if you’re going to look to other people
for advice remember one thing do it
anyway is a mindset trick that you can
use when you start to feel excuses
rolling up you asked me how do i balance
my passions how do you find the time
because I like you have a million things
going on the key is this need motivation
she’s Mel Robbins and here’s my take on
her top ten rules to success volume 9
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one be responsible for yourself if
you’re going to follow influencers and
you’re going to look to other people for
advice remember one thing would you
actually trade lives with them would you
actually want to do what they’re doing
yeah with their life and if the answer
is yes then listen yes but then always
come back and reflect on whether or not
that advice feels true for you yeah and
adjust it because the things that I’m
saying they work for me and I know they
work for millions of people but they
might not work for you based on your
mental health based on your financial
situation based on what’s going on with
your family the timing might not be
right you might not be mentally capable
of doing these things without
professional help
so you have to be responsible for
yourself yeah that’s the most important
thing about personal development rule
number two
do it anyway do it anyway is a mindset
trick that you can use when you start to
feel excuses rolling up it works a lot
like the five-second rule so you have
said to yourself okay I’m gonna talk to
my boss today about that thing that I’ve
been avoiding talking to them about or
maybe you’ve said something like I’m
gonna go to the gym today or tomorrow or
whatever and then the moment comes where
you’ve got to have that conversation or
the moment comes where it’s time to pack
up your bag and leave your desk and go
to the gym and what always happens you
don’t feel like it I bet there are
plenty of you watching that have made a
commitment that yeah I’m not gonna have
a drink today and then guess what
happens when you get home you don’t feel
like not drinking you feel like having a
drink and so here’s what do it anyway
has done for me the idea that I just do
it anyway
has pushed me to realize and to
recognize that there are a lot of
moments where there are things in my
life that I really want to do I need to
do I should do but when the moment comes
I don’t feel like it and so I pull out
this idea of you know what I’m just
gonna do it anyway it’s raining outside
I said I would go for a short run I
don’t feel like it
I’m gonna do it anyway it’s six o’clock
in the morning I’m tired it’s cold I
laid out my yoga clothes but now I don’t
feel like it what do I do I do it anyway
when you start to say to yourself I’m
gonna do it anyway what happens is
something really cool you acknowledge
that there are feelings that you have
that are trying to swoop in and hijack
you you acknowledge them and you
basically say guess what I’m gonna do it
anyway
rule number three focus yourself the
businesses that were launched by
somebody like you who was working
full-time while launching your business
had a 33% less chance of failing than
the people that quit their jobs and jump
all in and the reason why is you know
how to hedge your bets you’re a little
conservative in terms of the risks that
you’ll take which means over the long
term your business is more likely to
succeed you asked me how do i balance my
passions how do you find the time
because I like you have a million things
going on from being an on-air
commentator to CNN to having an
incredible partnership with Success
Magazine and doing a ton of cool stuff
with them to giving over 80 speeches a
year and running a company and having a
family the key is this you must find 30
minutes before 7:30 in the morning 30
minutes before 7:30 that you take at
home that you take at a coffee shop
where you organize your day and you work
on two things that will push your
business
forward 30 minutes before 7:30 why do
you need to do this well because when
you walk into work your days likely
gonna get hijacked and secondly if you
were to take this time every single
morning and focus yourself you’re now
starting your day having already done
work to advance your business and you’re
walking into your current job knowing
what you need to get done that’s gonna
make you work smarter at work I think a
lot of people that are working a job
full-time and also trying to launch a
business on the side actually have the
time the problem is that you’re not
being rigorous and focused about what
you’re spending it on Leah number 4
follow the energy follow the energy yet
because if my husband hadn’t gotten into
a business school up in Boston I’d still
be in New York City making 19 thousand
dollars a year as it is a legal aid
attorney that’s what I’d be doing
because I loved I loved being a fighter
for people that didn’t have people
fighting for them I loved that and I
still do that today but the people that
I our audience are people who want to do
better it’s people that want to be
happier people that want to do more for
their families people that want to
pursue their dreams and I am fighting
I’m fighting the Bulls for you
yeah I’m fighting yourself doubt I’m
fighting your anxiety and fighting your
excuses I’m fighting the stories that
you’ve had since childhood and I show up
every day to remind you of who you are
right and to remind you that you can do
this if you put in the work and if you
give up your timeline and if you’re good
to people and if you’re positive and if
you cheer for other people and the fact
that our platform has grown so fast and
our engagement is so big makes me better
at what I do because we literally hear
from a thousand people a day who are
either struggling yeah or who have used
some small thing that we’ve said and it
has
their lives or their relationships and
that makes me not feel it is that energy
it gives me energy
thank you it doesn’t go here it goes
here you know what I mean yeah also if
you want to learn how to have confidence
like Mel Robbins and other successful
entrepreneurs check out my 254 series
the link is in the description below if
you didn’t give what anybody else
thought what’s the thing you would love
to be doing with your life I know that
everybody’s problem comes down to one
pattern you’re repeating that you can’t
see you might want to get honest with
yourself like instead of doing this be a
millionaire or do this do you really
because you can make it happen
you actually can look at all the idiots
that are making money you can make money
rule number five master visualization if
you expect to achieve your goals if you
expect to reach your potential if you
expect to have your dreams come true why
do I got to explain to you is mission
critical you must become a master at
visualization now for those of you that
are like what the heck is she talking
about I did not sign up for some sort of
meditation woo spiritual thing here
don’t worry this is Mel Robbins
there’s always science and research
involved in everything that I talk about
so visualization is a extraordinarily
powerful skill and you may have heard of
the law of attraction you may have heard
of the word visualization you may have
heard of the word manifesting I call it
seeing signs so I’m a master at seeing
positive signs I am a master of creating
coincidences I have the world’s most
incredible luck you want to know why
because I understand the science and the
skill of visualization I know that your
brain it is a gigantic detective machine
your brain
is a filter your brain is constantly
looking for evidence and that’s good
news it’s good news when you know how to
use it to your advantage
let me explain so your brain has a
system in it here’s the technical term
it’s called the reticular activating
system it is a network of neurons all up
in here and what is the job of the
reticular activating system it is a
filter system it’s basically a system
that allows certain information in your
brain and it blocks out other
information and guess who programmed
that filter you did and so did the
people from your past and so if you
constantly feel like you’re unlovable
guess what your reticular activating
system is going through the day and it
is going to point out every single piece
of evidence that confirms that negative
belief that you have if your goal is to
improve your self-worth I want you to
visualize what your life looks like and
how you’re going to feel about yourself
when your self-worth has improved here’s
how you’re going to do it so there’s two
things that you have to do when it comes
to visualization you have to close your
eyes truly I know it sounds stupid but I
want you to close your eyes and I want
you to in your mind have a specific
picture of what it looks like in your
life when your self-worth has improved
you’re gonna see yourself speaking up at
work you’re gonna see yourself talking
more about your business you’re gonna
see yourself leaving bad relationships
you’re gonna see yourself defining
boundaries you’re gonna see yourself
going to the gym you’re gonna see
yourself taking care of yourself and
when you start to visualize the image of
that I want you to
consciously this is step to consciously
think of the positive emotions that
you’re gonna feel I’m gonna feel happy
I’m gonna feel proud I’m gonna stand
taller I’m going to be so grateful that
I made this change marrying the the
specific picture or there I am there I
am I’m I’m it I’m at work and I’m
raising my hand amazing I’m sharing my
tea there I am I’m getting a promotion
there I am asking for a raise there I am
I’ve just signed up another customer to
my business there I am I’ve gone back to
school I feel so good about myself when
you do that here’s what’s actually
happening in your brain this is the cool
science part you are training your brain
to have a totally different filter you
see your brain my brain it doesn’t know
the difference between something that
actually happened to you like the f you
got in your test in tenth grade and the
things you imagine that are happening to
you let me say that again your brain
doesn’t know the difference between the
bad things that actually happen to you
the real memories that you have and an
imagined memory that you’re creating
your brain will experience you
visualizing going to the gym you
visualizing how happy you feel when you
do you visualizing asking for that raise
and getting it how proud you’re going to
feel your brain when you visualize in
the way that I’m teaching you to it it
encodes it as a real memory and that’s
important because when you encode it as
a real memory it changes the filter
system that reticular activating system
and here’s what we know based on
research the more you visualize things
number one the greater your confidence
is going to be the greater security
you’re gonna have about it and here’s
the really cool thing the more you do
this with your goals you wake up every
day and you just visualize for it takes
30 freaking seconds for crying out loud
you visualize having a great day at
school you vision
lies curing your panic and how proud
you’re going to be what studies suggest
and have proven is that simply
visualizing yourself doing things
actually develops the skill and helps
you improve the skills just as if you
were actually doing it rule number six
stop complaining Deborah says what about
complaining about things that genuinely
take time to resolve like I’m getting
over being sick let me ask you a
question does complaining about being
sick actually help you get better it’s a
fair question you’re allowed to complain
if it’s productive if it makes you feel
better to go and saying it is helpful
terrific if doing that makes you feel
even worse try not to do it say things
like boy I’m on day three of this I must
be getting better
boy the meds are gonna kick in at any
moment you know when it starts chris is
looking at me like what are you talking
about it’s just somebody mentioned do
thoughts count yes outbound sort of out
outward complaining yeah they’re
