if you’re looking for ways to stop
waiting for permission control your
thoughts and push yourself through fear
then this video is for you if you are
somebody that is sitting around waiting
for some external force to come and do
the work for you that is such a losing
bet it’s unbelievable and so the
five-second rule is a mind trick that’s
all that it is people have so many
theories about fear they talk about oh
I’m afraid of success now I’m afraid of
failure I’m afraid of intimacy I’m
afraid of heights I’m afraid of this I’m
afraid of that I’m afraid of the other
thing there’s actually only two fears
need motivation watch a top 10 with
believe nation what’s up it seven my one
word is believe and I believe in you I
want to see that amazing thing that’s
inside here come out and explode into
the world so let’s get your motivation
to attend and get you believing in you
today we’re gonna learn from a woman who
went from studying history in college
and becoming a lawyer to being a
best-selling author and one of CNN’s
most popular on-air commentators she’s
Mel Robbins and here’s my take on her
top ten rules of success volume 3 enjoy
so leading us off rule number one is
make decisions that energize you I
believe that passion is another word for
energy that’s it what do you have energy
for what energizes you and that we
naturally have a tremendous amount of
body wisdom about that and that every
one of us has an internal fuel tank that
is either empty or full and if you’re
empty you feel depleted if you’re full
you feel energized and so if you simply
are in any situation I mean any
situation and you pay attention within
five seconds to does this person
energize me do they deplete me where are
they in the scale you just gain some
tremendous wisdom and you the simple way
to start to figure out who you are and
what you want is start aligning yourself
with more things that energize you
so situationally if you’re lying in bed
and the snooze alarm goes or the alarm
goes off and you feel depleted and you
start reaching for the snooze button
that’s a really big sign that you need
to get out of bed now being depleted
versus energized has nothing to do with
whether or not things are hard or easy
it has to do with what naturally
actually either expands you or shrinks
you and so if you look at your client
list and measure it depleted versus
energized what shrinks versus expands me
you have the actual map and when you
start to find the courage to make
decisions that energize you and that
expand you whether they’re scary ish or
not that’s when everything changes and
so that’s how I actually make business
decisions is this I don’t even like the
money conversation comes second it’s
does this deplete or energize me
and if it
pleats me how do you move it in that
direction or how do I stay sane oh if it
energizes me how do I do more because if
you are energized or expanded by
something you will do it for no money
you will do it happily and you will
suddenly wake up and say oh my gosh like
my heart I’m pursuing my passion how did
that happen I love this clip I think
it’s a strong opening I’m a big believer
in it I think finding your one word also
really helps I use that as what makes me
feel believe what what in my office
makes me feel believe who are the people
who makes me feel believed that give me
energy and when you figure that out it’s
just so much easier to live your life
and to run a successful business let’s
go to rule number two stop waiting for
permission a lot of you feel stuck
because you’re waiting for some kind of
external force to either push you and
pressure you to change and to be great
and to be amazing or you’re waiting for
somebody to give you permission you’re
either sitting back because you need
some sort of external motivation from
somebody that’s gonna push you or praise
you or pressure you in order to change
or some life circumstance like maybe in
your past you’ve you’ve experienced
trauma or you face something really
scary and that was the thing that made
you change and then the second thing
that people wait around for is
permission
look those may or may not come in your
life if you are somebody that is sitting
around waiting for some external force
to come and do the work for you that is
such a losing bet it’s unbelievable
maybe you’ll get lucky maybe somebody
will come but more than likely no one is
coming
the only kind of force that will truly
create change in your life is you the
internal kind of force I hate to say it
but for those of you that feel really
really stuck and you keep thinking that
somebody’s got to pick me or somebody’s
gonna discover me or somebody’s got to
give me permission to write this book
it’s it’s ridiculous this is external
versus internal force
and what you have to figure out if
you’re stuck is are you the kind of
person that is guilty of needing wanting
and waiting for external forces people
an event some outside force to kick you
in the ass so that you’ll finally do the
stuff that you’ve been dreaming about
doing I want to tell you something no
one’s coming no one the people in life
that get what they want are the ones
that aren’t waiting for an external
force to validate their dreams to
inspire them to give them permission
it’s the people that realize that
success but happiness that control it
comes from the internal force and what
is the internal force it’s you it’s you
it’s you being able to realize that no
one’s gonna do the work for you it’s you
realizing that you’re never gonna feel
ready
in fact even as you start working toward
the things that you really want to do
you’re definitely not gonna feel ready
and you’re gonna feel outside your
comfort zone and that’s normal when you
start to feel like you’re stretching
yourself and you’re sticking your
scrawny neck out there and you’re taking
some risks that’s amazing
cuz you’re growing I love this point is
my favorite so far
good job mal I think it just comes down
to taking acceptance and responsibility
for your life you are where you are
because of you nobody else you don’t
need anybody’s permission and it’s also
you’re not blaming anybody else for your
lack of success or your position in life
it’s on you to go out and fix it what I
would say too though is that the
environment matters and that the more
you have success around you whether its
environment books videos that you’re
watching the more that you surround
yourself with that it can lift you up to
want to go off and be that best version
of you so so far so good let’s move on
to number three
just to start take your rights and
trying to become a fashion and beauty
blogger and mert and earn money from it
full time but I have some kind of mental
block and procrastination problem this
is something that we see over and over
and over again and it’s this idea that
you don’t ever start
you stay trapped in your head and if you
feel paralyzed if you’ve been spinning
the same ideas over and over and over
again then you know what I’m talking
about
you see many of you are thinking way too
Vic you’re attaching way too much
pressure on the things that you’re
interested in until you start blogging
