[Music]
[Applause]
dear stranger I don’t know what to write
so I just pull on the bevels of my
laptop keys with my fingernails hypo and
Po and pull until it starts to hurt and
I stare blankly at nothing until tears
well up again and I sob so hard I wonder
if my heart is ringing itself dry I
don’t know what to say except that
sometimes everything hurts so bad I
don’t know what to do my arms quake and
my legs shake and I am a puddle I am a
string I am Freya wavering young
existence but never quite making it
there hot code burns up my arms and
elephant wakes up in my head I can’t
think around it I wonder I wonder what
would happen if I poured this elephant
out dumped it onto a stretcher and
shipped it out of my brain how would
that weightlessness feel like how do
people live without that anvil seed
inside their mouth I wonder what it’s
like to laugh without having to claw
your throat open first I should stop
this here I can feel myself slipping I
don’t know I guess I’ll talk soon I have
nothing else to say even though I feel
like I should end this on a positive
note I don’t know I don’t know I don’t
know what are you gonna do about it what
am I gonna do about it
I wrote this letter for myself at 14 I
still dabble in bedazzled hair bands and
wear shirts with neon slogans like
you’re looking at awesome
so when paying pokes me over like a
scientific specimen it was like
depression and bipolar disorder had
stitched a stranger in my place
you see I wrote this letter to remind
myself that despite where everyone else
was saying I was tell me that this was
real legitimate
I’m still me and this is just me in the
midst of trying I wrote this letter as a
secret but Here I am reading it aloud
for the public you see sound travels at
the speed of 343 m/s through air so it’s
a little too late for me to take all
that back but if I took a step back I
guess it’s better to not backtrack
because you see this summer I interview
people about mental health from the
wealthiest districts of San Francisco
where a single bedroom apartment can
cost more than an entire rural mansion
two neighborhoods where concoctions of
drugs would punch through air to assault
far more than nostrils urine staining
the streets like murals no matter where
I went people would always blurt the
same question hold on you’re doing this
because you have a personal connection
how do you feel so sad at such a young
age their faces were folding with shock
as if I blamed anxiety on the rising
costs of avocado toast or god forbid a
bee on a math test I wonder if they
think the chickenpox vaccine makes
children immune to trauma and exhaustion
too apparently
human emotions are too complex of
sensations to be felt by youth but 20%
of youth aged 13 to 18 live with a
mental health condition 50% of all
lifetime cases of mental illness begin
by age 14 and 75% by age 24 37 percent
of students aged 14 and up with a mental
illness drop out of school
that’s the highest dropout rate of any
disability group suicide it’s the second
leading cause of death in the u.s. from
the age of 15 all the way up to 34
that’s crazy
right I mean get this more than twice
the number of Americans die by suicide a
year then
homicide can you imagine if anything
else Hattie statistics I mean here’s an
example there are only 11 cases of Ebola
reported in the entire US but if you
went online in 2014 it was like the
goddamn apocalypse had arrived if
somebody coughed on the bus I don’t care
if it was the Pope we were all gonna die
so why doesn’t mental health get the
same attention 800,000 people die by
suicide every year worldwide that’s
twice the number of American soldiers
who died in World War two yet even with
severe depression eighty percent of
American youth received no or
insufficient treatment and get this we
lose 1.6 million years of life every
year due to suicide so if we just
stacked 40 years of suicides we’ve got
enough years to go back and see the
Tyrannosaurus Rex serious mental illness
cost the United States 193 point two
billion dollars in lost earnings every
year that’s more money than Jeff Bezos
and Bill Gates combined so why is it
that mental illness claims more money
than the two richest people in the world
why is it that when I talk about suicide
people told me – the shadows whisper as
if you were criminals mental health is
not a joke mental health goes wherever
we go mental health conditions can
affect anyone anywhere at any time and
any age this is not a moral dilemma no
one chooses mental illness like they
choose outfits a textile merchant from
Somalia once told me that mental health
should be as normal as the rising and
Setting Sun we can’t afford to wait
until it’s our sons holding to their
head that gun why people don’t seek help
for mental illness is often because of
stigma
at 14 I was diagnosed with anterior
uveitis this really fancy term which
basically meant that my eyes were
inflamed and sometimes it would pop my
eyes pined for weeks or at least days at
a time
and when I would reach out for help the
response was and still is always yes of
course you are so strong but even now I
am terrified of talking about mental
health afraid that if I said the wrong
word someone will tell me I’m crazy
dismiss all that I’m saying like
admitting mental illness is giving them
ammunition and my voice it’s a tart
afraid that if I spoke my truth my story
someone somewhere will still tell me I’m
romanticizing without bothering to let
me finish tell me that I’m just making
it worse say that you don’t know what
you’re talking about please just shut up
because what do I know about mental