complaining in your own mind of course
thoughts count because you know what you
complain about the most yourself your
body your intelligence what you just
said
the fact that you didn’t go to the gym
the fact that you didn’t do what you
said you were gonna do the beating
yourself up as a form of complaining
because you’re expressing
dissatisfaction for yourself
and the problem with all this is that
when you do it habitually or when you
complain as just a default mode and you
don’t realize how much you’re doing it
you’re allowing your mind to filter the
world a certain way and you’re allowing
yourself to live in existence where your
own thoughts are point
this if you feel like hell and you got
the flu and you’ve just thrown up in the
toilet complain all you want vent all
you want you just earned that but at
some point you’re gonna have to stop
feeding the monster and putting poison
in your own mind and you’re gonna have
to teach yourself how to start to find
milestones that are positive so that you
can become healthier so that you can
change how you think rule number seven
do the things that make you happy you
born your home and then we go to
kindergarten and then you go to first
grade and then you go to second grade
and then you go to third grade and then
you get a fourth grade and then you go
to fifth grade and then you go to middle
school and then you go to high school
and then there’s the pressure to go to
college or to a tech school or to do
something else and then you get your job
and then you’re in your job and then you
meet somebody and then you get married
and then you’re supposed to buy the
house and then you’re supposed to have
the kids and maybe you get the dog
before the kids or after the kids but
then you have a second kid and then you
have the 0.5 kid because most of us do
point five kids and then we get and then
we get the the home equity line and then
we put the kitchen Edition on and then
we I mean it’s like our entire lives are
set out in this linear progression as
people chase the dream the next and
particularly for those of us who are
triggered by the fear of losing control
it’s only natural to anchor your feeling
of being in control to chasing the next
thing and so not only are we all
socialized to believe that we’re
supposed to climb this ladder we’re
supposed to do things in a linear
progression we’re supposed to get to the
next thing we’ve also been marketed to
by society that will be happier if we
have a new car we’ll be happier if we
have a better dishwasher we’ll be
happier if we have the skin lotion
that’s got the almond scent and we are
also psychologically anchoring our sense
of control
and our sense of happiness on achieving
those things and what you’re
experiencing is no different than what
millions and millions and millions of us
experience and that’s that emptiness
that you feel when you buy the lotion
that smells like almond butter and it
doesn’t make you happy or you get the
promotion and you have an extra hundred
bucks in your paycheck after taxes and
it means you can buy the 14 dollar
Chardonnay not the ten dollar shortened
Chardonnay and it doesn’t make you happy
and the reason why is the I’ll be happy
when life that chase the carrot life
they get to the next thing life that
form of happiness requires you to be
driving let’s use the car analogy again
to be going 60 miles an hour at all
times
and happiness is achieved through a
different formula it happens when you’re
sitting at the light and you’re idle
when you’re in the moment doing things
that make you happy and that’s being
with people that you care about it’s
engaging in experiences that make you
happy and it’s just working on things
that are important to you rule number
eight learn to deal with negativity
Amanda on YouTube how do I protect
myself from negative people at work
while trying to be positive so I think
about forcefields you there are certain
people in your life that are negative
that you can’t avoid there are probably
people at work just like Amanda has that
are negative that you can’t avoid cuz
you got to work with them there might be
people in your family there might be
people in your household there might be
roommates that you have or people in the
classes that you’re taking that are
negative think about force fields
because energy is contagious just
because somebody else is negative
doesn’t mean you have to let their
negativity seep through into you my
greatest tool in dealing with negative
people is to feel sorry for them I know
it’s a judgy thing to
do but I feel like if I’ve got this
negative person in my life or around me
or at the coffee shop or whatever
isn’t it interesting around negative
people they sort of vibrate this
nastiness and this passive-aggressive
stuff and they’re like body language is
all like look instead of letting that
seep into you what you want to do is get
the force fields up and get yourself
above that person so you can look at
them and basically go whoa I wonder what
happened to that person that would make
them so negative I wonder what that
person’s life or home life is like that
they walk into work and they feel like
this feel sorry for them there’s
something about feeling sorry for
somebody else or asking yourself God
what happened to that person to turn
them into such a negative look and to be
so hurt that kind of perspective
elevates you above the toxicity rule
number nine resolved your inner
conflicts I was struggling with anxiety
I was ridiculously competitive deeply
insecure those three that trifecta is
deadly so very toxic human being and I
think a lot of it was an outgrowth of an
incident when I was in fourth grade and
I was molested by another kid and it was
not as traumatic of an incident as a lot
of people have survived but it what
happened
as I look back I now understand my full
psychology but one of my fundamental
philosophies is that most of us are
dealing with some kind of internal
conflict that we have never resolved
because something happened to us when we
were little yeah
