hey before we get started I just want to
make sure everybody’s feeling okay would
you would you check out your neighbor
and just make sure they’re feeling all
right because there’s just a terrible
disease going around would you check
each other out is that that okay no no
it’s not the flu don’t worry
we’re okay everybody good good good good
I just need to tell you about this and I
want to find out if you happen to be
infected with this disease so let me
just ask you I’m gonna take an
assessment a couple of questions okay
so by raise of hands here’s question
number one who in here feels like you
are the best looking person in the room
would you raise your hand please oh
there’s always one right okay well
here’s the second question how many of
you feel like you might be the least
good looking person in the room okay so
what wait a minute you’re probably
conflicted right now right you’re
thinking well if I tell her I think I’m
the best looking then she’s gonna think
I’m conceited or if I tell her I don’t
think I’m good-looking then she might
think I have a self-esteem problem well
it was kind of a trick question you can
imagine because either way you would
have answered that or even if you cared
what I thought about it you might be
suffering from this disease it’s
something that I call comparison itis
and it really is that feeling of not
being good enough I believe that it’s
difficult in this day and age to not
suffer from this and it comes in a few
different strains three to be exact so
strain a is if you look at other people
and you see them as stronger faster
smarter than you are then that leaves
you feeling inferior the second strain
is strain B that’s if you look at other
people that you may perceive to be less
good-looking successful or smart than
you are and then you feel superior
and the third strain is strain a B that
is a toxic combination of both of these
that leaves you vacillating back and
with how you feel about yourself based
on how other people are doing in life
well I want to illustrate this with an
example in real life well we’ll call
this example patient a so patient a grew
up in an average household family love
term actually her sister was about four
years older so she wasn’t in her shadow
but the issue came when she felt like
she had this unquenchable desire and
drive to prove herself now it often
showed up in a competitive kind of way
you know what I mean in the classroom or
and on the softball field or out on the
marching band field
it didn’t matter there was a supposed a
hidden hierarchy that she found herself
putting she and others on often falling
short of it now she was a high achiever
and what she would do was actually look
at other people who were achieving what
she perceived as more and then she would
use that their example as a way to
propel her forward the problem was she
often played a really high price both
emotionally and relationally because of
that and making sure that she was always
looking for others to find her
motivation now you may be thinking but
wait wait isn’t that what motivation is
all about I mean shouldn’t we look at
other or for other people to emulate
well the answer is yes and no kind of
depends on the reason we’re doing it if
we look at other people and what they’re
achieving and we aspire or admire them
and we use that maybe it’s a role model
but that motivation is based in
confidence or self esteem then that can
be very healthy it can help you to stand
in your confidence
it keeps comparison itís at bay however
if the reason you’re following it’s
someone else’s footsteps is because you
really desire to be just like them or if
that’s rooted in a lack of self esteem
or self confidence it can cause lasting
issues
and comparison itis can really rear its
ugly head in fact it can even show up
physically where there’s a restless
feeling and anxiety even a pit in the
stomach it can actually flat rob us of
the joy I believe we were put on this
earth to have well I guess you probably
already figured out I’m patient a I’m
here because I am a comparison IDUs
survivor and you can be too and so I
want to share with you a few ways to do
that I want to share with you some of
the symptoms and I want to share with
you some of the ways to cure this thing
once and for all so let’s start out with
the symptoms one of the first things
that happens when people are suffering
from comparison itis is they begin to
search for faults in others you know I’m
talking about nitpicky hypercritical but
it really gets bad when they point that
judgment at themselves you know what I
mean we say things to ourselves we would
never say that anybody else but when we
let that sort of negative self-talk go
on too long it sinks in it can cause
real problems with who we think we are
depression anxiety can all be started
because comparison itis is left to
fester too long there’s an author that I
loved her name is Tara Moore and she
wrote a great book called playing big
and she talks about the fact that you
and I have two voices in her head some
of you have more than just two but just
just two voices and and this one voice
is called the inner critic that’s that
voice I was just talking about you know
