what I talk to audiences about all over
the world is your brain and the ways in
which you screw yourself over and what
this speech is based on is a TED talk
that I gave about two years ago in San
Francisco that has since gone viral and
one of the things that that we thought
would be an interesting subject for us
to talk about is managing complexity
because the truth of the matter is life
is extremely complex you work in a very
complex industry and it’s only going to
get worse and so the question becomes
how the hell do you manage complexity
without making things so complicated and
this is what we’re gonna do first of all
we’re going to talk about three stories
in the news that you all know none of
amaura bola
I’m so sick of talking about that I feel
like CNN should be rebranded enn the
Ebola news network and I don’t think
we’re gonna come off of this until
there’s some sort of plain disaster or
some other terrible tragedy I mean
that’s one of the bad things about being
in the news business but we’re not going
to talk about Ebola we’re gonna talk
about three examples of where there was
a very complex situation that happened
in the news and how an individual
handled it okay then what we’re going to
get into is research from the Harvard
Business School and from a number of
neurosciences scientists about the ways
in which you should organize your
workday so that you can be extremely
effective because before I was in the
media business I was an attorney and I
ran an executive coaching practice and I
was on retainer with AG Edwards now
Wells Fargo I was on retainer with Bank
of America with a bunch of different
hedge funds and so I understand the kind
of constraints that you all feel in
terms of the industries that you work in
and one of the major complaints that all
of my clients had is that by the time
they walked through the door of the
office with a huge plan in place to
execute for the day and right before the
bell went off the shit hit the fan
and their day was gone and they never
felt like they were in control of their
day so I’m going to show you the science
behind how to organize your day so that
you’re more effective and then I’m going
to pull back the curtain and explain
that even though you know all this stuff
you are not going to follow it and the
reason why is your brain screws you over
all day long and then I’m gonna teach
you what to do about it so let’s get
started alright remember this guy yeah
this was a very very complex story
because it involves so many different
owners it involved the NBA bylaws it
involved racism it involved public
opinion it involved a potential player
walkout involves sponsors leaving I mean
this is a complete moving target well
luckily Adam Silver gave us all a lesson
at how you manage a complex issue
there’s only two rules they’re very
simple where do you stand and what’s the
outcome and Adam silver gave a press
conference and actually printed it out
because I wanted to make sure I got the
language right where he said some things
that you knew whether you agreed with
him or not exactly what the NBA stood
for correct
you knew racism not tolerated this guy
out fine he was so clear and the reason
why he could be clear is because Adam
Silver knew what he stood for and he
knew the outcome that he wanted and what
he stood for he said to you he basically
said I’m personally distraught that the
views expressed by mr. sterling came
from an institution that has
historically taken such a leadership
role in matters of race relations so he
sees the NBA as a leader in race
relations and you know what the outcome
he wanted he said it very very clear as
for mr. Sterling’s ownership in the
Clippers I urged the Board of Governors
to exercise its authority to force a
sale the team and I will do everything
in my power to make sure that happens
and so whether you agree with him or not
this is a very simple of example of the
fact that when it comes to complexity
you’re never gonna change how complex
any issue is whether
complexity at work complexity with
technology complexity with regulation
complexity with HR issues complexity
with your schedule complexity with your
sex life like whatever the complexity is
you’re never going to change the
complexity all you can do is be powerful
as an individual and what you’re gonna
do about it
let’s look at another example oh yeah
you remember this one right everybody
knows Ray Rice elevator I know it’s a
little blurry to bad teams he wasn’t
actually there because then you’d have
really close footage and let’s contrast
Adam silver against this guy now can I
see by a show of hands how many people
who know right now what is the policy if
say somebody gets arrested for domestic
violence can you raise your hand if you
know exactly what the NFL is gonna do
not one I’ll tell you why you know what
are they gonna do nothing well that
didn’t happen with Greg Hardy right
after they passed that we weren’t quite
sure what happened with Adrian Peterson
when they passed that not quite sure I
mean so so you’re right that’s what the
rules are and in fact that’s what the
rules were when he found out what
happened with Ray Rice and he didn’t
even do that kind of suspension he went
for the full throttle on them now here’s
what’s interesting about Goodell it’s a
complex situation because domestic
violence is really complex lots of
psychological issues you almost never
prosecute those kind of cases because
the victims typically recant for a
number of reasons and I personally think
the NFL has no business getting involved
in them which is why they need to have a
very clear policy for complex situations
in fact you did a much better job what’s
your name sir saiful cyfle did a much
better job than Goodell did because the
Siple basically said yes this pumps
Ifill there because it’s Ifill basically
is Goodell had stood up and said from
here on out here’s what we’re doing you
get arrested six games you’re out you
still gonna get paid so you can stop
whining about it right now you get
arrested a second
you’re out for the year in fact you’re
out for good but you can you can appeal
it if he did that everybody would know
where they stand the fact is he stood up
there and he was like guy ok I’m gonna
say this sentence in that sentence and
hopefully 45 minutes will pass by he
basically said this I’m not satisfied
with the way we handled it from the
get-go I made a mistake we are taking a
number of steps we will reexamine
enhance and improve there will be
changes to our current policy I know
this because we will make it happen
we’ve acknowledged that we need to
change now we just need to get to what
those changes are and you know when
they’re gonna announce the changes by
the way after the Super Bowl I mean
isn’t that so convenient so this is an
example of when you’re not clear about
where you stand when you’re not clear
about what your outcome is you create
more complexity everybody’s confused
about what the NFL is gonna do because
he didn’t say what they were gonna do
this is another thing complex situations
should never be solved with your gut
because you need to use your head to
think through it you need to use your
head to basically say what do I want
and what’s the outcome here let me give
you one more in a corporate setting
before we move on to you and what you’re
doing to screw yourself up so let’s talk
about Starbucks Starbucks in 2008 very
interesting thing happened and many of
you if you are in the financial services
market then probably know this that
their net income decreased by about 28%
that year and at the time they had
16,000 stores in 44 countries and they
had gone through this massive explosive
growth segment in terms of going from
going public in I think it was like 1992
they only had 125 stores and now here we
are 2008 they’ve got 16,000 so what ends
up happening is Howard Schultz who is
the chairman of the board comes back in
as the CEO very complex situation right
you’ve got operations in 44 countries
you’ve got massive reduction in terms of
the profits that you have you’ve got the
stock market and Wall Street screaming
at you you’ve got customers that are
going to Dunkin Donuts because there’s a
recession that’s hitting so what do you
do well he was very
clear again back to the two rules what
do I stand for like what is it what is
what am i doing and what do I want the
outcome to be so he was very clear that
what he stood for as a leader and what
Starbucks should stand for is the
Starbucks experience he wanted to go
back to the beginning and reintroduce
people to the romance of having a cup of
coffee because you know that’s how
Starbucks launched in the beginning that
he was traveling and was over in Italy
and was like God why don’t we in places
like these great stops to have a little
cup of coffee over in the United States
boom Starbucks an idea it’s born it’s
launched so he decides he’s gonna do
whatever he can to get the romance of
having a cup of coffee back the other
thing that he said is that they were
going to build on their legacy of
innovation so what did he do it’s pretty
interesting because in one year they
grew sales by 4% and because of the
amount of innovative cost cuttings they
hired a guy that was part of the Toyota
lean management initiative they were
able to do a whopping 200 percent rise
in profits in a matter of just over a
year and I’m sure there were people in
this room that capitalized on it but
what’s more interesting is how did he do
it
well one of the things that he did is he
looked at costs and was very innovative
around costs the other thing that he did
is he closed the thousand of the worst
performing stores and he started
something that we’re still seeing happen
he decided instead of being the kind of
chain feel because it was starting to
backfire from a PR perspective and it
doesn’t really give you the romance of a
cup of coffee every single Starbucks you
go into now it’s totally different than
the one just down the road because he
wanted to go back to it feeling like a
local coffee shop and it feeling like a
nice break in your day they got rid of
all those teddy bears and all the
musical crap that was cluttering up the
stuff they got better food and he kept
the healthcare policy because that was
part of the Starbucks of experience and
innovating very interesting because it
comes back to you what can you learn
from these three examples and what you
can learn is this in life in any
situation whether you’re talking about
growing your company growing your bank
getting in a relationship getting out of
a relationship getting something done at
the school system that your kids are
going to on behalf of your kids whatever
it is that you’re up to in life this is
the only question that you need to ask
yourself well what is it that I want
because the truth of the matter is if
you can answer that you can have it and
the reason why you could have it is
because these two things I guarantee you
for anything that you want to do whether
it’s make more money get home earlier so
that you can spend more time with your
family get rid of the person that you’re
with lose weight get in shape whatever
it is you can do it I’m gonna prove it
to you how many people in here would
like to raise your hand if you’d like to
lose weight or get in much better shape
than you are right now come on give it
up let’s go I’m gonna turn the lights on
your people okay great leave your hand
raised if you know exactly what you’re
supposed to be doing to get that see you
know what to do and you’re capable of
doing it you just don’t want to this is
where the brain comes in and you’re
gonna find that this is true about
everything everything that you want to
do that you want to accomplish all those
dreams that you have all those financial
goals that you have all those business
goals that you have
they are totally within your reach and
the only thing that is going to prevent
you from getting them is the dumb crap
that’s in your head and I’m going to
show you what that means and here’s
something that’s also really cool I want
you to understand a little bit of
context because things have changed
radically in the last ten years not only
do you have the information that you
need to do anything because anything
that you want to do whether it’s make
more money whether it’s build your own
algorithm and sell it for millions of
dollars whether it is to get a divorce
whether it’s to write a book whatever it
may be that’s on your mind that you want
to accomplish somebody else has already
done it they’re probably blogging about
it or there’s a couple dozen bestsellers
that you can read and you’ll get
step-by-step instructions you can also
stalk people online that have done it
you can look at their Twitter feeds you
can check out their LinkedIn profiles
you can read the Business Insider
articles that are about them the talk
all about the way that their business
was launched there’s the technology that
helps you do the kinds of things you
couldn’t do ten years ago and there’s
also social
acceptance and so it is absolutely true
I am a hundred percent convinced that if
you decide there’s something that you
want to accomplish
you have everything you could possibly
need to get it done the only thing is
you will stop yourself every single step
of the way and it’s total bullshit and
let me tell you something
scientists have crunched the numbers on
the odds of you being born and if anyone
knows this statistic do not shout it out
we’re going to find somebody and by
crunching the numbers and the odds of
you being born they mean they went
through the entire history of the world
and took into account all of the natural
disasters all of the Wars all of the
famines everything and they calculated
the odds of you being born to the
parents that you got on the day that you
were born with the DNA structure that
you have what do you suppose those odds
are Dante stand up can you guys give her
a round of applause because he’s like oh
God
not me like thank god it’s him not me
okay so what do you think the odds are
what’s your birthday July July 28 71 I’m
older than you thank you thank you
July 28 1971 what do you think the odds
are what are your parents name Dorothy
and Claude very nice so what do you
think the odds are Dante of you being
born to Dorothy and Claude on the day
that you were born with the DNA
structure that you got given the entire
that’s one in four hundred trillion
right you’re better numbers in IRS yes
you know what that means you’re a
miracle like you know what you what it
means is all those things that you have
cooking inside you telling you you know
I should do this I should really do that
you know I should
that’s not those it’s that they’re
saying that like your your insides are
saying that because you’re supposed to
do it it’s that part of you that’s
talking to you and it’s never going to
go away and that’s true for all of you
by the way those annoying Zhai should
those things that you keep thinking
about you keep thinking about them
because you’re supposed to do something
about it thank you they give him a round
of applause please because the truth of
the matter is that getting what you want
is actually really simple but notice I
didn’t say it was easy and earlier I was
talking about getting in shape or losing
weight and it’s actually pretty simple
right
you pick a freakin program and you
follow it any diet will work the problem
is you alter it any exercise program
will work the problem is you don’t do it
that’s what makes it hard and that’s
true about everything in life it comes
down to knowing what you want and then
making a plan and then the real hard
part which is sticking to it and I know
you don’t have time to do any of this
stuff and I’m gonna start by explaining
to you what the best practices are and
in particular the best practices for
this industry and then I’m gonna explain
to you how your brain works and why the
only thing that’s standing between you
and having whatever it is that you want
and being more effective and making more
money and being happier is your head and
not your head in terms of your thoughts
it’s your head in terms of how its wired
and how living in modern life is
screwing it up so first of all this is
scientifically based on all this
research so the Harvard Business School
published a study where they took a look
at several dozen CEOs around the planet
that are billionaires and also happened
to be happy and they found something
very interesting that they all had
something very interesting in common
and what they had in common was how they
structured their day and the most
important thing about being effective at
work and feeling in control which are
vital to you doing and achieving what
you want is how you start your day and
almost every single one of these CEOs
said that they had a morning ritual
where they spent 30 to 90 minutes
working at home developing a plan and
setting up what they were gonna do
before they went to work and the reason
why is you know exactly why the second
you walk in the door at work your day is
hijacked you’re interrupted it’s a place
of distractions in fact it’s probably
the place where you get the least amount
of work done but at least that way they
found that when they got to work they
already had gotten out of the way the
strategic things that they needed to
think about the other thing that’s
interesting is you should never have
meetings in the morning ever you should
never do people’s stuff in the morning
you shouldn’t have phone calls in the
morning and here’s why because in terms
of how the brain works you have about a
two and a half hour window after you
wake up so you’ve got about a half an
hour you wake up then you’ve got a half
an hour of time where you’re kind of
getting awake and kind of coming into
the day and your brain is almost
starting to turn on and then you’ve got
a two and a half hour window where you
can do your best thinking and the
highest level of processing and so what
you want to do is you want to reserve
the mornings in terms of how you block
out your time and I realize a lot of
you’re sitting in front of monitors all
day and checking out CNBC and looking at
alerts and looking at research and
everything else but for crying out loud
the morning time there you should not be
in meetings ever you need to make sure
those are scheduled in the afternoon you
need to make sure people things are
scheduled in the afternoon because you
will naturally dip also at 2:00 instead
of having a Diet Coke or 15th cup of
coffee if you’re in a meeting the energy
of the other people will actually wake
you up and then the final thing that
they said that was really interesting is
almost all of them try to have a
relaxing evening because you cannot
power through 23 hours a day and be
effective it’s impossible in fact if you
don’t get enough sleep they’ve they’ve
tested this out and if you don’t get the
amount of sleep that you need which is
between seven and eight hours let’s say
repeatedly in a row you get five hours
of sleep in three days just five hours
three days in a row
legally you act in terms of a cognitive
fashion as if you’re legally drunk it
affects your processing that much I know
you guys like I don’t care okay
this is how the average person spends
their day 28% of your time reading and
answering freaking email do you know 83%
of your work years eighty excuse me
eighty three days a year at work you
know what you’re doing email it’s
unbelievable and most of you spend too
much time responding to emails and the
best philosophy for email and almost
nobody follows it is if it requires more
than one or two sentences to respond
flag it and save it for later save it
for the afternoon where you do the
people’s stuff okay so let’s talk about
your morning routine what’s the first
thing that you did this morning get this
nose it’s true the majority of people
hit the snooze alarm no I don’t have
some big agenda for you to get up early
but I do want you to do something
tomorrow I want you to set your alarm a
half an hour earlier and you’re like oh
I’ve got an open bar with free alcohol
than I’d chick is out of her mind I’m
not doing it no I want you to set your
alarm for a half an hour earlier and the
reason why is I want you to do a little
neurological test with yourself you’re
gonna set the alarm for half an hour
earlier when that alarm goes off many of
you’re staying in a hotel room and so
you’re gonna be all cozy and there’s no
kids or pets or partners or anybody else
in that bed and you’re gonna want to
sleep in where you’re gonna do instead
is you’re gonna throw the sheets off and
you’re gonna stand up in that cold hotel
room and you’re gonna walk toward the
bathroom and the whole time you’re gonna
be like I hate that freaking woman that
was talking yesterday and why am I doing
this because she’s not here and the
reason why I’m asking you to do that is
because I want you to understand what
scientists call activation energy
activation energy is the physical force
that is required to get you to do
something different than what your body
is already doing so it’s the same amount
of energy that it takes for example if
you’re sitting at the computer and you
know you got to go to the gym the same
amount of energy that’s required to
force your ass out of bed
thirty minutes earlier instead of
hitting the snooze is the exact same
amount of energy that you’re gonna need
to force yourself to get up from the
computer to force yourself to put down
the croissant if you’re on a diet to
force yourself to have the tough
conversation that you’ve been avoiding
with your boss and I want you to come
and come and do this experiment because
you’re gonna be come face to face with
what a complete stubborn jerk you are
and you resist yourself all day long you
know what’s the next thing you did let’s
say first you hit the snooze I know I
didn’t realize a word big slip but we’re
gonna do this anyway seventy-three
percent of you sleep within reach of the
phone
we’re not seven through 83 okay it’s
probably even higher at this stage and
if you think about it if you’re in bed
and you got your phone over here and the
alarm goes off and you’re like grabbing
for it and then you get it and then you
do this so here you are it’s seven
o’clock in the morning you’re not even
freaking vertical and you’re already
checking emails and by the way what is
an email other people’s shit email is
the way that everybody assigns you stuff
it’s other people’s to-do list and so
you’re not even out of bed yet and your
brain is already processing everybody
else’s garbage this is the worst way
that you could start your day and if
those of you if there are those of you
that wake up and I know there are in
this room and you already feel
overwhelmed and you already have anxiety
and you already feel like oh my god I’m
not going to get everything done you’re
right because everything that was on
this phone whether it’s the sale at
Zappos or the update from team Street on
beach bleacher report or something else
is already in your brain it just went in
queue ahead of what you were supposed to
do remember those see
heõs that i was telling you about and
how they plan their morning their
morning ritual does not start with this
their morning rituals starts with
figuring out what are my priorities for
the day and taking 30 flippin minutes to
use some higher processing to get it
done
so what you should do is you should take
that phone and I’m gonna use it as my
alarm clock no problem
put it in the bathroom that way when it
goes off you have to get up and by the
time you walk to the bathroom you’re up
and they’ve also done all this research
by the way that as this thing is on at
night even if you’ve got it on vibrate
it’s gonna be interrupting your deep
sleep even if you’ve got it on silent
the blue light that comes on has been
proven to interfere with the neural
pathways that you actually need to be
relaxing it stimulates them and has them
go like oh okay I got to be paying
attention to something and you should
never let your kids do it here’s another
interesting little experiment that
happened it’s really important you know
we were talking about that we live in
complex environments and you in
particular working and financial
services live in very complex
environments and so one of the important
things is is yes you got to know what do
I want
and what are the two things anywhere
remember what do I stand for
what do I want that was a test the other
thing is you can do certain things to
control your environment okay to make it
easier for you to be effective they have
proven that distractions that interrupt
your flow at work make you stupid there
was a study that was done in Chicago at
the University of Chicago where they
took a look at these two classrooms and
they couldn’t kind of figure out what’s
going on because it was to fourth grade
classrooms and one of them was on the
right side of the hall the other was on
the left side of the hall and yet every
single year the classroom and the left
side of the hall an entire year behind
why they switched the teachers one year
they were looking at the same cricket
why the reason why is there was a
commuter rail
outside the window they went by all day
long constantly distracting the kids
they moved the kids to an empty room
across the hall and within two months
they had caught up and we’re at the same
grade level as the other fourth-grade
classroom so when you’ve got your little
alerts on but I know why you have it on
because it actually stimulates the same
part of your brain that that causes
addiction every time this thing buzzes
you’re like oops um buddy needs me
sale at Zappos okay that’s what you
leave it on you’re afraid you’re gonna
miss something it’s FOMO you guys know
that right fear of missing out
you all have FOMO and your phones keep
it alive and well the other thing that’s
interesting is make the stuff that you
know is hard or make the stuff that you
know you shouldn’t be doing hard make
the stuff you should be doing easier so
there was this experiment that Google
did who is looking at cutting some costs
down in their New York offices and they
always had M&Ms out and so they were
toying with the idea of putting less
M&Ms out and what they did instead is
they put a lid on the jar making it
harder for some I mean it’s not that
hard but just that one thing of reaching
it and putting a lid in to make somebody
stop and think three million less M&Ms
consumed at Google in one year there are
things that are obvious to do whether
it’s sleeping with your phone or having
your phone on next to you constantly
alerting you whatever it may be in the
environment that you work in that if you
did small tweaks you’d get a hell of a
lot more done so here’s the problem
though it’s really not you it’s it’s
about how your brain works so let’s talk
about that your brain only has two modes
that’s it it’s a super sophisticated
processing machine that can take a look
at a expression of your teenage you’re
coming down in the morning and say OOP
not talking to you right now but it only
has two modes the first mode this is the
mode your brain loves its autopilot how
many of you have ever driven to work and
you get there and you’re like oh who
drove the car you did that was your
brain on autopilot
the thing about autopilot is your brain
loves to repeat the same thought
processes
because it doesn’t have to work very
hard it’s why you drive to work the same
exact way every single day and even when
Waze tells you to try a different thing
you’re like nope I’m going this way it’s
why you have your coffee the same way
every single day your brain does not
want to work very hard in fact your
entire life can start to look like this
you wake up you get up you walk into the
bathroom you brush your teeth you go
into the kitchen you see the same people
that you saw last night you have one of
maybe three breakfasts the Greek yogurt
cereal or perhaps an oatmeal if it’s
getting colder you then get in the car
you drive to work you stop at the same
place for coffee every single day you
order at the same exact way except for
maybe right now when you might start
going to the pumpkin lattes then you get
to work you check team stream on
bleacher report you take a look at
Facebook you log into your email you
look at emails you pretend to care you
show up at a meeting you pretend to care
you check back on Facebook text your
partner you check in with the kids you
attend a few more meetings you make some
phone calls you look busy you drive back
home you see the same people that you
saw in the morning you talk about the
same stuff you have one of maybe three
dinners takeout Chinese pizza maybe you
make a chicken dish you then turn on the
TV it’s the same type of entertainment
because now you’re mainlining everything
on Netflix you go to bed you turn to the
person next to you and he or she says
not tonight I’m too tired
same thing every single night and your
buddy likes that because it doesn’t have
to work very hard because the other mode
that your brain works in is manual and
this is where you have to direct your
thoughts this is the moment when you
want to get something done when freakin
Donald sterling hits TMZ and you’ve got
to figure out how are you gonna deal
with this when another player gets
arrested and you got to figure out how
am I going to deal with this when you
look at your returns for the year your
production run for the day and you’re
like oh my god or the markets are in
crisis how am I gonna deal with this
well you’re gonna figure out what you
stand for and what you want the outcome
to be and then you’re gonna have to use
this to direct your thoughts because if
you don’t start directing your thoughts
and telling yourself what to do
autopilot will take over Roger Goodell
was on autopilot during that press
conference because the truth is I’ll
tell you what he wants he doesn’t want
to have to deal with this
he doesn’t want these to be an issue he
wants us to blow over he made that very
clear
so why is it that it’s hard for your
brain
well there’s some other things that you
need to understand about what sort of
maxing your brain out by living in 2014
first of all there’s way too much choice
these days okay you walk into the
average supermarket there’s over a
hundred and fifty cereal choices in the
average supermarket
it’s no wonder you buy the same three
the reason why is the second that your
mind starts thinking I have to analyze
something it’s gonna try to default you
back to men or back to autopilot they’ve
done these studies in financial markets
where they take a look at you know when
a company offers like a 401k plan and
they offer you a couple choices and they
say here’s the selections we’ve made but
you can do whatever you want do you know
96% of the people take the selections
that were made why because the brain
would prefer to work on autopilot and
doing something on your own would
require higher level processing too much
choice leads to no choice at all if
you’re interested in that subject
there’s an excellent book by dr. Barry
Schwartz at the Harvard Medical School
called the paradox of choice that just
lays this whole out it’s fascinating
other thing there’s too much information
on average and I would guess that in
financial services it’s more the average
American worker receives 173 emails a
day and as you know you’re spending 2.3
hours a day answering them
that’s 83 days of your work year on just
email there’s too many channels there’s
there’s 24/7 news there’s just so much
information and what does that do
information that you have to process it
means your brain does not want to have
to do any higher level thinking pace of
life is too busy fear risk uncertainty
we peddle that at CNN you guys tune in
for it but it also makes your brain want
to go on autopilot I suppose at some
forget it all there’s another version of
this slide but I wasn’t sure if I’d get
in trouble if I use that one
so here’s the thing what are you gonna
do what are you gonna do to trick your
brain so the interesting thing about
your brain is that it uses the exact
same strategy because what will happen
is this
you’ll be sitting at work and you’ll say
to yourself you know I really need to
have that talk with with my wife
I really do I’ve been avoiding it for
six months but I really need to and your
brains gonna all of a sudden be like oh
wait a minute Michael just said that
he’s gonna have that talk we need to get
him to stop doing that because we want
him to just avoid the subject like he
always does because it’s much easier to
be Pudsey about these kind of things cuz
you know she’s gonna be a total raging
you know what about this so don’t do it
you know I’m feeling a little alone I’m
feeling a little overwhelmed by that I
think I’ll do it tomorrow
or you know David is sitting at his
computer and says you know I think I’m
gonna go to the gym tonight immediately
uh-oh
David’s having an idea to go to the gym
tonight immediately let’s stop this
right now somebody tell him he’s tired
tell him he’s tired because then we’ll
get him on autopilot and go home sit on
the couch you’re going to have a beer
your brain uses feelings to screw you
over so let’s talk about overwhelmed
because that’s a big one overwhelm is
nothing more than when your brain is
full so if you want to do any
higher-level thinking you need a brain
that is well rested and that’s empty
okay the problem is as you go through
life it’s filled up with all kinds of
crap that you have to do and the to-do
lists that you need and things that you
worry about and lalalalalalala and many
of you started to do lists every day you
finished two or three things and then
you use that as the beginning of the
to-do list tomorrow and the problem is
is that if you already have a full brain
and all of a sudden the phone rings and
it’s somebody saying hey I need a report
and I need this and I need that and I
need the other thing and this huh that’s
what happens
all those times you walk into the
kitchen you’re like well why did I come
in here it’s not dementia you’re not
getting Alzheimer’s your brain is full
and what you’re going to do is whenever
you feel overwhelmed whenever you’re in
your your work day or your life and you
suddenly feel like oh my god I feel a
little overwhelmed right now or oh my
god I’m never gonna get this stuff done
or uh you know the drama associated with
a super simple strategy take out a blank
piece of paper dump it all out all of it
just barf it out they’re like you got
Ebola sorry there’s a bad joke terrible
joke
can’t believe I just said that you’re
going to dump it all on a piece of paper
everything from the song lyrics to the
photo albums you’ve got to finish to the
present you got a pickup to this set the
other thing to the power point little
little little bit of that because I’m
gonna tell you something there’s only
two things on that freaking list that
you actually need to do and if somebody
needs you they’ll call you and if
there’s an emergency you’ll know about
it and at least now you got this you got
an empty head so now you can do the
higher-level processing that you needed
to do that you were trying to avoid if
you feel tired use the governor’s theory
I also call this Google earthing
yourself so scientists looked at how is
it possible that somebody can ride the
tour Franz I mean obviously their
quadriceps are killing them and they’re
tired it’s because professional athletes
can get above themselves and govern from
above you can do the same thing what we
say in the motivational speaking
business is you can feel fired when
you’re dead right now you got stuff to
do so if you start to notice that you’ve
got something that you need to finish
that you need to do a conversation that
you’re avoiding something that you’re
putting off and you feel tired get up
above yourself remind yourself of what
you stand for and what you want and push
yourself forward if you feel like doing
it later how many of you are
procrastinators raise your hands there’s
a lot of scientific people in here okay
good so here’s the thing about
procrastination you’re not lazy it’s
something else entirely procrastination
is about control you guys are insane
control freaks totally and we can’t cure
this in fact the only thing that you can
do with the procrastinator is screw them
over because procrastinators hold on to
projects and put things off because by
god nobody’s telling you what to do not
even you and so by holding on to the
project for a long time you maintain
control and you’re never going to change
that because control is so awesome
so the only thing you can do is screw
yourself over and so that looks like
this if you constantly procrastinate on
working out you’ve got to find a friend
that’s picking you up because if they’re
standing in your kitchen you’re going if
you’re meeting in there you’re not you
just screwed yourself over if you
constantly push off work deadlines the
only thing you can do is cut the project
in half and promise half of it earlier
you just screwed yourself over you’re
still gonna pull an all-nighter and
procrastinate on each half but it’ll be
less work each time if you feel
uncertain so is anybody in here like an
engineer or a programmer or an
accountant or people kind of in that
category suffer from this you can’t pick
and the reason why is you’ve been
trained to noodle things down to such
certainty that you are a hundred percent
paralyzed so if you’re the kind of
person that finds yourself wondering
should I do this should I do that should
I not should I they ain’t the problem
isn’t the idea the problem is you never
do anything you must pick try it for a
day or two see how it feels
then pick again now let’s do this cool
little trick if you feel alone the best
thing in the world is the eye contact
test so I want everyone to turn to the
person next to them I know you’re like
okay who does not I need everybody to
have a partner who doesn’t have a
partner
raise your hand so you can kind of turn
rose somebody in the back yes all right
this guy needs a partner
you got to raise your hand who needs it
who else raise your freaking hands I
will come out there do you do not have
somebody do you sir
no no you got to have a pair this is a
pair of thing oh here we go here we go
I gotcha oh no you two you got somebody
you’re right what are you talking about
he needs the guy in there what is wrong
hey you’re gonna meet somebody how about
that okay you too there pair you two
there okay anybody else not have this
because it’s a really cool exercise I
don’t want you to miss it and it only
takes a second or two so during this
here are the rules absolutely no talking
none
you’re gonna look into the eyes of the
other person
no talking and the per hold eye contact
and the person how’d you guys all have
short hair okay the person with the
grayer hair flash a big smile and hold
alright let me explain what just
happened so the truth is yes you’ve been
wondering if you have superpowers the
fact is you do okay so what happened
there what was going on what was going
on is you just stimulated the other
person’s mirror neurons so there are
mirror neurons in your brain that are
stimulated through sight and if you look
in somebody’s eyes and you flash up a
big smile
they can’t unless it’s like a weird
stalker smile you know they they can’t
help like their mirror neurons get
charged it’s the same thing like if you
see somebody cut themselves and you’re
like or you hear somebody say lice and
you kind of want to scratch your head
like those are all your mirror neurons
so what I want you to do is I want you
to do this little experiment along with
the alarm clock Testament forget about
that what you’re gonna do is you’re
gonna find just two people a day that’s
it you can be attracted to them it’s
fine and what you’re going to do is
you’re gonna find two people a day
you’re gonna make eye contact you’re
gonna smile and you’re gonna hold it and
you’re gonna play a game with yourself
where you get two strangers a day to
smile back at me something interesting
is going to happen number one you’re
gonna start getting a lot of free coffee
number two what happens is you
subconsciously fill the reservoir of
confidence inside you because every time
you make somebody pop and you switch
somebody’s mood it actually comes back
to you like wow I got this like I I can
really change the way that somebody is
interacting with me it is a hugely
important thing to do for sales hugely
important thing to do just in life in
general and by the way who you are right
now will be totally different two weeks
ago in terms of how you interact in
meetings you know where to sit in the
meeting right at a conference table do
you guys know where to sit in a
conference room no you always sit in the
middle and the reason why is if you’re
sitting at the end it’s a dead zone if
you’re sitting in the middle you’re
always in the middle of the conversation
so if you have something to say
everyone’s gonna see it and if you’re
talking everyone can see you and you’re
never closed off it is the most powerful
place to sit in
it’s true we have just a few more things
to talk about and then I’ll take a few
questions but notice the thing that your
brain always uses feelings it’s the
feelings that are screwing you over it’s
the feelings that make you suddenly say
uh-uh nope no way not gonna happen no
uh-uh
because the fact is you’re never gonna
feel like it never that’s the universal
laws of change you’re never gonna feel
like it and think about it in all the
areas of your life that you’re not happy
if you only did the things you don’t
feel like doing
you never everything you wanted you know
exactly what you’re supposed to do you
just don’t do it cuz you don’t feel like
it it’s a lot like having kids my son
never feels like putting his feet off
the dashboard he never feels like
getting off the DS my daughter never
feels like cleaning up the Barbies why
are they always naked I don’t like this
is this I don’t understand when you were
a kid what was your parents job it was
to harass you into doing the things you
didn’t feel like doing what kid ever
feels like doing their homework
none feels like going outside to play
none turning off the computer none
looking adults in the eye none using
their manners none eating their piece
none your job as a parent is to force
those damn kids to do the things they
don’t feel like saying get out there and
make something of themselves the problem
is when you turned 18 and you left your
parents didn’t say you are a stubborn
son of a gun
good luck with your filth because now
it’s your job it’s time to truly parent
yourself and here’s how you do it you
use this thing called the five-second
rule if you only take one thing away
from this talk take this so we’ve talked
about how to manage complexity you can’t
manage the environment of it you can’t
manage the chaos of it you can only
manage your response what do you stand
for what do you want the outcome to be
we’ve talked about some best practices
that you can utilize so that you’re more
effective in the day and whether or not
you follow them is entirely up to you
winning the war in your brain we’ve also
talked about how modern life is screwing
your
reignover and we’ve talked about things
that you can do to unhinge yourself when
you see yourself throwing yourself back
into autopilot instead of doing the
things you know you got to do what you
can deploy is the five-second rule and
here’s how it works
the five-second rule is a nod to the
fact that your mind is getting crunched
all day long and it’s a nod to the fact
that your brain will always make you go
on autopilot unless you force it
otherwise so whenever you have a
game-changing idea I should I should
really ask my boss for a raise I should
make a hundred times the amount of money
not hundred times a hundred percent more
than what I made this year are you a
hundred times whatever you want I should
write that book I’ve been talking about
forever you only have five seconds
before your brain is gonna eat the idea
that’s it there’s too much information
too much choice too much fear and
uncertainty too much distraction at work
too many other things going on too many
things screaming for your attention you
got five seconds so what do you do all
you have to do is take physical action
small to yank it out of your head and
ground it in the world so that means if
you if you have an idea about something
say it out loud to somebody start
walking today at the conference this is
another thing you can practice you would
be really dumb if you came to this
conference and all you did was hang out
with the people that you know and the
reason why is your network is the most
important asset that they have truly in
terms of how your career progresses and
you know what you end up doing in life
and there are people in this room no
joke that either have the resources or
have the connections or have the
know-how to help you get whatever it is
that you want and if you show up at a
conference like this and you stay with
your little nucleus and you don’t branch
out you are screwing yourself over and I
know you don’t feel like it I don’t feel
like making small talk I don’t feel like
meeting anybody new you know you should
so here’s how you’re gonna use the five
second rule as you are out and about you
know tonight and you guys are however
going to Kings which is really fun and
you’re gonna have an open bar and you’ve
got all these sessions as you scan the
room and you see somebody who looks
interesting you have five seconds to do
something about it you
five seconds to literally be start
walking that’s it just start walking I’m
gonna come right over to you hi I’m Mel
Neal Crespi everybody isn’t he great
give my hand thank you
because if you don’t do that if you
start walking you’re going you’re going
then you make the eye contact it’s
really weird to turn around right see as
I turn around and you hi I’m Mel what’s
your name John desperate topless wow I
got that okay give him a hand – thank
you so I want you to practice that
because you will be shocked at just how
weird you are you’re gonna like be
seeing people you’ll have the impulse to
go walk over maybe you heard somebody
speak on a panel and you want to give
them your car do you want to ask them
some advice you’ll literally have that
impulse to do something you’ll bat yeah
okay I’ll get a beer I’m gonna do this
later
that was your brain putting you on
autopilot it happened that fast so if
you experiment with this today you’ll
learn a lot about God I really do this
to myself all the time I’m gonna leave
you with a little science around how to
make an instant connection so you can
manipulate people
first of all proximity there are some
scientific reasons behind how you make
an instant connection number one
proximity it’s why you should go to
events like this because it puts you in
proximity with people that can help you
or empower you or make you happy or
expand your network or make you richer
so they did a experiment a very
interesting one at the police academy in
Maryland and what they did is they asked
incoming cadets Oh who’s your buddy and
everybody said somebody different right
all different kind of random people they
came back six months later who would
just say your best friend is over 90% of
the cadets named the person next to them
in the alphabet why do you think that is
because at a police academy you sit in
alphabetic order your room in
alphabetical order you line up in
alphabetical order the proximity creates
the opportunity to get to know somebody
they did the same science they did the
same experiment with bench scientists
and found the same thing they did the
same experiment with a dorm hallway and
you had a 64 percent chance of being
best friends with the person and the in
the
next door or across the hall you go one
room down it drops to 23%
the poor guy at the end of the hall I
mean boy are they out of luck so the
reason why going to events like this is
important is because it puts you in
proximity it’s also that phenomenon how
many of you I my husband and I have a 15
14 and 9 year old and we’re in that
stage of life where our best friends are
the parents of the kids that our friends
hang out why is that because the
proximity of sanding on the sidelines at
a lacrosse game creates the opportunity
to say hey you guys want to come on over
for dinner tonight
use the walking toward people you know
are you if there’s a group the other
thing to do is a crab walk so you got a
group over here just kind of step like a
crab toward it so then you’re like sort
of near it and then as the thing but
then you go like oh hi how are you guys
number-one rule even if you’re shy be
interested so you meet somebody new just
be interested in them ask a lot of
questions there’s a reason why you do
this the reason why you do it is twofold
number one it gets the spotlight off of
you and puts the spotlight on the other
person and when somebody else is talking
they think you’re really interesting ask
anybody how the meeting went and the
person that did the most talking said I
think it went amazing in fact I think
this speech is dynamite but what also
happens if you ask people a lot of
questions is you start to learn things
about them and it creates the
opportunity for what’s called resonance
resonance is that thing that you’ve all
experienced where you’ve been sitting at
a dinner party you turn to the person
next to you
you introduce yourself and they say oh
yeah I’m Sally from Ohio you’re like
Ohio my brother’s sister cousins from
Ohio oh my god that’s awesome it’s those
connections of college or neighborhoods
or what you do for a living or the ages
of your kid that make you feel more
connected to somebody else and then
finally we taught you the eye contact
game and in terms of touch you got to
watch this with other cultures but the
upper kind of right this area of the arm
if you touch that it is been proven
because it stimulates certain nerves
you want to do this in sales always
shake the hand and do this they
immediately start trusting you just
don’t grab too hard cuz then that’s
weird so here’s what you’re gonna do
all you need to think about is well what
is it that I want in the morning if you
do nothing else just lose the freaking
phone do not sleep next to it next to
your bed please put it in the bathroom
really important as you organize your
day to think about the most important
work in the morning if you guys are
taking photos of these don’t worry about
it I’ll make an email this stuff to you
you can have it you’re welcome to take
photos but seriously I’ll just give you
the whole thing and get rid of the
distractions another interesting thing I
read an article I think it was in the
week it was fascinating the secret to
leaving work at 5:30 is to plan your day
to leave it work at 5:30 so when you
walk in the office you’ve blocked out
everything with the plan to leave at
5:30 I know that you know all this stuff
I mean I’m not telling you anything that
you don’t already know meetings in the
afternoon the five-second rule are
relaxing evening which you’ll have
tonight and it doesn’t work you can
always take one of these puppies alright any questions bless you you’re welcome