illness what do I know about mental
illness except that sometimes I see long
short robes I see flashbacks Frost by
crawling up my thighs my eyes placed
over my head berating XL sweaters making
a god I didn’t believing to not let me
pass him to not let him see me am i
alive in my life am i alive
still hurt slipped into my ears and my
blood the way Thunder slips into ears by
which I mean less of a slip and more of
a tearing or a prayer loneliness can
creep on you like old age and sometimes
I wonder even how in hindsight I still
find pieces of my past tossing between
the lines so what do I know about mental
illness except that I am a human being
and and if I were to bring mental health
to the conversation some people take
that declaration as confirmation that I
don’t belong in the station like they’re
waiting for me to stream do something
real normal humans wouldn’t but I am
here and I started letters to strangers
in my sophomore year of high school
because I was exhausted of proving my
humaneness why can’t people just treat
people as people the answer I knew
spelled empathy but how could anyone
understand me if no one would listen to
my story well so that’s why letters
matter you see writing matters writing
matters because when we erase the burden
of judgment when you know not my name my
background or my diagnosis my story
becomes the only thing that matters a
human connection becomes the only viable
solution and for once I have total
agency I will choose to write with a
purple colored pencil I will choose to
write on stationary paper for the fight
with Chewbacca’s and stripes I will
choose to write in cursive adding an
origami crane I will choose to be the
protagonist but maybe next time I would
just listening I all right dear stranger
exhale the rust from my heart a few
months ago I met Michael now
Michael had been homeless on the streets
of downtown Berkeley for 17 years
bipolar disorder had dulled his career
but not his spirit after our talk
Michael looked at me with tears in his
eyes gray as the sea right before his
sunrise and he said I just want to be
well enough to help somebody else that’s
exactly what letters The Strangers wants
to do you see we write letters to
strangers as strangers exchanging
between countries and schools and
organizations dedicated to youth whose
lives tour with a scar of war and abuse
we do this because the human connection
matters empathy matters creative
dialogue matters someone somewhere may
be wondering the same questions as you
they may feel alone but with your letter
that someone somewhere knows that
someone somewhere thinks of them too you
see writing is humanity distilled into
ink one letter one human connection can
and has saved a life over the past four
years
letters of strangers has impacted over
27,000 people on four continents and now
we’ve expanded to beyond just letters
now we fight for mental health by
advocating for political reform
education peer support networks and you
too can join the fights you know many
public schools lack the legal and
financial ability to properly
accommodate students with mental
disabilities why not call your
legislators of all that or about how we
can’t just shove anyone with any science
into a psych ward because our current
system medicates
and in prisons while neglecting to
educate with peer discussions talking
about mental health matters not because
of everyone who cares but because of
everyone who doesn’t if we’re going to
distinct I smell illness we’re going to
have to start by embodying the power of
writing in our daily lives so listen ask
questions think before we speak
understand before we interject trust
that these conversations need to be had
don’t you dare talk yourself down write
a letter to a stranger don’t be afraid
learn and fight don’t joke about suicide
and and don’t equate someone else’s
difference to a guarantee of a mental
health condition don’t insist on yoga as
the one-stop solution
and don’t buy into the lazy toxic
weakness of stereotypes and the existing
of people that you are weak because of a
mental health condition mental illness
can mean battling dragons only to find
their nests in our chests and we learned
to live with fire so where is the
weakness in that how can there be
weakness in that someone somewhere
August 2017 dear stranger almost one
year on antidepressants there’s a lot to
think about
I came out I joined my Catholic schools
LGBT group started volunteering at an
LGBT Center got my driving permit
started my first job applied to
scholarships graduated from high school
summa laude was accepted to my dream
school celebrated my anniversary with my
girlfriend in all honesty I am proud of
what I’ve accomplished but I still have
depression and anxiety
sure I’ve learned to manage it better
and out of a long lasting and deep ruts
and my worst days are less frequent but
I still have days weeks when I see no
point of getting out of bed or talking
to anybody my brain tells me I have no
friends
I hear echoes sometimes on my head seems
empty what if I get worse again what if
the Mets are the only thing keeping me
somewhat saying
so what ups and downs are natural in
life and there’s nothing wrong with
needing a little help so what I’m
managing each day and that’s what
matters what matters is that I’m alive
I’ve made strides and I’m learning more
about Who I am every day I’m still
teaching myself that I am enough
I can see a light at the end of the
tunnel and I know each day is another
chance for happiness I will be damned if
I don’t give each chance my best shot
yours truly a stranger
[Applause]
[Applause]
dear stranger I don’t know what to write
so I just pull on the bevels of my
laptop keys with my fingernails hypo and
Po and pull until it starts to hurt and
I stare blankly at nothing until tears
well up again and I sob so hard I wonder
if my heart is ringing itself dry I
don’t know what to say except that
sometimes everything hurts so bad I
don’t know what to do my arms quake and
my legs shake and I am a puddle I am a
string I am Freya wavering young
existence but never quite making it
there hot code burns up my arms and
elephant wakes up in my head I can’t
think around it I wonder I wonder what
would happen if I poured this elephant
out dumped it onto a stretcher and
shipped it out of my brain how would
that weightlessness feel like how do
people live without that anvil seed
inside their mouth I wonder what it’s
like to laugh without having to claw
your throat open first I should stop
this here I can feel myself slipping I
don’t know I guess I’ll talk soon I have
nothing else to say even though I feel
like I should end this on a positive
note I don’t know I don’t know I don’t
know what are you gonna do about it what
am I gonna do about it
I wrote this letter for myself at 14 I
still dabble in bedazzled hair bands and
wear shirts with neon slogans like
you’re looking at awesome
so when paying pokes me over like a
scientific specimen it was like
depression and bipolar disorder had
stitched a stranger in my place
you see I wrote this letter to remind
myself that despite where everyone else
was saying I was tell me that this was
real legitimate
I’m still me and this is just me in the
midst of trying I wrote this letter as a
secret but Here I am reading it aloud
for the public you see sound travels at
the speed of 343 m/s through air so it’s
a little too late for me to take all
that back but if I took a step back I
guess it’s better to not backtrack
because you see this summer I interview
people about mental health from the
wealthiest districts of San Francisco
where a single bedroom apartment can
cost more than an entire rural mansion
two neighborhoods where concoctions of
drugs would punch through air to assault
far more than nostrils urine staining
the streets like murals no matter where
I went people would always blurt the
same question hold on you’re doing this
because you have a personal connection
how do you feel so sad at such a young
age their faces were folding with shock
as if I blamed anxiety on the rising
costs of avocado toast or god forbid a
bee on a math test I wonder if they
think the chickenpox vaccine makes
children immune to trauma and exhaustion
too apparently
human emotions are too complex of
sensations to be felt by youth but 20%
of youth aged 13 to 18 live with a
mental health condition 50% of all
lifetime cases of mental illness begin
by age 14 and 75% by age 24 37 percent
of students aged 14 and up with a mental
illness drop out of school
that’s the highest dropout rate of any
disability group suicide it’s the second
leading cause of death in the u.s. from
the age of 15 all the way up to 34
that’s crazy
right I mean get this more than twice
the number of Americans die by suicide a
year then
homicide can you imagine if anything
else Hattie statistics I mean here’s an
example there are only 11 cases of Ebola
reported in the entire US but if you
went online in 2014 it was like the
goddamn apocalypse had arrived if
somebody coughed on the bus I don’t care
if it was the Pope we were all gonna die
so why doesn’t mental health get the
same attention 800,000 people die by
suicide every year worldwide that’s
twice the number of American soldiers
who died in World War two yet even with
severe depression eighty percent of
American youth received no or
insufficient treatment and get this we
lose 1.6 million years of life every
year due to suicide so if we just
stacked 40 years of suicides we’ve got
enough years to go back and see the
Tyrannosaurus Rex serious mental illness
cost the United States 193 point two
billion dollars in lost earnings every
year that’s more money than Jeff Bezos
and Bill Gates combined so why is it
that mental illness claims more money
than the two richest people in the world
why is it that when I talk about suicide
people told me – the shadows whisper as
if you were criminals mental health is
not a joke mental health goes wherever
we go mental health conditions can
affect anyone anywhere at any time and
any age this is not a moral dilemma no
one chooses mental illness like they
choose outfits a textile merchant from
Somalia once told me that mental health
should be as normal as the rising and
Setting Sun we can’t afford to wait
until it’s our sons holding to their
head that gun why people don’t seek help
for mental illness is often because of
stigma
at 14 I was diagnosed with anterior
uveitis this really fancy term which
basically meant that my eyes were
inflamed and sometimes it would pop my
eyes pined for weeks or at least days at
a time
and when I would reach out for help the
response was and still is always yes of
course you are so strong but even now I
am terrified of talking about mental
health afraid that if I said the wrong
word someone will tell me I’m crazy
dismiss all that I’m saying like
admitting mental illness is giving them
ammunition and my voice it’s a tart
afraid that if I spoke my truth my story
someone somewhere will still tell me I’m
romanticizing without bothering to let
me finish tell me that I’m just making
it worse say that you don’t know what
you’re talking about please just shut up
because what do I know about mental
illness what do I know about mental