the one the one that’s telling you all
the reasons why it’s not a good idea to
try or you’re not good enough you know
that voice but the best part is she said
there’s a second voice and that voice is
our inner mentor that voice is you and I
20 years from now and that voice is
filled with wisdom and perspective
that voice is looking at us going you’ve
got this you’re gonna be fine
but can I ask you as pleasant as this
voice is to listen to which one do we
listen to more we listen to that inner
critic it causes that inward feeling of
fault that’s one of the big symptoms
another one is is that people with
comparison dynasts tend to seek
attention for themselves often in really
unhealthy ways you know what I’m talking
about where people feel maybe they’ve
bought into the notion that there’s only
two ways to elevate you have to brag
about yourself or you have to cut other
people down that I really believe is
part of the motivation behind bullies
today where somehow they bought into the
fact that maybe at least bad attention
is better than no attention at all the
third symptom is that it can damage
relationships so let me tell you how it
works okay I want everybody to picture
their best friend
matching that best friend you know the
one the one that you’ve known for years
you love them you trust them you’ve got
a great relationship if everybody got
that person in mind okay so imagine here
they are now one day out of the blue
fortune smiles on your friend they get a
scholarship they they get engaged they
win the lottery and yeah but you don’t
and so then what happens to the
relationship between you oftentimes at
best it’s awkward you know a little
weird stiff you know what I’m talking
about and even worse sometimes it can
cause a real rift in that relationship I
have to tell you I saw this actually
happen in the workplace I was on a sales
team and we used to have monthly sales
meetings where we get together and we
share all that you know the good stuff
that’s happened during the month so
there were these veterans that have done
well but in right now they were kind of
in a slump and then we had some new
so what happened at this particular
meeting was all of the accolades and the
milestones were being reached so we were
celebrating with these new folks and I
literally heard kind of overheard off to
the side here like a snicker you know I
mean like a like a scoff when we were
celebrating with these other two and
truly I was embarrassed I I was
mortified really and afterwards I went
up to one of the veterans and I said
come on what was that all about and she
literally said to me you know I don’t
think I’m gonna keep coming to these
meetings she said it was okay when I was
getting some recognition but I don’t
like hearing about all that stuff Mike
that’s comparison itis at its worst it
can damage those kinds of relationships
now you may be wondering at this point
don’t people grow out of this I mean it
what about maturity right well I wish
that was always the case actually John
Maxwell he shares this great quote I
love he says you know age and maturity
and wisdom are supposed to come together
but sometimes age just you know comes
alone I know plenty of people who should
know better who still struggle with this
disease
they were folks who lost their over
priced homes in over mortgaged homes and
overpriced neighborhoods years ago
because they were so desperate to keep
up with the Joneses now here’s the best
news there is a cure for this and I want
to share with you three cures that if we
do these maybe we can keep this at bay
at all especially to keep it from
becoming an epidemic so let me share
these three protocols that you can put
in action right away
number one focus on what you have not
what you don’t have I know that sounds
really easy right I do believe in the
premise that whatever you focus on
expands so if I want more good stuff I’m
gonna focus on what I have so I get more
of that
but that’s easier said than done right
so it’s sort of like a muscle you have
to exercise in order to cultivate an
attitude of gratitude you’ve got to
practice so let me give you one quick
tip you might have heard this before
take a little notepad and put it by your
bedside then every night before you go
to sleep
write down everything that you’re
grateful for from that day now and I get
it sometimes it’s like I got up this
morning okay that’s all right write it
down it’s okay
whatever it is that you’re happy and
grateful for because just imagine how
well you’re going to sleep when you
download all those wonderful things you
have to be grateful for right before you
go to bed it’s a beautiful thing for you
to focus on and truly remember that
somebody else’s success is not your
failure there is plenty of awesome to go
around
it’s truly in abundance now that’s
easier said than done – when we see all
the stuff on Facebook or social media
and we see all the different postings of
oh I’m in a new relationship or I’ve got
a great puppy or all those pictures from
spring break right then it’s real easy
but we need to cut it out for us looking
at ourselves and trying to compare what
we think is our ordinary lives to
somebody else’s highlight reel all of