and we did something to survive it and
that survival mechanism mine happened to
be lying but that survival mechanism
worked when you were a kid it worked to
keep you safe it worked to keep your
abusive dad from not screaming at you it
worked to make people like you but as
you got older you never updated that
strategy and so a lot of people that we
serve that I work with whether they are
the CEO of a publicly-traded company or
they are a kid just graduating from high
school or hoping to graduate from high
school the number one thing that most
people are dealing with is they’re
dealing with unresolved internal
conflicts about that happened when they
were a kid and what happened to me when
I was a kid is I had this incident
happened where I was abused by another
kid again not as like scary as what a
lot of people deal with and when I went
downstairs in the morning after it
happened
my mom was standing there and she turned
to me and said oh hi had it just sleep
honey and I saw out of the corner of my
eye that the kid that had done it to me
was sitting at the table and I
immediately said fine and that moment
right there when I said fine I made a
decision not to say what happened
because I didn’t want her to get upset I
didn’t want there to be a scene I didn’t
want to get in trouble I mean this is
like a fourth grader processing
processing yeah
it solidified a a strategy that I used
literally until I was in my mid-30s and
that strategy was don’t tell the truth
assess and say whatever it is that is
going to kind of calm the waters or make
people happy and so I became somebody
that literally was driven by looking
around and making sure everything was
okay and not wanting to upset people and
I was very competitive and outgoing but
it was not the kind of competitive and
outgoing that I am today that’s grounded
in confidence and that’s grounded in my
values it was a competitiveness and an
outgoingness that was based in
insecurity and rule number ten the last
one before very special bonus clip is
have a good morning routine why is the
morning routine so important couple
things
how you wake up has a scientifically
proven impact on your ability to focus
on your happiness and on your
productivity all day the two to three
pieces of it are for me I wake up when
the alarm goes off I then get up and for
the first couple minutes of the day I
plan my day and I have a particular
process that I go through that leverages
something from Harvard Business School
called the progress principle I have a
mindfulness practice that could be
anything that you want it could be
gratitude journaling it could be
meditation it could be five slow deep
breaths it could be taking your your dog
outside for a walk and then on mornings
when I can I have a micro exercise
practice where I do planks for five
minutes or I do something to get my
blood pumping on the mornings that I can
I and I do all that before I ever even
look at my phone because I put myself
and my mindset first deliberately before
I ever allow the world access to my mind
you do not want anybody to have access
to what’s going on up here until you’ve
gotten deliberate about what you’re
thinking about first now I’ve got a
really special bonus tip from Ellen how
to stop living for others that I really
think you’re gonna enjoy but before that
it’s time for the three point landing
questions let’s go from just watching a
video to taking action in your life for
business here we go question number one
what is a great morning routine for you
number two what inner conflict do you
need to resolve today and number three
where do you need to stop complaining we
still own you as parents correct you
live in our house you got to follow our
rules to a certain extent but you have
to also be true to you
and one of the things that can be very
damaging to your friendships and to your
relationships with your parents is if
you’re not open about the things that
you’re thinking about that you’re not
open about the fears that you have if
you’re not open about what you perceive
your parents expectations to be for your
life versus what you want because the
one thing that I know about
entrepreneurs is that we’ve all been
down the road of doing something in our
lives to please other people and usually
it didn’t work and one of the reasons
why we’re driven to do our own thing as
we know what happens when you are able
to align things that you’re passionate
about
with being able to make a living and so
I already know regardless of what your
own opinion is about your parents that
you’re lucky enough to have parents that
get this am i right that what they want
more than any and no what you guys
aren’t raising your hand to back me up
on this you better that what they want
more than anything is for you to be open
with them what parents want more than
anything for their kids is for them to
be happy the conflict comes because we
have an opinion about what we think is
gonna make you happy and what would
really alleviate a lot of the pressure
that you may feel I’m not talking about
you specifically I’m talking about all
kids in general is having the courage to
have the conversation about what you’re
thinking you know like there’s nothing
worse than making decisions because you
think it’s what your parents want and
then you end up resenting them what you
want to do is have the kind of
relationship which you already do
because you’re here where you can talk
to them about the things that you’re
learning about what you’re experiencing
about what you’re afraid of about what
you think you’re interested in about
what they learned about what mistakes
they made you want the conversation not
the approval does that make sense the
connection go for that
like stop looking at approval guys and
if you want more Mel Robbins took that
the top-50 rules video I made I heard
the link is right there next to me I
think you’ll enjoy it continue to
believe and I’ll see you there
our minds are designed to stop you at
all costs from doing anything that might hurt you
