you want to be a great leader start with
empathy you want to be a great leader
change your perspective and play the
game you’re actually playing so I’m
embarrassed that I have a career I talk
about things like trust and cooperation
and there should be no demand for my
work but the fact of the matter is is
there is demand for my work which means
that there’s an opportunity it means
that trust and cooperation are not yet
standard in our organizations and yet
they should be and we know that which is
why we’re looking for ways to bring
those things to our organizations so I
thought I would do something a little
different today you know when you’re
speaking to tens of thousands of people
and you have the opportunity to share a
message of course most rational people
would say let’s go with something I’ve
talked about lots of times and I’m
really good at but I’m not normal so I’m
gonna do something completely new and I
hope this works out there are two things
that I think that great leaders need to
have empathy and perspective and I think
these things are very often forgotten
leaders are so often so concerned about
their status of their position and
organization they actually forget their
real job and the real job of a leader is
not about being in charge it’s about
taking care of those in our charge and I
don’t think people realize this and I
don’t think people train for this when
we’re junior our only responsibility is
to be good at our jobs that’s all we
really have to do and some people
actually go get advanced education and
so that they can be really good at their
jobs accountants or whatever right and
you show up and you work hard and the
company will give us tons and tons of
training how to do our jobs they’ll show
us how to use the software they’ll send
us away for a few days to get trained in
whatever it is that we’re doing for the
company and then they expect us to go be
good at our jobs and that’s what we do
we work very hard and if you’re good at
your job they’ll promote you and at some
point you’ll get promoted to position
where we’re now responsible for the
people who do the job we used to do but
nobody shows us how to do that
and that’s why we get managers and not
leaders because the reason our managers
are micromanaging us is because they
actually do know how to do the job
better than us that’s what got them
promoted really what we have to do is go
through a transition some people make it
quickly some people make it slowly and
unfortunately some people will never
make that transition at all which is we
have to go this through this transition
of being responsible for the job and
then turning into somebody who’s now
responsible for the people who are
responsible for the job and as I said
before one of the great things that is
lacking in most of our companies is that
they are not teaching us how to lead and
leadership is a skill like any other is
a practice’ balloon able skill and it is
something that you work on it’s like a
muscle if you practice it all the days
you will get good at it and you will get
to become a strong leader if you stop
practicing you will become a weak leader
like parenting everyone has the capacity
to be a parent doesn’t mean everybody
wants to be a parent and doesn’t mean
everybody shouldn’t be a parent
leadership is the same we all have the
capacity to be a leader doesn’t mean
everybody should be a leader and it
doesn’t mean everybody wants to be a
leader and the reason is because it
comes at great personal sacrifice
remember you’re not in charge you’re
responsible for those in your charge
that means things like when everything
goes right you have to give away all the
credit and when everything goes wrong
you have to take all the responsibility
that sucks
right it’s things like staying late to
show somebody what to do it’s things
like when something does actually break
when something goes wrong instead of
yelling and screaming and taking over
you say try again when the overwhelming
pressures are not mmm
the overwhelming pressures are on us at
the end of the day great leaders are not
responsible for the job they’re
responsible for the people who are
responsible for the job they’re not even
responsible for the results I love
talking to CEOs and say what’s your
priority and they put their hands on
their hips all proud and say my priority
is my customer I’m like really
you even talk to a customer in 15 years
there’s no CEO on the planet responsible
for the customer they’re just not
they’re responsible for the people who
responsible for the people who
responsible for the customer I’ll tell
you a true story a few months ago I
stayed at the Four Seasons in Las Vegas
it is a wonderful hotel and the reason
it’s a wonderful hotel is not because of
the fancy beds any hotel can go and buy
a fancy bed
the reason it’s a wonderful hotel is
because of the people who work there
if you walk past somebody at the Four
Seasons in this and they say hello to
you you get the feeling that they
actually wanted to say hello to you it’s
not that somebody told them that you
have to say hello to all the customers
say hello to all the guests but you
actually feel that they care now in
their Lobby they have a coffee stand and
I one afternoon I went to buy a cup of
coffee and there was a barista by the
name of Noah who was serving me Noah was
fantastic he was friendly and fun and he
was engaging with me and I had so much
fun buying a cup of coffee I actually
think I gave a hundred percent tip right
he was wonderful so as is my nature
I asked Noah do you like your job and
without skipping a beat Noah says I love
my job and so I followed up I said what
is it that the four seasons is doing
that would make you say to me I love my
job and without skipping a beat Noah
said throughout the day managers will
walk past me and ask me how I’m doing if
there’s anything that I need to do my
job better he said not just my manager
any manager and then he said something
magical he says I also work at Caesar’s
Palace and Caesars at Caesar’s Palace
the managers are trying to make sure
we’re doing everything right they catch
us when we do things wrong he says when
I go to work there I like to keep my
head under the radar and just get
through the day so I can get my paycheck
he says here at the Four Seasons I feel
I can be myself same person entirely a
different experience from the from the
customer who will engage with Noah so we
in leadership are always criticizing the
people we’re always saying we’ve got to
get the right people
the bus I’ve got to fill my trunk my
team I gotta get the right people but
the reality is it’s not the people it’s
the leadership if we create the right
environment we will get people like Noah
at the four seasons if we create the
wrong environment we will get people
like Noah at Caesar’s Palace it’s not
the people and yet we’re so quick to
hire and fire you can’t hire and fire
your children if there’s if your kids
are struggling we don’t say you got to
see at school you’re up for adoption so
why is it that when somebody has
performance problems at work why is it
that our instinct is to say you’re out
we do not practice empathy
what does empathy look like here’s the
lack of empathy this is normal in our
business world you walk into someone’s
office someone walks into our office and
says your numbers have been down for the
third quarter in a row you have to pick
up your numbers otherwise I can’t
guarantee what the future will look like
how inspired you think that person is to
come to work the next day here’s what
empathy looks like you walk into
someone’s office someone walks into your
office and says your numbers are down
for the third quarter in a row are you
okay
I’m worried about you what’s going on
we all have performance issues maybe
someone’s kid is sick maybe they having
problems in their marriage maybe one of
their parents is dying we don’t know
what’s going on in their lives and of
course it will affect performance at
work empathy is being concerned about
the human being not just their output
and we have to practice empathy and one
of the groups that we are pretty bad at
practicing empathy with is our young
Millennials so let me show you what milk
what empathy looks like listening to
understand trying to understand
someone’s point of view in disposition
at a hundred percent of the talks that I
give are the meetings that I have
invariably someone will raise their hand
and ask about the Millennial problem
apparently this young generation is
unbeatable apparently they have
confounded every single company in every
single industry and so now it’s at the
point where companies have given up and
are now just
asking Millennials what do you want and
so they say we want free food and
beanbags and so now every company has
free food and bean bags and guess what
nothing has changed so what I thought we
would do what I thought I would do is
show you what empathy looks like how do
we practice empathy with someone we
don’t understand how do we practice
empathy with an organization or a group
that we’re struggling with right so we
have to understand that it breaks down
to four things I’ve broken it down into
parenting technology impatience and
environment let’s talk about parenting
first too many Millennials have grown up
subject to what has been described as a
failed parenting strategy too many of
them were told as they were growing up
that they were special that they can
have whatever they want just because
they want it they got medals for coming
in last they got participation medals
right and the science and this is
already good we know that it devalues
the feeling that somebody who works hard
and comes in first place and it actually
makes the person who comes in last
embarrassed because they know they don’t
deserve it so it actually makes them
feel worse it actually doesn’t help
there are a lot of kids who got into
honors classes not because they deserved
it but because their parents complained
and they got A’s nothing because they
earned them but because the teachers
didn’t want to deal with the parents
right then those kids graduate and
though Goodis and they start a job and
in an instant they find out that they’re
not special that you don’t get anything
just cuz you want it you get nothing for
coming in last
and your parents cannot help you get a
promotion and in an instant their entire
self-image is completely shattered in an
instance the way they view themselves
has completely changed turned on its
head and so what you find is that
there’s an entire generation growing up
with lower self-esteem than previous
generations remember they have grown up
in an Instagram Facebook snapchat world
in which they are very very good at
putting filters on everything they’re
very very good
curating how they want to be seen and we
think they’re full of confidence they
seem to have all the answers they seem
to be telling us what to do
at the end of the day it’s just not
there it’s just not true it’s just not
true their confidence is a lot weaker
than before they don’t know where
they’re coming from they don’t know
where they’re going they’re unsure of
themselves and they lack the courage to
ask we say things like my door is always
open
assume assuming that they have the
courage to walk through the door number
one then we add in technology there is a
chemical in our body called dopamine
dopamine is responsible for the feelings
we get when we find something we’re
looking for or we accomplish something
we set out to accomplish you know that
great feeling you get when you cross
something off your to-do list when you
win the game when you hit the target
right when the client get the promotion
whatever it is that elation find your
keys that elation comes from a chemical
in our body called dopamine right now
other substances other things that
release dopamine include alcohol
nicotine gambling they’ll that’s what
makes us feel good when we engage with
those things and it’s the root of a lot
of addiction in fact almost every
alcoholic on the planet discovered
alcohol when they were teenagers
you see when we’re very very young the
only approval we need is approval from
our parents and then as we go through
adolescence we now crave the approval of
our peers very frustrating for our
parents very important for us it allows
us to acculturate outside of our
immediate families into the larger tribe
very very important right it’s a time of
high stress and high anxiety and we’re
supposed to learn to rely on our friends
some people quite by accident discover
alcohol and the numbing effects of
dopamine to help them cope with the
stress and that becomes hardwired and
then for the rest of their lives when
they suffer some kind of extreme stress
they don’t turn to a person they turn to
the bottle right now we also know that
dopamine is released with cell phones
and social media so that Bing Baz
was flash and beep that we get from our
phones that feels so good it releases
dopamine we like getting it yes we all
hate all the emails but we love the Bing
right we’ve all been in this position
you know you’re feeling a little bit
down you’re feeling a little bit sorry
maybe the only a little bit sad and so
what do we do we send out ten texts to
ten friends hi hi hi hi hi and we hope
that they write back because it feels
good right so now we have a young
generation with basically unfettered
access to social media and cell phones
we have age restrictions on alcohol we
have age restrictions on smoking and we
have age restrictions on gambling
we have no age restrictions on this
other dopamine producing device called
social media or cell phones it’s the
equivalent of throwing open the liquor
cabinet and telling our young
adolescents I know this is a stressful
time try the vodka it’ll get you through
these hard times that’s basically what
we’re doing and so what’s happening is
huh it’s becoming hardwired where our
young generation isn’t learning the
coping skills and coping net mechanisms
to turn to another human being when
they’re struggling or stressed they’re
turning to social media or their cell
phones their self-worth sometimes
becomes wrapped up and how many likes
they get they obsessively check how many
likes how many likes how many likes and
actually will get depressed if they
don’t get any you see them going out
with their friends and instead of
connecting with their friends they will
simply sit and talk on the phone let me
show you something that’s really
powerful can I borrow your phone please
there’s one right there in between you
just let me borrow that for a second I’m
asking you to give me somebody else’s
phone you don’t have to turn it on I
just need it thank you so let me show
you this subconscious power of this
device what if I were to hold my phone
while I’m giving this presentation I’m
not checking it it’s not buzzing it’s
not beeping I’m simply holding it do you
feel like you’re the most important
thing to me right now
no you do not and this is an artificial
environment now think about how often
this phone is out while we’re talking to
other people hey boss can I talk to you
sure what’s on your mind as opposed to
sure what’s on your mind
we go out for dinner or lunch with our
family and our friends we have meetings
and we put the phone on the table which
sends a subconscious message to
everybody else in the room that this is
not that important to me you’re not that
important to me and by the way putting
your phone upside down is not more
polite this is this is my favorite one
where the phone rings in the middle of
the dinner in the middle of a lunch in
the middle of a meeting and somebody
goes I’m not gonna answer it oh my god I
just so magnanimous right thank you
right put it away keep it away because
what it does is it actually hurts our
ability to relate to each other now you
look at young kids these days they’re on
them all the time I don’t blame them it
is addiction we yell and scream at them
but we like yelling and screaming and an
alcoholic it doesn’t help the fact that
it’s a chemical addiction right so you
take an insecure generation that now
through no fault of their own struggles
to cope with stress they don’t know how
to cope with and deal with stress and as
they have told me many of them will
admit that they struggle to form deep
meaningful relationships they will admit
that many of their friendships are
superficial right that their friends
they know would cancel on them if they
get a better plan that they wouldn’t
really know who to talk to if their get
depressed and maybe they’ll turn to an
online support group which is not a real
thing it’s not human right
and we’ve seen the impact of us we’re
starting to see rises of depression in
this generation we’re starting to see
rise of suicide in this generation we’re
starting to see a rise of accidental
death due to drug overdose from this