these are things that we can do to focus
on what we have let me give you the next
cure this may take you on a trip to the
ICU what I mean is the intensive care of
uplifting people folks I want you to
fiercely protect your inner circle that
group of people that you let in hey
listen
our moms were right we are who we hang
around with I want you to make sure
anybody you let in influence you is
uplifting encouraging motivating to you
you know some of us might have a little
spring cleaning to do with this inner
circle the third one is so
important each of us needs to stand on
our own story own that know what it is
we are put on this earth to do and own
it now some of you may be thinking a lot
I don’t know what that is yet I’m still
trying to figure it out so let me give
you a little guideline a road map that
the Japanese use it’s actually called a
key guy and so what it is is it’s the
convergence of four important components
things each of us have to discover about
ourselves that we want to figure out so
let me tell you what those are the first
thing is what do you have loved I mean
what makes your heart sing
what do you add salutely love then the
next component is what are you good at
what are your talents natural or skills
that are built what are you good at the
third component is what’s the world need
out there and then what would the world
value so much they would pay for it so
all four of those components converging
together should be your sweet spot it’s
you’re a key guy and you know what that
stands for it stands for a reason to get
out of bed in the morning it’s it’s that
wonderful place that purpose that each
of us need to find in ourselves finding
that purpose can fuel you to completely
cure yourself of comparison itis well I
I think it’s time to shake off the
shackles of comparison itis don’t you
are you are you with me on that to be
able to be free of it after a lifetime
of suffering from it I I really do feel
free I think it’s time to stop caring
what other people are doing and stand on
our own know that we have what we it
takes to be able to achieve what we want
and to and to recognize that the way to
make sure this stays in a lasting
remission is to love ourselves and to
love what we do so I’m a mission on a
mission right now truly both personally
and professionally to help people love
what they do and who
they are it makes all the difference in
the world the goal is to really find
that sweet spot that a key guy that that
purpose that lane and drive the heck out
of it
that way you absolutely can stand in the
beautiful light and the joy of just being you thanks
make sure everybody’s feeling okay would
you would you check out your neighbor
and just make sure they’re feeling all
right because there’s just a terrible
disease going around would you check
each other out is that that okay no no
it’s not the flu don’t worry
we’re okay everybody good good good good
I just need to tell you about this and I
want to find out if you happen to be
infected with this disease so let me
just ask you I’m gonna take an
assessment a couple of questions okay
so by raise of hands here’s question
number one who in here feels like you
are the best looking person in the room
would you raise your hand please oh
there’s always one right okay well
here’s the second question how many of
you feel like you might be the least
good looking person in the room okay so
what wait a minute you’re probably
conflicted right now right you’re
thinking well if I tell her I think I’m
the best looking then she’s gonna think
I’m conceited or if I tell her I don’t
think I’m good-looking then she might
think I have a self-esteem problem well
it was kind of a trick question you can
imagine because either way you would
have answered that or even if you cared
what I thought about it you might be
suffering from this disease it’s
something that I call comparison itis
and it really is that feeling of not
being good enough I believe that it’s
difficult in this day and age to not
suffer from this and it comes in a few
different strains three to be exact so
strain a is if you look at other people
and you see them as stronger faster
smarter than you are then that leaves
you feeling inferior the second strain
is strain B that’s if you look at other
people that you may perceive to be less
good-looking successful or smart than
you are and then you feel superior
and the third strain is strain a B that
is a toxic combination of both of these
that leaves you vacillating back and
with how you feel about yourself based
on how other people are doing in life
well I want to illustrate this with an
example in real life well we’ll call
this example patient a so patient a grew
up in an average household family love
term actually her sister was about four
years older so she wasn’t in her shadow
but the issue came when she felt like
she had this unquenchable desire and
drive to prove herself now it often
showed up in a competitive kind of way
you know what I mean in the classroom or
and on the softball field or out on the
marching band field
it didn’t matter there was a supposed a
hidden hierarchy that she found herself
putting she and others on often falling
short of it now she was a high achiever
and what she would do was actually look
at other people who were achieving what
she perceived as more and then she would
use that their example as a way to
propel her forward the problem was she
often played a really high price both
emotionally and relationally because of
that and making sure that she was always
looking for others to find her
motivation now you may be thinking but
wait wait isn’t that what motivation is
all about I mean shouldn’t we look at
other or for other people to emulate
well the answer is yes and no kind of
depends on the reason we’re doing it if
we look at other people and what they’re
achieving and we aspire or admire them
and we use that maybe it’s a role model
but that motivation is based in
confidence or self esteem then that can
be very healthy it can help you to stand
in your confidence
it keeps comparison itís at bay however
if the reason you’re following it’s
someone else’s footsteps is because you
really desire to be just like them or if
that’s rooted in a lack of self esteem
or self confidence it can cause lasting
issues
and comparison itis can really rear its
ugly head in fact it can even show up
physically where there’s a restless
feeling and anxiety even a pit in the
stomach it can actually flat rob us of
the joy I believe we were put on this
earth to have well I guess you probably
already figured out I’m patient a I’m
here because I am a comparison IDUs
survivor and you can be too and so I
want to share with you a few ways to do
that I want to share with you some of
the symptoms and I want to share with
you some of the ways to cure this thing
once and for all so let’s start out with
the symptoms one of the first things
that happens when people are suffering
from comparison itis is they begin to
search for faults in others you know I’m
talking about nitpicky hypercritical but
it really gets bad when they point that
judgment at themselves you know what I
mean we say things to ourselves we would
never say that anybody else but when we
let that sort of negative self-talk go
on too long it sinks in it can cause
real problems with who we think we are
depression anxiety can all be started
because comparison itis is left to
fester too long there’s an author that I
loved her name is Tara Moore and she
wrote a great book called playing big
and she talks about the fact that you
and I have two voices in her head some
of you have more than just two but just
just two voices and and this one voice
is called the inner critic that’s that
voice I was just talking about you know
the one the one that’s telling you all
the reasons why it’s not a good idea to
try or you’re not good enough you know
that voice but the best part is she said
there’s a second voice and that voice is
our inner mentor that voice is you and I
20 years from now and that voice is
filled with wisdom and perspective
that voice is looking at us going you’ve
got this you’re gonna be fine
but can I ask you as pleasant as this
voice is to listen to which one do we
listen to more we listen to that inner
critic it causes that inward feeling of
fault that’s one of the big symptoms
another one is is that people with
comparison dynasts tend to seek
attention for themselves often in really
unhealthy ways you know what I’m talking
about where people feel maybe they’ve
bought into the notion that there’s only
two ways to elevate you have to brag
about yourself or you have to cut other
people down that I really believe is
part of the motivation behind bullies
today where somehow they bought into the
fact that maybe at least bad attention
is better than no attention at all the
third symptom is that it can damage
relationships so let me tell you how it
works okay I want everybody to picture
their best friend
matching that best friend you know the
one the one that you’ve known for years
you love them you trust them you’ve got
a great relationship if everybody got
that person in mind okay so imagine here
they are now one day out of the blue
fortune smiles on your friend they get a
scholarship they they get engaged they
win the lottery and yeah but you don’t
and so then what happens to the
relationship between you oftentimes at
best it’s awkward you know a little
weird stiff you know what I’m talking
about and even worse sometimes it can
cause a real rift in that relationship I
have to tell you I saw this actually
happen in the workplace I was on a sales
team and we used to have monthly sales
meetings where we get together and we
share all that you know the good stuff
that’s happened during the month so
there were these veterans that have done
well but in right now they were kind of
in a slump and then we had some new
so what happened at this particular
meeting was all of the accolades and the
milestones were being reached so we were
celebrating with these new folks and I
literally heard kind of overheard off to
the side here like a snicker you know I
mean like a like a scoff when we were
celebrating with these other two and
truly I was embarrassed I I was
mortified really and afterwards I went
up to one of the veterans and I said
come on what was that all about and she
literally said to me you know I don’t
think I’m gonna keep coming to these
