we bought into this this complete
falsehood that at some point you’re
gonna have the courage at some point
you’re gonna have the confidence and
it’s total bullsh frankly my life
changed a couple years ago when I
discovered something called the progress
principle my night routine is very
simple completed the day and leave no
tasks that I have to finish in the
what’s up belief nation in seven my one
weirdest believe and I believe in you I
believe you have Mel Robbins level
talent at something and I want you to
find it embrace it and use it to make a
difference now I started the mentor me
series to try to spend a little more
time with people who’ve done a lot more
than us and hopefully by spending that
extra time with them some of their
mindsets way of thinking strategies seep
in to us to help us become the best
version of ourselves so today we’re
gonna learn from one of the best Mel
Robbins and how to change form your life
[Music]
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one use the five second rule we bought
into this this complete falsehood that
at some point you’re gonna have the
courage at some point you’re gonna have
the confidence and it’s total
frankly I don’t really like to swear a
table so okay it’s it’s complete garbage
and so there are so many people in the
world and and and you know you may be
watching this right now and you have
these incredible ideas and what you
think is missing is motivation and
that’s not true because the way that our
minds are wired and the fact about human
beings is that we are not designed to do
things that are uncomfortable or scary
or difficult our brains are designed to
protect us from those things because our
brains are trying to keep us alive and
in order to change in order to build a
business in order to be the best parent
the best spouse to do all those things
that you know you want to do with your
life with your work with your dreams
you’re gonna have to do things that are
difficult uncertain or scary which sets
up this problem for all of us
you’re never gonna feel like it
motivations garbage you you only feel
motivated to do the things that are easy
one night Chris have gone to bed I had
been struggling struggling struggling we
still had all the same problems I we
stalled a lien on the house still facing
bankruptcy still fighting like crazy I
was still unemployed
he still they still haven’t figured out
like the solution yet for the business
and I was about to turn off the TV and
there on the TV there was this rocket
launching and I thought oh my gosh it I
am gonna launch myself out of bed like a
rocket ship like NASA right here had
launched me out of that bed and I’m
gonna move so fast that I don’t think
hmm I’m gonna beat my brain now here’s a
really interesting point I talked a lot
about your instincts and inner wisdom
and we can get into this a little bit
later but a lot of us talk about
the fact that you have a gut feeling but
what all this research that I’ve done
for the book and and all the speaking
that I do what I’ve discovered that’s
fascinating is actually when you set
goals when you have an intention on
something that you want to change about
your life your brain helps you what it
does is it opens up a checklist and then
your brain goes to work trying to remind
you yeah of that intention that you set
and it’s really important to develop the
skill and I say that word purposefully
the skill of knowing how to hear that
inner wisdom and that intention kicking
in and leaning into it quickly so for me
my brain saying that’s it right there
move as fast as a rocket Mel I wanted to
change my life and I think most people
that are miserable or that are that are
really like dying to be great and dying
to have more we want to change we want
to live a better life we want to create
more for our families we want to be
happier the the desire is there again
it’s about how do you go from knowledge
to actions so the first thing in the
story that’s important is realizing that
the answer was in me and my mind was
telling me pay attention I could have
also been the Bourbon anyway the next
morning the alarm goes off and I
pretended NASA was there it’s a
stupidest story I literally went 5 4 3 2
1 I counted out loud and then I stood up
and I’ll never forget standing there in
my bedroom it was dark it was cold it
was winter in Boston and for the first
time in 3 months I had beaten my habit
of hitting the snooze button I couldn’t
believe it and I thought wait a minute
counting backwards that is the dumbest
thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life
well the next morning I used it again
and it worked the next morning I used it
again and it worked the next morning I
used it again and it worked and then I
started to notice something really
interesting there were moments all day
long all day long just like that
five-second moment in bed where I
new knowledge what I should do and if I
didn’t move within five seconds my brain
would step in and talk me out of it
every human being has a five-second
window might even be shorter for you you
have about a five second window in which
you can move from idea to action before
your brain kicks into full gear and
sabotages any change in behavior because
remember your brain is wired to stop you
from doing things that are uncomfortable
or uncertain or scary it’s your job to
learn how to move from those ideas that
could change everything into acting on
them in the smallest moment rule number
two get rid of your phone so other than
the five-second rule there is one habit
that I have adopted in the last three
years that has fundamentally changed me
as a business person and it has also
changed my ability to manage my emotions
so I don’t get hijacked I do not allow
my phone in the bedrooms I know the
research the light just did a study
based on phone use alone and 33 percent
of people are reading emails in the
middle of the night I know that if you
go to bed and the phone is right next to
you right so you go to bed because you
need your phone you know if somebody
might need you and you sleep you know if
this is right here and it’s not closed
in the blue light is on they’ve done
studies where you have people at a table
and the researcher will put their phone
on the table not even
my phone the researchers phone and the
brain lights up like crazy just with the
presence of a phone the research around
the phone and sleep is so stunning that
if you were to adopt one radical thing
today other than the five-second rule
try putting your phone outside your
bedroom
turn off the little visit so you don’t
hear it tell people who need to reach
you to call you my kids I have a kid in
college a kid who’s just you know high
school kid in middle school if there’s
an emergency call me there is nothing
happening on your phone at two o’clock
in the morning that’s important but if
you allow yourself to become a tool of
this this is supposed to be your tool
for selling your tool for communicating
and we’re all becoming the tool here’s
the other thing common sense why’s that
I want you to understand you wake up the
alarm goes off what do you do what so
you’re not even vertical and you’re
reading emails and what is in these
emails other people’s crap if you don’t
have boundaries with this puppy it’s
gonna it’s gonna control you have and so
when I put this thing outside the
bedroom and I wake up I walk over to
where the phone is that you plugged into
my bathroom I turn it off I don’t look
at again I gave myself five minutes five
minutes before I tuned into the world to
actually tune in up here and say what’s
the one thing I’m gonna get done today
that really matters to me if you’re the
kind of person that feels like you don’t
have control over your day that your day
gets hijacked that you can’t get to the
priorities that you’re always behind the
ball
this one planning thing will change your
life no phone in the bedroom turn it off
when the alarm goes off five minutes
five lousy minutes five thousand minutes
before you tune in to the rest of the
world and if you’ve got the kind of job
where you’ve got to check it get up ten
minutes earlier you have control
this stuff and it is so important that
you take it seriously now because you’re
living at the slowest moment of your
entire life rule number three use the
progress principle my life changed a
couple years ago when I discovered
something called the progress principle
it is a principle that was written about
in the Harvard Business Review it’s
based on a tremendous amount of research
done by a professor over there and what
she determined is that people that feel
happy and successful and fulfilled by
their lives and work they all have one
thing in common they feel as though
they’re making progress on something
that matters so I read this little bit
of research and I started applying it to
my life and what I do is as stupid as it
sounds it really works I don’t focus on
balancing everything I focus on just
making sure that I make progress on one
thing a day that’s right you heard me
one thing a day that matters to me now
if I can make progress on one thing a
day that matters to me
then I can let go and let the rest of my
day get hijacked by kids by spouse by
phone calls by emails by social media by
all kinds of things that come up and
tend to hijack your day when you’re a
busy person when you have a family when
you’re married when you got a lot going
on and so by focusing on one thing a day
I feel the sense of control in the sense
of progress that science tells us will
make you happy and make you feel more
confident and actually make you more
effective at getting things done it also
frees me up to be more present with my
kids rule number four start your day
right here’s what I do specifically to
help my
I have a pad of post-it notes
yes post-it notes next to my sink in
that my bathroom why well because after
I brush my teeth haven’t looked at my
phone yet I take a post-it note out and
I write the three things I need to focus
on today and then you know what I deal
with it
I stick it on the back of my phone now
why would I do that because I have my
phone with me all the time and so if
it’s on the back of my phone I’m gonna
get a visual cue to remind me and keep
it top of mine so I stay focused on it
third thing that I do it’s a little
trick I call 30 before 7:30 what that
means I spend 30 minutes before 7:30
a.m. just focused on getting my day
organized and getting a few of the
things that are my top priorities either
finished or further down the field so
that’s 30 minutes before 7:30 a.m.