generation universities are currently
dealing with an epidemic that they’ve
never dealt with before which is the
number of kids requesting leaves of
absence due to depression right now
those are all extreme examples the less
extreme and more likely example is that
someone will go through life just never
really finding joy or fulfillment and
everything’s just fine how’s your job
it’s fine how are your friends you know
they’re fine but no joint because you
just cannot because joy fulfillment
comes from this it comes from human
interaction we are social animals and we
need it and we have to learn to rely on
our friends and that skill is
desperately lacking so you add in the
next one impatience this generation is
often accused of being entitled and if
you’ve worked with any of them before
sure seems that way but I would argue
that we’re miss reading the tea leaves
they’re not entitled they’re impatient
again let’s practice empathy how did
they grow up they grew up in a world of
instant gratification you want to buy
something you go on Amazon it shows up
the next day you want to watch a movie
don’t check movie times you just log on
and download it whenever you want to
watch it stream it right you want to
watch a TV show you don’t wait week to
week to week yes finish watch for the
weekend in fact if you want to get hold
of somebody you don’t leave a message on
their machine and wait for hours for
them to get the message and call you
back you just text them and they’ll call
you they’ll get back to literally
instantaneously heck if you want to go
on a date you don’t even have to be like
hey you just swipe right you got a date
never learn the skill set of like what
are you doing right you can have four
dates in the night in other words
everything comes instantaneously they
have falsely applied the instant
gratification model to life fulfillment
and career fulfillment they wanted all
instantaneously the problem is life
relationships career are not
destinations like look I found the job I
love
that’s not how it works it’s not it’s
not a scavenger hunt I’m looking for the
job that will no it doesn’t work that
way it’s a journey it’s a it’s a cut
like it’s the same with love it’s like I
found love no you didn’t you work hard
every single day to stay and love
it’s a journey it’s as if they’re
standing at the foot of a mountain they
know exactly what they want they can see
the summit what they don’t see is the
mountain I talked to some recent college
grads who are in their in their
entry-level jobs on a regular basis and
I’ll ask them things like how’s it going
and they’ll say yeah I think I’m gonna
quit I’m like why they’re like I’m not
making an impact I’m like you know
you’ve been here eight months right and
this is the problem they see it as
destination I’m not making an impact I
hear it all the time
but they don’t even know what that means
impact yes we all want to make an impact
what kind of impact what you want to do
what how you want to contribute to the
world this is what vision is this is
what Y is it’s become generic and
abstract but the problem is is they’re
wafting around they’re looking for the
the right they’ll go from job to job to
job hoping that the next one sticks they
go from relationship to relationship
hoping that the next one is the love
what that I’ve been looking for they
don’t know how to ask for help and their
makes them feel even worse because they
can’t find the thing that they’re
looking for maybe it’s me so if an
insecure generation that doesn’t have
coping mechanisms that wants everything
resolved and resolved now I have a
thought let me just send a text as
opposed to let me wait an hour when I’m
done with lunch with you and then I’ll
send my text for example and then we get
to the fourth and most egregious of the
four observations environment we’re now
taking this wonderful smart idealistic
ambitious hard-working good group of
people that were dealt a bad hand and
we’re putting them in corporate
environments that do not care about them
as human beings right we have for some
reason our work world has changed over
the past 20 and 30 years we are
suffering the side effect of business
theories left over from the 80s and 90s
and they are bad for people and they are
bad for business let me give you an
example the concept of shareholder
supremacy was a theory proposed in the
late 1970s and it was popularized in the
80s and 90s it is now standard form
today you talk to any public company and
you ask them their priority and they say
maximize shareholder value really that’s
like a coach prioritizing the needs of
the fans over the needs of the players
how you gonna build a winning team with
that model but that’s normal today we
don’t even perceive it as broken or
damaged or wrong or outdated remember
the 80s and 90s were boom years with
relative peace and a kinder gentler cold
war nobody was practicing hiding under
their desks in school anymore
we are no longer in those times these
are no longer boom years these are no
longer peaceful times and those models
cannot work today here’s another one
mass layoffs using someone’s livelihood
to balance the books right it’s so
normal in America today that we don’t
even understand how broken and how
damaging it is not only to human beings
but to business you know companies talk
about how they want to build trust in
corporation then they announce a round
of layoffs do you know the quickest way
to destroy trust and destroy cooperation
in a business literally in one day lay
people off and everyone gets scared
right can you imagine sending someone
home to say honey I can no longer
provide for our family because the
company missed its arbitrary projections
this year and forget about the people
who lost their job think about the
people who kept their jobs because every
single decision a company makes as a
piece of communication and the company
cut the company has just communicated to
everybody else this is not a meritocracy
we don’t care how hard you work or how
long you’ve worked here if we miss our
numbers and you happen to fall on the
wrong side of the spreadsheet I’m sorry
we cannot Gary
the employment in other words we come to
work every day afraid and we’re asking
our youngest generation to work in in
environments where how would any of us
ever stand up and admit I made a mistake
we’re custom being told you have to be
vulnerable leaders are vulnerable what
does that even mean it doesn’t mean you
walk around crying I’m vulnerable right
know what vulnerability means is you
create an environment in which someone
feels safe enough to raise their hand
and said I don’t know what I’m doing
you’ve given me a job and I haven’t been
trained to do it I need help I made a
mistake I screwed something up I’m
scared
I’m worried all of these things no one
would ever admit inside a company
because it puts a target on your head in
case there’s another round and so we
keep it to ourselves and how can a
company ever do well if nobody’s ever
willing to admit they made a mistake
that’s scared when they don’t know what
they’re doing and so we’ve literally
created cultures in which every single
day everybody comes to work and light hi
lies hides and fakes and we’re asking
our youngest generation to work and
succeed and find themselves and build
their confidence and overcome their
addiction to technology and build strong
relationships at work we’re asking to do
this and these lis environments we’ve
created we keep saying to them you’re
the future leaders we’re the leaders now
we’re in control what are we doing this
is what empathy means it means if
there’s an entire generation struggling
maybe it’s not them it’s like you know
the only thing that I that the common
factor in all my failed relationships me
same thing well we just can’t get the
right app or you know the right
performance out of our people maybe it’s
you right
it’s not a generation it’s not them
they’re not difficult or hard to
understand they’re human beings like the
rest of us trying to find their way
trying to work in a place where they
feel that someone cares about them as a
human being by the way that’s what we
all want in other words it’s not even
generational it’s all of us this is the
practice of empathy that have wish
struggling to communicate to someone if
it’s struggling to help someone be at
their natural best I’m tired of people
saying to me how do I get the best out
of my people really that’s what you want