illness except that sometimes I see long
short robes I see flashbacks Frost by
crawling up my thighs my eyes placed
over my head berating XL sweaters making
a god I didn’t believing to not let me
pass him to not let him see me am i
alive in my life am i alive
still hurt slipped into my ears and my
blood the way Thunder slips into ears by
which I mean less of a slip and more of
a tearing or a prayer loneliness can
creep on you like old age and sometimes
I wonder even how in hindsight I still
find pieces of my past tossing between
the lines so what do I know about mental
illness except that I am a human being
and and if I were to bring mental health
to the conversation some people take
that declaration as confirmation that I
don’t belong in the station like they’re
waiting for me to stream do something
real normal humans wouldn’t but I am
here and I started letters to strangers
in my sophomore year of high school
because I was exhausted of proving my
humaneness why can’t people just treat
people as people the answer I knew
spelled empathy but how could anyone
understand me if no one would listen to
my story well so that’s why letters
matter you see writing matters writing
matters because when we erase the burden
of judgment when you know not my name my
background or my diagnosis my story
becomes the only thing that matters a
human connection becomes the only viable
solution and for once I have total
agency I will choose to write with a
purple colored pencil I will choose to
write on stationary paper for the fight
with Chewbacca’s and stripes I will
choose to write in cursive adding an
origami crane I will choose to be the
protagonist but maybe next time I would
just listening I all right dear stranger
exhale the rust from my heart a few
months ago I met Michael now
Michael had been homeless on the streets
of downtown Berkeley for 17 years
bipolar disorder had dulled his career
but not his spirit after our talk
Michael looked at me with tears in his
eyes gray as the sea right before his
sunrise and he said I just want to be
well enough to help somebody else that’s
exactly what letters The Strangers wants
to do you see we write letters to
strangers as strangers exchanging
between countries and schools and
organizations dedicated to youth whose
lives tour with a scar of war and abuse
we do this because the human connection
matters empathy matters creative
dialogue matters someone somewhere may
be wondering the same questions as you
they may feel alone but with your letter
that someone somewhere knows that
someone somewhere thinks of them too you
see writing is humanity distilled into
ink one letter one human connection can
and has saved a life over the past four
years
letters of strangers has impacted over
27,000 people on four continents and now
we’ve expanded to beyond just letters
now we fight for mental health by
advocating for political reform
education peer support networks and you
too can join the fights you know many
public schools lack the legal and
financial ability to properly
accommodate students with mental
disabilities why not call your
legislators of all that or about how we
can’t just shove anyone with any science
into a psych ward because our current
system medicates
and in prisons while neglecting to
educate with peer discussions talking
about mental health matters not because
of everyone who cares but because of
everyone who doesn’t if we’re going to
distinct I smell illness we’re going to
have to start by embodying the power of
writing in our daily lives so listen ask
questions think before we speak
understand before we interject trust
that these conversations need to be had
don’t you dare talk yourself down write
a letter to a stranger don’t be afraid
learn and fight don’t joke about suicide
and and don’t equate someone else’s
difference to a guarantee of a mental
health condition don’t insist on yoga as
the one-stop solution
and don’t buy into the lazy toxic
weakness of stereotypes and the existing
of people that you are weak because of a
mental health condition mental illness
can mean battling dragons only to find
their nests in our chests and we learned
to live with fire so where is the
weakness in that how can there be
weakness in that someone somewhere
August 2017 dear stranger almost one
year on antidepressants there’s a lot to
think about
I came out I joined my Catholic schools
LGBT group started volunteering at an
LGBT Center got my driving permit
started my first job applied to
scholarships graduated from high school
summa laude was accepted to my dream
school celebrated my anniversary with my
girlfriend in all honesty I am proud of
what I’ve accomplished but I still have
depression and anxiety
sure I’ve learned to manage it better
and out of a long lasting and deep ruts
and my worst days are less frequent but
I still have days weeks when I see no
point of getting out of bed or talking
to anybody my brain tells me I have no
friends
I hear echoes sometimes on my head seems
empty what if I get worse again what if
the Mets are the only thing keeping me
somewhat saying
so what ups and downs are natural in
life and there’s nothing wrong with
needing a little help so what I’m
managing each day and that’s what
matters what matters is that I’m alive
I’ve made strides and I’m learning more
about Who I am every day I’m still
teaching myself that I am enough
I can see a light at the end of the
tunnel and I know each day is another
chance for happiness I will be damned if
I don’t give each chance my best shot
yours truly a stranger
[Applause]
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