that’s time for me if you utilize those
three things don’t sleep with your phone
right after you brush your teeth right
out your three priorities and stick it
on the back of your phone just like this
and spend 30 minutes before 7:30 for
yourself I promise you you’ll be shocked
at how much more focused you are and you
feel and rule number five the last one
before a very special bonus clip is have
a good evening routine my night routine
is very simple completed the day and
leave no tasks that I have to finish in
the morning it’s that that’s it and so
it’s not necessarily that I have a
specific order but there are particular
things that I do number one totally
silicates so that means pack their
lunches it means get the backpacks ready
and school season and get them by the
door it means if there’s any forms that
need to be filled out or printed or
anything else that they are printed they
are ready to go so kids are handled
second thing I love the kitchen clean I
don’t ever want to wake up in the
morning and walk in there and see crap
that I have to do
I don’t want dishes in the sink I don’t
want things on the counter and so I make
sure that the kitchen is clean that the
counters are clear off and that there is
no nothing I need to do in the kitchen
because it will distract me in the
morning I would feel the guilt I don’t
feel obligated to get that done third
thing that I do is I try to set out the
stuff for breakfast and the reason why I
do that is because my kids will wake up
at various times and so if I’ve got that
thing set up I’ve just bought myself a
couple more minutes of quiet in the
morning before the parade of children
come running down the stairs starving
and wanting breakfast the other thing
that I do is I go to my computer and
I print out the day calendar for the day
ahead and then I take that printout and
I take my notebook that has all of my
travel and kind of everything that’s
laid out for the business that I run and
my speaking schedule and stuff relating
to the kids and I move it all to the
kitchen now why penguins I’m doing this
so that when I leave my bedroom in the
morning and I walk into the kitchen to
have 30 minutes of quiet time for myself
to get focused and plan my priorities
everything set it’s all been handled
there’s no thinking involved it’s
amazing then once that’s all handled I
turn off all the lights I lock the front
door when I walk into my bedroom the
very first thing that I do
I accept my alarm and then I plug my
phone in in my closet that is the single
now I’ve got a really special bonus clip
from now on how to apply the six months
rule but before that question today I
want to know are you using the
five-second rule do you find value in it
or not share your experiences down the
comments below thank you guys so much
for watching I believe in you
I hope we continue to believe in
yourself and whatever your one word is
we’ve got a great question about dealing
with relationships friendships where you
have a close friend who’s a real downer
and they’ve got all kinds of issues and
they are draining the you-know-what out
of your energy it happens all the time
I’m gonna say a couple things about this
I have something that I call the six
month rule for the people in your life
your friends your family people are
going to go through ups and downs and I
think it’s super super super important
that you be there for people that you
listen to the things that they’re
struggling with that you give advice
that you help them find resources you
must must must do that this is part of
being an incredible friend however when
the issue sticks around so long that
your friendships spirals into a
situation where that friendship is
nothing more than you listening to
somebody complain and now it’s zapping
your energy now it’s time for you to
change how you’re behaving in the
friendship so this is why I call it the
six month rule for six months absolutely
listen to somebody give them all the
advice be the shoulder they cry on let
them bitch and kovitch and all that
stuff to you all day long but if after
six months your friend is still
complaining and doing nothing and is
still complaining and acting helpless is
still stuck in that rut and refusing to
take your advice it’s really important
that you draw some boundaries and it’s
important for you it’s also important
for your friend so here’s what you’re
gonna do you’re basically just gonna say
look I love you I know you’re going
through a hard time but I will no longer
listen to you complain about it and the
reason why is because it’s not helping
you and it’s really starting to make me
sad that you’re still this stuck and
you’re not taking action let’s
definitely hang out let’s spend a lot of
time together but we’re not allowed to
talk about this anymore
the second you start taking action to
fix the situation we can talk about it
again and you know that I’m here for you
but I’m not here for you so that you can
stay suck I’m here for you so that you
can get better so that you can grow if
you tell yourself a story long enough
you start to believe it don’t you
believe it you act like I have Tulsa
what a wail out of handcuffed lightning
both London’s
now you know I’m bad over the last week
I murdered a rock into the stone
hospitalized a brick I’m so mean I make
medicine sick the fundamental key to
success is it can take between eighteen
and two hundred and fifty four days of
taking action for a new habit to stick
I’ve created a new course called 250 for
confidence or every single day for 254
days I will be sending you a video
between thirty seconds and five minutes
long that you start your morning with
around making you feel confident it’s
absolutely free check out the link in the description below to get access
falsehood that at some point you’re
gonna have the courage at some point
you’re gonna have the confidence and
it’s total bullsh frankly my life
changed a couple years ago when I
discovered something called the progress
principle my night routine is very
simple completed the day and leave no
tasks that I have to finish in the
what’s up belief nation in seven my one
weirdest believe and I believe in you I
believe you have Mel Robbins level
talent at something and I want you to
find it embrace it and use it to make a
difference now I started the mentor me
series to try to spend a little more
time with people who’ve done a lot more
than us and hopefully by spending that
extra time with them some of their
mindsets way of thinking strategies seep
in to us to help us become the best
version of ourselves so today we’re
gonna learn from one of the best Mel
Robbins and how to change form your life
[Music]
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one use the five second rule we bought
into this this complete falsehood that
at some point you’re gonna have the
courage at some point you’re gonna have
the confidence and it’s total
frankly I don’t really like to swear a
table so okay it’s it’s complete garbage
and so there are so many people in the
world and and and you know you may be
watching this right now and you have
these incredible ideas and what you
think is missing is motivation and
that’s not true because the way that our
minds are wired and the fact about human
beings is that we are not designed to do
things that are uncomfortable or scary
or difficult our brains are designed to
protect us from those things because our
brains are trying to keep us alive and
in order to change in order to build a
business in order to be the best parent
the best spouse to do all those things
that you know you want to do with your
life with your work with your dreams
you’re gonna have to do things that are
difficult uncertain or scary which sets
up this problem for all of us
you’re never gonna feel like it
motivations garbage you you only feel
motivated to do the things that are easy
one night Chris have gone to bed I had
been struggling struggling struggling we
still had all the same problems I we
stalled a lien on the house still facing
bankruptcy still fighting like crazy I
was still unemployed
he still they still haven’t figured out
like the solution yet for the business
and I was about to turn off the TV and
there on the TV there was this rocket
launching and I thought oh my gosh it I
am gonna launch myself out of bed like a
rocket ship like NASA right here had
launched me out of that bed and I’m
gonna move so fast that I don’t think
hmm I’m gonna beat my brain now here’s a
really interesting point I talked a lot
about your instincts and inner wisdom
and we can get into this a little bit
later but a lot of us talk about
the fact that you have a gut feeling but
what all this research that I’ve done
for the book and and all the speaking
that I do what I’ve discovered that’s
fascinating is actually when you set
goals when you have an intention on
something that you want to change about
your life your brain helps you what it
does is it opens up a checklist and then
your brain goes to work trying to remind
you yeah of that intention that you set
and it’s really important to develop the
skill and I say that word purposefully
the skill of knowing how to hear that
inner wisdom and that intention kicking
in and leaning into it quickly so for me
my brain saying that’s it right there
move as fast as a rocket Mel I wanted to
change my life and I think most people
that are miserable or that are that are
really like dying to be great and dying
to have more we want to change we want
to live a better life we want to create
more for our families we want to be
happier the the desire is there again
it’s about how do you go from knowledge
to actions so the first thing in the
story that’s important is realizing that
the answer was in me and my mind was
telling me pay attention I could have
also been the Bourbon anyway the next
morning the alarm goes off and I
pretended NASA was there it’s a
stupidest story I literally went 5 4 3 2
1 I counted out loud and then I stood up
and I’ll never forget standing there in
my bedroom it was dark it was cold it
was winter in Boston and for the first
time in 3 months I had beaten my habit
of hitting the snooze button I couldn’t
believe it and I thought wait a minute
counting backwards that is the dumbest
thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life
well the next morning I used it again
and it worked the next morning I used it
again and it worked the next morning I
used it again and it worked and then I
started to notice something really
interesting there were moments all day
long all day long just like that
five-second moment in bed where I
new knowledge what I should do and if I
didn’t move within five seconds my brain
would step in and talk me out of it
every human being has a five-second
window might even be shorter for you you
have about a five second window in which
you can move from idea to action before