about fashion you won’t even know if you
like it so thinking that you have a
dream about doing it and thinking that
you have this grand plan that you’re
gonna do it full-time it is a complete
and utter waste of your time to be
dreaming that big and let me tell you
why because oftentimes if you’re the
kind of person like Vicky that’s getting
trapped up here the bigness of what
you’re thinking about is what’s stopping
you what I want you to do if you’re in
Vicki’s situation is I want you to stop
dreaming and I want you to just start
doing small things I want you to go back
to curiosity and less into crushing your
big goals you think about life and
business and success is that you have to
be willing to start and for people that
procrastinate starting is the hardest
part for people that worry for people
that think too big starting is the
hardest part folks that study
procrastination talk about the fact that
the only way to beat procrastination is
to create what they call a starting
ritual which is a way to push yourself
to get started because all the research
shows that if we can push you to get
started on something you’ll likely keep
going so I’m a big believer that you
need to think big but act small that a
big dream a big goal can actually be
motivated and inspiring for you to get
up and go and do some work like you’re
chasing a big mission but then you need
to do something about it can’t you be
thinking about it all day long you got
to actually go and take action so think
big have that dream that goal that
you’re chasing but you gotta actually do
something about it act small take the
steps you need every day to move forward
on it moving on the rule number four
follow your heart
I’m the kind of person that believes you
should always make decisions with your
heart and soul you can use your brain
for math you can use your brain to look
at the
fine print and a contract but when it
comes to the actual feel of the decision
you always want to go inward and check
it against your heart and soul how do
you do that here’s the simple test does
the decision that you’re about to make
expand you expand your future or expand
the possibilities of your life if the
answer is yes then the decision is yes
no matter how terrifying it is if you
conversely look at the choice that you
have to make and the decision will
shrink you will silence you will inhibit
you in some way then the answer is no no
matter how easy the decision is no
matter how safe the decision is the
answer is no now one of the things I
want to point out that when you start to
use this does it expand or does it
shrink me does it open possibilities or
does it keep things closed does it raise
my voice or does it silence me right is
that there’s always a short-term and a
long-term impact to the decision the
short-term impact to making an expansive
decision a decision that’s based in your
heart in your soul sometimes it’s
terrifying because sometimes it means
moving or it means changing a job or
changing a relationship or having a
difficult conversation or starting
something new and those sorts of things
are always uncomfortable so brace for
impact
put the force fields up but make the
decision anyway because the long-term
impact of making a decision from your
heart and soul that is where the best
life comes from because you’re living
for what’s true for you not what’s safe
in the moment I like to say you make the
big decisions with the heart and the
small ones of the head you need both but
your head only understands the world
that currently exists where your heart
can make in the world that has been
created yet so whatever big thing you’re
chasing make that with your heart even
though it doesn’t make practical logical
sense yet you don’t know how it’s gonna
work out that’s the head big decisions
with the heart and then ask your head
the questions to help you figure out the
how moving on rule number five control
your thoughts we spend a lot of time
talking about
mindset from the standpoint of think
positive so positive things happen and I
do believe in having a positive mindset
obviously I think that the actions that
you take are way more important in terms
of developing that mindset but we don’t
spend enough time on what you were just
talking about which is understanding how
the automatic nature of worrying about
stuff all day long how that is making
you less money how it is making you less
happy how it is disconnecting you from
your spouse how it is keeping you
unhealthy and how it is a habit that
robs you of joy and opportunity and
power and it is one of the easiest
habits to break number one your life
happens in five-second windows number
two in five seconds you can control what
you think you can decide what you’re
going to do and you can change
absolutely anything which changes
absolutely everything and so the
five-second rule is a mind trick that’s
all that it is a fancy way to call it as
a you know it’s a form of metacognition
but it’s basically a hack it’s a cheat
code okay and the way that it works and
this is the challenge with getting it
out there is that it sounds so
profoundly stupid like a gimmick that it
took a while for people to actually take
it seriously I get that and to really
stack up the science to make you know
anybody that interacts with it go holy
shit like this actually works yeah so
here’s what it is basically the moment
you catch yourself hesitating or
doubting or starting to worry or about
to chicken out or shrink or shut up or
whatever it is that you’re about to do
that is shrinking your power you just go
5 4 3 2 1 you count backwards 5 4 3 2 1
what happens when you do that don’t do
it out loud because it’ll scare somebody
it’s like going to be 5
exactly although you know we say it’s
it’s so simple that people live skit in
the making I would love that because
that means I’ve really made it through
your kids will use it on you so my kids
will use it on me so if I have a certain
tone that comes out I’ll hear my child
here we’ll go 5 4 through watch that
tone mom you know just alright mom 5 4 3
2 1 I thought you’re gonna go to the gym
yes
so by counting backwards the the kind of
cheat code that you’re doing in your
mind is you are interrupting what are
called habit loops that get encoded in
the central part of your brain and you
are starting up the prefrontal cortex
it’s a little trick that causes focus
and it’s it’s a lot like having a mantra
because you’re shifting gears but the
thing about having a mantra is and I
suppose that as you count backwards more
and more and more you become used to it
but it becomes a habit that triggers
action so what you do is go 5 4 3 2 1
cut off this part of the brain awaken
this part of the brain and then move and
what happens with the counting backwards
is there’s nowhere to go after one and
your mind is socialized in a countdown
situation to go and so counting up won’t
work
because you can keep it forever and you
do it in many aspects of your life so
it’s actually not something that
requires any focus I love this clip and
I think it’s a great example to people
to use if you catch yourself in the
moment feeling scary feeling nervous
feeling anxious and you need to go off
and take some action I think the bigger
game is even trying to understand how to
catch yourself because most of the
things that you do are so subconscious
is so automatic you play small by
default and you don’t even catch
yourself that you need to use the
five-second rule or another method to
help you through it and so I love the
here Mel’s thoughts on how to catch
yourself dealing it to this not just
automatically playing small by default
we’ll see maybe she answered that later
on in this series but let’s
move on for now that rule number six
push yourself through the fear and I
think everybody has fear all wrong
people have so many theories about fear
they talk about while I’m afraid of
success now I’m afraid of failure I’m
afraid of intimacy I’m afraid of heights
I’m afraid of this I’m afraid of that
I’m afraid of the other thing there’s
actually only two fears only two and if
you’re in sales which you are or even if
you’re not life is about persuading
people life is about influencing people
and fear is the invisible force that
will make you ineffective at that it
will stop you now I love JK Rollins as
an example I mean we all know the Harry
Potter series but what a lot of people
don’t know about her she talks a lot
about fear she struggled with major
depression do you know she was
unemployed and she wrote the original
idea for Harry Potter on a napkin while
she was on state benefits she was then
rejected by 12 publishing houses and
this by the way was after she was
divorced bankrupt and a single mom of a
kid pushed herself pushed herself pushed
herself she talks a lot about fear and
about failure well you know we know the
moral of the story she just kept going
of course she was afraid but she had the
good kind of fear not the bad kind of
fear I love the message about pushing
through fear and I think too many people
try to tell you don’t be afraid don’t be
afraid for me it’s that fear is real
that fear is absolutely real but so what
like all the greatest things in life
will come from the other side of that
fear and you need to push through that
fear to get to that great place you want
to be let’s move to rule number seven
start your day right here’s what I do
to help myself stay focused
first things first when I wake up in the
morning I do not sleep next to my phone
the reason why I don’t sleep next to my
phone is because if you sleep next to it
or use it as your alarm your tendency is
to look at it while you’re in bed that
means that you’re checking email before
you’ve even thought about what your
priorities are do not do that that’s tip
number one tip number two I have a pad
of post-it notes
yes post-it notes next to my sink in
that my bathroom
well because after I brush my teeth
haven’t looked at my phone yet I take a
post-it note out and I write the three
things I need to focus on today and then
you know what I do with it I stick it on
the back of my phone now why would I do
that because I have my phone with me all
the time and so if it’s on the back of
my phone I’m gonna get a visual cue to
remind me exhibit top of mine so I stay
focused on it third thing that I do it’s
a little trick I call 30 before 7:30
what that means I spend 30 minutes
before 7:30 a.m. just focused on getting
my day organized and getting a few of
the things that are my top priorities
either finished or further down the
field
that’s 30 minutes before 7:30 a.m. it’s
time for me if you utilize those three
things don’t sleep with your phone right
after you brush your teeth right out
your three priorities and stick it on
the back of your phone just like this
and spend 30 minutes before 7:30 for
yourself I promise you you’ll be shocked
and how much more focused you are and
you feel so I’m a huge fan of morning
routines the three things that I do
every morning one I read a page from my
book
dr. ho is a success just to get that
inspiration that wasn’t that push from
people who’ve done some amazing
legendary things to drink a big glass of
water and three I took the tip from Mel
Robbins and I write down on a sticky
note my three goals for the day and
stick it on the back of my phone I’m a
huge fan of that and anybody who follows
me on snapchat Instagram Twitter you can
see me every day posting my daily
routine it’s so so so important to have
a routine that starts you off feeling
successful feeling whatever your one
word is that sets you up for an amazing
day
I think this rule number seven is going
to be my favorite so far because I took
that sticky note back from Mel and I’m
applying it to my life so so far this is
my favorite but let’s see what we got
next rule number eight is make a change
what’s fascinates me about human beings
and it fascinates me about myself is
that we have such a high tolerance for
suckiness isn’t it crazy as long as the
suckiness as a routine but the second
you get thrown out of your routine or
the second that whether it’s because you
lose a job or somebody moves or somebody
dies or somebody breaks up with you or
you break like all of a sudden that
awakens the courage in you to make a
change because she you know either you
have no choice or now you got a problem
to solve but fighting that inertia of
life is the most difficult thing in the
world I ended up getting a job with a
law firm because it was the path of
least resistance in Boston in Boston I
hated it
because I went from being in the
courtroom to writing briefs all day and
luckily I got pregnant with our first
daughter who just is starting college
which makes me feel so ancient
I just want to like punch myself in the
face if I have a 18 year old freshman in
college um thank you but I got pregnant
with her and when she was born I had
horrific postpartum depression Wow
I mean the really scary kind where you
can’t be alone with the baby you’re on
crazy meds that turn you at like not the
kind you take recreationally these are
the kind that like turn you into a
zombie and it was a really scary thing
and I I when I kind of came out of the
eight-week trance of that I looked up at
Chris and said I’ve made a decision and
he said okay what would that be and I
said I don’t ever want to answer the
question what do you do for a living
with the response I’m a lawyer and he
said okay you realize we’ve just bought
this house and we have a kid and we have
mortgage to pay and he said so here’s
the deal you’ve got exactly four weeks
before your maternity leave is over
you need to make $60,000 I don’t care
what you do for a living that’s your
problem go solve it and the night before
I was supposed to read so I networked
like a crazy person cuz again if you’re
a human being with the problem you’ll
solve it yeah and so if it matters
enough to and so I got a job and this
was the first convo in Boston I got a
job the night before I was supposed to
go back for me I think it’s really
important that you take careful
consideration about your environment
because you may have these life-changing
situations right you may have a daughter
that’s being born it forces you to have
a different discussion or a different
way of thinking but for the most part
she’s right we just embrace the suck we