meetings she said it was okay when I was
getting some recognition but I don’t
like hearing about all that stuff Mike
that’s comparison itis at its worst it
can damage those kinds of relationships
now you may be wondering at this point
don’t people grow out of this I mean it
what about maturity right well I wish
that was always the case actually John
Maxwell he shares this great quote I
love he says you know age and maturity
and wisdom are supposed to come together
but sometimes age just you know comes
alone I know plenty of people who should
know better who still struggle with this
disease
they were folks who lost their over
priced homes in over mortgaged homes and
overpriced neighborhoods years ago
because they were so desperate to keep
up with the Joneses now here’s the best
news there is a cure for this and I want
to share with you three cures that if we
do these maybe we can keep this at bay
at all especially to keep it from
becoming an epidemic so let me share
these three protocols that you can put
in action right away
number one focus on what you have not
what you don’t have I know that sounds
really easy right I do believe in the
premise that whatever you focus on
expands so if I want more good stuff I’m
gonna focus on what I have so I get more
of that
but that’s easier said than done right
so it’s sort of like a muscle you have
to exercise in order to cultivate an
attitude of gratitude you’ve got to
practice so let me give you one quick
tip you might have heard this before
take a little notepad and put it by your
bedside then every night before you go
to sleep
write down everything that you’re
grateful for from that day now and I get
it sometimes it’s like I got up this
morning okay that’s all right write it
down it’s okay
whatever it is that you’re happy and
grateful for because just imagine how
well you’re going to sleep when you
download all those wonderful things you
have to be grateful for right before you
go to bed it’s a beautiful thing for you
to focus on and truly remember that
somebody else’s success is not your
failure there is plenty of awesome to go
around
it’s truly in abundance now that’s
easier said than done – when we see all
the stuff on Facebook or social media
and we see all the different postings of
oh I’m in a new relationship or I’ve got
a great puppy or all those pictures from
spring break right then it’s real easy
but we need to cut it out for us looking
at ourselves and trying to compare what
we think is our ordinary lives to
somebody else’s highlight reel all of
these are things that we can do to focus
on what we have let me give you the next
cure this may take you on a trip to the
ICU what I mean is the intensive care of
uplifting people folks I want you to
fiercely protect your inner circle that
group of people that you let in hey
listen
our moms were right we are who we hang
around with I want you to make sure
anybody you let in influence you is
uplifting encouraging motivating to you
you know some of us might have a little
spring cleaning to do with this inner
circle the third one is so
important each of us needs to stand on
our own story own that know what it is
we are put on this earth to do and own
it now some of you may be thinking a lot
I don’t know what that is yet I’m still
trying to figure it out so let me give
you a little guideline a road map that
the Japanese use it’s actually called a
key guy and so what it is is it’s the
convergence of four important components
things each of us have to discover about
ourselves that we want to figure out so
let me tell you what those are the first
thing is what do you have loved I mean
what makes your heart sing
what do you add salutely love then the
next component is what are you good at
what are your talents natural or skills
that are built what are you good at the
third component is what’s the world need
out there and then what would the world
value so much they would pay for it so
all four of those components converging
together should be your sweet spot it’s
you’re a key guy and you know what that
stands for it stands for a reason to get
out of bed in the morning it’s it’s that
wonderful place that purpose that each
of us need to find in ourselves finding
that purpose can fuel you to completely
cure yourself of comparison itis well I
I think it’s time to shake off the
shackles of comparison itis don’t you
are you are you with me on that to be
able to be free of it after a lifetime
of suffering from it I I really do feel
free I think it’s time to stop caring
what other people are doing and stand on
our own know that we have what we it
takes to be able to achieve what we want
and to and to recognize that the way to
make sure this stays in a lasting
remission is to love ourselves and to
love what we do so I’m a mission on a
mission right now truly both personally
and professionally to help people love
what they do and who
they are it makes all the difference in
the world the goal is to really find
that sweet spot that a key guy that that
purpose that lane and drive the heck out
of it
that way you absolutely can stand in the
beautiful light and the joy of just being you thanks
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