there like a towel just Wingham how can
I get the most out of them No how do I
help my people be at their natural best
right we’re not asking these questions
we are not practicing empathy we have to
start by practicing empathy and relate
to what they may be going through and it
will profoundly change the decisions we
make it will profoundly change the way
we see the world someone’s driving to
work you’re driving to work and someone
wants to cut into your lane what do you
do do you pull your car up would you let
them in most of us pull our cars up and
go like this you wait your turn now
let’s practice empathy I don’t know
maybe they’ve been out of work for six
months maybe they had trouble getting
the kids out to school this morning and
now they’re running late for a really
important interview and they just have
to get to this interview and they’re
gonna cut into our lane or maybe they’re
just a bastard I don’t know
but that’s the point we don’t know we
don’t know and the practice of empathy
will say I’ll let them in and I’ll
arrive to work one car lengths late
right we don’t always have to be right
we do always have to be in charge we
don’t have to be the one who succeeds
it’s not about winning or losing and
that’s where I go to the second point
after empathy comes perspective where
it’s not about winning or losing in game
theory there are two kinds of games
there are finite games and there are
infinite games and this is how you’re
gonna change your perspective right a
finite game is defined as known players
fixed rules and an agreed upon objective
baseball for example we know the rules
we all agree to the rules and whoever
has more runs at the end of nine innings
is the winner and the game is over no
one ever says if we can just play two
more innings I know we can come back
doesn’t work that way the game is over
right that’s a finite game then you have
an infinite game infinite games are
defined as known and unknown players the
rules are changeable and the objective
is to keep the game in play to
perpetuate the game when you pit a
finite player versus a finite player the
system is stable
baseball is stable right when you pit an
infant an infinite player versus an
infinite player this system is also
stable like the Cold War for example
because there cannot be a winner and a
loser there are no winners and losers in
an infinite game right it doesn’t exist
and because there are no winners or
losers what ends up happening in the
infinite contest is players drop out
when they run out of the will or the
resources to play but there’s no winners
or losers problems arise when you pit a
finite player versus an infinite player
because if a finite player is playing to
win and an infinite player is to playing
to keep the game going right this is
what happened to us in Vietnam we were
playing to win and the Vietnamese were
fighting for their lives we were the
ones who got stuck in quagmire the
the Soviet Union in Afghanistan they
were trying to beat the Mujahideen and
the Mujahideen would fight for as long
as is necessary
quagmire now let’s look at business the
game of business has pre-existed or has
existed long before every single company
that exists on this planet today and it
will outlast every single company that
it lives that exists on this planet
today there’s no winning the game of
business and the reason is is because we
haven’t agreed to the rules I get such a
kick out of this you realize how many
companies actually don’t know the game
they’re in right listen to the language
of the companies use we’re trying to
beat our competition we’re trying to be
number one did you know that we were
ranked number one look at the listing
based on what criteria revenues profits
market share square footage number of
employees based on what time frame a
quarter a year five years ten years 20
years 50 years 100 years I haven’t
agreed to those standards how can you
declare yourself the winner
how can you declare yourself number one
where no one else in the game has agreed
to the rules it’s arbitrary there is no
winning because there’s no end in other
words companies are playing finite games
listen to their language to try to beat
their competition what does that even
mean it’s the leaders and the companies
that understand the game that they’re in
and organize their resources and their
decision-making around the infinite
contest that outlast and frustrate their
competition all the companies that we’ve
referred to as the exceptions Southwest
Airlines Apple computers harley-davidson
they’re the exception no they’re playing
the infinite contest they frustrate
their competition is what happens that’s
what happens because they’re not playing
to win
Jim Senegal the founder of Costco which
is the company only real company that
gives Walmart a run for its money
he says public companies are looking to
succeed for the quarter says we’re
looking for the next 50 years you can
hear him he’s playing the infinite
contest I spoke at a Leadership Summit
for Microsoft I also spoke at a
Leadership Summit for Apple
now at the Microsoft summit I would say
70% of the executives and this was under
the Steve Ballmer days I would say about
70% of the executives spend about 70% of
their presentations talking about how to
beat Apple at the Apple Summit a hundred
percent of the executives spent a
hundred percent of their presentations
talking about how to help teachers teach
and how to help students learn one was
obsessed with their competition
the other one was obsessed with where
they’re going so at the end of my
presentation at Microsoft they gave me a
gift they gave me the new Zune which was
the competitor to the iPod touch when it
was a thing right and I have to tell you
this piece of technology was spectacular
it was beautiful the user interface was
incredible the design was amazing it was
intuitive it was one of the most
beautiful elegant pieces of technology
I’d ever seen right now.they it didn’t
work with iTunes which is an entirely
different problem I couldn’t use it but
that’s something else I’m sitting in the
back of a taxi with a senior Apple
executive sort of employee number twelve
kind of guy and I decide to stir the pot
and I turned him I say you know I spoke
at a Microsoft summit and they gave me
their new Zune and I have to tell you it
is so much better than your iPod touch
and he turned to me and said I have no
doubt
conversation over because the infinite
player isn’t playing to be number one
every day with every product they’re
playing to outlast the competition if I
had sent to Microsoft oh I’ve got the
new iPod touch it’s so much better than
your new Zune there was a can we see it
what does it do how we have to see it
because one is obsessed with their
competition the other is obsessed with
why they do what they do the other is
obsessed with where they’re going and
the reason Apple frustrates their
competition is because secretly they’re
not even competing against them they’re
competing against themselves and they
understand that sometimes you’re a
little bit ahead sometimes you’re a
little bit behind and sometimes your
product is better and sometimes you’re
not but if you wake up every single
morning and compete against yourself how
do I make our products better than they
were yesterday how do I take care of our
customers better than we did yesterday
how do we advance our cause more
efficiently more productively than we
did yesterday how do we find new
solutions to advance our calling our
cause our purpose our belief are why
every single day what you’ll find is
over time you will probably be ahead
more often those who play the infinite
game understand it’s not about the
battle it’s about the war and they don’t
play to win every day and they frustrate
their competition until their
competition drops out of the game every
single bankruptcy almost every merger
and acquisition is basically a company
saying we no longer have the will or the
resources to continue to play and we
have no choice to either drop out of the
game or merge our resources with another
player so that we can stay in the game
that’s what that is and if you think
about the number of bankruptcies and
mergers and acquisitions it’s kind of
proof that most companies don’t even
know the game they’re in you want to be
a great leader start with empathy you
want to be a great leader change your
perspective and play the game you’re
we play
empathy you want to be a great leader
change your perspective and play the
game you’re actually playing so I’m
embarrassed that I have a career I talk
about things like trust and cooperation
and there should be no demand for my
work but the fact of the matter is is
there is demand for my work which means
that there’s an opportunity it means
that trust and cooperation are not yet
standard in our organizations and yet
they should be and we know that which is
why we’re looking for ways to bring
those things to our organizations so I
thought I would do something a little
different today you know when you’re
speaking to tens of thousands of people
and you have the opportunity to share a
message of course most rational people
would say let’s go with something I’ve
talked about lots of times and I’m
really good at but I’m not normal so I’m
gonna do something completely new and I
hope this works out there are two things
that I think that great leaders need to
have empathy and perspective and I think
these things are very often forgotten
leaders are so often so concerned about
their status of their position and
organization they actually forget their
real job and the real job of a leader is
not about being in charge it’s about
taking care of those in our charge and I
don’t think people realize this and I
don’t think people train for this when
we’re junior our only responsibility is
to be good at our jobs that’s all we
really have to do and some people
actually go get advanced education and
so that they can be really good at their
jobs accountants or whatever right and
you show up and you work hard and the
company will give us tons and tons of
training how to do our jobs they’ll show
us how to use the software they’ll send
us away for a few days to get trained in
whatever it is that we’re doing for the
company and then they expect us to go be
good at our jobs and that’s what we do
we work very hard and if you’re good at
your job they’ll promote you and at some
point you’ll get promoted to position
where we’re now responsible for the
people who do the job we used to do but
nobody shows us how to do that
and that’s why we get managers and not
leaders because the reason our managers
are micromanaging us is because they
actually do know how to do the job
better than us that’s what got them
promoted really what we have to do is go
through a transition some people make it
quickly some people make it slowly and
unfortunately some people will never
make that transition at all which is we
have to go this through this transition
of being responsible for the job and
then turning into somebody who’s now
responsible for the people who are
responsible for the job and as I said
before one of the great things that is
lacking in most of our companies is that
they are not teaching us how to lead and
leadership is a skill like any other is
a practice’ balloon able skill and it is
something that you work on it’s like a
muscle if you practice it all the days
you will get good at it and you will get
to become a strong leader if you stop
practicing you will become a weak leader
like parenting everyone has the capacity
to be a parent doesn’t mean everybody
wants to be a parent and doesn’t mean
everybody shouldn’t be a parent
leadership is the same we all have the
capacity to be a leader doesn’t mean
everybody should be a leader and it
doesn’t mean everybody wants to be a
leader and the reason is because it
comes at great personal sacrifice
remember you’re not in charge you’re
responsible for those in your charge
that means things like when everything
goes right you have to give away all the
credit and when everything goes wrong
you have to take all the responsibility
that sucks
right it’s things like staying late to
show somebody what to do it’s things
like when something does actually break
when something goes wrong instead of
yelling and screaming and taking over
you say try again when the overwhelming
pressures are not mmm
the overwhelming pressures are on us at
the end of the day great leaders are not
responsible for the job they’re
responsible for the people who are
responsible for the job they’re not even
responsible for the results I love
talking to CEOs and say what’s your
priority and they put their hands on
their hips all proud and say my priority
is my customer I’m like really
you even talk to a customer in 15 years
there’s no CEO on the planet responsible
for the customer they’re just not
they’re responsible for the people who
responsible for the people who
responsible for the customer I’ll tell
you a true story a few months ago I
stayed at the Four Seasons in Las Vegas
it is a wonderful hotel and the reason
it’s a wonderful hotel is not because of
the fancy beds any hotel can go and buy
a fancy bed
the reason it’s a wonderful hotel is
because of the people who work there
if you walk past somebody at the Four
Seasons in this and they say hello to
you you get the feeling that they
actually wanted to say hello to you it’s
not that somebody told them that you
have to say hello to all the customers
say hello to all the guests but you
actually feel that they care now in
their Lobby they have a coffee stand and
I one afternoon I went to buy a cup of
coffee and there was a barista by the
name of Noah who was serving me Noah was
fantastic he was friendly and fun and he
was engaging with me and I had so much
fun buying a cup of coffee I actually
think I gave a hundred percent tip right
he was wonderful so as is my nature
I asked Noah do you like your job and
without skipping a beat Noah says I love
my job and so I followed up I said what
is it that the four seasons is doing
that would make you say to me I love my
job and without skipping a beat Noah
said throughout the day managers will
walk past me and ask me how I’m doing if
there’s anything that I need to do my
job better he said not just my manager
any manager and then he said something
magical he says I also work at Caesar’s
Palace and Caesars at Caesar’s Palace
the managers are trying to make sure
we’re doing everything right they catch
us when we do things wrong he says when
I go to work there I like to keep my
head under the radar and just get
through the day so I can get my paycheck
he says here at the Four Seasons I feel
I can be myself same person entirely a
different experience from the from the
customer who will engage with Noah so we
in leadership are always criticizing the
people we’re always saying we’ve got to
get the right people
the bus I’ve got to fill my trunk my
team I gotta get the right people but
the reality is it’s not the people it’s
the leadership if we create the right
environment we will get people like Noah
at the four seasons if we create the
wrong environment we will get people
like Noah at Caesar’s Palace it’s not
the people and yet we’re so quick to
hire and fire you can’t hire and fire
your children if there’s if your kids
are struggling we don’t say you got to
see at school you’re up for adoption so
why is it that when somebody has
performance problems at work why is it
that our instinct is to say you’re out
we do not practice empathy
what does empathy look like here’s the
lack of empathy this is normal in our
business world you walk into someone’s
office someone walks into our office and
says your numbers have been down for the
third quarter in a row you have to pick
up your numbers otherwise I can’t
guarantee what the future will look like
how inspired you think that person is to
come to work the next day here’s what
empathy looks like you walk into
someone’s office someone walks into your
office and says your numbers are down
for the third quarter in a row are you
okay
I’m worried about you what’s going on
we all have performance issues maybe
someone’s kid is sick maybe they having
problems in their marriage maybe one of
their parents is dying we don’t know
what’s going on in their lives and of
course it will affect performance at
work empathy is being concerned about
the human being not just their output
and we have to practice empathy and one
of the groups that we are pretty bad at
practicing empathy with is our young
Millennials so let me show you what milk
what empathy looks like listening to
understand trying to understand
someone’s point of view in disposition
at a hundred percent of the talks that I
give are the meetings that I have
invariably someone will raise their hand
and ask about the Millennial problem
apparently this young generation is
unbeatable apparently they have
confounded every single company in every
single industry and so now it’s at the
point where companies have given up and
are now just
asking Millennials what do you want and
so they say we want free food and
beanbags and so now every company has
free food and bean bags and guess what
nothing has changed so what I thought we
would do what I thought I would do is
show you what empathy looks like how do
we practice empathy with someone we
don’t understand how do we practice
empathy with an organization or a group
that we’re struggling with right so we
have to understand that it breaks down
to four things I’ve broken it down into
parenting technology impatience and
environment let’s talk about parenting
first too many Millennials have grown up
subject to what has been described as a
failed parenting strategy too many of
them were told as they were growing up
that they were special that they can
have whatever they want just because
they want it they got medals for coming
in last they got participation medals
right and the science and this is
already good we know that it devalues
the feeling that somebody who works hard
and comes in first place and it actually
makes the person who comes in last
embarrassed because they know they don’t
deserve it so it actually makes them
feel worse it actually doesn’t help
there are a lot of kids who got into
honors classes not because they deserved
it but because their parents complained
and they got A’s nothing because they
earned them but because the teachers
didn’t want to deal with the parents
right then those kids graduate and
though Goodis and they start a job and
in an instant they find out that they’re
not special that you don’t get anything
just cuz you want it you get nothing for
coming in last
and your parents cannot help you get a
promotion and in an instant their entire
self-image is completely shattered in an
instance the way they view themselves
has completely changed turned on its
head and so what you find is that
there’s an entire generation growing up
with lower self-esteem than previous
generations remember they have grown up
in an Instagram Facebook snapchat world
in which they are very very good at
putting filters on everything they’re
very very good
curating how they want to be seen and we
think they’re full of confidence they
seem to have all the answers they seem
to be telling us what to do
at the end of the day it’s just not
there it’s just not true it’s just not
true their confidence is a lot weaker
than before they don’t know where
they’re coming from they don’t know
where they’re going they’re unsure of
themselves and they lack the courage to
ask we say things like my door is always
open
assume assuming that they have the
courage to walk through the door number
one then we add in technology there is a
chemical in our body called dopamine
dopamine is responsible for the feelings
we get when we find something we’re
looking for or we accomplish something
we set out to accomplish you know that
great feeling you get when you cross
something off your to-do list when you
win the game when you hit the target
right when the client get the promotion
whatever it is that elation find your
keys that elation comes from a chemical
in our body called dopamine right now
other substances other things that
release dopamine include alcohol
nicotine gambling they’ll that’s what
makes us feel good when we engage with
those things and it’s the root of a lot
of addiction in fact almost every
alcoholic on the planet discovered
alcohol when they were teenagers
you see when we’re very very young the
only approval we need is approval from
our parents and then as we go through
adolescence we now crave the approval of
our peers very frustrating for our
parents very important for us it allows
us to acculturate outside of our
immediate families into the larger tribe
very very important right it’s a time of
high stress and high anxiety and we’re
supposed to learn to rely on our friends
some people quite by accident discover
alcohol and the numbing effects of
dopamine to help them cope with the
stress and that becomes hardwired and
then for the rest of their lives when
they suffer some kind of extreme stress
they don’t turn to a person they turn to
the bottle right now we also know that
dopamine is released with cell phones
and social media so that Bing Baz
was flash and beep that we get from our
phones that feels so good it releases
dopamine we like getting it yes we all
hate all the emails but we love the Bing
right we’ve all been in this position
you know you’re feeling a little bit
down you’re feeling a little bit sorry
maybe the only a little bit sad and so
what do we do we send out ten texts to
ten friends hi hi hi hi hi and we hope
that they write back because it feels
good right so now we have a young
generation with basically unfettered
access to social media and cell phones
we have age restrictions on alcohol we
have age restrictions on smoking and we
have age restrictions on gambling
we have no age restrictions on this
other dopamine producing device called
social media or cell phones it’s the
equivalent of throwing open the liquor
cabinet and telling our young
adolescents I know this is a stressful
time try the vodka it’ll get you through
these hard times that’s basically what
we’re doing and so what’s happening is
huh it’s becoming hardwired where our
young generation isn’t learning the
coping skills and coping net mechanisms
to turn to another human being when
they’re struggling or stressed they’re
turning to social media or their cell
phones their self-worth sometimes
becomes wrapped up and how many likes
they get they obsessively check how many
likes how many likes how many likes and
actually will get depressed if they
don’t get any you see them going out
with their friends and instead of
connecting with their friends they will
simply sit and talk on the phone let me
show you something that’s really
powerful can I borrow your phone please
there’s one right there in between you
just let me borrow that for a second I’m
asking you to give me somebody else’s
phone you don’t have to turn it on I
just need it thank you so let me show
you this subconscious power of this
device what if I were to hold my phone
while I’m giving this presentation I’m
not checking it it’s not buzzing it’s
not beeping I’m simply holding it do you
feel like you’re the most important
thing to me right now
no you do not and this is an artificial
environment now think about how often
this phone is out while we’re talking to
other people hey boss can I talk to you
sure what’s on your mind as opposed to
sure what’s on your mind
we go out for dinner or lunch with our
family and our friends we have meetings
and we put the phone on the table which
sends a subconscious message to
everybody else in the room that this is
not that important to me you’re not that
important to me and by the way putting
your phone upside down is not more
polite this is this is my favorite one
where the phone rings in the middle of
the dinner in the middle of a lunch in
the middle of a meeting and somebody
goes I’m not gonna answer it oh my god I
just so magnanimous right thank you
right put it away keep it away because
what it does is it actually hurts our
ability to relate to each other now you
look at young kids these days they’re on
them all the time I don’t blame them it
is addiction we yell and scream at them
but we like yelling and screaming and an
alcoholic it doesn’t help the fact that
it’s a chemical addiction right so you
take an insecure generation that now
through no fault of their own struggles
to cope with stress they don’t know how
to cope with and deal with stress and as
they have told me many of them will
admit that they struggle to form deep
meaningful relationships they will admit
that many of their friendships are
superficial right that their friends
they know would cancel on them if they
get a better plan that they wouldn’t
really know who to talk to if their get
depressed and maybe they’ll turn to an
online support group which is not a real
thing it’s not human right
and we’ve seen the impact of us we’re
starting to see rises of depression in
this generation we’re starting to see
rise of suicide in this generation we’re
starting to see a rise of accidental
death due to drug overdose from this
generation universities are currently
dealing with an epidemic that they’ve
never dealt with before which is the
number of kids requesting leaves of
absence due to depression right now
those are all extreme examples the less
extreme and more likely example is that
someone will go through life just never
really finding joy or fulfillment and
everything’s just fine how’s your job
it’s fine how are your friends you know
they’re fine but no joint because you
just cannot because joy fulfillment
comes from this it comes from human
interaction we are social animals and we
need it and we have to learn to rely on
our friends and that skill is
desperately lacking so you add in the
next one impatience this generation is
often accused of being entitled and if
you’ve worked with any of them before
sure seems that way but I would argue
that we’re miss reading the tea leaves
they’re not entitled they’re impatient
again let’s practice empathy how did
they grow up they grew up in a world of
instant gratification you want to buy
something you go on Amazon it shows up
the next day you want to watch a movie
don’t check movie times you just log on
and download it whenever you want to
watch it stream it right you want to
watch a TV show you don’t wait week to
week to week yes finish watch for the
weekend in fact if you want to get hold
of somebody you don’t leave a message on
their machine and wait for hours for
them to get the message and call you
back you just text them and they’ll call
you they’ll get back to literally
instantaneously heck if you want to go
on a date you don’t even have to be like
hey you just swipe right you got a date
never learn the skill set of like what
are you doing right you can have four
dates in the night in other words
everything comes instantaneously they
have falsely applied the instant
gratification model to life fulfillment
and career fulfillment they wanted all
instantaneously the problem is life
relationships career are not
destinations like look I found the job I
love
that’s not how it works it’s not it’s
not a scavenger hunt I’m looking for the
job that will no it doesn’t work that
way it’s a journey it’s a it’s a cut
like it’s the same with love it’s like I
found love no you didn’t you work hard
every single day to stay and love
it’s a journey it’s as if they’re
standing at the foot of a mountain they
know exactly what they want they can see
the summit what they don’t see is the
mountain I talked to some recent college
grads who are in their in their
entry-level jobs on a regular basis and
I’ll ask them things like how’s it going
and they’ll say yeah I think I’m gonna
quit I’m like why they’re like I’m not
making an impact I’m like you know
you’ve been here eight months right and
this is the problem they see it as
destination I’m not making an impact I
hear it all the time
but they don’t even know what that means
impact yes we all want to make an impact
what kind of impact what you want to do
what how you want to contribute to the
world this is what vision is this is
what Y is it’s become generic and
abstract but the problem is is they’re
wafting around they’re looking for the
the right they’ll go from job to job to
job hoping that the next one sticks they
go from relationship to relationship
hoping that the next one is the love
what that I’ve been looking for they
don’t know how to ask for help and their
makes them feel even worse because they
can’t find the thing that they’re
looking for maybe it’s me so if an
insecure generation that doesn’t have
coping mechanisms that wants everything
resolved and resolved now I have a
thought let me just send a text as
opposed to let me wait an hour when I’m
done with lunch with you and then I’ll
send my text for example and then we get
to the fourth and most egregious of the
four observations environment we’re now
taking this wonderful smart idealistic
ambitious hard-working good group of
people that were dealt a bad hand and
we’re putting them in corporate
environments that do not care about them
as human beings right we have for some
reason our work world has changed over
the past 20 and 30 years we are
suffering the side effect of business
theories left over from the 80s and 90s
and they are bad for people and they are
bad for business let me give you an
example the concept of shareholder
supremacy was a theory proposed in the
late 1970s and it was popularized in the
80s and 90s it is now standard form
today you talk to any public company and
you ask them their priority and they say
maximize shareholder value really that’s
like a coach prioritizing the needs of
the fans over the needs of the players
how you gonna build a winning team with
that model but that’s normal today we
don’t even perceive it as broken or
damaged or wrong or outdated remember
the 80s and 90s were boom years with
relative peace and a kinder gentler cold
war nobody was practicing hiding under
their desks in school anymore
we are no longer in those times these
are no longer boom years these are no
longer peaceful times and those models
cannot work today here’s another one
mass layoffs using someone’s livelihood
to balance the books right it’s so
normal in America today that we don’t
even understand how broken and how
damaging it is not only to human beings
but to business you know companies talk
about how they want to build trust in
corporation then they announce a round
of layoffs do you know the quickest way
to destroy trust and destroy cooperation
in a business literally in one day lay
people off and everyone gets scared
right can you imagine sending someone
home to say honey I can no longer
provide for our family because the
company missed its arbitrary projections
this year and forget about the people
who lost their job think about the
people who kept their jobs because every
single decision a company makes as a
piece of communication and the company
cut the company has just communicated to
everybody else this is not a meritocracy
we don’t care how hard you work or how
long you’ve worked here if we miss our
numbers and you happen to fall on the
wrong side of the spreadsheet I’m sorry
we cannot Gary
the employment in other words we come to
work every day afraid and we’re asking
our youngest generation to work in in
environments where how would any of us
ever stand up and admit I made a mistake
we’re custom being told you have to be
vulnerable leaders are vulnerable what
does that even mean it doesn’t mean you
walk around crying I’m vulnerable right
know what vulnerability means is you
create an environment in which someone
feels safe enough to raise their hand
and said I don’t know what I’m doing
you’ve given me a job and I haven’t been
trained to do it I need help I made a
mistake I screwed something up I’m
scared
I’m worried all of these things no one
would ever admit inside a company
because it puts a target on your head in
case there’s another round and so we
keep it to ourselves and how can a
company ever do well if nobody’s ever
willing to admit they made a mistake
that’s scared when they don’t know what
they’re doing and so we’ve literally
created cultures in which every single
day everybody comes to work and light hi
lies hides and fakes and we’re asking
our youngest generation to work and
succeed and find themselves and build
their confidence and overcome their
addiction to technology and build strong
relationships at work we’re asking to do
this and these lis environments we’ve
created we keep saying to them you’re
the future leaders we’re the leaders now
we’re in control what are we doing this
is what empathy means it means if
there’s an entire generation struggling
maybe it’s not them it’s like you know
the only thing that I that the common
factor in all my failed relationships me
same thing well we just can’t get the
right app or you know the right
performance out of our people maybe it’s
you right
it’s not a generation it’s not them
they’re not difficult or hard to
understand they’re human beings like the
rest of us trying to find their way
trying to work in a place where they
feel that someone cares about them as a
human being by the way that’s what we
all want in other words it’s not even
generational it’s all of us this is the
practice of empathy that have wish
struggling to communicate to someone if
it’s struggling to help someone be at
their natural best I’m tired of people
saying to me how do I get the best out
of my people really that’s what you want
there like a towel just Wingham how can
I get the most out of them No how do I
help my people be at their natural best
right we’re not asking these questions
we are not practicing empathy we have to
start by practicing empathy and relate
to what they may be going through and it
will profoundly change the decisions we
make it will profoundly change the way
we see the world someone’s driving to
work you’re driving to work and someone
wants to cut into your lane what do you
do do you pull your car up would you let
them in most of us pull our cars up and
go like this you wait your turn now
let’s practice empathy I don’t know
maybe they’ve been out of work for six
months maybe they had trouble getting
the kids out to school this morning and
now they’re running late for a really
important interview and they just have
to get to this interview and they’re
gonna cut into our lane or maybe they’re
just a bastard I don’t know
but that’s the point we don’t know we
don’t know and the practice of empathy
will say I’ll let them in and I’ll
arrive to work one car lengths late
right we don’t always have to be right
we do always have to be in charge we
don’t have to be the one who succeeds
it’s not about winning or losing and
that’s where I go to the second point
after empathy comes perspective where
it’s not about winning or losing in game
theory there are two kinds of games
there are finite games and there are
infinite games and this is how you’re
gonna change your perspective right a
finite game is defined as known players
fixed rules and an agreed upon objective
baseball for example we know the rules
we all agree to the rules and whoever
has more runs at the end of nine innings
is the winner and the game is over no
one ever says if we can just play two
more innings I know we can come back
doesn’t work that way the game is over
right that’s a finite game then you have
an infinite game infinite games are
defined as known and unknown players the
rules are changeable and the objective
is to keep the game in play to
perpetuate the game when you pit a
finite player versus a finite player the
system is stable
baseball is stable right when you pit an
infant an infinite player versus an
infinite player this system is also
stable like the Cold War for example
because there cannot be a winner and a
loser there are no winners and losers in
an infinite game right it doesn’t exist
and because there are no winners or
losers what ends up happening in the
infinite contest is players drop out
when they run out of the will or the
resources to play but there’s no winners
or losers problems arise when you pit a
finite player versus an infinite player
because if a finite player is playing to
win and an infinite player is to playing
to keep the game going right this is
what happened to us in Vietnam we were
playing to win and the Vietnamese were
fighting for their lives we were the
ones who got stuck in quagmire the
the Soviet Union in Afghanistan they
were trying to beat the Mujahideen and
the Mujahideen would fight for as long
as is necessary
quagmire now let’s look at business the
game of business has pre-existed or has
existed long before every single company
that exists on this planet today and it
will outlast every single company that
it lives that exists on this planet
today there’s no winning the game of
business and the reason is is because we
haven’t agreed to the rules I get such a
kick out of this you realize how many
companies actually don’t know the game
they’re in right listen to the language
of the companies use we’re trying to
beat our competition we’re trying to be
number one did you know that we were
ranked number one look at the listing
based on what criteria revenues profits
market share square footage number of
employees based on what time frame a
quarter a year five years ten years 20
years 50 years 100 years I haven’t
agreed to those standards how can you
declare yourself the winner
how can you declare yourself number one
where no one else in the game has agreed
to the rules it’s arbitrary there is no
winning because there’s no end in other
words companies are playing finite games
listen to their language to try to beat
their competition what does that even
mean it’s the leaders and the companies
that understand the game that they’re in
and organize their resources and their
decision-making around the infinite
contest that outlast and frustrate their
competition all the companies that we’ve
referred to as the exceptions Southwest
Airlines Apple computers harley-davidson
they’re the exception no they’re playing
the infinite contest they frustrate
their competition is what happens that’s
what happens because they’re not playing
to win
Jim Senegal the founder of Costco which
is the company only real company that
gives Walmart a run for its money
he says public companies are looking to
succeed for the quarter says we’re
looking for the next 50 years you can
hear him he’s playing the infinite
contest I spoke at a Leadership Summit
for Microsoft I also spoke at a
Leadership Summit for Apple
now at the Microsoft summit I would say
70% of the executives and this was under
the Steve Ballmer days I would say about
70% of the executives spend about 70% of
their presentations talking about how to
beat Apple at the Apple Summit a hundred
percent of the executives spent a
hundred percent of their presentations
talking about how to help teachers teach
and how to help students learn one was
obsessed with their competition
the other one was obsessed with where
they’re going so at the end of my
presentation at Microsoft they gave me a
gift they gave me the new Zune which was
the competitor to the iPod touch when it
was a thing right and I have to tell you
this piece of technology was spectacular
it was beautiful the user interface was
incredible the design was amazing it was
intuitive it was one of the most
beautiful elegant pieces of technology
I’d ever seen right now.they it didn’t
work with iTunes which is an entirely
different problem I couldn’t use it but
that’s something else I’m sitting in the
back of a taxi with a senior Apple
executive sort of employee number twelve
kind of guy and I decide to stir the pot
and I turned him I say you know I spoke
at a Microsoft summit and they gave me
their new Zune and I have to tell you it
is so much better than your iPod touch
and he turned to me and said I have no
doubt
conversation over because the infinite
player isn’t playing to be number one
every day with every product they’re
playing to outlast the competition if I
had sent to Microsoft oh I’ve got the
new iPod touch it’s so much better than
your new Zune there was a can we see it
what does it do how we have to see it
because one is obsessed with their
competition the other is obsessed with
why they do what they do the other is
obsessed with where they’re going and
the reason Apple frustrates their
competition is because secretly they’re
not even competing against them they’re
competing against themselves and they
understand that sometimes you’re a
little bit ahead sometimes you’re a
little bit behind and sometimes your
product is better and sometimes you’re
not but if you wake up every single
morning and compete against yourself how
do I make our products better than they
were yesterday how do I take care of our
customers better than we did yesterday
how do we advance our cause more
efficiently more productively than we
did yesterday how do we find new
solutions to advance our calling our
cause our purpose our belief are why
every single day what you’ll find is
over time you will probably be ahead
more often those who play the infinite
game understand it’s not about the
battle it’s about the war and they don’t
play to win every day and they frustrate
their competition until their
competition drops out of the game every
single bankruptcy almost every merger
and acquisition is basically a company
saying we no longer have the will or the
resources to continue to play and we
have no choice to either drop out of the
game or merge our resources with another
player so that we can stay in the game
that’s what that is and if you think
about the number of bankruptcies and
mergers and acquisitions it’s kind of
proof that most companies don’t even
know the game they’re in you want to be
a great leader start with empathy you
want to be a great leader change your
perspective and play the game you’re
we play
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