just keep doing the same thing over and
over and over again because there’s
nothing around this is pushing us to do
better or to be more and so that’s why
having an environment and a morning
routine that sets you up for success is
so important that’s why I read a page in
this book every day to get me thinking
bigger more inspired as well watch the
videos is why I have this office right I
walk in here every morning and instead
of just another
continuing on and your usual habits
routine it forces you to think bigger
and to be more and deduce something on a
bigger scale with your life and so I
think if you want to make those big
changes changing your environment and
your routine is going to be super
important I love this rule it’s a tough
one I think I’m still gonna keep number
seven of the last one is my personal
favorite so far coming up rule number
nine is be more selfish you have to be a
little selfish in life yeah nobody’s
gonna ride in and create your nonprofit
for you nobody else is gonna show your
children what it looks like to be
somebody that makes things happen nobody
else is going to show your children what
it looks like to be a woman that goes
out into the world and follows her
dreams that is one of the most important
things that you can do as a mother as
far as I’m concerned whether you work
whether you volunteer that you have
things that you’re passionate about and
that you have the self love and the
discipline to actually go after them
that is what your children need to see
for me they got the love the thing am i
selfish of yes yes
yes you are selfish and that you’re
getting your MBA you’re helping your
family run a company you have this
vision to do a non-profit and you’re
gonna do it you’re selfish and I love
that about every person every woman in
particular should be more selfish period
I think what’s important understanding
here is the more that you are selfish
and doing things that you love doing it
without trying to hurt other people and
makes you come alive like if you are off
chasing some big business goal dream of
yours you’ve always wanted to do it
it’ll make you come alive and bring more
energy and joy and happiness to every
part of your life to your friends to
your family to your relationships every
part but if you feel like you’re in a
stuck dead-end job doing crap day after
day after day guess what you bring home
you bring home crap and low energy
negativity every day and so by being
selfish it’s actually selfless by being
selfish you’re actually helping
everybody around you at the same time
and so I think it’s a really really
important point and I’m glad we included
them in this list all right can we not
number 10 hustle I just got done with a
10-day trip where we did nine different
events let me take you on the road with
me for ten weeks let me or ten days and
let me show you what’s actually involved
with that it’s the work that isn’t fun
that nobody sees and nobody wants to do
that will make your dreams come true is
very collapse
[Music]
[Music]
once I have a cup of coffee I’ll feel a
lot better
I literally legit have I don’t even know
what time it is thinking about stage in
an hour
there are no shortcuts to success and
guess what once you get successful
there’s gonna be a lot of sucky things
that you have to do as you’re successful
I want to go to Hawaii lumbus on a
red-eye get off Hawaii on a Jedi
particle stretch this is day 9 of a 10
day trip this is City seven of eight
cities and grandma here is about to get
out of Lane and sleep in a chair I’m
delirious she was over here but never
bitch about getting to live your dreams
never feels like you think it’s going to
and you get everything you’ve ever
wanted and I’ll tell you it feels a lot
more rewarding and a lot more exhausting
than I ever thought this would
so thank you guys so much for watching I
hope you enjoyed rule number seven is my
personal favorite and I’d love to know
which one you guys like the best which
rule had the biggest impact on you what
you’re going to immediately apply
somehow into your life or your business
please leave it down the comments below
I’m excited to hear what you have to say
I made this video because Francesca
sugar art asked me to so if there’s a
famous entrepreneur that you I’m going
to profile next check out the link in
description there is a video where you
can go and cast your vote I also want to
give a quick shout out to Alina blasquez
Alina thank you so much for picking up a
copy of my book your one word and doing
the review on your channel and posting
it to social media
I really really appreciate the support
and I’m so glad you enjoyed the read so
thank you guys again for watching I
believe in you I hope you continue to
believe in yourself and whatever you’re
one where it is much love
I’ll see you soon
I started to have these panic attacks
and I didn’t know what was wrong and I
went to see one of the like health
people at campus and they referred me to
somebody and the doctor said oh well you
just have anxiety and you’re having
panic and and then he said I think you
should go on Zoloft and then I had
anxiety about taking a drug because you
know it might change me heaven forbid
right yeah hi I’m so stable why would I
want to be changed to felt like and
that’s the funny thing is that is that
those of us that struggle with these
kinds of things
we’re terrified of taking any kind of
medication because we’re afraid of not
being ourselves and yet the anxiety or
the depression or whatever you struggle
with is actually keeping you from being
yourself that’s anxiety or that’s the
anchor yeah yeah and so I argued with
him like a lawyer for six months and
then finally I gave in and started
taking Zoloft and it was like a miracle
when I took it it was literally as if
somebody had taken a volume dial and
turned it to zero and that voice that
would sound off in my head on a loop
that triggered all the body sensations
we were to talk a lot about this
tomorrow like the difference between
worry and how that triggers anxiety and
then the difference between anxiety and
panic and then how you can utilize the
tools that I’m talking about to curb the
worrying to control the anxiety to
stabilize the panic and like really self
monitor and see I think that is the
single greatest skill that anybody could
have the ability to self monitor you
could call it mindset you could call it
self-awareness but truly to be so in
tune with yourself that in a nanosecond
you pick up when things are going south
with your thoughts that you understand
how to monitor yourself your behavior
what you’re thinking so that you align
with your values and your choices and
for the first 40 years of my life I
didn’t know how to do that
full volume yeah the most important work
ever if you had to think of one word
that’s most important to you or that
sums you Apple
that would be collect a little beacon
pay believe nation if you want to know
what the most important one word is for
Tony Robbins Gary Vaynerchuk Oprah
Winfrey will.i.am and Howard Schultz I
have a very special secret video for you
check the description for details
[Music]
waiting for permission control your
