our station wagon to the
travelling in our station wagon to the beach when a large truck with huge
beach when a large truck with huge
beach when a large truck with huge felled Douglas firs wrapped in chains
felled Douglas firs wrapped in chains
felled Douglas firs wrapped in chains came rolling by the highway I remember I
came rolling by the highway I remember I
came rolling by the highway I remember I felt terrible for those trees being cut
felt terrible for those trees being cut
felt terrible for those trees being cut down and then instantly afraid that the
down and then instantly afraid that the
down and then instantly afraid that the chains would break and come crashing
chains would break and come crashing
chains would break and come crashing down and kill me because they had been
down and kill me because they had been
down and kill me because they had been cut down I kept this earth body grief to
cut down I kept this earth body grief to
cut down I kept this earth body grief to myself
myself
myself the second grief was the death of my
the second grief was the death of my
the second grief was the death of my Swiss granny when I was six years old
Swiss granny when I was six years old
Swiss granny when I was six years old the one used to send poetry to me and
the one used to send poetry to me and
the one used to send poetry to me and press flowers the one who could make art
press flowers the one who could make art
press flowers the one who could make art out of anything around and the one I
out of anything around and the one I
out of anything around and the one I knew loved me I was told that she would
knew loved me I was told that she would
knew loved me I was told that she would not be coming to visit us anymore I was
not be coming to visit us anymore I was
not be coming to visit us anymore I was told the children are too young for
told the children are too young for
told the children are too young for funerals
funerals
funerals my father was sullen and distant for a
my father was sullen and distant for a
my father was sullen and distant for a while and granny was never discussed
while and granny was never discussed
while and granny was never discussed again such was communal grief the third
again such was communal grief the third
again such was communal grief the third grief that shaped my life journey was
grief that shaped my life journey was
grief that shaped my life journey was the time I spent with my family living
the time I spent with my family living
the time I spent with my family living in Banaras India when I was 9 and 10
in Banaras India when I was 9 and 10
in Banaras India when I was 9 and 10 years old this is the holy city where
years old this is the holy city where
years old this is the holy city where the Hindus go to die there the burning
the Hindus go to die there the burning
the Hindus go to die there the burning gods burned 24/7 and the ashes of the
gods burned 24/7 and the ashes of the
gods burned 24/7 and the ashes of the Dead flowed along the Ganges River with
Dead flowed along the Ganges River with
Dead flowed along the Ganges River with the bathers
the bathers
the bathers I remember being jolted awake with the
I remember being jolted awake with the
I remember being jolted awake with the searing questions why are there starving
searing questions why are there starving
searing questions why are there starving children and I’m not one of them what
children and I’m not one of them what
children and I’m not one of them what about this death all around me what do I
about this death all around me what do I
about this death all around me what do I do with this this horrible ancient
do with this this horrible ancient
do with this this horrible ancient ancestral primordial grief this awful
ancestral primordial grief this awful
ancestral primordial grief this awful terrible visitor that comes at our door
terrible visitor that comes at our door
terrible visitor that comes at our door and enters without a knock and without
and enters without a knock and without
and enters without a knock and without notice and impacts everything it comes
notice and impacts everything it comes
notice and impacts everything it comes in contact with what did I do with these
in contact with what did I do with these
in contact with what did I do with these experiences I did what was expected I
experiences I did what was expected I
experiences I did what was expected I swallowed them digested them turned him
swallowed them digested them turned him
swallowed them digested them turned him against myself
against myself
against myself in other words I turned them into
in other words I turned them into
in other words I turned them into unresolved grief which is the experience
unresolved grief which is the experience
unresolved grief which is the experience where the process of grief does not have
where the process of grief does not have
where the process of grief does not have a place to release and let go of itself
a place to release and let go of itself
a place to release and let go of itself my view milah mad mad with that maybe my
my view milah mad mad with that maybe my
my view milah mad mad with that maybe my read grief resulted in deep paths of
read grief resulted in deep paths of
read grief resulted in deep paths of self-loathing misuse of substances and a
self-loathing misuse of substances and a
self-loathing misuse of substances and a convincing thought that I didn’t deserve
convincing thought that I didn’t deserve
convincing thought that I didn’t deserve to get anything or to suffer because of
to get anything or to suffer because of
to get anything or to suffer because of all the suffering elsewhere this had
all the suffering elsewhere this had
all the suffering elsewhere this had adverse effects on me and I chose a
adverse effects on me and I chose a
adverse effects on me and I chose a career where for half of the 25 years
career where for half of the 25 years
career where for half of the 25 years I’ve had a front row seat a place in the
I’ve had a front row seat a place in the
I’ve had a front row seat a place in the trenches of the institution of grief
trenches of the institution of grief
trenches of the institution of grief called the psychiatric ward with people
called the psychiatric ward with people
called the psychiatric ward with people who think they are crazy
who think they are crazy
who think they are crazy who do not want to be here they’re the
who do not want to be here they’re the
who do not want to be here they’re the wounded ones who reflect who mirror what
wounded ones who reflect who mirror what
wounded ones who reflect who mirror what we don’t want to deal with they’re not
we don’t want to deal with they’re not
we don’t want to deal with they’re not the broken ones the system and the
the broken ones the system and the
the broken ones the system and the culture is broken we are a nation that
culture is broken we are a nation that
culture is broken we are a nation that does not have a language for grief and
does not have a language for grief and
does not have a language for grief and yet grief is a universal language we all
yet grief is a universal language we all
yet grief is a universal language we all encounter we cringe over it we resist it
encounter we cringe over it we resist it
encounter we cringe over it we resist it we hide and we judge it it transforms
we hide and we judge it it transforms
we hide and we judge it it transforms into fear depression defense and the
into fear depression defense and the
into fear depression defense and the many faces of grief are
many faces of grief are
many faces of grief are non-discriminatory there is simple
non-discriminatory there is simple
non-discriminatory there is simple visible invisible communal
visible invisible communal
visible invisible communal compound-complex ancestral past life
compound-complex ancestral past life
compound-complex ancestral past life primordial and earth body griefs and
primordial and earth body griefs and
primordial and earth body griefs and there’s no measurement defining the
there’s no measurement defining the
there’s no measurement defining the impact of how these griefs are imparted
impact of how these griefs are imparted
impact of how these griefs are imparted on us the grief of suicide is one of
on us the grief of suicide is one of
on us the grief of suicide is one of loneliness isolation and disconnection
loneliness isolation and disconnection
loneliness isolation and disconnection there has been a 25% increase within the
there has been a 25% increase within the
there has been a 25% increase within the last 15 years in America a 40% increase
last 15 years in America a 40% increase
last 15 years in America a 40% increase of a female a 35% increase with male
of a female a 35% increase with male
of a female a 35% increase with male teen suicide this is the cohort most
teen suicide this is the cohort most
teen suicide this is the cohort most impacted by a culture of disconnection
impacted by a culture of disconnection
impacted by a culture of disconnection we are responsible for dealing with our
we are responsible for dealing with our
we are responsible for dealing with our unresolved grief for doing our work
unresolved grief for doing our work
unresolved grief for doing our work for the sake of the children for they
for the sake of the children for they
for the sake of the children for they now are carrying the burden of our
now are carrying the burden of our
now are carrying the burden of our refusal suicide devastates family and
refusal suicide devastates family and
refusal suicide devastates family and friends and it’s also about our
friends and it’s also about our
friends and it’s also about our community a reflection in our community
community a reflection in our community
community a reflection in our community of the inability to share our grief when
of the inability to share our grief when
of the inability to share our grief when we speak of suicide acts of terror war
we speak of suicide acts of terror war
we speak of suicide acts of terror war violence school shootings environmental
violence school shootings environmental
violence school shootings environmental disasters we are speaking of complex
disasters we are speaking of complex
disasters we are speaking of complex grief complex grief is one of the griefs
grief complex grief is one of the griefs
grief complex grief is one of the griefs that is permeates everywhere our
that is permeates everywhere our
that is permeates everywhere our familial life our neighbourhood our
familial life our neighbourhood our
familial life our neighbourhood our community our country and it is one of
community our country and it is one of
community our country and it is one of the griefs that has to be processed
the griefs that has to be processed
the griefs that has to be processed through sharing it cannot be held alone
through sharing it cannot be held alone
through sharing it cannot be held alone a prominent theme in the psych ward is
a prominent theme in the psych ward is
a prominent theme in the psych ward is the experience of feeling alone and
the experience of feeling alone and
the experience of feeling alone and without support this aloneness must be
without support this aloneness must be
without support this aloneness must be seen and spoken of and must be seen and
seen and spoken of and must be seen and
seen and spoken of and must be seen and spoken of now grief cannot be digested
spoken of now grief cannot be digested
spoken of now grief cannot be digested it is toxic it has to be released if you
it is toxic it has to be released if you
it is toxic it has to be released if you swallow digest shut it shove it shelve
swallow digest shut it shove it shelve
swallow digest shut it shove it shelve it curse it take substances for it grief
it curse it take substances for it grief
it curse it take substances for it grief turns to sickness and it’s well known
turns to sickness and it’s well known
turns to sickness and it’s well known that America has major heart and
that America has major heart and
that America has major heart and digestive problems and D the spin of
digestive problems and D the spin of
digestive problems and D the spin of toxins as it arise we have a tendency to
toxins as it arise we have a tendency to
toxins as it arise we have a tendency to hurt and blame ourselves more and swath
hurt and blame ourselves more and swath
hurt and blame ourselves more and swath of grief is not slowing down and mother
of grief is not slowing down and mother
of grief is not slowing down and mother earth herself is sick now with suicidal
earth herself is sick now with suicidal
earth herself is sick now with suicidal gestures how then do we find this new
gestures how then do we find this new
gestures how then do we find this new way of addressing grief what’s this new
way of addressing grief what’s this new
way of addressing grief what’s this new articulation we need to begin to see
articulation we need to begin to see
articulation we need to begin to see grief not as a foreign entity but as a
grief not as a foreign entity but as a
grief not as a foreign entity but as a natural process
natural process
natural process and and and and a natural process in
and and and and a natural process in
and and and and a natural process in which we can heal ourselves a process in
which we can heal ourselves a process in
which we can heal ourselves a process in which we must address this process of
which we must address this process of
which we must address this process of briefly it’s so imperative in our lives
briefly it’s so imperative in our lives
briefly it’s so imperative in our lives right now that we’re sitting it with it
right now that we’re sitting it with it
right now that we’re sitting it with it and as we speak of it how I saved myself
and as we speak of it how I saved myself
and as we speak of it how I saved myself in this journey through my grief was
in this journey through my grief was
in this journey through my grief was through the experience of art and
through the experience of art and
through the experience of art and ceremony do you remember we have to
ceremony do you remember we have to
ceremony do you remember we have to remember we have to return we begin to
remember we have to return we begin to
remember we have to return we begin to recognize ceremony that ancient
recognize ceremony that ancient
recognize ceremony that ancient framework of community that space for
framework of community that space for
framework of community that space for joining we come together we share our
joining we come together we share our
joining we come together we share our story we cry our tears and we do it in
story we cry our tears and we do it in
story we cry our tears and we do it in ceremony we come together in circle we
ceremony we come together in circle we
ceremony we come together in circle we connect with source we make an intention
connect with source we make an intention
connect with source we make an intention we grieve our griefs that need to be
we grieve our griefs that need to be
we grieve our griefs that need to be released and we let go of them we are
released and we let go of them we are
released and we let go of them we are witnessed we release and we renew
witnessed we release and we renew
witnessed we release and we renew together now in order to do this there’s
together now in order to do this there’s
together now in order to do this there’s an invitation in the air what if you
an invitation in the air what if you
an invitation in the air what if you could give your grief away
could give your grief away
could give your grief away what if grief were not personal but part
what if grief were not personal but part
what if grief were not personal but part of this profound experience that we all
of this profound experience that we all
of this profound experience that we all have as humans
have as humans
have as humans what if loss could be held within
what if loss could be held within
what if loss could be held within ceremony and given back to source my
ceremony and given back to source my
ceremony and given back to source my source I mean the oneness the
source I mean the oneness the
source I mean the oneness the interconnectivity of all through
interconnectivity of all through
interconnectivity of all through participating in the collective
participating in the collective
participating in the collective experience of ceremony grief art or
experience of ceremony grief art or
experience of ceremony grief art or whatever feelings are that need to be
whatever feelings are that need to be
whatever feelings are that need to be expressed can be held witnessed
expressed can be held witnessed
expressed can be held witnessed supported and ultimately given back so
supported and ultimately given back so
supported and ultimately given back so ceremony is about connecting and
ceremony is about connecting and
ceremony is about connecting and connecting to everything as a resource
connecting to everything as a resource
connecting to everything as a resource for healing we’ve strayed far from our
for healing we’ve strayed far from our
for healing we’ve strayed far from our innate need in us to connect
innate need in us to connect
innate need in us to connect every ceremony involves the humans as
every ceremony involves the humans as
every ceremony involves the humans as they’re the anointment of connection
they’re the anointment of connection
they’re the anointment of connection these SAVs are singing dancing
these SAVs are singing dancing
these SAVs are singing dancing storytelling and silence when we sing
storytelling and silence when we sing
storytelling and silence when we sing together we’re celebrating our
together we’re celebrating our
together we’re celebrating our individual and collective voice when we
individual and collective voice when we
individual and collective voice when we dance we’re moving the rhythms of life
dance we’re moving the rhythms of life
dance we’re moving the rhythms of life when we share our story we’re accessing
when we share our story we’re accessing
when we share our story we’re accessing our humaneness and when we sit in
our humaneness and when we sit in
our humaneness and when we sit in silence we connect with the source and
silence we connect with the source and
silence we connect with the source and all and we are not alone we are
all and we are not alone we are
all and we are not alone we are practicing community we are shouldering
practicing community we are shouldering
practicing community we are shouldering our experiences together and we’re
our experiences together and we’re
our experiences together and we’re healed
healed
healed how and where to begin
how and where to begin
how and where to begin I invite you to begin with your
I invite you to begin with your
I invite you to begin with your innermost circle of family and friends
innermost circle of family and friends
innermost circle of family and friends and invite grief in yes you invite grief
and invite grief in yes you invite grief
and invite grief in yes you invite grief to sit at the table to share in the meal
to sit at the table to share in the meal
to sit at the table to share in the meal and you allow your tears to flow so you
and you allow your tears to flow so you
and you allow your tears to flow so you can refresh your soul you invite grief
can refresh your soul you invite grief
can refresh your soul you invite grief in and you share your story and you sing
in and you share your story and you sing
in and you share your story and you sing and you dance when you can and you share
and you dance when you can and you share
and you dance when you can and you share something of yourself you invite grief
something of yourself you invite grief
something of yourself you invite grief in you invite a sharing what is the
in you invite a sharing what is the
in you invite a sharing what is the deepest loss you have suffered we invite
deepest loss you have suffered we invite
deepest loss you have suffered we invite grief in require our tears we do it
grief in require our tears we do it
grief in require our tears we do it together and now now for some fun
we get to practice one of the human SAVs
we get to practice one of the human SAVs which is singing if you will so if you
which is singing if you will so if you
which is singing if you will so if you please lift your left left palm up and
please lift your left left palm up and
please lift your left left palm up and your right palm down please hold the
your right palm down please hold the
your right palm down please hold the hands at the person next to you and the
hands at the person next to you and the
hands at the person next to you and the people on the end of the aisle please
people on the end of the aisle please
people on the end of the aisle please take your palm and put it on your heart
take your palm and put it on your heart
take your palm and put it on your heart left palm up right palm down hand at the
left palm up right palm down hand at the
left palm up right palm down hand at the audience aisle to the heart the Buddha
audience aisle to the heart the Buddha
audience aisle to the heart the Buddha words at the end of the road all that
words at the end of the road all that
words at the end of the road all that matters is how well did I live how well
matters is how well did I live how well
matters is how well did I live how well did I love how well did I learn to let
did I love how well did I learn to let
did I love how well did I learn to let go for those of you who know it you’ll
go for those of you who know it you’ll
go for those of you who know it you’ll sing the first verse with me please and
sing the first verse with me please and
sing the first verse with me please and those of you who don’t you’ll come in on
those of you who don’t you’ll come in on
those of you who don’t you’ll come in on the second and the third verse which is
the second and the third verse which is
the second and the third verse which is how well did you love and you live and
how well did you love and you live and
how well did you love and you live and the third verse how well did we love and
the third verse how well did we love and
the third verse how well did we love and we live afterwards if you will please
we live afterwards if you will please
we live afterwards if you will please hold a moment of silence for those
hold a moment of silence for those
hold a moment of silence for those people who grieved for those who are
people who grieved for those who are
people who grieved for those who are grieving and for those who will grieve
grieving and for those who will grieve
grieving and for those who will grieve may they we put deep abandon and be held
may they we put deep abandon and be held
may they we put deep abandon and be held in the graces of love care and community
[Music]
[Music] at the end of the road all that matters
at the end of the road all that matters
at the end of the road all that matters is how well did I live how well did I
is how well did I live how well did I
is how well did I live how well did I love oh that’s so high for me how well
love oh that’s so high for me how well
love oh that’s so high for me how well did I learn to let go you come on
did I learn to let go you come on
did I learn to let go you come on everybody at the end of the road all
everybody at the end of the road all
everybody at the end of the road all that matters is how well did you live
that matters is how well did you live
that matters is how well did you live how well did you love and how well did
how well did you love and how well did
how well did you love and how well did you learn to lay head go we a little
you learn to lay head go we a little
you learn to lay head go we a little faster at the end of the road all that
faster at the end of the road all that
faster at the end of the road all that matters is how well did we live come on
matters is how well did we live come on
matters is how well did we live come on how well did we love and how well did we
how well did we love and how well did we
how well did we love and how well did we learn to lay head go one more time we’ve
learn to lay head go one more time we’ve
learn to lay head go one more time we’ve at the end of the road all that matters
at the end of the road all that matters
at the end of the road all that matters is how well did we live harmonize how
is how well did we live harmonize how
is how well did we live harmonize how well did we love ya how well did we
well did we love ya how well did we
well did we love ya how well did we learn to lay head go
thank you
thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] you
[Applause] [Music]
what an astonishing day would you all
what an astonishing day would you all take a moment and please breathe with me
[Music]
[Music] someone is attempting suicide right now
someone is completing suicide someone is
someone is completing suicide someone is dying tragically someone has just found
dying tragically someone has just found
dying tragically someone has just found out they are diagnosed with the terminal
out they are diagnosed with the terminal
out they are diagnosed with the terminal illness someone is being bullied and
illness someone is being bullied and
illness someone is being bullied and someone has lost a favorite pet how many
someone has lost a favorite pet how many
someone has lost a favorite pet how many of you have lost a loved one hands how
of you have lost a loved one hands how
of you have lost a loved one hands how many of you have put a smile on your
many of you have put a smile on your
many of you have put a smile on your face when your heart was broke and you
face when your heart was broke and you
face when your heart was broke and you went about your life how many of you
went about your life how many of you
went about your life how many of you have children right now who are afraid
have children right now who are afraid
have children right now who are afraid to go to school how many of you have had
to go to school how many of you have had
to go to school how many of you have had an experience that you were too afraid
an experience that you were too afraid
an experience that you were too afraid to share because it might make you
to share because it might make you
to share because it might make you uncomfortable or you were so ashamed so
uncomfortable or you were so ashamed so
uncomfortable or you were so ashamed so the grief is stirring I dedicate this
the grief is stirring I dedicate this
the grief is stirring I dedicate this talk to my beloved Sebulba so may my
talk to my beloved Sebulba so may my
talk to my beloved Sebulba so may my African teacher mentor and friend from
African teacher mentor and friend from
African teacher mentor and friend from whom I had the opportunity to learn for
whom I had the opportunity to learn for
whom I had the opportunity to learn for many years as she offered Western
many years as she offered Western
many years as she offered Western culture wisdom from her dog at a tribe
culture wisdom from her dog at a tribe
culture wisdom from her dog at a tribe honoring grief and prosperity
honoring grief and prosperity
honoring grief and prosperity it is sabor foo who brought me to the
it is sabor foo who brought me to the
it is sabor foo who brought me to the awareness that grief is a blessing and
awareness that grief is a blessing and
awareness that grief is a blessing and it is her that I offer gratitude as her
it is her that I offer gratitude as her
it is her that I offer gratitude as her thoughts come through me to you a
thoughts come through me to you a
thoughts come through me to you a blessing in grief how does that come to
blessing in grief how does that come to
blessing in grief how does that come to be
be
be you see griefs my jam I don’t even have
you see griefs my jam I don’t even have
you see griefs my jam I don’t even have to seek it out
to seek it out
to seek it out I’m just deeply attuned with it I can
I’m just deeply attuned with it I can
I’m just deeply attuned with it I can feel it everywhere and our people our
feel it everywhere and our people our
feel it everywhere and our people our land the air the water the animals
land the air the water the animals
land the air the water the animals grief is a blessing to me because I’ve
grief is a blessing to me because I’ve
grief is a blessing to me because I’ve been transformed by it and I’ve learned
been transformed by it and I’ve learned
been transformed by it and I’ve learned about the heart and soul of us through
about the heart and soul of us through
about the heart and soul of us through it and my heart has broken wide open as
it and my heart has broken wide open as
it and my heart has broken wide open as a result of it
a result of it
a result of it my first conscious reckoning with grief
my first conscious reckoning with grief
my first conscious reckoning with grief I was four and five years old and I was
I was four and five years old and I was
I was four and five years old and I was travelling in our station wagon to the
travelling in our station wagon to the
travelling in our station wagon to the beach when a large truck with huge
beach when a large truck with huge
beach when a large truck with huge felled Douglas firs wrapped in chains
felled Douglas firs wrapped in chains
felled Douglas firs wrapped in chains came rolling by the highway I remember I
came rolling by the highway I remember I
came rolling by the highway I remember I felt terrible for those trees being cut
felt terrible for those trees being cut
felt terrible for those trees being cut down and then instantly afraid that the
down and then instantly afraid that the
down and then instantly afraid that the chains would break and come crashing
chains would break and come crashing
chains would break and come crashing down and kill me because they had been
down and kill me because they had been
down and kill me because they had been cut down I kept this earth body grief to
cut down I kept this earth body grief to
cut down I kept this earth body grief to myself
myself
myself the second grief was the death of my
the second grief was the death of my
the second grief was the death of my Swiss granny when I was six years old
Swiss granny when I was six years old
Swiss granny when I was six years old the one used to send poetry to me and
the one used to send poetry to me and
the one used to send poetry to me and press flowers the one who could make art
press flowers the one who could make art
press flowers the one who could make art out of anything around and the one I
out of anything around and the one I
out of anything around and the one I knew loved me I was told that she would
knew loved me I was told that she would
knew loved me I was told that she would not be coming to visit us anymore I was
not be coming to visit us anymore I was
not be coming to visit us anymore I was told the children are too young for
told the children are too young for
told the children are too young for funerals
funerals
funerals my father was sullen and distant for a
my father was sullen and distant for a
my father was sullen and distant for a while and granny was never discussed
while and granny was never discussed
while and granny was never discussed again such was communal grief the third
again such was communal grief the third
again such was communal grief the third grief that shaped my life journey was
grief that shaped my life journey was
grief that shaped my life journey was the time I spent with my family living
the time I spent with my family living
the time I spent with my family living in Banaras India when I was 9 and 10
in Banaras India when I was 9 and 10
in Banaras India when I was 9 and 10 years old this is the holy city where
years old this is the holy city where
years old this is the holy city where the Hindus go to die there the burning
the Hindus go to die there the burning
the Hindus go to die there the burning gods burned 24/7 and the ashes of the
gods burned 24/7 and the ashes of the
gods burned 24/7 and the ashes of the Dead flowed along the Ganges River with
Dead flowed along the Ganges River with
Dead flowed along the Ganges River with the bathers
the bathers
the bathers I remember being jolted awake with the
I remember being jolted awake with the
I remember being jolted awake with the searing questions why are there starving
searing questions why are there starving
searing questions why are there starving children and I’m not one of them what
children and I’m not one of them what
children and I’m not one of them what about this death all around me what do I
about this death all around me what do I
about this death all around me what do I do with this this horrible ancient
do with this this horrible ancient
do with this this horrible ancient ancestral primordial grief this awful
ancestral primordial grief this awful
ancestral primordial grief this awful terrible visitor that comes at our door
terrible visitor that comes at our door
terrible visitor that comes at our door and enters without a knock and without
and enters without a knock and without
and enters without a knock and without notice and impacts everything it comes
notice and impacts everything it comes
notice and impacts everything it comes in contact with what did I do with these
in contact with what did I do with these
in contact with what did I do with these experiences I did what was expected I
experiences I did what was expected I
experiences I did what was expected I swallowed them digested them turned him
swallowed them digested them turned him
swallowed them digested them turned him against myself
against myself