for advice remember one thing do it
anyway is a mindset trick that you can
use when you start to feel excuses
rolling up you asked me how do i balance
my passions how do you find the time
because I like you have a million things
going on the key is this need motivation
she’s Mel Robbins and here’s my take on
her top ten rules to success volume 9
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one be responsible for yourself if
you’re going to follow influencers and
you’re going to look to other people for
advice remember one thing would you
actually trade lives with them would you
actually want to do what they’re doing
yeah with their life and if the answer
is yes then listen yes but then always
come back and reflect on whether or not
that advice feels true for you yeah and
adjust it because the things that I’m
saying they work for me and I know they
work for millions of people but they
might not work for you based on your
mental health based on your financial
situation based on what’s going on with
your family the timing might not be
right you might not be mentally capable
of doing these things without
professional help
so you have to be responsible for
yourself yeah that’s the most important
thing about personal development rule
number two
do it anyway do it anyway is a mindset
trick that you can use when you start to
feel excuses rolling up it works a lot
like the five-second rule so you have
said to yourself okay I’m gonna talk to
my boss today about that thing that I’ve
been avoiding talking to them about or
maybe you’ve said something like I’m
gonna go to the gym today or tomorrow or
whatever and then the moment comes where
you’ve got to have that conversation or
the moment comes where it’s time to pack
up your bag and leave your desk and go
to the gym and what always happens you
don’t feel like it I bet there are
plenty of you watching that have made a
commitment that yeah I’m not gonna have
a drink today and then guess what
happens when you get home you don’t feel
like not drinking you feel like having a
drink and so here’s what do it anyway
has done for me the idea that I just do
it anyway
has pushed me to realize and to
recognize that there are a lot of
moments where there are things in my
life that I really want to do I need to
do I should do but when the moment comes
I don’t feel like it and so I pull out
this idea of you know what I’m just
gonna do it anyway it’s raining outside
I said I would go for a short run I
don’t feel like it
I’m gonna do it anyway it’s six o’clock
in the morning I’m tired it’s cold I
laid out my yoga clothes but now I don’t
feel like it what do I do I do it anyway
when you start to say to yourself I’m
gonna do it anyway what happens is
something really cool you acknowledge
that there are feelings that you have
that are trying to swoop in and hijack
you you acknowledge them and you
basically say guess what I’m gonna do it
anyway
rule number three focus yourself the
businesses that were launched by
somebody like you who was working
full-time while launching your business
had a 33% less chance of failing than
the people that quit their jobs and jump
all in and the reason why is you know
how to hedge your bets you’re a little
conservative in terms of the risks that
you’ll take which means over the long
term your business is more likely to
succeed you asked me how do i balance my
passions how do you find the time
because I like you have a million things
going on from being an on-air
commentator to CNN to having an
incredible partnership with Success
Magazine and doing a ton of cool stuff
with them to giving over 80 speeches a
year and running a company and having a
family the key is this you must find 30
minutes before 7:30 in the morning 30
minutes before 7:30 that you take at
home that you take at a coffee shop
where you organize your day and you work
on two things that will push your
business
forward 30 minutes before 7:30 why do
you need to do this well because when
you walk into work your days likely
gonna get hijacked and secondly if you
were to take this time every single
morning and focus yourself you’re now
starting your day having already done
work to advance your business and you’re
walking into your current job knowing
what you need to get done that’s gonna
make you work smarter at work I think a
lot of people that are working a job
full-time and also trying to launch a
business on the side actually have the
time the problem is that you’re not
being rigorous and focused about what
you’re spending it on Leah number 4
follow the energy follow the energy yet
because if my husband hadn’t gotten into
a business school up in Boston I’d still
be in New York City making 19 thousand
dollars a year as it is a legal aid
attorney that’s what I’d be doing
because I loved I loved being a fighter
for people that didn’t have people
fighting for them I loved that and I
still do that today but the people that
I our audience are people who want to do
better it’s people that want to be
happier people that want to do more for
their families people that want to
pursue their dreams and I am fighting
I’m fighting the Bulls for you
yeah I’m fighting yourself doubt I’m
fighting your anxiety and fighting your
excuses I’m fighting the stories that
you’ve had since childhood and I show up
every day to remind you of who you are
right and to remind you that you can do
this if you put in the work and if you
give up your timeline and if you’re good
to people and if you’re positive and if
you cheer for other people and the fact
that our platform has grown so fast and
our engagement is so big makes me better
at what I do because we literally hear
from a thousand people a day who are
either struggling yeah or who have used
some small thing that we’ve said and it
has
their lives or their relationships and
that makes me not feel it is that energy
it gives me energy
thank you it doesn’t go here it goes
here you know what I mean yeah also if
you want to learn how to have confidence
like Mel Robbins and other successful
entrepreneurs check out my 254 series
the link is in the description below if
you didn’t give what anybody else
thought what’s the thing you would love
to be doing with your life I know that
everybody’s problem comes down to one
pattern you’re repeating that you can’t
see you might want to get honest with
yourself like instead of doing this be a
millionaire or do this do you really
because you can make it happen
you actually can look at all the idiots
that are making money you can make money
rule number five master visualization if
you expect to achieve your goals if you
expect to reach your potential if you
expect to have your dreams come true why
do I got to explain to you is mission
critical you must become a master at
visualization now for those of you that
are like what the heck is she talking
about I did not sign up for some sort of
meditation woo spiritual thing here
don’t worry this is Mel Robbins
there’s always science and research
involved in everything that I talk about
so visualization is a extraordinarily
powerful skill and you may have heard of
the law of attraction you may have heard
of the word visualization you may have
heard of the word manifesting I call it
seeing signs so I’m a master at seeing
positive signs I am a master of creating
coincidences I have the world’s most
incredible luck you want to know why
because I understand the science and the
skill of visualization I know that your
brain it is a gigantic detective machine
your brain
is a filter your brain is constantly
looking for evidence and that’s good
news it’s good news when you know how to
use it to your advantage
let me explain so your brain has a
system in it here’s the technical term
it’s called the reticular activating
system it is a network of neurons all up
in here and what is the job of the
reticular activating system it is a
filter system it’s basically a system
that allows certain information in your
brain and it blocks out other
information and guess who programmed
that filter you did and so did the
people from your past and so if you
constantly feel like you’re unlovable
guess what your reticular activating
system is going through the day and it
is going to point out every single piece
of evidence that confirms that negative
belief that you have if your goal is to
improve your self-worth I want you to
visualize what your life looks like and
how you’re going to feel about yourself
when your self-worth has improved here’s
how you’re going to do it so there’s two
things that you have to do when it comes
to visualization you have to close your
eyes truly I know it sounds stupid but I
want you to close your eyes and I want
you to in your mind have a specific
picture of what it looks like in your
life when your self-worth has improved
you’re gonna see yourself speaking up at
work you’re gonna see yourself talking
more about your business you’re gonna
see yourself leaving bad relationships
you’re gonna see yourself defining
boundaries you’re gonna see yourself
going to the gym you’re gonna see
yourself taking care of yourself and
when you start to visualize the image of
that I want you to
consciously this is step to consciously
think of the positive emotions that
you’re gonna feel I’m gonna feel happy
I’m gonna feel proud I’m gonna stand
taller I’m going to be so grateful that
I made this change marrying the the
specific picture or there I am there I
am I’m I’m it I’m at work and I’m
raising my hand amazing I’m sharing my
tea there I am I’m getting a promotion
there I am asking for a raise there I am
I’ve just signed up another customer to
my business there I am I’ve gone back to
school I feel so good about myself when
you do that here’s what’s actually
happening in your brain this is the cool
science part you are training your brain
to have a totally different filter you
see your brain my brain it doesn’t know
the difference between something that
actually happened to you like the f you
got in your test in tenth grade and the
things you imagine that are happening to
you let me say that again your brain
doesn’t know the difference between the
bad things that actually happen to you
the real memories that you have and an
imagined memory that you’re creating
your brain will experience you
visualizing going to the gym you
visualizing how happy you feel when you
do you visualizing asking for that raise
and getting it how proud you’re going to
feel your brain when you visualize in
the way that I’m teaching you to it it
encodes it as a real memory and that’s
important because when you encode it as
a real memory it changes the filter
system that reticular activating system
and here’s what we know based on
research the more you visualize things
number one the greater your confidence
is going to be the greater security
you’re gonna have about it and here’s
the really cool thing the more you do
this with your goals you wake up every
day and you just visualize for it takes
30 freaking seconds for crying out loud
you visualize having a great day at
school you vision
lies curing your panic and how proud
you’re going to be what studies suggest
and have proven is that simply
visualizing yourself doing things
actually develops the skill and helps
you improve the skills just as if you
were actually doing it rule number six
stop complaining Deborah says what about
complaining about things that genuinely
take time to resolve like I’m getting
over being sick let me ask you a
question does complaining about being
sick actually help you get better it’s a
fair question you’re allowed to complain
if it’s productive if it makes you feel
better to go and saying it is helpful
terrific if doing that makes you feel
even worse try not to do it say things
like boy I’m on day three of this I must
be getting better
boy the meds are gonna kick in at any
moment you know when it starts chris is
looking at me like what are you talking
about it’s just somebody mentioned do
thoughts count yes outbound sort of out
outward complaining yeah they’re
complaining in your own mind of course
thoughts count because you know what you
complain about the most yourself your
body your intelligence what you just
said
the fact that you didn’t go to the gym
the fact that you didn’t do what you
said you were gonna do the beating
yourself up as a form of complaining
because you’re expressing
dissatisfaction for yourself
and the problem with all this is that
when you do it habitually or when you
complain as just a default mode and you
don’t realize how much you’re doing it
you’re allowing your mind to filter the
world a certain way and you’re allowing
yourself to live in existence where your
own thoughts are point
this if you feel like hell and you got
the flu and you’ve just thrown up in the
toilet complain all you want vent all
you want you just earned that but at
some point you’re gonna have to stop
feeding the monster and putting poison
in your own mind and you’re gonna have
to teach yourself how to start to find
milestones that are positive so that you
can become healthier so that you can
change how you think rule number seven
do the things that make you happy you
born your home and then we go to
kindergarten and then you go to first
grade and then you go to second grade
and then you go to third grade and then
you get a fourth grade and then you go
to fifth grade and then you go to middle
school and then you go to high school
and then there’s the pressure to go to
college or to a tech school or to do
something else and then you get your job
and then you’re in your job and then you
meet somebody and then you get married
and then you’re supposed to buy the
house and then you’re supposed to have
the kids and maybe you get the dog
before the kids or after the kids but
then you have a second kid and then you
have the 0.5 kid because most of us do
point five kids and then we get and then
we get the the home equity line and then
we put the kitchen Edition on and then
we I mean it’s like our entire lives are
set out in this linear progression as
people chase the dream the next and
particularly for those of us who are
triggered by the fear of losing control
it’s only natural to anchor your feeling
of being in control to chasing the next
thing and so not only are we all
socialized to believe that we’re
supposed to climb this ladder we’re
supposed to do things in a linear
progression we’re supposed to get to the
next thing we’ve also been marketed to
by society that will be happier if we
have a new car we’ll be happier if we
have a better dishwasher we’ll be
happier if we have the skin lotion
that’s got the almond scent and we are
also psychologically anchoring our sense
of control
and our sense of happiness on achieving
those things and what you’re
experiencing is no different than what
millions and millions and millions of us
experience and that’s that emptiness
that you feel when you buy the lotion
that smells like almond butter and it
doesn’t make you happy or you get the
promotion and you have an extra hundred
bucks in your paycheck after taxes and
it means you can buy the 14 dollar
Chardonnay not the ten dollar shortened
Chardonnay and it doesn’t make you happy
and the reason why is the I’ll be happy
when life that chase the carrot life
they get to the next thing life that
form of happiness requires you to be
driving let’s use the car analogy again
to be going 60 miles an hour at all
times
and happiness is achieved through a
different formula it happens when you’re
sitting at the light and you’re idle
when you’re in the moment doing things
that make you happy and that’s being
with people that you care about it’s
engaging in experiences that make you
happy and it’s just working on things
that are important to you rule number
eight learn to deal with negativity
Amanda on YouTube how do I protect
myself from negative people at work
while trying to be positive so I think
about forcefields you there are certain
people in your life that are negative
that you can’t avoid there are probably
people at work just like Amanda has that
are negative that you can’t avoid cuz
you got to work with them there might be
people in your family there might be
people in your household there might be
roommates that you have or people in the
classes that you’re taking that are
negative think about force fields
because energy is contagious just
because somebody else is negative
doesn’t mean you have to let their
negativity seep through into you my
greatest tool in dealing with negative
people is to feel sorry for them I know
it’s a judgy thing to
do but I feel like if I’ve got this
negative person in my life or around me
or at the coffee shop or whatever
isn’t it interesting around negative
people they sort of vibrate this
nastiness and this passive-aggressive
stuff and they’re like body language is
all like look instead of letting that
seep into you what you want to do is get
the force fields up and get yourself
above that person so you can look at
them and basically go whoa I wonder what
happened to that person that would make
them so negative I wonder what that
person’s life or home life is like that
they walk into work and they feel like
this feel sorry for them there’s
something about feeling sorry for
somebody else or asking yourself God
what happened to that person to turn
them into such a negative look and to be
so hurt that kind of perspective
elevates you above the toxicity rule
number nine resolved your inner
conflicts I was struggling with anxiety
I was ridiculously competitive deeply
insecure those three that trifecta is
deadly so very toxic human being and I
think a lot of it was an outgrowth of an
incident when I was in fourth grade and
I was molested by another kid and it was
not as traumatic of an incident as a lot
of people have survived but it what
happened
as I look back I now understand my full
psychology but one of my fundamental
philosophies is that most of us are
dealing with some kind of internal
conflict that we have never resolved
because something happened to us when we
were little yeah
and we did something to survive it and
that survival mechanism mine happened to
be lying but that survival mechanism
worked when you were a kid it worked to
keep you safe it worked to keep your
abusive dad from not screaming at you it
worked to make people like you but as
you got older you never updated that
strategy and so a lot of people that we
serve that I work with whether they are
the CEO of a publicly-traded company or
they are a kid just graduating from high
school or hoping to graduate from high
school the number one thing that most
people are dealing with is they’re
dealing with unresolved internal
conflicts about that happened when they
were a kid and what happened to me when
I was a kid is I had this incident
happened where I was abused by another
kid again not as like scary as what a
lot of people deal with and when I went
downstairs in the morning after it
happened
my mom was standing there and she turned
to me and said oh hi had it just sleep
honey and I saw out of the corner of my
eye that the kid that had done it to me
was sitting at the table and I
immediately said fine and that moment
right there when I said fine I made a
decision not to say what happened
because I didn’t want her to get upset I
didn’t want there to be a scene I didn’t
want to get in trouble I mean this is
like a fourth grader processing
processing yeah
it solidified a a strategy that I used
literally until I was in my mid-30s and
that strategy was don’t tell the truth
assess and say whatever it is that is
going to kind of calm the waters or make
people happy and so I became somebody
that literally was driven by looking
around and making sure everything was
okay and not wanting to upset people and
I was very competitive and outgoing but
it was not the kind of competitive and
outgoing that I am today that’s grounded
in confidence and that’s grounded in my
values it was a competitiveness and an
outgoingness that was based in
insecurity and rule number ten the last
one before very special bonus clip is
have a good morning routine why is the
morning routine so important couple
things
how you wake up has a scientifically
proven impact on your ability to focus
on your happiness and on your
productivity all day the two to three
pieces of it are for me I wake up when
the alarm goes off I then get up and for
the first couple minutes of the day I
plan my day and I have a particular
process that I go through that leverages
something from Harvard Business School
called the progress principle I have a
mindfulness practice that could be
anything that you want it could be
gratitude journaling it could be
meditation it could be five slow deep
breaths it could be taking your your dog
outside for a walk and then on mornings
when I can I have a micro exercise
practice where I do planks for five
minutes or I do something to get my
blood pumping on the mornings that I can
I and I do all that before I ever even
look at my phone because I put myself
and my mindset first deliberately before
I ever allow the world access to my mind
you do not want anybody to have access
to what’s going on up here until you’ve
gotten deliberate about what you’re
thinking about first now I’ve got a
really special bonus tip from Ellen how
to stop living for others that I really
think you’re gonna enjoy but before that
it’s time for the three point landing
questions let’s go from just watching a
video to taking action in your life for
business here we go question number one
what is a great morning routine for you
number two what inner conflict do you
need to resolve today and number three
where do you need to stop complaining we
still own you as parents correct you
live in our house you got to follow our
rules to a certain extent but you have
to also be true to you
and one of the things that can be very
damaging to your friendships and to your
relationships with your parents is if
you’re not open about the things that
you’re thinking about that you’re not
open about the fears that you have if
you’re not open about what you perceive
your parents expectations to be for your
life versus what you want because the
one thing that I know about
entrepreneurs is that we’ve all been
down the road of doing something in our
lives to please other people and usually
it didn’t work and one of the reasons
why we’re driven to do our own thing as
we know what happens when you are able
to align things that you’re passionate
about
with being able to make a living and so
I already know regardless of what your
own opinion is about your parents that
you’re lucky enough to have parents that
get this am i right that what they want
more than any and no what you guys
aren’t raising your hand to back me up
on this you better that what they want
more than anything is for you to be open
with them what parents want more than
anything for their kids is for them to
be happy the conflict comes because we
have an opinion about what we think is
gonna make you happy and what would
really alleviate a lot of the pressure
that you may feel I’m not talking about
you specifically I’m talking about all
kids in general is having the courage to
have the conversation about what you’re
thinking you know like there’s nothing
worse than making decisions because you
think it’s what your parents want and
then you end up resenting them what you
want to do is have the kind of
relationship which you already do
because you’re here where you can talk
to them about the things that you’re
learning about what you’re experiencing
about what you’re afraid of about what
you think you’re interested in about
what they learned about what mistakes
they made you want the conversation not
the approval does that make sense the
connection go for that
like stop looking at approval guys and
if you want more Mel Robbins took that
the top-50 rules video I made I heard
the link is right there next to me I
think you’ll enjoy it continue to
believe and I’ll see you there
our minds are designed to stop you at
all costs from doing anything that might hurt you
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