thoughts and push yourself through fear
then this video is for you if you are
somebody that is sitting around waiting
for some external force to come and do
the work for you that is such a losing
bet it’s unbelievable and so the
five-second rule is a mind trick that’s
all that it is people have so many
theories about fear they talk about oh
I’m afraid of success now I’m afraid of
failure I’m afraid of intimacy I’m
afraid of heights I’m afraid of this I’m
afraid of that I’m afraid of the other
thing there’s actually only two fears
need motivation watch a top 10 with
believe nation what’s up it seven my one
word is believe and I believe in you I
want to see that amazing thing that’s
inside here come out and explode into
the world so let’s get your motivation
to attend and get you believing in you
today we’re gonna learn from a woman who
went from studying history in college
and becoming a lawyer to being a
best-selling author and one of CNN’s
most popular on-air commentators she’s
Mel Robbins and here’s my take on her
top ten rules of success volume 3 enjoy
so leading us off rule number one is
make decisions that energize you I
believe that passion is another word for
energy that’s it what do you have energy
for what energizes you and that we
naturally have a tremendous amount of
body wisdom about that and that every
one of us has an internal fuel tank that
is either empty or full and if you’re
empty you feel depleted if you’re full
you feel energized and so if you simply
are in any situation I mean any
situation and you pay attention within
five seconds to does this person
energize me do they deplete me where are
they in the scale you just gain some
tremendous wisdom and you the simple way
to start to figure out who you are and
what you want is start aligning yourself
with more things that energize you
so situationally if you’re lying in bed
and the snooze alarm goes or the alarm
goes off and you feel depleted and you
start reaching for the snooze button
that’s a really big sign that you need
to get out of bed now being depleted
versus energized has nothing to do with
whether or not things are hard or easy
it has to do with what naturally
actually either expands you or shrinks
you and so if you look at your client
list and measure it depleted versus
energized what shrinks versus expands me
you have the actual map and when you
start to find the courage to make
decisions that energize you and that
expand you whether they’re scary ish or
not that’s when everything changes and
so that’s how I actually make business
decisions is this I don’t even like the
money conversation comes second it’s
does this deplete or energize me
and if it
pleats me how do you move it in that
direction or how do I stay sane oh if it
energizes me how do I do more because if
you are energized or expanded by
something you will do it for no money
you will do it happily and you will
suddenly wake up and say oh my gosh like
my heart I’m pursuing my passion how did
that happen I love this clip I think
it’s a strong opening I’m a big believer
in it I think finding your one word also
really helps I use that as what makes me
feel believe what what in my office
makes me feel believe who are the people
who makes me feel believed that give me
energy and when you figure that out it’s
just so much easier to live your life
and to run a successful business let’s
go to rule number two stop waiting for
permission a lot of you feel stuck
because you’re waiting for some kind of
external force to either push you and
pressure you to change and to be great
and to be amazing or you’re waiting for
somebody to give you permission you’re
either sitting back because you need
some sort of external motivation from
somebody that’s gonna push you or praise
you or pressure you in order to change
or some life circumstance like maybe in
your past you’ve you’ve experienced
trauma or you face something really
scary and that was the thing that made
you change and then the second thing
that people wait around for is
permission
look those may or may not come in your
life if you are somebody that is sitting
around waiting for some external force
to come and do the work for you that is
such a losing bet it’s unbelievable
maybe you’ll get lucky maybe somebody
will come but more than likely no one is
coming
the only kind of force that will truly
create change in your life is you the
internal kind of force I hate to say it
but for those of you that feel really
really stuck and you keep thinking that
somebody’s got to pick me or somebody’s
gonna discover me or somebody’s got to
give me permission to write this book
it’s it’s ridiculous this is external
versus internal force
and what you have to figure out if
you’re stuck is are you the kind of
person that is guilty of needing wanting
and waiting for external forces people
an event some outside force to kick you
in the ass so that you’ll finally do the
stuff that you’ve been dreaming about
doing I want to tell you something no
one’s coming no one the people in life
that get what they want are the ones
that aren’t waiting for an external
force to validate their dreams to
inspire them to give them permission
it’s the people that realize that
success but happiness that control it
comes from the internal force and what
is the internal force it’s you it’s you
it’s you being able to realize that no
one’s gonna do the work for you it’s you
realizing that you’re never gonna feel
ready
in fact even as you start working toward
the things that you really want to do
you’re definitely not gonna feel ready
and you’re gonna feel outside your
comfort zone and that’s normal when you
start to feel like you’re stretching
yourself and you’re sticking your
scrawny neck out there and you’re taking
some risks that’s amazing
cuz you’re growing I love this point is
my favorite so far
good job mal I think it just comes down
to taking acceptance and responsibility
for your life you are where you are
because of you nobody else you don’t
need anybody’s permission and it’s also
you’re not blaming anybody else for your
lack of success or your position in life
it’s on you to go out and fix it what I
would say too though is that the
environment matters and that the more
you have success around you whether its
environment books videos that you’re
watching the more that you surround
yourself with that it can lift you up to
want to go off and be that best version
of you so so far so good let’s move on
to number three
just to start take your rights and
trying to become a fashion and beauty
blogger and mert and earn money from it
full time but I have some kind of mental
block and procrastination problem this
is something that we see over and over
and over again and it’s this idea that
you don’t ever start
you stay trapped in your head and if you
feel paralyzed if you’ve been spinning
the same ideas over and over and over
again then you know what I’m talking
about
you see many of you are thinking way too
Vic you’re attaching way too much
pressure on the things that you’re
interested in until you start blogging
about fashion you won’t even know if you
like it so thinking that you have a
dream about doing it and thinking that
you have this grand plan that you’re
gonna do it full-time it is a complete
and utter waste of your time to be
dreaming that big and let me tell you
why because oftentimes if you’re the
kind of person like Vicky that’s getting
trapped up here the bigness of what
you’re thinking about is what’s stopping
you what I want you to do if you’re in
Vicki’s situation is I want you to stop
dreaming and I want you to just start
doing small things I want you to go back
to curiosity and less into crushing your
big goals you think about life and
business and success is that you have to
be willing to start and for people that
procrastinate starting is the hardest
part for people that worry for people
that think too big starting is the
hardest part folks that study
procrastination talk about the fact that
the only way to beat procrastination is
to create what they call a starting
ritual which is a way to push yourself
to get started because all the research
shows that if we can push you to get
started on something you’ll likely keep
going so I’m a big believer that you
need to think big but act small that a
big dream a big goal can actually be
motivated and inspiring for you to get
up and go and do some work like you’re
chasing a big mission but then you need
to do something about it can’t you be
thinking about it all day long you got
to actually go and take action so think
big have that dream that goal that
you’re chasing but you gotta actually do
something about it act small take the
steps you need every day to move forward
on it moving on the rule number four
follow your heart
I’m the kind of person that believes you
should always make decisions with your
heart and soul you can use your brain
for math you can use your brain to look
at the
fine print and a contract but when it
comes to the actual feel of the decision
you always want to go inward and check
it against your heart and soul how do
you do that here’s the simple test does
the decision that you’re about to make
expand you expand your future or expand
the possibilities of your life if the
answer is yes then the decision is yes
no matter how terrifying it is if you
conversely look at the choice that you
have to make and the decision will
shrink you will silence you will inhibit
you in some way then the answer is no no
matter how easy the decision is no
matter how safe the decision is the
answer is no now one of the things I
want to point out that when you start to
use this does it expand or does it
shrink me does it open possibilities or
does it keep things closed does it raise
my voice or does it silence me right is
that there’s always a short-term and a
long-term impact to the decision the
short-term impact to making an expansive
decision a decision that’s based in your
heart in your soul sometimes it’s
terrifying because sometimes it means
moving or it means changing a job or
changing a relationship or having a
difficult conversation or starting
something new and those sorts of things
are always uncomfortable so brace for
impact
put the force fields up but make the
decision anyway because the long-term
impact of making a decision from your
heart and soul that is where the best
life comes from because you’re living
for what’s true for you not what’s safe
in the moment I like to say you make the
big decisions with the heart and the
small ones of the head you need both but
your head only understands the world
that currently exists where your heart
can make in the world that has been
created yet so whatever big thing you’re
chasing make that with your heart even
though it doesn’t make practical logical
sense yet you don’t know how it’s gonna
work out that’s the head big decisions
with the heart and then ask your head
the questions to help you figure out the
how moving on rule number five control
your thoughts we spend a lot of time
talking about
mindset from the standpoint of think
positive so positive things happen and I
do believe in having a positive mindset
obviously I think that the actions that
you take are way more important in terms
of developing that mindset but we don’t
spend enough time on what you were just
talking about which is understanding how
the automatic nature of worrying about
stuff all day long how that is making
you less money how it is making you less
happy how it is disconnecting you from
your spouse how it is keeping you
unhealthy and how it is a habit that
robs you of joy and opportunity and
power and it is one of the easiest
habits to break number one your life
happens in five-second windows number
two in five seconds you can control what
you think you can decide what you’re
going to do and you can change
absolutely anything which changes
absolutely everything and so the
five-second rule is a mind trick that’s
all that it is a fancy way to call it as
a you know it’s a form of metacognition
but it’s basically a hack it’s a cheat
code okay and the way that it works and
this is the challenge with getting it
out there is that it sounds so
profoundly stupid like a gimmick that it
took a while for people to actually take
it seriously I get that and to really
stack up the science to make you know
anybody that interacts with it go holy
shit like this actually works yeah so
here’s what it is basically the moment
you catch yourself hesitating or
doubting or starting to worry or about
to chicken out or shrink or shut up or
whatever it is that you’re about to do
that is shrinking your power you just go
5 4 3 2 1 you count backwards 5 4 3 2 1
what happens when you do that don’t do
it out loud because it’ll scare somebody
it’s like going to be 5
exactly although you know we say it’s
it’s so simple that people live skit in
the making I would love that because
that means I’ve really made it through
your kids will use it on you so my kids
will use it on me so if I have a certain
tone that comes out I’ll hear my child
here we’ll go 5 4 through watch that
tone mom you know just alright mom 5 4 3
2 1 I thought you’re gonna go to the gym
yes
so by counting backwards the the kind of
cheat code that you’re doing in your
mind is you are interrupting what are
called habit loops that get encoded in
the central part of your brain and you
are starting up the prefrontal cortex
it’s a little trick that causes focus
and it’s it’s a lot like having a mantra
because you’re shifting gears but the
thing about having a mantra is and I
suppose that as you count backwards more
and more and more you become used to it
but it becomes a habit that triggers
action so what you do is go 5 4 3 2 1
cut off this part of the brain awaken
this part of the brain and then move and
what happens with the counting backwards
is there’s nowhere to go after one and
your mind is socialized in a countdown
situation to go and so counting up won’t
work
because you can keep it forever and you
do it in many aspects of your life so
it’s actually not something that
requires any focus I love this clip and
I think it’s a great example to people
to use if you catch yourself in the
moment feeling scary feeling nervous
feeling anxious and you need to go off
and take some action I think the bigger
game is even trying to understand how to
catch yourself because most of the
things that you do are so subconscious
is so automatic you play small by
default and you don’t even catch
yourself that you need to use the
five-second rule or another method to
help you through it and so I love the
here Mel’s thoughts on how to catch
yourself dealing it to this not just
automatically playing small by default
we’ll see maybe she answered that later
on in this series but let’s
move on for now that rule number six
push yourself through the fear and I
think everybody has fear all wrong
people have so many theories about fear
they talk about while I’m afraid of
success now I’m afraid of failure I’m
afraid of intimacy I’m afraid of heights
I’m afraid of this I’m afraid of that
I’m afraid of the other thing there’s
actually only two fears only two and if
you’re in sales which you are or even if
you’re not life is about persuading
people life is about influencing people
and fear is the invisible force that
will make you ineffective at that it
will stop you now I love JK Rollins as
an example I mean we all know the Harry
Potter series but what a lot of people
don’t know about her she talks a lot
about fear she struggled with major
depression do you know she was
unemployed and she wrote the original
idea for Harry Potter on a napkin while
she was on state benefits she was then
rejected by 12 publishing houses and
this by the way was after she was
divorced bankrupt and a single mom of a
kid pushed herself pushed herself pushed
herself she talks a lot about fear and
about failure well you know we know the
moral of the story she just kept going
of course she was afraid but she had the
good kind of fear not the bad kind of
fear I love the message about pushing
through fear and I think too many people
try to tell you don’t be afraid don’t be
afraid for me it’s that fear is real
that fear is absolutely real but so what
like all the greatest things in life
will come from the other side of that
fear and you need to push through that
fear to get to that great place you want
to be let’s move to rule number seven
start your day right here’s what I do
to help myself stay focused
first things first when I wake up in the
morning I do not sleep next to my phone
the reason why I don’t sleep next to my
phone is because if you sleep next to it
or use it as your alarm your tendency is
to look at it while you’re in bed that
means that you’re checking email before
you’ve even thought about what your
priorities are do not do that that’s tip
number one tip number two I have a pad
of post-it notes
yes post-it notes next to my sink in
that my bathroom
well because after I brush my teeth
haven’t looked at my phone yet I take a
post-it note out and I write the three
things I need to focus on today and then
you know what I do with it I stick it on
the back of my phone now why would I do
that because I have my phone with me all
the time and so if it’s on the back of
my phone I’m gonna get a visual cue to
remind me exhibit top of mine so I stay
focused on it third thing that I do it’s
a little trick I call 30 before 7:30
what that means I spend 30 minutes
before 7:30 a.m. just focused on getting
my day organized and getting a few of
the things that are my top priorities
either finished or further down the
field
that’s 30 minutes before 7:30 a.m. it’s
time for me if you utilize those three
things don’t sleep with your phone right
after you brush your teeth right out
your three priorities and stick it on
the back of your phone just like this
and spend 30 minutes before 7:30 for
yourself I promise you you’ll be shocked
and how much more focused you are and
you feel so I’m a huge fan of morning
routines the three things that I do
every morning one I read a page from my
book
dr. ho is a success just to get that
inspiration that wasn’t that push from
people who’ve done some amazing
legendary things to drink a big glass of
water and three I took the tip from Mel
Robbins and I write down on a sticky
note my three goals for the day and
stick it on the back of my phone I’m a
huge fan of that and anybody who follows
me on snapchat Instagram Twitter you can
see me every day posting my daily
routine it’s so so so important to have
a routine that starts you off feeling
successful feeling whatever your one
word is that sets you up for an amazing
day
I think this rule number seven is going
to be my favorite so far because I took
that sticky note back from Mel and I’m
applying it to my life so so far this is
my favorite but let’s see what we got
next rule number eight is make a change
what’s fascinates me about human beings
and it fascinates me about myself is
that we have such a high tolerance for
suckiness isn’t it crazy as long as the
suckiness as a routine but the second
you get thrown out of your routine or
the second that whether it’s because you
lose a job or somebody moves or somebody
dies or somebody breaks up with you or
you break like all of a sudden that
awakens the courage in you to make a
change because she you know either you
have no choice or now you got a problem
to solve but fighting that inertia of
life is the most difficult thing in the
world I ended up getting a job with a
law firm because it was the path of
least resistance in Boston in Boston I
hated it
because I went from being in the
courtroom to writing briefs all day and
luckily I got pregnant with our first
daughter who just is starting college
which makes me feel so ancient
I just want to like punch myself in the
face if I have a 18 year old freshman in
college um thank you but I got pregnant
with her and when she was born I had
horrific postpartum depression Wow
I mean the really scary kind where you
can’t be alone with the baby you’re on
crazy meds that turn you at like not the
kind you take recreationally these are
the kind that like turn you into a
zombie and it was a really scary thing
and I I when I kind of came out of the
eight-week trance of that I looked up at
Chris and said I’ve made a decision and
he said okay what would that be and I
said I don’t ever want to answer the
question what do you do for a living
with the response I’m a lawyer and he
said okay you realize we’ve just bought
this house and we have a kid and we have
mortgage to pay and he said so here’s
the deal you’ve got exactly four weeks
before your maternity leave is over
you need to make $60,000 I don’t care
what you do for a living that’s your
problem go solve it and the night before
I was supposed to read so I networked
like a crazy person cuz again if you’re
a human being with the problem you’ll
solve it yeah and so if it matters
enough to and so I got a job and this
was the first convo in Boston I got a
job the night before I was supposed to
go back for me I think it’s really
important that you take careful
consideration about your environment
because you may have these life-changing
situations right you may have a daughter
that’s being born it forces you to have
a different discussion or a different
way of thinking but for the most part
she’s right we just embrace the suck we
just keep doing the same thing over and
over and over again because there’s
nothing around this is pushing us to do
better or to be more and so that’s why
having an environment and a morning
routine that sets you up for success is
so important that’s why I read a page in
this book every day to get me thinking
bigger more inspired as well watch the
videos is why I have this office right I
walk in here every morning and instead
of just another
continuing on and your usual habits
routine it forces you to think bigger
and to be more and deduce something on a
bigger scale with your life and so I
think if you want to make those big
changes changing your environment and
your routine is going to be super
important I love this rule it’s a tough
one I think I’m still gonna keep number
seven of the last one is my personal
favorite so far coming up rule number
nine is be more selfish you have to be a
little selfish in life yeah nobody’s
gonna ride in and create your nonprofit
for you nobody else is gonna show your
children what it looks like to be
somebody that makes things happen nobody
else is going to show your children what
it looks like to be a woman that goes
out into the world and follows her
dreams that is one of the most important
things that you can do as a mother as
far as I’m concerned whether you work
whether you volunteer that you have
things that you’re passionate about and
that you have the self love and the
discipline to actually go after them
that is what your children need to see
for me they got the love the thing am i
selfish of yes yes
yes you are selfish and that you’re
getting your MBA you’re helping your
family run a company you have this
vision to do a non-profit and you’re
gonna do it you’re selfish and I love
that about every person every woman in
particular should be more selfish period
I think what’s important understanding
here is the more that you are selfish
and doing things that you love doing it
without trying to hurt other people and
makes you come alive like if you are off
chasing some big business goal dream of
yours you’ve always wanted to do it
it’ll make you come alive and bring more
energy and joy and happiness to every
part of your life to your friends to
your family to your relationships every
part but if you feel like you’re in a
stuck dead-end job doing crap day after
day after day guess what you bring home
you bring home crap and low energy
negativity every day and so by being
selfish it’s actually selfless by being
selfish you’re actually helping
everybody around you at the same time
and so I think it’s a really really
important point and I’m glad we included
them in this list all right can we not
number 10 hustle I just got done with a
10-day trip where we did nine different
events let me take you on the road with
me for ten weeks let me or ten days and
let me show you what’s actually involved
with that it’s the work that isn’t fun
that nobody sees and nobody wants to do
that will make your dreams come true is
very collapse
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once I have a cup of coffee I’ll feel a
lot better
I literally legit have I don’t even know
what time it is thinking about stage in
an hour
there are no shortcuts to success and
guess what once you get successful
there’s gonna be a lot of sucky things
that you have to do as you’re successful
I want to go to Hawaii lumbus on a
red-eye get off Hawaii on a Jedi
particle stretch this is day 9 of a 10
day trip this is City seven of eight
cities and grandma here is about to get
out of Lane and sleep in a chair I’m
delirious she was over here but never
bitch about getting to live your dreams
never feels like you think it’s going to
and you get everything you’ve ever
wanted and I’ll tell you it feels a lot
more rewarding and a lot more exhausting
than I ever thought this would
so thank you guys so much for watching I
hope you enjoyed rule number seven is my
personal favorite and I’d love to know
which one you guys like the best which
rule had the biggest impact on you what
you’re going to immediately apply
somehow into your life or your business
please leave it down the comments below
I’m excited to hear what you have to say
I made this video because Francesca
sugar art asked me to so if there’s a
famous entrepreneur that you I’m going
to profile next check out the link in
description there is a video where you
can go and cast your vote I also want to
give a quick shout out to Alina blasquez
Alina thank you so much for picking up a
copy of my book your one word and doing
the review on your channel and posting
it to social media
I really really appreciate the support
and I’m so glad you enjoyed the read so
thank you guys again for watching I
believe in you I hope you continue to
believe in yourself and whatever you’re
one where it is much love
I’ll see you soon
I started to have these panic attacks
and I didn’t know what was wrong and I
went to see one of the like health
people at campus and they referred me to
somebody and the doctor said oh well you
just have anxiety and you’re having
panic and and then he said I think you
should go on Zoloft and then I had
anxiety about taking a drug because you
know it might change me heaven forbid
right yeah hi I’m so stable why would I
want to be changed to felt like and
that’s the funny thing is that is that
those of us that struggle with these
kinds of things
we’re terrified of taking any kind of
medication because we’re afraid of not
being ourselves and yet the anxiety or
the depression or whatever you struggle
with is actually keeping you from being
yourself that’s anxiety or that’s the
anchor yeah yeah and so I argued with
him like a lawyer for six months and
then finally I gave in and started
taking Zoloft and it was like a miracle
when I took it it was literally as if
somebody had taken a volume dial and
turned it to zero and that voice that
would sound off in my head on a loop
that triggered all the body sensations
we were to talk a lot about this
tomorrow like the difference between
worry and how that triggers anxiety and
then the difference between anxiety and
panic and then how you can utilize the
tools that I’m talking about to curb the
worrying to control the anxiety to
stabilize the panic and like really self
monitor and see I think that is the
single greatest skill that anybody could
have the ability to self monitor you
could call it mindset you could call it
self-awareness but truly to be so in
tune with yourself that in a nanosecond
you pick up when things are going south
with your thoughts that you understand
how to monitor yourself your behavior
what you’re thinking so that you align
with your values and your choices and
for the first 40 years of my life I
didn’t know how to do that
full volume yeah the most important work
ever if you had to think of one word
that’s most important to you or that
sums you Apple
that would be collect a little beacon
pay believe nation if you want to know
what the most important one word is for
Tony Robbins Gary Vaynerchuk Oprah
Winfrey will.i.am and Howard Schultz I
have a very special secret video for you
check the description for details
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