against myself in other words I turned them into
in other words I turned them into
in other words I turned them into unresolved grief which is the experience
unresolved grief which is the experience
unresolved grief which is the experience where the process of grief does not have
where the process of grief does not have
where the process of grief does not have a place to release and let go of itself
a place to release and let go of itself
a place to release and let go of itself my view milah mad mad with that maybe my
my view milah mad mad with that maybe my
my view milah mad mad with that maybe my read grief resulted in deep paths of
read grief resulted in deep paths of
read grief resulted in deep paths of self-loathing misuse of substances and a
self-loathing misuse of substances and a
self-loathing misuse of substances and a convincing thought that I didn’t deserve
convincing thought that I didn’t deserve
convincing thought that I didn’t deserve to get anything or to suffer because of
to get anything or to suffer because of
to get anything or to suffer because of all the suffering elsewhere this had
all the suffering elsewhere this had
all the suffering elsewhere this had adverse effects on me and I chose a
adverse effects on me and I chose a
adverse effects on me and I chose a career where for half of the 25 years
career where for half of the 25 years
career where for half of the 25 years I’ve had a front row seat a place in the
I’ve had a front row seat a place in the
I’ve had a front row seat a place in the trenches of the institution of grief
trenches of the institution of grief
trenches of the institution of grief called the psychiatric ward with people
called the psychiatric ward with people
called the psychiatric ward with people who think they are crazy
who think they are crazy
who think they are crazy who do not want to be here they’re the
who do not want to be here they’re the
who do not want to be here they’re the wounded ones who reflect who mirror what
wounded ones who reflect who mirror what
wounded ones who reflect who mirror what we don’t want to deal with they’re not
we don’t want to deal with they’re not
we don’t want to deal with they’re not the broken ones the system and the
the broken ones the system and the
the broken ones the system and the culture is broken we are a nation that
culture is broken we are a nation that
culture is broken we are a nation that does not have a language for grief and
does not have a language for grief and
does not have a language for grief and yet grief is a universal language we all
yet grief is a universal language we all
yet grief is a universal language we all encounter we cringe over it we resist it
encounter we cringe over it we resist it
encounter we cringe over it we resist it we hide and we judge it it transforms
we hide and we judge it it transforms
we hide and we judge it it transforms into fear depression defense and the
into fear depression defense and the
into fear depression defense and the many faces of grief are
many faces of grief are
many faces of grief are non-discriminatory there is simple
non-discriminatory there is simple
non-discriminatory there is simple visible invisible communal
visible invisible communal
visible invisible communal compound-complex ancestral past life
compound-complex ancestral past life
compound-complex ancestral past life primordial and earth body griefs and
primordial and earth body griefs and
primordial and earth body griefs and there’s no measurement defining the
there’s no measurement defining the
there’s no measurement defining the impact of how these griefs are imparted
impact of how these griefs are imparted
impact of how these griefs are imparted on us the grief of suicide is one of
on us the grief of suicide is one of
on us the grief of suicide is one of loneliness isolation and disconnection
loneliness isolation and disconnection
loneliness isolation and disconnection there has been a 25% increase within the
there has been a 25% increase within the
there has been a 25% increase within the last 15 years in America a 40% increase
last 15 years in America a 40% increase
last 15 years in America a 40% increase of a female a 35% increase with male
of a female a 35% increase with male
of a female a 35% increase with male teen suicide this is the cohort most
teen suicide this is the cohort most
teen suicide this is the cohort most impacted by a culture of disconnection
impacted by a culture of disconnection
impacted by a culture of disconnection we are responsible for dealing with our
we are responsible for dealing with our
we are responsible for dealing with our unresolved grief for doing our work
unresolved grief for doing our work
unresolved grief for doing our work for the sake of the children for they
for the sake of the children for they
for the sake of the children for they now are carrying the burden of our
now are carrying the burden of our
now are carrying the burden of our refusal suicide devastates family and
refusal suicide devastates family and
refusal suicide devastates family and friends and it’s also about our
friends and it’s also about our
friends and it’s also about our community a reflection in our community
community a reflection in our community
community a reflection in our community of the inability to share our grief when
of the inability to share our grief when
of the inability to share our grief when we speak of suicide acts of terror war
we speak of suicide acts of terror war
we speak of suicide acts of terror war violence school shootings environmental
violence school shootings environmental
violence school shootings environmental disasters we are speaking of complex
disasters we are speaking of complex
disasters we are speaking of complex grief complex grief is one of the griefs
grief complex grief is one of the griefs
grief complex grief is one of the griefs that is permeates everywhere our
that is permeates everywhere our
that is permeates everywhere our familial life our neighbourhood our
familial life our neighbourhood our
familial life our neighbourhood our community our country and it is one of
community our country and it is one of
community our country and it is one of the griefs that has to be processed
the griefs that has to be processed
the griefs that has to be processed through sharing it cannot be held alone
through sharing it cannot be held alone
through sharing it cannot be held alone a prominent theme in the psych ward is
a prominent theme in the psych ward is
a prominent theme in the psych ward is the experience of feeling alone and
the experience of feeling alone and
the experience of feeling alone and without support this aloneness must be
without support this aloneness must be
without support this aloneness must be seen and spoken of and must be seen and
seen and spoken of and must be seen and
seen and spoken of and must be seen and spoken of now grief cannot be digested
spoken of now grief cannot be digested
spoken of now grief cannot be digested it is toxic it has to be released if you
it is toxic it has to be released if you
it is toxic it has to be released if you swallow digest shut it shove it shelve
swallow digest shut it shove it shelve
swallow digest shut it shove it shelve it curse it take substances for it grief
it curse it take substances for it grief
it curse it take substances for it grief turns to sickness and it’s well known
turns to sickness and it’s well known
turns to sickness and it’s well known that America has major heart and
that America has major heart and
that America has major heart and digestive problems and D the spin of
digestive problems and D the spin of
digestive problems and D the spin of toxins as it arise we have a tendency to
toxins as it arise we have a tendency to
toxins as it arise we have a tendency to hurt and blame ourselves more and swath
hurt and blame ourselves more and swath
hurt and blame ourselves more and swath of grief is not slowing down and mother
of grief is not slowing down and mother
of grief is not slowing down and mother earth herself is sick now with suicidal
earth herself is sick now with suicidal
earth herself is sick now with suicidal gestures how then do we find this new
gestures how then do we find this new
gestures how then do we find this new way of addressing grief what’s this new
way of addressing grief what’s this new
way of addressing grief what’s this new articulation we need to begin to see
articulation we need to begin to see
articulation we need to begin to see grief not as a foreign entity but as a
grief not as a foreign entity but as a
grief not as a foreign entity but as a natural process
natural process
natural process and and and and a natural process in
and and and and a natural process in
and and and and a natural process in which we can heal ourselves a process in
which we can heal ourselves a process in
which we can heal ourselves a process in which we must address this process of
which we must address this process of
which we must address this process of briefly it’s so imperative in our lives
briefly it’s so imperative in our lives
briefly it’s so imperative in our lives right now that we’re sitting it with it
right now that we’re sitting it with it
right now that we’re sitting it with it and as we speak of it how I saved myself
and as we speak of it how I saved myself
and as we speak of it how I saved myself in this journey through my grief was
in this journey through my grief was
in this journey through my grief was through the experience of art and
through the experience of art and
through the experience of art and ceremony do you remember we have to
ceremony do you remember we have to
ceremony do you remember we have to remember we have to return we begin to
remember we have to return we begin to
remember we have to return we begin to recognize ceremony that ancient
recognize ceremony that ancient
recognize ceremony that ancient framework of community that space for
framework of community that space for
framework of community that space for joining we come together we share our
joining we come together we share our
joining we come together we share our story we cry our tears and we do it in
story we cry our tears and we do it in
story we cry our tears and we do it in ceremony we come together in circle we
ceremony we come together in circle we
ceremony we come together in circle we connect with source we make an intention
connect with source we make an intention
connect with source we make an intention we grieve our griefs that need to be
we grieve our griefs that need to be
we grieve our griefs that need to be released and we let go of them we are
released and we let go of them we are
released and we let go of them we are witnessed we release and we renew
witnessed we release and we renew
witnessed we release and we renew together now in order to do this there’s
together now in order to do this there’s
together now in order to do this there’s an invitation in the air what if you
an invitation in the air what if you
an invitation in the air what if you could give your grief away
could give your grief away
could give your grief away what if grief were not personal but part
what if grief were not personal but part
what if grief were not personal but part of this profound experience that we all
of this profound experience that we all
of this profound experience that we all have as humans
have as humans
have as humans what if loss could be held within
what if loss could be held within
what if loss could be held within ceremony and given back to source my
ceremony and given back to source my
ceremony and given back to source my source I mean the oneness the
source I mean the oneness the
source I mean the oneness the interconnectivity of all through
interconnectivity of all through
interconnectivity of all through participating in the collective
participating in the collective
participating in the collective experience of ceremony grief art or
experience of ceremony grief art or
experience of ceremony grief art or whatever feelings are that need to be
whatever feelings are that need to be
whatever feelings are that need to be expressed can be held witnessed
expressed can be held witnessed
expressed can be held witnessed supported and ultimately given back so
supported and ultimately given back so
supported and ultimately given back so ceremony is about connecting and
ceremony is about connecting and
ceremony is about connecting and connecting to everything as a resource
connecting to everything as a resource
connecting to everything as a resource for healing we’ve strayed far from our
for healing we’ve strayed far from our
for healing we’ve strayed far from our innate need in us to connect
innate need in us to connect
innate need in us to connect every ceremony involves the humans as
every ceremony involves the humans as
every ceremony involves the humans as they’re the anointment of connection
they’re the anointment of connection
they’re the anointment of connection these SAVs are singing dancing
these SAVs are singing dancing
these SAVs are singing dancing storytelling and silence when we sing
storytelling and silence when we sing
storytelling and silence when we sing together we’re celebrating our
together we’re celebrating our
together we’re celebrating our individual and collective voice when we
individual and collective voice when we
individual and collective voice when we dance we’re moving the rhythms of life
dance we’re moving the rhythms of life
dance we’re moving the rhythms of life when we share our story we’re accessing
when we share our story we’re accessing
when we share our story we’re accessing our humaneness and when we sit in
our humaneness and when we sit in
our humaneness and when we sit in silence we connect with the source and
silence we connect with the source and
silence we connect with the source and all and we are not alone we are
all and we are not alone we are
all and we are not alone we are practicing community we are shouldering
practicing community we are shouldering
practicing community we are shouldering our experiences together and we’re
our experiences together and we’re
our experiences together and we’re healed
healed
healed how and where to begin
how and where to begin
how and where to begin I invite you to begin with your
I invite you to begin with your
I invite you to begin with your innermost circle of family and friends
innermost circle of family and friends
innermost circle of family and friends and invite grief in yes you invite grief
and invite grief in yes you invite grief
and invite grief in yes you invite grief to sit at the table to share in the meal
to sit at the table to share in the meal
to sit at the table to share in the meal and you allow your tears to flow so you
and you allow your tears to flow so you
and you allow your tears to flow so you can refresh your soul you invite grief
can refresh your soul you invite grief
can refresh your soul you invite grief in and you share your story and you sing
in and you share your story and you sing
in and you share your story and you sing and you dance when you can and you share
and you dance when you can and you share
and you dance when you can and you share something of yourself you invite grief
something of yourself you invite grief
something of yourself you invite grief in you invite a sharing what is the
in you invite a sharing what is the
in you invite a sharing what is the deepest loss you have suffered we invite
deepest loss you have suffered we invite
deepest loss you have suffered we invite grief in require our tears we do it
grief in require our tears we do it
grief in require our tears we do it together and now now for some fun
we get to practice one of the human SAVs
we get to practice one of the human SAVs which is singing if you will so if you
which is singing if you will so if you
which is singing if you will so if you please lift your left left palm up and
please lift your left left palm up and
please lift your left left palm up and your right palm down please hold the
your right palm down please hold the
your right palm down please hold the hands at the person next to you and the
hands at the person next to you and the
hands at the person next to you and the people on the end of the aisle please
people on the end of the aisle please
people on the end of the aisle please take your palm and put it on your heart
take your palm and put it on your heart
take your palm and put it on your heart left palm up right palm down hand at the
left palm up right palm down hand at the
left palm up right palm down hand at the audience aisle to the heart the Buddha
audience aisle to the heart the Buddha
audience aisle to the heart the Buddha words at the end of the road all that
words at the end of the road all that
words at the end of the road all that matters is how well did I live how well
matters is how well did I live how well
matters is how well did I live how well did I love how well did I learn to let
did I love how well did I learn to let
did I love how well did I learn to let go for those of you who know it you’ll
go for those of you who know it you’ll
go for those of you who know it you’ll sing the first verse with me please and
sing the first verse with me please and
sing the first verse with me please and those of you who don’t you’ll come in on
those of you who don’t you’ll come in on
those of you who don’t you’ll come in on the second and the third verse which is
the second and the third verse which is
the second and the third verse which is how well did you love and you live and
how well did you love and you live and
how well did you love and you live and the third verse how well did we love and
the third verse how well did we love and
the third verse how well did we love and we live afterwards if you will please
we live afterwards if you will please
we live afterwards if you will please hold a moment of silence for those
hold a moment of silence for those
hold a moment of silence for those people who grieved for those who are
people who grieved for those who are
people who grieved for those who are grieving and for those who will grieve
grieving and for those who will grieve
grieving and for those who will grieve may they we put deep abandon and be held
may they we put deep abandon and be held
may they we put deep abandon and be held in the graces of love care and community
[Music]
[Music] at the end of the road all that matters
at the end of the road all that matters
at the end of the road all that matters is how well did I live how well did I
is how well did I live how well did I
is how well did I live how well did I love oh that’s so high for me how well
love oh that’s so high for me how well
love oh that’s so high for me how well did I learn to let go you come on
did I learn to let go you come on
did I learn to let go you come on everybody at the end of the road all
everybody at the end of the road all
everybody at the end of the road all that matters is how well did you live
that matters is how well did you live
that matters is how well did you live how well did you love and how well did
how well did you love and how well did
how well did you love and how well did you learn to lay head go we a little
you learn to lay head go we a little
you learn to lay head go we a little faster at the end of the road all that
faster at the end of the road all that
faster at the end of the road all that matters is how well did we live come on
matters is how well did we live come on
matters is how well did we live come on how well did we love and how well did we
how well did we love and how well did we
how well did we love and how well did we learn to lay head go one more time we’ve
learn to lay head go one more time we’ve
learn to lay head go one more time we’ve at the end of the road all that matters
at the end of the road all that matters
at the end of the road all that matters is how well did we live harmonize how
is how well did we live harmonize how
is how well did we live harmonize how well did we love ya how well did we
well did we love ya how well did we
well did we love ya how well did we learn to lay head go
thank you
thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] you
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