your brain kicks into full gear and
sabotages any change in behavior because
remember your brain is wired to stop you
from doing things that are uncomfortable
or uncertain or scary it’s your job to
learn how to move from those ideas that
could change everything into acting on
them in the smallest moment rule number
two get rid of your phone so other than
the five-second rule there is one habit
that I have adopted in the last three
years that has fundamentally changed me
as a business person and it has also
changed my ability to manage my emotions
so I don’t get hijacked I do not allow
my phone in the bedrooms I know the
research the light just did a study
based on phone use alone and 33 percent
of people are reading emails in the
middle of the night I know that if you
go to bed and the phone is right next to
you right so you go to bed because you
need your phone you know if somebody
might need you and you sleep you know if
this is right here and it’s not closed
in the blue light is on they’ve done
studies where you have people at a table
and the researcher will put their phone
on the table not even
my phone the researchers phone and the
brain lights up like crazy just with the
presence of a phone the research around
the phone and sleep is so stunning that
if you were to adopt one radical thing
today other than the five-second rule
try putting your phone outside your
bedroom
turn off the little visit so you don’t
hear it tell people who need to reach
you to call you my kids I have a kid in
college a kid who’s just you know high
school kid in middle school if there’s
an emergency call me there is nothing
happening on your phone at two o’clock
in the morning that’s important but if
you allow yourself to become a tool of
this this is supposed to be your tool
for selling your tool for communicating
and we’re all becoming the tool here’s
the other thing common sense why’s that
I want you to understand you wake up the
alarm goes off what do you do what so
you’re not even vertical and you’re
reading emails and what is in these
emails other people’s crap if you don’t
have boundaries with this puppy it’s
gonna it’s gonna control you have and so
when I put this thing outside the
bedroom and I wake up I walk over to
where the phone is that you plugged into
my bathroom I turn it off I don’t look
at again I gave myself five minutes five
minutes before I tuned into the world to
actually tune in up here and say what’s
the one thing I’m gonna get done today
that really matters to me if you’re the
kind of person that feels like you don’t
have control over your day that your day
gets hijacked that you can’t get to the
priorities that you’re always behind the
ball
this one planning thing will change your
life no phone in the bedroom turn it off
when the alarm goes off five minutes
five lousy minutes five thousand minutes
before you tune in to the rest of the
world and if you’ve got the kind of job
where you’ve got to check it get up ten
minutes earlier you have control
this stuff and it is so important that
you take it seriously now because you’re
living at the slowest moment of your
entire life rule number three use the
progress principle my life changed a
couple years ago when I discovered
something called the progress principle
it is a principle that was written about
in the Harvard Business Review it’s
based on a tremendous amount of research
done by a professor over there and what
she determined is that people that feel
happy and successful and fulfilled by
their lives and work they all have one
thing in common they feel as though
they’re making progress on something
that matters so I read this little bit
of research and I started applying it to
my life and what I do is as stupid as it
sounds it really works I don’t focus on
balancing everything I focus on just
making sure that I make progress on one
thing a day that’s right you heard me
one thing a day that matters to me now
if I can make progress on one thing a
day that matters to me
then I can let go and let the rest of my
day get hijacked by kids by spouse by
phone calls by emails by social media by
all kinds of things that come up and
tend to hijack your day when you’re a
busy person when you have a family when
you’re married when you got a lot going
on and so by focusing on one thing a day
I feel the sense of control in the sense
of progress that science tells us will
make you happy and make you feel more
confident and actually make you more
effective at getting things done it also
frees me up to be more present with my
kids rule number four start your day
right here’s what I do specifically to
help my
I have a pad of post-it notes
yes post-it notes next to my sink in
that my bathroom why well because after
I brush my teeth haven’t looked at my
phone yet I take a post-it note out and
I write the three things I need to focus
on today and then you know what I deal
with it
I stick it on the back of my phone now
why would I do that because I have my
phone with me all the time and so if
it’s on the back of my phone I’m gonna
get a visual cue to remind me and keep
it top of mine so I stay focused on it
third thing that I do it’s a little
trick I call 30 before 7:30 what that
means I spend 30 minutes before 7:30
a.m. just focused on getting my day
organized and getting a few of the
things that are my top priorities either
finished or further down the field so
that’s 30 minutes before 7:30 a.m.
