stop trying to be happy if you have to
try to be cool
if you have to try to be happy then you
maybe the problem these days is that
happiness like other emotions is not
something you obtain rather something
you inhabit research shows that people
who focus their energy on materialistic
and superficial pleasures end up more
anxious more emotionally unstable and
less happy in the long run pleasure is
the most superficial form of life
satisfaction and therefore the easiest
pleasure is what’s marketed to us it’s
what we fixate on it’s what we use to
numb and distract ourselves but pleasure
while necessary isn’t sufficient there’s
something more
[Music]
happiness does not require lowering
one’s expectations people are becoming
unhappier because we’re all narcissistic
and grew up being told that we’re
special unique snowflakes who are going
to change the world and we have Facebook
constantly telling us how amazing
everyone else’s lives are but not our
so we all feel like crap and wonder
where it all went wrong oh and all of
this happens by the age of 23 sorry but
no give people a little more credit than
that the failure to meet our own
expectations is not antithetical to
happiness and I actually argue that the
ability to fail and still appreciate the
experience is actually a fundamental
building block for happiness if you
thought you were going to make $100,000
and drive a Porsche immediately out of
college and your standards of success
were skewed and superficial you confused
your pleasure for happiness and the
painful smack of reality hitting you in
the face will be one of the best lessons
life ever gives you the lower
expectations argument falls victim to
the same old mindset the happiness is
derived from without the joy of life is
not having $100,000 salary it’s working
to reach $100,000 salary and then
working for a $200,000 salary and so on
so I say raise your expectations
elongate your process lay on your
deathbed with a to-do list a mile long
and smile at the infinite opportunity
granted to you create ridiculous
standards for yourself and then savor
the inevitable failure learn from it
live it let the ground crack and the
rocks crumble around you because that’s
how something amazing grows through the
cracks happiness is not the same as
positivity chances are you know someone
who always appears to be insanely happy
regardless of their circumstances or
situation chances are this is actually
one of the most dysfunctional people you
know denying negative emotions leads to
deeper and more prolonged negative
emotions and emotional dysfunction it’s
a simple reality
shit happens things go wrong people
upset us mistakes are made and negative
emotions arise and that’s fine negative
emotions are necessary and healthy we’re
maintaining a stable baseline happiness
in one’s life the trick with negative
emotions is to number one express them
in a socially acceptable and healthy
manner and number two express them in a
way which aligns with your values
happiness is the process of becoming
your ideal self completing a marathon
makes us happier than eating a chocolate
cake raising a child makes us happier
than beating a video game starting a
small business with friends and
struggling to make money makes us
happier than buying a new computer and
the funny thing is that all three of
these activities above are exceedingly
unpleasant and require setting high
expectations and potentially failing to
always meet them yet they are some of
the most meaningful moments and
activities of our lives
they involve pain struggle even anger
and despair yet once we’ve done them we
look back and get misty-eyed about them
why because it’s these sorts of
activities which allow us to become our
ideal selves
it’s the perpetual pursuit of fulfilling
our ideal selves which grants us
happiness regardless of superficial
pleasures will pain regardless of
positive or negative emotions this is
why some people are happy in war and
others are sad at weddings it’s why some
are excited to work and others eight
parties the traits they’re inhabiting
don’t align with our ideal selfs the end
results don’t define our ideal cells
it’s not finishing the marathon that
makes us happy its achieving a long-term
goal that does
it’s not having an awesome kid to show
off that makes us happy
but knowing that you gave yourself up to
the growth of another human being
that is special it’s not the prestige
and money from the new business that
makes you happy it’s the process of
overcoming all odds with people you care
about and this is the reason that trying
to be happy in Evatt ibly will make you
unhappy because to try to be happy
implies that you’re not already
inhabiting your ideal self they’re not
aligned with the qualities of who you
wish to be after all if you were acting
out your ideal self and you wouldn’t
feel the need to try to be happy q
statements about finding happiness
within and knowing that you’re enough
it’s not that happiness itself is in you
it’s that happiness occurs when you
decide to pursue what’s in you and this
is why happiness is so fleeting
anyone who has set out major life goals
for themselves only to achieve them and
realize that they feel the same relative
amounts of happiness and unhappiness
notes that happiness always feels like
it’s around the corner
just waiting for you to show up no
matter where you are in life there will
always be that one more thing you need
to do to be extra especially happy and
that’s because our ideal self is always
just around that corner always three
steps ahead of us we dream of being a
musician and when we’re a musician we
dream of writing a film score and when
we write a film score we dream of
writing a screenplay and what matters
isn’t that we achieve each of these
plateaus of success but that we’re
consistently moving towards them day
after day month after month year after
year the plateaus will come and go and
we’ll continue following our ideal self
down the path of our lives and with that
with regards to being happy it seems the
imagine who you want to be and then step
towards it dream big and then do
something anything the simple act of
moving at all will change how you feel
about the entire process and serve to
inspire you further let go of the
the fantasy and the dream are merely
tools to get you off your ass
[Music]
it doesn’t matter if they come true or
not
[Music]
live man just live
[Music]
stop trying to be happy and just be
[Applause] [Music]
try to be cool
if you have to try to be happy then you
maybe the problem these days is that
happiness like other emotions is not
something you obtain rather something
you inhabit research shows that people
who focus their energy on materialistic
and superficial pleasures end up more
anxious more emotionally unstable and
less happy in the long run pleasure is
the most superficial form of life
satisfaction and therefore the easiest
pleasure is what’s marketed to us it’s
what we fixate on it’s what we use to
numb and distract ourselves but pleasure
while necessary isn’t sufficient there’s
something more
[Music]
happiness does not require lowering
one’s expectations people are becoming
unhappier because we’re all narcissistic
and grew up being told that we’re
special unique snowflakes who are going
to change the world and we have Facebook
constantly telling us how amazing
everyone else’s lives are but not our
so we all feel like crap and wonder
where it all went wrong oh and all of
this happens by the age of 23 sorry but
no give people a little more credit than
that the failure to meet our own
expectations is not antithetical to
happiness and I actually argue that the
ability to fail and still appreciate the
experience is actually a fundamental
building block for happiness if you
thought you were going to make $100,000
and drive a Porsche immediately out of
college and your standards of success
were skewed and superficial you confused
your pleasure for happiness and the
painful smack of reality hitting you in
the face will be one of the best lessons
life ever gives you the lower
expectations argument falls victim to
the same old mindset the happiness is
derived from without the joy of life is
not having $100,000 salary it’s working
to reach $100,000 salary and then
working for a $200,000 salary and so on
so I say raise your expectations
elongate your process lay on your
deathbed with a to-do list a mile long
and smile at the infinite opportunity
granted to you create ridiculous
standards for yourself and then savor
the inevitable failure learn from it
live it let the ground crack and the
rocks crumble around you because that’s
how something amazing grows through the
cracks happiness is not the same as
positivity chances are you know someone
who always appears to be insanely happy
regardless of their circumstances or
situation chances are this is actually
one of the most dysfunctional people you
know denying negative emotions leads to
deeper and more prolonged negative
emotions and emotional dysfunction it’s
a simple reality
shit happens things go wrong people
upset us mistakes are made and negative
emotions arise and that’s fine negative
emotions are necessary and healthy we’re
maintaining a stable baseline happiness
in one’s life the trick with negative
emotions is to number one express them
in a socially acceptable and healthy
manner and number two express them in a
way which aligns with your values
happiness is the process of becoming
your ideal self completing a marathon
makes us happier than eating a chocolate
cake raising a child makes us happier
than beating a video game starting a
small business with friends and
struggling to make money makes us
happier than buying a new computer and
the funny thing is that all three of
these activities above are exceedingly
unpleasant and require setting high
expectations and potentially failing to
always meet them yet they are some of
the most meaningful moments and
activities of our lives
they involve pain struggle even anger
and despair yet once we’ve done them we
look back and get misty-eyed about them
why because it’s these sorts of
activities which allow us to become our
ideal selves
it’s the perpetual pursuit of fulfilling
our ideal selves which grants us
happiness regardless of superficial
pleasures will pain regardless of
positive or negative emotions this is
why some people are happy in war and
others are sad at weddings it’s why some
are excited to work and others eight
parties the traits they’re inhabiting
don’t align with our ideal selfs the end
results don’t define our ideal cells
it’s not finishing the marathon that
makes us happy its achieving a long-term
goal that does
it’s not having an awesome kid to show
off that makes us happy
but knowing that you gave yourself up to
the growth of another human being
that is special it’s not the prestige
and money from the new business that
makes you happy it’s the process of
overcoming all odds with people you care
about and this is the reason that trying
to be happy in Evatt ibly will make you
unhappy because to try to be happy
implies that you’re not already
inhabiting your ideal self they’re not
aligned with the qualities of who you
wish to be after all if you were acting
out your ideal self and you wouldn’t
feel the need to try to be happy q
statements about finding happiness
within and knowing that you’re enough
it’s not that happiness itself is in you
it’s that happiness occurs when you
decide to pursue what’s in you and this
is why happiness is so fleeting
anyone who has set out major life goals
for themselves only to achieve them and
realize that they feel the same relative
amounts of happiness and unhappiness
notes that happiness always feels like
it’s around the corner
just waiting for you to show up no
matter where you are in life there will
always be that one more thing you need
to do to be extra especially happy and
that’s because our ideal self is always
just around that corner always three
steps ahead of us we dream of being a
musician and when we’re a musician we
dream of writing a film score and when
we write a film score we dream of
writing a screenplay and what matters
isn’t that we achieve each of these
plateaus of success but that we’re
consistently moving towards them day
after day month after month year after
year the plateaus will come and go and
we’ll continue following our ideal self
down the path of our lives and with that
with regards to being happy it seems the
imagine who you want to be and then step
towards it dream big and then do
something anything the simple act of
moving at all will change how you feel
about the entire process and serve to
inspire you further let go of the
the fantasy and the dream are merely
tools to get you off your ass
[Music]
it doesn’t matter if they come true or
not
[Music]
live man just live
[Music]
stop trying to be happy and just be
[Applause] [Music]
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