Jumana and I met on the green grass of
America it was a family potluck she was
holding her baby boy I was holding mine
she had the kind of dark beauty that I
recognized from home so I walked up to
her what’s his name
Tamara and yours he died were you from
Jerusalem near amel actually I’m from
Jerusalem – her American has been
stepped right in my wife is a
Palestinian you know as if I didn’t know
but I didn’t know if she’d want to talk
to me you see I grew up in Jerusalem a
proud Israeli Jew when my grandmother
would hear the word Arab she’d say who
he must mum may their name be erased her
son my uncle was killed in the 1948 war
for our independence I come from a place
where the news is on the radio every
hour and on the buses the drivers turned
the volume up and all conversations
stopped there’s always something bombs
in the marketplace buses blowing up Wars
but jimana and I watched our children
grow up together on that green grass
without the fear no one put it in words
but each of us knew back home my son
would grow up to go to the army and
check IDs at roadblocks her son would
grow up to arrive at the checkpoint and
throw stones at the oppressor over the
years jimana and I did start to talk but
it was mostly mom stuff until one day as
a storyteller I was creating a story
from my memories of 3rd grade in the
1967 war when I realized I’ve known this
woman now for seven years we both grew
up in the same city not even five miles
apart and I never heard
what that war was like for her did she
sleep with all the neighbors in the
furnace room like I did did Palestinians
even have a bomb shelter so I called her
and she said the only memory I have for
my childhood is fear
I grew up under occupation I never met
an Israeli who wasn’t a soldier or a
settler until I met you she said I don’t
have a story to tell
look I’m not a typical case our house
wasn’t demolished our trees were not
approved and listen my people are being
killed every single day and my life is
sheltered I’m here I’m not a typical
case why would you want to hear my story
I said I never had a friend who was a
Palestinian before I just want to know
how it is so she said all right I don’t
have a story but I’ll answer questions
and so I asked questions about her
school and her home and her family in
the neighborhood and the stories came
pouring out and for the first time in my
life I heard what it actually feels like
to be a Palestinian growing up under
Israeli occupation she told me that when
she was 10 she saw a 14 year old boy
being beaten by soldiers and that was
the first time in her life she
understood the meaning of the word hate
hearing this felt like someone just
kicked me in the gut because those
soldiers that terrified and haunted her
entire childhood or our symbol of
security our heroes everyone that I knew
that turned 18 and went to the army
including my brother my people were the
vehm it was painful but I kept listening
because she was telling me her story and
eventually we began to talk about
history and I said something that was
the truth a historical fact and she said
that’s not
that Zionist propaganda and then she
said something that was the truth a
historical fact and I said that’s not
the way it was that’s Arab propaganda we
found ourselves arguing then she said
look at us we’re becoming defensive we
laughed I picked up the baby so she
could make a soft-boiled egg for the
other kids and we continued to talk and
this experience our ability to continue
to talk and hold on to our compassion in
spite of differences it was so powerful
it propelled me to create a live
performance called
and land twice promised where I tell our
personal stories and the stories of our
mothers that echo those contradicting
national narratives of our people and
soon after I began touring this show I
realized that what I learned from this
process could be useful for others and
that my story is not just about two
mothers meeting on the playground it’s
not even about Israelis and Palestinians
it’s about the power of storytelling and
the power of listening to the story of
the other even and especially when
they’re different and their story
difficult so I became interested in
using storytelling as a peace building
tool with a definition of peace expanded
to include issues of diversity and
bridging differences in our workplace
and communities so what is it about
storytelling that makes it useful to
connect the cross differences we know
that diverse voices and diverse
abilities be it in the workplace or
community contribute to greater
performance and greater resilience but
we all know that it is not easy to work
or get along with those who are
different who do not share our
preferences and values it’s difficult
because our brain is wired our brain is
wired to keep us safe we have a
biological inclination to seek belonging
and bond with those who are most from
failure the way a person looks speaks
and even smells unconsciously alerts us
to whether or not they are from our
tribe and therefore safe and the more
different someone seems the less real
they become and the easier it is to
label them and shut them out and because
our brain is wired to keep us safe
we are also attached to our cognitive
constructs of the world our opinions our
worldview it’s part of how we navigate
life it’s part of our identity so in my
way of looking at things is challenged
by someone else’s it can feel
threatening we either argue or we shut
down and don’t engage but imagine if we
could look at our differences not as a
threat but as an opportunity what if we
could bring people to listen not to
concepts and opinions but to experience
you see story is based in experience and
when we open up to the experience the
story of another human things begin to
shift the first thing that shifts is the
emotional connection in a very short
time there’s a sense of trust and
intimacy now we’re not talking becoming
best friends forever but intimacy in the
sense that you you know more about the
person than the sum of the words
exchanged between you I remember an
interfaith workshop where a Jewish woman
was partnered with a Muslim man and I
watched at first her arms were like
armor and her face a harsh resolve and
as she listened her arms came down her
face softened and then she turned to us
and she said I can’t believe that was a
three minute story I feel like I know
this person and it’s the first time in
my life I sat and talked face to face
with an Islamic person it changed my
life so this sense of into
see and Trust is created not just by the
content of the story at the process of
being together in the same space and
time sharing stories and this this
process is the core attribute that sets
storytelling apart because you see it’s
not just about the story it’s about us
that human connection that happens when
we are in the same space face-to-face
listening and being listened to is what
creates transformation the second thing
that happens when we open up to the
experience of another human is the shift
in the cognitive connection when we
argue we present our opinions and we
naturally become defensive because
accepting your point of view means I
have to change or invalidate mine but
when we listen to a story we use the
imagination I get to temporarily suspend
disbelief and look at the world in a way
that is not mine there’s no need to
become defensive because imagining or
understanding your point of view doesn’t
mean I have to adopt it or invalidate my
own there was a time in another workshop
that I was very nervous that a
participant was gonna get up and walk
away she was a deeply religious woman
with fundamental views and her partner
was sharing a story about getting an
abortion but she didn’t walk away and at
the end this is what she said that was
the first time in my life I was able to
consider something that completely
contradicted everything I believed in
because she was telling me her story I
found myself being able to accept that
an abortion could be a valid option even
essential for someone else so listening
to a story allows us to suspend judgment
and open up to different points of view
but it’s not just the listening that
creates transformation a fascinating
scientific study in the Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology shows
that self affirmation reduces
ideological closed mindedness apparently
we do our best when our self integrity
our need to see ourselves as good is
affirmed when individuals first recall
the personal strengths or a treasured
memory large differences and rigid
ideological views were transcended the
study shows that sharing a story
prompted respect and openness to
information that otherwise wouldn’t be
considered my Palestinian friend shared
the story of finding courage in fifth
grade running through the alleys of the
old city to get her little sister to
safety during a demonstration I shared
the story of my mother
and the pride of my family in the uncle
who sacrificed his life for our
independence because we shared these
memories we affirmed our sense of self
integrity and it became possible to hear
the historical narrative of the other so
arguing contributes to fortifying
opinions and polarizing points of view
but storytelling offers a space for
sharing self affirming treasured
memories that reduce inflexibility and
ideological closed mindedness now in my
work I’ve been inspired by the great
religion scholar Karen Armstrong to take
this emotional and cognitive shift
another step Armstrong talks about the
centrality of compassion to all the
world’s religions compassion she says
doesn’t mean pity feeling sorry for
another compassion means putting
yourself in the position of another
person learning about their pain so I
made a choice
not just to listen to my friends stories
but to publicly tell her stories and the
stories of our mothers from their points
of view for that I had to put myself in
the position of the other tell the story
as if it was me who felt that hate for
Israeli soldiers as if it was me who lay
on top of three babies during a night of
non-stop bombing like her mother in 1967
as if it was me who lost a beloved
brother like my mother in 1948 and
telling the stories in this way gave me
a deeper experience of compassion so in
my workshops participants learn not just
to listen to the story of that of the
other but to tell the story of another
person from that person’s point of view
using storytelling as a peace building
tool is not about changing opinions it’s
about changing our response to
differences and learning how to accept
multiple points of view simultaneously
and live with paradox because you see
living with complexity an understanding
or accepting the paradoxes around us is
the hardest thing for all of us we all
want answers we want clear views we all
need validation but as long as I insist
on one answer
only my story reflected in everything
I’m not open to change the key to the
future is understanding that reality is
so complex that accepting paradox can
have positive value when we make room
for paradox we make room for change
jimana and I listened to each other’s
stories it allowed us to expand our mind
and make room for paradox so we could
hold a perception that was different and
even
threatening to our own it led us to
insight and compassion but I don’t
pretend that it’s easy many times when I
listen to her and her version of truth
was so different the temptation was huge
to just label her oh those Palestinians
and walk away and I had to make a choice
do I stay safe in my familiar shelter of
us versus them or do I stay present to
this human story and allow myself the
uneasy territory of paradox the choice
to let go of our fears and trust stories
is ours and I’d like to invite you to
make that choice it isn’t an easy one
but choose to listen and to tell seek
out the other cultivate an attitude of
curiosity and open heart and use
storytelling to create bridges in our
polarized communities and workplaces I
invite you to choose to become
ambassadors of peace
[Applause]
you
America it was a family potluck she was
holding her baby boy I was holding mine
she had the kind of dark beauty that I
recognized from home so I walked up to
her what’s his name
Tamara and yours he died were you from
Jerusalem near amel actually I’m from
Jerusalem – her American has been
stepped right in my wife is a
Palestinian you know as if I didn’t know
but I didn’t know if she’d want to talk
to me you see I grew up in Jerusalem a
proud Israeli Jew when my grandmother
would hear the word Arab she’d say who
he must mum may their name be erased her
son my uncle was killed in the 1948 war
for our independence I come from a place
where the news is on the radio every
hour and on the buses the drivers turned
the volume up and all conversations
stopped there’s always something bombs
in the marketplace buses blowing up Wars
but jimana and I watched our children
grow up together on that green grass
without the fear no one put it in words
but each of us knew back home my son
would grow up to go to the army and
check IDs at roadblocks her son would
grow up to arrive at the checkpoint and
throw stones at the oppressor over the
years jimana and I did start to talk but
it was mostly mom stuff until one day as
a storyteller I was creating a story
from my memories of 3rd grade in the
1967 war when I realized I’ve known this
woman now for seven years we both grew
up in the same city not even five miles
apart and I never heard
what that war was like for her did she
sleep with all the neighbors in the
furnace room like I did did Palestinians
even have a bomb shelter so I called her
and she said the only memory I have for
my childhood is fear
I grew up under occupation I never met
an Israeli who wasn’t a soldier or a
settler until I met you she said I don’t
have a story to tell
look I’m not a typical case our house
wasn’t demolished our trees were not
approved and listen my people are being
killed every single day and my life is
sheltered I’m here I’m not a typical
case why would you want to hear my story
I said I never had a friend who was a
Palestinian before I just want to know
how it is so she said all right I don’t
have a story but I’ll answer questions
and so I asked questions about her
school and her home and her family in
the neighborhood and the stories came
pouring out and for the first time in my
life I heard what it actually feels like
to be a Palestinian growing up under
Israeli occupation she told me that when
she was 10 she saw a 14 year old boy
being beaten by soldiers and that was
the first time in her life she
understood the meaning of the word hate
hearing this felt like someone just
kicked me in the gut because those
soldiers that terrified and haunted her
entire childhood or our symbol of
security our heroes everyone that I knew
that turned 18 and went to the army
including my brother my people were the
vehm it was painful but I kept listening
because she was telling me her story and
eventually we began to talk about
history and I said something that was
the truth a historical fact and she said
that’s not
that Zionist propaganda and then she
said something that was the truth a
historical fact and I said that’s not
the way it was that’s Arab propaganda we
found ourselves arguing then she said
look at us we’re becoming defensive we
laughed I picked up the baby so she
could make a soft-boiled egg for the
other kids and we continued to talk and
this experience our ability to continue
to talk and hold on to our compassion in
spite of differences it was so powerful
it propelled me to create a live
performance called
and land twice promised where I tell our
personal stories and the stories of our
mothers that echo those contradicting
national narratives of our people and
soon after I began touring this show I
realized that what I learned from this
process could be useful for others and
that my story is not just about two
mothers meeting on the playground it’s
not even about Israelis and Palestinians
it’s about the power of storytelling and
the power of listening to the story of
the other even and especially when
they’re different and their story
difficult so I became interested in
using storytelling as a peace building
tool with a definition of peace expanded
to include issues of diversity and
bridging differences in our workplace
and communities so what is it about
storytelling that makes it useful to
connect the cross differences we know
that diverse voices and diverse
abilities be it in the workplace or
community contribute to greater
performance and greater resilience but
we all know that it is not easy to work
or get along with those who are
different who do not share our
preferences and values it’s difficult
because our brain is wired our brain is
wired to keep us safe we have a
biological inclination to seek belonging
and bond with those who are most from
failure the way a person looks speaks
and even smells unconsciously alerts us
to whether or not they are from our
tribe and therefore safe and the more
different someone seems the less real
they become and the easier it is to
label them and shut them out and because
our brain is wired to keep us safe
we are also attached to our cognitive
constructs of the world our opinions our
worldview it’s part of how we navigate
life it’s part of our identity so in my
way of looking at things is challenged
by someone else’s it can feel
threatening we either argue or we shut
down and don’t engage but imagine if we
could look at our differences not as a
threat but as an opportunity what if we
could bring people to listen not to
concepts and opinions but to experience
you see story is based in experience and
when we open up to the experience the
story of another human things begin to
shift the first thing that shifts is the
emotional connection in a very short
time there’s a sense of trust and
intimacy now we’re not talking becoming
best friends forever but intimacy in the
sense that you you know more about the
person than the sum of the words
exchanged between you I remember an
interfaith workshop where a Jewish woman
was partnered with a Muslim man and I
watched at first her arms were like
armor and her face a harsh resolve and
as she listened her arms came down her
face softened and then she turned to us
and she said I can’t believe that was a
three minute story I feel like I know
this person and it’s the first time in
my life I sat and talked face to face
with an Islamic person it changed my
life so this sense of into
see and Trust is created not just by the
content of the story at the process of
being together in the same space and
time sharing stories and this this
process is the core attribute that sets
storytelling apart because you see it’s
not just about the story it’s about us
that human connection that happens when
we are in the same space face-to-face
listening and being listened to is what
creates transformation the second thing
that happens when we open up to the
experience of another human is the shift
in the cognitive connection when we
argue we present our opinions and we
naturally become defensive because
accepting your point of view means I
have to change or invalidate mine but
when we listen to a story we use the
imagination I get to temporarily suspend
disbelief and look at the world in a way
that is not mine there’s no need to
become defensive because imagining or
understanding your point of view doesn’t
mean I have to adopt it or invalidate my
own there was a time in another workshop
that I was very nervous that a
participant was gonna get up and walk
away she was a deeply religious woman
with fundamental views and her partner
was sharing a story about getting an
abortion but she didn’t walk away and at
the end this is what she said that was
the first time in my life I was able to
consider something that completely
contradicted everything I believed in
because she was telling me her story I
found myself being able to accept that
an abortion could be a valid option even
essential for someone else so listening
to a story allows us to suspend judgment
and open up to different points of view
but it’s not just the listening that
creates transformation a fascinating
scientific study in the Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology shows
that self affirmation reduces
ideological closed mindedness apparently
we do our best when our self integrity
our need to see ourselves as good is
affirmed when individuals first recall
the personal strengths or a treasured
memory large differences and rigid
ideological views were transcended the
study shows that sharing a story
prompted respect and openness to
information that otherwise wouldn’t be
considered my Palestinian friend shared
the story of finding courage in fifth
grade running through the alleys of the
old city to get her little sister to
safety during a demonstration I shared
the story of my mother
and the pride of my family in the uncle
who sacrificed his life for our
independence because we shared these
memories we affirmed our sense of self
integrity and it became possible to hear
the historical narrative of the other so
arguing contributes to fortifying
opinions and polarizing points of view
but storytelling offers a space for
sharing self affirming treasured
memories that reduce inflexibility and
ideological closed mindedness now in my
work I’ve been inspired by the great
religion scholar Karen Armstrong to take
this emotional and cognitive shift
another step Armstrong talks about the
centrality of compassion to all the
world’s religions compassion she says
doesn’t mean pity feeling sorry for
another compassion means putting
yourself in the position of another
person learning about their pain so I
made a choice
not just to listen to my friends stories
but to publicly tell her stories and the
stories of our mothers from their points
of view for that I had to put myself in
the position of the other tell the story
as if it was me who felt that hate for
Israeli soldiers as if it was me who lay
on top of three babies during a night of
non-stop bombing like her mother in 1967
as if it was me who lost a beloved
brother like my mother in 1948 and
telling the stories in this way gave me
a deeper experience of compassion so in
my workshops participants learn not just
to listen to the story of that of the
other but to tell the story of another
person from that person’s point of view
using storytelling as a peace building
tool is not about changing opinions it’s
about changing our response to
differences and learning how to accept
multiple points of view simultaneously
and live with paradox because you see
living with complexity an understanding
or accepting the paradoxes around us is
the hardest thing for all of us we all
want answers we want clear views we all
need validation but as long as I insist
on one answer
only my story reflected in everything
I’m not open to change the key to the
future is understanding that reality is
so complex that accepting paradox can
have positive value when we make room
for paradox we make room for change
jimana and I listened to each other’s
stories it allowed us to expand our mind
and make room for paradox so we could
hold a perception that was different and
even
threatening to our own it led us to
insight and compassion but I don’t
pretend that it’s easy many times when I
listen to her and her version of truth
was so different the temptation was huge
to just label her oh those Palestinians
and walk away and I had to make a choice
do I stay safe in my familiar shelter of
us versus them or do I stay present to
this human story and allow myself the
uneasy territory of paradox the choice
to let go of our fears and trust stories
is ours and I’d like to invite you to
make that choice it isn’t an easy one
but choose to listen and to tell seek
out the other cultivate an attitude of
curiosity and open heart and use
storytelling to create bridges in our
polarized communities and workplaces I
invite you to choose to become
ambassadors of peace
[Applause]
you
Please follow and like us: