to take it you have to take it it is
critical critical critical critical what
you need to do is start stretching the
comfort zone stretching what you feel
you are capable of handling so even when
it doesn’t feel good feedback can be a
really really good thing rise and shine
it’s an espresso time what’s up believe
nation it’s Evan my one word is believe
and I believe in you I believe you have
an amazing gift inside you that I want
to see exploded onto the world so let’s
start your day off right together grab
your coffee and sip on today’s message
get feedback over to you Mel Robbins I
gave a speech yesterday in Dallas after
the speech it was a big audience of
people in financial services a guy
dressed to the nines and like one of
these super slick suits comes up to me
he says hey Mel you know really love the
five-second rule do you mind if I give
you some feedback feedback ah don’t you
hate getting feedback and then when
people actually preface it by saying can
I give you some feedback I don’t know
about you but literally my butt’s like
it just cannot and it I immediately go
on edge but here’s the thing about
feedback you have to take it you have to
take it it is critical critical critical
critical so I want to tell you number
one what the guy said to me my reaction
and then I want to give you my
philosophy about feedback because what
the guy said to me was so valuable and
it was also really hard for me to hear
Here I am
after the speech were surrounded by a
big group of people he walks up to me
and says when it’s his turn in the line
can I give you some feedback I
immediately tense up and this is what he
says Mel I love the concept of the
five-second rule super cool idea can’t
wait to try it ok now comes the punch in
the gut he said you called it stupid so
many times during the speech it was
off-putting
doesn’t that sound terrible that word
and he said I could tell that you were
doing
purpose is right in fact you called it
stupid so many times and yet you have
these insanely powerful examples of how
people are using it you came off as
defensive when he said this to me I’m
literally you know how you feel like
you’re shrinking in life or you’re like
standing and your full size and then all
of a sudden somebody says some of you’re
like I just want to disappear right now
and the reason why it was such a zinger
is he was right he was absolutely right
you see I do call the five-second rule
stupid because I’m in front of so many
analytical audiences I’m in front of
skeptics all the time and so I use it as
a pre-emptive way to disappear the
biggest push back on the five-second
rule which is on its face it sounds so
stupid and so simple there’s no way it
could be so powerful the problem is I’ve
gotten lazy and I say it too much he’s a
hundred percent right and by hearing
that feedback I can make a really simple
tweak to my speech I can call it stupid
once or twice in the very beginning and
then I can transition to calling it
something that’s very simple and
powerful now that’s gonna help me reach
more people with the five-second rule
and here’s what I want to say about
feedback feedback is intense to receive
it really is because you are exposing
yourself to critical opinions it will
make you feel very vulnerable the way
that I handle feedback and process it
I’m very clear about the things that I
will receive feedback on and I’m very
clear about the things that I will not
receive feedback on and the reason why
is if you don’t listen to any feedback
at all guys you’re never gonna improve
you’re not gonna ever do anything new so
note feedback means nothing new if you
listen to everything that everybody says
in terms of feedback if you allow
everybody to weigh in on everything it’s
gonna become so paralyzing that you will
do nothing new so the key with feedback
is knowing yourself and knowing what you
actually accept feedback on and knowing
what you don’t accept feedback on some
feedback is super important to have if
you don’t get it you’re never gonna win
to have success as an entrepreneur it
has to be a mix between what you love
doing and what there’s a market for if
you’re only doing something you love but
nobody cares about it you just have a
hobby you need to have that component
where you’re getting feedback from your
audience from your
stammers and that only happens like
putting a product or service out there
and starting to listening to your
customers that that’s how successful
business works but honestly I think you
guys already know that I think you know
the practicality of getting feedback
from your customers I think the
challenge why you’re not listening to
feedback is you have an emotional
connection to it it’s not the logical
practical side it’s the emotional
reaction you have when people are giving
you feedback you look at the case that
Mel Robbins gave hear where she was
speaking at an event that some guy came
up and gave her feedback afterwards that
may happen to you you may have somebody
who very nicely comes along and stands
in lines and waits are turned and asked
for permission right he asked for
permission before giving her feedback
but you’re gonna get a lot of people who
will never do that like that was a that
was a great way to be able to give
feedback right and still there was
resistance from Mel but I think about
forget Mel think about you like how
would you react if somebody came up and
gave you feedback like that if your
reactions I don’t want to hear the
feedback and you can’t handle it when
somebody is being super nice and asking
for permission and super approachable
how are you gonna learn from the real
feedback like if that’s the only way
you’re gonna take feedback to grow
you’re gonna grow super slowly if at all
because somebody might be if you’re
given a speech somebody might be in the
audience throwing tomatoes at you
yelling at you saying things that are
really nasty about you and if all you
hear is the nasty things and you process
it emotionally without hearing like
maybe there’s a reason why they’re
saying this maybe this is feedback that
I can learn from if you can’t learn from
those people – you’re sunk it’s not just
about developing a thicker skin it’s not
just about being a tough person it’s
recognizing that these guys are saying
this for a reason maybe I agree with the
reason or not maybe that’s justified or
not maybe they just hate if somebody’s
yelling at me maybe they just hate me
for some reason right and so there’s no
valid point coming out of them but maybe
there is and I think too often we
dismiss the haters we dismiss the people
who you know crunching our ideas and
tell us why it’s not going to work out
and we just have blinders on where if
you can have the self-awareness to
understand that you know what you just
having an emotional reaction and maybe
by listening to this super negative
person there’s something not all of it
9% of it may be total garbage and you
disagree with it but maybe there’s 1%
that could help you get better and if
you will only learn when somebody’s
super sugarcoats it and walks you by the
hand in the old cross in the street
you’re never gonna get there Kyle sees
has a great expression where you take
the thing that you hate doing you hate
you hate taking this kind of action and
then you say and I love that so feedback
is really rough to receive and I love
that feedback is really intentionally to
handle and I love that so you start
building that muscle and so I think
first yes practically I think most of
you already know that feedback is
important I think adjusting your
emotional mindset around it becomes
critical and I think the best way to do
that is not to read a bunch of books and
how to receive feedback it’s to hang
around people who are living that I get
it through my videos I get it through
this channel all of the people that I
profile are doing lots of crazy things
right groundbreaking best in the world
class things and so alongside that they
get a lot of hate they get a lot of
criticism and don’t listen to the little
man the little man is the hater or
throwing all the things that you and not
paying attention to them and not taking
it emotionally you know we can adjust
that to say maybe they have a little bit
of an outlet point but not taking it
personally I think is really the message
there I think if you can get to do that
and you hang around these people you
watch their videos or you spend more
time with them then it starts to sink in
then that mindset starts to synced
because I guarantee you the people that
you are hanging around right now if
somebody labelled them was something to
somebody to hurled any kind of an insult
they would crumble
they would take it really emotionally
and so they’re not able to take big
feedback and if those are the people
that you’re hanging around constantly
then that’s your mindset too and so I
think the move from the practical
situation to solving the emotional
dilemma it’s to actually hang on people
who don’t care about insults and let it
fly off them and have the capacity to
learn from their haters if that’s your
problem then watch as many videos on a
daily basis as possible until you
inoculate yourself against it and my
last closing thought around this is I
need you to raise your standards
if receiving critical feedback is
something that you can’t handle if
somebody hurling an insult at you
grumbles your entire day how are you
gonna handle the bigger things for your
business for your life
like I think you’re a genius I think all
of you guys I think believe nation you
guys Rock I think each every one of you
are capable of doing amazing things
which you need to do is start stretching
the comfort zone stretching what you
feel you are capable of handling because
of receiving a negative feedback whether
was sugar-coated to you or whether was
really harsh if that is the pinnacle of
what you can hand out right now then how
are you going to be able to handle
bigger things bigger problems real
problems real problems besides some
person in the audience opinion of you
like if you can’t handle that how will
you handle the bigger problems and you
can’t and so you stay stuck here and so
what I want to realize is this thing
doesn’t matter that you were capable of
way more and everything that you say is
a big deal is not a big deal
Mike Rasheed youtuber reminded me of
this in in his workouts whenever he’s
working now even if he’s at the hardest
level like the biggest weights he’s
working out he’s going as hard as he can
he’ll always tell himself this is just a
warm-up the minor wot even he was at his
end this is the warm-up this is the
warm-up is still just a warm-up because
he’s training himself that that this is
a warped because I’m capable of bigger
things maybe not right now but I will
get to bigger things and if you feel
massively overwhelmed by whatever these
little problems are in front of you
because they feel huge then you’re never
going to be able to tackle the bigger
problems and so I try to bring that
approach to whatever massive things in
front of me even if it is the biggest
thing I’ve ever done I’ll remind myself
that this is nothing it’s not a big deal
this is not a huge crisis I’m capable of
doing this and way more now I’ve got a
really special bonus clip for you but
before getting to that I want to know
how do you handle criticism feedback are
there some strategies that you learn
from this video or something that you
want to share for yourself leave it down
in the comments below I really want to
hear from you thank you guys so much for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much loved
I’ll see you again tomorrow morning for
another shot of espresso and enjoy the
unhappy customers not happy customers
you know my happy customers do business
with you it’s an easy call
you’re amazing Patrick we love you
you’re so great you always do this for
us you always do that’s where I learned
you’re just such an amazing person I’m
now learning there I don’t need more
people to just keep telling me how
amazing I am I need people to tell me
these are the three areas that we could
improve it right so I call customers
that weren’t happy I call clients that
weren’t happening I’ve called agents
that weren’t happy I called employees
that won’t happen I said tell me what
happened and they gave me so much data
you have no idea how much data they give
me so much data to the point where I got
obsessed more with those conversations
than the conversations of people that
we’re fully happy and next thing you
know things kept getting better and
better and better I want you to call
three to five unhappy customers and
here’s what the script sounds like hey
John this is Patrick giving you call
Patrick ooh Patrick maybe you and I did
business to get about a year and a half
we’re going to decided to go a different
direction oh hey what’s going on listen
I’m busy well what can I help you with
look John this is I’m not calling to
sell you I’m not calling to get you back
into the business I’m not calling you
resale you up sell you anything like
that I just have one thing one reason
why I’m calling you I am really obsessed
with getting better and you were one of
my favorite customers that I lost and so
I just wanted to call you for you to
tell me what was it that happened for
you to make a decision to go to a
different direction what was it and
there’s two things you’re looking for
one you’re asking was it me was it
something I did or the second thing
you’re asking is was it a part of the
product the part of the product is for
you don’t know what adjustments to
making recommendations to make the next
time depart with you it’s permanent this
is an area where you can figure out a
way to improve yourself your game and
they’ll advance you to the next level so
even when it doesn’t feel good
feedback can be a really really good
thing but first I want us to make a
distinction between feedback and
criticism because I think that’s
important
feedback is the energy or the returned
energy of what’s put out this means that
feedback is information about or
reactions to our state of being and our
performance and our our way of being in
relationship feedback comes to us as a
response or a reaction or sometime as
comments or a review of what we do and
how we show up
at any given moment and feedback has a
purpose the purpose of feedback is to
provide us with guidance or direction
that will serve as the influence for
modification or change in our behavior
and in our energy so in other words
feedback is a cue that’s something we do
or say or how we behave needs to change
that’s all it is now that sounds pretty
harmless but but here comes the
challenge most feedback either feels or
sounds critical which means that it’s
gonna trigger a toxic memory or a
feeling which then motivates us to
discount the feedback we’re receiving
you know we can’t even hear it so so
what is criticism then if feedback is
criticism what is criticism criticism is
feedback that demoralizes condemns
judges or blames it’s feedback that is
consciously or unconsciously offered to
manipulate or control that’s the
difference where feedback is offered to
motivate correction or change criticism
is offered to manipulate and control and
in many many cases while what people
offer as constructive criticism what
they want to give us it actually
criticizes us and that’s what leads to a
mental or emotional shutdown
and we can lose the value of what’s
being offered because criticism is
offering now here’s the good news all
criticism is feedback and here’s the bad
news all criticism is feedback what I
mean is this whether it’s positive or
negative productive or unproductive all
feedback is telling you something you
need to know about yourself and what you
hear and how you hear it has nothing to
do with who’s saying it all feedback is
about who you be and how you be and it’s
bringing that to your awareness there’s
something you need to change beloved
whether it is coming at you from your
mother or your sister or your boss or
your coworker or your partner feedback
is a source of information for self
improvement and it can be received and
used as the foundation for altering and
changing your way of being or specific
course of behavior yeah the most
important work ever if you had to think
of one word that’s most important to you
or that sends you Apple so it would be
like a little beacon hey believe nation
if you want to know what the most
important one word is for Tony Robbins
Gary Vaynerchuk Oprah Winfrey will.i.am
and Howard Schultz I have a very special
secret video for you check the description for details