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THIS is the BIGGEST LIE About Confidence! | Mel Robbins (@melrobbins)


we’ve all bought into a lie we’ve bought
into a lie that confidence is belief in
self so I’m gonna give you the three
step process to stop sabotaging yourself
and do step from self doubt into self
belief and action I think we have to do
everything in our power to protect our
confidence rise and shine it’s an
espresso time what’s that belief nation
it’s Evan I believe in you and this
channel is designed to be a part of your
daily success routine so let’s start
your day off right together grab your
over to you Mel Robbins also if you want
to know what Mel and other successful
entrepreneurs have to say about building
unstoppable confidence check out my 250
for confidence series where every day
for the next 254 days I will send you a
morning video for free to help you build
your confidence the link to join is in
the description below everybody’s
problem comes down to one pattern you’re
repeating that you can’t see when you
set goals when you have an intention on
something that you want to change about
your life your brain helps you and if
you’re somebody that’s watching this and
you have no clue what you want I’m gonna
say that’s total bull
I’ve always been very scared
and lack of confidence and thought that
I was never good enough flex some of my
partners we’ve all bought into a lie
we’ve bought into a lie that confidence
is belief in self and so when you’re in
a situation which is normal where you
don’t believe in yourself you’re like oh
my god I have no confidence the truth is
and I want you to walk out of here with
a new definition of confidence
confidence is the willingness to try
because when you try and you take action
what happens and what’s happened for
France is that when she sees herself
taking action what happens is she sees
herself being the kind of person that
takes action so she has evidence that
she can rely on herself
and that action is what builds
confidence it doesn’t start with belief
the real way the real way for most of us
is not to wait to believe but to push
ourself to act and through the action
you will build the belief self
confidence comes from doing difficult
things when you face adversity and you
tell yourself it’s too difficult you
lose self confidence when you face
adversity and you push through it you
act you go forward you build
self-confidence most people won’t do
difficult things because your identity
is tied to the results you only feel
good about yourself when you win and so
you’ll only do things where there’s a
fairly high percent chance of you
actually winning and so that leads to
you playing small forever and always
doubting yourself you know you’re
capable of more but you’re afraid to
fail the trick to playing a bigger game
and building real self confidence is
feeling good about yourself when you try
not when you win celebrate the effort
not the results because you likely won’t
get immediate results at the beginning
especially if you’re doing difficult
things but if you tie your self-esteem
to your effort and you keep putting in
the effort you will get results to do
the difficult things you need to respect
your effort more than winning so if
you’re ready to kick self-doubt out of
your life for good and build unstoppable
confidence
give me an I’m ready in the comments
below my biggest fear is around
disappointing people I hate the idea of
letting somebody down and so it used to
prevent me from taking action because I
would be so paralyzed by fear of letting
that person down that I would secretly
hope that they would cancel on me I
remember when I booked my trip to Brunei
I was invited to do a keynote speech in
Brunei to help their young entrepreneurs
there and I agreed to add months in
advance and then as we started getting
closer to it I started having mini panic
attacks like oh my god it’s coming up oh
my god it’s good why did I say yes to
this
I hope they can’t say I hope they can’t
so I’ll be checking my email three five
eight times a day expecting the sorry
Evan it’s over it’s not happening you
know we’re not we’ll still pay you or we
won’t pay you doesn’t matter but you
don’t become anymore it’s like yeah you
know I’m waiting for an email and it
never came so I had to go and that’s not
just for the big things like okay that
makes sense it’s in Brunei different
country never been there it’s on
national TV it’s a big deal you get in
pay a lot of money to go there great it
makes sense you’re scared of that I’d be
afraid even on a small micro level
I remember being afraid of meeting
entrepreneurs and coffee shops and it
was one woman in particular that this
really sparked a change for me there’s
one woman who I agreed to meet at a
coffee shop she was pure startup mode
and I remember just before the meeting
checking my email same thing I’d be
checking my email a couple times before
waiting for her to cancel and me waiting
for her to say I can’t make it I’m
delayed it’s not gonna work and and be a
bit yes no problem I can go off and do
something else it never came right she
never cancelled on me and so because I
was worried about letting her down I
stayed what half I would go to the
meeting I wouldn’t cancel myself and I
would not show up because that’s the
ultimate letting her down so I still had
to go and it ended up being such a great
conversation and I remember sitting in
the car afterwards and I’m about to come
home and
I just had this fantastic conversation
with this beautiful person and was able
to help her was able to shift her
business was able to give her a
perspective that she wasn’t thinking
about before was able to inject her with
believe that she was off now building a
better business for herself and I made
that happen in in a really short amount
of time and this was what made me feel
the best helping people get to where
they need to go is the thing that fills
me up the most more than making videos
this is the thing that fills me up the
most and I almost wish that it didn’t
happen right like ah I wish that it
didn’t happen I was waiting for her to
cancel on me and I remember having his
moment sit in the cars like what am i
doing
why am I so afraid of this thing the
thing that I love doing the most is the
thing that makes me the most fearful and
I almost habit osh myself and so from
that moment I decided that I need to tie
my my self-worth my actions my
confidence to the doing that it may not
work out that chances are it’s gonna
work out but I may not work out and
that’s okay that I need to show up that
I need to push through because the only
way to actually then gain your self
confidence to gain more respect for
yourself is by doing the difficult
things whether it works out or not so
I’m gonna give you the three step
process to stop sabotaging yourself and
do step from self doubt into self belief
and action step number one is catch your
autopilot
I believe we play small by default I
believe that your fears your
insecurities are so deep inside you that
you don’t even notice them manifesting
in your day-to-day life so that
conversation had with the woman where I
sat in the car afterwards and realized
man like I almost wanted this not to
happen and it was such a great
conversation how many other
conversations had I done that too
without even noticing right that was the
one that I finally put on my radar but
chances are I’ve done that with
everybody that been my pattern for who
knows how many years and so you want to
catch your autopilot you don’t want this
fear to run your life forever and so
whenever you feel yourself feeling fear
and whenever you find yourself coming up
with a logical reason right there’s a
logical reason why I can’t do it I’m too
busy you know all the time to do it
they’re not paying me enough it’s not
gonna work out you’re coming up with
lots of logical reasons that are
grounded in truth you’re not telling
yourself a lie it’s
founded in truth but it’s not the whole
truth the real truth buried deep is that
you’re just afraid and that’s okay and
you need to catch it so the more you can
catch your autopilot and catch those
excuses that you’re telling yourself and
just jump into the fear is where you
start to win step number two is create
accountability so find the people in
your life who you trust to call you out
who then will say listen right here this
moment now you’re doing it again
you’re doing it again you may not be
able to catch your own autopilot but I’m
catching you I know you’re doing it I
know you’re playing small again and so I
did this with my family in complaining I
told my wife told my son told the people
around me my team if you catch me
complaining I want you to tell me call
it out catch me complaining and the
first feedback for most people was well
we don’t complain that much you’re super
positive and I don’t think about you as
a complainer so yeah okay that’s great
but I still complain of course everybody
complains is know I’m not perfect and I
want to get better at it and so I can
catch my own complainant I try to catch
my own autopilot but sometimes I miss it
because it’s autopilot and so the people
around me are there to call me out and
my son who’s 9 loves it the most
he loves catching my complaints too most
daddy you’re complaining again and I’m
grateful and so who in your circle can
hold you accountable if you let them
know this is your fear this is what you
do on autopilot by default and you want
to kill it this year like you’re getting
out you don’t want to happen anymore and
whenever you see this behavior in me I
want you to call me out and hold me
accountable so who’s that person for you
make it happen and in step number three
is set up a 254 I’ve created a 254
series on confidence so you can get the
link is in the description of this video
and a lot of others that are free
there’s the videos is the book you can
get but the idea is if you are exposed
to people on a regular basis daily in
micro increments who are the kind of
people that you want to learn something
from so the 254 I created the video
series was around confidence so if you
want to be more confident you’re going
to get a video in your inbox every day
that’s a short video thirty seconds to a
couple minutes of people being confident
and the more you around that the more
you’re around confidence through osmosis
the more you will become confident if
you’re in a really toxic negative
environment it’s really hard to stay
positive it’s really hard to be
confident when the people around you
aren’t
confident and so the more you’re around
that the more you will become like that
and its 2:54 because it takes up to two
hundred fifty four days of consecutive
action for a habit to stick for you to
actually start to embody it the minimum
is eighteen days the average I think is
sixty six days and the most is 254 days
so even if you are the slowest learning
person on the face of the planet I’m
still with you every step of the way so
you can learn that skill and whether
it’s using my system or somebody else’s
the more you around that the more you
will become that and so think about when
you read a book when you read a book
you’re really immersed in that book and
you you become like that person and
their mindset and their beliefs and and
the way they do things you you’re
shifting as you read the book but then
the book finishes and then chances are
you stop doing those things you stop
thinking that way you move on to
something else and to your next book and
so if you don’t have a plan around the
books that you’re reading then you will
just constantly hop from one thing to
another and never taking consistent
action and so you want to build your own
version of a 2:54 like what is the thing
that you want more in your life if you
want what do we have we have confidence
we have writers and we have black
excellence the next one is gonna be on
women entrepreneurs called girlboss if I
can solve that for you amazing if not do
it on your own you need to be around
that in micro doses let me have to spend
18 hours a day watching videos on one
topic micro doses but every day every
day because in building up momentum and
acting every single day that’s when you
start developing the muscle so step
number one try to catch your autopilot
step number two have someone to hold you
accountable and step number three use or
build your own 2:54 now I’ve got a
really special bonus clip that I think
you’re gonna enjoy but before that
question of the day I want to know where
do you need to just act in your life or
business leave it down in the comments
you have this concept of protect your
confidence I’ve never heard anybody say
it like that before why is that so
important well because I think I mean in
all the big decisions you’ve had to make
along your way have you ever made a good
decision when your confidence was down
once like can you say I walked in my
head was down physiologies changing like
a little nervous like you just don’t
make good decisions when your confidence
is down and and I don’t think it’s like
we’re either confident or not confident
I think it’s like if confidence is a
hundred percent if our confidence is
ninety five percent we play smaller I
know with me like big opportunities come
if I’m not in that like space I’m like
you know what guys let’s just let’s hold
but it’s not like I won’t make smart
decisions so I think I think we have to
do everything in our power to protect
our confidence but we like people who
say I’ve got something to offer the
world and it’s very it’s people are very
reassured by confidence you know all
scared that we’re gonna come across as
arrogant but if you’re on a fly and you
hit turbulence you want a confident
pilot if you’re sick wouldn’t you like
you’re really covered a doctor got off
I’m the best doctor in New York I’m
gonna make You Betty wouldn’t wanna go
as well I don’t want to brag you know
I’m sort of okay sometimes but you know
he’s better than me we don’t want our
kids teacher to go well I’m not the best
you know I have good days we want to go
I’m the best teacher and I’m gonna give
you back your kid in a year’s time rate
radiating confidence and talent you know
we pay for that and yet was so scared of
saying I’ve got a gift I’ve got a skill
this is what I’m good at what was your
first reaction when you read Tracy Flick
and saw what she was gonna do it I have
to do this part I have to part
and I remember going in I read the
script and I just thought it was amazing
and then my boyfriend’s time Ryan said
have you seen sis and Ruth and I hadn’t
seen Citizen Ruth so we were at Sundance
and he had seen an end during Lourdes
our Laura Dern
it was it was called meet Ruth Stoops
and then they then it was out sander
pains first full-length feature and I
saw it and y’all if you haven’t seen
that movie it is so good she and it’s
it’s classic Alexander Payne where it’s
middle of America but they’re dealing
with both sides of abortion pro rights
and pro-choice and you know and all that
stuff and then it’s it’s just great and
I was blown away and then I so I went in
to meet with him and I just looked at
him and he said hello he always wears a
suit on Tuesdays I know I one day it was
because he was wearing a suit and hello
and I said I just wanna let you know I’m
the right person for this part you can
cast somebody else but you’ll be wrong
oh that’s so Tracy Flick and I I don’t
even know why I did it I was just like
so in the character and about a week
later it got the call on I got the part
I feel like a lot of the times people
auditioned and I know this is a
reflector so it’s important for I’d say
this to actors all the time people just
want to be told what to do you know
sometimes they have so many decisions to
make they just want the decisions to be
taken away from them and just to go give
me the ball I’m not gonna disappoint you
I promise and I’m gonna work to the best
of my ability and I’m gonna work hard
for you you know and sometimes that just
such a relief to someone who has to
answer 200 million questions a day
you’re there to make their life easier
yeah I was like I got it don’t worry
about it I got it
if you want more Mel Robbins check of
the 5 hacks and strategies to transform
your life video I made on her the link
is right there next to me I think you’ll
enjoy it continue to believe and I’ll
see you there
my life changed a couple years ago when
I discovered something called the progress principle
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