that’s time for me if you utilize those
three things don’t sleep with your phone
right after you brush your teeth right
out your three priorities and stick it
on the back of your phone just like this
and spend 30 minutes before 7:30 for
yourself I promise you you’ll be shocked
at how much more focused you are and you
feel and rule number five the last one
before a very special bonus clip is have
a good evening routine my night routine
is very simple completed the day and
leave no tasks that I have to finish in
the morning it’s that that’s it and so
it’s not necessarily that I have a
specific order but there are particular
things that I do number one totally
silicates so that means pack their
lunches it means get the backpacks ready
and school season and get them by the
door it means if there’s any forms that
need to be filled out or printed or
anything else that they are printed they
are ready to go so kids are handled
second thing I love the kitchen clean I
don’t ever want to wake up in the
morning and walk in there and see crap
that I have to do
I don’t want dishes in the sink I don’t
want things on the counter and so I make
sure that the kitchen is clean that the
counters are clear off and that there is
no nothing I need to do in the kitchen
because it will distract me in the
morning I would feel the guilt I don’t
feel obligated to get that done third
thing that I do is I try to set out the
stuff for breakfast and the reason why I
do that is because my kids will wake up
at various times and so if I’ve got that
thing set up I’ve just bought myself a
couple more minutes of quiet in the
morning before the parade of children
come running down the stairs starving
and wanting breakfast the other thing
that I do is I go to my computer and
I print out the day calendar for the day
ahead and then I take that printout and
I take my notebook that has all of my
travel and kind of everything that’s
laid out for the business that I run and
my speaking schedule and stuff relating
to the kids and I move it all to the
kitchen now why penguins I’m doing this
so that when I leave my bedroom in the
morning and I walk into the kitchen to
have 30 minutes of quiet time for myself
to get focused and plan my priorities
everything set it’s all been handled
there’s no thinking involved it’s
amazing then once that’s all handled I
turn off all the lights I lock the front
door when I walk into my bedroom the
very first thing that I do
I accept my alarm and then I plug my
phone in in my closet that is the single
now I’ve got a really special bonus clip
from now on how to apply the six months
rule but before that question today I
want to know are you using the
five-second rule do you find value in it
or not share your experiences down the
comments below thank you guys so much
for watching I believe in you
I hope we continue to believe in
yourself and whatever your one word is
we’ve got a great question about dealing
with relationships friendships where you
have a close friend who’s a real downer
and they’ve got all kinds of issues and
they are draining the you-know-what out
of your energy it happens all the time
I’m gonna say a couple things about this
I have something that I call the six
month rule for the people in your life
your friends your family people are
going to go through ups and downs and I
think it’s super super super important
that you be there for people that you
listen to the things that they’re
struggling with that you give advice
that you help them find resources you
must must must do that this is part of
being an incredible friend however when
the issue sticks around so long that
your friendships spirals into a
situation where that friendship is
nothing more than you listening to
somebody complain and now it’s zapping
your energy now it’s time for you to
change how you’re behaving in the
friendship so this is why I call it the
six month rule for six months absolutely
listen to somebody give them all the
advice be the shoulder they cry on let
them bitch and kovitch and all that
stuff to you all day long but if after
six months your friend is still
complaining and doing nothing and is
still complaining and acting helpless is
still stuck in that rut and refusing to
take your advice it’s really important
that you draw some boundaries and it’s
important for you it’s also important
for your friend so here’s what you’re
gonna do you’re basically just gonna say
look I love you I know you’re going
through a hard time but I will no longer
listen to you complain about it and the
reason why is because it’s not helping
you and it’s really starting to make me
sad that you’re still this stuck and
you’re not taking action let’s
definitely hang out let’s spend a lot of
time together but we’re not allowed to
talk about this anymore
the second you start taking action to
fix the situation we can talk about it
again and you know that I’m here for you
but I’m not here for you so that you can
stay suck I’m here for you so that you
can get better so that you can grow if
you tell yourself a story long enough
you start to believe it don’t you
believe it you act like I have Tulsa
what a wail out of handcuffed lightning
both London’s
now you know I’m bad over the last week
I murdered a rock into the stone
hospitalized a brick I’m so mean I make
medicine sick the fundamental key to
success is it can take between eighteen
and two hundred and fifty four days of
taking action for a new habit to stick
I’ve created a new course called 250 for
confidence or every single day for 254
days I will be sending you a video
between thirty seconds and five minutes
long that you start your morning with
around making you feel confident it’s
absolutely free check out the link in the description below to get access
Please follow and like us: